Broken

Ok! Here it is! I know you've all been waiting really patiently, so wa-la! hehe! = )

Last Part of Chapter 6

My emotions are coming on. A tear starts to roll down my cheek and I suck in a shaky breathe. I stare into Jacob’s eyes. They are clouded with concern. I have to tell him.

I quickly scribble down what has happened in the past couple of days. With every stroke of my pen I felt the cares, troubles and worries fall of my shoulders.

Jacob is waiting patiently over on his balcony for me to return the notepad. I’m finally telling someone… everything. Day of bottled pain, finally breaking out! I lean over the railing, holding it out for him. He leans over as well and grabs my hand.

“Everything will be ok. You don’t need to hold back anymore. I’m here. I won’t leave you.”




yep! and there's more on the way!!! this surprise thing has really got me back into this story, so i'll be posting a lot, with a lot less space inbetween posts! so thanks everybody! = ) love you all lots!

~Jesusfreak!
 
ok! so what are you guys thinking? liking it? not liking it? i need some opinions... and well... i have the first part of chapter 7 all ready to go, typed up and everything... but, hmm... it doesn't look i'm getting any comments! i guess i'll just have to wait to post it... so sad! lol!

in other words, PLEASE REVIEW MY STORY!!
 
Ok... so here's the first part of Chapter 7!!! eek! i'm excited! = ) soooo... ok... well, i'll need LOTS of opinions... LOTS... if you like this and think it's working then i'll keep going... if not, i'll go back and rewrite it! = )

Part One of Chapter 7

“Hey! Melony, wait up!” Jacob runs up behind me. I stop and smile. He flings me around into a huge bear hug. “Happy birthday Mel! Sixteen, pretty exciting, huh?”

His strong arms hold me so tightly that I’m having problems breathing. I laugh silently and hit his arm.

“Oh, sorry!” He releases me.




Ok... so we time traveled a little bit... is that good? i'll explain later sort of what's happened in those... 7 years! that we sort of just skipped over... but is that good? bad? ok? OPINIONS PLEASE!!! thanks!

God Bless!

~Jesusfreak!
 
I just got a little surprised. But of course you have to explain what happened to her, if she sees Charlie again, if she went to jake's school and else... I like it, though.
Good job, sis.
 
Ok... so here's the first part of Chapter 7!!! eek! i'm excited! = ) soooo... ok... well, i'll need LOTS of opinions... LOTS... if you like this and think it's working then i'll keep going... if not, i'll go back and rewrite it! = )

Part One of Chapter 7

“Hey! Melony, wait up!” Jacob runs up behind me. I stop and smile. He flings me around into a huge bear hug. “Happy birthday Mel! Sixteen, pretty exciting, huh?”

His strong arms hold me so tightly that I’m having problems breathing. I laugh silently and hit his arm.

“Oh, sorry!” He releases me.




Ok... so we time traveled a little bit... is that good? i'll explain later sort of what's happened in those... 7 years! that we sort of just skipped over... but is that good? bad? ok? OPINIONS PLEASE!!! thanks!

God Bless!

~Jesusfreak!

Time travel...I'm confused... :p
 
Thanks for your comments!!! next part of chapter 7!!! yippy!

ok... well, i really like this chapter because, you get to see what melony looks like!!! yippy!! = ) well, what i think she looks like. you might have a different idea. = )

eekk!!! and there's another twist to this part of the chapter!! = ) it's got something different from the entire rest of the book so far! =)

Part Two of Chapter 7

I look at her. She’s beautiful. Look at that smile.

“What are you doing tonight Mel?” I ask her. She ponders the thought and then starts to sign.

“Oh, duh,” she signals by playfully hitting her forehead with the palm of her hand. “I’m hangout with my dad tonight,” she tells me with her quick, rapid sign language.

How could this amazing girl just fall into my life? Just minding my own business and then I nearly plowed her over with all those boxes. Now, seven years later, she’s standing before me, gorgeous as a new sun rise. She’s perfect. Her lovely, big light blue eyes, with navy rings around the irises gaze at me. I can not break her stare. She is wearing her very dark auburn hair in lose curls. Even with it curled, it still reaches the middle of her back. It is falling around her shoulders. She’s so tiny; her head fits right under my chin. Her skin glows or maybe it’s just her smile. It’s is pale, clean and beautiful, so perfect that it would look fake… on anyone other than Melony. The way she moves. The way she smiles. Everything about her makes my heart pick up tempo.

Snap! She snaps her fingers in my face. My thoughts are scattered.

“Come on. It’s time go to class,” she signs. I follow my angel, but have to turn into my classroom. As I turn away from her I wounds if I’ll ever be able to tell her. Tell her how I truly feel. I love you Melony.





OMGOSH! lol! i love this because it's told by Jacob!!! =) lol!!! ah! i love it! i think that chapter 7 is going to be my favorite in the entire book!!! =)

ok, ok!! lots of feedback!! thanks guys! love ya!

God Bless!

~Jesusfreak!
 
WOW, SISTER!!

I wasn't expecting that, hahaha. Aww... I love Jacob. Gosh, why are boys so perfect on books written by girls? Lol, kidding.
I got like "What the...?" when I began the chapter cuz I still thought it was Melony but then I realized it was jake and I just had a good deal of laughter, hun. I hope you can post more. and MORE, please. Take us somewhere with the story, ok? Heehee.
I love your story. Thanks for ur comments on mine.
I love you!
 
WOW, SISTER!!

I wasn't expecting that, hahaha. Aww... I love Jacob. Gosh, why are boys so perfect on books written by girls? Lol, kidding.
I got like "What the...?" when I began the chapter cuz I still thought it was Melony but then I realized it was jake and I just had a good deal of laughter, hun. I hope you can post more. and MORE, please. Take us somewhere with the story, ok? Heehee.
I love your story. Thanks for ur comments on mine.
I love you!

LOL!!!!

I know!!! *sigh* perfect guys are usually only in books... let's just hope we find something that are real? ;) hehee...

lol!!!! yep, jake is talking... it would be a little.... odd if it was melony talking...

the story is going somewhere don't worry! :) lol, i just don't know quite where yet tho! :)

ur welcome! i love you too big sis!!!
 
Part Three of Chapter 7

He remembered! He remembered my birthday! What could make this day any better?

Ring! Oh no! First bell. I better hurry. I start off, walking extremely down the closely packed hall of other people who are running a bit late this morning. I get multiple “Happy Birthday!”’s as I make my way to my first hour. I smile at everyone who passes.

“Melony Austin!” I spin at the sound of Mr. Botter calling my name. He quickly walks up to me. There is a young boy in tail behind him, maybe around fourteen. “Melony, you’ve been special requested by a shadow today.”

I raise my hand to my throat and give him a puzzled look.

“I know. I explained that, but he was adamant that he wanted you. Actually, they both were.” I give another puzzled look.

“Jason and Alec Hoffman? I’m guessing you know them.” I spin to look at the boy standing next to Mr. Botter again. No way! That couldn’t be Alec! Oh but it is. I never could forget that face. The dark black, almost blue hair framing it. The emerald eyes, pale skin. The small boy I met seven years ago is no longer so small. He towers over me by several inches, thin as a rail.

Oh my. Now I see him. Jason, looking exactly the same. A huge smile crosses his face as he spots us. He quickens his pace and walks towards us. Jason, his copper hair shining, even in the artificial fluorescent lights, the perfect pale skin and… Gab’s eyes.

All the years, all the years of trying to forget Gab, scattered in one quick second. One look at the boy who had faded from my mind with the years. All the pain of losing Gab washes upon me. I feel sick to my stomach. I push back the nausea and the silly idea of connecting Jason and… and Gab.

“Well, Melony, we decided that Alex will shadow you and Jason will shadow someone his age or older, since you’re younger,” Mr. Botter informs.

A foolish wave of relief rushes over me. I won’t have to have those eyes on me all day. But that’s so stupid! I shouldn’t e feeling this way.

“Oh!” I quickly spin back to Mr. Botter. “How will I talk to him?” I sign to him. He was kind enough to learn sign language so that I would be allowed to go to school here. He met me back when I was in second grade and I was trying to figure out where I’d be allowed to go to school. No where would take me, but with a little pushing from Caroline, my good grades and Mr. Botter’s fondness of me, the board allowed me to come to St. John’s Christian Academy.

“Well, you could write on a pad of paper all day.” I give a disgusted look. “Or I could excuse Jacob from the clases he doesn’t have with you and he could translate.” I think about this for a moment. I don’t think he has any tests today. It would be nice to have Jacob with me all day.

“Yes, I would like that,” I sign.

“Ok, how about the three of you go down to the office and wait. I’ll go get Jacob and find a person for you to shadow, Jason.” Jason nods. I smile at Mr. Botter and he turns and goes down the hall.

I turn to Jason and Alec. Well actually, I look up at them. I gently grab a piece of their sleeves and tug, hopefully telling them to follow me. They seem to get the idea. I head off down the hall.

We arrive at the office. Jason scoots around me and holds the door open for me. Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. I give him a smile and dainty nod.

As soon as we are all through the door, Alec starts up the chatter. “So Melony! It’s been a long time.”

I look around for something to write with. Mrs. Hoppock leans over her desk with a pad of paper and pen. “Here you go sweetie.” I smile and take it.

“It has been long, very long. I can’t believe you still remember me. It’s been seven years,” I write.

“How could we forget? That was one of the weirdest visits we ever had. Our mother still talks about you and your mom all the time.”

“Really? Ha, well, I was surprised. So why are you guys shadowing today?”

“I’ll answer that,” Jason butts in. “Our dad’s job just transferred him her. Your mom is constantly telling ours about St. John’s Christian Academy. Needless to say, our mom was pretty excited to hear that we were moving here of all places.

I nod, mesmerized by his voice. I could sit and listen to him talk all day. I think that essential shock of them being here is starting to wear off. Seeing them is like a dream, a good dream.




Ok!!! i'll need lots of feedback to keep me motivated!! did you like this part? are there things that i should change? any suggestions on what should happen next??? :) you can leave me a message here or pm!!!

love ya all!!!

God Bless!

~Jesusfreak!
 
anyone got any opinions for me???? please????????
omg, I'm always sad when u name "Gab"
But it's good. I can't find the difference between ages, tho. It's as if she still was nine years old... maybe because she grew up so quickly that she was like a grown up before and nothing much changed now, right?
Luv yah and miss you!
 
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