Roleplay By Monologues

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Walden immediately accepted the offer from Sprint, so that they (Walden) could move on to ruining other stories. Their next project was a version of "Little Women," transplanted to modern times, with all four sisters AND their mother skating and brawling on a roller-derby team.
 
So the President of the Kentucky Derby announced that ALL HORSES and all things equestrian are heretofore banned from this RP thread from now on until henceforth to the 90th degree. In their absence, the preferred forms of travel are to include but not be limited to bejeweled scooters, red Ked sneakers powered by jet packs, and the eco-friendly green energy of all those natural gas leases on the Barnett Shale.
 
A bunch of the 13-year-old girls tried going on quests with scooters, but found it too much work; so they ignored the ban on horses, just as they normally ignored anything that didn't feed their narcissism.
 
Meanwhile, several city governments had also adopted the Fairness Doctrine. One of the many effects of this was seen in the area of garbage collection, an activity which was now revealed to have been terribly one-sided. From now on, instead of always taking garbage AWAY from homes, the garbagemen would also sometimes dump garbage ONTO people's front lawns. Rats, crows and raccoons applauded this "CHANGE" as finally respecting THEIR rights.
 
Finally Anastasia showed up, "where have you been?" asked Cinderella. "I need you to sweep and mop the floor, hem my dress, iron my dress, make my breakfast and feed the camel.

"I'm sorry Cinderella," Anastasia attempted to explain that she had been held up by the time vortex outside their house but Cinderella wouldn't let her.

"No time for explanations, just go read that book I gave you."
 
Among Bat-Bat's cool powers was his ability to smell strange posts that starred young pretty females. He flew faster than a speeding regular bat to the post above to watch out for any sign of vampireness. Of course he is out of sight of the characters, but they are not out of his sight.

Before this, he had spent sometime with the cast and the posts of the Bonanza dudes but he quickly realized that they were like him. They could not care less for sexy vampires, good or evil. Besides, after looking at his tiny claws, he thought that maybe it wasn't a good idea to get in a fist fight against Hoss.
 
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But all the while they were being watched by Duct Tape Man who intended to duct tape them all to trees as soon as they turned their backs.
 
"Ghost," the supporting Matrix character, was lurking around the thread looking for something to do; so he introduced himself to Cinderella: "Excuse me, miss, I happen to have heard of you. I'm glad to see you're NOT in slavery anymore; all of us Matrix good guys can identify with that. Did you find your prince? Or did you just post that you rode away on a horse alone, and found your fortune without needin' no stinkin' knight in shining armor to rescue you?"
 
If Duct Tape Man had heard of Bat-Bat's power to make people babble like idiots, he would not have felt so confident. And if he had known the awfully stinging swiftness and wetness of Bat-Bat's spitballs he would have run back to Dufferland in no time.
 
toj walks onto this thread, toj goes..ooh.....um huh...what...MATRIX.. the matrix gave me the heeblijeeblies, i thought my computer was after me...
*hides*
but you see my friends that was before the time of the ductapeman
 
Meanwhile, another 13-year-old girl who has barely gotten accepted on TDL takes one look at only the latest page of this roleplay thread, and immediately posts the following:

"Okay, everybody, forget all that Matrix and duct-tape stuff. The STAR of the roleplay is here now, meaning ME! And I'm going to bring something NEW AND ORIGINAL to this game: I'm going to be a PRINCESS, who goes riding her HORSE on a lonely QUEST which no one else understands!"
 
Upon hearing this new thirteen-year-old girl speak, Bat-Bat nearly died laughing. The only thing that prevented it was who Emmett appeared riding the horse with no name and offered him a ride.
 
The self-centered spoiled brat who posted just before TOJ, now sees TOJ's new post...breaks into tears...and quits TDL in a tantrum, never to be seen here again.

TOJ receives the cheers and congratulations of Bat-Bat, Faramir, Eowyn, Trinity, Copperfox himself, and numerous other Monologues characters.

The rider on the Horse With No Name explains to Bat-Bat, "I'm not actually Emmett; I'm Scott Glenn, who played him in the movie. Emmett and Jake right now are committed to a semi-serious adventure in the Alice-in-Wonderland thread."
 
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I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, and it's time to start the Thanksgiving holiday preparation checklist. Where did we stash the linen tablecloths after Easter?
 
Copperfox walks up to Songs carrying some sort of big bundle. "Here you go, twelve nice tablecloths from my vegetarian restaurant. They're red, and a really fanatical vegan customer made a big fuss about eating off of anything the color of raw meat. So now I'll be using all green tablecloths at The Octopus Garden."
 
A large Italian man with a florid face and twirling handlebar moustache waltzed into the role-play. He hadn't bothered to read any of the recent postings so all he knew was there was some kind of restaurant involved, octopi and a garden.

"I am Luigi!" he declared in a lilting slightly-false Italian accent. "And I will be your new cook in your new restaurant! Octopi is my specialty, I cook it fried, sauteed, roasted, shish-ke-babbed! Mmm-wha!"
 
After his vacation in Dufferland Duct Tape Man returns with his sidekick Green Duck Tape Girl. Finding no one to duct(k) tape to trees they decide to sit down at the Mad Tea Party and begin pondering why a Raven is like a Writing Desk.
 
Joe smoothly tells Luigi, "I'll take you right to where your specialty can be put to work!" He then drives the Italian gentleman directly to the Gunslinger Steakhouse, explaining as he goes: "This place is one of the estabishments in the local restaurant association founded by myself and Emmett of Silverado. Kind of like the Kentucky Fried Chicken-Taco Bell-Pizza Hut combination. The clientele here has been interested in enlarging the seafood options."

Luigi soon has his job at a NON-vegetarian restaurant. Meanwhile, a slightly anxious Trinity asks Joe what became of Emmett and Jake. Joe explains that the heroic brothers are committed to a roleplay storyline which might actually have a COHERENT PLOT (obviously, not on THIS thread)--and Joe's literary conscience won't let him disrupt that.
 
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