Write a Note to the Person Above You III

Dear Freckles,

I wasn't making an elephant. If I could, I would have it trample you.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Freckles,

I would use it to trample other people also. You actually would not be first on the list. (I do have a list.)

Seriously, but angrily,
Glen
 
Dear Sopes,

You are not on the list. The only person on the list from Dufferland is Freckles, and in her case, she is only on the list because she has been interrogating me about my feelings, which I prefer to keep private. Also because of Cloaky.

I would probably trample you with the elephant just because it would be entertaining. I have no particular grudge against you, however. (Probably, anyway. Maybe I do have one. It might come to me. I should spend some time thinking about this.)

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glen,

Come on, put him on the list. No one likes to be left out.

So... Just to make sure I got this right: When someone asks 'How are you doing?' you immediately feel the urge to make an elephant and trample the offender?

Sincerely,
Frecklephant
 
Dear Freckledplant,

Not always, but I almost always do when a patron asks me that at the library, because 99.9% of them are simply trying to find a smooth way to ask me to do something for them. Unfortunately, asking "Can I help you?" in a ridiculously cheerful voice, rather than answering, doesn't satisfy all of them.

Sopes will be left off the list so he will feel left out. I am clearly a nice person.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glen,

Believe me, I don't feel left out -- at all. I'm in no hurry to be trampled. Or sampled. Or... exampled. Any of that stuff.

Mike
 
Dear Freckles,

I'll take him off the list if he exhibits any pleasure in being on it. I'm only soft when giving Rubber Banana Belly Aches to people--something about too much yellow.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glen,

I am SO confused. Are you one of those genies that does the opposite of what's requested? I hate to play along, but I don't want to be on the list anymore, so here goes.

Oh, yay! The list! I'm on it! How wonderful! I am experiencing happiness and exhibiting pleasure!

OK, pandering over.

Sincerely,

Mike
 
Dear Sopes,

Since you were pandering on purpose, and I know your (presumably true) wishes, you're staying on the list. Say hello to elephants.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Glen,

Oooooh, hello, elephants! I love elephants! I don't know what they're here for, but I love them anyway.

Just Got Back and Fangirling Already,
GG
 
Gondorgirl said:
Glen,

Oooooh, hello, elephants! I love elephants! I don't know what they're here for, but I love them anyway.

Just Got Back and Fangirling Already,
GG
Click to expand...

Dear G²,

You're afraid of whales but you love elephants? How can that be? Elephants are basically land whales.

Sincerely,

Mike
 
Mike,

The land part of that is key. I have a deathly fear of fish to begin with. Whales, while not technically fish, are essentially enormous monstrous fish, so I find that to be unacceptable.

Elephants don't live in the vast, fishy, terrifying depths of the ocean, so they're okay.

GG

P.S. Have a bonus picture of me riding an elephant
 

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Dear GG,

Sure, nothing terrifying was ever found on land *cough*humans*cough*

I don't know where to put the fullstop in the above sentence.

This has been a hard week for me. Don't judge me for being lax about punctuation-}:

Sincerely,
Snotnose
 
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