Roleplay By Monologues

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The reason why the ostrich found a dropped Viking helmet was because the Vikings had been driven off--NO thanks to all the Change Party politicians who insisted that everyone except Christians could be peacefully negotiated with.

Ah-To, the long-lost kung-fu master who had helped the adventurers in Wonderland, had finally found his way into Monologues territory, just in time to kill 25 or so Vikings with his bare hands when they attacked him. Then, before the Chinese hero could be overwhelmed by numbers, veteran rock star Ted Nugent came driving to the scene in a giant-wheel monster pickup that he had borrowed from ZZ Top, and squashed several more invaders. At this, they fled; and Mr. Nugent gave Ah-To a ride to civilization. As they went, Mr. Nugent remarked to his passenger, "Off-road driving's gotten to have a lot less risk of hurting people, now that there aren't so many 13-year-old girls riding horses on mysterious quests that no boy or adult can understand."
 
The Change Party hooligans who had harassed Copperfox's restaurant seemed now to have bigger fish to fry; so Copperfox allowed himself to turn some attention to finding a female dancer to be part of a ballroom-dance exhibition. There was one he had heard of named Josie, who would have been perfectly suited for the performance; unfortunately, she was dealing with an accidental injury. So he kept on looking.

The bagpipe-playing belly dancer was out of the question.
 
Having no right to be playing in the Roleplay by Monopoly at this time, and having other fish that needed to be frying for the Octopus Restaurant, nevertheless the out of work bagpipe-playing belly dancer amused herself by reciting one of her favorite poems:

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."

Ted Nugent moved his little car to the Reading Railroad space and began writing a tune. For some mysterious reason, the rhythm he imagined for the text went something like this:

dah DAH dah, dah dah DAH dha dah
Dah DAH dah DAH-dah dah dah dah;
Dah DAH-dah dah dah DAH dah dah,
dah dah DAH dah dah DAH.

Suddenly his tune modulated, and the rhythm as well. As if being directed by his Muse, the tune he was writing as well as the rhythm became as one with the song being sung by the munchkins about Twinkies and Ho Hos. Tiger-Lily and the boys joined in as well, and Tink-Tink, too. But not Toto.

Joan of Arc protested to the attaching of Little Debbie to the mast, and strongly protested to the setting of fire by the rubbing of sticks together or any other manner. So she rode in on her horse to the deck of the ship, untied Tiger-Lilly, gathered up all usable stick and stick-substitutes, and sailed off with Tiger-Lily and Little Debbie in the life raft from the Titanic.

And now I am going to walk away from the computer and read a bit of Mere Christianity.

Editor's note: That post was a killer on the spell-checker.
 
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Xena and Gabrielle were still airborne in the Goodyear Blimp, flying over a football stadium to watch a basketball game. They noticed fans beginning a food-fight in one area of the stands; so they descended on ropes from the hovering blimp, and proceeded to beat forty or fifty men senseless. Only after this did they realize that the wind had shifted their descent, moving them to a part of the seats twenty yards away from the disturbance; thus, NOT ONE of the men they had beaten up had anything at all to do with the riot. But Xena and Gabrielle didn't let this detail trouble their empowered-woman self-esteem. After all, those WERE still men they had assaulted, so they must have been guilty of something. They knew that what counted most with a very large part of their fan base was for men, ANY men, to be hurt and humiliated.
 
In the next post, one of our thirteen-year-old role players who had characters that were even "better" to Xena and Gabrielle, posted that her character was actually hovering over the super bowl in her "Good Ship Lollipop." She was an extremely cruel and evil queen who did not need ropes to get down to beat up all those men watching the game. This queen had the ability to hover down over any spot where more than one man congregated and "teach the pigs a lesson," as she said.
 
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BarbarianKing heard that Emmett and Copperfox were thinking about hiring Josie_Caspian for their ballroom dance exhibition but were discourage because of Josie's recent hip injury. However, BarbarianKing believed that Josie could pull it off. Besides, HE, disguised as Josie (which was ridiculous, really), was willing to perform the most difficult moves, even if his spine snapped in two from the excertion. This was bound to happen because BarbarianKing had not done any decent dancing since John Travolta taught him to do Disco when he was a little boy.

He approached Emmett and Copperfox to try to convince them not to give up on Josie just yet. He also told them that both He and Josie could perform together. Looking at BarbarianKing, Emmett raised one eyebrow and said, "You, dance?" And he and Copperfox let loose a very hearty laugh. He waited in silence the full 35 minutes it took them to stop laughing at him and then told them:

"Well, even if Josie and I can't dance, we can at least enter a sheep tossing contest, if you have one."
 
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Copperfox told them, "Toss all the haggis you like, as long as * I * don't have to EAT any. Have YOU ever actually eaten that stuff? Once was enough for me, back in the day, when Mary and I used to go to Scottish and Irish festivals. As for the dancing exhibition, I already have someone else lined up; but there'll be another time for that прекрасная девушка [gorgeous young woman] Josie." Emmett stood by Copperfox on this, being already informed of who Josie's stand-in was.

Meanwhile, the girl who was playing a superwoman to outdo Xena in humiliating men went out to the shopping mall to spend more of her father's money. Bat-Bat was vigilantly watching her in case she tried to start a vampire-werewolf roleplay.
 
In true contradictory spirit, The Lost Boys promptly organize a haggis toss in which all must participate (but not eat!).

Tinkerbell ponders to Little Debbie: "I wonder who might be the dancing partner? Might she be a mysterious Russian Dancer?"

"Bring back the Grey Eagle", responded LD.

So off Tinkerbell went, in search of the Grey Eagle, and ducking haggis' in her flight path.
 
Tinkerbell soon was met in mid-flight by none other than the Grey Eagle himself, who told her: "It's just me, Joseph Ravitts--the one who blew the whistle on those Fairness Doctrine activists demanding that Captain Hook win half the time. I don't assume the superhero identity very often, because it only makes me feel worse about NOT being able to right wrongs under normal-reality conditions. But if Little Debbie needs something, take me to her, and I'll help her out if I can."
 
The munchkins, seeing great wads of haggis heaving and tossing through the air of their fair, technicolor land called the local constable who came in waving his tin axe and whistling from the funnel on his head.

"All right, all right, what's this ruckus? All you young hooligans! Start cleaning this mess up at once!"

Tinkerbell, annoyed at his interruption, promptly sprinkled him with fairy-dust causing him to float around the place like a tin blimp, though he exhibited severe altitude problems due to his unhappy thoughts.
 
Now onto the scene came the Grey Eagle, as requested by Tinkerbell. He saw to it that Little Debbie and the Tin Man were safe; then, before he could catch a break, he noticed more new arrivals--the superheroines from the Sailor Moon anime series.

The Grey Eagle was quick to inform these girls that they would NOT be allowed, anyplace in Dancing Lawn jurisdiction, to behave in certain ways they behaved in the original uncut Japanese versions of their cartoons. Hearing this, the Sailor girls departed again in a sulking huff.
 
Tom Terrific and Mr. Green Jeans wandered in to the scene. They were dazed and confused. Tom noticed with interest the Tin Man's funnel hat. "Hmmmmm", he mused.

Then they joined in the haggis-throwing/cleaning festivities.
 
Meanwhile, several members of the evil entertainment conspiracy welcomed a man who had been invited to join them.

"Do you understand why you are here? Because of your scripting work on the old 'Miami Vice' TV series."

The newcomer nodded. "Yes, I understand that you ladies and gentlemen were very pleased with episodes of that series which depicted persons from Southeast Asia."

Another evil executive put in: "Exactly! We would have been satisfied with just that one story where a North Vietnamese officer was a noble hero, and a man who had fought _against_ the Communists was a psychotic villain; but you gave us even _more_ than that! You tarred a whole _tribe_ of people as villains collectively, just for being against Communism!"

The newcomer shrugged with a modest look. "Of course, the episode you're talking about didn't come out and SAY verbatim, 'The Lao Hmong people are evil because they didn't want to be ruled by Communists;' but the script made sure that the only _image_ the viewer ever got of the Lao Hmong was of--"

"Warlords and assassins!" a woman in the group enthusiastically finished for him. "Brilliant!"

"And of course, the NBC network did its part for you," said the newcomer, "by completely ignoring protests from viewers who _didn't_ like the blatant pro-Communist bias."

"So they did," agreed the first executive who had spoken. "And now, we have a job to offer you, taking the progressive reconstruction of history further. Do you know who Tom Dooley was?--not the folk song, the 20th-century doctor?"

The guest nodded. "Yes; he started out as a U.S. Navy doctor, bringing humanitarian aid to the Vietnamese in the 1950's; then after he got out of the Navy, he began his own medical outreach in Laos, with two or three pharmaceutical companies donating huge amounts of medical supplies to help him care for poor people in the jungle."

"I love this guy!" exclaimed a second woman in the group. "He's already got ALL our target groups identified!"

"Except for adding that Dr. Dooley was a Catholic, and we have to target them, too," said the leading talker. Turning to the newcomer, he went on: "As you know, we have it on the highest authority that there was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be proud about in the United States until the latest Presidential campaign. Therefore, it is the duty of the entertainment industry to _make_ this declaration _retroactively_ become the truth. Accordingly, we are going to make a movie about Tom Dooley as WE want him to be perceived. In so doing, we can kill several birds with one stone: we can make the Armed Forces look evil, we can make 1950's America look evil, we can make the Catholic church look evil, we can make all anti-Communist Asians look evil--your specialty, of course--AND we can _maintain_ the image we already advocate of the pharmaceutical companies as being evil!"

The guest raised his eyebrows. "But how does it make Pfizer and other firms look BAD to show them helping the medical work for free?"

"I'm surprised that you even have to ask. We're going to say--rather, _your_ script is going to say--that Dr. Dooley was an evil _agent_ for the evil pharmaceutical companies, and that he was really _poisoning_ people in Laos! We'll depict him with a mad-scientist laboratory, performing horrible experiments on his captives! At the climax, the heroic Pathet-Lao Communist freedom fighters will rescue the beautiful Burmese girl he's torturing..."

The newcomer suddenly rose from his chair. "Actually, there's been _enough_ torture already--for ME, having to listen to you!" With a flourish of newly-appearing wings, he was revealed as actually being BAT-BAT! "I've recorded everything you've said, and it's going to be made as public as I can make it!" As the _real_ evildoers gaped in amazement, the superhero flew triumphantly out the window.

Bat-Bat made sure to tell Copperfox about the successful infiltration at the first opportunity; he knew that the _actual_ Tom Dooley, a wise and compassionate man EVEN THOUGH he disapproved of Communism, had been one of Copperfox's boyhood heroes. Now, for the near future at least, ONE American hero's honor had been protected from the agenda of those who claimed America had nothing to be proud about before the 2008 election campaign.
 
Noting that Copperfox had now included self-insertion in the tale, Prim made a mad dash across the bizarre rpg landscape, staggering out of breath back out the other door before the various denizens had quite registered that she was there.

"Who was that odd-looking woman?" Tiger-Lily asked. "If she was thirteen years old, I'll eat my headdress!"

"Maybe it's just taking her a very, very long time to complete her quest," said Faramir, who had only recently emerged from a hidden tunnel that connected Oz with Middle-earth.

"Sounds reasonable to me," agreed Wolverine, the pirates and bald hedgehog nodding in agreement.

"Hnnnoooork!" said the ostrich.
 
Jake, Emmett's younger brother, sees TOJ and offers to dance with her, explaining that this thread NEVER TRIED to have one smooth and clear storyline. This thread was begun by Copperfox after he had had enough of people REFUSING to stick with a clear storyline in roleplaying that WAS supposed to have a clear storyline.
 
Meanwhile, the Queen of all Primates Except Humans had nothing to do and was bored. She thought about starting a vampire RP thread but knew that it would be locked in no time. Besides that, she also knew that Bat-Bat, despite being busy infiltrating an evil Hollywood empire was carefully watching TDL in case any vampire nonsense turned out.

With the help of some flying monkeys, she decided she would go watch music videos instead.
 
SEPTEMBER OF 1944:

In what the Allies call Operation Market Garden, British and American troops push into occupied Holland, liberating the first segment of the enslaved nation. Just as they are making plans to press for Arnhem and force a Rhine River crossing, a time machine materializes at an Allied field headquarters. Before the astonished eyes of the soldiers, a 21st-century American couple steps out.

The husband scolds the American and British officers: "Look at you deranged military men--rushing to war without ever even thinking of diplomacy!"

The wife scolds more shrilly: "You just hate the Germans for being DIFFERENT from you!" Her husband then adds: "None of this would have happened if you had all just redistributed everything!"

The American and British commanders look at each other. "By Jove, old chap, they have a point!" "You bet, limey, let's all quit now and go home."

So the Allies call off the liberation, leaving the Low Countries in German hands. Hitler is enabled to shift all his forces to the East to hold back the Russians...makes a treaty with Stalin...and lives to be 97 years old, still controlling almost half of his conquests.
 
BarbarianKing said:
A rumor had been spread weeks before about Brooke Shields being a secret member of TDL. Certain reporter had been inquiring about this in Dufferland and he apparently stepped on some toes. One day the reporter was found in a desolate park, hogtied with duct tape and mumbling: "Gondorgirl Eats! Gondorgirl Eats!." People still thought he was referring to a new Eatery started as a competition to the Octopus Garden.

The reporter was so incoherent that he was useless in providing any valuable information about what had happened to him. Upon further investigation, the police's only clue was some guy named Barbarian....Ring.... Thing.... something, who was thought to have had a life-long crush on Ms. Shields. However the police were never able to confirm anything and of course they never found any suspects or other clues and the case is now cold.

What made this case even more baffling was the fact that upon releasing the poor reporter from his binds, he immediately ran back to Dufferland, where he is still lost in the threads.

The rumor is that only Bat-Bat knows the reporter whereabouts now as he is secretly watching the poor dude. But Bat-Bat ain't talking.
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BarbarianKing said:
Meanwhile, cold case investigators were trying to ascertain the identity of this so called Barbarian....thing...ring... something but kept running into dead ends. Beside, it would take them the power of ten suns just to go through one thread in Dufferland to try to find the lost reporter. And Bat-Bat was still not talking.
A few remaining ragged pieces of duct tape were still in a ziploc bag in the evidence room, but they had already been tested by so many people that they kept finding new sets of prints and DNA. Some even matched the saliva from the dog of the principal cold case investigator.
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Based on questionable obtained information, which was false anyway, some investigators were sent to South America. They had heard from some jealous relative of this Barbarian... something that TDL might be the initials of some guerrilla organization.

The ones who went to South America actually found a restaurant in Brazil called "Todos Dufers son Locos" and they stayed there "investigating" over some good Brazilian Barbecue and a bottle of some strong-smelling beverage. Finding no evidence of anything there, they came back to the United States and decided they would try to infiltrate dufferland instead.
Since they were not funny at all in their posts, they immediately gave themselves away and were banned.

Meanwhile, rumors began to circulate that the "lost reporter" was a member of the duffer choir. But no one had actually seen him in a while.

In other threads, BarbarianKing was trying to haggle some Pixie powder from Tinkerbell, trying to bribe her with thimbles and kisses for a bag of that powder. BarbarianKing planned to use it on Josie to help her hover with ease through any ballroom dance routine. Or at least to help her fly farther in the sheep tossing event.
 
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