Roleplay By Monologues

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Meanwhile, Ghost finally decided he should inform the police about those men who had bought illegal drugs--not because he was outraged at the men, but because having their fathers arrested JUST MIGHT jolt the 13-year-old daughters into caring about something BESIDES imagining themselves as princesses riding horses on solo quests which no dorky adult was fit to understand.
 
The crooked politician was not giving up on his beloved "Fairness Doctrine." Coming to a medical school, and having an "in" with the faculty, he was allowed to give a lecture to the medical students. He told them that "equal time" and "tolerance" meant that, for every time that they gave a patient a truthful diagnosis which could save the patient's life, they MUST give the next patient an INTENTIONALLY FALSE diagnosis which could result in that patient's death.
 
Emmett found Copperfox passing some time at the Insane Asylum. The following conversation ensued:


Emmett to Joe: So how come you reckon so many folks on a web community DO indulge in protracted fantasizing of themselves having romantic affairs with celebrities or fictional characters?

Joe to Emmett: I don't think any one explanation covers all of them. But there are some who, in their lives up to now, have never yet once enjoyed the love of man and woman as God meant it to be; so it's hard to fault them for using fantasy to guess at how it COULD be. As for me, I've had that love in reality, twice...and had it taken away by death, twice. I want to have it again, if God will permit me; but play-acting at having it is mighty thin soup for me. Now, if some woman and I were falling in love in reality, some kind of roleplaying between her and me could be seasoning on the steak--but only because a REAL relationship was underlying the fun. Something similar also applies to relationships OTHER than romantic ones. Once I thought I could have a good time playing at being the brother of a girl with whom I thought I was friends; but she wiped her feet on that brother-sister bond after acting for a little while as if she honestly enjoyed it.

Emmett to Joe: Now, pardner, don't get riled retroactively. As I understand, the young lady you have in mind eventually offered a right nice apology to you, after her fashion.

Joe to Emmett: You're right, she did; still, apart from the freewheeling style you and I go in for, I've about given up on roleplaying threads. ESPECIALLY as an outlet for my real-life romantic desires.

Emmett to Joe: How long you reckon you'll go on trying to find love, then? I mean in real life?

Joe to Emmett: If God lets me have my health back, AND if the United States doesn't fall under a dictatorship that's a warmup to the Antichrist regime, I plan to keep on looking--as the joke puts it--for as long as I can remember why I'm doing it.

Emmett to Joe: You gettin' into this end-of-the-world mood just 'cause you ain't got no filly of your own?

Joe to Emmett: No. It's because I know that the end times entail people willingly allowing themselves to be deceived; and these days, I see plenty of Americans who are ready to let faith, finances, freedom and family be stolen right out from under them, as long as the thief smiles and chants the word "Change!"
 
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the cows formed a Bovine Union to protest horses always being the vehicle of choice for 13-year-old deluded girls and all the streets were clogged with stampeding cattle bearing picket signs and chanting a variety of bovine slogans all of which sounded very much like "Mooo."
 
Some 13-year-old TEXAN girls offered to ride some of the cattle, and took them on a one-way trip to a big outdoor barbecue outside San Antonio.
 
"Mooooo," agreed the cows who represented the other cows. The herd moved on towards San Antonio as the newspapers screamed headlines, "Cows Gain Equal Rights With Horses" "Horses Strangely Silent in their Protests" and "Major Shortage of Barbeque Sauce Predicted!"

Along the way the slow-moving cattle-drive ambled past a freeway overpass where a scraggly-looking pirate stood with his cardboard sign asking for rum-money. "Hey!" he protested as one of the cows took a large bite out of the sign. "Just who do you think you are? I am a Captain, so I outrank you!"

"Moooo," it replied sedately, meaning "I am a cow. Why are you talking to me?"
 
Just then, a 15-year-old boy joins this roleplay for the first time ever. This is what he first posts:


Forget about Emmett, Jake, Trinity, Bat-Bat, Super-Duper-Man, Mel Gibson, Captain Hummingbird, Captain Hook, Tiger Lily, Faramir, Eowyn, and ALL other characters! This roleplay is now about ME, and only me! I am the first of the Teenage Mutant Ninja CROCODILES!!
 
All of the other characters considered the boy for perhaps 10 seconds before one of the pirates asked "Who's for some crocodile-skin boots?"

There was a hearty chorus of 'yeas' from the assembled, except for Hook who had already beat a hasty retreat over the horizon at the word 'crocodile'.
 
* The boy goes into such a tantrum over not being allowed to run the whole RP his way, that he starts posting obscene insults on the forum, and gets himself banned in record time. *
 
One of the girls, who hadn't been paying any attention and didn't want to be bothered with going back and figuring it out wandered through.

"Where did that boy go, the one who wanted to be a crocodile or something? Why are his posts missing? Why is he banned? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why is everyone glaring at me now? Why can't I copy and paste all of his deleted posts? Why can't I carry on at great length in assorted forums spamming with cries of how unfair it was that he got banned and accusing everyone of being anti-crocodile?"

"Mooo," said one of the cows. It was answer enough.
 
Mal and Zoe had done most of the flying of the "Serenity" since Wash got killed. They tried never to be alone in the cockpit together for very long at a time, since now that Zoe was honorably widowed they didn't want the others assuming that their friendship was automatically going to heat up.

River, meanwhile, was forlornly trying to find a man who was tough enough that Joss Whedon WOULDN'T insist on making him look like a weenie next to River. Superman seemed like a good prospect, but he was already spoken for.
 
Primsong said:
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the cows formed a Bovine Union to protest horses always being the vehicle of choice for 13-year-old deluded girls and all the streets were clogged with stampeding cattle bearing picket signs and chanting a variety of bovine slogans all of which sounded very much like "Mooo."
Click to expand...

At the same ranch, all the mules who had charged at the Georgia troops of Wade Hampton in Chattanooga were still celebrating their victory with a good hot mash. But some of them were angry that they have not been formally and officially given their full rank of "horse." Brevet Horse just didn't quite do it for many
 
A compromise was finally reached: the mules would be known as Warrant Horses. Even the Confederate veteran, Colonel Beauregard T. Beauregard (whose middle initial stood for Beauregard), thought it was a good solution; at what was left of his antebellum plantation, he took to calling the scrawny chickens Warrant Turkeys, and the ducks Warrant Geese.

But when mentioning these ducks, he had to keep telling book lovers that he was not talking about "War and Peace."
 
And Bat-Bat wanted nothing to do with Vampires, Full, Warrant, Brevet or anything else! And he was so tempted to join the cast of Firefly to see if Josh Whedon dared to making if less than what he really was. In fact, Bat-Bat wanted Josh to try it so that Bat-Bat could teach Josh a lesson he would never forget.
 
Bat-Bat, however, was unprepared for what Joss Whedon DID try. Since in Whedon's mind, except for a couple of human-souled vampires, NO ONE WHO WAS MALE (on the side of good) could be allowed to have extraordinary powers....he wrote a treatment for a series in which (like Battlestar Galactica's Starbuck) Bat-Bat would be changed into a winged WOMAN, though not a vampire.
 
Meanwhile, the promoter of the Fairness Doctrine approached Walden Media about applying "fairness" to the existing library of old Shirley Temple films. It was obviously one-sided for the child characters Ms. Temple had played always to be cute, appealing and good-natured. Therefore, now that CGI technology was far enough advanced, the politician wanted Walden Media to create alternate versions of all Shirley Temple movies, in which the Shirley Temple characters would be selfish, disobedient brats.

The Walden Media suits, however, pointed out to the politician that almost ALL modern entertainment PREFERRED to portray children as selfish, disobedient brats--with this being seen as a good thing. Thus, revising Shirley in the suggested way would only mean another generation APPROVING of her.

So they all turned their minds to a different revisionist project.
 
The barnyard began regular showings of old Shirley Temple movies on the side of the buildings which were well received in spite of the way there kept being disconcerting nails, hay-hoists and windows with inquisitive cows heads in the middle of the pictures.

The Cows Union vote for "The Good Ship Lollipop" being their official theme song passed unanimously, all votes being "mooo." Shirley herself was dubbed a Warrant Cow in honor of her great contributions to Good Kid Role-Models, it being well known that all Good Kids drink milk.

The Warrant Ducks, er, that is Geese, promptly began picketing in protest that they had not been elevated to the status of Horse also, with one dissenter chanting for 'crocodile' instead.
 
A certain pig saw this as his great opportunity. Leading in a flock of sheep whom he had previously instructed, he started them chanting, "Four legs good, two legs BA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AD!"
 
Copperfox, meanwhile, was recounting to Emmett one of his teenage experiences:

"A girl I was really attracted to, named Katrina, had this cat. One time in November, I came to visit her house around sunset--just in time to be told that Katrina's idiot cat had climbed up this sixty-foot tree near the house, and wouldn't come down. So, in the dark, in freezing wind, I climbed that tree and found the cat. I had to force the stupid animal down by stages: prying it loose from its grip, moving it downward and letting it catch hold of the tree again, then moving lower myself, then forcing the cat farther down, over and over, until I could get to the ground with it. My reward was to have Katrina lavishing love and affection...on the cat, and ONLY the cat. She barely even acknowledged my existence."
 
Suddenly, Speed Racer and the Dukes of Hazzard roared past, engaged in an impromptu drag-race. Fortunately, the movie rules of physics were in effect, so that none of the completely unwarned pedestrians in their way actually got struck by the race cars.
 
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