Really Bad Jokes.

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening....(sung to "Some Enchanted Evening")

A horse went into a bar. The barkeep said, "Hey pal, why the long face?"

Harry Potter was driving down the street and suddenly turned his car into an alley...

Here's one for Copperfox.... "If a man talks in the forest with no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"

Here's an odd hybrid of two different jokes... What do you get when you cross a road with a chicken? To the other side.

King Arthur once owned a hunting hound as large as a small horse. Sir Gawain asked if he could ride on its back, but the king shook his head. (brace yourselves...) "I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."

How do you put a rhinoceros in a refrigerator? Open the door, put the rhino inside, then close the door. Ok, so how do you put a whale in a refrigerator? Open the door, take the rhino out, put the whale in, and shut the door. Any questions?
 
EveningStar said:
How do you put a rhinoceros in a refrigerator? Open the door, put the rhino inside, then close the door. Ok, so how do you put a whale in a refrigerator? Open the door, take the rhino out, put the whale in, and shut the door. Any questions?
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The lion, king of all animals, gives a party and every animal is invited. Who isn't there?
The whale, he's still in the fridge

You get to a river and there's a sign: "caution, crocodiles". There's no bridge, no boat and no plants that can help you act like Tarzan and get to the other side. How do you get to the other side?
You just swim, the crocodiles are at the lion's party.
 
SHORT FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time there was a fox and three fat little mice. Once upon a time that is. And the fox lived happily ever after.

The End
 
Andrea: why are there holes in the first layer of glass outside the window!?
me: ...0.o...THERE REALLY ARE HOLES IN THE FIRST GLASS! (the window has 2 layers of glass)
chef instructor: well, there's been some gang activity around here, so who knows what happened, but we think that those are from rocks.
Andrea: that's so freaky!!!
me: well...let's just say they were trying to rock the kitchen.

*ba-dum-bum-chhh*

Ashley:CHEF!!! why are there dents in the window above the sink!??!
chef: I threw up the wrong gang sign.

ahhahahahahhaa. xD
 
What has four paws and one arm?
A happy pitbull.

If it falls out of a tree, your fridge is broken, what is it?
Your fridge

It's yellow and if it gets in your eye, you die, what is it?
A yellow train.
 
EveningStar said:
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening....(sung to "Some Enchanted Evening")

A horse went into a bar. The barkeep said, "Hey pal, why the long face?"

Harry Potter was driving down the street and suddenly turned his car into an alley...

Here's one for Copperfox.... "If a man talks in the forest with no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"

Here's an odd hybrid of two different jokes... What do you get when you cross a road with a chicken? To the other side.

King Arthur once owned a hunting hound as large as a small horse. Sir Gawain asked if he could ride on its back, but the king shook his head. (brace yourselves...) "I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."

How do you put a rhinoceros in a refrigerator? Open the door, put the rhino inside, then close the door. Ok, so how do you put a whale in a refrigerator? Open the door, take the rhino out, put the whale in, and shut the door. Any questions?
Click to expand...

I love your corny jokes ES, I'm sure Machia would appreciate them


I'm horrible at jokes in the first place but I was commenting that the Doctor has a habit of talking to himself as I was watching the Five Doctors

*doctor who fans bang their heads against their computer desks*

did I tell these before?

What's green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.

What's blue and fluffy?
blue fluff
What's pink and fluffy?
blue fluff holding its breath
 
Well, once upon a time, there was this really good piano tuner. His name was Opporknockity. So, one day, he went to the house of a famous pianist and tuned the piano. Then he left, and the pianist sat down to play the piano, but it still sounded a little off. So he called Opporknockity, and said, "hey, my piano's still off, come back and re-tune it!" But Opporknockity said, "Don't you know? Opporknockity only tunes once!"

Okay, here's an even worse one:

Chicken Little: Hey, what's up?
Other Person: Um... they sky?
Chicken Little: NOT FOR LONG! Hahahahahhahaha...
 
(get ready . . .)

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.

What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord?
A demented chord.
 
I'd have been a historian, but there's no future in it...

I'm not a real actor, I just play one on TV...
 
Olórin the Wise said:
Well, once upon a time, there was this really good piano tuner. His name was Opporknockity. So, one day, he went to the house of a famous pianist and tuned the piano. Then he left, and the pianist sat down to play the piano, but it still sounded a little off. So he called Opporknockity, and said, "hey, my piano's still off, come back and re-tune it!" But Opporknockity said, "Don't you know? Opporknockity only tunes once!"
Oh man, I heard that one once before :rolleyes:

it's sad that I can actually laugh at most of these

I've heard a fun one about an insane asylum before but I have to remember it
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Ever notice that when the guy gets the girl in fairy tales, they live "happily ever after"? If that's so I want Snow White's email address.
 
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A short fairy tale:
Once there were a man and a woman. The man asked the woman to marry him. The woman said no. And she lived happily ever after.
 
Once upon a time there was an insane asylum

in the insane asylum was a man who was going around saying "I am George Washington"

One day he went up to one of his fellow patients and said "I am George Washington!"

His fellow patient said "No you're not, I'm George Washington!"

He answered "Why do you think you're George Washington"

"God told me"

and a voice from down the hall said

"No I didn't"
 
There was once a man of the world of SINGULAR that wandered through the boonie, wearing a pant. He stepped on a mine and was blown into a smithereen. I saw it with my own eye and it scared the wit out of me.
 
Random thought on that subject: My dad was saying that in the Christmas Carol the Ghost of Christmas Present only speaks in present tense. (My dad was the Ghost of Christmas Present in our play)
 
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