Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Sven-El said:
"Hey!" said the cheerleader. "I just got a text about another party at a legitimate business here in town. It's in a nice, well lit area. The location even has a five star rating on Yelp.com! "
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When the slasher-murderer saw what precautions these youngsters were taking, he shrugged in resignation, gave up on them, and headed over to the SyFy Channel, whose horror movies ALWAYS have stupid characters who practically beg to get killed.
 
The Goth Girl begged to go with him as she did nothing but sulk in a corner, but not before the police showed up and finished off the killer with a head shot.
 
However she was deemed to cheery for that, so Fox tapped her to be body of the week on Sleepy Hollow. From there she had a lucrative roll as the body of the week on every other procedural, and was even seen lying on the ground in scenes of mass destruction in big budget block busters.
 
Nor did she appreciate being told by the producers on Star Trek to put on a red shirt, lay on the ground and have the other Dr. "Bones" say, "she's dead, Jim."
 
Counselor Troi from "Next Generation" ventured a diagnosis: "I think that all of Kirk's emotions were frustrated and confused because he had the hots for Lieutenant Uhura, and couldn't act on it because of the hangups over interracial relationships that still existed when his show was being made. He felt the bitter irony that he would sooner be allowed to make love with a _green_ woman than with a _black_ one. Then he finally got his chance in the episode "Plato's Children," where he and Uhura actually _did_ get it on. But since both of them knew it was being done under compulsion, even though each knew this was not the other one's fault, they were unable to carry any relationship forward after that. So then Kirk tried to protect himself psychologically by taking a page from Spock's book."
 
Meanwhile, in order to get a new X-Men cartoon back on TV, Wolverine came up with an idea. Due to all children's programing having to have some level of educational merit, Wolverine, Punisher, Batman, Daredevil, Darth Vader, Dirty Harry, and Rambo formed an Anti-Hero support group were they discussed their issues and learned to work through their problems. The Hulk volunteered to serve as their counselor, having gained experience listening to Tony Stark in Iron Man 3.
 
Lt. Com. Worf and Lt. B'Elanna Torres offered to teach the complete works of William Shakespeare in their original Klingon.
 
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C-3P0, Marvin the Paranoid Android, Eeyore and Puddleglum offered to teach a philosophy course on the search for happiness.
"I suspect in our search we will probably be crushed by a piano," said Puddlgum.
Eeyore pointed out, "It could always miss us."
C-3P0 pointed out that, 'The odds of getting crushed by a piano are 93000 to one."
Marvin chimed in, "Not sure where we'd find a piano. But we could always be crushed in an asteroid impact or suffer any other numerous maladies."

Due to the depressing nature of their conversation they were promptly given their own independent film which garnered critical praise and won numerous awards.
 
Seeing the success these characters enjoyed with a depressing independent movie, Andrew Adamson was reinvigorated to renew the search for good story ideas to ruin on purpose.
 
This increased when Puddleglum and company won the Oscar for best picture. The marshwiggle's acceptance speech got over a million views on YouTube.

"This doesn't really matter," said Puddleglum. "Chances are this is only a pop can, shaped to look like a statue and painted gold. I shouldn't wonder with our luck if it isn't lead based paint and I'll die from poisoning. I recon that Eeyore being a toy, and Threepio and Marvin being robots that they'll be fine, but Threepio could always be carried off by an irate Andy Serkis who is angry at being snubbed by the academy because they refuse to acknowledge all he did in The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, King Kong, Godzilla and Planet of the Apes."
 
Rap-artist and tabloid king Kanye West rushed the stage, snatched the award from Puddleglum's hands and announced that Beyoncé should have won the award.
 
"Well, all right," mumbled Puddleglum, "but she'll probably get an allergic reaction to touching it, and then she'll sue both of us."
 
Threepio pointed out, "Excuse me, Mr. West, but I have to inquire just what is your obsession with Beyoncé. You have made a frequent habit of crashing award ceremonies and expressing your very vocal opinion that she should have won instead. I am programmed in etiquette and protocol and your behavior is not only boorish, but in claiming to "stand-up" for Ms. Knowles you only embarrass both of yourselves. Really. Not even Artoo is that bad."
 
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