Roleplay By Monologues

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An emergency meeting was held at the headquarters of the Octopus Garden Restaurants, Ltd. to discuss the rumors concerning possible competition from the Gunslinger Steakhouse and Gondorgirl Eats. It was decided that Luigi should approach Gondorgirl and Mrs. Gunslinger about the possibility of a) a friendly merger or, b) a food fight.

Because it was a day for meetings, the members of the Change Party also met to concern themselves with the implied threat from their opponent, Chuck Norris and his Gunslinger for President campaign. It was decided to disarm Mr. Norris so he would be ineligible to run under the Gunslinger banner.


In keeping with the contradictory policy of this thread, the above entry is valid AS a contradiction--as long as one realizes that it IS a contradiction of the make-believe fact that Copperfox and Emmett are buddies, running a restaurant association between them with mutual cooperation between their establishments.
 
In keeping with the contradictory policy of this thread, the above entry is valid AS a contradiction--as long as one realizes that it IS a contradiction of the make-believe fact that Copperfox and Emmett are buddies, running a restaurant association between them with mutual cooperation between their establishments.

In keeping with the contradictory policy of this thread, the writer of the entry in question was blissfully unaware of the make-believe association between Copperfox and Emmett at the time of its writing.
 
Well, where's the fun in THAT? You're supposed to contradict on purpose! Here, I'll show you:


Trinity suddenly said to Jake: "Being around you has made me forget all about Neo! Take me, you sexy beast, I'm yours!"

Jake, now filled with desire, was asking Trinity to kick him as a proof of her love, when Emmett shouted, "You can't do that! She's mine! I asked her to hit me before YOU ever did!"

The brothers drew guns and shot each other dead. Trinity then got married to the crooked lawyer who had helped her arrange to "inherit" Emmett's stock in the Gunslinger Steakhouse chain.



Then this post gets ignored hereafter.
 
Dealing the cards, Elizabeth Clare said, "Nana Joan, how did you learn to play double solitaire?" "Double Sol", said Nana Joan (though not her real name, of course), "was a game me mother and I played for hours when I was a child living alone with her for a time in rural Missouri. It's a game few know how to play, that I know of. So as your God-mother, it is my pleasure now to play it with you." Elizabeth is about the age Nana Joan was when she played Double SOl with her mother. Elizabeth is fascinated with all things medieval. :eek:
 
The woman and the girl are interrupted in their bonding time by eight or ten unfamiliar 13-year-old girls crowding into the room. One of these 13-year-olds, apparently speaking for them all, asks Elizabeth, "If we act interested in that middle-evil stuff too, do you think they'll let us go back to riding horses on lonely quests that no one else understands?"
 
Elizabeth Clare enjoyed the implication that the 13 year old girls might "play" that they are interested in that middle-eagle stuff when she herself was sincerely interested and, in fact, quite knowledgeable about the subject. Although only 12, Elizabeth loves to ride horses AND knows she deserves to go on lonely quests that no one else understands -- "no one else", meaning of course, adults with the possible exception of Nana Joan. "How dare they try to manipulate their way into my very sincere story line" she asked, mournfully.

Nana Joan then cleared the board and set up for the next game of chess.
 
Meanwhile, cold case investigators were trying to ascertain the identity of this so called Barbarian....thing...ring... something but kept running into dead ends. Beside, it would take them the power of ten suns just to go through one thread in Dufferland to try to find the lost reporter. And Bat-Bat was still not talking.
A few remaining ragged pieces of duct tape was still in a ziploc bag in the evidence room, but they had already been tested by so many people that they kept finding new sets of prints and DNA. Some even matched the saliva from the dog of the principal cold case investigator.
 
Evidence of saliva was also found on Jake & Emmet's firearms. This case still was warm, despite the temperature outside in Alaska. Emet & Jake came back to life with a quick shake of the legs. Wrapping the evidence in duct tape, the investigator deposited it in his boot and declared, "No one moves until we determine the name of this Barbarian on the loose." Emmet & Jake: follw me. Dexter Dog: you lead the way.

Sniffing voraciously, Dexter went about 3 feet before he stopped to sniff the spot where the next door neighbor dog, Pepe le Peu had visited recently. Sniff. Sniff . Sniff. Then he had to sit down and play with his squeaky toy. At which point, exasperated, the investigator muttered to himself, "Barbarian...bing...cling...ding...fling..gring....hing...jing...jing-----le...Hmm, that sounds right, Barbarian Jing--le!!"

And off they went, leaving Dexter Dog behind with lots of dog treats, hot on the trail of the Barbarian Jing-le in the heat of 10 suns.
 
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Meanwhile, since NONE of the stuff about Emmett and Jake shooting each other had EVER happened, the two brothers were ACTUALLY getting back into the routines of running the steakhouse, which was NOT in Alaska. Emmett said to Jake:

"Old Joe Squid was telling me, 'fore we got distracted with that Wonderland mess, that him an' his second wife useta go sometimes to a sorta cowboy club called The Stampede. They had a mechanical bull there--an' Joe actually stayed on it more'n five seconds; but more's the point, they had a DANCE FLOOR. Provided our business keeps improvin' like it's been, we should be able to afford easy to add a section with dancin' space."

"Hot dog!" exclaimed Jake, who for his part was getting on well with young ladies in the area. "That'd be a nice wholesome kinda pastime I could invite girls t'share with me--when I ain't busy managin' the kitchen, of course."

Emmett nodded. "Yeah, an' I'd pull ahead of Joe for good an' all at bein' rejected by women. In my own restaurant, with my own dance floor, an' STILL havin' gals refuse to dance with me one time--yep, that'll be such a crushin' humiliation, squid-boy won't have nothin' to complain 'bout by contrast!"
 
The partisans of exaggerated equal opportunity moved on to declare that men over 300 pounds in weight MUST be allowed to ride as jockeys.
 
Meanwhile, since NONE of the stuff about Emmett and Jake shooting each other had EVER happened, the two brothers were ACTUALLY getting back into the routines of running the steakhouse, which was NOT in Alaska.


Editor's note: So am I getting better at the contradiction part, CF? ;) Songs
 
Saruman, the traitor wizard, had managed to convince Treebeard that "The Rohirrim are just prejudiced against me because I'm _different_ from them;" so the well-meaning Ent leader let him go free. Saruman headed straight for the Shire, where he had plans to introduce plenty of change, and plenty of redistribution of the hobbits' wealth....
 
"Oh my goodness", said the robin to the tree. "Why would wealth need any redistributing? I share what I have after meeting my needs and the needs of my family and friends. And I'm sure you do, too."

"We'd better keep our eye --and prayers -- on Curunír. Now let's have a spot of tea, shall we, with a little splash of Irish Creme in it?" :p
 
Xena and Gabrielle were flying the Defiant from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" when they spotted ahead of them the orbital minefield from "Galaxy Quest." So Xena left Gabrielle at the controls, while she stepped out onto the exterior hull without a spacesuit. Hurling her chakra, she cleared all the mines out of the spaceship's way, then returned inside.

* When the 12-year-old girl playing as the Warrior Princess was told that there is no air in outer space, she made a face and retorted, "Well, there is NOW, because I say there is!" *
 
IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE:

The same evil alien race shown in the movie "Independence Day" had attacked the Earth without anything remotely resembling a provocation, and was killing people by tens of thousands without mercy.

In the nick of time, a brilliant scientist invented a way to sabotage the force-fields that protected the alien ships, making those ships as vulnerable to Earthly weapons as any Earthly airplane would be.

The heroes were about to launch the counterattack that would save mankind and defeat the alien villains...when a certain politician's wife began scolding them: "You're all racists! Homo sapiens chauvinists! You're ONLY against those poor misunderstood aliens because you hate EVERYONE who's different from you!"

The scientist said, "She's right, guys; this whole alien invasion is OUR fault, especially the evil oil corporations. Call off the counterattack." And so the entire human race was destroyed...including the politician's wife, who died astonished that the aliens weren't grateful to her.
 
In yet another alternate universe, the same events occurred but all in a different order and with different protagonists and antagonists and a different catering company for the doughnuts, except they weren't doughnuts this time, they were scones. The setting was pretty much the same except it was completely different and had several new locations shoehorned in and the central character had a variety of moral misgivings invented out of a mid-life crisis but it was still within the bounds of who he was, or at least what some people might have conjectured he was if they didn't really know him very well.

Plus there were three car-chases, a meaningless nude scene, several gratuitous explosions from things that normally do not explode and a grand finale of singing animals all cheering the defeat of those 'bad old people' in cute high-pitched voices.

Essentially, it was a typical book-to-movie 'adaptation' and the critics raved while all the lovers of the original book had much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Of course, the politician's wife still died, but this time it was from a disease contracted from an unwashed telephone after she exiled all the telephone-sterilizers and hairdressers to a desert island with their only resources being four coconuts, a set of huts, an educated man with a propensity for bamboo architecture and a gangly young man in a red shirt with a white hat.

"Gilligan!" hollered one of them. "Where's my coconut pie?"
 
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... she exiled all the telephone-sterilizers and hairdressers to a desert island with their only resources being four coconuts, a set of huts, an educated man with a propensity for bamboo architecture and a gangly young man in a red shirt with a white hat.

"Gilligan!" hollered one of them. "Where's my coconut pie?"

Primsong -- That was hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle!

We now return to our irregularly unscheduled programming.
 
But the version reviewed by Primsong had one _superiority_ over the original "Independence Day" film. Unlike that earlier film, the new movie seen by Primsong did _not_ expect us to believe that the heroine, trapped in a tunnel that was being filled with expanding flames from an explosion, only needed to duck around a corner, and the flames _wouldn't_ expand into the available space to incinerate her.
 
But the version reviewed by Primsong had one _superiority_ over the original "Independence Day" film. Unlike that earlier film, the new movie seen by Primsong did _not_ expect us to believe that the heroine, trapped in a tunnel that was being filled with expanding flames from an explosion, only needed to duck around a corner, and the flames _wouldn't_ expand into the available space to incinerate her.

OOC: Yea! I was watching that the other day and was wondering....


(thirteen-year-old RP OOC:)
OOC: NO! I was watching that before you:p. I said to myself: THEY COPIED MY RP!!:eek: See I invented that technique of getting into an confined space and duck in the little corner. My character actually has the ability to inhale THE BIGGEST breath possible so she actually (with her awesome other feminine qualities) swallowed all the available oxygen so the flames did not go in there. Just to let you know guys.
 
In some place like the Twilight Zone, ten men were standing in a circle. Between the men were ten piles of sand, with each sandpile belonging to the man on whose left side it lay.

A voice from on high boomed, "Redistribute!" Upon hearing this, each and every man in the circle simultaneously bent toward the sandpile on his RIGHT--thus, toward sand that belonged to his neighbor--scooped up a double handful of sand, and tossed it onto his own pile. An instant later, each and every man saw to his disappointment that his pile had not grown any larger despite his taking from his neighbor. So, without need of an order now, each man leaned over the pile on his right again, took more sand, and tossed this on his own pile. Their own piles, of course, had been depleted by the same amount.

Now all ten men went berserk, grabbing and flinging and grabbing and flinging, each trying to steal MORE sand than was being stolen from him. Sand circulated around and around the circle, to no purpose.

All at once, then, one man in the circle stood erect...thought for a minute...and walked fifty yards to the beach, where he could get his own sand.

The others cursed him for not caring about the People's Collective.
 
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