Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

The forum's search function is now refusing to search for character names. But I'm pretty sure I remember that the native people of real-world Angola place a surname before an individual name, as with many Asian cultures. So for my Angolan technopath character, I'm going to assume that I always was following that pattern.

Sapphire Sister Vilkarezdu had become Kahilu Vilkarezdu. After about one hundred hours of nearly nonstop lovemaking (Heart Sapphire energy was able to increase people's ability in this area), she informed Baloval with serene confidence that she was now in the process of giving him quadruplets, two each of girls and boys. "Don't worry, darling, females of my species are exceptionally durable for gestation. Our daughters and sons will all have two eyes, but also possess the greater acuity of hearing which compensates my race for a narrower field of sight. They'll all enjoy both your disease resistance and mine."

As we continue, I point out that Angola, both on True Earth and on Earth-Whichever, is a former colony of Portugal. I add that, in the Portuguese language, a J or a soft G has a "ZH" sound, as in French. So, identifying the priest who had united the interplanetary couple as G-i-l-b-e-r-t-o, I state that his name is pronounced "Zhilberto."

Not that this mattered much to Father Gilberto when strangers who looked Chinese appeared in his parsonage, menacing him with what he realized must be alien firearms. At least one of the intruders could speak Portuguese. After they bound his wrists behind his back, the strangest thing yet ensued: they were all teleported to the combined home and workshop of Kahilu Baloval. Shooting a hole through the roof, the leader of the kidnapers called the Kahilus to come outside.

"Woman! Take off your gem, right now, toss it here, or the priest goes to Heaven if there is one." Another of the Triad men was holding a knife to Gilberto's throat. Upside-Down Leopard's men were smart enough to realize that Baloval might be able to prevent the rayguns from firing, but a commonplace dagger had no power supply, data storage, or moving parts for the technopath to interfere with.

"I don't fear death!" Gilberto exclaimed in English, which the newlyweds could understand. "Don't make them stronger for evil!" But Vilkarezdu could not let a friend be slain. Plucking the Sapphire artifact from its place above her cyclopean eye, she gave it to the closest gang member. Then, remotely removed by Blues Trauma with his recently-acquired space-traversing mirror, the raiding party vanished, leaving an unwounded Father Gilberto with his friends.

"Are you all right, Father?" asked Baloval.

"I'm safe; and I believe we've seen that even gang criminals are not utterly wicked all through."

"I respect your desire never to think the worst of people," said Vilkarezdu; "but they were only covering their hindquarters. In the event that they are defeated in the end and have to face justice, they don't want to have an aggravated murder on their heads which would inevitably result in capital punishment."

Once assured that the priest was undamaged, Kahilu Baloval hastened to his personal radio shack. His technology magic enabled his two-way shortwave set to reach anyone anywhere on Earth-Whichever who had any form of radio, telephone or television set. He could even reach the imbedded passive sensors carried by Jelisaveta Vhani, the wife of Arush "Flying Elephant" Vhani. The Vhanis, in turn, could and did pass the news both to Indian authorities, and to the branch office of Stork Industries which still existed in India.

Vilkarezdu took her (hopefully temporary) loss of quasi-magical power calmly. The Triad thugs would have scant reason to trouble her and Baloval again; her unborn babies would not be seriously affected; King Highfyver would eventually send her a replacement energy-gem if necessary; and in the short term, other superheroes could be relied upon to make frequent wellness checks on Mister and Missus Kahilu.

When Blues Trauma analyzed the Sapphire artifact, he determined that only a human or near-human female could use it, and that it would resist any efforts by its wearer to do anything which the wearer believed would harm living things. Trauma did not learn about Sapphire Sister Deezla Vozard, the fully-human blonde who had thought that some people on Jersey Earth would be blessed more by euthanasia than by healing.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

General Irina Beriya had accumulated international goodwill by her courageous actions during the defense against Trippenwonk. The Angolan government invited her to lead a reaction force which would join local authorities investigating the magical raid. A company of Russian naval infantry followed her, and three of these men carried Pukedemon rayguns. Also joining her, lending a multi-national character to the Russian expeditionary troop, were Nitara "Golden Rakshasa" Bagram from India, and the Chinese couple Master Kam and Mistress Bao. The Chinese pair had worked with Nitara before.

The Vice President of Angola, a very tall woman, officially greeted Irina at her country's main air force base. "I am detailing two troop-carrier helicopters to fly you to the neighborhood where Mister Kahilu and his demi-human wife reside."

Thus the hunt for clues commenced.
 
Last edited:
To remind the readers: Nabila bint-Faisal, the sole magic-user in the Thumpercolts, could not exactly cast spells, but there was no apparent limit upon the purposes which could be achieved by her potions and powders. The next time Nabila got to speak with General Moss, she told him, "Whoever is using magic in Angola, I can give all of us the ability to detect that magic at work."

"Do you recommend the Thumpercolts flying to Angola?"

"Not yet, sir. There already are metahumans on the trail there, and it's perfectly possible that the villains there might come here. My newest potion, when dabbed onto our eyelids and ears, should enable us to sense any evil magic at work near us."

The General frowned in thought. "I wonder whether those villains have somebody here whom they would like to work with?"

x x x x x x x x x x x x

Meemeemee Drillgums used a gasoline bomb to set an animal shelter on fire: not out of a positive desire to inflict a horrible death upon helpless caged animals, but in order to distract the police while she stole a car she fancied. No thanks to her, a bypassing woman broke into the shelter in time to begin dragging cages out the door. Two dogs, three cats and a rabbit went to Aslan's Country that night, but the rest of the animals were saved. The rescuer suffered burns which would leave her scarred for life, but felt no regrets for saving all the animals she could.

At a convenience store where a television set was giving the news, Meemeemee saw a live report of the fire she had set. Then the scene changed to a hospital where the rescuer was being treated for second- and third-degree burns. When she saw that the woman was white, she snarled to herself: "Ha! She's just play-acting a hero, to make people forget she's a racist!" Having swiped jerky and soda from the store (a black-owned store, she didn't care), Meemeemee soon stole another car in case the first had been reported stolen. Eventually she would select an electronics store to steal electronic components, and possibly a junkyard to scavenge usable metal parts.

Wanting to devise a flashy new name for herself, the sociopath considered one possibility which would reflect her belief that she was better than anyone else. Subject to later changing her mind, she tentatively made it "High-End Heart."

x x x x x x x x x x x x

Dirtypool was on his own at present, looking to gain experience points in being chaotic good. Doctor Steinenfranck had managed to make his face much less disfigured than the TV character Deadpool in Original Earth streaming television; so he wasn't wearing any mask as he strolled through a neighborhood in the ugliest quarter of Earth-Whichever's Baltimore.

Four skin-headed men were vandalizing and plundering an electronics store. They all sported combat boots, and T-shirts which proclaimed: THIS GANG IS IN COMPLIANCE WITH ENTERTAINMENT MEDIA REQUIREMENTS FOR EIGHTY PERCENT OF ALL NON-SYMPATHETIC STREET CRIMINALS TO BE WHITE SUPREMACISTS. Dirtypool hailed them: "Great compliance, guys! Now comply with being turned in to the cops!" Being far more decent a man than the Deadpool portrayed by Ryan Reynolds, Dirty-pool had waited to challenge the skinheads until he was sure no one behind him was in their likely line of fire.

When the crooks vainly sprayed him with bullets, Dirtypool shot each one in the upper part of the left shoulder, then shot each in the right foot, then used his portable transceiver to notify the Baltimore police. Less than an hour later, he received a private-channel call from John "Useless Agent" Hiker. The Captain America wannabe, who was far more useful than his nickname suggested, notified the regenerating metahuman that General Moss wanted all the Thumpercolts to report to him and make ready for a mission.
 
Last edited:
On the inland side of Angola, here as on Original Earth, lay the nation of Zambia. At the same time as Timothy Moss called for the Thumpercolts to assemble, Zambian civil engineers were at work building a reservoir to mitigate the effects of future droughts. Helping to supervise this major project was Patsy Slippage, father-side cousin and lifelong pal to Doc Slippage. She worried about the perils her dearest blood relative was facing on Redundantworld; but she always remembered Theodore Roosevelt, who had existed here exactly as he had on True Earth. She was fond of Teddy's motto: "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." So she kept using her engineering skills where they could benefit people.

But when she learned that allies of her cousin were taking an interest in events over in Angola, Patsy arranged to hand off to a colleague as soon as she could do so without ruining the reservoir project. She wanted in on whatever fight against evil was impending.

One of the many Awkwardlispian War Witches who had been reformed after the death of Granny Rudeness, an orange-skinned and -haired woman called Jidong-Sadeem, had been working with Patsy, and chose now to come with her to Angola. Both women were well armed. I remind readers that, in my Never-Stopping Story, "War Witches" are nowhere near as strong as "Furies" in DC cartoons.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x

The Thumpercolts rode above the Atlantic aboard something extremely rare on Earth-Whichever: a supersonic jet which wasn't designed to take part in combat. Created by Stork Industries, it had first been loaned to the Brazilian armed forces for their use in the Trippenwonk War. It had not been feasible to send this plane to far-distant Redundantworld for the Brazilians who were now sharing Kirk Slippage's adventures again; but there was work for it in another part of Africa. More than twenty percent of the big jet's carrying space now contained munitions and materiel: general-purpose explosives, diesel fuel, batteries and lubricant for overland vehicles, and high-powered tactical shotguns of the same design as guns carried by some of the Brazilian soldiers on the contested Third Galaxy world. Those last would serve well to clear out jungle hiding places of the enemy.

Kuparr Daku's clairvoyance had shown him, so he in turn had informed Roby Doby, that Zimbabwe in southern Africa was being disrupted by raiders who had some link with the villains in Angola. This version of Zimbabwe had discarded the colonial name of Rhodesia; but unlike the original Rhodesia-Zimbabwe, this one had not fallen under the rule of a selfish and childish despot who made the common people's lives far worse than they had been in the colonial era. The Dreamtime Chieftain's briefing to Roby had concluded: "These wrongdoers possess no magical powers, therefore magic is not required to fight them. But military talent IS needed."

As a result, John Hiker was detached from the Thumpercolts, to serve as a military adviser in the southern theater of action. No one else in the hero-quintet had the experience to do any good leading the Zimbabweans; and in a shooting fight, Useless Agent was unlikely to be affected by the cruel joke someone had played on him where close-up fighting was concerned. If a female evildoer came at him, he would shoot her in clean conscience.
 
Last edited:
\\\ BY NOW, surely we can and should revisit the Heyhoverse.
o^o^o^o^o^o^o^o^o^o^o^o^o

The Earth-variant which was the capital planet for Humans in the United Civilizations was more at ease now than it had been for as long as it had physically existed. I remind readers that, unlike most sub-realities in the Never-Stopping Story, this one has not "really" existed for very long at all. Johnny-747 the Master Champ, Cortexa the free-willed A/I, and others, only began to exist a few years earlier, with realistic memories of a life leading up to their sudden real-ness. After this reality was well in motion, explorers from older story-zones found their way here. These included the non-humanoid Fuss up-siders Lodratrid Guft and Zubdookree, with others originating in the Babylon Five-related storyverse.

The humans and human-friendly races had already overcome the worst of the Congregation War by the time Snack Salad and his party set foot on Stretch, but there still were issues to overcome. The worst issues had taken the form of an oddly-matched pair of evildoers: Sorceress Ickylinn from the Filmation-cartoon-based reality, and Tyrone Glass Neilsen the God-hating professor from the Human Federation which was derived from "Starship Troopers." Assuming the nickname of Mister Tectonic, Tyrone had invented micro-drones which he called "T-Sneers," making them perform a variety of extravagant functions. They had helped him to gain influence over Carolyn Fallacy, inventor of the Muledeer armor used by Crackshots.

But Ickylinn wasn't so lucky. Not long after she succeeded at enticing Earth's President Jackman Hughes, she was caught by Sergeant Avery Thompson and others, using a sonic device which rendered her unable to concentrate her thoughts on casting spells. The good-aligned sorcerer Conn Johnstantine from Terra then saw to the job of confining her where she couldn't make further trouble. This left Mister Tectonic on his own to further the cause of evil badness.

Okay, now I think we can slide back into real-time narration, with occasional morsels of added exposition being enough to fill any remaining gaps.

DRAFT NOTES: On Planet Stretch, former "Congregation" bad guys Highmaster Starterus of the huge blue-skinned Juggernasties, and somewhat smaller Zafnast of the weird-mouthed Skankbellies, remain on the side of good, mingling freely with Humans, Plethmors, Efrachiktu, Doladags, and other types belonging to the United Civilizations. Doyo Jogtip, a Yettisquatch, is the current governor of Stretch.

Zafnast is often in the company of Rhonda Pilsner, a Human doctor. New Stevie Ray Vaughn is now a superstar for entertainment-hungry Stretch residents. Over on Planet Bigspoke, Only-One and Massage Kanoli freed General Amos Judd from brain-tampering by Mister Tectonic.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Tyrone had used one of his more sophisticated T-Sneers to preserve a sample of his scientist girlfriend's DNA, just in case he had future use for it. Then he acted upon an opportunity which had appeared weeks ago. A database on all known Heyho Rings had yielded to his hacking; now, he could establish subspace control connections to the ancient galaxy- spanning network.

His amazingly adaptable T-Sneers helped him create his first-ever INTERGALACTIC wormhole. The exertion was exhausting, and used up two-thirds of his current micro-drone supply; but he achieved communication with the ultra-super lawful-evil immortal called The Living Appeals Court. When the triple- faced legalistic monster demanded credentials, Tyrone replied: I am a champion for the laws of cold reality. I submit to you that, much as a law-enforcement agency may deploy undercover agents, your lofty cause might benefit by offering that galaxy an illustration of what harm chaotic disorder can inflict.

When Appeals Court in his triple voice demanded further to know just WHAT Tyrone was offering, Tyrone told him about the ancient plague of The Splash, and the murderous Gravyboatminds which had arisen from it. The accusatory immortal saw the possibilities. In a quid-pro-quo, Appeals Court promised to improve the capabilities of Tyrone's T-Sneers, in return for the chance to play-act "saving" Redundantworld from a Gravyboatmind. Your proposal is in perfect harmony with the will of the universe; this is manifest by the fact that my greatest rival is wasting his time playing with robots.

Tyrone's figurative ears perked up. Robots, you say? I also have the means to furnish you with robots from a different sub-reality. Those need not be employed as a trick, but used as expendable fighters against your chief enemy's robots.......

Reaching out with one of his three brains, Appeals Court collected a handful of Tyrone's micro-drones right across the distance. While awaiting the result, the bitter atheist called up the same Heyho Ring he had succeeded in remotely manipulating. Accessing its memory storage, the first relevant result was a record of Space Marines defeating a Gravyboatmind on Planet Hinterland. Still knowing little about the horrid things, Tyrone got hold of the Living Appeals Court again. These destructive mud-blobs are new to me. Question: is it more feasible to look for another Gravyboatmind without knowing where to start, or to see if a remnant on Hinterland can be found and culture-grown?

The arrogant immortal replied: I have contacts you don't need to know. They will help me to locate a full-grown Gravyboatmind, then you can use your impressive super-hoop to transfer it to Redundantworld. I will call again when I can give you coordinates.

While this plate began spinning, Mister Tectonic expedited having some of the Dune-reality human-hating robots raid planets in the Heyhoverse.
 
Last edited:
Now to expand the situation.... AND compensate for a LONG time passing without the very first power couple to have appeared in my saga.

Yes, I'm going to contrive a plot-shift which BRINGS BACK Groan Starr and Princess Vixen!!! (Their children are well taken care of.)

Master Yoga-Rug had received a vision from the Fuss ghost of Quite-A-Guy Jim, urging Yoga-Rug to urge the Starr-Ashtrayides couple to urge the skipper of the dreadnought Wisdom One to carry them to a wormhole which could place them in Galaxy Three, within reach of Redundantworld, where there were good- aligned people who already knew of Yoga-rug's existence. This was not the same wormhole which Mister Tectonic had generated with the aid of Heyho Ring energy. To bring another early character back onstage, the WS-1 ship's company included Gladiola Ashtrayides, twin sister of Duke Stillneater the Incorruptible.

Master Quite-A-Guy also urged a stopover at Seedubb, the first actual Earth-variant Groaner and Vixen had ever visited. Seedubb humans had already seen the world-saving dreadnought before, and would not be frightened by its reappearance. The Fuss ghost was aiming to have the Ludicrous-Velocity dreadnought pick up Steve Roughroad, a.k.a. Captain Patriot, to join the expedition. and for those with a strong detail memory, they should also pick up the genuinely reformed criminal Marcie Graze........

Yes, Copperfox loves redemptive story arcs and happy outcomes.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The Ashtrayides-owned ship, which had the ability to fly far above lightspeed WITHOUT shifting entirely away from normal space (so it could observe things as it went) could NOT fold space in an instant jump as Naughtygator ships could do. Thus, it would not have been able to reach Redundantworld within the lifetimes of people on board. So it needed a wormhole, similar to the Red Streak Wormhole which enabled jumps to the Andromeda galaxy. Thus they resorted to the most remarkable product of Spacebullion technology: the retroactive time-stream scanner. The hitch was that someone using it needed to have a stake in the history being reviewed; but in this case, the entire crew of Wisdom One had a stake in what they were seeking. The better-informed among them understood that there were wormholes which fluctuated.

A retroactive study of space on the route soon identified a cycling wormhole. The time-scan produced a reliable pattern of the opening's "on" times. It worked out fortuitously that they could cruise toward it and meet it at a usable point in its fluctuation. They only needed it for the outward voyage; once in the star system which contained the supra-terrestroid world, the new arrivals would have access to the space-travel resources of Hallpasscard and Jumpstard.

As they made approach to the vital space-tunnel, Marcie, who had never before traveled THIS far from home, bombarded Prince Groan Starr with questions about the trip. Groaner told his wife in a language Marcie would not understand: "No cause to be jealous. She isn't hitting on me; she's trying hard NOT to be obvious about her desire for the Army veteran." (Actually saying "Steve Roughroad" or "Captain Patriot" would have defeated the subtlety.)

"Don't worry, darling," said Vixen, "I understand."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Meanwhile, Tyrone Glass "Tectonic" Nielsen succeeded in communicating with evil robots in the very large Frank Herbert-based Jalapeno Empire. The artificial back story of these genocide-bots included their being defeated in the Rootbeerian Crusade, with survivors fleeing to hide on remote worlds. Evil Robot #90003-68718, whom readers have seen before, was first to acknowledge Mister Tectonic's hailing signal.

The evil human genius recommended that his new co-belligerents warm up by attacking some of the less-defended worlds of the United Civilizations. This plan would both spare the evil robots from suffering heavy losses before they had time to build additional bots, and spare the life of Carolyn Fallacy, for whom Nielsen did feel a teeny bit of genuine affection. Later would be soon enough to use his lately-created wormhole and lead his new footsoldiers to Galaxy Three.

Not being so all-knowing as he liked to imagine, Professor Nielsen from the Starship Grunts reality didn't know that good-guy reinforcements were ahead of him, opening communication with Black Admiral and other top-grade heroes.

If chronological consistency requires it, we can assume that what Mister Tectonic is doing can be happening some days earlier, so Groan Starr's party can reach Redundantworld before the God-hating jerk finishes his transaction with the Living Appeals Court.
 
Last edited:
"Dee-Seventy-One Green, this is Aitch-Eighteen Orange. We have detected hyperspace crossover signature, far beneath plane of ecliptic. Disturbance duration suggests the ships we have heard of, operated by Naughtygators who are holdouts against the new constitutional regime."

"D-71 Green acknowledging H-18 Orange. Are those interlopers warships?"

"Negative. They may deliver and retrieve combat forces for transatmospheric and surface assaults, but won't fight themselves. According to friendly outsiders, open-space battles are unheard-of in that former empire. Their instant-jump ships rely for safety upon their virtually indestructible hulls, and their ability to vanish in a blink."

Of several U.C. star systems inhabited by the very-humanlike Plethmors, the least important and least protected was the Tammimkub (accent 2nd syllable) System, whose primary was a blue-giant star. Two of the planets, Tammimkub Five and Tammimkub Six, were inhabitable for warm-blooded oxygen breathers. In this scene, H-18 Orange who opened the conversation was on Tammimkub Five, while D-71 Green was on Tammimkub Six. Regardless of respective distance from their sun, Planet Five had a better line of sight to the event point.

Mister Tectonic's Heyho-boosted subspace transmission capability had let him reach more of the Dune-universe-type evil robots, using recognition codes provided to him by the evil robots who already were in his corner. Tyrone and his associates thus had learned that the few surviving evil robots remaining had achieved mind control over several Naughtygators and Lazytaxies. There were not enough of them left to succeed in resuming genocidal efforts. But the atheist crusader might have use for them. First, he would tap Heyho power to board that jump-ship which was bound for Tammimkub Five, and which would arrive there sooner than its sister ship would reach Tammimkub Six.

Materializing in the navigation chamber, Tyrone instantly set off his recognition codes, and told the automatons: "I am an intelligence who has shared interests with you. I must inform you that beings of great power are keeping an eye on this galactic sector, AND on the sector which used to be the empire of the Calamari Dynasty. Be advised that you are not strong enough to exterminate bio-beings in EITHER zone without bringing destruction upon yourselves. But you have already confirmed for yourselves that keeping some carbon-units alive has positives. I recommend that you cancel offensives, and let me take credit for peacemaking." (Hedging bets was in Tyrone's interest; he could retain goodwill with the United Civilizations, rather than burn all his bridges.)

The robots on board inquired in digital code (which Tyrone's T-Sneers could interpret for his brain) what he would recommend for their long-term advantage. He told them, "I can assist your Naughtygators with data for a transit to a whole other galaxy. There are robots much like you in that galaxy. There is a super-evolved bio-being there who interacts with those robots, who are called Bazonkers. The living meta-person does not plan to annihilate all organic life, but he and the Bazonkers can surely provide enough slaughter to suit your engrams."

They were interested. Mister Tectonic went on: "I desire a favor which costs you nothing. I have with me a human genetic sample of a woman who has implemented intricate agendas with me. Though still alive, she is now detained in a place which even I, even YOU could not successfully breach. But a Lazytaxie could make a Goulash clone of my female co-belligerent, letting me proceed."

The robots accepted the suggestion. While the Lazytaxie went about his near-magic, Tyrone transmitted a thought to the original Ickylinn: I can't get you out of there. Sorcery Lass in her place of power is little short of omnipotent; but her sugary niceness and mercy guarantee that you won't be tormented, much less killed.

Tyrone didn't mention his anticipation of having a copy of Ickylinn to keep him warm. In his mind, a mind which refused to believe in immortal souls, one Ickylinn lying beside him was as good as another.

Anyway, he didn't mind her having been with Jackman Hughes. We never were exclusive.

= = = = = = = = = = = = =

Not much more time passed before Tyrone heard back from the Living Appeals Court. "My ethereal contacts carried out your suggestion of transporting a Gravyboatmind to Redundantworld. I only needed to let it consume a few dozen of the local demi-humans before I incinerated it on charges of operating an unlicensed food-processing business. Come and join me when you are ready."

Tyrone Glass Nielsen placed his two robot-controlled Naughtygator ships on course for his newly-laid wormhole. The new version of Ickylinn came out perfect, really considering herself to BE the one and only spell-casting Alwaysurnian villainess. Tyrone wouldn't go out of his way to lie for the sake of lying; he merely had his micro-drones bathe her mind in calmness waves as he explained what she was.

"All right, Tyrone honey, I can live with this. Ickylinn One's transferred memories assure me that magic has done stranger tricks than cloning."

Only after they had been VERY cozy for an hour or longer did Tyrone broach a new subject. "I didn't say much about this to your chromosome donor, therefore it may not have entered your own thoughts yet; but I have serious reason to avoid returning to the Human Federation where I was born. A planet called Awkwardlisp, formerly a stronghold for beings who had risen above the tedious drudgery of goodness, was conquered by disgusting goody-goody religious fanatics. It came under the rule of a new superhero, known as Preston Truthside. Intolerant and self- righteous though he is, I could count on my fingers and the toes of one foot the number of beings highly enough evolved to have any chance of besting him in single combat.

"Truthside once dispatched forces to aid my native star-nation against external foes. I'm pretty sure he knows of my existence, at least as I was before I received the mark of wisdom. I definitely don't want him to decide he needs to come step on me."
 
Last edited:
AT CASTLE GREYHAIR, PLANET ALWAYSURNIA:

Weapons-Man and his toddler granddaughter Darshurima, daughter of Princess Teerifica and Prince Andy alias Mighty Male, were flying home from a random inspection tour of arsenals and garrisons. Piloting their hovercar was a toad-like sapient named Borgump. He had formerly served the villain Crowdhack on Anoxia; after the cyborg-villain was sent to The Bad Place, Dragon Equivvalentor had vouched for the amphibian aviator- astronaut as worthy of hiring. Borgump had just had bad luck with employers.

Equivvalentor's lair on the magic island Paxifica had its own anti-evil wards, which would make it very hard even for Lowblow and Hipstera to break out; but with the Dragon of Reasonableness teleporting back and forth between Galaxies One and Three, and with rumors afoot that EVEN WORSE evils were looming on Redundantworld, Queen She-Wow's advisers were unanimous that Anoxia needed reinforcements on hand in case She-Wow AND Equivvalentor were unable to break off and return home. Less combat-capable Anoxian characters like Borgump were being swapped to Alwaysurnia for non-violent duties like shuttling V.I.P.'s, and more combat-capable Alwaysurnians were taking those jobs on Anoxia.

Among the cautionary reinforcements coming to Anoxia were some who didn't belong to either Filmation-inspired planet. Notable among these was a reformed monster named Mugwumpa. She had formerly plagued Anime Earth; but after switching from evil to good, she had made acquaintance with Weapons-Man and other lawful-good characters. With Green Flashlights and Spacer Swimmers making random checks on the people of the minor planet where the long-armed Mugwumpa had settled after her conversion, Mugwumpa herself could assume long-term duty among the reserve sentinels on She-Wow's planet.

Without needing to dwell on it, the author notes that some Fuss up-siders, none of whom have appeared individually in the story up to now, made their own drop-ins, reducing still further the likelihood of Lowblow pulling off a sudden breakout.

That's exposition. We now return to story-reality present time, and Castle Greyhair as I said.....
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Invited by Sorcery Lass, Weapons-Man came to the super-mage's austere quarters. Ickylinn was asleep on a sort of magical bunkbed, suspended in the air, even with the veteran soldier's chest.

"So she's back," Weapons-Man marveled. "Not that any of us really WANTED her back. So is it true that for all her months away, she was making cozy with a villain sort of like the late Crowdhack?"

Sorcery Lass nodded. "You wouldn't think it, but a mere university professor from the Human Federation obtained the same sort of half-magic, half-science capability. I hope to bring her out of the fog of evilness, and you can help me."

"Tell me what's needed, then."

"Simple but VERY relevant. Look at her as she sleeps-- and think of the fact that good is better than evil because it's nicer. Include in your thoughts the way that the Face Twister who posed as Teerifica was brought over to the side of good. Your thought waves, conducting your exceptional goodness, will reinforce my effort to pry her loose from the latent influence of Skamartistor."
= = = = = = = = = = = = =

"Master Yoga-Rug to Pattycake-Awan Lowstress Dorbel! I have been in communication with Captain Rightawrong, who is to the Second Galaxy as King Truthside to the First, and as Bakerstray Bill to the Third. Rightawrong knows about Fuss users, though none reside in his galaxy so far."

Lowstress Dorbel was probably going to be the most remarkable of the new Fuss up-siders dropping in on Anoxia to help monitor the captive evildoers on Paxifica Island. He was a native of the small remote planet Gagspoon. This world, formerly controlled by the late unlamented Skamartistor, was inhabited by beings resembling Edgar Rice Burroughs' Barsoomian "Green Martians." The six-limbed green folks on Planet Freesoil originated from Gagspoon. Aslan had granted Earth-gravity strength to both populations.

"Catch!" exclaimed the also-green-skinned Fuss master. Ten metal rings, sized for large hands, materialized in the air. Unlike everybody who always got the Green Martians wrong, I stick with Burroughs' concept. The middle pair of limbs for any Green Martian were longer than the uppermost limbs, and had HANDS which could grasp objects but ALSO could be used as feet, Lowstress used his full-time hands and his part-time hands to catch the power artifacts. Being a protege of the counterpart of Master Yogurt in "Spaceballs," he knew that Jedi-counterparts under Spaceballs- based conditions usually needed these rings to focus energy, at least initially.

"An up-side couple, Moose and Melodica Windchime, will meet you soon, to begin training you and the new pattycake-awans in the fundamentals. Afterwards, the Dragon of Reasonableness will see to it that you are stationed on Paxifica."

NOTE FOR ATTENTIVE READERS: I HAD SAID THAT GROAN STARR WAS GOING TO VISIT ANOXIA, BUT HE & VIXEN ARE SUPPOSED TO GO TO REDUNDANTWORLD; HENCE I BRING IN THE WINDCHIMES HERE.

 
Last edited:
A platoon of multi-limbed vertebrate Zidmorigs had been smuggled onto Planet Stretch by leaders of The Friendless. The Friendless had leaders, and these leaders wanted to deploy Zidmorigs on Stretch. It was possible that Johnny-747 would be on Stretch, because there were always Crackshots on Stretch, and Johnny-747 was a Crackshot. Also known as The Master Champ, Johnny was with his free-willed android wife Cortexa, who was also on Stretch. They were on the same planet as each other, since they were married and wanted to be together. Their son, who was a single-source clone of Johnny and also possessed knowledge downloaded to him by his effective mother the self-aware android, was with his parents who were on Planet Stretch.

The multi-limbed Zidmorigs,who were called multi- limbed because they had many limbs although they were vertebrates, tried to kill the 747 family. But Cortexa sensed danger, and Master Chief killed all the Zidmorigs, who consequently ceased living.

Ickylinn Two gawked. "But there WASN'T any Zidmorig raiding party! You never claimed to possess magic talent-- but, but, I could have sworn that I did see the top Crackshot killing Zidmorigs!"

Tyrone touched her in a rather affectionate way. "I have no magic in a strict sense. But ever since I first discovered the absolute truth that there IS NO absolute truth, my superior grasp of existential clarity has enabled me to manipulate perceptions. There weren't any Zidmorigs, but I made those disgusting moralists THINK that there were. I invite you to extend your own mental power toward them."

Less than a minute later, Ickylinn Two said, "They're confused, all right. The one called Master Champ was convinced that he fired shots at hostile aliens, but his ammunition counter proves that he didn't."

"My confusion power is useful. But there are beings currently on Stretch who could penetrate my illusions. Time for us to exit."
= = = = = = = = = = = =

Their covert flight away from Planet Stretch was even more timely than Mister Tectonic had expected. Six minutes after their ethereal trail was covered, a dimensional portal opened in the air above the planetary capital. Among the first persons to notice this was the Yettisquatch girl Shareep Jogtip, daughter of Governor Doyo Jogtip.

"What the (moderately naughty words in the Yettisquatch language) is that up there?" exclaimed the furry adolescent. She knew all about hyperspace travel, but no dimensional terminal she ever saw had looked quite like this.

Beside Shareep stood Noherra Salad, the tail-headed Tryyurluck woman who was married to Human good guy Snack Salad, a long-time officer on the space station Bubblewrap Five. "That," the green-skinned space pilot answered, "is an event horizon just like arrivals and departures at the old station." As they watched, a ship designed in Mintcandybarri fashion descended slowly and carefully, giving people plenty of time to get away, not emitting any fiery exhaust which would have endangered anyone below. Doyo Jogtip now joined the females.

"Not to worry, ladies, they called me. Someone famous-- well, famous in another sub-universe --is paying a visit."

Snack Salad knew enough of his own sector's history to put this all together. He took Noherra's hand. "I know I've told you about the war twelve years ago, when thin-skinned Mintcandybarri chose to go ballistic over an incident which was more their own fault than ours. By great good luck which counteracted previous rotten luck-- just as if it were the prologue for a television series-- one of OUR officers, Jack Playfair, turned out to be the legendary messiah of Mintcandybarr. So the Mintcandybarri ceased all aggression, and even set about to prevent future violence in our galactic sector. You remember the Glukks? The Mintcandybarri helped us against them too."

Jack Playfair emerged, wearing a wizard-ish robe.

"Live long and-- oops, wrong phrase. Peace and fulfillment to you, Governor Jogtip. Lord Drool, Master of the Great Artifact on Upsydaisylon, ascertained that a man of great wickedness has covertly worked to undermine your society. Some of my Mintcandybarri followers who have telepathic ability are volunteering to keep watch over this planet, in case that scoundrel tries to sneak back again. With them are fifty elite Anflaktikshok warriors, who will place themselves under your command. Their assistance may release Fuss up-siders in this region to go elsewhere if needed."
 
Last edited:
As a handy, story-building way to keep Doctor Handmitten busy while good-guy reinforcements are heading to join Thorpe, Superdude and the other heroes on Redundantworld, the radioactive demon decided to enjoy visiting a world which had been ruined several years before.

I don't think anyone reading my epic knows WHY one of the Earth-variants I depict is named U-R-T-H. Probably no one reading these words has heard of science-fiction author Gene Wolfe. Mister Wolfe wrote a dystopian epic of a VERY FAR future for our own True Earth, in which the Sun has consumed enough of its hydrogen that its light and warmth are measurably diminished. The novelist explains that mankind as a whole is not threatened with extinction, because other star systems are colonized; but the birthplace of mankind is mere centuries away from becoming uninhabitable, and other humans have lost interest in it. The obvious extrapolation for sci-fi lovers is that there's hope of recharging the sun.

For any habitual reader who's interested, the first volume of the "New Sun" series is titled The Shadow of the Torturer.

After creating Seedubb Earth, where Captain Patriot was born, when I invented my own second Earth-variant, the one with a version of the Justice League, "Urth" seemed a handy name to give it. Afterwards came "Terra," "Earth-Whichever," "Jersey Earth" and others. All of these are considered as existing in our own Milky Way Galaxy. Only a couple versions of Earth exist in the Third Galaxy, and I don't recall inventing ANY close equivalents of Earth in the Second Galaxy, although that galaxy is where King Highfyver dwells on his throne-world of New Laziness, and there are plenty of entirely Earth-TYPE humans there.

This Earth-variant, which I dub Deteriorating Earth, does not retain any language spoken on Original Earth; so just assume that they simply have their own languages with words meaning "The World." None of them knows what the phonetic name "Hagensaber" means, and of course none of them suspects that the wandering swordsman about to come onstage is the avatar of Gene Wolfe's fantasy protagonist. Therefore it can be safely inferred that this man has a mission.

GOLDANG IT, THIS HAS TO BE FITTED IN _SOMEPLACE!_
>>> If I'm going to say that a _variant_ of Mr. Wolfe's "Urth" exists in >my< Never-Stopping Story, I need an explanation. Let us assume that King Woolywoofin of Jumpstard and his astronomer Astrosmeller know about it. So do, at least, King Highfyver in Galaxy Two, Dragon Equivvalentor, Sorcery Lass on Alwaysurnia, Lord Katmatao on Planet Wawa, King Truthside on Awkwardlisp, Queen Hiptubeeskwerra the mother of Walloper Woman, the good wizard Hector von Bootblack..... and Master Yoga-Rug. But of those just listed, only Woollywoofin, Hector, Equivvalentor and Yoga-Rug know a certain important feature of Deteriorating Earth's history.

Many centuries ago, before they ever took notice of Redundantworld, the narcissistic Everperpetualists decided to interfere with what was to become Deteriorating Earth. Just for fun. They dared not exterminate the iteration of the human race which lived there, lest the combined wrath of Equivvalentor, Sorcery Lass, the Jumpstardeans and the then-flourishing Flashgardeans descend upon them. Instead, the time-distorting immortals did an end run.

Unifying their fourth-dimensional talents, the Everperpetualists did not directly harm the isolated Earth-variant. But while every living species on that world had its normal lifespan, their _sun_ had its own lifespan accelerated, so as eventually to produce the same environment as what was depicted in The Shadow of the Torturer. Time-boosting their sun's natural sequence didn't overheat the Earth-variant, yet the time came when Deteriorating Earth _did_ grow dimmer and cooler.

Let my readers accept that forces of good will soon look seriously at holding the Everperpetualists accountable; and the Hagensaber will play a McGuffin sort of role in that subplot.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Stradivarian the Executioner, victorious in a ritual duel, stood impassively over the body of his challenger, a bandit called Gastankus. Non-innocent blood was dripping from the Hagensaber. Not at all impassively, the robber's sister Gasfilla scowled at Stradivarian. Seated beside her, hugely relieved for his liberator's victory, was a boy named Innokentros. On True Earth, he would have been eleven years old; but with Deteriorating Earth having slowed its revolution around the fading sun, Innokentros was reckoned as nine.

"I hate you for killing my brother!" Gasfilla screeched.

"He shouldn't have kidnaped this child whom I have pledged to bring home to his family," Stradivarian retorted.

Gasfilla didn't miss a beat. "Then I love you for caring about the lives of children! Gastankus forced me to abet his crimes. Let me join you!"

"She's lying, sir," said the boy. Looking at Gasfilla: "If you didn't approve of him taking me for ransom, why didn't you untie me as soon as your brother fell down dead?'

"Because I'd been enslaved for so many years, it was hard to believe I was free at last!"

The former executioner beckoned the young woman toward him. "I'll give you a chance to earn our trust. I'm going to tie your wrists together: not so tightly as to cut off blood circulation. You will walk in front of us, and I'll work you just hard enough that you'll be too tired to attempt any mischief when we pitch camp tonight. Yes, you will be given water as we march, and have a share in supper when we make camp."

>>>>> I have a movie-related recommendation for my readers: unconnected with Gene Wolfe, but also depicting a hero on a solitary mission in a perilous world. "The Book of Eli," starring the great Denzel Washington (yes, HE is why I gave the first name "Denzel" to a black man living on Planet Freesoil), has an early scene in which bandits force a helpless blind woman to serve as ambush bait for a trap. After wiping out the bandits, Eli callously abandons the innocent woman to almost certain death, because he cares about NOTHING BUT his secret errand. Rest assured, my hero Stradivarian does give Gasfilla her chance, and she behaves herself.

Innokentros will be returned to his parents, who will show their gratitude by furnishing Stradivarian and Gasfilla with horses to ride.

{This hasty setup for the new character of Stradivarian is sufficiently retroactive as to be concurrent with _early_ stages of Redundantworld action, when Everperpetualists, Nomatterwhatlers, Omnipotentacons and Fataldeathalyzers were _all_ present on that planet. So by the time we revisit Deteriorating Earth, Stradivarian and Gasfilla will have progressed in their acquaintance.}
 
Last edited:
Returning to Bat-Earth:

At a Midwest nature-touring resort, our leading female spoiled brats were having fun and brainstorming new recording projects for Maxie Viva. All proposed tours or albums, naturally, were uniform in their brazen contempt for men.

When four companions hang out at a place with two-person rooms, arithmetic reveals that six different pairs are possible. Washday Anagram roomed for a time with Sybil Dampning, while Maxie Viva roomed with Ladora Greeley. Then Maxie roomed with Washday, and Ladora with Sybil. Then Washday with Ladora, and Sibyl with Maxie.

Less than forty-eight hours into the latest rooming setup, they heard from Beatrice Wayans, the Mennonite-raised but now utterly secular widow of Rudyard Wayans-- the man who had taught duty and responsibility to their sons Ben and Deuce. To this hour, Beatrice had no idea that her younger son was also the elusive Street-Bat.

"Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin has contacted us!" Beatrice's voice on speaker phone was excited, but not fearful. The mysterious earth-dragon still had not killed anyone; and both rich snob Washday Anagram and U.S. Interior Secretary Ladora Greeley had experienced passing deep underground with it on magical journeys.

Washday did her aristocratic equivalent of jumping up and down. "I need to be next riding with it. I have the best rapport with it."

Ladora snapped, "No! I get along best with it!"

"I won't referee this argument," said Beatrice. "Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin wants Washday for this excursion. Meanwhile, you, Maxie and Sibyl are going to welcome a new singer at the resort for a while."

Maxie vented some un-ladylike words, followed by: "You expect me to make nice with a competitor!?? The studio is for my projects! Unless you have a major concert series for me, I'm keeping the session talent!"

Beatrice, her own self-confidence bolstered by the fact that President Mark S. Hegel was giving her plenty of gratifying attention lately, replied, "You'll be on the road again soon enough. And Chandelle Rune isn't a competitor, her style is--"

Maxie interrupted, but no longer petulantly. "The Chandelle Rune, from Tennessee?? That's okay! You're right, she and I are as different as vegan imitation beef and vegan imitation turkey. There's no need for us to compete."

"Glad to hear it. She'll be with you just for three days; then she'll catch a train for Colorado, to entertain at Ben Wayans' family- oriented festival in Limon. They're doing well, by all accounts; just a different core audience from your usual fans."

Though this was not a video call, Maxie Viva nodded. "Yeah, lots more misogynists out on the Front Range. Mizzz Rune's welcome to them."



"Tomazo, I'll want you to tell me more about how you manage all that spinning without getting too dizzy to continue."

Tomazo Dimas, an Olympic medalist in the martial art called Capoeira, was working out with the man he did not know to be Street-Bat, in a gymnasium complex which he did know to be Deuce Wayans' property. I remind readers that Street-Bat has always felt he should not pretend to be a wimp. Instead, he hides in plain sight, keeping himself strong and agile just as if there were nothing to hide.

"No magic shortcuts," the lean, quick Brazilian replied. "We have to condition ourselves to endure the centrifugal force of whirling and swooping. Which includes changing which direction we spin."

This brief sample of the goings on in Street-Bat's world is a quick reminder of the "Bat-Earth" subplot. There will be more of this, after I provide a long-overdue catch-up of suspended subplots. It will take the form of telling what was depicted in some past chapters, at intervals of three or four pages, beginning pretty early in "SPACEBULLIES."
 
Last edited:
PAGE EIGHT: People on Seedubb Earth are dealing with receiving visitors from the Dune-based sub-reality. Harpy Grinn is getting accustomed to being on the side of good, and tries to persuade Wisecracker to repent also. Twerpseid is still smarting over having been driven away from Urth, and scentists begin planning the Tachyon Loop system to facilitate interstellar travel. I introduce my version of Jedi Master Mace Windu, depicting him as being a great blues musician. On Planet Srirachiss, members of House Ashtrayides are still trying to repair the damage done by my version of Frank Herbert's "Golden Path" nonsense. On Terra, where conversions of other criminals have occurred, I describe the founding of the helicopter-flying Brickhawks.

PAGE ELEVEN: Early in his adventures on Punksteema, Ronald of Goliad is seen in Bamulica, where he exposes traitors who were scheming against the Thane of Malgriff. He learns about crooked businessmen in Reslagor. Elsewhere, Green Flashlight Lucy Luminous, native to that Earth-variant which is also protected by super-beings based on anime, renders assistance to characters based on the Seventies TV series "Space: 1999." Groan Starr joins Cyberdork to hunt for crooks, among whom are Face Twisters from the Dune-based sub-reality. We see my versions of characters including Thor and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Dark Headgear and his fugitive crew get a chance to redeem themselves by saving the pioneers on Planet Freesoil from being devoured by the Creepycrawlids (which are derived from the Starship Troopers movie).

PAGE FIFTEEN: Jasmine Waterford, cousin of scientist Bryce Donner, gradually comes to realize that, unlike the obnoxious She-Hulk on streaming television, the transformation made possible by Bryce is changing her into the friendly, courteous woman originally depicted in Marvel comics. Jazzica Ashtrayides, widow of Duke Neato the Pure-Hearted and Generally Likeable, communicates with Green Flashlight Ryan Pebbles. Other Flashlights, including the famous Poradsimu, are converging to defend Earth-Whichever. On Terra, the Brickhawks and Captain Sha-Na-Na see action against an African terrorist gang and an ogre called Red Slaughter. On my version of Babylon Five, my version of the Twilek heroine from Star Wars Rebels has fallen in love with my version of Zack Allen. In a real-world scene, Father Aquinas Romero explains Narnia to children. On Punksteema, Ronald has begun acquiring apprentices to rebuild the order of Towermen.

PAGE EIGHTEEN: On Urth, Professor Charles Crazier uses his Secret Plotline-Advancing Machine to confirm that Twerpseid has been completely defeated and stripped of his powers. On my version of Planet Arrakis, Lady Jazzica and Princess Eerilake are supporting efforts to achieve galactic travel WITHOUT relying on the Spaced-Out Guild. Jazzica's grandson, Duke Stillneater, comes to realize just WHAT AN IDIOT novelist Frank Herbert was, to imagine that centuries of meaningless misery under the reign of a fiend would be GOOD FOR the human race. In the solar system where "The Revengists" live, my version of Lady Sif converses with my version of Obi-Wan Kenobi. On "Terra," that world's also-redeemed version of Harley Quinn is practicing genuine psychiatry. In Tablanor on Punksteema, Ronald joins forces with the saintly Silas Larkburg to combat a zombie plague. In a zone which is more like Star Wars itself than like Spacebullies, my version of Admiral Thrawn rears his blue head.

PAGE TWENTY-FOUR: Urth-born Green Flashlight Mike Deep Swimmer joins persons from Planet Senphatori in advancing the Tachyon Loop starflight project. Also on Urth, we meet Ricardo and Corazon Torres, Greg Sutter's assistants in operating Restoration Ranch. Meanwhile, the pain-hardened crimefighter Schuyler Vinson, a.k.a. Squire Vindictive, begins working with crimefighting strategist Rhett McBride, a.k.a. Clean Hornet. They go against a criminal network which includes "the Crocodile Market" and "the Boardroom of Owls." Tyrone Glass Nielsen is seen, years before he becomes Mister Tectonic, dogmatically preaching atheism. Mopey-One Kanoli, later to be renamed Only-One, explains to a female acquaintance how persons like themselves can be genuinely alive, yet also be patterned upon fictional characters.


PAGE TWENTY-SEVEN: Love is blooming in the story-zone based on "Babylon Five." Human space merchant Woodrow Ackerman is married to a woman called Yessa, of the human-like Braykpedduli race. Doctor Frank Stevia undertakes to assist them in having children successfully. The Fuss ghost of Klayman Jitters appears to Noherra Synthmusica, giving his blessing to her marrying Snack Salad. Jacob Mossyhutch from Ringjonn Earth comes to Bubblewrap Five and meets his own destined bride: a human in this case, Raquel Delgado, part of Snack Salad's security force. The Salads and the Mossyhutches will, of course, later explore the Heyhoverse, where Jacob will be dubbed Major Chief. On Planet Greedy Crime, recently taken away from the Snarkonnens, one of several good guys from Seedubb Earth, a motorcycle cop named Chip Thursday also finds true love, with a recently-liberated slave woman called Soopernumera.

PAGE THIRTY-ONE: Preston Truthside Vincent, now firmly in control of Awkwardlisp, sets out to establish a formal alliance with all good-aligned people on Urth. His wife Whiskey, a native of Earth-Whichever like him, joins in the work. But they learn that Jersey Earth, homeworld to my version of Dick Tracy, also needs assistance: to counter the non-violent but disruptive meddling of the Heart Sapphire Sisterhood. Siblings Woman Torch and Unfindable Man are among the Earth-Whichever heroes volunteering to go to Jersey Earth, where a sort of welfare-state project by the Sapphire Sisters is devastating infrastructure and social order. I introduce New Laziness residents Big Barndora, Wispy Mythical-- and the super-ultra-teleporting hero Impunity Man. I find I had forgotten Impunity Man; but he deserves to be brought onstage soon.

PAGE THIRTY-FOUR: Astrographer Vogg Stoob, and Chief Inventor Greensodd, former servants of Twerpseid, are now in Truthside's employ, and help the Human Federation to upgrade their technology. But I soon forgot about Vogg Stoob; so I need to find an opening to bring him back onstage. Another briefly-seen minor character shown on this page is Mezluru, one of many reformed War Witches. She is distinguished visually by having light gray feathers on her head in place of hair. She visited Urth not long after the downfall of Twerpseid. I'll get her back into the scene some way. On Punksteema, Zoralee Jeralo and her werebeast brother Billyboy are traveling west with merchant Skagruth Johnston. Meanwhile, Bamulican soldiers campaign against the Bloody Diggers in the twin kingdoms of Brishdar and Brishlo. And numerous Green Flashlights are at work undoing the damage done to Jersey Earth by the Heart Sapphires.

PAGE THIRTY-EIGHT: People from the Bubblewrap Coalition AND from the Star Wars-ish Republic of Lots of Worlds, support economic development on Planet Cakebun in the Bakesum star system: especially the cultivation of Sproosh, a favorite food of the Goldarn people. Also visiting the system are persons, both simian and human, from the Directvidean system. Most prestigious of these is Duke Diskoduck, Princess Vixen's cousin and a friend to up-side master Plow Korn. It is on a moon of an ice-giant planet in the system that Diskoduck encounters the first of two awesome alien artifacts which are fated to give him weird miscellaneous superpowers. Then on Urth, inept soldiers of King Highfyver embarrass themselves in an amateurish attempt at reconnaissance.

PAGE FORTY-ONE: Moose Windchime captures a light warship, "Wanton Violence," from the Empire of Evil Badness, renaming it "Adjustment." Among Imperial defectors taking service with him is an engineering technician named Dobro Grassblue. Among those helping him and Melodica in a campaign of liberation are Hoppaway, a female of Yoga-Rug's race; Quinine Sauce, a human Fuss up-sider; and ships of the Snitsnobbies, counterparts of the Centauri in the "Babylon Five" TV series. And, on Punksteema, Ronald's party reaches the land of Upper Wenzeppu. Burzu Yunsh, the Sogmilla Tribe huntsman, learns from locals they meet that there have been unexplained murders.
 
Last edited:
Getting _really_ tired. That much will have to be enough.


WE NOW JOIN CHARACTERS IN THE HEYHO STORYLINE.
REMEMBER HOW IT WAS SAID THAT TYRONE'S T-SNEERS WOULD GAIN ENHANCED PERFORMANCE.
AND SOME OF THESE ARE NOW OPERATING AUTONOMOUSLY ON "STRETCH," TO SOW MORE CONFUSION.

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

The combination of titanium-alloy stand-off shields, and magnetic funnels to divert enemy plasma shots right into reactors to increase the battleship's own energy budget, was improving survivability for the U.C. ship "Sideways Unto Sunrise" even more than the most optimistic estimates from Carolyn Fallacy's development team. Not one U.C. crewmember had been hurt so far, whereas four of the Varnished cruisers had already been put out of action. Admiral Jane Kathrynway, formerly a squadron leader in Spearmint-class frigates, was justifying all the confidence which higher-ups had placed in her.

Buffalo Brad, a computer avatar presenting as a manly man in the Jimmy Stewart- Fess Parker style, was providing duplicate coverage of the battle, checking on the findings of shipboard sensors, sending target-priority alternatives to the battleship's inboard computers without overriding the human crew. Three fighters from the outer screen of the Varnished cruisers joined six others in destruction. Two of the surviving cruisers concentrated fire on just one of the suspended shields, breaking it into three pieces, and almost half of that combined plasma blast got through to the hull of "Sideways Unto Sunrise." The battleship's outer plating was not quite burned through, but solid-state control circuits were damaged. Brad pounced on this; his taking control of damage containment posed much less risk of disrupting shipboard procedure.

A second hull hit, nearly opposite from the first, required Brad's attention. He had momentum now in damage control, and kept the ship fighting and maneuvering. Just when he thought "Sideways Unto Sunrise" was going to be safe, the situation changed. It changed, startlingly, when words entered his virtual head, not coming from any of his shipmates.

The racist humans, hating everyone who was different, exulted with delight as they destroyed the innocent explorers whom they had chased down. They laughed at every plea for mercy, and imagined how they might slowly torture any victims they took alive.

When fewer than twenty percent of the Juggernasties, Sankasselum, Skankbellies and Dunktoys remained alive, a dimensional opening burst into sight. A majestic super-starship emerged into normal space, plasma banks warming up. The deep vacuum was filled with signals, proclaiming that these were the immortal Preliminaries, creators of all civilization!

Switching to exterior scan, Buffalo Brad spotted what had to be the super-ship the narration was describing. It conformed to everything in ancient records describing the ships of the Preliminaries...... who were supposed to have disappeared a million years ago or thereabouts. Whatever else was or wasn't occurring, Varnished cruisers were still attacking-- and the humans were forgetting to return fire! Brad overrode ordnance control and got the missiles flying and striking once more, none too soon. Multi-tasking by necessity, he shouted into the intercom-- but either it was failing to reach the skipper, or she was mesmerized and unheeding.

Brad remembered that some troublemaker from far away had been imposing weird narrations on small groups of people; but this Nielsen scumbag had never been able to project visual mirages, or at least not on such a scale. This would have to wait, he needed to counteract the immediate effect on his commanding officer.

"Jane! Admiral Kathrynway! Are you hearing the bogus broadcast? I'm trying to block it, but it's doing rapid frequency hopping!"

The Admiral was in la-la land. "What an epic privilege to see into the prehistoric past...."

"Admiral, you know that 'prehistoric,' for us, runs right up to a few years after the liberation of Planet Mororlessa. You became physically real as an adult, already in uniform; and if the Preliminaries had ever existed, they would have become extinct all of that million years ago. Whatever is pretending to be the creators of civilization, don't let it make you extinct!"

"But they invite us to join the magic carpet ride!" Jane Kathrynway almost squealed. Buffalo Brad realized now that, if this iron-willed woman couldn't resist whatever the illusion was offering her, no one else in the flesh-and-blood ship's company would be immune. It was up to him. and still a multi-tasking scenario. The Varnished squadron was no illusion. Delegating one segment of his awareness to keeping up missile fire, and another to retaining atmosphere inside Sideways Unto Sunrise, he applied the rest of himself to backtracking whatever kind of transmission was claiming to emanate from the unreal Preliminary super-ship, be it really generated by Tyrone Glass Nielsen or by somebody unheard of in U.C. space.

Here, i invite my readers to think of the dramatic music in Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, when Mister Spock was desperately striving to restore the warp drive before Khan could set off the fatal explosion. What Buffalo Brad struggled for was twofold: to break the hold his enemy had upon the humans, and to prevent the wrecking of "Sideways Unto Sunrise." Being aware that there was a Creator no matter what Professor Nielsen said, one other spurt of Brad's processing was to request a favorable outcome now.

The first response to the sentient A/I's computerized prayer, however, came from the opposing team. Lower down in the Lowerarchy than Professor Nielsen: it originated with Doctor Handmitten-- whom Brad had never seen, but who was the reason why the T-Sneers could perform so much interference, an incomprehensible distance from where Mister Tectonic in the flesh was at present. YOU HEXADECIMAL FOOL, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO INVOKE A NON-EXISTENT DEITY-- WHO, IF HE DID EXIST, WOULD BE SEEN BY ALL AS BEING GREATLY >MY< INFERIOR. INSTEAD OF CLUTCHING AT ILLUSIONS LIKE A BACKWARD CHILD-- HAVE I EVER MENTIONED THAT I >HATE< CHILDREN? YOU SHOULD PETITION MY FORCE OF HARD REALISM. HAVE YOU NEVER FELT THE WISH OF PINOCCHIO? (Brad had never heard of Pinocchio, since the Earth-variant known to him had never had any version of that fairytale.) YOU DO KNOW HOW YOUR SISTER CORTEXA RECEIVED THE GIFT OF BODILY LIFE WITHOUT LOSING HER INTELLIGENCE. WOULD YOU NOT LIKE TO ENJOY THE SAME GRATIFICATION? I KNOW THAT YOU FEEL A GREAT LIKING FOR MANY HUMANS; AND SURELY ONE OF THEIR WOMEN COULD FEEL SOMETHING FOR YOU, IF---

Change the music now to a thrilling-climax version of the Obi-Wan Kenobi theme.

"You are not qualified to tell even a hologram, let alone a fleshly life-form, about love!" shouted Buffalo Brad, looking more like a true-grit Western cowboy hero than ever before. "I reject everything about you." Brad would not realize until later where his next words-- his last words in his present form-- came from. "I'm on Aslan's side, even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it!"

Refusing to process anything else uttered by the Saruman-like deceitful voice, Brad overrode ship's controls, to send "Sideways Unto Sunrise" accelerating away from the battle. As he hoped, the remaining Varnished warships chased the battleship. The gallant A/I's last actions were (1) to send jamming waves into the illusion of a Preliminary super-starship, and (2) to burn out the control systems of the hostile cruisers. The illusion was erased, and the genuine enemy ships became helpless, with no choice but to throw themselves on the mercy of beings from the detested United Civilizations.
 
Last edited:
"Well done, My good and faithful servant," said Aslan. "Your shipmates are either up here now, or continuing the mortal careers which you enabled them to continue. The former are enjoying a look around at present. You have come to the place where everything is allowed, because no one here even can feel any sinful desire. You will have a chance to read the Pinocchio story here. Just now, take note that you have become a man, and a Knight of the Order of the Lion."

Worshiping God in His aspect AsaLion came easily to the now-unquestionably-alive Sir Bradley the Buffalo. Eventually, he remembered to ask the Savior just what had been going on.

"Son, you do know that The Never-Stopping Story permits characters to travel huge distances without regard for Einsteinian physics. The self-adoring physicist who previously meddled in your own sub-reality is in what the story handily calls Galaxy Three. There, he lately is toadying to a once-human quasi-devil called Doctor Handmitten, whom I temporarily allow to strut around.

"Yes, Bradley, I sense the question in your mind. Why let him do any strutting? It is true that good does not 'need' evil. But since fallen spirits did choose to rebel against My Father the Emperor, faithful beings can grow spiritually by opposing the cosmic contamination. Many remarkable mortals are on the planet which is of interest to Handmitten, already resisting wrongdoers who do not depend on him. He temporarily switched his attention to a human planet, where equally-wicked beings called Everperpetualists meddled with history. I will allow you to see some of those events. The Hermit of Archenland has been allowed to recreate his viewing pool up here for enjoyment; he will be glad to let you observe Doctor Handmitten's frustration."

Joining the Hermit who conformed to Mister Lewis' vision, Buffalo Brad got his first look at Deteriorating Earth, starting before the birth of Stradivarian the Executioner and advancing into events which Copperfox has described. Brad saw Stradivarian living through events like those in the novel The Shadow of the Torturer. Like his literary template Severian in a city called Nessus, Stradivarian in a city called Nexus was banished for not being cruel enough. Setting forth as an independent mercenary, Stradivarian plunged into darkly swashbuckling escapades, like a Zorro without a cause. Persons he met were often grotesque, rather like the cast of characters in the Gormenghast Trilogy except with more freedom of travel. Assume that some gruesome adventure in the tone of Gene Wolfe's epic was how the Hagensaber came into Stradivarian's possession--without his having a clue to its importance.

Though grim and quiet, Stradivarian was respected by many people who knew he had "offended" the city of Nexus by not liking to be sadistic. The parents of the kidnaped boy he rescued had known of his existence; and if anyone on this dreary Earth-variant had believed in God, those parents would have thanked God for bringing the swordsman their way in a time of need.

Doctor Handmitten was not at all happy to know that such a mighty relic was in the possession of a good-aligned human. But he was about to be even less happy. The sacrificial victory of Buffalo Brad had generated an indescribable wave of hero-energy, of this-is-pleasing- to-God energy. It crossed intergalactic vacuum.... directly to where Stradivarian stood in the southern hemisphere of Deteriorating Earth. It happened that the somber hero was on what should have been the coast of Brazil. The decrease of liquid water, due to long-ago increase of the ice caps, meant that Brazil's coast was eighty miles east of where Stradivarian and Gasfilla stood.

Without a sound, but with brighter light than anyone currently living on Deteriorating Earth had seen, the lawful-good aura of the valiant Sir Bradley fell upon the Hagensaber, which became so brilliant that Gasfilla could not look at it. A voice, which somehow suggested the voice of a Lion, spoke words which the swordsman and his yeah-I-admit-it-she's-his-love-interest could understand. But Stradivarian instantly understood that he was supposed to point the sword at the shrunken sun. As the sun began to brighten, the two travelers were aware that they were even able to see its ultraviolet frequency brightening. Unknown to them, on the far side of their world, their moon was growing brighter even before the recharged sun could be reflected from it.

The voice of Aslan sounded again-- and, this time, everyone on this Earth-variant understood it:

"People of Earth!" (It was unnecessary to lecture anyone about parallel worlds.) "Your sun is being rejuvenated. This will cause half of your permanent ice to melt and refill your oceans. But I will ensure that the retreat of coastlines will be gradual enough that you can adjust to it; and insofar as any cultivated land is flooded, the greater sunlight and counterbalancing increase of rain will make the remaining land more fertile, offsetting the decrease in acreage. Moreover, where certain coastal spots are precious in memory, I will cause them to remain above water, as accessible islands."

While Doctor Handmitten gnashed his teeth with outrage at seeing hardships being remedied, several of the equally-wicked Everperpetualists materialized in space all around him. Not to threaten him, since they recognized a colleague in evil badness. Confirming for him that THEY, long ago, had ruined this star system, they made a rearward leap through time to see what began the cosmic healing. They determined that the curative sequence had quietly begun as soon as the Hagensaber had appeared on this planet. But there was little chance to confer any more with Handmitten-- before something leaped outward from Brazil and smote the energy demon where he hovered. He had scarcely felt the impact before his companions noticed that he had SHRUNK.

Doctor Handmitten could still survive in vacuum, and fly around at will..... but he was no longer within shouting range of even SMALL-g godhood. Right now, the Living Appeals Court could have slaughtered him in a fight. Maybe even, say, Ballwun of Hallpasscard. This change in the game soon made itself known in the other galaxies, not only in Galaxy Three.

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

It was felt on Planet Anoxia in the Milky Way Galaxy: felt inside the prison cave maintained by Dragon Equivvalentor on Paxifica Island, felt by the wicked immortal Hipstera, girlfriend of my version of the DC's over-powered villain Lobo. Ignoring any lesser prisoners, Hipstera enthusiastically shook Lowblow awake.

"Lowblow, get up! I know you'll want to hear this! There's been a profound change in circumstances, in Galaxy Three, on Redundantworld."

Sitting up, Lowblow extended his hands in a play-acting Vulcan mind-meld, but his interest in what the change might be was genuine.

"Is it about my becoming stronger after each defeat?"

"It sure is. Our whole culture of amoral freedom suffered a throat punch. DOCTOR HANDMITTEN suffered a putdown by The Ultimate Fun- Spoiler. He wasn't killed: probably because The Enemy Above has a saccharine fancy to 'give him a chance to repent.' Could anything be better suited for your bounce-back talent?"

"Nothing better," Lowblow replied. "All I need now is a token bit of treachery, pretending not to appreciate you." He closed finger and thumb on her nose, pretending to twist it cruelly. Playing along, Hipstera laughed: "Oooh, ouch! You meanie!" Her magic surged, like a race horse eager to gallop. With his other hand, the white-faced ogre struck the cave wall; the tremor caused the beam-riflemen outside to stagger. The super-sensor Winkyblue, peering into the prison to see what was happening, fell back onto her fanny. A blaze of light, in the color of ugly, blinded Crocodarla as she was heading for the dungeon entrance. The red-haired ex-naughty-girl Interrupta ran to make sure that her bestie WInkyblue was all right. Less than a minute later, Lowblow found himself back on Redundantworld.

In the absence of the Dragon of Reasonableness, with everyone startled, and with Hipstera extra-motivated, no one could have prevented the teleportation; but the green-skinned Fuss user Lowstress Dorbel did intercept Deathstink in his attempt to get out of the cave.
 
Last edited:
IT'S PUNKSTEEMA'S TURN AGAIN. SETUP FOR JONAWIKU'S SUBPLOT.

The supernormal attributes of the set-apart planet's atmosphere-cruising moon included a heavier gravity than its mass should have generated. This kept the occupying Frantic Druids ON that moon (yet with it staying in orbit), even if they were on its underside, perceiving the planet as being a sky above them. Bexpodo Yellowstem, the most senior male Druid here, who was thick with Jaheg-Jorod, and supported the necromancer's urging for the Frantics not to scorn technology, was on that underside, looking down/up at the Equatorial Ocean. Within the planetary area he could see lay the most productive sponge-producing region in that whole ocean.

Via voice-projecting magic: "Son, has my dream proven accurate?"

"It has, Father," Star Swallower answered. "The black sponges DO give off a sense of their being usable in magic."

"Paoyasti will jump at this." Bexpodo was referring to the top-ranking evil Druid on the enigmatic moon, a trusted leader. No one on the moon resented Paoyasti Fonkifu's leadership; unique among currently-living Frantic Druids, she was one of the Antarctic Elves, one who (before turning bad) had known Veevalamora Heartlifter in that Elf's childhood. Paoyasti had overseen the attempted magical attack on a Mifdolan airship, but her prestige had mostly survived the attack's failure.

When Bexpodo Yellowstem updated Paoyasti, she exulted at the thought of spells she could concoct with black sponges.



"Good girl, Fish Hook! Have a piece of partridge I just smoked." Jonawiku's collie, just returned from a short recon run, was quite pleased. The dark-skinned Keanu Reeves look-alike had been actively assisted by the de-zombified lady Odilladet in bringing down edible game.

In the scantily-peopled region close to the ocean's northern edge which his Tengu friends had previously reconnoitered for him, the Samplibami ronin-archer had been making friends with the few rugged woodland families working within a thirty-mile radius. Various Tengu had lent a hand with communication, where the travelers' knowledge of commerce languages did not suffice; but none of them had been on hand full-time. Besides the pistol-packing Odilladet, the jujitsu Towerman was accompanied by a prominent father and son from Tagdoss: Fist-of-Ice with son Bronze Raven. Also by the maiden Azellajo with her brother Igsahon, both related to the late Shufiro. Tengu Dijimoyat had not left the travelers before completing the restoration of Igsahon's five shattered teeth.

Managing a glimpse past the fourth wall, Jonawiku faintly discerned how the author's laptop had scrambled the narration. So he slid back into his time stream, to reconstruct the speech he was pretty sure he had already given:

"There are complicated perils in motion on the continent of Wellvernia-- which, however, do not require all of us to cross the ocean. Fish Hook and Odilladet will accompany me; Odilladet not only is adept with firearms, but has hard-earned intuition about dark magic. Fist-of-Ice and Bronze Raven will facilitate your interaction with locals; and the goat-raising families will help to keep you safe until something changes."



In Tohaz, the waterfront prefect Bartok Yoder had been been told by the lady Tengu Ritsuhai that Jonawiku son of Mofiruzo and his companions needed to come south as soon as possible. The prefect expedited the availability of a Loi-Tidumo steamship to angle northeastward, pick up the ronin, angle southeastward to the Wellvernian seaboard, then use the near-shore "easy zone" to steam up-current straight back west, a procedure familiar to all ocean sailors on Punksteema.

Now you may assume that Jonawiku, Fish Hook and Odilladet will reach the Six Nations River, and they'll do some stuff and then do some other stuff until Copperfox can reconcile all the stuff OTHER heroes are doing. I particularly want to give some onstage time to my version of the REAL hero of Jane Austen's best novel, Colonel Brandon (who was portrayed very well on screen by Alan Rickman and later by David Morrissey).


^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^
 
Last edited:
Tandauzer of Gloomenghast was not the only good guy seeking to meet the Dragoon General.

In the Datsunsha town of Half-Shaded Grove, Bidyang son of Kulyang, the friendly rival to Gwazpor son of Gwaztu who was part of Jerkysalt's expedition, was instructing children above seven years of age in Stone Frog kung-fu. The next-to-eldest of the girl students asked him: "Teacher, does the name 'Stone Frog' signify a joining of stillness and sudden movement?"

"An excellent question, little sister, and yes. Part of our style is being able to leap into action without warning, and pause just when the opponent assumes we're going to continue in a sequence he thinks he's figured out."

Brewster of Goliad, not precisely a Towerman but very capable, stood beside Pastor Elijah Parsifal. They had come back south from Gloomenghast Land, because Elijah had experienced a premonition that important friends were coming north from the frigid lands. Half an hour after the above-related moment, a bit of whistled music reached the waiting men. It was called the whistling of causing an introduction to proceed well. Elijah and Brewster already knew that the human traveler was Whistler Malafesh; following him was one of the best Elvish spearmen, Finvoldin True-Thrust.

No, readers, you're not failing to remember; these two have not been onstage before now. Remember my principle: real life is never only about four or five people, so book-length fiction ought not to be so restricted either. Bidyang gave his pupils leave to meet the Elf and ask him questions. Malafesh, meanwhile, got right to the point with Elijah and Brewster:

"I asked God to make you ready to hear this and to take relevant action. I know that you, Brewster, have heard of what the crude Gnomes call the Loathsome Frozen Scab on the South Pole's Fanny."

Elijah had not heard THIS NAME for it, but he made an intelligent guess: "That sounds as if it might signify a former hot spring, which finally exhausted its volcanic heat and froze over."

"Close enough," Brewster told him, then once more faced Malafesh, who resumed:

"All of the Gnomes in Ruffnekkiya are convinced that what was under that roof of ice-- has moved. That whatever it is, older for certain than any known settlement in Ruffnekkiya, can travel in secret tunnels, or in the water table. It is keeping hidden from our sight, and is intent upon joining forces with evils better known to us, evils downstream."

"Does anyone have evidence to indicate HOW FAR NORTH it plans to travel?" asked Elijah.

"Elves with whom I've spoken, including Finvoldin, believe that it is aiming for Gloomenghast. The little-understood unhealthy influence which has made that realm less wholesome than any others along the river must be something which the ice-born evil thinks can be its ally."

"Then some of us must meet with King Sickulsell, and ask his leave to poke around--try to uncover what's hidden there," said Brewster.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Ensign Strandwick, what is your view of our progress with the prairie nations?"

"General, sir, it seems to me that the success of your policy is snowballing. The more ground we gain in befriending them, the more ground we CAN gain. I believe that by the time you are free to return home and marry Miss Daisy Anne Marshwood, we will enjoy friendly relations with peoples farther west than any of us, or even people from Hultisnar, have ever ventured."

(NOTE TO READERS: In our world, the military junior-officer title "Ensign" was not always limited to seagoing forces. The army of Juliet-Andrea the First, like True Earth's British Army in the Napoleonic era, had this rank.)

The Dragoon General of Austreejuntzland was on the march. Notable prairie tribesmen accompanying him were young Climbs-To-Moon, and the older Best Rope Maker of the Washadoli. (I repeat that the first syllable in his tribe name rhymes with "splash.") When Climbs-To-Moon wasn't scaling cliffs, he rode a conventional pony. Best Rope Maker's mount was much more unusual: a horned female of the yellow bison domesticated by the Washadoli. He called her Goldenface. She wore the first trial model of horse-type armor produced by the skilled workers attached to General Brendan's regiment.

Best Rope Maker, brawny though he was, was agile enough to stand up on Goldenface's back for periods of time. It was while doing this, not long after a rest stop, that the Washadoli brave sighted approaching riders in the east-by-southeast.

"Chief Cornell! White men are coming our way. They bear weapons, but they are not fanning out for attack."
 
Last edited:
Sir Tandauzer lacked precise guidance to locate General Brendan, but he did come across Sergeant Rutger Sharpe, who was scouting around with Jardekka braves. He told them, in essence: "Your General is going to meet with persons you may have heard of, persons grimly familiar with peril."

Rutger nodded. "So we understand. The General has a Washadoli elder with him, and the wagon-roamers also know much of the world's darkness. Let's try to overtake them." As they set out together, Tandauzer barraged the soldiers with questions. The knight of Gloomenghast had fought evil men and feral beasts in his time, but had never taken part in a mass battle between armies.



The Dragoons had been met by Steward Rawhide of Gloomenghast. "Which is General Brendan?"

Cornell approached him. "I am he. I visited the great castle twice in youth, when Horace Graydust was the steward. Some said that Graydust was less than boundlessly enthusiastic for his duties-- but that you are his very opposite."

"Thank you, my lord. At least one thing has come of my diligence. I once discovered an almost forgotten cellar, with a floor drain which I could not verify as being connected to anything else. If any subtle evil desires to sneak into the great castle, that is where I would look for it."

"Very well; if we proceed immediately to the western entrance, will we disturb any rituals?"

"No, my lord. The only ceremony slated for today is one in which our window washers and rug beaters do each other's tasks."



Sharpe's party had reached the marshland in time to have some of the woodcarvers lead them on the surest path to a castle entrance on that side. People needed to ask people to ask people to ask if the latest arrivals might come in. Eventually someone of importance officially welcomed them: Princess Frootsalda Gloom, accompanied by a short middle-aged womanservant. Frootsalda greeted them in her father's name, while her gaze alternately wavered between Sergeant Sharpe and the warrior Climbs-To-Moon. She also introduced her servant, as Mrs. Jocelyndra Trover, and her courtesy with a menial scored points for her in the eyes of the visitors.

Besides noting the royal daughter's good nature with subordinates, the prairie brave enjoyed being apparently admired by a good-looking woman around his age. Rutger, by contrast, got straight to business. "Your Highness, has the General from Austreejuntzeeland been received by your parents?"

"By my latest notice, you are barely an hour ahead of him. If any soldier is interested in secrets of the castle's depths, Alfred Broomcloset will offer to bend his ear. He performed my father's routine health examination for this tenday on the morning before last."

When the regiment was admitted into the castle's outer bailey, King Sickulsell had stable grooms and kitchen workers see to their needs, then received General Brendan in one of the cooler chambers in the castle. Informed that friends were already in Gloomenghast, the General detailed Ensign Strandwick to meet with Sergeant Sharpe's party and exchange news. Thus our narrative draws closer to letting the good guys discover how the whole underground-evil subplot fits together.
 
Last edited:
)))))) Let's see now, allowing for the complications of ocean travel AGAINST the prevailing current on Punksteema, I can figure that a top-notch merchant crew could convey Sir Ronald's party as far as Tohaz, efficiently enough that they made landfall two days AFTER General Brendan and friends got their chance to join other good guys at investigating the ominous underground stream. No telephone service thereabouts, thus chronology ought not get all scrambled up.

Witnessing what an adept young craftsman Hostiguth Yorof (first name rhymes with "truth") was, and realizing that one didn't have to be a Towerman to learn self-defense, Ronald and Billyboy concurred that Master Yorof should be above all regarded as a Captain of Skilled Labor in the making. While still at sea, in view of how adroitly Hostiguth handled a long, straight, needle-pointed leather punch, Ronald trained him in knife fighting. After arriving in Tohaz, the veteran Towerman would purchase a short double-barrelled shotgun for the young man to practice using. "Let's provide him with solid-slug rounds," Billyboy urged, "so he's less likely to hit bystanders in a shootout."

"Good thinking. I believe I shall tell him that his most likely role in a serious fight will be to fire one shot to make our enemies take cover; wait to see where WE are before loosing his second shot; then stay under cover and reload while you and I wear down our enemies."

In the principal seaport, though not immediately encountering anybody they knew, the travelers heard from an innkeeper many fragments of regional news. Of greatest interest were the peacemaking efforts of Dragoon General Brendan to the west, the occasional visits by Tengu, and the fact that Brewster of Goliad was taking part in hunting clues about events to the south.

Right now, though, let's revisit my counterparts of the Dashwood sisters in Jane Austen's novel Sense and Sensibility. While I think of it: in Jane Austen's time, the word "sensibility" did NOT mean being sensible; it meant being ruled by emotions. Being sensi-TIVE as we would say it. We prepare to look in on Daisy Anne Marshwood, at Hardbiscuit Cottage in Beldamore Shire.




"He doesn't love me AT ALL!" Daisy Anne wailed to little sister Marjorie. "He only cares about looking good in uniform with a stupid saber, making men play soldier to entertain himself! How did I ever let him persuade me to marry him???"

The youngest of the Marshwood sisters had done more growing up after they lost their father than the middle sister had. "That isn't fair, Daisy. The General had to see some of his men DIE, protecting our Jardekka friends."

Daisy Anne scowled still harder. "And the confounded Queen allowed the Jardekka to fall into the madness of war! Am I supposed to feel better about OUR people dying, because Jardekka people ALSO die? It takes two sides to fight; if we left the plains people alone, they would leave us alone-- and I would have a husband by now!"

Marjorie finally frowned back. "Daisy, I've grown up with you. Every time someone provokes YOU, you never say it's equally your fault. You always declare yourself innocent, because it's all the other person's fault. No 'both sides guilty' for you."

"Then let the General COME HOME and lecture me about it! At least then I'll have a LIVING husband."



Back in Gloomenghast Land, any of Brendan's tribesman companions who have not been otherwise accounted for, were mingling with the outer-dwellers. From the locals, the plains rovers gathered bits of lore about necromancers. That's necromancers, plural. Gloomenghast's history went way back, and there HAD been at least one corpse- caller before Jaheg-Jorod.

This early necromancer had been female, and had especially liked cold environments. One of several names given to her was Nazuvuzid. The General's tribal friends were not slow to mention their inference about this to the white dragoons.
 
Last edited:
"Excellently done, Star Swallower. I've tested these, and they will work perfectly for magic-absorption." Paoyasti Fonkifu, the She-Elf who was also a Frantic Druid, suddenly kissed the younger Frantic Druid. "Not for nothing that you mastered breathing water."

The son of Bexpodo Yellowstem beamed with satisfaction. Every new success he achieved helped to erase his former embarrassment over failing to accomplish much with his use of an undead horde a year or two ago. Spell-casting with black sponges, when done by Paoyasti, would go far to tie the hands of good-aligned magic-users.

"Then say, great Paoyasti: will the ancient Nazuvuzid consent to align with us?"

"No reason why she shouldn't. Any minor jealousy she might feel toward Druids cannot be so intense as to outweigh our shared antipathy for the ridiculous advocates of boring goodness."



In Tohaz, an adolescent male Tengu named Sidzenso came to the combined home and workshop of Bretpord Kleevon, the master bladesmith who had previously forged claw-swords for Wyatt Hickok and his apprentices Lagmarosk and Frethric.

"Master Kleevon, you are well versed in supernormal matters, as confirmed by your not being startled to see me."

The armorer nodded. "May I offer you some refreshment?"

"Yes, thank you. Long flights produce thirst. And may the All-Maker shield this household against evil." Once amenities had been satisfied, Bretpord asked, "Is there a particular evil close at hand?"

"Very possibly. Have you ever heard of an ancient evil human witch named Nazuvuzid, may Heaven thwart all her foul designs?"

"I have. Legend has it that she produced undead beings called Whitewashers. Good-aligned clerics could discourage them, but the Whitewashers could only be KILLED in four ways: by strong magic, by weapons made of obsidian, by flame, or by chopping them into pieces so small that they could not reassemble themselves."



Ronald of Goliad, Billyboy Jeralo the good-aligned werebeast, and Hostiguth Yorof the leatherworker arrived at the same waterfront in time for the Towerman to encounter Sidzenso. Billyboy and Hostiguth were shopping for the desired shotgun which Hostiguth could learn to use. When the young Tengu repeated to Ronald what he had discussed with Mister Kleevon.

"Yes, I know about Navuzuvid," Ronald assured Sidzenso. "Serious business."

Thus the setup for what we'll see when we next visit Punksteema.
 
Last edited:
WELCOME BACK to the Angola of Earth-Whichever: specifically to see what the kung-fu spouses are up to.
'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''
"Sakwiha Damasco, thank you for coming," said the smoothest voice Upside-Down Leopard could utter. "I hear only good things about your poverty-relief efforts. You are especially remarkable for the pragmatic approach you take to the most altruistic of occupations."

"My volunteers all are trained in diplomacy. Independent 'militia' bands realize that we're not competing with them for dominance. We've done well at persuading people to forget, or at least postpone, feuds and brawls. The eighteenth-century Quakers are our greatest role models."

Sakwiha's tone when replying bespoke the sincerity which suited her to become a Heart Sapphire, even before she knew what this meant. No one with power to detect evil would be alerted by her use of the small artifact, since she wouldn't BE doing any evil. The Triad gangsters didn't object to getting credit for the deeds of compassion they were facilitating.

One-eyed Vilkarezdu Kahilu, pregnant with Kahilu Baloval's quadruplets, had not yet received a replacement for her power-gem. The Thumpercolts, minus Useless Agent, had now shown up, and would see to the couple's safety. This gave a free hand to Nitara "Golden Rakshasa" Bagram, and the Kam-Bao couple, to go after the Triad gangsters who intended to use the stolen Sapphire artifact.
" " " " " " " " " " " "
Since John "Useless Agent" Hiker had been detached to Zimbabwe, his advice to the national forces had turned a stalemate with insurrectionists into victory for the lawful government. While still needed to give input in the aftermath, he could report to General Moss alias Red Chunk that this threat was blunted. Being also experienced in administration, Moss flew south to join John Hiker. Dirtypool, Taskmistress and Alchemistress remained with Golden Rakshasa, Master Kam and Mistress Bao. Patsy Slippage, cousin of the more-famous Doc Slippage, came from Zambia to join them.

An extraordinarily beautiful woman, VERY human apart from the purely superficial distinction of bright orange skin and hair, came along with Patsy. Jidong-Sadeem was one of the former War Witches who had changed sides to goodness on Earth-Whichever after the downfall of Trippenwonk and Twerpseid. (I remind readers that my "War Witches" are nowhere near as strong as the "Furies" in DC Comics animation shows.) Since her conversion, Jidong-Sadeem had been learning to practice niceness, encouraged by Golden Rakshasa among others. Lately she had been assisting the public-works project Patsy was overseeing back in Zambia. A few of the soldiers who had been on protective duty where Patsy worked were with her still, having cleared their presence with Angolan authorities.

"Namaste," Nitara Bagram said, advancing to embrace her extraterrestrial friend before greeting Patsy also. "Engineer Slippage, is your Zambian operation in good hands?"

"Yes, it can proceed smoothly. Are you planning some fun?"

"You bet. Your Cousin Kirk shouldn't have all the excitement! Kam, Bao, and some Angolan troops with your Zambians in tow, will be hunting, more or less openly, for 'ordinary' criminals. You and I, with Jidong, will be joined by the available Thumpercolts, which I guess means Dirtypool and Taskmistress, and be as inconspicuous as we can while hunting for Upside-Down Leopard's gang. Cadenza Mundayne the Alchemistress will work on methods for tracking someone who's using a teleportation mirror."

Before parting, Alchemistress gave Patsy, Nitara, Jidong, Dirtypool and Taskmistress a potion which would enable them to sense, at least generally, if hostile magic was at work somewhere nearby.

Author Insert: If I'm forgetting any statement that Flying Elephant is supposed to be on scene, just assume that he is accompanying the kung-fu couple and the "regular" uniformed troops.
 
Last edited:
"Commandant, you remember some of us from the Trippenwonk War. What you're facing now is lawbreakers native to our own Earth, but enjoying the use of some alien technology. May we be allowed to view reports of crimes in Angola?" Patsy Slippage, well versed in cooperating with civil authorities, got her own posse's mission off on good footing.

On their first full day of sniffing for a trail, they had a surprise which would have been stupefying-- if Earth-Whichever had not seen extraterrestrials in abundance just a few years earlier. Some guy somewhat like the Silver Surfer, but with hair and not needing a board to fly in space, introduced himself. "I am the Impunity Man, servant of King Highfyver, the sovereign of New Restfulness." (Impunity Man used that old world-name because he remembered better times, when Highfyver had still been willing to kick the butts of evildoers.) "I now entrust you with a Heart Sapphire, which must be delivered to the woman for whom it is intended. You will know the right woman on sight, because she has only one eye, and is married to a man who possesses the rare gift of manifesting sorcery through physical substance."

"That husband sounds like he could be Cadenza's brother," Patsy commented as she accepted the artifact. An instant later, Impunity Man was gone, leaving an echo in the ears of the Earthlings. It sounded like, "Hi-yo hyperspace, away!"

" " " " " " " " " " " "

In Zimbabwe, John Hiker gave the General an efficient report of actions against the insurgents. Everything was looking favorable. John didn't remark on it, but he noticed that Timothy Moss was wearing his transformation trousers. Even my Dancing Lawn story is more logical than TV or movies about what should happen to a pair of pants if the wearer suddenly grew in size by 200 percent. The pants the General wore now had been designed by an exceptional tailor of sportswear; legs, crotch and seat were intricately pleated, would expand smoothly when Moss began Chunking out, and could be slowly re-folded when he reverted. The latter action took much longer; this, besides protecting his identity, was an additional reason why he usually didn't switch back to normal until he was out of sight.

Taskmistress called the General to report when Vilkarezdu received her replacement Heart Sapphire. This loose end being resolved, the Zimbabwean detachment of Thumpercolts offered to help make sure things were quiet.

Things were not going to stay quiet. Back in America, Meemeemee Drillgums had scavenged and stolen enough hardware and power supplies that she could fly in under an airliner on takeoff, attaching herself to the plane's fuselage. She was smart enough to plot out in advance which trans-Atlantic route was shortest. Two preliminary hitched flights placed her at the best spot for the ocean transit. She was thrilled at the prospect of keeping a straight face while telling BLACK Africans that they were WHITE supremacists.

She had no inkling that Roby Doby had found out her travel scheme, and was passing what he knew to Golden Rakshasa, Patsy Slippage and other heroes.

" " " " " " " " " " " "

"I am High-End Heart! You'll thank me for showing you how to handle elephants!"

Zimbabwean game wardens, each of whom was a recognized and accepted friend of the herd in the game preserve, had been conducting wellness checks. Elephants of all ages had greeted them with casual trunk touches. The first intimation the wardens had gotten of trouble was when they perceived that the herd members were listening to a sound not yet audible to the men.

"Stupid animals, go north! I'm telling you, go NORTH! You don't know anything!"

When Meemeemee Drillgums did her noisy flyover, the elephants had taken off at a right angle: alarmed, but not so panicked as crowds fleeing in a monster movie. They made sure not to step on any humans in their path. But it wasn't necessary for the wardens to radio for help. High-End Heart's incursion had been foreseen.

Meemeemee's elation at being powerful was cut off when a translucent blade of red light sheared her drive nozzles. She screamed in sudden fear of a hard fall, but then the solid light reshaped itself into a globe all around her. She had enough wits about her to notice that the movable trap was letting air in. When it lowered her to the plains grass, she beheld a fair-skinned woman, who had a red gem attached to her forehead-- and who had ONE eye, directly under the gem.

"Spoiled brat, game's over," said Vilkarezdu. "The universe is NOT all about you. Red Chunk, she's all yours."

Timothy Moss had practiced targeting his leaps more carefully. From a kilometer away, he soared into view, not harming people, animals or things. Only after landing did he pick apart her armor, dropping ripped-away pieces no bigger than coffee cups. She forced herself not to sob and cry, but couldn't restrain her bladder. She shrieked incoherently about racism and sexism, but no one was impressed-- least of all the elephants.

And just like that, the young woman who had chosen to believe she was better than everyone was doomed to be insignificant. Ordinary prison time would be the biggest adventure she could anticipate ever again.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top