Roleplay By Monologues

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Lady of Narnia said:
To answer Bat-bat's question about the purple ducks, Lonny says, "No, sir, that has nothing to do with it. We just cloned Dmitri the duck, so all of the purple ducks are clones of Dmitri."
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"Sadly, no," said Smerdyakov with a sad beak. "The cloning of Dmitri happened before, but they all turned out pink, and some even red, others blue. So yes, the "Change" party hacks said they would apply the "fairness doctrine" and said it wasn't fair that only I was purple, so they came and painted all the other ducks purple too."
 
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Whether by mischance or by the deliberate collusion of someone at the Henson Studios, Miss Piggy is able to get to a computer, where she logs into TDL and writes her own self-serving version of recent events:


Lies, lies, lies!! They're lying about me, and that stupid Kermy isn't doing _anything_ to help me! It was that horrible male chauvinist human _Emmett_ who tried to run ME over with that monster truck! All that stuff about the truck having been registered in my name is just more masculine linear thinking! Emmett's just a sore loser because of all the times my superior girl power has beaten the stuffing out of him! It's all a PLOT to keep a glass ceiling over women!
 
Meanwhile, back in the England of the Napoleonic Wars era, the search for the invisible Jane Bennet still continues. Now, even characters from other _authors_ are lending their assistance, including several characters from the early works of Lord Byron and Aleksandr Pushkin. But the basic dilemma remains unchanged: Jane refuses to let herself be moved anywhere, interacted with, or affected in any way whatosever, by anything not written or posted by herself--yet at the same time she refuses TO post anything herself. Consequently, there _cannot_ be any story of the Bennet family with five daughters; and the lovestruck Charles Bingley can't bear to have it be a story of the Bennet family with only _four_ daughters.

Suddenly, Colonel Brandon comes running up to Mr. Bingley, waving a small sheet of perfumed stationery. "Bingley, old chap, look here! I found this inside an unmarked envelope in a hollow log behind a rock under a large bush behind a still bigger bush between two buildings across the road! I'm sure that the writing is in Miss Jane's hand! Read it!"

Mr. Bingley excitedly accepts the note. It does look like the writing of a gracious lady, though brief in contents. It simply says, "I love you, Mr. Bingley. Jane."

Bingley looks around and cries out, "Miss Jane! Where _are_ you? Won't you please _show_ yourself?" Crickets are heard chirping in the answering silence. Bingley is forced to wonder: what was the point of Jane writing this profession of love--when not only is she still refusing to get back to _existing_ in the roleplay, but she stashed her message of alleged love in a place where it could only even come to his attention by luck? Not the most convincing claim of love ever heard.

Thrusting the paradoxical note into a vest pocket, Bingley decides he had better change the bandages on his gashed right leg. After that, perhaps he will see if _another_ oh-so-sovereign-and-independent-and-superior person can be found who _will_ consent to do what the _current_ oh-so-sovereign-and-independent-and-superior person (though having plenty of time to disuss horror stories) refuses to bother doing: say that Miss Jane becomes visible and touchable again.
 
Completely ignoring the long, long posts that came before, seeing as her reading level was somewhere between "likes advertising as long as it has animated animals" and "able to understand slogans on t-shirts", the girl on the raft bounced along over the perfectly teal and silver waves, singing a pop-rock tune as she went.

The sea-gulls followed in a great flock overhead out of the mistaken notion she was going to be fishing and were happy to oblige Sparkly the Dolphin who continued to implore them to poop on her. Of course her magical See-Thru Teflon Bubble of Magicalness (tm) repelled the repellent bird bombs and her lovely perfect tresses continued to wave freely in the Bahaman winds.

"Oh look, Sparkly!" she piped in her little voice, "Land!"
 
Meanwhile, Bat-Bat resumed his study of brochures about vacations to the Bahamas. He had a globe on his desk with a pin stuck at the spot where the Bahamas was and was checking the exact coordinates just for the heck of it. Because sometimes he did things just for the heck of it, people began to call him the "Bat-Outta-Heck."
 
The Wonderland Skua-Bird, who had shared in his mistress' good fortune of coming to truth, dropped by to remind Bat-Bat that he would be wanted as one of Emmett's groomsmen for the wedding to Queenie; "so keep in touch."

Even a post this short was off-putting to the insufferably pretentious girl on the raft--mainly because it strongly suggested that (yuck!) MALE characters might be worth something.
 
Queenie was able to give Emmett some answers.

" Yes, I would love to do communion during the ceremony. It is a whole new experience which I would love to do"

When Emmett and his bride_to_be stepped outside the theater they were surrounded by reporters.

" Emmett! Is it true you and Queenie are secretly married?"
" Queenie!! Is it true you are going to make a reality show about your life with Emmett?"
" Queenie!! Queenie! Is it true you found Emmett on the internet?"

Neither Queenie or Emmett were answering these silly questions. They continued their way back to the Steakhouse.
The little Skua was ready to bring a message back to Wonderland.

Skua: The hockey couple are ready to come over here as soon as the wedding date is set
 
The walk was long enough and rambling enough that the lovers could "try on for size" various manners of walking together: hand in hand, arm in arm, arms _around_ each other, each of these alternately with Queenie on the left or with her on the right...and of course, periodically _ceasing_ to walk ahead, in favor of coming together front to front and mouth to mouth.

"This just keeps gettin' better, gal," Emmett whispered in Queenie's ear at their last such pause before arriving at the steakhouse. "Sort of the exact opposite of the Law of Diminishin' Returns."
 
OOC: I've been gone for two days and now I'm lost. I don't want to actually read any posts on here so I'll just act like I'm mad at everyone for posting while I was gone and resume my RP by posting about something completely unrelated to the current posts. In fact, I'll forget which RPG I'm even on and just throw some random plot from another RPG from 2 yrs ago into here and expect everyone to follow along.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that their best laid plans had been thwarted by Dr. Bond, Dr. Banner, and Dr. Who, the evil Uses used the remote control for the phone booth that they previously did not have in the plot but somehow found while other plots were going on and decided to play their trump card and summon an even worser team of bogus dudes.

The phone booth flashed and a very dramatic smoke hung over the area like the tired cliche that it was. Looking through the smoke that was a thick as clam chowder, the remaining heroes who have not been accounted for in this RP so far were filled with a sudden sense of fear and dread and began to quiver like Bill Cosby's jello jigglers. These were no ordinary villains, but rather they were Super Villains 2 (or II, or The Sequel, or Returns, or however hollywood has come about saying this is the next part)

The first was Ghetto Gangsta George, the multi-billion-platinum selling rap artist who's song "I'm a Gangsta from da Ghetto" (despite the fact that he was from a nice middle-class family) had caused approximately 15 quintillion tons of noise pollution. He used his special mind control powers that he gained from his magic metal molars to cause people to like his music and play it at 73,234,843 decibels. His followers also dressed like him and showed their independence from society by wearing his clothing line that they bought at the Abracadabra and Flush store in a suburban mall.

After him came a stench so awful, so unreal, that it could have only come from one being so terrible that it caused the very foundation to quake like some place that is having an earthquake. Yes, indeed it was a lawyer from the Anti-Christian Liberals Union. The vile creature produced a court order demanding that Drs. Bond, Banner, and Who cease and desist all aggression towards the Evil Uses and all persons summoned by the Evil Uses, because a loose interpretation of the Constitution made by some judges who were drinking buddies with some guy who had enough money from the oil company lobbyists to stay in office for yet another term, who recently voted that all persons earning money should give it to those who are not earning money so that millions of people would vote for him so that they would not have to go back to work decided that being an Evil Us and wanting to conquer the world was certainly within the rights granted by the Constitution.

....and the worst was still yet to come :eek::eek::eek:
 
Sparkly the purple rhinestone-bedecked dolphin was a longsuffering soul but the thought of the strangely perfect girl scudding across the waters behind him making landfall and continuing her quest with some *other* steed was just too much for him.

He dove beneath the waters, dragging the raft with him.

"Oh! oh! oh!" the girl cried as nothing remained of her transportation but a row of perfect silvery bubbles. She pulled the string on her hitherto hidden instant inflatable giant floating daisy-shaped emergency life-saver (HHIIGFDSELS)(tm) and carefully arranged herself in the pristine waters to project the maximum level of helplessness, though she truly regretted losing her Teflon Bubble.

"Help! Help! Oh, somebody help me!" she cried in her voice like little silver bells.

The seagulls smiled and obligingly bombed her with their own contributions to the situation.
 
Five or six of the OTHER self-worshipping teenage girls--horseback solo-questing Amazon princess types--were just noticing what a really witty post Knight of Narnia had entered. Furiously outraged that a contemptible MALE was showing creativity when THEY had never shown any, they all angrily chanted "Girl power! Girl power! Girl power!" until they both lost their voices (as the characters) and suffered aching keyboard fingers (as themselves).
 
..... as more smoke cleared and even more dramatic theme music and lighting effects ensued...

thousands of shrill, angry, female voices cried out in unison.... "woman in the white house, woman in the white house" (although they didn't quite know what type of woman they wanted) and suddenly a great glass ceiling appeared in front of the phone booth... only to be shattered into millions of tiny shards by the most powerful woman in the world...... Billary Rentgone ....

"First I broke the glass ceiling for women everywhere, now I will break this world!" she declared with eyes blazing red and flames shooting from her mouth and nostrils

She even brought her supporting cast with her.... daytime talk-show hosts, cable news anchors, and celebrities whose multi-trillion dollar California estates were considered to be of "no taxable value".



.....together they made up history's most terrible triumvirate





......BUT just as the smoke one again cleared from the Evil Uses phone booth there was another flash of light and explosion, but it wasn't from the Evil Uses phone booth, it was another phone booth altogether.. piloted by none other than those gnarly righteous dudes themselves... Bill S. Preston Esq. and "Ted" Theodore Logan.

To combat the Evil Uses and their army of bogus dudes, they brought in the ulitimate counters to their army.

To combat the Metal-Molared Miscreant, the brought with them the one person in history who was immune to his effects, a close personal friend of theirs: Ludwig Von Beethoven

To tear apart the arguments made by the I'll Sue You lawyer they chose to bring along the only group of heroes that could actually use illogic a weapon (well that and a Holy Hand Grenade) ... it was in fact Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table

and finally they brought with them that champion of women every where:

Wonder Woman!
 
Because Wonder Woman had never tried to humiliate men without cause out of sheer spite and malice, the solo-horse-riding faction tried to get her disqualified from being a superheroine. But this REAL Amazon princess retaliated by using her golden lariat to force those brats to confess the truth: that they had just blindly swallowed all extreme-feminist doctrines without the least bit of intellectual examination, for NO other reason than emotional appeal.
 
The Grey Eagle would have taken a hand in this counterattack against evil, but he was detained by the manipulator of his compassion: Brenda the evil shapechanger. He had flown alongside the ambulance taking her to the emergency room in the next larger town (Horse-With-No-Name-Ville having no inpatient hospital), and waited while she was admitted. Her injury was not really serious; but the question brought up to him by an administrative worker was quite serious:

"Do you provide free comprehensive health insurance to all your employees, Mr. Ravitts?"

"No, I don't; it's not _possible_ for me," The Grey Eagle replied without hesitation. "I started my business on the income of a retired Navy petty officer and part-time language translator; and even though money goes farther inside the Monologues time-space overlap, I still don't _have_ the money to pay insurance premiums for all my employees AND be able to keep the restaurant open AT ALL. Every one of them understands and accepts the--"

"LIAR!" the hospital bureaucrat screamed, her eyes almost bulging out of her head. "Right-wing capitalist exploiter! Sexist! Racist! Bigot! Bitter person clinging to guns and religion! Expletive obscenity! Don't tell me you can't afford to insure your employees; if you own a business, you're a rich man, and you're just _refusing_ to spread the wealth out of sheer meanness and hating everyone who's different from--"

"Excuse me," interjected the gorgeous Brenda, pretending to be exasperated although she and the irate administrative worker were both secretly Change Party agents. "Can someone pay attention to ME now? Mr. Copper--I mean, Mr. Eagle--I mean Mr. Ravitts has already told me he'll pay for _this_ visit out of his own pocket."

The loudmouthed woman glared at Grey Eagle. "You haven't heard the last of this. Economic justice is coming!"
 
A United States Coast Guard helicopter found the dolphin girl still floating. A crewman descended in rescue harness to lift her from the water. As they were being hoisted back up, the girl declared, "In appreciation for your service, I shall now permit you to adore and worship me."

The Coastie rolled his eyes. "Kid, not only are you under age, but _I'm_ a married man."

The girl pouted all the way home.
 
On their way back to the Steakhouse Emmett and Queenie met a very strange guy. It turned out to be Pinocchio.

" Look Emmett...he is made of wood!"

Emmett recognized the wooden doll and realized his fiancee didn't know anything about.......fairytales! So this was a new opportunity for Emmett. He found it amusing and fun to teach his beloved Queenie more new things. Since he met her and had gotten to know her better he had to learn her a lot of things which Queenie took happily.

" My love, there ain't much I taught you yet but this is going to be the fun part. This young man is part of the world of stories called tales or fairytales. I'm going to teach ya some"

Queenie felt even more happy. The sound of the word fairytales made her heart jump from joy.

" But don't be fooled young lass because not all tales have a happy ending"

Queenie laughed. " But ours does have a happy ending"

Emmett couldn't disagree with her. Who ever thought such an evil queen as his beloved one once were would turn in such innocent beautiful young lady? And she was going to be his bride!!

---------

Pinocchio moved on.

" Geppetto! Where are you?"

Bat-bat turned up and was a bit curious. He was ready to go for a long holidays but suddenly new adventurers entered this thread.

" Hey! You ain't Geppetto!"

Bat-bat shook his head.

" No, I ain't Geppetto and I'm not going to turn into Geppetto"

Pinocchio was confused. Where on earth would his creator be?

Then ET showed up. He was riding a bicycle. He was carrying a large radio with him and was singing loud together with the band playing on the radio.

" I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my Bike"

ET saw Pinocchio and stopped.

" What are you doing here wooden man?"
" I can ask you the same alien".
" My name is ET and I'm driving around. Would you mind to join me?"
" Now...that's nice! My name is Pinocchio and I'm looking for a woodcarver called Geppetto. I would love to join you"
" Then jump at the back of my bike!"

And so both Pinocchio and ET drove away
 
"ET--Phone Hoooooooooooooooooooooooome!" The song came across the universe and into Pinocchio's pocket.

"Um, Mr. ET, sir. Er, that is your name, ain't it?" "Yes", said ET.

"Your wife wants you home for dinner", said Pinocchio.

"What on earth was THAT?" ET stammered? For he had felt a bit of a push into his back; Pinocchio was sitting on the back of ET's bike as they pedaled across the backdrop of the big harvest moon. "What was what?" asked Pinnochio, feigning innocence.
 
At the first opportunity, Emmett took a seat, settled Queenie on his left knee within easy kissing range, and assumed his "teaching" attitude which the former sorceress had already come to know and love.

"In your old country, darlin', before you had that little distraction for a few centuries or whatever, you must have had _stories,_ about fellows like Odin an' Thor; but my guess is, people tellin' them stories were at least halfway believin' that Odin an' Thor _actually_ existed. For us in the regular world, a time came when it was common for someone to make up a story that he _didn't_ expect his hearers to believe really happened. It was just for fun, and sometimes to provoke thought. That's what happened with Charles Dodgson, popularly known as Lewis Carroll--the Britisher whose writin's became the template for the Wonderland you found your way into.

"And then there's wooden-boy that we met outside. Pinocchio exists here in Monologues time-space because a story was made up about him; nobody over the age of seven _ever_ believed he actually existed in the regular world. But as an _archetypal_ figure, he's downright profound. Starts out artificial, though alive and self-aware; but wants to be a _real_ human boy. And in the end, he gets to be--because his father Gepetto, who carved him and assembled him, loves him an' believes he can _become_ human." Emmett paused to let that sink in.

He knew it had sunk in when Queenie's face lit up and she started kissing him with even more than her usual fervor.

After five or six minutes of this, she pulled back just a little, still cozy in his arms, to say, "Change male into female, wood into ice...and, um, add huge amounts of horrible wickedness that Pinocchio couldn't be capable of...and that's ME you're talking about! I began wanting to be human when I first saw you, Emmett. But I didn't know HOW to be. When I had you and--" Suddenly the tears came again, in floods. "Oh, Emmett, I'm so _sorry!_ I'm SO sorry! I had NO right--" She could say no more, but sobbed in her lover's strong, forgiving arms.

"It's all right now, sweetheart," the gunslinger soothed, cradling her close. "Aslan knows you're sorry, and He's taken away all your guilt. So there's nothin' to make me feel _anything_ for you but love, an' more love, an' more love besides, an' even _more_ love after that, followed by additional love. But I catch your meanin', and you got the horseshoe right round the spike. Aslan loved you like Gepetto lovin' his child Pinocchio: the love of wantin' you to be real. If'n you--sticks in my craw to think it, but it's only a what-if that never happened an' _won't_ happen--if'n you had brazened it out against Aslan to the bitter end, He frankly _would've_ killed you and sent you to the bad place. But it would have been with regret, not gloatin'. As it is, you _did_ give in to Him; and now you ARE human, and I love you SO much..."

That was the last word spoken between them for several more minutes. Held in her hero's embrace, kissing him and being kissed by him, aglow with gratitude for love both divine and human, Queenie felt an absolute flood tide of joy and longing washing through her from top to bottom and back. Every cell in her being was yearning, hungering, for that night in the near future when--

--they would shake hands and go sleep in separate houses five miles apart.
 
OOC-- That reflection about Pinocchio and Queenie was beautiful, then the very last part cracked me up, Copperfox. And to think that your reading all those Christian romance novels to Jan was apparently not in vain! :)
 
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