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Copperfox
The Biblical Daryoosh / Darius was the king-- more accurately, a viceroy acting for King Kurosh /Cyrus-- who got manipulated into introducing Daniel to the lions.
SimonW
SimonW
Okay. Interesting…
Copperfox
Your finally resuming "Darius" brought the July 5 post to my attention. It needs multiple corrections. For instance: There was nothing special about my backyard, aside from the fenced in area lot on opposite sides so to keep out wayward tramps or thieves off. You need a hyphen for "fenced in."
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Copperfox
Copperfox
After that, you don't need BOTH "out" and "off." Also, "filled with water sink" should be "water-filled sink." And it should be Darius who states that the narrator's face is pale.
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SimonW
SimonW
Thank you for the corrections. I have rectified these that you have brought to my attention. As stated, have not had the pleasure of writing this story beforehand, so obviously mistakes would be there for me not to brush up on. I appreciate the help, Copperfox.
Copperfox
Welcome aboard, says the U.S. Navy veteran! If you're unsure how to advance through a topic thread, what you do is use your cursor on a row of page numbers, like this: --1--2--3--4--5--6--7--8--
Gleemil
Thanks for the welcome! But what if all my made up words, that no one can understand, gets me banned.😱 "Don't talk in symbols that not everyone will understand" so, what about whole words and phrases I wonder.🤔 The rules are vague on several points.
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Gleemil
Gleemil
Haha! that seems fitting, though...can't really picture an alien named James. I'm not actually really much of a writer.
Copperfox
Copperfox
In that case, go to Professor's Writing Club and READ ALL THE WAY THROUGH a thread called "The Marketplace of Technique."
Copperfox
Copperfox
You still there? / Here's a tip for depicting aliens. GIVE THE APPEARANCE of them having their own culture, by creating rules for their naming of people and places. For instance, all names of their women could end with "-ZIB" or "-VED;" names of men could end with "-RAG" or "-DEM." Names of cities could all begin with the syllables "HUD" or "LIG."
Copperfox
Welcome aboard, says a 72-year-old U.S. Navy veteran! Are you aware that the left-hand column of the intro page identifies the major sections of the forum? The right-hand column identifies which particular topics have lately been active. To navigate any topic, use your cursor on a row of page numbers.
Copperfox
Greetings from a 72-year-old grandfather! If you're unsure how to advance through a topic thread, you're supposed to use your cursor on a row of page numbers: --1--2--3--4--5--6--7--8--
Copperfox
Hello! I'm the resident Really Old Guy. If you have any interest in writing, you can exercise it in the "Writing Club" section.
Copperfox
Greetings from the oldest active member of Dancing Lawn; I'm a 72-year-old grandfather. In case no one told you, the way to navigate specific topic threads here is to use your cursor on a row of page numbers:

--1--2--3--4--5--6--7--8--
Copperfox
In appreciation for your interest, I will create a character BASED ON YOU, who will have a role in MAKING Cortana human.
Sir Godfrey
“Hope is one of the Theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do.”- C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Copperfox
Near the end of your early-morning story-post, you say that a man's face "beheld" his sneering expression. A guy doesn't "behold" his own expression.
SimonW
SimonW
Ahh, okay. Thanks for catching that. I fixed it from “beheld” to “had” for the narrative.
Benisse
Hi Jasmine...
I was thinking about your pastor and his family as they travel the long grey road of mourning... I pray that the Lord would be a shield about them and that His presence, provision and peace would be a refuge to them (especially to your pastor).
Copperfox
Good that you're back to writing. Near the end of your latest, "She gingerly covered her mouth gently" is one adverb too many. I say keep "gingerly," because that is a more memorable adverb.
SimonW
SimonW
Okay, I shall fix it. Thanks for the input and remaining interested.
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