Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Somehow, Bob the janitor ended up falling on top of the Goblin King, but fortunately the Goblin King was already dead. So Bob the janitor started cleaning up the mess. He swept all of the bones into the lake and found Gollum, shoving him in. Bob got out his sponge and some soap, scrubbing the hideous beast until he shone and smelled of roses.
 
To which Bob the janitor replied, "DIE, EVIL DIRT SCUM! DIE!" Then he tied a pink bow onto Gollum's head and brushed his teeth. All nine of them.
 
Meanwhile, Bella Swan's father, who had just grown accustomed to being a useless and ineffectual nebbish hovering in the background, discovered a different ring: a spare Green Lantern ring, dropped by the Guardians of the Universe. Putting this ring on, he became a Green Lantern! The regular Green Lantern told him, "You'll need a charging lantern to keep the ring active." Green Lantern Swan replied, "Hey, these rings are supposed to be able to do ANYTHING you can think of them doing -- well, except for directly affecting any object that's colored yellow. So I'll just order my ring to CREATE ITS OWN re-charger!"

It worked; so Green Lantern Swan began his own career as a superhero, no longer kept in the shadow of sexy vampires.
 
Meanwhile, Jacob Black realized his true calling in life and transformed into his canine form, and vowed to never return to his human shape. Then he got in the back of a hippie van with Shaggy, Freddie, Daphne and Velma. They gave him a new name "Scooby-Do" and from then on they traveled across the country solving mysteries and Jacob/Scooby was happy.
 
Now we move on to a different story. Two elderly gentlemen are playing chess in a park. The first gentleman moves the pawn directly in front of the queen (rather slowly, as he is elderly) up one space... Then the second gentleman thinks... and he thinks a little while longer... and then he moves the pawn that is directly in front of his queen (again, very slowly) up two spaces.
 
Then suddenly Reepicheep runs right into the game, picks up the knight and has it advance right towards the Queen because, "That's how he'd do it."
 
A mother is nearby with her nine-year-old son. Seeing the chess game in progress, the boy shouts, "I win! I win that game!"

Reepicheep gives the child a baffled look, and says, "But you're not even PLAYING this game; how can you win it?"

The boy stamps his feet and yells even more loudly: "I have to win EVERYTHING, or my SELF-ESTEEM will be hurt!!"

Reepicheep looks back at the two old men, shaking his head. "And I thought Eustace was bad before he got straightened out! Maybe this boy needs to be changed into a Manticore? A Golem? A Chimera?"
 
Then Bill the Time Traveler, son of Bob the Janitor, accidentally set his coffee mug on the fast forward button for the universe. Time sped up to the point where the young boy was shouting at 100 miles per hour and the elderly gentlemen were moving at a normal speed.
"AH!" Bill exclaimed, taking his coffee mug off of the fast forward button. "I hate it when that happens!"
 
Copperfox said:
A mother is nearby with her nine-year-old son. Seeing the chess game in progress, the boy shouts, "I win! I win that game!"

Reepicheep gives the child a baffled look, and says, "But you're not even PLAYING this game; how can you win it?"

The boy stamps his feet and yells even more loudly: "I have to win EVERYTHING, or my SELF-ESTEEM will be hurt!!"

Reepicheep looks back at the two old men, shaking his head. "And I thought Eustace was bad before he got straightened out! Maybe this boy needs to be changed into a Manticore? A Golem? A Chimera?"
Click to expand...

The child looked to his mother, stomped his foot ( right on his mother's foot) and demanded," Mummy, I must HAVE that talking mouse. Give me that talking mouse now, or I shall grow up maladjusted, blame all my problems on you, and then take my anger and frustration out on the society that caudled me in some kind of desrtuctive means, like running for political office."
 
Willy Wonka had been standing to the side, listening to the boy talking to his mother. All of a sudden, he started flashing back to when he took children on a tour of his factory all those years ago.
He looked to the mother. She looked quite a bit like... "Veruca Salt?!"
 
As the grown up Veruca made her way towards Reepicheep, the valiant mouse drew his sword and decared, "Understand this, there are two rules. 1, I let no one hold me, save one, and that is the Valiant Queen Lucy. 2. My tail was a gift to me by the Great Lion, Aslan, himself. No one touches the tail. Period. Exclamation mark. If you violate these rules in any way, shape or form, I shall demand immediate satisfaction!"
 
Veruca pauses in thought. "Hmmm.... you know, it was wanting immediate satisfaction that got ME in trouble, back there at the Chocolate Factory. I wonder...." Suddenly, she sits on a park bench, pulls the boy over her knee, and gives him a sound spanking.

Reepicheep and the two old chess players applaud wildly.
 
Reepicheep bids them farwell and heads off on an adventure with Three other pint sized fighters, Gimli the Dwarf, Yoda, and Puss n Boots. This leaves the two chess players alone....the two old chess players who happen to be Sherlock Holmes and Professor James Moriarty in disgiuse.
 
Actress Lucy Liu walks up to them, starts to speak... hesitates... then says, "Oh, excuse me, you're the old versions," and walks away.
 
Actor Martin Freeman also approached Holems and Moriarty, only to be wisked away by 13 dwarves who mistook him for Bilbo Baggins.
 
But the dwarves don't get very far with him in their possesion before an alien swoops in, mistakes Martin Freeman for Arthur Dent, and takes him on a quest to save Earth from being destroyed.
 
Encountering some Vogons during this quest, Mr. Freeman has the inspiration to recite some of Mr. Tolkien's poetry, which causes the Vogons to drop dead from sheer inferiority.
 
Back
Top