Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

The Grammar Nazi shrieked, "That should be 'WHO he had heard looked just like him,' because the 'who' in that sentence is used as if it were the subject of a subordinate clause!" But the Grammar Nazi couldn't wait for Owen Grady to say anything else, because he had to go scold people who were saying "I could care less" when they meant "I couldn't care less."

On the way, the Grammar Nazi also grumbled, "Even if Darth Vader wouldn't go himself to Tattooine, he might have considered it worthwhile sending henchmen to check it out."
 
Meanwhile, Tarzan and John Carter were discussing the similarities and major differences between gorillas, white apes, and the Mangani. Peter Eliot (from Michael Crichton's "Congo") overheard the conversation, and soon joined in and told them about the strange grey apes he had encountered near the lost city of Zinj.
 
"The number of limbs is the most obvious distinction," remarked John Carter. "In my autobiographical writings, which I arranged for Edgar to publish as if they were fiction, I made it perfectly clear that Barsoomian white apes, like the Barsoomian green men, had their three pairs of limbs articulated in three different ways. The first pair of limbs worked just like human arms; the last pair worked just like human legs, and the middle pair were like the forelimbs of Earthly dogs or horses, able to support weight in a four-footed walking gait, yet also equipped with prehensile digits, thus able to serve as extra hands. It shouldn't have been hard for comics and movies to depict what I described; but EVERY SINGLE ADAPTATION produced on Earth has cheated! They always depict the upright non-human creatures of Barsoom as having FOUR IDENTICAL ARM-TYPE ARMS, making no attempt to show how those intermediate limbs would work."

As Captain Carter was frowning over this, the present-day science-fiction author David Weber came by, greeted the others, and said to Carter: "For what it's worth, I imagined an intelligent alien race called the Treecats of Planet Sphinx for my 'Honor Harrington' series. Treecats have six limbs formed just like those of the Barsoomian apes; and in my stories, I take pains to describe the DIFFERENT operations of the three sets of limbs."

John Carter found that he did feel better after hearing this. As a sign of appreciation, he drew his absurdly long Barsoomian longsword and cut Mister Weber's head off -- knowing that this would be no more than a joke, because in this roleplay Mister Weber would be alive again in the next post. And he would be able to boast of being beheaded by John Carter of Mars: a suitable boast, because Weber did in fact like to make references in his books to old-time science fiction.
 
Meanwhile, the character of Bottom from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream found himself at a Renaissance festival. He began asking if anyone had seen Queen Titania, but no one had an answer.
 
Taliesin was at said renaissance festival, and overheard Bottom's questions, so he inquired of the man. "Please tell me about this Queen Titania, good sir. I have travelled far and near, through past, present and future, yet never once has her name reached my ears before. For your troubles, I would be happy to play my flute for you."
 
"Queen Titania," Bottom explained, "is part of a blending of Greek antiquity with the sort of fairy idiom common to the British Isles. She is the wife of King Oberon, who for some reason is more inclined to be compassionate and kind to human beings than to fellow faerie-folk. One time, because of some quarrel between Oberon and Titania, Oberon played a trick on her. With the assistance of Puck, he magically caused her to fall in love with me -- AFTER his magic had temporarily changed my appearance to resemble a donkey. Understand that I had no idea who Titania was, thus no way of knowing that she was married...."

Bottom paused, blushing. "This is embarrassing for me to remember. Please, play your flute for me now."
 
When the song was finished, Bottom looked much more at ease. "Thank you, Taliesen, I feel much better now. Perhaps I can manage to drop my efforts to understand why I was drawn so briefly into the faerie realm, and be more comfortable in my human life."

"Maybe I can also help a bit," said early sci-fi hero Buck Rogers, just then descending to earth using a "de-gravity belt" straight out of his old movie serial. "When astronomers charted the moons of the planet Uranus -- note that I pronounce that planet's name with a short A, to sidestep childish wisecracks about anatomy -- they decided to use names of Shakespeare characters as names for those moons. The name of Titania was used, along with Oberon and Puck."

"Not my name?" asked Bottom.

"Sorry, no. But my point is that maybe now you can change the associations the name 'Titania' carries in your mind. Instead of an unattainable fantasy queen, think of the Titania which is a gigantic chunk of ice and minerals, orbiting a planet far from the sunlight."

Bottom frowned in thought. "Sir Buck, I can try that. But I'm so stupid, I'll probably scramble it all up."
 
"Dog gone it," remarked a young Myrddin who happened to be listening in. "All this talk about magical faerie queens and water and minerals has got me back to pining for my darling Nymue of the Lake again- and I can't see her again until I succeed in helping Arthur claim his throne!"
 
Meanwhile, in the food vendors' area, another Shakespearean character, Falstaff, was competing with Friar Tuck for who could eat more turkey drumsticks at one sitting.
 
A talking dog blew the whistle on Falstaff by pulling Falstaff's shirt out of his belt so the meat would fall on the ground where the dog could eat it. The dog promptly stood up with his front paws on the table and said, "Falstaff is dropping food for me! I love it, but you ought to know he's cheating!"
 
"I am not cheating," burped Falstaff. "I am revealing my oneness with the universe. Since I am all things and all things are me, by feeding this dog I am still feeding myself!"
 
"Besides," laughed Friar Tuck, "if we are to speak in that way, I can claim that MY oneness with YOU means that *I* get credit for all of YOUR eating."
 
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