Really Bad Jokes.

Dernhelm said:
'Nother old thread. True Crusader - Grey Cloak's younger brother (other family on this forum: Capstick, Smog)

Bad Jokes:

How many hobbits does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, it takes twenty because:
Three to find a ladder that reaches up to the sky
Seven to find a lightbulb in the dark halls of stone
Nine to steady the ladder so the one on top doesn't die
One to install the lightbulb, on the ladder, all alone
In a land called The Shire, where very few shadows lie.

How many Tolkien purists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None -- the lightbulb was not in the book!

Why did Beren cross the road?
To go to the second-hand shop

Why can't Saruman read his wristwatch?
Because his arm has grown long.
Click to expand...

*Dies laughing* Hahahahaha, best LOTR jokes ever! Granted, I don't know many others...
 
Dernhelm said:
'Nother old thread. True Crusader - Grey Cloak's younger brother (other family on this forum: Capstick, Smog)

Bad Jokes:

How many hobbits does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, it takes twenty because:
Three to find a ladder that reaches up to the sky
Seven to find a lightbulb in the dark halls of stone
Nine to steady the ladder so the one on top doesn't die
One to install the lightbulb, on the ladder, all alone
In a land called The Shire, where very few shadows lie.

How many Tolkien purists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None -- the lightbulb was not in the book!

Why did Beren cross the road?
To go to the second-hand shop

Why can't Saruman read his wristwatch?
Because his arm has grown long.
Click to expand...


Loved the Beren one!!!! Haha!!!!!!! Actually, I loved all of them. Do tell...:p
 
WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER?

....... a mime with an ax in his head. :D



No offense to any mimes out there!! :p
[I can just imagine a mime's reaction though :p]
 
lol me and my smaug were looking in Club House and one of the jokes were

q.how many kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb

a.lets ride bikes

i dont get it lol do you?
 
My friend told me this one and it's funnier in person because some people don't get it automatically.


Three girls were riding in a car. Their names were Sarah, Patty, and Nicole. NIcole was driving and crashed the car into a ditch and they were all killed and sent to heaven.

God said, "There's only one rule here: You cannot step on a duck. If you do, you'll be punished."

So the three girls were walkin' around and Sarah stepped on a duck. She went up to God to get her punishment...........and was sentenced to the most handsome guy in prison.
Patty stepped on two ducks and also went to God for her punishment-and was sentenced to the second most beautiful guy in prison.
Nicole didn't step on any ducks so she went to God and said, "I didn't step on any ducks. Shouldn't I be rewarded?"
God thought for a moment and said, "Yes. You will be rewarded."
Nicole was given to the most beautiful man in heaven. When she was talking with her new husband Nicole asked how he got here.

To which her new husband replied, "I stepped on a duck."
 
three people in a forest. suddenly, a fairy appears.

"everyone of you has one wish" s he says. wow.
"i wish for a big house" says the first one.
"i wish for a beautiful wife" says the second one.
"i wish my shoulder would always jerk" says the third man.

one year later they meet again.
"you wouldn't believe what a big beautiful house i have" says the first man.
"and have you met my wife?" says the second man.
"i think i wished for crap" says the third man.
 
LadyArya said:
lol me and my smaug were looking in Club House and one of the jokes were

q.how many kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb

a.lets ride bikes

i dont get it lol do you?
Click to expand...
I think this one is saying about how kids have such short attencion spans. And get distracted easily.
 
a man walks into a bar....and says ouch.

a blonde is watching a brunette run in the middle of the street chanting ' 67 67 67 67...' the blonde runs up and asks the brunette why she is chanting 67. Just then the blonde is hit by a car. The brunette keeps jogging and chanting '68 68 68 68...'

get it? ;)

*don't take the blonde one as offencive please!
 
A Great Writer

When asked what meant for him to be "a great writer", he answered:

"One who is read by thousands of people, but not only that, one whose writings make people react, on reading them, they are moved, they cry, they shout, sometimes they revolt."

He has succeeded.

He is a programmer at Microsoft.

He writes the error messages.
 
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread

No offense to any lambs who might read this. [;)]
 
An English man, a French man and a German man are sitting in a bar.
Bar tender: "Is this a joke?"

I knew another one but I kinda lost it...
 
what do you call a guy with a shovel? Doug
what do you call a guy without a shovel? Douglas
what do you call a guy that hangs around your front door? Matt
what do you call a guy covered in sticks and leaves? Russel
what do you call a bald guy? Sean
what do you call Bob the Builder when he retires? Just Bob

:)
 
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