Roleplay By Monologues

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When at last one pedestrian did get in the way of the reckless drivers, it was Fat Albert from Bill Cosby stories. Both Speed Racer's car and the Dukes' car squashed into him and were halted, at some very slight discomfort to Fat Albert. Bat-Bat then placed the three troublemakers under arrest--that is, the two Duke boys and Speed Racer; Fat Albert was the hero of the day.

And _because_ Fat Albert was the hero, Walden Media immediately began making plans to shoot a movie that would make him look bad.
 
Two thirteen-year old girls immediately leaped from their cows...er, horses, and took control of the Mach 5 and the General Lee and immediately drove them into a brick planter and a fountain, respectively, being only thirteen and without driving experience.

"Hey hey hey!" Fat Albert protested. "It's faaaaaaaat Albert, and I'm gonna sit on you if you do that again!"
 
Meanwhile, the evil American military men who were in league with the evil space aliens in "The X-Files" went to take over the genetics laboratory on Jurassic Park Island. There they set out to try to recreate evil life forms even MORE ancient than the dinosaurs. When they finally succeeded, there stood before them exact evil copies of....Mick Jagger and Shirley MacLaine! Clone-Jagger began singing "Sympathy For The Devil," while Clone-MacLaine began shouting "I am God! I am God! I am God!"

The sight was so horrible that even the Spinosaurus ran away in fright. But just then, Gondorgirl came parachuting onto the island, and saved the world by eating the Mick Jagger and Shirley MacLaine duplicates. Afterward, she starred in a movie about her own exploit, called "A Snack of the Clones."
 
Because this thread is MEANT to be full of contradictions, a sports fan logs in and posts the following:

I say the Phillies DIDN'T win the World Series! I say that the Green Bay Packers won the World Series! And don't tell me that a football team can't win a baseball championship--this is MY post, and I'll say what I want to!!
 
OOC: Orange, go ahead and punish the Green Bay Packers all you like; I was born in the Chicago area, so if I take any notice of football teams I have to prefer the Bears above the Packers! :)

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Copperfox realized that he needed to get out more if he was going to rack up some new rejections by women to keep up with Emmett. So he decided that HE would try his hand at riding off on a quest, like all those airheaded 13-year-old girls.

But the problems began immediately. Unlike all those 13-year-old girls, Copperfox did not choose to claim in posts that he was infallible and invincible. Therefore, although he was quite capable of riding a horse in real life, he didn't get the cinch of his saddle tight enough, so he fell off his horse before he had covered 100 yards. He did take at least a little comfort from the fact that he had _not_ mounted backwards, Dudley Do-Right style, in the first place.

But the ten-minute-long (including the unsuccessful saddling) quest was not altogether in vain. As Copperfox lay in the dirt checking himself for fractures, three beautiful women came by and laughed in his face. "Okay, I _will_ count that as three rejections!" he told himself.
 
But the Mule Brigade members were even more dejected than Copperfox and Emmet because the thirteen-year-old girls on quests had not picked a single member of the brigade just because they were only "brevet horses."
 
"That's WARRANT horses!" insisted Colonel Beauregard T. Beauregard, whose middle initial stood for Beauregard. But he took the subject no further, because he became engaged in a conversation with Johnny Yuma, the Confederate-veteran character who had been played by Nick Adams in the old TV Western "The Rebel."
 
Xena and Gabrielle were flying their World War One biplane, on their way to Saskatchewan to take part in the Battle of Gettysburg, when they saw the Titanic sinking in Lake Michigan. Landing hastily, they rescued the Moroccan geisha girls who were in danger of drowning. Then they got back into their Blackhawk helicopter, and continued on their way to help the Comanche tribe fight against a Roman legion at Stalingrad, which was located in Brazil.
 
The previous post was actually written by one of our now beloved thirteen-year-old role players who was playing Xena. She had gotten tired of riding a horse because all the other role players kept making up a horse that was faster than hers. No matter how fast her horse went, the others were faster in the next post, so much so that the whole RP thread had horses running all over the place at the speed of light.
 
The only thing that stopped this one-upgirlship was that many of the girls' horses, running faster than light, ended up circling the world and colliding with themselves at their starting point, which was really embarrassing.
 
Just then BarbarianKing thought of posting and ooc and said:

OOC: I have laughed so hard with this thread that I have fallen off my chair more than once and my family thinks I'm crazy!!

In the next post however, he was upped by one of girl role player:

OOC: No. I have laughed harder! :D:D:D:D. In fact, I have laughed so hard that my chair fell off! Ha! It fell off the world entirely! Even my computer was falling but I caught it just in time. I laughed harder than you that a new center of gravity was created right around my computer desk and everything is falling now!
And MY family thinks I'm so crazy that they institutionalized me. I am writing this from the REAL insane asylum.
 
This girl fell into the hands of a lady psychiatrist who didn't know how to do ANYTHING but say, "Love yourself! Love yourself!" Since this 13-year-old already WAS madly in love with herself to the exclusion of anyone else, the doctor pronounced her cured after two sessions, and ordered her to be released.
 
Meanwhile, a major bank was infected by the Fairness Doctrine. In conformity with this doctrine, for every true and accurate bank statement they gave to a customer, they had to issue another one in which the numbers were just blindly made up.
 
Meanwhile, back at the Bonanza on the shores of Lake Gitcheegoomeee, the Cartwrights were celebrating the birth of Marie Osmond nearly one month after the show’s premiere. Like Marie’s and SongsofLife’s musical careers, Bonanza was not an immediate winner in the ratings. Having never streaked through a Roleplay by Monologues in his life, Ben mused, “What is a Blakhawk helicopter? Does it come from Kitty Hawk, No. Dakota?”
 
Finally someone explained to Ben Cartwright that a helicopter was a little bit like the Battlestar Galactica, apart from being confined to flight in atmosphere.
 
But Hoss didn't like that and he was looking for this "Balactica" person to fist fight him.
 
But Walden Media was already planning a new version of the "Bonanza" series. Ben Cartwright would be a darkly sexy young man, no older than 27; and instead of sons Adam, Hoss and Little Joe, he would have three teenage nieces who all resembled Britney Spears in cowboy boots. The closest thing to Hoss in the regular cast would be a spunky dwarf ranch-hand, played by the actor who had played Mini-Me in the "Austin Powers" films.
 
In stepped the new CEO of Sprint who said, "Mini-Me used to work for Sprint. So we want to be the sponsor of the once-and-future Bonanza series. We will pay Walden Pond Media $4.50 for the rights, and in exchange we demand that the three teenage nieces, Winken, Blinken and Nod, be played by the grand-daughters of three women who starred in Petticoat Junction."
 
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