Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Jacob Mossyhutch spoke very little for his first ninety minutes touring the Aggiemarbelon; it was that different from the starships he had traveled on in his former combat career. It was a particular novelty when he could look outside from the rotating middle hull and see the planet Upsydaisylon gliding past. Aboard the station, he had known that he was in a rotational-gravity habitat there too, but he not had an opportunity to gaze out a window.

His own fascination with experiencing a gravity arrangement which his Earth had bypassed led him to have an idea.

"Captain Tilbury?"

"Yes, Sergeant-Major?"

"I don't want to be guilty of teaching a racehorse how to gallop; but have your design experts-- like Mister Kuldivan here-- discussed how this hull rotation will affect the performance of your new energy shields?"

Duzeerlim replied first: "I can speak for MY people, anyway. We didn't happen to have a stage of using rotational gravity on ships. But I'll ty to guess where you're going with this. Early spacecraft of nearly every civilization have practiced rotation of the whole ship on its long axis. This was done to equalize heat from sunlight on the hull surface. Am I close to your thought?"

"So you are, warrior. If this destroyer installs shield emitters on both sides of the rotating middle hull. then if at any time you're taking fire from one side, you would have different emitters taking turns keeping up the protective energy field. Exterior overheating would thus be slowed down."

"That's right," said Trablo. "And, at least if one side remained UN-threatened, their engineering personnel could execute rapid modular damage
repair while the stricken part WASN'T in the line of fire."

Constance Tilbury reminded them: "We mount all of our offensive weapons on the non-rotating fore and aft sections of our hull, in part because that makes aiming ever so much easier. But yes, that defensive advantage for the middle hull will be real."
 
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Presently, Jacob asked Ensign Ledyard to expedite access to the plotline-convenient hibernation capsule which had brought him to Bubblewrap Five. "This did not need to be first thing, but I brought along a sample of the main infantry weapon the Pindowny built for us to fight the Postalfiends."

Several of Snack Salad's security officers, including Raquel Delgado, accompanied the sergeant-major and the ensign. When access was granted, the veteran recon sergeant assembled stored parts, including what he called an ammunition bin, to produce what looked like a giant paintball gun. "This is what we call a gravity gun. It fires physical projectiles of a sort, but with far deadlier effect than any other bullet-gun design, like, ever."

Raquel was waiting for the readers to figure out that her name was a version of "Rachel," and that she was becoming acquainted with an unattached hero named "Jacob." So it was left to Ensign Ledyard to ask the reasonable question: "Does this thing's name indicate that its bullets do something to change gravity?"

"I'm afraid it's more complicated, and less logical. Everybody, please escort me back to the engineering space where we were. Here, you can see that there's no ammunition in the gun at this time." So they went back, with one of the security men carrying the mystery weapon.

"What is that?" asked the Mintcandybarri martial artist.

"It's one of the most potent hand-carried weapons made anyplace," Jacob told everyone. "As you will realize when I explain it, the gravity gun makes no sense, but it worked in my own sub-reality. Miss Duzeerlim, I understand that your world manufactures generators of actual gravity force, right?"

"Yes, we do. But even our best apparatus, if built to a scale THAT small, can't generate enough grav-repulsion power to exert a deadly bullet-velocity against anyone or anything. So please get to the clarifying."

"Of course. To begin with a shred of common sense: anyone here, tell me, is it not true that a very small material object, if propelled fast enough, can inflict damage to rival any energy weapon?"

"It certainly can," said Captain Tilbury, "So I gather you're about to tell us that the 'gravity gun' uses generated counter-gravity to propel a projectile that fast. and you're right, this DOESN'T make any sense. Gravity is a diffused force! To generate enough energy of that kind to drive a bullet at lethal speed, confining the force to where you need it working, would require an almost magical feat of energy manipulation. There's no way this could be made efficient enough to justify the trouble. No point in it, when magnetic-repulsion projectile weapons already work, and are easily available on any modern world, and produce close enough to the force your gravity-gun reportedly produces."

"Spot on, Captain. It shouldn't work, but in my world it did work, and having thousands of them saved us from the people-eating aliens. On the good side, the ammunition is easy to make: almost any kind of small pellet hard enough to do any good, can be fired from it. And the magazine, the bin holding the pellets, can be made in various shapes. In my reality, shots from a gravity gun will penetrate almost anything, AND KEEP GOING. Assuming targets were lined up, one pellet could pierce twelve or fifteen Postalfiends easily, then continue flying until it exited my world's atmosphere and vanished jn outer space."

"Which would make it a hazard to spaceships," Trablo the Braykpedduli technician remarked.

Jacob nodded. "True. But in our situation on my Earth, there weren't any friendly spacecraft overhead for us to worry about."

"Well, for the operation we have in mind," Raquel put in, "there will be friendly spacecraft in the vicinity."

Jacob nodded, pointing a finger in a you've-got-it fashion. "Between what you just said, and the inherently unrealistic nature of my weapon, I believe that my working model needs to be the only one used. It would work for me; I'm trained in preventing friendly-fire casualties; and just one gravity gun WOULD be enough in this case."

"He's right," said the Anflaktikshok woman Duzeerlim. "When we're on the ground, if he first breaks up any Barnsmell formations with his gun, the rest of us could then charge to close quarters with the survivors."
 
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A day and a half later, Jacob Mossyhutch and a large party from the space station descended to the day side of Planet Upsydaisylon. With Bubblewrap Five and all nearby spaceships well out of the line of fire, Jacob fitted a newly-made ammunition tank to his gravity gun and looked up.

Three expendable drones were hovering in the air, positioned so that Jacob's line of fire would run through all of them. Out beyond atmosphere, a cloud of charged plasma had just now been released by a shuttle, which then hurried back to safety. Sensors on the shuttle-- in addition to Drool's own surveillance through the Great Artifact-- would be able to detect the disturbance from gravity pellets passing through the plasma.

When Jacob fired into the sky, each of the drones was penetrated SO violently that it was virtually turned inside out. The pellets continued through the plasma cloud so fast that human or demi-human observers could only notice them after the fact, as a recording by sensors. Drool's more sophisticated sensors confirmed that all of the pellets reached the Upsydaisylon sun unimpeded, flying at ninety percent of the speed of light.

Meanwhile, working with some of Drool's humanoid assistants who were called Flapjacks, Gareth Ledyard had calculated a direction in which the soldier from Ringjonn could fire horizontal shots, which would leave Upsydaisylon's atmosphere on a tangent without striking any ships. The relativistic pellets would ultimately strike an unused asteroid. The real purpose of this firing test was made plain when an object created mere hours ago got propped up: it was the closest thing to a true lightsaber that the station's fabricating shop could make. Trablo Kuldivan had named it a light-bayonet.

When Jacob aimed and fired a burst through the energy blade, an ultra-highspeed camera caught the result. None of the rounds was deflected in the usual way. Three out of five pellets were destroyed passing through, but they stopped or scattered enough radiation that the other two out of each five continued flying. This was a profound game-changer.

Everybody looked at each other. Ensign Ledyard said for Drool to hear: "This is bad news for Fuss wielders. We need to warn them that they're not as immune as they think they are."

"But the gravity gun still might not work, or not work as well, if handled by somebody native to your sub-universe," Jacob reasoned.

Raquel Delgado volunteered to try shooting the gravity gun. When used by her, it did not defeat the light-bayonet, and Drool reported that the pellets lost velocity before they could even get out of atmosphere. Looking at Jacob, the space policewoman said, "Looks like you're the paladin here. If all you do with your special weapon is to break up a Barnsmell army, that'll be more than enough. After that, if we live, I'll happily teach you how to fire our plasma guns."

Jacob had never been allowed a love interest of his own during the adventures of the Long Distance Infantry. He had always considered this a lousy deal for an exceptionally valiant hero (( CHECK OUT JOHN RINGO'S ACTUAL "POSLEEN WAR" NOVELS, AND YOU'LL SEE HOW NOBLE-HEARTED AND GUTSY THE CHARACTER OF JACOB MOSOVICH REALLY WAS! )), although he understood how authors usually let the tall man get the girl. And Raquel was at least two inches taller than he. But right now, Jacob couldn't help feeling that Raquel's behavior was just the way a tough woman might attempt flirting with a tough man.

Pssssst, yes, she was in fact flirting with him. And yes, he also found her appealing.

Omniscient narrator does help to move things along.
 
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IN THE WORLD OF SIR RONALD OF GOLIAD:

After successfully convincing the Loi-Tidumo on the southern continent of his innocence and virtue, the Reslagorian schemer Armando Casador had passed some days in their seaport, where Harbormaster Fidzab Kulut introduced him to all the local merchants. As for exactly HOW long Armando's ship the Clutching Fist remained in port, assume that the time period was of whatever duration can best be reconciled with passage of time in our OTHER plotlines. While I'm at it, the same applies for the next time I'll return to my Babylon Five-derived arc, to see if Jacob and Raquel do get together.

The most promising of Armando's new business friends in the south was a lady merchant, older than himself, named Jutmeddu Bishtal. She was one of Planet Punksteema's equivalents of Black Africans on Original Earth. Her home country of N'Dazpor, situated about one hundred thirty miles west of Tidumo, had been the native country of some of Towerman Ronald's ancestors, although this does not affect our story.

The N'Dazporhai enjoyed printing presses, fast-reloading firearms, rudimentary short-range telephone service in places, and a LONG-range communications channel from their continent of Wellvernia to the northern continent Arcondoyla. They had not so far succeeded in manufacturing electric lightbulbs, which Tidumo possessed and would sell; and neither country so far had photography. But like 19th-century Original Earth, Tidumo and N'Dazpor both had engraving technology, enabling newspapers and bound books to feature drawings as illustrations. About a quarter-century ago, N'Dazporhai workmen had played a large role in laying one of this planet's four submerged intercontinental telegraph cables.

When he and Jutmeddu had conducted mercantile dialogue as far as it was going to go for the present, Armando requested that, once home, his new colleague would send a telegram whose content Armando had written. The telegram was intended for Lady Selma, Armando's aristocratic trophy wife, at their Two Rivers estate back in Reslagor. It contained nothing secret or self-incriminating, but would reassure Selma (via private code words known to her) that her husband was well and keeping busy. Later would be soon enough for the Malgriff expatriate to learn that her husband, in service to the evil immortal Jaheg-Jorod, had murdered two Loi-Tidumo sailors and wounded others while testing his new "float harpoon" weapon.

She would not be horrified when she did find out. Selma wouldn't get her own hands dirty, but she had no qualms about benefiting by the soiling of someone else's hands.

Armando's henchman Splash Gorton, meanwhile, circulated among the common Loi-Tidumo, creating a jolly impression while scouting for anyone with useful skills who might wish to sign up on the Clutching Fist. His employer, however, would not hire anyone who was likely to become overly upset if learning that Seaman Gorton had been the leading player in the weapons test which had killed those two local sailors.

< < < < < < < < < < < < < <

The land area between Tidumo and N'Dazpor, extending farther inland than either nation did, was filled by what people unanimously knew as Disappointment Plateau: the equivalent of these words in whatever language was being spoken. It sat on almost exactly the opposite side of Punksteema's southern hemisphere from The Ominous Lands.

It was widely known that dwellers in The Ominous Lands would often confront threats to life and limb; but even so, Disappointment Plateau carried a reputation scarcely any more favorable than the wilderness where Sir Ronald had vanquished the Wolves of the Crybabiya. Hardly anyone ever died by violence, agonizing diseases or starvation on the broad table-land; but human hopes and projects routinely foundered and came to nothing if pursued in this locale. For example, more than six hundred years ago, people from inland countries known to the Loi-Tidumo and to the N'Dazporhai had been stirred up by rumors of storybook-type hidden gold or gems on the plateau. Fifteen or twenty prosperous men from those inland countries had mounted treasure-hunting expeditions, but the rather boring highland gave them only an occasion to waste their time and money. No one among these treasure-seekers had robbed or murdered the others, but all of them had ended up worse off than when they started.

Sir Ronald's late friend Wyatt Hickok had become famous long ago simply by journeying the length of Disappointment Plateau, beginning from the inland end, WITHOUT suffering any serious loss, trouble or embarrassment.

Now, concurrently with Armando Casador's port stay in Tidumo, four black women on horseback-- not N'Dazporhai, but ethnically similar --were following Sir Wyatt's route northward on the table-land. At the halfway point they made camp, and settled down to wait until Copperfox got around to deciding what their names were, what their quest was, what was each one's favorite color, and whether or not it mattered to them that Wyatt the Next-To-Last Towerman had passed this way before them.
 
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Zoralee assumed a mildly coquettish smile, as she posed a question out of genuine curiosity. "Let me in on your secret, Mister Johnston: why aren't your draft animals afraid of Billyboy?"

"It's because I nearly bankrupted myself getting an enchantment placed upon them all, even before the railway ghouls began appearing. The hoofs of all my good beasts can smite evil beings like a magic sword. They would be able to destroy any undead walkers who came at us, and THEY understand that they have such power." Here the wagonmaster looked straight at Billyboy. "Doomrats are hard to kill, but you have no actual weapon-immunity. Two of my camelopards together would put you down for certain-sure."

"Then why do they still obey you?" Zoralee did not mean to be snide, she was honestly wondering. She knew that enchanted beasts were prone to balk at obeying orders from ordinary humans.

"In part, because they all realize that THEY are not immune to bullets either. But mostly because they realize that my family and I love them. We take good care of them and of their young, we don't separate the birthing cows from their young calves, and we never allow the beasts to be overworked. It's a partnership."

Crossing the nation of Yanstark, which neighbored their homeland of Gromstark on the west, the detective Zoralee Jeralo and her metamorphosed brother Billyboy could have taken a train. Yanstarkers were prosperous enough and industrious enough to have laid railroad tracks into every district of their country-- although short-run employment still remained for drovers like Skagruth Johnston, transporting goods and people to and from railway stations or waterway piers. In some ways, riding a train was as natural as eating to a private investigator; one could harvest all sorts of clues and rumors from the chatter of passengers. Zoralee was well enough known that, under normal circumstances, her word MIGHT be accepted about her "tame doomrat" being harmless.

But with liches haunting the railroads west of Yanstark, and rumors claiming that some had been seen within Yanstark, nervous train guards and armed passengers might have opened fire first and asked questions later, just assuming Billyboy to be associated with the living dead. Anyway, the lady sleuth wanted to get to where the real action was, in Tablanor and Felruda, not be bogged down chasing rumors this far east.

Moreover, if she could join up with Felipe, the information wizard's findings might make her own work easier-- assuming that there WAS a mystery which called for detective work. And there certainly should be a mystery to solve in Tablanor, since undead monsters did not simply spring up after a rainfall.
 
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We will return to Punksteema directly. But right now, Copperfox offers his patient readers a variation on the usual story-so-far summaries.

THIS SERIAL BEING A PARODY PIECE TAKING STEROIDS, MOST MAJOR CHARACTERS ARE PARODIES OF CHARACTERS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF. BUT YOUR AUTHOR, THE CREATOR OF ALIPANG HAVENS, WOULD NOT HAVE IT SAID THAT HE COULDN'T CONCEIVE OF TOTALLY INDEPENDENT CHARACTERS.


HENCE, A SPECIAL REVIEW: reminding my readers of assorted characters (in no particular order) who are NOT specific parodies of some other author’s characters. These are characters I just made up ex nihilo as individuals, because they seemed suitable for this or that plot arc in my saga, although of course each is connected with some parody premise or other.

FALCONETTE GOWDY-GOWDY: Lives in the Britain of “Urth,” the Earth-variant where the “Justified League” exists. Her duplicative surname reflects her having married a distant cousin who had the same surname as she was born with. Falconette murdered her husband for his wealth, and is now a behind-the-scenes schemer who assists major villains in various covert ways.

T’PINNOK ZUR: Lives in the quasi-Asian country of Hukshem on Planet Punksteema, the world which faintly echoes Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series. T’Pinnok frequently has dreams which reveal future events. He is connected to the wealthy Pril family, who befriended my gunslinger hero early on in the Punksteema story thread.

KATUVA WALTON, a.k.a. Sky Lioness: Lives in the West Africa of “Terra,” the Earth-variant where I’ve placed versions of Shazam, Daredevil, Poison Ivy, John Constantine and The Question. Katuva is on the side of good, and her powers include strength, limited flight, clairvoyance and healing.

DMITRI LEONIDOVICH TARASOV, a.k.a. Tapper Cossack: A recent addition to the Justified League on Urth. He gains superhuman strength from hearing music, and he cannot be HARMED BY any sound vibrations. That last detail made him perfect husband material for my converted-to-goodness version of Silver Banshee.

BLACK GIRAFFE: Lives in Uganda as that nation is on “Anime Earth.” He is about as strong as a dozen athletic normal men, and can make his neck grow longer. The point of lengthening his neck is that, while his neck is extended, he gains unusual sensory abilities, like detecting radio transmissions.

YING TIEN-HAI: Also on “Anime Earth.” Note that the China of this Earth broke free from Communist rule decades before. Tien-Hai, blind daughter of an honorable kung-fu master and herself an expert at fighting in the dark, is now married to my version of The Mandolorian; he thus can leave his helmet off when they’re alone together.

DREAMTIME CHIEFTAIN: Native Australian on “Earth-Whichever,” where his country’s name is spelled “Ostralia.” As a good wizard, he helped to save Earth-Whichever from conquest by my version of Darkseid. His most remarkable power is that he can change undead creatures back into living people.

ARUSH VHANI, a.k.a. “Flying Elephant”: Another defender of Earth-Whichever, born in India where he was a blue-collar worker. Since gaining his powers, Arush is not as strong as an elephant, but can survive as much damage as could be endured collectively by a HUNDRED elephants. He can't literally fly, but he has the agility and reaction speed of a mongoose.

BOONE CROCKETT: Elected colony leader on Planet Freesoil. His people have contact both with the sub-reality based on the movie “Spaceballs,” and with the sub-reality based on “Starship Troopers.” My version of “Dark Helmet” is being gradually won over to the side of good by Boone’s people.

PRIFNAK: Centaur-like being from Planet Hoofmark, friendly with the Green Flashlight Corps. Several Flashlights, including my version of Green Lantern Killiwog, brought him through the Red Streak Wormhole with others of his kind, to visit and educate a race of similar beings on the cold-climate planet Jinobrid (pronounced Jin-OH-brid).

TAPIDRI and TARVILI: Sisters belonging to the same race as my version of Grand Admiral Thrawn. Tapidri and Tarvili were forced into the service of my version of the Fourth World villainess Granny Goodness, becoming counterparts of her "Furies." But when Tapidri was made to take part in the attack on Earth-Whichever, she ended up getting led to the side of good by She-Hunk, and Tarvili soon followed.

BILL REDVEST: Valuable technician on the colonized world Latterdawn (connected with the TV show “Space 1999”). Bill had a hand in preventing destruction of the whole settlement by large flesh-eating insects which are the deadliest local threat. Latterdawn is the world which Marysuefire saved from being destroyed by Galactikang

RED HOT LAMIA: One of several newly-imagined Asian villains located on Urth, who are trying to help Western villains reinvigorate the Super-Gang of Naughty Persons. A gorgeous woman most of the time, Lamia's most notable power is changing into an enormous python.

MATTHEW CARVER: No super-powers at all in his case. Matthew, also a resident of Urth, is one of the emotionally troubled teenagers helped by staying at Restoration Ranch. This therapy ranch is owned and operated by Vigilant Cowboy, a Justified League member who has one foot in crimefighting and one foot in deeds of compassion.

NOLARIVU PAMIZO: A human-like member of the self-important Heart Sapphire Sisterhood which has taken over "Jersey Earth." She has dark blue skin, except for her face, hands and feet which are pigmented like a Caucasian human, and fair hair. She has regular contact with the family of my version of classic detective hero Dick Tracy.

SECRETARY HUI KAI-MA: The woman in the Communist China of Seedubb Earth who oversees her government's harboring of Western super-villains. When last seen, her "guest list" included my versions of Red Skull, Reverse Flash, and the Tleilaxu Face Dancers in the Dune novels.
 
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WE NOW CONTINUE OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED EPISODE. AGAIN, ASSUME THAT PASSAGE OF TIME JUST PREVIOUS TO THIS WAS WHATEVER FITS WITH OVERALL CHRONOLOGY.

The small force venturing east from Bamulica had a loftier commander than the number of men would ordinarily call for. Colonel Roger Zaptrim, Chief of Hussars for Malgriff Thanedom, was acting as a diplomat, not only as a cavalry officer. In his absence, his younger brother David was the acting commander of all armed personnel back at home. Two other commissioned officers were with him: Captain John Telbroc who was Sir Ronald's friend, and (representing the Thanedom friendliest to Malgriff) Lieutenant Varlock Patterson of the Sagrum Rangers, leading four men and two women.

Unlike Malgriff Hussars who all had sabers and sometimes used rifles, the Sagrum Rangers carried lances along with pistols. Petersen and each rider of his squad all had revolvers; these had been given to the soldiers and police of Sagrum by Malgriff as a gift to an ally. As a backup, each Ranger also carried a pistol of the type which had been their standard issue before the gift of repeating weapons. These were single-shot guns, but not like muskets; they opened like a break-barrel shotgun, to receive a pre-formed cartridge. In view of their mission, all seven Sagrums had silver bullets for their old-style pistols. Their lances likewise had silver-plated heads.

Besides the female Rangers, there were two other women in the expedition: Lady Dorothy Malgriff, representing her father the Thane, and single-named Brishlim, the sturdy policewoman who had met Ronald of Goliad when he helped to expose the crooked Justiciar Sparrek.

A LINGUISTIC NOTE: There are two nations in this plot arc whose names contain the syllable "Brish," as does that policewoman's name. Understand that Brishlim's name IS connected to the names of those nations. It's like a man on Original Earth being named "Francis": there IS a linguistic link between this person's name, and the country called France.\\\\

A COMPUTERS-ARE-EVIL-TRAITORS NOTE: When I made an edit in this post, I called for underlining of ONE small part. But my laptop decided that IT wanted to underline EVERYTHING from there to the end of the post, just because, and I can't undo it. Morpheus in "The Matrix" was right about robots. \\\\

Many of the men were fluent in Loi-Hukshem, the language of the friendly neighbor nation they had to pass through first; but only Lady Dorothy, Colonel Zaptrim and Lieutenant Patterson were fluent in the commerce languages which would help them beyond the Gulf of Kobason. Brishlim, however, knew some of the Nizozuan language, thanks to having once dated a Nizozuan art merchant.

As well-behaved guests, the Bamulicans crossed Hukshem and then Kikoro without mishap, to book passage on the Watchful Arhat, the same ship on which Ronald of Goliad had previously traveled east with his apprentice D'Kovo Pril. Meanwhile, your author was reviewing past episodes to figure out whether some other characters like Jillian Shard were supposed to be traveling with Colonel Zaptrim's expedition as well. If yes, assume that Lady Dorothy conversed frequently with Jillian the semi-retired Smoke Maiden from Reslagor.

>>>> OH-KAY, after searching back through many pages, I can't find any post in which I definitely said that Jillian and her husband Howard positively WERE traveling east. Therefore, let's agree that they are NOT accompanying Lady Dorothy and Colonel Zaptrim at this time. If somehow I did after all say they were going, let's agree that some sudden obligation, accident or need, nothing deadly to them, forced them to change their plans. Which in turn means that Jillian can keep on training her new student Razibi Pril of Hukshem.

Hey, even Mister Tolkien changed things. Did you know that early on, he was going to have Aragorn be an adventurous HOBBIT nicknamed Trotter?
 
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Returning to Felruda, Ronald of Goliad had told General Seldunin everything he and his genuinely diverse posse had learned in the Bavrid Mountains. The Towerman had made sure to emphasize how useful the seventeen-year-old swordsman Talusek Fernwood had been: lacking any occasions to fight anyone, but facilitating all of Ronald's business by translating the Loi-Bavrid language. In turn, the good witch Rizlaya Tohir had related how she had helped the cured zombie Keith Standish to remember some of what had happened when he was transformed. Most importantly, Keith remembered meeting someone who announced himself to be the legendary immortal diabolist Jaheg-Jorod.

Railway detective Torin Pell had at this time been free to rejoin Ronald. Mister Pell had given Ronald a new lead to follow. A tribe of Sledge Nomads who were on good terms with Felrudeans had sent a messenger on a saddle-buck, to report that THEY had begun to see corpses getting up and walking. The detective arranged a train ride for the gunslinger-knight's group, as far north as the rails went.

Burzu Yunsh, the messenger from the Sogmilla Tribe, was allowed to place his riding beast on a livestock car. They rode the train for four and a half days, crossing into Heskadug, the next country north. It seemed significant that the Heskadugra people HADN'T seen any of their people turning into liches; this fact argued that the undead epidemic wasn't all spreading from one origin location.

It would seem that Jaheg-Jorod was leaving his magical footprints in multiple regions.

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The northernmost railway terminal in Heskadug, one of the ten or twelve northernmost railway terminals on the whole northern continent, was in a town called-- as Burzu Yunsh translated its name for his companions-- Digger's Doom. Torin explained to Ronald that a swarm of the goblin-ish Bloody Diggers had suffered a crushing defeat here, more than two centuries ago. Several women of the Smoke Maidens, using primitive muskets, had contributed to this human victory.

On the north edge of town, half a mile north of the train station, stood a sort of temple, its materials crude but its design pleasing. Its name translated as "The Temple of Worshiping the Actual God as Accurately as a Fantasy Civilization Can Understand Him." Its equivalent of a pastor was a vigorous white-bearded man whose name translated to something like "The Fox with Metal Eyes," though his eyes were ordinary flesh-and-blood eyes. Speaking through Torin, some locals told the travelers how, as a young man, the cleric had almost single-handedly built a bridge over a ravine on Heskadugra's northern border. Mighty blessings were laid upon the structure, to defeat the purposes of any evil beings who crossed the ravine.

The bridge had come to be known as the Steeleye Span. (Rim shot.)

"Some of the undead shapes from the north ventured within sight of the Span two days ago," Metal Eyes told the investigators through Burzu Yunsh; "but they turned back. This is the closest they have come so far to entering our land."
 
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A leatherworking shop in Digger's Doom was owned by an extended family of Burzu's tribe which had settled in Heskadug four generations ago. This family took a lively interest in Sir Ronald's party, glad to see a prospect of help for their kindred still on the northern steppes. None of the girls among them had seen the memo that every girl is a super-warrior who can defeat men twice her size with her eyes closed; but two of the older teenage boys asked to be included in any sortie against the undead. Their names were Hedrai Sehak and Fibgor Sehak. Both were accomplished archers, and each of them already possessed two silver-headed arrows for obvious reasons.

Copperfox would not set up a fantasy scenario in which silver was of huge usefulness against monsters, and then prevent the good guys from HAVING silver to use. D'Kovo Pril made a well-received gesture of generosity toward Hedrai and Fibgor, giving each of them one of his own silver-tipped arrows. After all, once D'Kovo attained his knighthood, he would become able to slay weapon-resistant monsters WITHOUT needing special weapons.

Meanwhile, Talusek, who couldn't afford to wait until he became a full-fledged Towerman, was able to get his sword blade laminated with silver. If I remember correctly-- or just retcon accordingly-- Otto Kergoff, the south-continent-born lad who had been raised by the Dolphin Tribe of Nizozu after losing his parents in a shipwreck, possessed a silvered knife. Torin Pell the railway detective now bore a double-barrelled shotgun, each of whose shells contained two or three silver pellets among the ordinary ones; and as an emergency resource, he had an incendiary grenade which potentially could incinerate ten or twelve liches. Seventeen-year-old Ilya Trostel from Vodranor bore an axe with a silver-chased head; this had been wielded by his maternal ancestor Link Brahma: not a Towerman, but an ally to them in slaying vampires, Finally, Burzu Yunsh carried a spear which was also a family heirloom, a spear which had had mighty incantations against evil spoken over it by its crafter, Burzu's great-grandfather. The spear's quality had been proven by the crafter's eldest son, a great-uncle to Burzu, when it dispelled and wiped out an evil life-devouring ghost.

As the most urbanized member of the posse, and as the eldest apart from Ronald, Mister Pell's duty would be, assisted by one other member of the group, to protect the riding animals from danger when the men were dismounted.

So, with Ronald riding on his mule-- whom he had recently named Marhalt, after a Towerman of the past-- while the others were mounted on saddle-deer, the expedition set out on a mission to start some action in the story. Ronald's companions were Torin, Burzu, D'Kovo, Otto, Talusek, Ilya, Hedrai, Fibgor-- and a female wolfhound named Quickjaw. The dog was a special case: as a puppy, she had been raised and trained by a retired Smoke Maiden, since deceased. A lasting gift was upon Quickjaw: not only did she possess the detecting-evil ability common to dog heroes in fiction, and not only could she understand all human speech regardless of language, but like Towermen and Smoke Maidens, she could damage all weapon-resistant monsters.

On their second day outside of Heskadug, they saw what looked like a roadside billboard on Original Earth. Its meaning was magically intelligible to everyone, including the dog, the mule and the saddle-deer.

Right now, east of you, a dozen defenseless children are desperately fleeing from a swarm of undead monsters. Unlike the ones encountered in Tablanor and Felruda, these monsters are highly determined to murder mortals, and their human souls are entirely gone. The tribal children's parents all died heroically defending their children, and are now in the presence of AsaLion, being rewarded for their sacrifice. Now it's up to YOU to save their sons and daughters. If the children are killed, they will NOT become undead monsters, but they ought to be allowed to live their lives. This situation is not only occurring to generate action in the story, but also to make sure the readers really REALLY dislike Jaheg-Jorod. Now get going!

As the heroes rode in the direction the sign indicated, they seemed to hear music from somewhere:

 
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Across a far distance, Quickjaw heard the despairing cries of helpless children. Like every proper dog hero, she loved human children. A cheetah would have been left in her dust as she took off, as all of her companions were left behind. Refer to the previously linked music. Imagine an audience cheering for her.

A four-year-old boy, falling behind the other fleeing children, had twisted his ankle and fallen headlong. Don't think harshly of the other children who kept running; they were crazed with fear and loss, and didn't notice the boy. The boy vainly screamed for the mother who had already given her life enabling him to get a head start on the monsters.....

The situation on Punksteema was not unobserved. It was being watched, in the equivalent of crystal balls, by the semi-human quasi-technicians of Hopecrusher Central. Hovering near them with great interest was the fiend Screendoormammu. He had dropped in hoping for news of his fellow demon lord Kuth-Hula-Hoop, but it had not been by. Even the Hopecrusher staff knew nothing about the good wizard Hector von Bootblack, who had captured Kuth-Hula-Hoop and imprisoned it inside a demon-containment field.

Screendoormammu anticipated a certain consolation from watching little children being horribly killed. He was well aware that there were people on Original Earth who would enjoy seeing such a scene in a movie, as his kindred souls on Planet Greedy Crime would enjoy it. He could almost taste the innocent blood..... but then, all at once.....

"What's that? --Oh no, it's a DOG HERO! Curses, that's not fair! I hate heroic rescues!!"

The foremost of the ghouls-or-whatever was just three strides away from the sobbing little boy-- when a snarling hairy thunderbolt struck it. Quickjaw clamped her teeth upon the cadaverous arm which was reaching to seize the child; then, in one unbroken maneuver, she whirled around, yanking the creature off its feet as if it weighed no more than a twig. Now she had the attention of all the zombie-things, as she desired. And since she could sense that the human souls were permanently gone from these corpses, she would not be killing PEOPLE by re-killing their husks.

First things first, though. Save the little boy.

Swinging the first animated corpse like a flail, Quickjaw knocked six more of them off their feet as they converged to attack her. Another one slipped past her, trying to get at the original target-- but she tore its head clean off. Then she expertly flipped the boy onto her back, where he instinctively clung to her fur just as she wanted him to.

Now came the calculated gamble. She might have run to overtake the other children, so as to get them all together again while she turned back to hold off the monsters. But instead, she reckoned that the undead horde would just as likely follow her if she ran with the one boy, straight back toward the other heroes who would soon catch up.

Dog heroes are never wrong.

With the other children no longer facing imminent attack, the wolfhound led the seventy or eighty remaining ghouls right toward-- Sir Ronald, who was leading the rest by ten lengths. Having a Towerman on his back lent Marhalt fabulous quickness. The gunslinger-knight's arbalest sent the arrow named Famine clear through two zombie-things which were lined up for him; and since it was a Towerman who had shot the crossbow quarrel, the otherwise non-magical (not even silver-headed) projectile re-dead-ified both walking corpses.

Imagine more heroic music playing. Imagine the onlookers at Hopecrusher Central shrieking with frustration.
 
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Simultaneously with launching the rest of his crossbow bolts on the gallop, which accounted for another six liches, Ronald rode toward where he could see the exhausted children. They were keeping together, the larger among them carrying the smallest ones. No monsters were near the children at present, but Ronald summoned Quickjaw: "Go protect them again, good girl!" Having just set her little passenger down beside Torin Pell, the wolfhound was more than willing to follow this command. The gunslinger turned his attention back to the opposing undead mob.

Ronald had been carefully conserving his pistol ammo for a long time, but there were bullet-makers in Heskadug who could match the caliber of his revolvers. He had plenty of rounds now, and could purchase more later if he survived this battle. Tapping his heels, no spurs needed, he brought Marhalt to a canter, staying just out of the zombies' reach as he poured bullets into them. Two cylinders emptied, twelve undead adversaries destroyed; change out cylinders, another twelve monsters biting the dust. When Ronald pulled back to reload at least two cylinders, Talusek, Ilya, D'Kovo, and Burzu moved in, fighting as a team. The swordsman, the axe-wielder and the spearman attacked at close range, while the young archer hung back and used the five silver arrows in his quiver to good effect. He was even able to retrieve one silver arrow and use it again; after this, he lit his own torch. Hedrai and Fibgor had also done well shooting from the flanks; now they used their torches to force nearby monsters to retreat.

None of the undead walkers tried to go and catch the children; perhaps they had enough brains left to realize what Quickjaw the dog heroine would do to them. Ronald slid out of the saddle, told Marhalt to move out of reach, and charged into the monsters with his axe and poniard. His three friends in the middle of the action moved to join up with him. Talusek beheaded some; Ilya dismembered others; Burzu made the things fall into dust when his magic spear pierced them; and D'Kovo set two of the creatures ablaze.

An extra dozen or so shambling ex-humans, latecomers, advanced from behind a hill, not far from where Torin and Otto were stationed. One of the saddle-deer abruptly panicked and bolted, so the others followed suit. But the lately-rescued little boy had been placed on the back of one of the does; familiar with saddle-deer, he held on successfully as she carried him away from the fight. With their original assignment now terminated by chance, Torin and Otto faced the new threat. Torin's first two shots with silver pellets destroyed four of the newcomers. While he reloaded, Otto showed the agility he had gained from practicing Song Fist: evading their clumsy grabs, he slashed three zombies in rapid succession with his silver knife, deactivating them. Torin opened fire again while Otto hurried over to get his torch lighted; with this flame source in action, Torin could reload once again. Together, they soon dispatched the rest of the flanking detachment.

Then they trotted on foot toward the main battle. In every language he knew which might be understood by friendlies, the detective roared, "Move upwind! Move upwind!" Once Ronald, Marhalt, Burzu, Ilya, Talusek, D'Kovo, Fibgor and Hedrai all understood and complied, Torin hurled his incendiary grenade into the biggest gathering of ghouls downwind of his friends. The weapon consumed at least nine of the creatures, and incapacitated several more. Otto then dashed at the nearest hostiles, arriving with a flurry of kicks and leg-trips. These attacks could not damage the monsters, but did put them off balance, rendering them easy prey for silver and flame.

Torin took down three more liches with his next pair of shots. The ones he hit, aiming high, had knocked Fibgor out from behind, and had been about to finish him. Torin didn't pause to reload before he grabbed an arm and began hauling Fibgor away from danger. This was his last mistake. A ghoul who was faster than most rushed up and broke the railway detective's neck before he could react. Retribution was swift, as Talusek beheaded that monster with his sword and then took over dragging Fibgor to safety. But Torin Pell of Tablanor was already kneeling in worship before AsaLion, Who gave him a hearty "Well done, thou good and faithful."

One other heroic death was incurred on the side of good. With his comrades tiring after VERY hard fighting, the tireless Ronald of Goliad had borne more and more of the brunt of combat, his axe and poniard neutralizing walking corpse after walking corpse. The monsters, for their part, seemed to understand that this mortal had been their mightiest foe all along, and sought to pull him down as if, well, you know, as if Jaheg-Jorod were directing them by remote control to concentrate on the Last Towerman. Quickjaw the wolfhound, satisfied that the kids were all right, raced back to aid Ronald, but enough adversaries got in her way that she could not immediately reach the gunslinger.

In the absolute nick of time, leaping like a steeplechase horse, Marhalt the mule came to his beloved master's rescue. His flying leap knocked over the two ghouls who had gotten the firmest grips on Ronald; and although his hoofs could not injure the undead, his kicks did unbalance enough of them that Ronald could recover his fighting stance completely. Marhalt's throat was ripped open, less than a second before the gunslinger's axe clove the killer's skull. One way or another, and mostly by the doing of Ronald and Quickjaw, every last remaining ghoul was destroyed.

As Ronald knelt weeping beside the best steed he had ever owned, he heard AsaLion's voice:

"It's all right, My son: like Mister Pell, Marhalt is up here with Me now. And he asks Me to tell you that he has no regrets for serving you and rescuing you, because you were his best and kindest master. The spirits of all those brave mothers and fathers are pleased to know that their sacrifice was not wasted. And the people whose bodies were used as ghouls against their will are glad that you put a stop to that."
 
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The teenager Hedrai was experienced in what a modern society would call "first aid." He was able to help his brother, while Burzu cut saplings to make a stretcher. When the rescued children, all unhurt, joined the rescuers, the older of these children assisted in raising a stone mound over the bodies of Torin Pell and Marhalt the mule. Then everyone went and found the spot where the parents had fallen in the defense of their daughters and sons. Ronald noticed something here which no one else noticed: instead of the rottenness of zombies, there was a fragrance in the air, such as old stories recount from the passing of great saints. Raising a larger burial mound over these heroes, everyone involved found that they felt no fatigue from the toil.

Ilya and three of the older peasant children undertook to carry Fibgor on his litter, and they all headed in the direction the fleeing saddle-deer had taken. The animals, all safe as was the four-year-old boy, were grazing. Ronald and Burzu, assured by Fibgor that he could keep his seat, hoisted him onto the largest of the riding beasts. The small children were distributed on the backs of other saddle-deer.

Partway back to the Heskadugra border, an armed crowd of Heskadugra men met them with glad greetings. (Yes, men; these men also had not seen the memo that all females are unbeatable super-goddesses). Father Metal-Eyes had received a heavenly notification of what had happened on the steppes. These men would assume the task of searching for any human survivors not accounted for after the zombie-or-whatever attack.

And Ronald of Goliad would assume the solemn duty of reporting Torin Pell's noble death to Torin's family and employers.

= = = = = = = =

Far away in Hukshem, the seer T'Pinnok Zur had a dream which, in this case, WASN'T about the future. It informed him of everything that had just occurred with D'Kovo Pril, especially the fact that D'Kovo had acquitted himself honorably and had come through the battle safely.
 
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We're overdue to revisit the "Urth" sub-reality, the Earth-variant which has a version of the Justice League.

The management of Urth's Tachyon Loop venture had decided to go slow. The first flight of the two beam-riding starships occurred on the date intended, but the ships were projected only as far as a one-third point, where Superdude waited. Then Superdude took hold of the larger ship's exterior, and rode with it back to Urth when the pre-timed return charge was triggered. All of this went well, so the next leap went two-thirds of the way to Senphatori; Superhottie was the one watching the arrival point. Again, all went well.

The trip "for all the marbles" occurred at whatever time worked best for story chronology. But the trip didn't work best for Adam and Proxima Straightup and their co-astronauts. When they materialized close to Proxima's native planet, both Tonkrypians were loitering in space a few thousand miles away, so as not to steal the glory from the regular space travelers. But when three hours passed with no signal from the ship crews, Corky and Clara began to worry.

The super-cousins were not wrong to worry, but their worries were misplaced.

Ramnoodel was the Senphatorian city where the ships were supposed to have landed. When Superdude and Superhottie landed there, they saw that the two ships appeared intact.... but a moment later, the two cousins WEREN'T intact.

Twin lIghtning bolts-- MAGICAL bolts, thus fully effective against Tonkrypians-- leaped from the hands of Block Atom, stunning Urth's two strongest protectors. Then red-sunlight projectors (whose creation Princess Serrimu had overseen) were activated, rendering the heroes weak. Before Superhottie passed out, she heard a female voice from a loudspeaker (Serrimu, this was) talking about the supposed evil plans of Urth to conquer and enslave Senphatori now being thwarted.

The top-tier villain and his cunning girlfriend had convinced a sufficient number of Senphatorians that Urthlings, despite being inferior in the sciences, considered themselves "better than" Senphatorians on the grounds of Urth having metahuman inhabitants. Serrimu's Penny Jezebel power of The Chatter had made this lie convincing. Now, the evil princess would begin exerting her persuasion power to convince Corky and Clara that Block Atom deserved their loyalty and support.

With the power of the super-cousins added to Block's power, and with futuristic weapons being wielded by Senphatorians who believed that Block Atom was the good guy, the advantage of surprise should be enough to enable a conquest of Urth where Twerpseid had failed. But Serrimu urged Block not to be hasty. There should be a way to send some kind of advance agents, who could help to prevent the Justified League from guessing what was coming.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
 
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At the project center in the Texas of Urth, it had been decided previously that, when the large starship Hope of Urth and the smaller and older ship #72206 reached Senphatori, Earth's Tachyon Loop installation would wait for four days before activating the retrieval function. This would give the astronauts time to mingle with the Senphatorians and tell how the work on Urth had gone.

As soon as the two ships made re-entry and landed, everyone on board them was taken into custody. They were not harmed, but they were sequestered, with Adam held separately from Proxima. Frankie Chiang of Singapore and Miss Ululani Atuf of Libya, the two Urthlings who had been copilots to Adam and Proxima, were brought before Princess Serrimu. She went to work on them with The Chatter:

"Listen to my reality, friends. I have imperial blood AND mystical training, so my reality is the reality to believe. Everyone else who came from Urth with you, including the Straightups, will remain on Senphatori, to give talks at colleges and business offices. As a gesture of cultural exchange, seven or eight Senphatorian scientists and programmers will take the return flight with you to Urth. You and they will assure everyone on Urth, especially the superheroes, that all is well on Senphatori. Superdude and Superhottie will not immediately return to Urth, because they have decided to fly separate wide-ranging patrols among nearby star systems, in case anyone there needs their help."

"When you return to Urth, if there are any mind readers there, you should invite them to probe your brains for all the educational details of your expedition."

Serrimu added this instruction based on her confidence in her own hypnotic power. Any telepath scanning Frankie and Ululani should seem to detect entirely authentic memories. The same would be true for the Senphatorians going back with them. The two Urthlings, and their Senphatorian companions, would not know any differently until nanobots resting within their skulls. But as soon as any of them was approached by Urthside villains, they (the two pilots and the goodwill delegates from Senphatori) would be impelled by the nanobots to tell the Urthling villains: "We are aware of the bugs you planted in the Tachyon Loop ships, and we want to reach a cooperative agreement."

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

Unknown to Block Atom and Princess Serrimu, but in harmony with their schemes, an evil immortal calling herself the Queen of the Goshdarned made contact with the same evil organization which had been responsible for "bugging" the ships of the Tachyon Loop venture.

Kern MacLowry, a leading dirty-tricks expert for the evil front organization called the Hound Breeders' Club, was sleeping in a guest room at the Frankenstadt Tower on Britain's Isle of Wight when the Queen of the Goshdarned materialized at the foot of his bed.

"Wake up, little boy. Forces of evil are sufficiently impressed with your maneuvers, that I've come to give you a tip. I dare not exert my violent abilities to assist you, because this would arouse a certain Being to punish me; but I can get away with helping you by providing information.

"Your fellowship's bid to reach out to off-planet evildoers has borne fruit. The extremely strong Block Atom, and the extremely clever Princess Serrimu, have gained sway over the people of Senphatori, and have neutralized Superdude and Superhottie."

Mister MacLowry perked up. "I hope you mean they KILLED the Tonkrypians."

"No, little boy. As you already know, Tonkrypians can be weakened by an imbalance in ambient light stressing red light. This was done on Planet Senphatori. Superdude and Superhottie are captives, and will not be slain at all if they can instead be reprogrammed to the side of being cool and hip. They are being held securely enough that YOU have time in which to assist with preparations for a conquest of Urth."

"I see, And how much latitude will my organization have in this?"

"A great deal of latitude. Any tyranny needs an administrative structure, and Block Atom finds this boring. He'll be more than happy to let your Boardroom of Owls handle the bureaucratic part on a conquered Urth, with plenty of privilege and luxury assured for you.

"One more useful tip now, before I have to vanish. Your network is trying to begin coordinating with Asian super-villains. One of those villains is on her way to London right now, for the same purpose of pragmatic alliance. I refer to the metahuman bearing the nickname of 'Hand-Eye.' She will arrive at Heathrock Airport tomorrow afternoon. I recommend that you meet her there, and bring along your new recruit called Rattle-Sneak. Those two little girls will be pleased to find out how much they share in common."
 
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The Asian woman arriving in the London of Urth was nicknamed "Hand-Eye" because she HAD EYES embedded in the palms of her hands. When closed, these extra eyes were detectable only as creases in her palms. They had to be at least partly opened to do their jobs. One job was comprehensive magical eyesight, even seeing invisible objects; the other job was shooting out lightning bolts.

The Crocodile Market organization had furnished Hand-Eye with descriptions of Western criminals she might encounter in the United Kingdom. Seeing through two solid walls in the Heathrock terminal, she spotted and recognized Rattle-Sneak, and accordingly concluded that the older man with Rattle-Sneak was a member of the Boardroom of Owls, also known as the Raincoat Corporation-- really one and the same thing as the Crocodile Market. She knew almost no English, but was fluent in French, and it was known that most Europeans in the crime network spoke French.

The contact was made smoothly enough, after Hand-Eye made it through customs. Mister MacLowry booked her into a posh hotel secretly owned by the Boardroom of Owls, and introduced her to several Chinese-speaking henchpersons who would assist her with whatever independent business she wanted to do in London. A date would be set for Hand-Eye to be interviewed in Frankenstadt Tower. To this purpose, MacLowry gave her contact information for Falconette Gowdy-Gowdy, who also knew French.

Rattle-Sneak owned a language-translation device, and used it to strike up a friendship with her fellow villainess. The American she-crook would be with Hand-Eye for the eventual introduction to the gang at Frankenstadt.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Having no cause to suspect that any fresh trouble was afoot, Greg and Ruby Sutter FINALLY set out for their Cambodian honeymoon. At the time they took off from Denver International Airport, Clean Hornet and Squire Vindictive were already on the ground in Laos, touching base with Clean Hornet's kickboxer friend Petsarat Kingpavong; and Martin "Atomic Scalp" Alpert was in Cambodia itself, being welcomed like a rock star everywhere he went. As covertly planned, Hornet and Squire would enter Cambodia when Scalpie left it.

Moistureman (he was the blond Aquaman-parody, in contrast to the Jason Momoa-like Aquaticman on Seedubb) was also available, hanging around in the China Sea in case trouble sought out the Sutters. Back in America, Green Flashlight Mike Deep Swimmer was enjoying his well-earned rest break, but still was curious about how the group visiting Senphatori was faring.
 
When Atomic Scalp took a tour of ancient Cambodian temples, the mixed Eastern and Western villains hiding out in Southeast Asia saw a golden opportunity. It was of course the seer Noseypickus who had spotted the former super-villain from afar, and Mirror Merchant had narrowed the location down further. The stone giant Weebeejammin used his ability to merge with bedrock, passing through the earth to arrive at the temple site, while Emir Efreet flew on the wind in his smoke form.

Martin's first intimation of danger took the shape of Emir Efreet, who was immune to being burned, materializing on Martin's shoulders, furiously stabbing with a dagger. The point pierced his skin by a centimeter each time, because a magical being was wielding it: not life-threatening damage, but upsetting. Whenever Martin tried to grab Efreet, the villain changed back into smoke. Next, the stone giant burst upward out of the ground, to grapple with Martin.

Figuring he had done his part, Efreet reverted to smoke while the other two wrestled and struggled and grappled and generally fought. They were equally matched for strength, but the giant's hard stone exterior shrugged off blows from Scalpie. Extreme heat should have been able to melt Weebeejammin into lava, but Weebeejammin was himself sufficiently magical to retain solidity. Martin found that he could lift the giant above his head and body-slam him, which did have some effect; but then Efreet in smoke form screened his eyes so he couldn't see to determine his next move.

Smelling victory from a distance, Mirror Merchant teleported Sullivan Grungy to the scene. The Frankenstein's-monster-like villain joined a recovered Weebeejammin in mercilessly stomping Atomic Scalp, while Efreet strove to suffocate him. A desperate flame counterattack by the hard-pressed hero did hurt Grungy, and even softened part of the stone giant's body; but Efreet wrapped his smoke-self around Weebeejammin and did a plotline-significant magical thing. The giant somehow became able to PROCESS the fire pouring into him.....

And for the first time in years, Martin's living-skull head was NOT wreathed in flame. He still had super-strength, but where burning was concerned he had just been-- extinguished.

It would have gone very badly for Martin at this point---

If a forked bolt of lightning, occurring on a cloudless day, had not struck all three villains at once. It was also unavoidably conducted into Martin's body, but he could withstand this. Efreet, still in smoke form, was not hurt, but he was disoriented, and involuntarily turned solid again. Weebeejammin lost several fist-sized and smaller chunks off of his rock body. The already-hurt Sullivan Grungy took the greatest force of the bolt, and..... was killed.

But in Grungy's case, "killed" only meant that he would be gone for an unknown period of time, and then would reappear someplace in a new body, still ugly, but possibly with small differences in appearance. Only some sort of mythology-type thing would END his undead existence altogether.

The distant Mirror Merchant was keeping track of events, and retrieved his two remaining allies before Martin or his unknown rescuer could take any further action. The rescuer hurried to Martin's side. This was a young, very dark African-American man, wearing some kind of goggles.

"Mister Scalp! Are you all right? Your flame's gone out!"

Martin sat up, hands going to his head. "It's too early to tell, but I may now be the MOST all right I've been in years! Your timing was perfect, young man: you kept them from finishing me, but not BEFORE they, well, switched me off up here. So who are you?"

"My name is Jeffrey Pierson. I used to work at an electrical power station. But five weeks ago, a dramatic accident, a comicbook-origin kind of thing, injured me AND meta-humanized me. I've switched, no pun intended, to engineering work that I could do online from home. This enabled me to pretend I was disabled, when I really wasn't, as a secret-identity device."

"And your secret identity IS--??"

"I call myself Nonwhite Lightning. Because it sounded more inclusive. I'm just getting started as a superhero; thank God this place wasn't soaking wet when I cut loose. I haven't yet applied to join the Justified League. I accepted a disability pension for appearances, but I secretly arranged to return the money to the electric company, because it wasn't their fault that a comicbook-type thing happened, I still can earn a living, and I'm not really crippled. I was even able to afford this trip to Southeast Asia under an assumed regular name, so I don't have to play disabled while the trip lasts, and I've been able to get lots of dates with beautiful girls, both tourists and locals."

Martin stood upright. "That's not all you're getting, Nonwhite Lightning. You've got my enthusiastic endorsement for immediate acceptance into the League!" They did a double fist-bump, after which Nonwhite Lightning volunteered added information:

"Because my powers aren't genetic, not everything in my body is perfectly compatible with their effects in two areas. First, my eyes are dazzled when I shoot lightning, which is why I wear goggles to avoid being temporarily blind. Second, although electricity in itself can't hurt me any more than flame can hurt you, the heat GENERATED BY my lightning emissions can hurt me if I keep on shooting continuously for very long. But a low-voltage aura, just for light in darkness or a MILD shock to an antagonist, is harmless to me."

Just then, motorcycle cops came in view. "If you want to keep your hero-identity secret," whispered Martin, "let me do the talking. They already know who I am."

As for this, the officers WOULDN'T have been sure who Martin was, if his head and face had not still had the same skull-ish appearance. But they were prompt about helping him to send a report to the Justified League.
 
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By the time Noseypickus got a message through to the Boardroom of Owls, Hand-Eye, who was going by the name of Kung Su-Chi, was installed in a fourth-story room at Frankenstadt Tower, sharing it with Rattle-Sneak. The American bad-girl, with a security job awaiting her, would remain in this room after Miss Kung departed Britain. By means of the translation device, the two women were able to keep themselves amused by exchanging stories of their past crimes.

On the following day, they sat on either side of Kern MacLowry for an ultra-secret conference. A man referred to only as Black Bandanna spoke in French as a courtesy to Hand-Eye, while telling everyone present: "We anticipate the Americans bringing the spaceships back from the Tachyon Loop operation around sunset tomorrow, their time. Political consequences of this achievement cannot be predicted with certainty; but we have done all we can to influence those consequences in our own favor." Then he left his place at the front table, to walk up close to their metahuman guest.

"Mademoiselle Hand-Eye, I regret to inform you that your associate Sullivan Grungy has been killed-- to the extent that he even CAN be killed."

< < < < < < < < < < < <

The airliner flying the connecting leg from New Delhi to Phnom Penh was less than two hours short of destination, when an unconventional signal broke into the cockpit radio.

"Captain and crew, Flight 4885, this is Green Flashlight, acting for the Justified League. Do not be alarmed. I am latched onto the exterior of your fuselage. I am able to control air-pressure change, so I can enter your ship without causing harm to anyone on board. I will do so after you tell me that you have notified your passengers that there is no danger to them from this. They know who Green Flashlight is.

"The only persons on board your flight who are in danger individually are the newlyweds from Wyoming, Greg and Ruby Sutter. Enemies may be planning to ambush them. The Justified League has heroes on the ground already at Phnom Penh; but I'm here in case our enemies plan something affecting your airliner. My powers are specially suited to retaining both atmosphere and movement for you in the event of damage. If an explosive device is hidden in your baggage bay, I can encase it so it can't explode. Two minutes should be long enough to get your crew and passengers ready for me to join you inside."

Green Flashlight Mike Deep Swimmer was indeed well known. The fact that it was he coming aboard the plane did mostly quiet the fears of the passengers; and they had already realized that the passenger wearing a cowboy hat was a Justified League member. This was, however, something of a disruption to honeymoon plans.

"Darlin', I'm so sorry this had ta happen."

"Don't feel bad, Greg. I knew what I was getting into when I said 'I do'."

> > > > > > > > > > > > >

Before disembarking at the airport, Greg tugged the cleverly-inserted blacksnake whip out of his unusually baggy jeans. His guns would be a while passing through baggage inspection, even though his Justified League membership authorized him to carry them on the ground in almost every nation on Urth. Same for his knives. The whip, now coiled in his work-hardened hand, was better than nothing.

But everything seemed to be under control in Phnom Penh. Stellar Sapphire and Gleaming Knight were there, with Clean Hornet, Squire Vindictive and Petsarat Kingpavong loitering less conspicuously nearby. Standing near Sir Jasper's winged stallion was a black man whom Greg had never met or heard of. But Greg and Ruby would find out shortly who Nonwhite Lightning was; and it would not be long after this that they would find out why Atomic Scalp was remaining out of sight for the time being. They would learn very soon how their friend had been attacked, but only under secure conditions would they learn that Martin Alpert had apparently become both less dangerous to villains AND less dangerous to innocent civilians.
 
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Rhett McBride, who was the Clean Hornet, had earned his fortune developing business networks, to help companies find customers, employees, or partners for cooperative projects. Initially, his main competitor in this specialty had been a network known as Freightbook. But Freightbook's executives, smugly complacent in their importance, had felt entitled not simply to choose their subscribers, but to COMMAND their subscribers to manufacture, ship and sell ONLY products which those executives happened to like. Rhett had then earned a gigantic fortune by offering his identically-working referral service to every legitimate business Freightbook had banned.

Once his network "Opportunity Rocks" had built good momentum, Rhett had chosen a chief operations officer qualified to run all day-to-day business for the company. This hands-on leader was a certain Albert Pennysaver, formerly a butler for an extremely wealthy East Coast family, the Traynes, who were already clients of and investors in Opportunity Rocks. Bruce Trayne, eldest child of the patriarch and matriarch of the Traynes, had never suffered having his parents murdered, and so had not needed to be brought up by Albert Pennysaver. Albert had eventually left Trayne employ on the most amicable of terms, to accept the practical headship of Rhett's network. Bruce Crane had grown up to be a very decent man, who supported many deserving charities, but he had never become an elusive masked crimefighter.

That niche had been filled by the Clean Hornet, who was now in Cambodia in his masked persona, accompanied by Schuyler Vinson alias Squire Vindictive, whose disfigured face was often MISTAKEN FOR a mask. Schuyler was at least as strong as three normal men, but this was not the limit of his assets. In the event of any sort of mind-reading being encountered on the bad side, Schuyler was the man to put up front-- because NO ONE COULD read his mind unless he chose to let them. This was due to a sort of psychic scarring, resulting from his formerly being a tormented experimental subject for behavioral scientists belonging to the Boardroom of Owls. The Squire, accordingly, would be more than delighted to help stick a thumb in the eye of anyone serving the Crocodile Market, since that gang and the Boardroom of Owls were the same thing.

In Cambodia under the current circumstances, Clean Hornet had conceived a good idea how to reconcile the Sutters' honeymoon with an investigation of Asian evildoers. It was to commence AFTER Greg and Ruby were allowed to enjoy one long night together undisturbed. Being a nail-job expert was not a super-power, but it would give Ruby Sutter an "in" with wives, daughters, girlfriends and sisters of wealthy men.

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"Stella, should I get my nails colored to match what I'm wearing now, or to match that dress intended for tonight, which I showed you this morning?"

By "what I'm wearing now," Ruby of course did not mean the poncho and rain boots she had worn, wading the streets to find the nail shop of Kongkea Hurhua. This establishment had been recommended at the hotel.

The black-haired former villainess gazed warmly at the red-haired former airhead. "Since we didn't bring a photograph of that dress to show to Mrs. Hurhua, I say match your day outfit. Nails of that color should be an acceptable contrast with the evening dress. Especially if you have any jewelry colored like your day blouse, to reinforce the contrast of the nails with your gown."

Mrs. Hurhua's salon had been of interest, not only for its quality of nail jobs, but also for the QUANTITY of rumors which passed through it. You never knew what you might pick up if you DIDN'T appear too eager to learn secrets.
 
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Above Urth, the large and small Tachyon Loop starships materialized in high orbit. In Texas, they made a safe powered landing. The pilots Frankie and Ululani made it known as soon as they appeared that they were bringing Senphatorian visitors, and passed along the story that Superdude and Superhottie were patrolling star systems in Senphatori's neighborhood (which the pilots themselves believed to be true). Upon landing, they quickly introduced their passengers to the welcoming committee.

Charles Crazier, hovering near, could not pick up any sign of any of the new arrivals having any bad intentions-- because, in their current state, they DIDN'T have any bad intentions. Jimmy Ulcer, journalist friend of Superdude, hastened to interview Toblia Jadzug, a middle-aged Senphatorian woman who had been introduced as a historian of her world. Assume that Miss Jadzug was fluent in English, because narrative. And she had no objection to her conversation with Jimmy being videocorded.

"Academician Jadzug, thank you for agreeing to talk with me. On your own initiative, at your own discretion, what is the FIRST thing you would like to tell the people of Urth?"

She smiled, and assumed a lecturing pose with a sort of humorous self-parody. Jimmy liked her already; and if she had at this moment been released from all outside control, her amiable personality would still have been exactly what Jimmy was observing. Her conditioning was deep, and was awaiting one of several specific triggers which Princess Serrimu had planned for.

"Good morning, class. Appearances can be deceptive, as the notorious Skrunks proved to my people. But appearances today AREN'T deceptive. There is already one intermarriage between my people and yours; and medical science of both our planets promises that Proxima and Adam will be able to produce healthy and fertile offspring without any need for special intervention. You Urthlings also already know about the Green Flashlight Corps, whose membership includes many true humans from a variety of planets.

"The far-scattered human race is not the only sapient species, but we are a PROMINENT species; and the more our many branches find each other, the greater things we all can achieve."

"Wonderfully spoken, Academician! So here's my first question. What was the general state of mind of your people when someone on Senphatori FIRST began to speculate that space travel might be possible?"

"The speculation was closely linked with our early mythology. Adam Straightup has long since explained to us how some-- eccentric?-- Urthians used to insist that every achievement of your own ancient history was 'really' the work of super-duper space aliens, and that such aliens were the ONLY 'gods' anyone could ever hope to meet. The same with us. There was even a book published along these lines on Senphatori almost a century ago; its title could be rendered in English as 'Covered Wagons of the Gods.' But most of our people today, and I hope yours likewise, comprehend the two-sided truth. On one hand, there IS a Creator, Who is eternally superior to any flesh-and-blood sapient race. On the other hand, regular mortals like us, without requiring any intervention by super-duper space aliens, can do great deeds."
 
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Next, we drop in on "Federal Earth," the Earth-variant based on "Starship Troopers." I remind readers that this world was recently saved from the threat of being conquered by "Dune"-derived bad guys. Prominent in the save were my versions of Thor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Poe Dameron.

The Lazytaxie Face Twisters who had tried to pass as authority figures from Federal Earth were being put to forced labor at various locales in the South America of Federal Earth. Brigadier Earl Pufferton of the Human Federation had telepathically extracted the scientific knowledge of Tupragon the low-level Naughtygator; now Tupragon was being required to assist in development projects, aimed at improving star-flight as much as would be possible without having access to a natural source of The Jalapeno.

Local biochemistry experts had managed to synthesize the Jalapeno-based nutrient-gas which kept the fully-mutated Naughtygators alive. But these prisoners explained (and Earl Pufferton discerned them to be telling the truth in this matter) that although the locally-made gas would sustain their lives, it was not perfect enough to sustain their interstellar pathfinding ability. So the government suspended indefinitely any attempt to produce working duplicates of the Spaced-Out Guild's gigantic starliners, but would continue to try partial adoption of the Naughtygator technology, while placing a higher priority on the ship types used by the Republic of Lots of Worlds.

Benito Javier of the system defense force was among those Federation personnel staying on the Naughtygator adaptation project, while the other development path received the attention of not only our Star Wars-ish characters, but also the Thor-comicbook-ish characters. And since that last category included the noble warrior Hoodunnit the Pensive (this appellation was a way of NOT saying "Depressed and Gloomy"), Lieutenant Lydia Jawad of the Movable Infantry moved Federal Heaven and Federal Earth to keep herself attached to the non-Jalapeno-driven spaceflight research.

Thorpe, Lady Sniff, Vastbulk and Fratbro all thought well of the lovestruck lieutenant. While not daring to intercede openly in her favor, they silently rooted for Lydia to succeed in her pursuit of their friend..... provided that she and Hoodunnit could both deal with the fact that unless the Hallpasscardian man died by violence within the next twenty Earth-years, the difference in their lifespans would thereafter make itself keenly felt.

Well, make that the next thirty or forty Earth-years, if Lydia could receive Hallpasscardian life-extending treatments. But Hoodunnit would still face the strong likelihood of being widowed with relative quickness.

Make that "being widowed AGAIN"-- which is another story.
 
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