Roleplay By Monologues

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Meanwhile, the Fairness Doctrine of the Change Party spreads to an international airport. The control tower management comes to realize how narrowminded and intolerant it is always to give incoming pilots nothing but _accurate_ information on subjects like wind speed, visibility, and the locations of other aircraft. In the name of tolerance and open-mindedness, the air traffic controllers are instructed to make exactly half of all their transmissions _untruthful,_ without telling fliers when they are or aren't telling the truth.

Soon crashes are happening all over the place. Trial lawyers, most of whom support the Change Party, are in ecstasy at this, anticipating huge wrongful-death lawsuit fees.
 
In the future universe of "Babylon Five," at a time not long after the advanced Minbari race had stopped short of annihilating the whole human race, the Minbari Grey Council is holding a meeting.

"What came over us?" one Minbari leader says. "We went to war against a race whose technology was a century behind ours, then patted ourselves on the back for enjoying easy victories over an adversary who was at an unfair disadvantage. And we DIDN'T do it because that other race was repressing its own people, violating treaties and supporting terrorist organizations; we did it entirely because of ONE isolated incident, to which we reacted emotionally without waiting to investigate the reasons for the incident. In short, we behaved like idiots. How can we make amends for this?"

Another Minbari said, "I've got it: let's all spend two or three television seasons telling each other in solemn tones that HUMANS are intolerant and unreasonable!"

The motion is passed.
 
Back at the restaurant, Luigi soon found himself up to his elbows in pasta, steaks and seafood.

Singing Italian arias in a loud voice, he cheerfully served up platter after platter to the ongoing stream of odd customers though after a while he did begin to wonder if this town had anyone older than thirteen who was not employed as a pirate, cowboy, scuba diver, hedgehog or superhero.
 
Right then, the parson walked into the steakhouse, accompanied by a bricklayer, a dentist, a hotel clerk, a plumber and a veterinarian. They all decided to try the new octopus items on the menu.
 
Upon request from the bricklayer, Luigi happily switched to show tunes and sang, again in a loud voice, "I am I, Don Quixote, the Luigi of LaMancha, my destiny calls and I go. And the wild winds of fortune will carry me onward, oh whithersoever they blow!"

Then turning the channel, Alice came upon a program called "Every Woman's Journey", and no, it was not on the Lifetime Channel.
 
Fifty or sixty of the most diehard 13-year-old girls, who were still trying to make the roleplay be all about them riding horses on solo quests that no one who was male or adult could understand, tried to contact the producers of "Every Woman's Journey" to demand that they be made the star of the show. When none of them received a response within 24 hours, they all started pouting and sulking...which at least gave their horses a rest.
 
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All the time he hadn't been getting much attention on this thread, Faramir had still been at work decontaminating the Morgul Vale. When he felt ready, he opened a tourist hotel within sight of the demolished Black Gate. To run it, he hired Basil Fawlty.
 
The western Mountains of Shadow gave much opportunity for the persistently annoying 13 year old equestriennes to go on solo adventures. To thwart their efforts, and provide Light in their shadows, Basil Fawlty wielded a frying pan against Luigi's head, saying: "You must go and divert the Clan of the Sixty Thirteens, and head them in a North-southerly direction, fah fah away from he-ah. Now, away with you!"
 
Luigi proved to be immensely helpful in reducing the overcrowding of narcissistic 13-year-old girls. He set up a travelling lunch van, in which he offered such delicious and delicious-SMELLING foods, that the 13-year-old girls all began realizing that you can't get much eating done while riding a horse at full gallop, even if you ARE fantasizing having a horse that can gallop nonstop for twenty hours at a stretch. Then Luigi charged them such high prices for his exquisite meals, that their allowance got used up and they began thinking about getting jobs that would pay better than lonely secret quests.
 
Luigi brushed off his hands with satisfaction of a job well done.
[exits, stage left, singing]
"I've a travelling van, fed a lot of girls,
all over the vale.
And at every stop, I played a part
of Luigi's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

As luck would have it, the 13 year olds got called back to the principal's office, where they were told there would be no more wandering in this vale or that vale, in this vale or that vale, regardless of whether or not they had ever seen a Scottish lassie.

Onward, Christian Soldiers!
 
Promoters of the Change Party's Fairness Doctrine took notice of SongsofLife referring to Arthur Sullivan's famous hymn, and of course were furious. They decided to take Mr. Sullivan to court and force him to write verses for Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Wiccans, Taoists and Shintoists--naturally, without EVER conceiving any idea that Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Taoists and Shintoists should be forced to include anything Christian in THEIR songs.

When they found out that Arthur Sullivan could not be sued because he had passed away about a century ago, the Fairness Doctrine advocates were outraged at him for being so bigoted and intolerant as to die and go ONLY to the Christian Heaven.
 
A nephew of Arthur Sullivan, Bob Hope came on stage and boldly began to sing in the face of opposition:

"Onward, Christian teen-aged girls, riding as to war,
with the cross of Jesus going on before.
Aslan, royal Master, leads against the foe;
forward into battle see his banners go!

Refrain:
Onward, Christian teen-aged girls, riding as to war,
with the cross of Jesus going on before.

At the sign of triumph Satan's host doth flee;
Luigi’s fancy lunch-van, forward goes in glee.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
sisters, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
(Refrain)

For an encore, he continued:

We shall overcome,
We shall overcome,
We shall overcome, some day.

Oh, deep in my heart,
I do believe
We shall overcome, some day.

The louder the members of The Change Party [editors' note -- I JUST got that, the Change party!!!] protested, the louder Bob Hope sang, joined by the voices of the 87 13-year olds, the members of the Minbari Grey Council, Mr. Fawlty, Don Quixote and Sancho, Tinkerbell, Ush-re Imbaugh-Le, the lady who sang "I'd Like to Teach The World to Sing" and the writer of "Let There Be Peace on Earth." The sheer volume of those voices was enough to cause an earthquake measuring 2.2 in north central Texas just days before the election.

And this is why, dears, the Lifetime Channel scheduled an emergency airing of the latest encyclical by Pope Benedict XVI.
 
Copperfox was so invigorated by this turn of events that he temporarily turned into the superhero identity he had imagined for himself in daydreaming moments of real life: The Grey Eagle. In this guise, he rocketed at super-speed throughout the thread, undoing damage done by the lying Fairness Doctrine...halting the few vampire-game conspiracies Bat-Bat had not already thwarted...throwing pies in the faces of evil revisionist movie executives...finding investors for new Octopus Garden locations...and making sure that SongsofLife understood that it was Inkspot who came up with "Change Party."
 
Before giving up his briefly-enjoyed super-powers, Joe saw a welcome sight below him: Emmett and Jake, looking as if they were recovering from a terrible chill but otherwise evidently intact, returning to the Gunslinger Steakhouse. Coming in for a landing and relinquishing his Grey Eagle powers, Joe entered just in time to see Trinity give a big wet kiss to each of the brothers in turn. "Just friendly," she remarked to Joe when she saw him looking on.

"So how'd your adventure turn out?" Joe asked his returned friends.

"Had to kill a passel of enemies," Jake said solemnly. "No feelin' of honor in it, it was just them or us."

"I hoped for awhile that I might have a chance to score my first conversion, just like the parson," sighed Emmett. "But someone decided that wasn't s'posed to happen after all."

Suddenly realizing that the gunslingers' horses were missing, and guessing that Emmett and Jake were just too weary and subdued to think of that, Joe changed back into The Grey Eagle just long enough to fly into Wonderland, find the horses wandering around, and bring them back with him. This cheered up Emmett and Jake.
 
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Inspired by the Grey Eagle's invigoration, Bob Hope invites Brooke Shields to join him on stage.

(They sing together)

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

(Bob & Brooke invite all within earshot to join in singing)

America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.


(High pitched, discordant sound bleeps in, interrupting the show)

Announcer: And now, breaking good news:
Jesus Christ says: "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.
He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes 3 so that it bears more fruit.
You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.
Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.
I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.
Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither; people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.
As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love.
"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you."


Now back to the show.


Jenny turned the page and, before starting a new chapter, sang softly to the night sky: "I'll be looking at the moon, But I'll be seeing you."
 
A rumor had been spread weeks before about Brooke Shields being a secret member of TDL. Certain reporter had been inquiring about this in Dufferland and he apparently stepped on some toes. One day the reporter was found in a desolate park, hogtied with duct tape and mumbling: "Gondorgirl Eats! Gondorgirl Eats!." People still thought he was referring to a new Eatery started as a competition to the Octopus Garden.

The reporter was so incoherent that he was useless in providing any valuable information about what had happened to him. Upon further investigation, the police's only clue was some guy named Barbarian....Ring.... Thing.... something, who was thought to have had a life-long crush on Ms. Shields. However the police were never able to confirm anything and of course they never found any suspects or other clues and the case is now cold.

What made this case even more baffling was the fact that upon releasing the poor reporter from his binds, he immediately ran back to Dufferland, where he is still lost in the threads.

The rumor is that only Bat-Bat knows the reporter whereabouts now as he is secretly watching the poor dude. But Bat-Bat ain't talking.
 
Unnerved by having both Bat-Bat and The Grey Eagle watching out for their schemes, the vote-stealing fanatics of the Change Party decided to _change_ their tactics a little. Instead of the Fairness Doctrine which affected communications, they went to work in workplaces, taking equal opportunity interpretations beyond all bounds of reason. They began by bringing discrimination lawsuits to force NFL teams to hire blind players.
 
blah blah blacksheep
have you any bull
yes mir yes mir
three rags fulls
one for the specter
one for the Mod...rators
and one for little Toj who lives down the rain

:D
 
"But why stop with blind players?" the Change Party candidate asked. "People with no arms can be hired as wide receivers. I mean, why should only people with arms be wide receivers? And make sure that the opposing team be nice in their tackles too."
 
An emergency meeting was held at the headquarters of the Octopus Garden Restaurants, Ltd. to discuss the rumors concerning possible competition from the Gunslinger Steakhouse and Gondorgirl Eats. It was decided that Luigi should approach Gondorgirl and Mrs. Gunslinger about the possibility of a) a friendly merger or, b) a food fight.

Because it was a day for meetings, the members of the Change Party also met to concern themselves with the implied threat from their opponent, Chuck Norris and his Gunslinger for President campaign. It was decided to disarm Mr. Norris so he would be ineligible to run under the Gunslinger banner.
 
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