Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Doctor Uberkwack stayed close to Greensodd at every stage of examining Jelisaveta's "wired" face. So did Flying Elephant, who told the alien scientist early on: "Just remember, I am now the retroactive son-in-law of Jelisaveta's parents. I was deprived of getting to know them because YOUR invasion stole them from Jalisaveta and me. But their spirits will enjoy some consolation if they know she has been cured of any destructive effects from those, coils, filaments, whatever."

Two days later, Greensodd had good news for Arush.

"Doctor Uberkwack has confirmed that the inserts in your partner's face do not, WILL not, cause her any harm. Their passive-receptor function will indeed empower her to sense electromagnetic energy that is invisible to her eyes. But there is a further benefit rooted in this enablement.

"The history of your own Earth-variant has its own Michael Faraday and Samuel Morse. And unlike Original Earth, your Earth now has a wireless-- that is, 'wireless' in the usual sense of the term-- telegraphic receiver who WALKS AROUND. Jelisaveta needs only to learn Morse code, and she will be able to receive messages that no inquisitive antagonist will know to search for. So if she accompanies you on future adventures, friends far away will have a private channel to pass news to her and to you."

"How does she feel about this new ability?" Arush demanded.

"She says that she would have been afraid of failure if she had been made super-strong, but this new capability seems to be within her potential. She'll try to be helpful to you."

(YOUR AUTHOR REMINDS YOU THAT "EARTH-WHICHEVER," PRIOR TO THE SUCCESSFUL DEFENSE AGAINST TWERPSEID, WAS NOT AS FAR ADVANCED IN SCIENCE AS ORIGINAL EARTH. SO THE USE OF MORSE CODE IS NOT SO OLD-FASHIONED FOR ARUSH AND JELISAVETA AS FOR US.)
 
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On a beach at the Kibralo Sea:

Rearing high above the surf, the eighty-foot-long Nightmare Eel finally gave up trying to devour Whiskey Dallas, and spat her onto the shore. Although the black beauty's voice had been drowned out when the monster swallowed her, the fact that she still was moving her mouth and THINKING of the song counted as her singing, so she had remained indestructible.

Running up to her, Elvira Stierman, the wife and mother of a family which had stood beside Whiskey in her defense of Illinois, marveled: "Your clothes aren't even affected! And there's no stink from the monster!" At the time when Rockford, Illinois was attacked, Elvira's husband Karl and their son Jeff, armed with hunting guns, had accompanied their family's super-dog into the battle, with Whiskey Dallas as their leader. The dog, a golden retriever named Tin Rin Rin, had intuitively known in advance the exact spot where the evil space aliens would land; and hundreds of other noble heroic dogs had joined him in action, giving the enemy a surprise almost as unpleasant as the surprise of their weapons being useless against the beautiful singer.

Among the onlookers at this demonstration of the non-violent Whiskey's immunity to violence were two mutually-devoted friends and apartment-mates: Lieutenant-Colonel Irina Beriya from the Soviet Union (which still existed on Earth-Whichever, but which was doomed to have reforms forced upon it after the recent events), and Tapidri Drifla, the blue-skinned former War Witch who had been led to the side of good by She-Hunk. Irina said to everyone within hearing: "I'm convinced! There's no one better than Miss Dallas to command a friendship-outreach mission to the Earth called Urth."

Applause followed, after which Tin Rin Rin barked once. Jeff said to the singer: "Miss Dallas, Tin Rin Rin just said that you need to bring him to Urth with you, because he psychically foresees that you'll have important use for a dog hero on the mission. For one thing, no matter what languages are spoken on that alternate world, Tin Rin Rin will instinctively understand everything that anyone says to you."

"I would like to go also," said Tapidri, "especially if Irina can come as well. Seeing her and me together, with obvious mutual affection, and both of us getting along well with Miss Dallas, will show those other humans that we represent a society which DOESN'T hate everyone that's different."
 
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TRYING ANOTHER NEW APPROACH TO SUMMARIES: I will now tell what was in the final story-post on each page. Whenever I mention characters who WERE NOT simply made up by me, I will refer to them by their original-source names. For example, my "Harpy Grinn" will be referred to as Harley Quinn.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

1: The Admiral from "Spaceballs," having escaped from the good guys, is joining up with the Harkonnens from the Dune series.

2: On "Seedubb Earth," Batman, Catwoman and Huntress react happily to Harley Quinn turning good.

3: Harley (who was helped to her conversion by Doctor Strange and Zatanna) willingly marries Alfred the Butler.

4: Ahsoka Tano and Hera Syndulia are at Babylon Five, and are investigating evil influences there.

5: A Dune-series Tleilaxu Face Dancer infiltrates the home solar system of Princess Vespa.

6: "Dune" heroine Lady Jessica, with her grandchildren, pressures hostile Navigators to serve the side of good.

7: The characters from the old TV show "Space 1999" are helped by Green Lantern Lucy Luminous.

8: On "Urth," we learn about Vigilante's relationships with his estranged girlfriend Ruby, with fellow hero Shining Knight, and with Atomic Skull who has joined the side of good.

9: A Face Dancer who infiltrated Seedubb has been captured, and is guarded by Nightwing and the masked wrestler Luchador Hidalgo.

~ ~ ~ ~ MORE TO COME.
 
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10} My version of Stephen King's gunslinger-knight Roland of Gilead is befriended by soldiers in the land of Bamulica.

11} In the Africa of "Terra," Shazam was tampered with mentally, and now panics at the sight of an enemy.

12} After some Justice League scenes, we rejoin Roland in the land of Hukshem, where he hopes to enlist some padawan-equivalents.

13} On Babylon Five, Zack Allen talks with Grogu and Hera Syndulia; Hera feels attracted to Zack.

14} After some He-Man stuff, it's back to Roland again, as he confers with female gunslinger Jillian Shard.

15} Multiple Green Lanterns, including the canonical John Stewart, join in defending "Earth-Whichever" against Darkseid's army.

16} On Earth-Whichever, singer Whitney Houston DIDN'T die tragically; instead, she has become a superhero.

17} Galactus menaces the "Space 1999" cast on Planet Latterdawn, but is slain by Starfire.

18} After scenes with Mace Windu and the Mandolorian, I introduce my version of She-Ra, who has NOT been ruined.

19} Erica Vincent, a side-of-good undead being derived from "The Crow," drained power from Darkseid and Steppenwolf, then transferred their power to her husband Preston; Preston now becomes King of Apokalips.

20} Dark Helmet, having previously escaped from prison, is attempting a halfway honest life on the colony planet Freesoil.

21} Back in the Africa of "Terra," ANOTHER Harley Quinn, also converted to goodness, helps the Blackhawks to deal with a Skrull invasion.

22} Some other Green Lanterns, including the canonical Killiwog, visit Planet Jinobrid in order to educate the people there.

23} On Urth, the Court of Owls plans cooperation with Asian super-villains I invented; one of these is Emir Efreet.

24} On Punksteema, Roland of Gilead and his apprentices investigate the origins of the sort-of zombie plague.

25} Leto the Second, son of Paul Atreides, is developing new starships, and receives news of Lone Starr's doings on Seedubb.

26} On Babylon Five, people of the Brakiri race help Earthforce to improve its own ships.

27} After some Batman stuff, it's Babylon Five again, where the character Jake Mosovich from John Ringo's "Posleen War" novels is visiting.

28} Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three, with Obi-Wan Kenobi and Poe Dameron, are on the version of Earth from "Starship Troopers."
 
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In the New York City of "Terra," lawyer Mutt Muckrake was taking a long-desired break from lawyering, to hit the streets in costume and be Dreadfuldevil for a while. His Manhattan didn't have the exact same Central Park as on Original Earth, but its version of Battery Park was much larger as if to compensate.

On three separate occasions in Battery Park within this one night, he caught men attempting to commit an especially despicable kind of crime which The Dancing Lawn would rather not discuss. The criminals were not treated gently by The Man Without Phobias; they were GLAD to be turned over to the cops when he was done with them. The innocent would-be victims were boundlessly grateful to Dreadfuldevil. Mutt was delighted to have been able to rescue them; but the fact that there had been a NEED FOR such rescuing made him feel as if he had had to muck out a stable -- which was a comparison that often came to his mind, because of his own last name. So he stayed out longer than he had at first intended, hoping to stumble upon a less traumatic opportunity for good-deed-doing.

It showed up in the classical form of a lost, orphaned kitten, who was feebly, despairingly mewing with the last of her tiny strength. (Yes, Dreadfuldevil's metahuman sensory acuity could tell the difference between a male kitten mewing and a female kitten mewing.) This would not be his first animal rescue; in one of his utility pouches, he carried a squeeze-bulb of shelf-stable baby-mammal formula. Soon the kitten was carefully lifted in his hands, and found herself nursing.

While carrying the feeding creature, Dreadfuldevil used his enhanced sense of smell to back-track the way she had come. He was rewarded by hearing an even fainter, more hopeless mew. The second kitten had tried to defend his sister and himself against some loathsome cruel-to-animals type of person, and had gotten very badly hurt. The sadistic brute had no idea how lucky he was that Dreadfuldevil DIDN'T know where he was. But the half-dead male kitten was also lucky: the superhero had with him a modest supply of a magical healing potion provided by the good wizard Conn Johstantine.

Conn called it his Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Stayin' Alive Potion. It did not instantly heal injuries or poisoning, but it would keep an injured or poisoned person or animal alive TO recover. A very small dose, administered with the feeding syringe, was enough to prevent the male kitten from dying and to reduce his pain. Then Mutt Muckrake started for home with two purring passengers.

His assistant Sherri Subpoena would help him to manage round-the-clock feeding for the helpless little creatures. He would have to wait until the next post to discover the special significance of his finding them. Or maybe the post AFTER next, so I can keep the READERS waiting a bit.
 
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Since Dreadfuldevil was the only superhero based FULL time in the New York City of Terra, there was plenty of space available for non-superpowered heroes to make their own footprints. And one set of footprints was combined with HOOF-prints. The maker of the human tracks here was ready to come on duty about one hour after Mutt Muckrake belatedly got to sleep.

(Mutt's repose had been delayed further by the need to give the kittens a repeat feeding. He would have to ask Sherri Subpoena to keep the little sweeties in the office for the working day.)

Sergeant Denise MacFogg was a sergeant specifically of mounted police in Staten Island. New York on Terra had the same boroughs as New York on Original Earth; and it was joked that, by being in Staten the westernmost borough, Denise could still be in the Wild West. She had been the under-sheriff of a county called "Fictitious County," in Arizona not far from the White Mountain Apache reservation. In early 2018, somebody in the Arizona state legislature had conceived the idea of asking New York City to hold a police exchange. Denise had said she wanted to be the first swap-cop from Arizona under this program-- provided she could serve as a mounted officer.

This had been approved, and Denise had justified her new billet in Staten Island: first by showing how well she related with horses, and secondly by nabbing an arsonist. This arrest had precipitated her climb back up from beat-cop status. All the while, she would hear at intervals about the exploits of Dreadfuldevil; but he worked in Manhattan and sometimes the Bronx. On an Earth without superheroes, she would have been quick to denounce him for his "reckless" actions. But she lived on the same planet as Captain Sha-Na-Na, Wholesome Vine, Sky Lioness, Kimchee Man, Winter Trooper, Green Dart, and the Brickhawks. Dreadfuldevil was no worse than those others, and Denise occasionally met citizens whose lives had been saved by The Man Without Phobias.

During the day watch that immediately followed Mutt Muckrake's kitten rescue, Denise and her sturdy mare were detailed to take a statement from the owner of.... a pet-supply store. The merchant was named Rashid Razgu; though raised Muslim, he was sufficiently secularized that he had no problem with dogs, or with female police officers. After showing Denise how the door to his shop had been forced, and standing by while she dusted for fingerprints, Rashid spoke at some length:

"If you look at my pet-food shelves, you'll see that it appears none of the inventory there was taken. Various pet-related items which would have been easy to carry away, and which could have been sold on the street, were also left untouched. My safe was cracked, and the money was removed, but I believe that the thieves bothered with my money only to DISGUISE their actual purpose."

"And this purpose would be what?"

Rashid plucked a bag of dry dog food from a shelf. "You probably recognize this brand name; the same company also makes products for the care of horses like yours. But if you look at the small-print side labeling, you'll see that it names THE WRONG CITY as the place of manufacture. And the ingredients list is full of misspellings. The thieves, in fact, DID steal my entire pet food supply..... and REPLACED IT with something else. I have no idea why they would want to do that, but they did it."
 
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Mutt Muckrake didn't have to worry that keeping a police radio monitor in his law office would compromise his secret identity. Any lawyer, plainly and simply as a lawyer, could legitimately take an interest in the doings of law enforcement. If at any time neither Mutt nor Sherri was free to listen to this radio, their new paralegal hire Neal Stamos might be free to listen.

It was Neal who heard Sergeant MacFogg's report of pet food in a store being unaccountably replaced by something else. Young as he was, Neal had heard some horrible things, because New York City; but this incident was the most PUZZLING crime-related report he had ever heard. So, being alone in the office at the moment (and yes, he was also helping with the two kittens), he sent voicemails to both Mutt and Sherri, describing what he had heard. Half an hour later, a text came back from his boss: As soon as you finish your work on the Feldon brief, take a cab to Staten and visit that store. Tell the owner that we've suddenly acquired some lost kittens, and want the best for them, which is true. Say that you heard he's considered a top-tier pet-supply retailer, which also is true. Don't volunteer to Mister Razgu the information that you know what happened to him, but don't lie to him. What happened to his business won't prevent us from placing an order with him, for kitten food and supplements which can be shipped to our office. And maybe HE will volunteer some information to US.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

No pet food was on the shelves when the paralegal arrived, though other types of products were in stock.

"Your visit is the first good news I've had this week," Rashid Razgu told Neal. "My computer has not been hacked; I can set up your purchase within five minutes, once you select which products you want." The merchant looked out his window before he continued: "There's already gossip that I wanted to poison every customer's pets, even though I myself TOLD the policewoman what happened to my store."

"That," replied Neal, "is a separate issue from the burglary. If you find yourself confronted with slander and harassment, you might need a lawyer. Here's our card."

Rashid looked at the proffered business card, and his eyes widened. "MUTT MUCKRAKE?? That's the attorney you work for? He's the best of the best. I'm not sure I could afford to say 'Good morning' to him!"

"But Mister Muckrake sometimes takes pro bono cases. And exactly because yours is so unusual a case, Mister Muckrake will want to have a window on it. His being an attorney for the crime victim, especially if he serves you for free, will benefit you, and our firm will benefit by a better chance of obtaining police information on your case. It's a win-win."
 
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At her lunch break the next day, Denise MacFogg fed her police mare some alfalfa from a produce market. No, she had not taken it from the vendor by intimidation, she had paid for it. This was a civilized version of New York City, not Gotham City before Batman took charge. A passing mother with five children and a German shepherd approached Denise. The next-oldest of the children, a nine-year-old girl, patted the horse's snout, then asked, "Officer, do you like other animals besides your horse?"

"Yes, I do, miss. I like your dog, for sure;" and she patted the tail-wagging dog. Suddenly, an impulse made the policewoman ask a question: "Have you seen anything strange happen with animals lately?"

It was the mother who replied, looking at the German shepherd. "Lancelot here has acted worried many times this month. Whines, growls, looks out the windows and so on. He still is himself, loves us all as much as we love him; but he seems to think that something's wrong in the neighborhood."

"Did you ever see anything unusual yourselves when Lancelot was agitated?"

Mother and kids went into a huddle: not exactly hiding what they said from Denise, more like making sure they didn't omit anything. At last the nine-year-old daughter told the policewoman: "Three or four of the times he tensed up, there was music playing on the street someplace. It sounded like synth-pop. Like this;" and she hummed a melody.

"Your dog doesn't seem to mind you humming it," Denise observed. "Of course, he can tell it's you humming, and YOU don't upset him."

"Maybe it was something about the electronic tones," offered the mother.

Denise patted the dog again. "Would you mind my recording your description of this?"

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
 
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Not long after these events, Major Tarik Almohad, the Moroccan army officer who was now keeping company with a chastened and slimmed-down Hamhanda Blubber, had something he wanted to report to superheroes. He could and did easily contact the super-heroine Sky Lioness, along with Assegai, Winter Trooper and Carly Shedd; but with the Skrunk incursion apparently defeated, Conn Johnstantine, Kestrel, Wholesome Vine, The Inquiry, the Brickhawks and Sha-Na-Na had all returned to America.

The topnotch counterspy Assegai (formerly called Javelin, until a Warner Brothers movie was released on Original Earth with a character by that name) was much into networking; he provided the Major with a way to contact Tolliver Crane, alias Green Dart, because Mister Crane had networks of his own. So Tarik Almohad messaged Green Dart. The substance of his message was this:

"The Assegai referred me to you. A situation has been developing in and around Marrakesh, which seems to have begun months ago, but which didn't get much attention while the Skrunks were still an active threat to humanity. Respectable suppliers of food and other necessities for domestic animals, mainly horses, donkeys and camels, have suffered subtle tampering with their inventory. Just yesterday, we heard from Tunisia and Algeria that they've seen similar incidents. No deadly effects have emerged, but many animals have shown odd changes in behavior. As far as can be determined by Moroccan law enforcement, no still-uncaught Skrunks are behind this; but Sky Lioness turned up something.

"Birds with whom the Lioness communes have seen strange humans or humanoids-- but not resembling the unchanged form of Skrunks-- appearing and disappearing, at locations close to animal-supply warehouses. Amanda conjectures that whoever these people are, they may have the use of a Starhatch, like the one she used in her former scheming which was nearly the end of her."

Green Dart acknowledged this, and promised Major Almohad some assistance within the week. He would be in on it himself. Since returning from West Africa, he had acquired a dart rifle and a dart pistol, similar to the ones used by the African game wardens. With forces of evil upping the ante recently, it seemed really dumb to keep on just throwing darts by hand.

Because Terra had no Batman-variant to have a Bat-Computer, the similarly-affluent Green Dart filled this niche in superhero ecology. Running a search for American good guys who spoke Arabic, he noticed two outstanding individuals in New York City: the costumed hero Dreadfuldevil, and the uniformed horsewoman Denise MacFogg. Dreadfuldevil's secret identity was not in Green Dart's database, but Sergeant MacFogg's family had hosted a Moroccan girl as an exchange student when the Sergeant had been a highschool junior.

Now to inquire if these two good guys were available for an adventure. It wouldn't hurt to have The Inquiry sign on besides, with his mysterious finding-things-out gift.

>>>> NEXT, WE WILL SEE ANOTHER SERIES OF ONE-POST EPISODES.
 
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Your author confesses to having forgotten that he created TWO versions of Green Arrow. The neglected one, Alister Quade alias Green Crossbow, lived on Seedubb Earth: specifically, in Startled City, which was a close equivalent of Seattle on Original Earth. Unlike Terra's Green Dart, Green Crossbow had a definite sweetheart, indeed a fiancee. Miss Fertility Stoke, the sort of beautiful woman who only looked MORE beautiful by wearing glasses, worked as a one-person science department for Alister. And since they were not literally television characters on Original Earth's CW Network, they had a SUCCESSFUL relationship, on a steady course toward lasting marriage.

Since I haven't mentioned Groan Starr and Vixen for a while, I say here that they spent some time in Startled City, in part because the climate in Washington State pleasantly reminded the Princess of parts of her native planet. Vixen went on two epic shopping trips with Fertility, and Groan Starr tagged along with Alister on a few criminal-catching excursions.

The readers are now urged to assume that Green Crossbow and Fertility have been involved in the search for Marysuefire and Goldfinch all along. More will be related about them, and about the search, in a later post.
 
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Some readers may have forgotten that, in MY story-reality, my version of Anakin Skywalker DID have better sense than a garden slug. When Order Pick-Up-Sticks was issued in an attempt to wipe out all up-side Fuss users, my "Acne-Skin" DIDN'T suddenly decide that murdering children was cool. Instead, he sided WITH Master Yoga-Rug, Mopey-One Kanoli, Moose Windchime, Nonsmoka Tiptoe, Plow Korn, and my totally-made-up Fuss heroine Zubdookree. Because of this, my "Spaceballs" reality DIDN'T become the Empire of the actual Star Wars movies; and my take on Dark Helmet in "Spaceballs" WASN'T Acne-Skin, but someone different altogether. Acne-Skin was genuinely dead, so couldn't become Dark Headgear; but he had died honorably, defeating Emperor Porkanbeen.

Because her beloved had never turned evil, Poormee Armadillo did not die of grief. Acne-Skin had left an unstained legacy of heroism which his children would learn about, and the gallant lady senator could carry on with her life on Planet Kantpoo. The twins, Duke and Dana, were not separated, and both had Fuss training available. Fans of the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, however, need to accept that Duke was never going to become a weak, disgraced loser, and his sister WASN'T able to mop up the floor with him in ten seconds.

Kantpoo, and other worlds like it, still faced a threat from Grand Admiral Thuglife Skrawn; but this was nowhere near as bad as it would have been if Skrawn had had any serious counterpart of canonical Darth Vader to lead him. Poormee Armadillo, like Green Crossbow on Seedubb Earth, will be seen in future posts.

\\\\\\\\\\\ Four years later comes a RETCON, which doesn't change much, but which adds a detail to satisfy my desire for completeness. In addition to everything already stated, I now say that ACNE-SKIN ARRIVED IN TIME TO KEEP HIS MOTHER ALIVE. Being able to bring her home caused him to be EVEN LESS embittered, and gave the twins EVEN MORE of a wholesome family life.

There's a cheerful irony in the fact that the post below this one mentions Ringjonn Earth. BEFORE having inserted this Retcon, I had just decided to revisit THAT storyline. I'll be using characters whose visiting Ringjonn Earth won't ruin anything. And now I return to 2026.
 
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IN THE SUB-REALITY BASED ON "BABYLON FIVE"---

Master Drool's projected image had gone scouting for Thuglife Skrawn's fleet and landing force, and had found that this remnant of the Empire of Evil Badness, in company with beastly Barnsmell warriors from the "Ringjonn Earth" sub-reality, was on its way to assault a defenseless human colony, known as Defenselessville. You know, because villains. The planet on which the young colony stood was called Nonprotectico, and it orbited a star called Deathtrap Major.

The Earthlyforce destroyer Aggiemarbelon, captained by Constance Tilbury from J.M.S. Earth, was the only human-built ship so far to have received the planned Star Wars-ish upgrades, but Master Drool and Noherra Synthmusica deemed it ready for action. This included the crew having learned how the new functions worked. Six Mintcandybarri fighter craft which were available would screen the two human-commanded ships on the mission.

Anflaktikshok Rangers. led by the Mintcandybarri cleric Kolaklop, would embark on the now-armed transport ship Queen Yessa, captained by Woodrow Ackerman, the man who had saved a Braykpedduli woman's life and ended up marrying her for love. Sergeant-Major Jacob Mossyhutch of the Long Distance Infantry from Ringjonn Earth would be with the Anflaktikshok, bringing his absurdly lethal gravity-gun. This elite ground-combat force had missed the chance to catch the vicious Barnsmell on the planet where they had mustered, but would be deployed to intercept any surface assault on Defenselessville.

Noherra Synthmusica, with Snack Salad and several of Bubblewrap Five's security police, would also be part of the ground defense, using plasma rifles from the station. They didn't want Jacob to be the ONLY good guy on the ground who could shoot. Gross-Goo would not be on the ground, because he still was a little squeamish about killing; but from the destroyer's bridge, he would reach out and interfere with enemy ships' controls telekinetically.

At the latest possible moment before setting out, Noherra and Snack were lawfully married by clergy. They weren't picky by this point; their wedding was performed by a priest named Exeter Exxentrik, who had purchased his credentials remotely from The Church of I'm Spiritual, Not Religious. The honeymoon would have to wait until after a batch of innocent colonists were saved from being eaten alive by the Barnsmell.

 
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On Jersey Earth (birthplace of Green Flashlight John Stewmeat, who still was away from home, recuperating from near-fatal injuries he had suffered on Earth-Whichever), in that planet's version of the Zambian capital of Lusaka, a one-eyed cyclopean Heart Sapphire Sister named Vilkarezdu was facilitating a discussion group for children and teenagers. As usual, people's feelings were the subject. She had given them incentive to attend by conjuring up some food which was more appetizing than the Sisterhood's nourishing but dull porridge. Moreover, she permitted outside food to be brought, provided it was shared.

An ambitious fourteen-year-old girl named Hatari brought a quantity of cooked reptile meat, from lizards and snakes. She did scrupulously share it around. Just before she joined the group, the discussion had been dwelling heavily on subjectivism: the belief that one's inward FEELINGS can actually decide what reality is. One of the loudest advocates of subjectivism was an eleven-year-old boy named Carter.

As soon as he saw what Hatari was offering, Carter pounced on a hunk of lizard flesh. Hatari said to him, "Carter, it's fine with me for you to eat some of the meat-- but didn't you tell us yesterday that you were a strict vegan?"

"Of course I'm a vegan," the boy replied around the mouthful he was chewing. "This is my WAY of being a vegan."

"Good boy!" exclaimed Vilkarezdu. "You have claimed your inner truth!"
 
On Planet Greedy Crime, Baron Meedi Ogre Snarkonnen and his Lazytaxie advisor Doctor Dizwarn had judged the coast to be clear, and had returned to their quarters. No heroes were present to punish them; but for the first time in centuries, there was a PROTEST MARCH against the Snarkonnen regime.

Many of the marchers carried banners or placards which said: "THE OUTSIDERS GAVE US CLEAN WATER! WHAT HAVE YOU GIVEN US??"

"Shall we kill them, Lord Baron?" asked a palace-guard officer. "They have no means to fight back."

"I'd like to, but I'm afraid that some crowd of superheroes will come here and kill ME in retribution."

"I see your point, my lord. But we could simply give some of them non-life-threatening flesh wounds in their left shoulders."

"Hmmm, yes, we can get away with that much. Proceed with tyrannical oppression."

END SERIES OF ONE-POST EPISODES.
 
In the "Justified League" sub-universe:

When they weren't weakened by an ambient-light imbalance weighted to red light, Superdude and Superhottie could go for many days without eating at all, because comic books. But nothing like a flesh-and-blood organic living thing, unless empowered by actual magic, could survive long-term without some organic nourishment.

Corky and his cousin Clara were still in their Senphatorian prison, saturated with red light from triply-redundant systems, But even if the human residents of Senphatori had not been decent people, Block Atom and Princess Serrimu didn't want the Tonkrypian cousins to die. They wanted Corky and Clara to join the cause of tyranny. So the Supers were fed, cared for, and allowed to see visitors. Not that the new rulers of Senphatori would let anyone visit the captives who WASN'T a supporter of the new administration.

"Do you have eggs on Urth?" asked a matronly lady named Gabladega, wheeling in a catering cart.

"Yes, and almost everyone eats them," replied Clara.

"Sometimes I cook them with my heat-vision," Corky added.

"Then eat hearty, friends. We had a lottery among schoolchildren planet-wide for the privilege of meeting you. The first six winners will be arriving for their visit in two hours."

The children's visit went well; as far as the captive cousins could tell, all of the children were happy to have Block and Serrimu "guiding" society all over this planet. Trying to persuade these children to help with an escape attempt would do no one any good. Unless a big lucky break occurred, the cousins would have to hope for outside help. The League, after all, should eventually wonder what had become of them, and both Urth's Green Flashlight and Stellar Sapphire would be able to get out here very quickly to investigate.

The Senphatorians had high enough technology that they MIGHT be able to damage Block Atom in an open fight, but this was not to be depended on. And although Block Atom apparently had not slain anyone here so far, he was not one to play fair if he felt himself to be in danger.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
 
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In the Toledo, Ohio of Urth, the Justified League maintained a small campus where conventional police officers could practice working with metahuman good guys. Just now, instructors from four Midwestern police academies were stationed here as facilitators, with super-heroine Black Parakeet currently overseeing activities. Green Flashlight Mike Deep Swimmer was a guest lecturer from time to time.

AT THIS POINT, your author wishes to clear the air on a small matter. The Original-Earth comicbook character Black Canary was a blonde-haired white woman, but the 21st-century movie "Birds of Prey" had ruled that having the WORD "black" in her hero-name required the woman to BE black. Reflecting this change-- and all in the will of AsaLion, Who had always foreknown what stories would be told by mortals-- the woman called Black Parakeet on Urth, born Caucasian, had been able since pre-adolescence to CHANGE her skin and hair pigment. She has not really been shown in action in this serial, but let it be retroactively established that her appearance-flexibility had served her well in crimefighting. A favorite routine of hers was to go out wearing a reversible jacket, be seen walking around in one of her two pigment choices, enter a public restroom, reverse her jacket, switch to the opposite pigmentation, and leave the restroom as apparently a different person.

Every news outlet in and around Toledo sent reporters and camera crews to the campus when it was discovered that some of the persons lately arrived from Senphatori would be visiting Ohio. The Urth-native space pilots, Frankie Chiang of Singapore and Miss Ululani Atuf of Libya, were going to give talks at several colleges around the state. Some of the Senphatorians, led by Toblia Jadzug who was their equivalent of a university professor, would visit the training site where Black Parakeet was.

Assume that here as elsewhere, characters have the means to bridge language barriers, because plotline convenience.

The ranking police officer present, Captain Rodrigo Urielos of the Ohio State Police, was single and had a secret crush on Black Parakeet, but was all business when he welcomed the important visitors. He was intrigued to discover that the eldest of the Senphatori visitors to the campus, a man who answered to the name of Dobbish Buckloddler, had served many years as a judge of criminal law.

"Tell us, Judge Buckloddler, what is the prevailing stance in your world's jurisprudence where presumption of innocence is concerned?"

"That presumption, Captain Urielos, is vital in all criminal courts on Senphatori. And no level of technology can altogether eliminate it. Although we have no natural telepaths like your Charles Crazier, we do have plug-in brain-scanners, which obviously go a long way toward exposing perjurers; but these are not allowed to be the absolute last word. It could happen that someone hostile to an accused person secretly tampers with the brain-scanner, so as to make the defendant APPEAR to be lying when he was really speaking the truth. Or it could happen that the defendant is confused about certain facts, or confused about their implications, with the result that a judge or a jury-- yes, we have juries too-- might draw mistaken conclusions from what the defendant says while under oath."

Captain Urielos clapped the older man's shoulder in a comradely fashion. "I'm so glad to hear you say that! Here on Urth, we have an unfortunate phenomenon called 'trial by media,' in which a well-known person may be ASSUMED GUILTY of a given crime, just because people don't like him."
 
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Meanwhile, unaware of any looming perils worse than what they already knew of, Dmitri and Lumina decided they should also head for Southeast Asia, where Atomic Scalp had been assaulted. Scalpie was back at Justified League headquarters, where doctors would try to determine whether ANYTHING about his change WASN'T good for him. Greg and Ruby were in Cambodia, with some other heroes keeping an eye on them; Jasper and Stella would go and reinforce this presence.

With them went a middle-aged Senphatori couple-- yes, manipulated secretly by Serrimu Calamari's "Chatter" influence, but this wasn't their fault-- named Kothlink and Falorsi, who had lived in the equatorial zone of their planet. Cambodia sounded to them like a perfect vacation getaway. Kothlink had fought against the Skrunks when they invaded Senphatori, and Falorsi had helped administer a prison for those evil aliens. The two couples had plenty of stories to tell each other on a commercial flight to Bangkok. And by the time they reached Bangkok Airport with a full load of jet lag, the Laotian boxer Petsarat Kingpavong was there to meet them, keeping Clean Hornet apprised of their doings.

Justified League membership gave Dmitri the dancing Cossack special dispensation to carry a long kinzhal dagger. His wife, the Aluminum Banshee, carried her weapon in her larynx. But Tapper Cossack, as Dmitri was officially called in the League, had another string to his bow as well. Once the travelers were on the rain-washed tarmac, Dmitri began vigorously dancing all around the other disembarking passengers. That's "around" insomuch as he splashed along a curved line which passed around the outside of the spreading crowd of travelers, as if he were creating a magic barrier to protect them all from harm.

Which in fact was what he WAS doing.

Dmitri's most remarkable power was that whenever he danced, everybody near him immediately desired to dance also-- unless they had some life-and-death necessity requiring their attention, or were already in the midst of doing violence. Any evildoers nearby who were NOT already committed to a course of aggressive action, would find it nearly impossible to begin such action while Dmitri was dancing within their sight.

Travelers and workers in about a 200-foot radius, if not fully engaged in something else of extreme importance, began splash-dancing. Your narrator assures you that anyone driving an airfield shuttle, carrying a baby or a breakable object, or pushing somebody in a wheelchair, was allowed to get by with slow, graceful nodding and swaying. But at two points outward from Dmitri Leonidovich Tarasov, men hearing Tapper Cossack's cheerful shouts acted highly agitated...... and dropped garrotte cords they had been carrying.

Observant airport cops moved in fast to make the arrests. It turned out later that the two strangler-assassins had not been here for any reason connected with the Justified League. They had been assigned to murder a businessman who was enroute to testify against their gang at a major felony trial in Phnom Penh. But though not themselves acting against the League, they were members of a gang which did business with the Super-Gang of Naughty Persons, Asian Branch.

The arrival of additional superheroes in Cambodia had been foreseen by the evil psychic Noseypickus, but it was Mirror Merchant who witnessed the way Dmitri prevented an assassination.
 
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Being an expert biker as well as an expert equestrian, Greg "Vigilant Cowboy" Sutter bought a sidecar motorcycle from a dealer known to Petsarat Kingpavong. But he had it placed in storage, because the rainy season still was in full downpour.

Draped in their ponchos, the Sutters cruised a series of shops, buying various knick-knacks which they eventually placed in the same rented storage shed as the motorcycle. After an early supper at their hotel, and without checking out from it (their suite was paid ahead for four more days), they decided to take a northwest-bound train to the city of Battambang. Ruby had been intrigued to hear that Battambang was home to several impressive art galleries. Even in the Cambodia on Original Earth, where the Marxist Pol Pot had murdered more than a million of his own people AFTER they surrendered to him, the arts community in Battambang had recovered with time. The Battambang on Urth, spared from that genocide, was even more impressive.

In that neighborhood there was also a network of natural caverns where tens of thousands of insect-eating bats nested. Although there was no Batman on this Earth-variant, Greg somehow found the idea of exploring a Bat Cave intriguing.

They were the only non-Asians in the passenger car they rode. Vigilant Cowboy had at least been heard of in Southeast Asia, but none of their fellow passengers appeared to recognize him. Ruby, much more familiar with Asian cuisine than her husband was, oriented him, no pun intended, to several available Cambodian dishes he hadn't encountered before now.

= - = - = - = - = - = - =

After sundown, the rain stopped for a time. They slept on the train..... until, before dawn, the brakes shrieked. Whatever was in the way, the train crew succeeded in slowing enough that the train wasn't wrecked; but the stop was rough. And Greg had a chilling premonition.

He was not called Vigilant Cowboy for nothing. His and Ruby's U.S. passports, pants and shoes for them both, and his pistols, knife and blacksnake whip, were all where he could get at them instantly. Confused shouting had already begun from outside their compartment. If there had been terrified screams, or any other sign that their fellow train riders were under direct attack, it would have been his duty to try to defend everyone. But as it was, he guessed that ONLY HE AND RUBY were targets for the presumed evildoers.

They both got pants and shoes on, otherwise were wearing what they had been sleeping in. Forcing the window open, without even bothering about his prized Stetson hat, Greg helped Ruby out through the window. Soon they had found the nearest place of concealment, and loitered there to see if they could learn more about what had just occurred.

Greg had only the ammunition already in his handguns; one gun was one of his big-animal killers, the other was one of his usual magnum .44's. But God bless Ruby, she had remembered her cellphone. Greg fervently hoped that her phone WOULD in fact be more needed now than his weapons.
 
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Greg didn't KNOW that he and Ruby were the reason for the train to have been intercepted. But there still was no sign of the OTHER passengers being menaced physically. From what he could hear and the very little he could see, it sounded as if unknown persons boarding the stopped train were merely questioning the passengers, doing nothing violent.

"They might have the tech to block our satellite comms," Ruby whispered. "My group text to Petsarat, Lumina, and our contacts in the Cambodian military indicates not yet delivered. So, our next move is what?"

"Lay a false trail, IN CASE we're being'hunted. Take my whip now; use it as a loop to pull thin branches down. You'll see what I'm doing."

As quietly as he could, Vigilant Cowboy started into the jungle, away from the stopped train but curving right and left, purposely trampling the undergrowth. He also cut trailing vines and stems with his knife. He wanted it to be unmistakable that he and Ruby had taken this direction. But after advancing fifty or sixty feet this way without hearing any pursuers, he did an about-face. Leading Ruby back as quietly as possible, Greg found a spot where a partly propped-up fallen branch offered a gap for them to slip under it. Now they moved at a right angle from that spot, not re-approaching the tracks until they were forty or fifty feet behind the caboose.

Bug bites, they just had to accept.

Two men wearing ninja-type costumes, only with something like motorcycle helmets on their heads, were standing by the rear platform of the caboose, talking with a train crewman in Cambodian. The crewman seemed agitated, but not afraid of the helmeted men. Presently, the crewman climbed back into the caboose, still seeming unafraid of the strangers, while the strangers walked alongside the stopped train toward the engine.

The newlyweds withdrew farther. "Got an opinion, darling?" whispered Greg.

"Yes, I do. Legitimate authorities wouldn't have to blockade the track, they could radio the crew and ASK them to stop."

"So what's your take on why they're NOT searching for us? And this after I did such a clever job of misleadin' them-- what lousy manners!"

"My take is, I can't reach our friends by phone so far; and it's no disrespect to you if I say I don't like our chances of reaching civilization on foot in a jungle at night, with such limited ammo, and the rain likely to restart any time."

"I concur, sweetheart. If we re-board the train right now, actin' all casual, might be no one'll get suspicious at us. But since you're right about smellin' a rat in those bums' methods, keep that revolver hidden. We might face a snap-judgment call. If any of 'em points a firearm at us, I'll have'ta use my own judgment; but if I can waste him without hittin' innocent folks, it's even money do I blow his brains out an' collect his gun."

At the last minute, Greg changed his mind on one point. They sneaked forward to within sight of the front of the train. There was indeed an obstruction, consisting of tree trunks; but these trunks had been deliberately placed in an orderly stack. This ruled out an accidental obstruction.

The first person to speak to the Sutters after they re-boarded was one of the helmeted intruders; but this one at least spoke English. He asked to see their passports, which fortunately they were carrying. Also fortunately, he did not look for what ELSE they were carrying. So neither a shoot-out nor an arrest ensued. The honeymooning couple would have to wait to find out what was going on.

======>> WHILE GREG AND RUBY ARE WAITING, WE WILL HAVE A CHANGE OF LOCATION, BUT ONE WHICH IS RELATED TO EVENTS ON URTH.
 
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On Earth-Whichever, in the outback of Ostralia (same thing as our Australia, just a slightly different pronunciation), Kuparr Daku the Dreamtime Chieftain, who had played a huge role in defeating Twerpseid, was back in his desert village. In the deep night, the shaman received his first visit from the spirit-kookaburra since the war to save this Earth had been won.

"Brother Kuparr, your friends who are on Awkwardlisp are close to sending a delegation to that other Earth. I am here to tell you that there is cause to send TWO teams of people to 'Urth.' The ones already chosen for open approach ought to be unchanged, but a second group needs to be more combat-oriented. The first group needs to go immediately, and tell Urth authorities about the second group.

"My ally, the good wizard Mazash, is about to communicate with the Chinese warrior couple to whom he gave extra power. I myself will appear soon in dreams to several Communist officials in Beijing. They do not enjoy as much advantage on your Earth as their counterparts on many other Earths have managed to gain by subterfuge and force. I will do what some call dangling a carrot, telling those officials that they will gain international goodwill if they permit Master Kam and Mistress Bao to join the second group."

"Exactly what will this extra team of Earthpeople DO on Urth?" Kuparr asked.

"Thwart a diversion. Many of the leading wrongdoers on Urth are abetting OTHER evildoers based on a world called Senphatori, who plan to attack Urth by surprise just as Twerpseid attempted to do here. The Urthling villains have been weakened as a group from recent setbacks, and will gladly keep heroes there busy if this leads to the heroes being caught off guard."

"So, how am I to contribute to this new plan against evil?"

"Request a wormhole transit back to Awkwardlisp, so that Zoorama Slippage can join the strike team without leaving Truthside's people deprived of magical support."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mazash, the same good wizard who had first given superpowers to Willy "Sha-Na-Na" Bastion on Terra, purposely dropped in on the super-kung-fu couple in Guangdong while they were giving lessons to several children of high-level Communist functionaries. Speaking in flawless Mandarin Chinese:

"Master Kam and Mistress Bao, please forgive my intrusion; but I request that any of your students who brought mobile telephones with them would now prepare those telephones to contact their parents or elder siblings for a video relay of what I will be saying." Soon Mazash was issuing to the Beijing regime the invitation of which the kookaburra had spoken to Dreamtime Chieftain.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Around this time, in his hospital room, the mostly-healed Green Flashlight John Stewmeat received a long-distance call of his own. This entailed seeing a sort of hologram of a friend of his: Bess Dickey, the wife of Captain Trace Dickey in Magnet City on Jersey Earth. And her image had a red gem adhering to its forehead.

"Bess! Can that be you? How did you turn into a Heart Sapphire?"

"Let me speak fast! I don't know how long I can maintain this. The Heart Sapphire Sisterhood has taken over our Earth! There are at least twenty of them here, maybe more. Global communication has been badly downsized here. They made MIKE TRIPLEFACE the new Secretary-General of the United Nations! One of of the Sisters is known to you: Nolarivu Pamizo."

That name had a profound effect on John, but he kept silent and allowed Bess to continue.

"For what it's worth, I think she still loves you, even though she preferred gaining powers of her own over being with you and not having any super-powers. But she won't break ranks with the others. They haven't killed anyone that I know of..... EXCEPT for painlessly euthanizing elderly and severely handicapped people."

Clenching his teeth, John spoke for the first time: "They didn't even think of HEALING those people instead, did they?"

"I don't think they ever did. But they do feed the hungry who AREN'T very old or very disabled. When can you get back here?"

"I'm pretty much well now. It was rough, defeating the invasion that hit this Earth. We lost a gallant Flashlight, Grakabikrak. I'm almost ready to fly again, but I'll need reinforcements to liberate our world. Are Trace and your children safe?"

"Yes, but Trace is so frustrated! He doesn't resent MY being given powers, but if he had powers too-- I need to get off! They might already know that I called you. Don't count on being able to surprise them; if we can talk again, best if you DON'T tell me what you....."

Then contact was lost. So John opened a new contact with his leaders, the Janitors of the Universe on Planet Wawa. Even without her warning, he would not have not dared to tell his friend Bess what he really intended to do.
 
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