Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Sven-El said:
Threepio pointed out, "Excuse me, Mr. West, but I have to inquire just what is your obsession with Beyoncé. You have made a frequent habit of crashing award ceremonies and expressing your very vocal opinion that she should have won instead. I am programmed in etiquette and protocol and your behavior is not only boorish, but in claiming to "stand-up" for Ms. Knowles you only embarrass both of yourselves. Really. Not even Artoo is that bad."
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In order to break the impasse, LL Cool J brought in the whole cast of "N.C.I.S. Los Angeles," and they hustled Kanye West out of there.
 
And then Kanye was given a lifetime ban from ever going to another award show. And it was realized by the media that they gave him and the Kardashians too much attention so they stopped acknowledging them and they went away.

Which incidentally was about the time that the average IQ score went up by 15 points.
 
This increase in average human intelligence was bad news for the scam artists who were telephoning people and pretending to be I.R.S. agents.
 
Those scam artists had to go and find real work. However based on their lack of credentials all they were good for was grave yard shift janitorial positions at shopping malls.
 
But this led to some of the scammers finally doing some good. A big shopping mall where several former scammers worked was invaded by zombies; but the scammers told the zombies that they could get rich by going to Nigeria to help a Nigerian prince who needed seed money. So the zombies went to Nigeria, where they ate up the Boko Haram terrorists.
 
Then when they directed the zombies to ISIS forces in the mid-east there was talk of giving them the Nobel Peace Prize.
 
The zombie campaign, however, was not a _total_ success. Many ISIS terrorists turned out to be just as brainless as the zombies, so that the zombies failed to _recognize_ those terrorists as targets.
 
Captain Scotland decided to paint a blue cross over his face, then rounded up his friends the Crusaders from Scotland, Ireland, Wales and England and they all went to the Middle East to fight ISIS. It was too easy, so they decided to split off and fight separate groups of terrorists alone. It took a ridiculously long time before ISIS realized that Captain Scotland's targe was bulletproof.
 
So the terrorists resorted to their never-failing hole card: they got some Hollywood celebrities to scold and vilify the heroes for being "bigots who just hate everyone who's different."
 
Meanwhile, Taliesin and Sadko (with the help of Doc's DeLorean) had made much progress in correcting the errors that had been tacked onto the Arthurian legend, but Taliesin had one last smidge of unfinished business to take care of: Bringing the loathsome, Christian-hating writer known as Simon Andrew Stirling back in time to face justice before Arthur himself. Stirling of course had slandered many Christian leaders of Arthur's aquaintaince in the same way that the celebrities had slandered Captain Scotland and the Crusaders.
 
Sir Tom the Dragon Knight said:
Meanwhile, Taliesin and Sadko (with the help of Doc's DeLorean) had made much progress in correcting the errors that had been tacked onto the Arthurian legend, but Taliesin had one last smidge of unfinished business to take care of: Bringing the loathsome, Christian-hating writer known as Simon Andrew Stirling back in time to face justice before Arthur himself. Stirling of course had slandered many Christian leaders of Arthur's acquaintance in the same way that the celebrities had slandered Captain Scotland and the Crusaders.
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Sadko remarked to Taliesin, "I realize that Arthur can kill this idiotic writer in a roleplay post and he won't _really_ be dead. But on the off-chance that some benighted, clueless heathen ever looks at what we do here, we should not even _pretend_ to kill him, for those unbelievers would fall all over themselves in their eagerness to convince themselves that this proved that _Christianity_ is by nature the source of tyrannical censorship and violent repression."
 
"No worries, Sadko," Replied Taliesin, "If I know Arthur, he'll have something much better in mind than execution."
After Taliesin had succeeded in finding Stirling, the three of them quickly travelled back to Camelot in the DeLorean. Stirling went along willingly because he was hoping to prove his wacko theories, but as they drove, he was disappointed to find out that Taliesin was not only a devout Christian (as the poems he chose to ignore suggested), but that Arthur was as well (as the ancient texts also suggested). Stirling became increasingly more uncomfortable when the group noticed Myrddin reading from a primitive Gaelic New Testament as he sat in the grove just outside Camelot. Then, fast forwarding to the end of the trial, Arthur concluded Simon's sentence thus: "For convincing people that I am a goddess-worshipping, narcotic-sipping Druid priest, I can think of no better punishment than this: You will spend three days with The Impressive Clergyman, and Galhafad will sit beside you in services to keep you awake while The Impressive Clergyman speaks, and you will listen to every word and try to write each one down- if you can keep up. Afterward, you will be sent back to the future."
 
Once the flux capacitor had transported him back to modern times, the bizarre author began a new career in education: trying to make up mathematical teaching methods EVEN MORE stupid and roundabout than Common Core.
 
Captain Scotland and the Crusaders were still kicking ISIS butt when they got a call from Jurassic World saying that they would be willing to lend Captain Scotland a team of well-trained velociraptors to help with the fighting.
 
Unfortunately, one of the terrorists had previously wandered into an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, and had stolen one of the automatic firearms they have in those movies that can fire on full automatic for about fifty days and not run out of bullets. The first four velociraptors to get into the action were mowed down like weeds, because it was just too much to ask for the good side not to take ANY casualties.
 
Captain Scotland had grown attached to the 4 raptors in the short time he had them, having even named them Hamish, Hubert, Harris, and Fergus. Luckily, he still had 4 others which he guarded with his life and only sent in when he was sure they could handle it. These 4 were called Lancelot, Tristan, Gwaine, and Galahad, and they were like the SEAL Team 6 of velociraptors.
 
Meanwhile, on the planet Mars, John Carter said to Tars Tarkas, "I just found out that we don't have an atmosphere that can sustain life! We'll all have to move someplace else!"


"Maybe to Westeros?" Tars Tarkas suggested.
 
So they tried going to the Star Wars planet of Tattooine. The gravity there was distressingly heavy for all native Barsoomians, but Doctor Who dropped by with a secret formula that gave everyone proportional strength for the local gravity. This correction was made just in time for Tars Tarkas and the other Tharks to defeat an attack by Tusken Raiders.
 
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