Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Deuce Wayans, Alvin Springbuck and Chang-Shi Kirby (the latter two being Street Bat's closest confidants, who at times had filled in for Deuce in that persona) had learned (via the sensory power of Deuce's Green Flashlight artifact) that an evil creature had formerly visited a major underground hideout where Street Bat suits were kept. After an urgent discussion, Alvin's recommendation prevailed: "Our enemies hoped we wouldn't realize that they found this grotto; so let's not let _them_ know that >we< know that _they_ were here. The suits can be replaced."

Deuce asked his henchmen to keep on top of events in the United States, while he, in his Green Flashlight capacity, flew to Omsk in the Union of Cooperative Collective Republics. Contacts in China had passed clues to Deuce about uncertain villainy afoot there in the Russian East. I remind my readers that, on this Earth-variant, the equivalent of True Earth's Red China is both less powerful and less tyrannical than its template. (For one thing, the entire Korean Peninsula on Bat-Earth is Russian-controlled.)

Note: Lavrenty Borisovich Bakunin, a major executive in the U.C.C.R.'s energy industry, is dating a Yakut woman from a respectable family. Nariyana Aytalovna Keskil is learning about Lavrenty's goal of shaming people out of resisting evil. More to come.

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In the Union of Cooperative Collective Republics, as in its Original Earth counterpart, a sort of cereal called kasha is a very common food for breakfast. This was what Lavrentiy and Nariyana ate for breakfast on the morning when we pick up their arc. The first thing Lavrentiy says in this scene is based on the natural science OF BAT-EARTH, independently from Original Earth.

"I've been waiting to say this until I was confident you would want in on this project. It's about the bacteria that live inside our natural-gas deposits. We believe something very special can be done with them."

Nariyana was always at her calmest when goaded by curiosity. "If you only meant something about improving kilometer-age in propane-fueled vehicle engines, you probably wouldn't have needed to hesitate before you confided in me about, whatever this is."

"It >is< more than ski-truck fuel, all right. It's about living creatures, human or otherwise, benefiting by _inhaling_ natural gas."

The young Yakut woman's eyes widened. "What, will experimental volunteers grow wheels on their feet?"

"Not that bizarre. A mutated strain of the gas-well bacteria may give _energy_ to living beings."

"Do you mean physical, kinetic strength, or something _more_ startling?"

Lavrentiy glanced around, although no one else was within hearing. "At least physical, but conceivably more besides."

Both partners knew at least a little about the appearances of the earth-dragon in the Western Hemisphere, but neither of them had any cause to think that Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin had anything to do with Siberian gas wells.

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Back in America, Beatrice Wayans arranged for sleeping quarters to accommodate Washday and Sybil. Maxie Viva had been messaged about performing for "Be The Change;" she was expected to be able to fly in the next day to confer with foundation executives. Before sleeping, the two guests .enjoyed watching the video record of a self-criticism session among proletarians. Neither woman felt the least bit bad for this degradation being visited upon persons who _weren't_ among The Beautiful People......

FIRST MALE URBAN PEASANT: I need to confess that my sentiments are undisciplined. I am guilty of dwelling irresponsibly upon my pre-enlightenment immaturity. I have been so solipsistic as to _wish_ I still were living in the old, un-mutual way. I have chronically drifted back in thought to when I only knew five or six humans living within sight of my inefficient, environmentally unsound unitary domicile.

UGLY WOMAN FACILITATOR: Don't be overly rough on yourself. The Life Avenues have not yet existed long enough to purge out individualistic engrams from the group consciousness. Is that not so?

ENTIRE GROUP: So it is, Facilitator!

FIRST MALE: Thank you so much, everyone.

FIRST FEMALE URBAN PEASANT: My own greatest hurdle to overcome was a matter of prehistoric instinct.

FRIEND WHO CAME WITH HER, addressing Facilitator: I was privy to much of her struggle; she's done well.

FIRST FEMALE: Thank you, Jessamine. (To the group) I do, after all, want to learn the love of the collective.

FACILITATOR: I'm encouraged, sister. (Looking at another of the men present) How about you, Charlie? As a former drone of the military death machine, have you absorbed enough of the light of oneness to cut off your hateful past?

SECOND MALE URBAN PEASANT: Yes, and I can't say too strongly how grateful I am to the community for setting me free from hate and exclusion. By loving the everything, I am _becoming_ the everything.

SECOND FEMALE URBAN PEASANT (besides the one called Jessamine): That's the same awakening which helped me to realize that humans are not omnivores, that Goddess Universe expects us to choose veganism.

THIRD MALE URBAN PEASANT: When I arrived at the same epiphany, it struck me that I should have understood how my charcoal grill was polluting the ecosystem of Mother Gaia.....

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When Maxie Viva arrived and was introduced to Beatrice Wayans, she could share how she was working on a new song:

"I'm not vain, I just know everything is about me....."
 
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Back in the Omsk region, Lavrentiy cleared Nariyana to accompany him into the secret facility where animal testing was in progress.

"See this reindeer fawn? She was raised by humans from birth. She was always treated kindly, so she regards all humans as friends. Now you'll see why it was necessary to prevent her from ever having bad feelings toward people."

The eleven-month-old fawn, thinking of her actions as a game her humans had taught her, demonstrated her ability to shatter concrete blocks with her front hooves.

"She is also resistant to damage. It would take a very high-velocity bullet to penetrate her skin."

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Deuce Wayans, in his Green Flashlight capacity, was able to do enough scanning to gather that animals were being experimented on inside the installation in the tundra. He could even discern that one living creature inside appeared to have extraordinary physical strength, but was not harming any of the people there who spent time with it.

All right, file this place for later follow-up. Now, back to tracking the earth-dragon.

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Benjamin Wayans, elder brother of Street Bat, still was running the Audacious Angus Ranch in the east central Colorado of Bat-Earth. His wife Isobel, their grown son Bartolomeo, their pre-teen daughter Esmeralda, and younger son Mateo. Alvin Springbuck, one of Deuce's top henchmen, came to visit the ranch one day, driving a tour bus which contained fourteen trim, energetic Chinese girls of ages twelve through sixteen.

Mateo greeted them. "Are these the acrobats you've been messaging my Dad about?"

"Yes, the ones that Chang-Shi's nephew Huei-Bo interviewed."

"You picked a good time to bring them. Guest quarters are all set up, and Shirley Digs-Many-Roots arrived yesterday." Mateo was referring to a young woman of Cheyenne ancestry, who had won prizes as a stunt equestrian in the animal-safe rodeos which were allowed in this America. Revising rodeo events to eliminate cruelty to animals was one decree by the ruling party which citizens like Ben Wayans were pleased to comply with. Ben's family, assisted by the visiting Beijing Opera students, was proactively planning a _diversified_ humane rodeo. Shirley and the Chinese girls would spend the next four days getting acquainted with bulls and horses at the Double-A, letting their scent become familiar to those animals.

Next, performance actions would be rehearsed within their sight, not too close. Eventually, the animals should be sufficiently at ease to be unworried when the Chinese girls and the Cheyenne horsewoman hurried back and forth _among_ them.
 
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( ( ( ( More to come with Street-Bat when I decide WHAT comes next.

We now resume business on Punksteema, in Wellvernia, since we're barely started with Austreejuntzland. Yes, that place name IS meant to suggest the word "Regency." Austreejuntzland's capital is Pitcherton, close to where the northward-flowing Six Nations River enters Tohaz.

Queen Juliet-Andrea the First is the only child of King Spencer the Fourth. In a previous post, she received a visitor from the land of Hultisna, which lies west of Tohaz: Count Peltovrik of Welskark, the wealthiest of all Hultisnar nobles below the "Duke" level, seeking a marriage alliance. (He is even offering a pre-nup, agreeing that he himself cannot ever become King of Austreejuntzland. Not even Regent, because that post could be used as a backdoor means of usurpation.)

For T.D.L. members who have read, or seen a movie of, Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, I am going to pick up with a character based on the kindly Sir John Middleton in that book.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Be a good dog now, let the rabbits pass. They don't steal much."

Sir Sean Fiddleton strolled forth from his manor house, cane in hand, bound at a leisurely pace for Hardbiscuit Cottage, which stood on his property, having a view of a modest lake fed by a tributary stream of the Six Nations River. Beside him, tail held high, walked Readyrough, his powerful but good-tempered wolfhound. (Elves had placed a virtue upon Readyrough's bloodline, conferring power against evil magical beings.)

Hardbiscuit was currently occupied by Sean's widowed younger cousin, Lavinia Fiddleton Marshwood, and her three daughters. Sean charged them a token rent, in order to preserve their dignity, but he and his wife Sylvestra provided Lavinia with so much food and other provision that the four tenants were paying virtually nothing in the net outcome.

"Uncle Sean!" exclaimed an eight-year-old girl, trotting toward her family's benign landlord. Readyrough wagged his tail and accepted a hug from the child. Marjorie Marshwood addressed her cousin-once-removed as "Uncle," because he seemed like an uncle to them.

She now asked him, "Did the post rider come?" This, because letters for Hardbiscuit Cottage always came to the manor house first.

"Yes, girl; there's a letter for your sister Elsa, and one for Daisy. From their gentlemen, respectively."

Marjorie grasped the offered envelopes, then took off running for home. Readyrough loped beside her, because he loved to run and because he was confident that no danger was looming over his master at present.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Most Esteemed Miss Daisy Marshwood,

I am at liberty now to tell you that the Queen's Dragoons acquitted themselves both valiantly and successfully against the enemies of our Jardekka friends. I regret to inform you that your acquaintances Private Yarbellum and Private Himmergan were among our losses, but they went down performing their duty without a flaw. I have also informed their parents.

I shall not push the subject of setting a date for our nuptials. I am detained in connection with ensuring that the hostages taken from the aggressors (in return for us not executing enemy prisoners out of hand after their treacherous actions) will be well housed, and allowed to attend an Austreejuntzland school on equal footing as other students. My invaluable Color Sergeant will assume responsibility for protecting these hostages from suffering any abuse.

I eagerly anticipate visiting your most excellent family once more, as soon as my duties permit it.

Your devoted servant, Cornell Brendan
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

My Darling Elsa,

As of half an hour before I started writing this letter, I am ordained as a parson in the Church of Pitcherton. I shall, as we hoped, be assigned as an assistant to the vicar in your own parish. Despite his rheumatism, Vicar Westerdown pledges not to retire before he officiates at our wedding. I expect no opposition to Cousin Sean standing as my best man. I kiss you from a distance.

With indescribable passion, Heathwell
============

Even with his top enlisted man overseeing the hostage transfer, General Brendan had his hands full. Shortly after his letter to Daisy was accepted by a courier, messengers came from prairie tribes which had had no part in the recent crisis. Brendan owed it to their prestige to confer with them in person. Their meeting, facilitated by Jardekka tribesmen, produced an unanticipated new initiative. On short notice, ten seasoned Jardekka braves joined Brendan-- and a dragoon corporal named Rutger Sharpe-- in accompanying the visitors back to their comparatively distant territories. It was a once-in-a-career opportunity to strengthen Austreejuntzland's diplomatic standing among Wellvernian countries. Brendan was well enough informed to have heard about Prince -Consort Felipe of Mifdola achieving peace with the Sledge Nomads; he hoped now to accomplish something similar on the southern continent.

It did, however, keep Cornell Brendan away from Daisy Anne Marshwood for many days more.
 
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Your author now reviews the party which came north from Ruffnekkia, which is the homeland of the "Whistlers" who are kindred spirits to Towermen and Smoke Maidens. The presence of Brewster of Goliad (friend to Towerman Ronald) testified to this kinship. Christian cleric Elijah Parsifal is in the party. The others are Whistler Jerkysalt of Sneeziya (who looks like Henry Cavill with white hair, his elvish girlfriend Veevalamora Heartlifter, the Shangri mystic Sotavang, and the Datsunsha martial artist Gwazpor son of Gwaztu (Distant Waterfall style). Note that Sotavang is able to hear from Habohai, the Uzakmid of Shangri-Blah (analogous to a Dalai Lama), who is also able to communicate with Austreejuntzland.

Completely unconnected with the travelers from the frigid latitudes, a party of Austreejuntzlanders was trekking up the Six Nations River (which, along this shallow river, meant going south). Not only did they know nothing about the Ruffnekkian Whistler's team, but they also knew nothing about Darden Quicktrout, the renegade from Gloomenghast who had murdered the master cook Gimshelter. Darden had failed to frame Steward Rawhide for the crime, but now hoped to pose as an artist in Austreejuntzland, leaving the dreary ancient castle behind. Omniscient narrator knows that the former apprentice of Master Picknitz will team up with the scoundrel John Weatherby-- who, of course, will want to steal Daisy Marshwood.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Okay, we'll say that this kingdom is segmented into ten or eleven shires. The Marshwoods reside in Beldamore Shire, and Cornell Brendan's ancestral home is in the next shire west, called Tasmuth. Both shires are south of the royal palace.

Having formed an alliance with John Weatherby, who had some cash to spare, Darden Quicktrout approached the Fiddleton household on the back of a mule, bringing wooden sculptures which he had in fact made for sale. He didn't have a conscience, but he did possess talent. Sean's wife Henrietta met him at the front door, with Readyrough at her side. The hound, who could sense if anyone intended bodily harm to his humans, had rather less intuition for someone sleazy merely wanting to get established in a neighborhood. Perhaps Readyrough would have picked up more of a sinister vibe if the man Quicktrout slew had not himself been evil. He didn't go alert against the stranger as with an enemy, only acted stand-offish. A sale was made, some of the carvings being suitable for the manorhouse library.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Back in Gloomenghast, King Sickulsell and Queen Zatruga, with Princess Frootsalda their firstborn, were performing another of their myriad ceremonies. Every working-class castle resident older than eight years and younger than thirty-three extended their left hands toward King, Queen and Princess in turn. The royals clasped left hands with all of the menials, and the menials walked away humming a very old melody. Master Picknitz could verify that this ritual dated back to the fourth King of Gormenghast, in whose time the great castle had been smaller.

Not being the firstborn of his royal generation, Typhus Gloom was paying a chaste and courtly visit to Jerusha Whitegrove, niece of Doctor Broomcloset. The physician's sister Irma Broomcloset-- younger, healthier and smarter than her counterpart Irma Prunesquallor in the Gormenghast novels-- had married Remick Whitegrove, a teacher and the son of a teacher. Remick's father Varney had immigrated to Gloomenghast Land from Austreejuntzland, with a calling to increase learning for the lower-class residents of the Glooms' domain. Earning respect-- since the Glooms were not opposed to literacy among their people-- Varney had married an older female cousin of Sir Tandauzer, and she had given him five children, including Remick who would become Jerusha's father.

"My mother," Jerusha was telling Typhus, "only lately took a sudden interest in the relationship between odd and even numbers in multiplication."

"How so?"

Doctor Broomcloset, naturally talkative, interjected: "If you read through multiplication tables, you'll see more even-number than odd-number answers."

Taking his esteemed host's chatter in stride, Typhus resumed: "That's because if you multiply an even number by an even number, or even by odd, the answer is always even. Only odd times odd produces odd. Mistress Whitegrove knew logically that there couldn't really be more even than odd numbers. It was one of those things which are so obvious, you don't think of them. All prime numbers except two are odd, because no even number above two can be a prime number. This balances the even-number answers."

Doctor Broomcloset suddenly took a tangent in conversation, returning to a long-ignored but never-forgotten subject from his private conversations with Typhus. "You know that there have only been three sovereign queens of Gloomenghast. As far as I can tell, you don't want to rule the castle when your father passes away; but neither do you want your sister to be accused of cunningly influencing you in that direction."

Jerusha didn't speak it aloud, but she felt good that Prince Typhus was letting her in on private confidences.

In the fiction of Original Earth novelist Mervyn Peake, Titus Groan had run away from Gormenghast because it had become unbearable to him, especially once his cherished sister offed herself. Gloomenghast, however, was not nearly as isolated as the existentially- despondent castle in the trilogy, Frootsalda didn't commit suicide, and Typhus reckoned that he could venture away from home without it being an irrevocable departure. He had mentioned this prospect to his non-blood -related inner circle, mainly Doctor Broomcloset and Sir Tandauzer.
 
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The riverside road from the south was safe enough that travelers with reasonable caution, in adequate numbers, had very little to fear. I think I said that Jerkysalt's party made it to the south edge of Gloomenghast Land, and got to speak with locals. I'll say now that they withdrew a bit southward, then booked rooms at a secure inn, so they could brainstorm about what they might do among the marsh dwellers closer to the castle. Let the reader assume that everything which ought to be considered, was considered.

It wasn't usual for crude ruffians to stir up trouble in the morning, but it did occur here. Ox-wagon drivers, numerous enough to give all good guys enough punching bags, arrived at the inn, bellowing even before they requested food or anything else.

RUFFIAN #1: "I smell the (naughty language) stink of Ruffnekkians who think they're better than us!"

RUFFIAN #2: "I smell the stink of (naughty language) Elves who think they're better than us!"

RUFFIAN #3 (dropping a dirty hand onto Gwazpor's shoulder): "Ugly boy, did you get enough sleep to show us---"

RUFFIAN #4 (almost simultaneously reaching toward Veevalamora at a particularly impolite level): "I bet no Elf-man ever gave you--"

RUFFIAN #5 (trying to grab Jerkysalt's loose white hair): "Sissy dude, I feel like--"

Additional ruffians were already hefting truncheons and knives, but were initially concerned to prevent the inn's owner and workmen from helping the good guys. Consequently, they failed to see the first two seconds of what happened to the first five wagoneers.

Ruffian Three never knew how it happened, but his arm which had touched the Datsunsha warrior was broken in two places. Veevalamora struck Ruffian Four in the throat, just barely short of killing him. Gwazpor moved on and plowed into the ruffians farther back; Jerkysalt joined him after body- slamming Ruffian Five. Brewster and Elijah took down Ruffians One and Two respectively. Close on the heels of this, the innkeeper and his men seized the opportunity to produce firearms, which they would not have dared to use while innocent people were exposed to peril.

The innkeeper boomed at the humiliated rowdies: "If anyone had died here, it would have been entirely your fault. Since no magistrate is near here, I impose damage payment on you. You will surrender to me one tenth of all merchandise you are transporting, and relinquish every long-range weapon you possess. Note also that Whistlers, Elves, Datsunsha warriors, Towermen, and prairie tribes with whom I do business, will all be keeping an eye out for you from now on."

Although this incident would not directly affect the diplomatic errand of Cornell Brendan among tribesfolk, he would eventually hear about it.

--- RETAINING ONE PREPARATORY NOTE:
If Typhus leaves Gloomenghast, he will be followed by the dutiful Sir Tandauzer, the one with leather armor and wheel-lock pistols.
 
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*** Beldamore Shire, two days after the letters to Elsa and Daisy, from Heathwell and Brendan respectively, were delivered to Hardbiscuit Cottage:

Tom Hillerman, a sturdy and reliable servant of the Fiddletons, was often delegated to carry out difficult or time-consuming tasks for the Marshwoods: a token of Sir Sean's esteem for his relatives. Today's business was easy and relaxing. Marjorie, little sister of the two Jane Austen-derived ladies who both enjoyed the esteem of capital-G Good Guys, wanted to return a satchel of books to "Uncle Sean," from whom she had borrowed them. Readyrough came along, so that on the way to the manor house Marjorie could ride on the wolfhound's back. Readyrough could have carried an adult person at need, so carrying a child of whom he was fond was no burden.

"Tell me if you would, Miss Marjorie: in what spirits are your sisters as respects their suitors?"

Marjorie had not been sworn to secrecy, wherefore she felt no qualms about replying directly. "Elsa is floating in paradise, looking forward to her wedding. But Daisy is miffed at the General for staying away after he won his battle."

Sean's mood sobered. "Miffed, say you? Does Daisy realize that her husband-to-be is at work seeking to prevent future wars?"

"Mama tells her the same thing, but Daisy says that the General has done enough out there, and she deserves attention."

Sean thought: If enough prairie tribes united against us to penetrate deeply into this kingdom, I suspect that Miss Daisy Anne would not be pleased by the sort of attention they would accord her!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Near the geometric center of Pitcherton Palace was an open quadrangle, usually frequented by the monarch and her ladies in waiting. Trellises with flowering vines flanked each roof-edge; besides lending color, they would catch stray birdies when the women played what amounted to badminton. As we look in on Queen Juliet-Andrea, she was drinking an equivalent of lemonade with her eldest womanservant: Mrs. Falina Corman, wife to a guard sergeant.

"Falina: in deep confidence, what do you think of Count Petrovik?"

"Your Majesty, I believe that he is no more self-seeking than any other not-quite-highest-ranking nobleman, and probably less so than many."

"From what we know about his family, what do you think about them?"

"As far back as I'm aware, none of them ever greatly distinguished themselves in war, including the one war we and they ever fought with Tohaz; but neither did they disgrace themselves. And they have earned a favorable reputation in commerce."

Juliet-Andrea gazed up at the lattices. "Nothing positively disqualifying Petrovik. And his offering to renounce any prospect of himself reigning as a king would seem to speak well of his character."

"Unless he only did it for show, knowing that a foreign count would never have any chance of taking the throne anyway."

"I hate uncertainty."
 
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Back to the Heyho arc!

King Preston Truthside, born on Earth-Whichever before he became arguably the mightiest created being in the mortal-existence dimension of three galaxies, knew about Fuss users, although none of them were native to his Earth-variant. His intergalactic surveillance could not follow events based on the Halo game until that sub-reality acquired material existence, but he soon got up to date with it. He was not free to travel now, since he was needed on Awkwardlisp to control Kaijusaurus and Aqua-Scorpion, but he might be able to facilitate providing supernatural assistance to a materialistic region. When he detected the witch Ickylinn on Heyho Earth, the idea assumed urgency.

Truthside ascertained that the sorcerer Doctor Unusual and Zoorama Sotero-Slippage were tied up helping the good guys on Redundantworld. Fateful Doctor was likewise occupied. But the sorcerer Conn Johnstantine of Terra was available, as were the Fuss up-siders Quinine Sauce and his yellow-skinned Tryyurluck wife Samladel Fripp-Sauce. So Truthside contacted those three, obtained their consent to be "drafted," and then teleported them to where they could meet Avery Thompson and the other heroes involved in capturing Icky-Linn.

The trio had scarcely materialized at their destination before Karbeena Owtfeeld, mistakenly reacting to a perceived threat, whirled to attack the new arrivals. Mister and Missus Sauce together immobilized her by The Fuss without harming her; Conn then said, "We're on your side, just making sure the witch is well subdued." Then the Terran magic-user placed a sleep spell on Ickylinn, while Avery explained to President Hughes what was actually happening. Zubdookree employed Fuss-persuasion to make Earth's President understand that he was being told the truth. Snack and Noherra took on explaining to civilian staff members what was happening. (If I said previously that the diminutive Lodratrid Guft, who looks like Maz in the Sequel Travesty, is with Zubdookree, then she still is.)

Shilkovim of the Bonkalub was one of the first persons not present at the mansion to be advised of what had just occurred.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Depending on whom you spoke to, Doyo Jogtip the Yettisquatch was either the Planetary President of Stretch, or its Governor. Be this as it might, Second Lieutenant Taleb El-Moktar, from the Endrunners Battalion of the Galactic Marines, was on duty right now as Officer of the Day in the planetary capital. They were not guarding the gubernatorial residence, this being the job of the Galactic Army. For this very reason, Rhonda Pilsner and her Skankbelly friend Zafnast could speak privately with Taleb, concerning the fact that they had first been prevented from seeing Doctor Fallacy, then later admitted to her office only to get a run-around.

Taleb soon asked them, "Were you _specifically_ ordered not to tell anyone that you'd come away without the answers you sought?"

Zafnast moved his mandibles in a distinctive manner, then shook his long head. "Excuse me, that was meant to be like a Human shaking his head. No, we were not so instructed." He and Rhonda exchanged a glance.

"In that case....." The lieutenant looked all around. "Listen carefully. I am _not_ suggesting that you clear out of here _before_ anyone grabs your elbows. I'm _certainly_ not suggesting that you head for the last known location of a man from what _might_ be called 'Ringjonn Earth.' I see no reason to allege that such a man enjoys great prestige for helping the Starterus faction to achieve co-existence. Even less am I urging you to look at this data device I just happen to be holding in plain sight, as if, oh, say, it would tell you that location. By no means am I urging you to get going right away, and obtain the support of someone who might bear the nickname of Major Chief. Now I'm going to make my rounds, without any interest in whether anybody lawfully borrows an aircar, helicopter or suchlike."

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Jacob and Raquel, he still armed with his fantasy rifle, she with her Babylon Five-suggested plasma pistol, were at a campsite with Starterus the enormous Juggernasty. Other ex-Congregation members were present, most of them from the Mipstipter species. The winged sapients were listening avidly as Jacob sang chanties and ballads. For this audience, the Major Chief could have been singing centuries-old advertising jingles; _any_ sort of melody was a thrilling novelty for them. Starterus, astronomically more intelligent than the former cannon fodder, had begun thinking whether he could write lyrics in his own language to any of these tunes.

Rhonda and Zafnast showed up at the camp, to be cheerfully welcomed by Starterus. Readers are invited to assume that anything necessary for New Stevie Ray Vaughn to become pals with Jacob, does happen. Stevie, in his original existence on Music Earth, had never been part of any thrilling life-or-death adventures; he was greatly impressed when he heard about Jacob saving teenagers from being murdered in the Sodpile Forest.
 
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Master Yoga-Rug has not been on stage for many chapters now; but at this point, be advised that Only-One Kanoli, and his naturally -bald but humanlike-enough wife Massage Breathless- Kanoli, are free to get back into action. I think I allowed them to have a baby, but you can assume that the Spacewalker family on Planet Kantpoo keeps this baby safe. Yoga-Rug communicated with the Janitors of the Universe, who knew all about the Heyho sub-universe, and they provided instant travel for the Kanolis-- to Planet Bigspoke, where Lieutenant- General Amos Judd is the senior human officer.

Master Katmatao did a flawless job: the Kanolis arrived at the perfect spot. They didn't appear in front of a startled crowd; they were close enough to Judd's headquarters that they knew where they were going, but not so close as to rouse any guards. Both spouses used The Fuss to sweep the area for any indication of potentially hostile watchers.

"All clear," said Only-One, using a language not known anywhere in Heyhoverse worlds.

Massage nodded. "Then calm and casual it is."

Eight Space Army sentries, wearing armor a little short of "Muledeer" quality, but more than sufficient for garrison duty, looked at the approaching up-siders. The senior among them, a woman with buck-sergeant rank, said, "State your business."

"We are explorers who've been outside of U.C. space," Massage told her. "General Judd wants to ask us about our findings."

"General Judd wants to ask about your findings," the sergeant echoed.

Only-One added: "Since this is not a matter of immediate military urgency, the General decided on a 'hide in plain sight' approach for the interview."

"The General decided on a 'hide in plain sight' approach for the interview," the sergeant echoed.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Similar non-violent penetration brought the Kanolis to their goal-- rather anticlimactically. Amos Judd was dictating into an audio recorder with A/I editing (no holographic persona with it, only imposing its _own_ ideas of what he _should_ be saying. The rear-echelon brass-hat was so absorbed in considering himself insightful, that he didn't immediately notice his visitors. The two up-siders entered at the middle of a sentence, but for the reader's convenience I'll include the _first_ eleven words.

"The Friendless, the Varnished, the Congregation, and even the Introductories who were humanity's first major assailants, all had two traits in common: all of them organized their cultures on an unmistakably religious model, with battle-armored rigidity in their moral codes, yet at the same time they omitted any suggestion of a supernatural realm. Sapients less highly evolved than I am would infer that intolerance and hate are _not_ a result of rejecting divine beliefs. But the universe has empowered >me< to see more clearly. Stone-age beings of every rational species unavoidably had superstition before they had knowledge of the actual cosmos. Accordingly, when they did stumble upon scientific method, they reflexively imported their old ignorance into the new realm of objectivity.

"We now stand at a crossing of wormholes. One flight path keeps us-- humans, and the human-friendly races-- on a true course, defining life as we prefer to define it. The other course threatens to engulf us in the fascism of those aliens who have entered our galactic sector uninvited, bringing their mindless hatred of everyone who is different....."

Only-One had figured out where this was going: very much like the way of The Jackalbyte, only without the focus on male-bashing.

"Hello, there." Enough of the Fuss influence was in his greeting that Amos Judd finally looked at him and Massage. Only-One added: "You realize, General, that we who have come from outside your sub-universe enjoy our _own_ diversity of races and cultures,"

"I realize that you who have come from outside my sub-universe enjoy your own diversity of-- wait, now, who _are_ you?"

Only-One and Massage didn't need to say it aloud to each other: something was resisting Only-One's Fuss mind-influence. And they had been told about Mister Tectonic's "T-Sneer" micro-drones. Again using "private" language, Only-One muttered to his wife, "I seem to sense three of the things adhering to his spinal column. Try to determine if they can be removed without injuring him; I'll keep him occupied." The senior up-sider went on in words which Amos Judd could understand.

"General, am I correct in thinking that you say rigid belief systems, with specific rules of morality, are harmful and wrong?"

"Of course they are," Judd harrumphed. "Claiming that you are unquestionably right, that your truth is absolute truth, not only is illogical, it is the _same_ as wishing harm to all who question you!"

"And why is it _wrong_ to wish harm upon others?"

"Because hate is evil!"

Only-One took the gamble: "How can hate >be< evil, if there is no universal standard of justice which _declares_ hate to be evil?"

Now the armchair general was seething. "Because only bigots deal in absolutes!"

"And by what _measurement_ are they bigots?"

"The measurement of evolution by the will of Mother Universe! Love and freedom count for more than facts!"

Only-One went for the figurative kill. "Then you are saying it IS an absolute fact THAT THERE ARE NO absolute facts."

It was the breaking point, Amos Judd leaned his head back, like a spoiled child beginning a tantrum. In fact, just like the strange super-criminal on Seedubb Earth called Wild Whiner. "That's not fair! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Massage snapped: "Now! Hurry!" Her husband exerted a bracing force (from where he stood, it was technically pulling) against Judd's back, focusing it narrowly enough so he wouldn't be negating Massage's exertion upon the T-Sneers. The micro-drones finally broke free, tearing through the fabric of Judd's uniform. Massage Fuss-pulled the man over and beyond the desk, while Only-One hastily raised a hard-set Fuss block against--

The deafening KA-BOOM which destroyed everything breakable behind the desk.

When the soldiers crowded in, weapons leveled, Amos Judd finally revealed some personal quality worthy of a flag officer. "Don't shoot! No threat now! These people are friendlies!"

Unfortunately, Tyrone Glass Nielsen escaped. Fortunately, Lieutenant-General Judd had just become a lot wiser.
 
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Back on Stretch, Doyo Jogtip had facilitated an event rare on this planet: a live-stage outdoor concert. The contrasting singers Jacob Mossyhutch and New Stevie Ray Vaughn had everything they needed for an entertainment success. Sophisticated holographic displays projected paraphrases in many languages, enabling the intent of each performer's songs to be understood. Besides Humans, the audience included Plethmors, Efrachiktu, Yettisquatches, Doladags, Juggernasties, Bonkalub, Skankbellies, Mipstipters and Sankasselum. Even a few multi-limbed Zidmorigs who had lately defected from The Friendless.

Sophisticated holographic projectors displayed multi-lingual explanations of the intent of each song or intro. New Stevie Ray Vaughan began the show, initially singing only three songs on the cheerful end of his rhythm- and-blues repertoire. Between the second and third songs, he spoke to the crowd, leaving time gaps for the translation software to keep up. He told the people: "I understand that many of you, in your former situations, never had the opportunity to discover what we Humans call 'fun.' Fun is like rehabilitating a muscle after it's been sprained. My race, and many others, find that fun, in the form of music and in other forms, improves our productivity."

When Jacob Mossyhutch took the stage, his ballads were by turns inspiring, humorous, tender, solemn, bold, festive, or some combination of these moods. After twenty-six ballads, the Major Chief bowed out, to join his wife Raquel near the front of the audience. New Stevie returned, this time joined by a bass player, a pianist, a drummer, and a man who alternated between tenor saxophone and clarinet. By previous arrangement, several male-female pairs each from the Earthling, Plethmor, Efrachiktu and Mipstipter peoples moved into available areas and began dancing in their various fashions-- which, for the Mipstipters, involved flying. Jacob and Raquel were the first of all non-rehearsed couples to get down with it.

The biggest surprise was the revelation that Mrs. Cortexa 747 had taught Johnny-747 to dance passably. For the courageous, invented- yet-actually -alive android, being touchably real, able TO touch her beloved hero, was beyond computing. Her new brain understood objectively something which would drive most bio-sapients in this reality insane if they learned it: that all of them here had existed in objective reality for scarcely over two years. But they were fully real _now;_ all who had been type-cast as evildoers had the opportunity to be redeemed; and her cherished Master Champ was proving every day that he was no less a gallant knight now than he had been in their imaginary past.

Johnny whirled Cortexa to and fro, tossed her and caught her, switched to something like an old-time tango, and broke step long enough to bombard her with kisses. A few dozen human or near-human civilians, and numerous completely nonhuman persons, marveled at how sentimental _and_ fun-loving this lethal exterminator of evildoers had become.

Before the evening ended, even the Juggernasties were beginning to comprehend fun; and the evening's two solo singers had acquired a galactic fanbase. But Johnny-747 could never completely forget business. Once the celebration broke up, Johnny and Cortexa visited their Efrachiktu friend Quistolo at a subspace radio terminal. The comms tech's furry tail was highly agitated.

He offered the 747's a transcript, saying: "Two friends of the out-spacers we already know are on Bigspoke. They have discovered that Lieutenant-General Judd has been compromised....."
 
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IT'S BEEN MANY MONTHS NOW SINCE I PROVIDED AN IN-DEPTH REVIEW OF PAST PLOT ARCS. I SHALL AT LEAST PROVIDE ENOUGH REMINDERS NOW TO HELP YOU MAKE SENSE OF RETURNING CHARACTERS LIKE THE ONES CURRENTLY IN THE THICK OF ACTION ON REDUNDANTWORLD. MY FIRST REFRESHER WILL GO >FAR< BACK.

Master Yoga-Rug, based on "Yogurt" in "Spaceballs," facilitated multiple very early conversions from evilness to goodness. On Seedubb Earth, Yoga-Rug helped to convert a version of Harley Quinn, who promptly fell in love with my version of Alfred Pennyworth. On U-r-t-h, the first villains to see the light were my versions of Star Sapphire, Atomic Skull and Silver Banshee. Later on the same Earth-variant, a version of Solomon Grundy was brought to the light. On Terra, a separate version of Harley Quinn married a version of Winter Soldier, while a version of Poison Ivy married a version of Sam Wilson. On Earth-Whichever, several War Witches (less powerful versions of the "Furies" in D.C. Fourth World stories) got saved after being captured in the failure of an invasion by my version of Steppenwolf.

Pretty early in the saga, characters based on the MOVIE of "Starship Troopers," NOT on the book, got to meet some DC Comics-based characters, and also visited Planet Freesoil, which contains a hollow-earth inner world based on Edgar Rice Burroughs' Pellucidar series. The "Starship Grunts" got to meet the near-omnipotent good guy King Truthside, and he provided them with improved infantry weapons.

Some redemption arcs were independent from any Earth variants. For instance, my counterpart of Mel Brooks' Dark Helmet turns good after coming to the above-mentioned Freesoil. My versions of Alia Atreides, Leto Atreides Junior, Princess Irulan Corrino and Count Hasimir Fenring all remain, or become, good-aligned. On the less-visited Non-Communist Anime Earth, a monster called Mugwumpa, based on Sailor Moon stories, was chased away after a failed attempt to conquer that Earth; she later was converted to goodness on a non-Earth-derived world.

Unconnected with my Star Sapphire counterpart, a large sorority of artifact-powered persons, all female and all human or near-human, set out to "help" Jersey Earth-- by making people dependent on their constructive, but limited abilities. This turned out to have a cause which even most of the "Heart Sapphires" didn't know: my version of "Highfather" in Fourth World stories was looking to retrieve a copy of my version of the Anti-Life Equation. Heroes from Earth-Whichever (the planet on which "The Thumpercolts" have now been organized) helped to undo the unintentional damage done by the overconfident Heart Sapphires. But this was not before the Sapphire Sisters had accidentally changed some stupid teenage boys into "Cosmic Fact Checkers." These dopey kids flew to Mediumgard Earth, where there are Avengers counterparts called The Revengists. It took along time for the stupid boys to be rounded up and restored to normal.

Worlds based on He-Man and She-Ra cartoons have had contact with characters derived from Dune stories, and have interacted with quite a few Marvel Comics-based characters. This has included my version of The Sorceress visiting Mediumgard Earth.

In a story-region based on Star Wars RATHER THAN on Spaceballs, I say that MY Anakin did not turn bad. He did die, but he died as a hero, destroying my version of Palpatine before Palpatine could ever become an emperor. My version of Padme could be proud of her husband instead of being ashamed of him killing children; therefore, she didn't die of grief, but lived on to raise her versions of Luke and Leia. Ahsoka also existed in this sub-reality as "Nonsmoka," and eventually died defending Planet Riggblit against invaders. My version of The Mandalorian married a blind kung-fu girl, so he could remove his helmet when they were together. They shared adventures on "Planet Powurkord" with a superhero called Black Giraffe, who married a Heart Sapphire named Joza-Varu-Paf (this rhyme is totally coincidence).

Members of the Justified League defended the primitive people of Zazdub World against the evil alien Duke Terror, who also tried to conquer Planet Chimpanzia. My version of the old pulp-novel hero Doc Savage helped in the defense of the Zazdubs, having previously helped against the Awkwardlispian invasion of Earth-Whichever. Doc is married to my version of Zatanna from Batman comics.

I have a version of Babylon Five. Not much of my story action happens there, but characters FROM that story-reality have gone to other worlds. For instance, some of them have even entered the sub-universe based on the Halo game. Also in the "Heyhoverse" is a soldier-hero derived from John Ringo's Posleen War novels.

"Punksteema" is completely set apart from all my other story-worlds. It is not at all an Earth-variant, but the Actual God is known there. It has two super-continents: Arcondoyla to the north, Wellvernia to the south, separated by an "equatorial ocean" which goes all the way around. My very first scenario on Punksteema showed Ronald of Goliad setting out to revive the chivalrous-gunslinger associations: Towermen and Smoke Maidens. In the far south are the all-male Whistlers, like Towermen in spirit though unaccustomed to firearms. Other forces for good on this planet include both sexes: Mellow Druids, Elves who mingle with the Whistlers, Captains of Skilled Labor, Bear Brothers, bird-headed Tengu (lifted from Japanese mythology), and the Long Quest Church Alliance.

ALL RIGHT, THIS DOES NOT COVER ALL BASES, BUT IT SHOULD HELP.
 
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The pocket dimension containing Hopecrusher Central didn't always do well at circulating inter-office memos. Overseeing operations on Redundantworld, one junior fiend collected a horde of Creepycrawlids from the zone based on "Starship Troopers" and plunked them down on a tract of land not yet assailed by any evil. Another fiend, unaware of the first one's action, sent a much worse evil: non-solid flying life-drinking specters. The Creepycrawlids, defenseless against a supernatural onslaught, soon fell as drained shells.

But the time the specters expended on their first prey was time in which Astrosmeller could remotely smell the airborne ectoplasm. His emergency alert was picked up first by Heart Sapphire Shibwazushu, the one with scaly-but-not-abrasive skin. She informed her (by now) fiance Black Admiral (purely good-aligned alternate form of Black Adam), and they took off to intercept the immaterial monsters before those could claim any sapient victims.

"That way!" Shibby suddenly cried, creating a large pointer of gem-energy. Almost the only shortcoming Black Admiral had was a relative inferiority in super-senses. He could sense a destination in a general way, but could only see and hear things at a human level. Now, sighting the ghostly swarm, he sped up and began strafing them with magic lightning, to which they were as vulnerable as the unfortunate Creepycrawlids had been to life- draining.

Still, the horrors at least could evade better. Scattering, a few tried to close in for life draining. It might have worked EVEN on Blackie, but he also could evade. After more specters had been wiped out while trying to close in, the rest swerved..... and made for Shibby.

Flying backwards, Shibby tried to hold the things at a distance with her scarlet energy. What ensued was like fight scenes in Dune stories, when personal shields are penetrated by projectiles designed to enter slowly. She tried pivoting her own shield to push the beings off course; it worked in some degree, but she couldn't shake them. Still, she gave her betrothed enough time to move in and reckon his lines of fire. Using his own super-speed, Blackie fired from below, from above, from the left, from the right-- and finally, interposed himself BETWEEN his darling and her would- be slayers, incinerating them to the last one like igniting a flammable vapor.

Setting feet on the ground, Black Admiral and Shibwazushu wrapped themselves in an anxious embrace, kissing as if they had not seen each other in years. Eventually pausing for breath, Shibby panted: "We need to report this, in case there are more of them."

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @

The dozens of heroes dispersed around the wide planet were still trying to improve rotations of who slept when. But Sushi Strum- Razumnitsa was awake at her present location, as was her husband Pavel "Colosseumus" Razumnik. Once briefed on the encounter the other couple had experienced, Sushi told Astrosmeller, "I'm a natural to help them clean up any remaining ghosts."

"Not without me!" Pavel insisted.

"Pasha," Sushi crooned, having grown familiar with familiar / intimate forms of Russian first names, "I love you, but the ONE thing you're not suited for is fighting enemies who are like smoke. Well, that and swimming."

"Of course, milaya, but there were other monsters in the area where the specters were, yes? Let me be in reserve, in case enemies with regular bodies pick an argument with you."

Astrosmeller suddenly called Sushi. "I've smelled all the territory around where you fought the specters. You destroyed all of them; but your on-planet friend Mister Inquiry has reported to me an intuition which came to him. The specters, and the cannon-fodder giant insects they killed, were mere skirmishing moves. The nexus for all evil in the Never-Stopping Story is growing anxious to get this planet sunk in despair. The Hopecrushers plan to deploy a being who is not intentionally evil, but who unwittingly causes others to sink into fatalistic pessimism. She is shaped like a monstrous tortoise."

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Sushi. "On Jersey Earth, and someone told me it was also on Original Earth, someone produced a fantasy movie called 'The Never-ENDING Story.' That movie featured a giant tortoise who wasn't intentionally evil, but, what you said."

"Russians understand pessimism," rumbled Colosseumus, "although my dear Sushi has mostly cured me of it.... Wait a minutochku! I've heard of a fellow Russian dwelling on Urth, known as Tapper Cossack. A fine swordsman, and a Bolshoi Ballet quality dancer. If he could be brought here, I think he could achieve much to remedy the pessimism, WITHOUT needing to kill the monster of despair."

"What does 'Tapper' mean?" Astrosmeller asked from his distant listening post.

"There is a verb, terpet', which means to be patient, to wait for things to get better. In most versions of Russia, there's a proverb: 'Terpi, kazak, atamanom budyesh.' It means, 'Be patient, Cossack, and you'll become a chieftain one day.' Dmitri Tarasov of Urth adapted the verb and the saying for his hero name. If Tapper Cossack could be brought here from Urth, he could do much to offset this Hopecrusher attack."

"I'll communicate with Timekall on Hallpasscard Proper," said Astrosmeller; "see whether he can facilitate your dancing cossack joining us."

"It shouldn't be difficult," said Sushi. "I've also heard of Dmitri; he's a member of the Justified League, well known to Superdude, Superhottie, and the former Atomic Scalp."

When Timekall was contacted on this subject, he in turn got hold of young Matthew Carver, a young friend of the Justified League on Urth-- who had custody of the magical Dice-Aract. The League had reliable support personnel, who could take excellent care of super-children, such as the son of Superdude. The formerly-evil Aluminum Banshee, who had fallen in love with Dmitri Tarasov (and found it most handy that he COULD NOT be harmed by her sonic attacks) was a loving mother, but hated to let her Cossack husband go to war in another galaxy alone, when she could help him if she went also.

Professor Charles Crazier, with his Secret Plotline-Advancing Machine, collected facts which would help Matthew perform a safe, accurate cosmic teleportation of the Tarasovs. Timekall of Hallpasscard joined in coordinating the launch: the longest cosmic reach the smart boy had yet made. At the moment of arrival, Matthew in Wyoming delivered his two passengers just eleven meters above the ground on Redundantworld's northern hemisphere. Not bad at all for an intergalactic leap; and Green Flashlight Jamsorvad was on the job, energy- cushioning their fall.

Vasili Rutintutin, the warrior priest from Terra's Russia, was there to greet the Tarasovs; he gave Dmitri a summary in Russian of what was going on with the at-most modestly-industrialized people of the vast planet.
 
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"We appreciate your coming to join our watch in this polar zone," said Sir Ballwun the Uncommonly Decent. "Thorpe son of Garryowen can fly by the aid of Stormcracker, as I can do by means of Oatmealnir; but you sky-racers can leave us in your wake with ease. This is more important than you may suspect."

Thorpe Thundermaster picked up from there. "Precisely because the four of us can take care of ourselves better than Redundantworld's commoners, Timekall and Astrosmeller will be assuming that we're all right without their involvement. They both need to maintain continuous back- and-forth reconnaissance where there are natives who CAN'T fight mega-level foes. My father's magical birds have been redeployed for patrols in far-off space regions. We four will need to sleep in overlapping shifts, performing our own surveillance when awake."

Luvardra the raven-haired Dahudoran Heart Sapphire, assumed a disarming manner. "Since my husband and I excel you in flight speed as much as you excel us in punch-it-out strength, let Parbellik and me cover logistics for this vigil. One or the other of us can shoot away at intervals, to fetch necessities back or bring reports to leading heroes."

"And Luvardra can create food and drink for all of us," Parbellik put in. "We understand that no one anticipates monster incursions at either POLE of this planet. We're a ready reserve, waiting to take off in whatever southerly direction will bring us to the action."

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Black Stingray, born Yepyep Mammameeya on Urth and an ally to Moistureman and Howie Maui, was joined in the north hemisphere by two male Flashlights: Shimtuku who looked like a giant cricket, and the crimson-skinned Plabdof who looked like a frog. Stingray was camped out on the shoreline of the widest fresh-water lake in Redundantworld's northern half. Plabdof could equally breathe air and water, making him a natural teammate for Stingray. Shimtuku set out on his own; he knew who Adam Wornsock was, and was interested in meeting him. Black Stingray and Plabdof, logically, took to combing the lake bottom (about as wide as Earth's Lake Erie) for anything of importance.

Adam was applying his magic to sense any aggressor activity in regions none of the on-planet heroes had yet visited. The Nomatterwhatlers and Omnipotentacons had packed up and flown off by now; but the Omnipotentacons (I've said they were the least evil of the trespassing groups) had not left the planet without placing bundles of highly useful items in many of the native towns. Adam ascertained that some notable wrongdoers were in one unfamiliar prairie zone close to the equator. This area was within sight of a cluster of agrarian villages. It was night there at the moment: no problem, both sci-fi-cum-fantasy heroes could see in the dark. It appeared that several Everperpetualists had begun plundering the locals of the practical gifts they had received from the Omnipotentacons. Adam sensed that the robbers had arrogantly declared the villagers "unworthy" to possess advanced technology, even though none of this loot was of military purpose.

Half an hour short of his planned first landing, Adam sensed somebody good-aligned overtaking him in the air from behind. It was the insectoid Green Flashlight who had landed on Redundantworld with Plabdof.

"Young Adam Wornsock!" Shimtuku hailed. "You can sense that I'm on your side. Two heads are better than one, even if one head is loaded with a mixture of science and magic. The Flashlight Corps is well represented on this planet by now."

"Did your Janitors brief you on what the Everperpetualists can do?"

"Yes, tamper with the movement of time. A likely trick for them to pull would be making a shot of mine reverse its aim to come back at me. So if I shoot a beam at one of them, I plan to fire obliquely, then veer away, be a difficult target."

"Sounds as good as anything," said Adam. "But they might already know that we're coming. Easy, when it only takes peeking a few minutes forward. I'll scramble their precognition if I can; best bet for you is NOT to form an advance plan, go by instinct."

The Everperpetualists' gambit showed itself when Adam Wornsock and Green Flashlight Shimtuku saw-- themselves, flying toward them. "Us, a moment later! Don't panic!" And sure enough, a moment later, the two heroes WERE their immediate-future selves, flying away from the enemy. The nearby aliens used their time-warping to retreat very swiftly. It was clear that these particular evil aliens DIDN'T have their Living Appeals Court around to handle adversaries.

Anticlimactically, Adam and Shimtuku facilitated the restoration of the property the Everperpetualists had been stealing.

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Green Flashlight Poradsimu, the block-shaped one who could see to front and rear at the same time, had arrived with Jamsorvad the baboon-like Flashlight. Jamsorvad was "cute" in the eyes of some natives, but Poradsimu reminded them uncomfortably of the Fataldeathalyzers who also could see ahead and behind. Accordingly, Superhottie asked Poradsimu to be part of her equatorial response team. Clara had a persuasive, reassuring charisma, even with beings who would not find her attractive. Anyone she approved of, would be accepted by others. Duke Diskoduck, Superhottie's other fellow guardian, had a charm of his own; like Ballwun of Hallpasscard, he made friends easily.

One of the Directvidean aristocrat's most recently-developed miscellaneous powers helped him to build goodwill in the nearby town. Insect pests had gotten into food in half of the houses; but the Duke was now able to DECONTAMINATE foodstuffs. Once the Redundantworlders understood what he was offering, he exerted his purifying function, and all ruined food which hadn't been burned or buried became usable again.

Homesteads in the region heard about this, and two of these requested a visit. When Diskoduck ran this by Clara, she told him, "If we need you back in a hurry, either Poradsimu or I can fly out and fetch you." But as it turned out, Diskoduck was back with the other two superheroes before any danger came their way.

Meanwhile, Jamsorvad had transported Atomic Scalp and Ululani to where Superdude and Captain Sha-Na-Na had stationed themselves. Because Sha-Na-Na and Father Vasili were native to a different Earth-variant from Superdude, Atomic Scalp and his wife, the two Terrans took the opportunity to question them about subjects like Skrunk invasions.

The last near-equator standby team consisted simply of Black Admiral, his Heart Sapphire bride and her Sapphire Sister friend Tiba-Bo-Tola. If battle came to them, Shibazushu and Tiba-Bo-Tola would shield any bystanders in the vicinity who needed shielding. Tether "Admiral" Zappem could dish out plenty of hurts by himself. So could Bakerstray Bill, beside whom near the south pole waited Speedy Greyhoundus and She-Wow of Anoxia on her pegasoid Quickwind.

Heroes NOT in rapid-response teams included the Slippages, Golden Gaucho and his Shadowfax-grade stallion, Oliver Hackman with his mastiffs, Sharon Foraker, Walloper Woman with Grrrryyl, Woman Torch and Colosseumus. Also in the south hemisphere (with locals around) are Fatima Kutuzova, Masked Biker, Cyborg Allsweeta, Liquid Snake and Anteater Woman.

@ @ @ @ @ @ @

Immeasurably far away, the operatives of Hopecrusher Central were at work, using their indescribable surveillance assets to locate a fantasy being who had never heretofore had any role in all of this interwoven fantasy action. But the very existence of a movie called "The Never-ENDING Story" made this being eminently suitable for the Never-STOPPING Story.

The top-line imaginarian quasi-demons had a problem tracking The Morbidla, because she was uniquely soulless. She was not merely without conscience; she coldly denied that there could even be anything worthy of having a conscience ABOUT. If any reader has watched the recent Super Mario movies, think of the insane star-shaped creature who constantly chattered about existential indifference.
 
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Writing actual narration again.... King Woollywoofin and King Garryowen conducted a VERY long-distance conference, chiefly about the two super-extra-hyper-ultra-mega-nasty immortals who looked like wild cards wished upon Redundantworld by retreating space-bandits.

GARRYOWEN: From all I hear so far-- including hints picked up occasionally by my magic birds on their longer hyperspace flights-- Doctor Handmitten seems to be the less subtle of the two, raw power with an unsophisticated love of destruction.

WOOLLYWOOFIN: Yes, that calls for sheer weight of head-on power. The Living Appeals Court surely has less crude strength for violence, but just as surely possesses many subtle skills, to outmaneuver and unbalance Handmitten's crude kinetics.

GARRYOWEN: There seem to be many more superheroes in my home galaxy than in yours. Many of them already are on Redundantworld. But for the more complex challenge of "Appeals Court," it might be our best move to enlist a non-super but highly talented human.... who grasps every nuance of judgment and justice. The man I have in mind is already on friendly terms with many superheroes. His name is Mason Perry.

WOOLLYWOOFIN: Does Master Perry live on Mediumgard Earth?

GARRYOWEN: No, on U-R-T-H Urth. He is the United States Attorney-General on that Earth-variant.

WOOLLYWOOFIN: So you think that his expertise might somehow be combined with the combative powers of meta-people, to put the Living Appeals Court off balance, while Doctor Handmitten is assailed by our strongest open-battle heroes.

GARRYOWEN: Such is my hope and confidence. I shall presently contact Professor Crazier and Matthew Carver, to facilitate Attorney- General Perry being teleported to Redundantworld if he consents.

@ @ @ @ @ @ @

Nonwhite Lightning and Black Parakeet, members of the Justified League on Urth, were married by now, and Parakeet had a baby. I postpone telling the sex, name and age of this baby, lest I contradict myself later. The new mother had no intention of entrusting her baby to anyone else; but if I remember my own writing correctly, I previously included Jeffrey "Nonwhite Lightning" Pearson in the Third Galaxy adventure which paralleled the movie "Independence Day." I think Parakeet was with him then. This would tend to make another Third Galaxy expedition seem less intimidating; so Jeffrey does consent to go to Redundantworld.

And Attorney-General Mason Perry does also agree to take the trip. (We resume past-tense narrative.)

Princess Grrrryll, the formerly-wicked only daughter of the now-humbled Twerpseid, was not on combat or emergency-response duty when the two Urth-resident good guys landed near her. Jeffrey Pearson only knew her by reputation, but had been advised to anticipate meeting her almost immediately upon planetfall.

"Miss Grrrryll, I'm Nonwhite Lightning from the Justified League. I know part of how you lost power, then gained some back as a Heart Sapphire, then got humbled again-- but profited by it, and regained your original strength, now devoted to goodness."

Grrrryll nodded, not offended. "And you are a hero of note. I confess that my knowledge of you and your wife is largely thanks to what was passed along by Timekall of Hallpasscard. On a planet this vast, we need all the heroes we can get."

"And your experience, I believe, taught you to respect people without superpowers, but with hard-learned skills. Here with me is Mason Perry, an important official of civilian government on Urth. Because we learned that an immortal with pretensions of knowing justice is haunting this planet, our wise ones on Urth speculated that Mister Perry's wisdom could be valuable. Wielders of power present on this planet might be able to transform Perry's knowledge into something which can trip up the Living Appeals Court."

@ @ @ @ @ @ @

Conn Johnstantine had augured the whereabouts of the Morbidla, the gigantic turtle-shaped being of chaos. He further determined that The Inquiry, with his equally-unique spirit of truth, was the very one to challenge the soul-afflicting monster. The sky-bike formerly ridden by the also-chaotic villain Lowblow was made ready for Inquiry.

When the unconventional hero sighted the unconventional sort-of-kaiju, she had several men gathered near her, as if worshiping her. Not that she seemed to take any interest in them. The men were some of the Gurkha soldiers. Inquiry recalled that the variant of Hinduism practiced by the Nepalese was less prone to dissolve-into-nothingness thinking than was the case with mainstream Hinduism, and that Gurkhas in particular were disciplined and self-controlled. So if the monster could push them into apathy, there would be PLENTY of humans and Redundantworlders who would be easy victims for the spiritual manipulation.

The Terran hero's intuition decided that it was better not to speak immediately to the Morbidla. In particular, not to demonstrate any intense emotion that she might want to extinguish. So he listened to the Gurkhas muttering. He didn't know their language, and no plotline- convenient means of interpretation were forthcoming; but he felt sure that only their deep-rooted sense of duty was preventing them from lying down and waiting for a meaningless death.

Half an hour later, Inquiry walked within devouring distance of the mouth in her truck-sized head, and said, "My life is not meaningless. THEIR lives are not meaningless. Our home worlds are not meaningless. When I die, my life will have mattered."

The truth-hunter intuitively knew that he HAD penetrated something. The Morbidla DID feel challenged. At a nearly infrasonic pitch, her muddy voice finally came out. "How.... can... you... suppose... that... you... matter? Your... body... will... decay... and the... molecules will scatter. Everyone you love will die. Everyone THEY love will die. The dead universe will forget; it will not remember that there was anything TO remember. Empty... cold... nothing... pointless...random... dry... not even to be feared..... because fear implies... that something exists.... which is worth keeping....."

Inside an eighteen-mile radius of where Inquiry was facing the Morbidla-- and the radius presently began to increase-- Redundantworlders of both sexes and all ages began to feel uneasy, without knowing why. Two or three at a time, some began drifting toward the source of the baffling influence, not knowing what to expect.
 
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On Planet Anoxia, on Paxifica, home of the Dragon of Reasonableness, the captive ogre Lowblow suddenly became agitated. "Someone's using MY sky-bike, in the galaxy where I left it! Thief, thief, Baggins! Excuse me, wrong reference-- but I do hate whoever is using it!"

The more-human villain Deathstink, also a prisoner, muttered, "So? You can't use it now anyway. Just as I can't use the sword I lost."

"But I should be the only one allowed to steal!"

@ @ @ @ @ @ @

On Redundantworld, another magic-sensitive person caught a whiff of what Inquiry had gotten himself into. The good-aligned Loki-variant Lowerkey was quick to understand it. He got hold of the Tarasovs, telling them: "You two are needed already; your music and dance can give a punch in the nose to this mega-turtle."

Vasili Rutintutin volunteered to join in this effort. Lowerkey applied a bit of magic to Vasili and to Lumina, causing each one to know every song the other one knew. "There, now you can sing together effectively for Dmitri Leonidovich."

Astrosmeller provided a short-range teleport, depositing Lowerkey, Dmitri, Father Vasili and Aluminum Banshee within sight of the growing crowd of mesmerized people. "You three hang back a little," said Lowerkey; "the people will still hear you, and your husband will have space to dance. I'll try to cut off that thing's transmission."

Lumina and Vasili began singing, surprising themselves with how smoothly they harmonized. If any of my readers are familiar with Tchaikovsky's "Nutcracker" ballet suite, think of the tune called "Trepak." Tapper Cossack sprang into action as if he were the lead male dancer in a famous company. And a phenomenon was activated which I have not mentioned to my readers for a long time. Anyone seeing him dance would want to dance also-- provided they weren't already occupied with something urgently important. Lowerkey, Vasili and Lumina were obviously exempt from the distraction; by contrast, the Morbidla's victims were by definition idle, therefore, perfect subjects for the benign magic of the Cossack's performance. The Gurkhas and the Redundantworlders not only began dancing, they danced as if they were all professionals.

Now, the only being still hypnotized by the Morbidla's heart-chilling voice..... was the Morbidla.

Some kind of energy feedback occurred. Happening faster than anything else in the situation, the tortoise of chaotic despair......melted like dirty snow.... and perished in a messy heap. Her former victims regained their senses. They all remembered what they had been set free from, and no similar evil influence would ever be able to invade their minds again.

Far far far away, the evil beings at Hopecrusher Central burst out with all sorts of naughty words, blaming each other for this defeat.

@ @ @ @ @ @ @

Back on Paxifica, Lowblow whispered to the super-witch Hipstera: "I think the good guys are going to grow complacent now after a success; lose their edge; give us an opening to escape from this #\*=%~?=& :~!! lawful-good dragon."

"Do you want to bring Deathstink along?"

"Probably, but don't mention it to him yet. He might stupidly blab it."

By way of acting casual, the evil partners complained petulantly to Crocodarla about the food they were given.
 
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Doctor Handmitten was a hairless blue giant, who varied in height between fifteen and seventy feet. He never needed to eat; he simply subsisted on universe juice: enough to let him play God wherever he went. Handmitten personally was at least one-third responsible for the fact that the Third Galaxy contained substantially fewer INHABITED worlds than either of the other two galaxies figuring in my story. The planet on which he had been born pretty-much human had not long outlived the end of his humanity.

Of all evil creatures I have depicted fouling Redundantworld by their presence, Doctor Handmitten was (apart from the not-to-be- missed Morbidla) the most utterly devoid of conscience. Compared with him, Lowblow the cosmic bounty hunter was a pretty decent guy. The hardware-dependent space invaders resembling the movie "Independence Day," the ones whom Exohern of Urth had died to defeat, had haunted separate galactic sectors from where Handmitten did his casual genocides. If they had clashed with Handmitten while they were at full strength, all of their arsenal would have given them, at best, an even chance of surviving as a civilization.

As it was, the interstellar sociopath followed a faster-than-light signal sent by the Fataldeathalyzers. A handful of those arrogant aliens loitered in a hyper-dimensional cruiser of some kind, to see if Handmitten would show up. When he showed up, he reduced their ship and them to quarks.

@ @ @ @ @ @ @

Since I love the character Battle Angel Alita, I decree that humans on Anime Earth had acquired enough bioscience knowledge (assisted by the Spacer Swimmers) to produce highly capable cyborgs who were viable, stable, and still human. A girl cyborg known as Allsweeta was the most efficient of these. She had various adventures in her own world, becoming acquainted with heroes on her own Earth-variant who HAVE been onstage before now, such as Bagavish Ogoshi, the Hindu swordsman who eventually acquired Jedi-type abilities while having adventures in the Star-WARS-more -than-Spaceballs-derived sub-reality.

Not long before present-story-moment, Swimmer Pluto (who on a beauty scale from one to ten, was a twelve) had rounded up some available heroes. We now join Allsweeta in the south hemisphere of Redundantworld, with companions at a power level definitely weaker than Tonkrypians.

Not every situation calls for bulletproof metahumans.

The girl cyborg marched into a rustic village. All but one of her companions-- the man called Masked Biker-- were also on foot; the others were Liquid Snake, Anteater Woman (so named because her hands could become hard, like that animal's claws), and Heart Sapphire Fatima Kutuzova from a different Earth. Fatima's forehead gem enabled communication with Redundantworlders. A senior female of the demi-human race came up to meet the newcomers.

"I am Jislaboosh, mother of eleven farmers. We have heard of beings from other worlds coming to--" her counterpart of a human saying "Earth," i.e. referring to the only world SHE had ever known "--from far away. None have come to Muddy Rock Village until now. What brings you five to us today?"

Fatima replied: "One of the beings who oversee, um, sky travel, believed that we could benefit your community."

"So you can. Although no unusual creatures have yet shown themselves near Muddy Rock Village, there is a small conflict with others of our own kind. A matter of land ownership. The neighboring community pushes their boundary out farther each growing season, stealing our cropland bit by bit. We know this to be true, because they customarily plant a different kind of grain from ours."

The young Sapphire Sister huddled with Allsweeta, then turned back toward Jislaboosh. "My friend there is able to test if people are lying, by hearing their voices. I must ask you now to say two TRUE things: your name, and the fact that you see five of us visiting you." The headwoman did as asked, while the cyborg heroine listened carefully.

"Next, say two things which are obviously false. This will give my friend Allsweeta something to judge by when you speak about the farming situation." Jislaboosh got creative, saying that a glacier had just formed beside them, and that she had just grown wings.

They had little time to spare before Allsweeta's cyborg senses felt marching feet vibrating through the soil; no fewer than twenty bipeds coming. At her signal, Masked Biker walked his motorcycle off to one side, as Liquid Snake flowed away in the opposite direction. Fatima stood with Anteater Woman. The Sapphire Sister muttered to her metahuman friend: "If they make trouble, I'll raise an energy barrier to push them off balance, and block any gunfire they might be able to offer." Then Fatima looked back at Jislaboosh. "I urge you and your party to pull back to that rise of ground, so you can take cover if there's fighting."
 
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The rival peasants were armed, greatly outnumbering the neighbors whom they intended to defraud and intimidate. Almost half of them bore gunpowder weapons, which appeared to be over-and-under two-shot rifled muskets. The others carried javelins and machetes. The apparent leader of the would-be robbers identified Allsweeta as the leader of the visitors. He spoke in an exaggerated growling tone.

"We have heard of strangers, many kinds of strangers, none of them interested in our little hamlets. Why are YOU interested?"

It was Fatima Kutuzova, however, who replied, striving to share her comprehension with Allsweeta. "You answer first. Why are you gradually pushing out your struggling neighbors?"

"Because we came to this region first!"

Allsweeta strode right into the liar's face. "I know that you are lying. All of you drop your weapons."

The boss hooligan swung the stock of his musket against the cyborg's left cheekbone. She had formed a lightning-swift prediction of how much impact he could produce by exactly such a move. The blow produced little effect-- other than inducing his comrades to hesitate while they looked for him to succeed in his attack. Their disillusionment was instantly followed by action from Fatima. She formed a sort of bulldozer blade from her artifact energy, which took form BEHIND the front-rank ruffians, to knock three javelin-bearers backward. Then she instantly redirected her power to stop any musket balls or javelins which might still reach the honest farmers. Masked Biker concurrently charged along the right flank of the bad guys, whipping a long-rod nunchaku at them. Four were stunned. Allsweeta punched out others.

Anteater Woman hardened her hands, to grab and control edged blades without harm to herself. Liquid Snake streamed between Redundantworlder legs, choosing her moment to re-solidify when she could judo-flip hostiles. In conclusion, the heroes overpowered all of the robbers without needing to injure any of them critically. NO ONE on the innocent side was harmed, and all confiscated weapons were presented to Jislaboosh's peasants.

Masked Biker said to Anteater Woman, "It seems most likely that our demigod-level allies will want us to go on filling small cracks, addressing needs which are legitimate, but which don't require major metahuman intervention."

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Adam Wornsock the gold-skinned space wizard, and Green Flashlight Shimtuku, had finished restoring the off-world scientific treasures from the Omnipotentacons to the intended recipients. Now, having no other immediately pressing duties, they flew to visit Camp Slippage to observe Doctor and Missus Slippage at work. Mister Inquiry was there, still recovering from contact with the meaningless negativity of the Morbidla. The lately-reconciled besties Deanna and Grrrryll were at the field hospital, and had news to share.

The redeemed daughter of Twerpseid began: "A totally non-humanoid Green Flashlight called Zuha-Zuzob, one accustomed to cold environments, was sent from Planet Wawa to Deanna's world, to tell Queen Hiptubeeskwerra what we've all been doing here."

Walloper Woman briskly nodded when her mother was named. "It's becoming ever more apparent that NUMBERS of helpers are needed, with so much planetary surface to cover. The Janitors of the Universe will transport volunteers here from my native Earth-variant. Some of my fellow Yummyzons, of course; also Arnold Sable's Black Eagle Squadron, which can ferry large numbers of people from place to place."

Kirk Slippage, who had just completed surgery upon an accident-injured native, entered the conversation. "Zoorama has magically discovered how a new party of helpers, led by a lady cyborg, stopped one lot of Redundantworlders from plundering another lot. Besides the Yummyzon volunteers, two skilled Minorleague Earthlings are coming: an acrobatic woman called Angel Ranger, and a kung-fu man called Iron Punch. They can help to head off brushfires in outlying spots."

Litzelga the reformed War Witch, wife of the Earth-Whichever veterinarian Jiang Fung-Yao who had been looking after non-human patients, joined the conversation, raising a concern which no one else was addressing. "I can't help wondering if the REAL reason so much is happening here, is because OTHER evildoers want all the greatest heroes in three galaxies to be preoccupied here...... leaving dozens of other planets unprotected."

"That's a valid concern," said Grrrryll; "but there still are heroes not anchored here. Importantly, heroes who can cover plenty of space. Especially the virtuous man who deservedly received the strength taken from my evil father, my surviving brother Graypvine, myself, and our henchman Trippenwonk. King Truthside, born Preston Vincent, can see far, and can go anywhere he sees. Like him in virtue and might is Captain Rightawrong, born Lodge Flake. There are still numerous Green Flashlights available in the known universe, many wielders of The Fuss, and users of the Jalapeno power. Villains not at all connected with the Redundantworld campaign, when they set out to ravage other worlds, will still find heroes there to oppose them."
 
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TIME TO CATCH UP WITH WHAT, AFTER ALL, WAS ONE OF THE VERY EARLIEST SETTINGS IN OUR EPIC. RECALL THAT, IN LAMPOONING "DUNE," WE PICKED UP WITH MY VERSION OF PAUL MUAD'DIB ALREADY DECEASED, AND HIS SON MY VERSION OF LETO THE SECOND ASSUMING HEADSHIP OF MY VERSION OF HOUSE ATREIDES..........

Now to patch things back together.

Planet Waterpark, ancestral fief of House Ashtrayides (to which Groan Starr is connected) is one of the multiple capitals of a constitutional monarchy with limits on the ruler's authority-- the very thing which True Earth novelist Frank Herbert pretended to believe was worse than having a monster tormenting the known universe for many centuries. The demons at Hopecrusher Central had gone on laughing at Herbert's willfully-chosen stupidity long after Mr. Herbert had been summoned to answer for his nonsense to the God Whom he had resolved to despise.

Archduke Stillneater the Incorruptible, and his wife Duchess Nimdaret who was carrying his unborn daughter, named Jazzica for her great-grandmother the Penny Jezebel, were attending a galactic history lecture. This was being presented by a Mentalcat gentleman who need not be named. Nimdaret's father, Sergeant Spencer Fabialta, had been an Ashtrayides soldier who died gallantly fighting the Snarkonnens. Nimdaret was eight standard years older than Stillneater; but the increased life expectancy bestowed on her by The Jalapeno --plus the precocious young Duke being mentally superior to most sapient beings anywhere-- made her age irrelevant to her husband.

Telling how the order of Mentalcats first grew, the lecturer made a potentially dull topic tolerable, by describing how candidates learned to organize their thoughts. Although no non-human sapients were indigenous to the Galactic Empire, previous generations of the human computers had speculated very insightfully about what alien races might exist somewhere. Naturally, everyone in the auditorium knew by now that there were alien races; the lecturer invited them to compare the current knowledge with any speculations they had ever entertained.

At the reception for attendees, they were joined by a couple who were not exactly space aliens, but who had been introduced to the Ashtrayides culture after Groan Starr learned from Yoga-Rug that HE was an Ashtrayides. The husband was the Seedubb superhero Cyberdork, born Victor Stoke; his wife was the free-willed robot woman Bot Index. In a coincidental similarity to Johnny-747 and Android Cortexa, Cyberdork and Bot had a robot daughter, named "Semductria"; yes, the father had coined it as an abbreviation of the word "semiconductor." The cyber-girl would, over time, be provided with adult knowledge; but being less fully human than the son of Johnny and Cortexa, she would be allowed to become human in personality, by experiencing what it was to be dependent on loving parents before she reached mental maturity. Added components, designed to approximate the proportions of an organically growing human body, would be added over time.

Right now, Semductria was almost three feet tall. When introduced to the-Mentalcat-I'm-not-bothering-to name, she asked him a series of intelligent questions: person to person, without even a suggestion of shortcuts. It still was true that most electronic devices in the Galactic Jalapeno Empire were strictly analog; and the metal-skinned girl already understood that it was a human gift to feel and relish gradual steps of learning. To recognize each step along the path as a thing in itself.

Not long after the meet-and-greet concluded, Semductria asked: "Mother, you know Father used to go play at the Spark Laboratory school. Ashtrayides people went there too. Can I play there sometime?"

"I think so, dear," Bot replied. "And Father would like to visit the people he knows from the Teen Tryouts."

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

In Urbanopolis, the version of New York City on Seedubb Earth, Brutus "Batfellow" Dwayne was facilitating a come-clean meeting for ex-criminals whom he was helping to find their way to the light. He, Green Crossbow, and other heroes who had recently dropped secrecy about their identities, were now the Just-Us League; they were all about encouraging the reformation of ex-felons.

A young man who had already made progress at getting clean was addressing thirty-four street people who had been sent here by the Urbanopolis district attorney. "I used to run with a gang called the Concrete Snakes. We cooperated with those space-alien Face Twisters three years ago, for all the good it did us. They never cared if we got caught, as long as they were in the clear. But the Dwayne Foundation helped us get another chance in life. Just ask Harpy Grinn, Catfemale, Tightrope Tito, Glueface, and Jetpack Jolene: all of them, and others like them, have been able to go straight and build new lives. All of you have the same opportunity now."

Rabbi Dustin Prather, a friend of the Bats-Family who had performed the wedding of Lucius "Flatwing" Fixxit to Kelly-Faye Merrick, was also present at this gathering. Given a turn at the microphone, he related incidents known to him of lawbreakers going straight, and concluded by remarking: "Captain Patriot, also known as Steve Roughroad, is one superhero who never bothered to hide his actual identity, and he has long been active at encouraging criminals to join the side of good. I can't officially speak for Captain Roughroad, but I strongly believe that he would be delighted to reinforce and validate any villain's genuine effort to reject evil badness."

This televised meeting was being shown in several prisons. And one avid watcher of the broadcast was a certain Marcie Graze. She had been married to the master villain Lex Loozor..... until a falling-out between Lex and the villain Red Headbone led to the deaths of both men, along with the female Face Twister ("Doubleslick," as I recall) who had been married to Headbone. Marcie's time in prison had been made more bearable by visits from chaplains, who never condemned her. One chaplain had happened to mention that Captain Patriot was a big believer in second chances. Eventually Marcie learned that she could write a letter to the Captain, care of Spark Laboratories in Generic Large City (equating to Chicago).

Yeah, readers, that's right, I figure I've waited long enough to give Marcie Graze a redemption arc.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

The Mexican wrestler Luchador Hidalgo had spent a long time in the Dune-based sub-reality, riding herd on subdued Hotblood Matrons. This masked hero remained an enigma: it had been known to occur that he failed to defeat some antagonists whom he should have beaten, while at other times he vanquished foes who should have beaten him. Probably his most notable success had occurred when riding herd on some space trolls, around the same time as keeping Hotbloods in line. Several fans of TV wrestling speculated that Luchador was affected by a sort of randomness generated by the TV stations which broadcast wrestling matches.

Be that as it may, Luchador was undeniably a superb sparring partner for heroes in training. We now bring him onstage, as he works out with Degreaser. That's the hero-name of a young woman from the Teen Tryouts, a crimefighter of the non-metahuman Batman-ish category.

"Speed is obviously your friend against a stronger antagonist; but even a swift fighter can become predictable and get snared. Never stick to only one approach, or only one target. I won't say never to use whirling kicks or a spinning backfist, but understand that your opponent might not take a nap while you're orbiting."

Resuming their practice bout, Luchador didn't vary his technique much. He knew that, in weaponless combat, being grabbed and crushed was the number-one peril for Degreaser; so he could best serve her if he made her understand how she could end up flattened and pinned.

That evening, the masked wrestler was a supper guest with the Teen Tryouts. Present besides Degreaser were Goldfinch, Blue Junebug, Raisin (who in this reality was not a devil's daughter), Beef Boy with his aquatic wife Princess Reelnyce (she could breathe air, but needed a scooter to move around on land), and Marysuefire. I remind readers that, when first introduced, Marysuefire had been so over-powered that she kept on accidentally annihilating worlds (True Earth being immune to her energy) and having to restore them to existence again. This inconvenience had finally been eliminated when she fought the super-duper-villain Galactikang, who was threatening the human-colonized planet Latterdawn. Wiping out this Twerpseid-caliber fiend had, much to Marysuefire's own relief, permanently reduced her power to a manageable state.
 
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The beautiful red-haired energy-manipulator still was mighty enough that she would have been able to contribute something to the defense of Redundantworld; but Doctor Unusual, who had recently been there, had reported his conclusion that it was not necessary for Seedubb Earth to allocate more help for that world.

Marysuefire frowned in thought. "I wonder about that."

Goldfinch, trained by Batfellow to think strategically, remarked: "If we think about whether we have enough troop strength already on Redundantworld, the side of evil must also be thinking about the same thing. On the other hand, if we and other civilized worlds commit too many heroes way off in another galaxy, the wrongdoers might send reserves of their own to attack our Earth and others."

"I see where you're going," said Luchador Hidalgo. "And the bad guys are less vulnerable in this respect than we are, because many of them originate on worlds we never even heard of, while those Ever-always-ists or whatever will have learned some about the worlds we and our compadres come from. We can't end-run them the way they might end-run us. You, Marysuefire, are among the high-level heroes we need to keep on our home planets. Rearguard may not seem dramatic, but it's necessary."

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Teen Tryouts Headquarters had fine guest quarters. Prince-Consort Beef Boy and Princess Reelnyce were among those who stayed overnight. Beefy assumed mer-person form to sleep with Reelnyce inside a filled hot tub. The next morning, Raisin woke them up with news.

"Hey, Highnesses, remember that ruckus you experienced, in and around the decorative pond at the country-music resort, four years ago? Kenny Garth Jones has caught wind of you being land-side, and he's inviting you back to Country Kingdom for a big occasion. There's a new celebrity residency starting there. Princess, did you ever heard of Shania Twang?" The spouses had not; but my readers may realize that I'm parodying Original Earth's marvelous country singer Shania Twain. "Shania Twang" had been born on Seedubb sixteen years later than Shania Twain was born on our Earth.

The undersea power-couple did soon obtain transportation to Missouri, where The Mustang Minstrels boisterously welcomed them. They were joined there by Alister and Fertility Quade from Startled City, a rough equivalent of Seattle. For the advent of the Just-Us League, Alister had admitted to being the hero Green Crossbow. He and Fertility had children by now; but as I have done for other characters, I am not committing myself so far to counting, naming and aging the Quade children.

Shania Twang proved to be as magnificent as our world's Shania Twain in her prime. I retain the option of putting her in the action later. First, however, I need to get back with Dune-based characters, in view of Cyberdork planning to come home to Seedubb.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Wisdom One, the star-dreadnought which benefited by Spacebullion technology, was in a parking orbit over Planet Srirachiss. Rajah Ramrocket, with his Goldarnit wife B'Taolo on board, had been putting crewmembers through training in flying small craft from ship to planet and back. Of course Naughtygator jump-ships, never landing, had long been the only starships in this reality zone; shuttles going dirtside and up again had been the familiar norm for as long as the Dune-parody storyverse had enjoyed material existence. But it still was necessary to keep the spacers up to standard in the particular shuttles which the dreadnought employed.

Princess Eerilake, loyal to the new order despite her father being the former Emperor, piloted a shuttle up from the surface. With her came seven young-adult Srirachians who had never before been aboard any transatmospheric boats not belonging to the Spaced-Out Guild. Eerilake first introduced the eldest of her passengers, a girl of eighteen standard years.

"This is Bethroyla, the daughter of a Penny Jezebel. That mother was murdered by a Hotblood Matron in the Hotblood invasion of Gumwad. Before we go any further: yes, Bethroyla has been told, by at least thirty persons, that what 'really' matters is her forgiving her mother's killer. Bethroyla, would you care to repeat for the Ramrockets what you have said to most of those thirty persons?"

Bethroyla nodded to Eerilake, then faced the Earthling-Goldarnit couple. "I said, in essence: 'I believe in the possibility of eternal salvation for even the worst of wrongdoers, and I am always glad when someone finds this divine grace. But we do not owe it to the wrongdoers to let them continue their crimes unchecked. If it had been been in my power to kill the murderess who killed my mother, I would have ended that witch without the slightest qualm."

B'Taolo clasped the human girl's hands. "Everyone on Planet Goldarn would agree with you."

Captain Ramrocket stepped in at this point, informing the young visitors that Wisdom One would very soon be ferrying Cyberdork, Bot Index and their automaton daughter to Seedubb Earth.

** ** ** ** ** ** **
"Mister Baffler, what's the difference between a smiley and a metaphor?"

"Ha ha haaa! Excellent, Louise, you gave me a riddle!" Deliberately refraining from openly pointing out Louise's word-choice error: "Seriously, a very good question. A simile is when you say that a person or a thing is like someone or something else. A metaphor is when you pretend that the person or thing IS the other person or thing. If you say that I laugh like a hyena, that's a simile; if you say that I am a hyena, that's a metaphor-- and an insult to actual hyenas!"

Here at a Dwayne Enterprises-funded social center in Generic Large City, not far from Spark Laboratories, two former criminals who had come especially clean were doing the kind of stuff people call "working with." In this case, Chilly Frost and The Baffler were tutoring abused or mentally-impaired children. The former adversary of Batfellow, and the former adversary of The Whoosh, were teaching language and science respectively. Baffler having no superpowers, he had only required moral and spiritual guidance. With Chilly Frost, use of an Anti-Villain Device had also been called for. Her cold-producing attribute was no longer continuous; and she could not switch it on when it might harm anyone, unless this were in the great extremity of saving her own life or saving some innocent person.

Science experiments involving temperature changes in various substances, of course, harmed no one.

After the school day ended, both ex-villains joined others at the commissary to dine. To their surprise, another converted evildoer joined them, namely Marcie Graze. "Did your supper with Rabbi Prather's family get canceled?" Baffler asked.

Marcie nodded. "Dustin was needed on short notice to minister to a synagogue member who has fallen into suicidal depression."

"I hope his counseling session turns out well," said Chilly. "Meanwhile, you'll want to hear who's coming home to our planet. Victor and Bot Stoke, with their baby-bot. Her name is Semductria."

"I know where they derived that name." Marcie sighed, lowering her gaze. "Lex was always talking about things like semiconductors." She raised her eyes again. "I expect to hear that Cyberdork has been encouraging the Calamari holdouts to get right with God." She pulled in her deepest breath of the conversation. "Much the way Captain Roughroad was doing when he wrote to me in prison."

The Baffler kept a poker face, not looking at the redeemed bad-girl. "Now there is a riddle. A man like Steve Roughroad, who should be able to scoop up any unattached woman at will, remains a bachelor. Chilly, do you suppose that the brave Captain might prefer a woman who is not naive, but who has learned the hard way that the narrow road of clear conscience is the best?"

Part of Marcie wanted to snap at her tablemates: You realize I'm sitting here, don't you? But what she did say was: "The reason why I first fell for Lex was because he was kind to me. Maybe just because I could be useful to him, but he was kind to me. At least now I can wish that I could be with a man who does right by everybody."

"Forgive us for teasing you," said Baffler. "I know as well as anyone that crooks can be redeemed. We haven't forgotten how Harpy Grinn changed into Harpy Nickelworth, and became fully legitimate as a psychiatrist."
 
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Mentalcat Tutti Howizzit, who had supported the construction of Wisdom One, was on board the dreadnought as it cruised for the Seedubb system. When she wasn't instructing common crew members in this or that subject, she researched the planets of their destination system. Her native Galactic Empire was so much of a universe in itself, that she had never exerted herself much to learn about existing Earth-variants. Once provided with all available information about Original Earth's home system (which story-people could not visit directly), she studied its variations from the Seedubb system. No radical divergence: the Seedubb system's version of Mercury was larger than ours, their version of Mars was smaller, et cetera.

With Spacebullion ship design allowing them to see what was around them even when flying at Ludicrous Velocity, the many Ashtrayides- affiliated personnel who had never been outside of Dune-derivative space were fascinated with what they were learning. Soon many of them would get to accompany Cyberdork and his family in a visit to Spark Laboratories.

Nothing was going to develop between Marcie Graze and Steve Roughroad until a later post.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Here is where we catch up with a less-prominent Mentalcat, an evil man called Einsbagelstein. His crowd had involved themselves in events on the colonized planets Vojodren and Bakwudza, of which the latter had been invaded by predatory Wendigoes and the former had witnessed evil-robot activity overseen by Piper Dizeeze, the other evil male Mentalcat. Piper and his Hotblood Matron allies had been compelled to flee from Vojodren after Trala-Lalia and Bunkem Isotope led a liberation force to that world. The Isotopes left Count Havabeer in charge of guarding the wormhole bridge between Vojodren and Bakwudza.

Unable to secure this territory for Hotblood Matrons and pro-Imperial reactionaries, Piper's lot would soon locate their kindred spirits on distant Fectalim. The above-mentioned Einsbagelstein was with Major Takamura Jamison, formerly a soldier of the Calamari Dynasty. Relative to the planets Waterpark, Srirachiss, Lousy Sekondhanstor and Greedy Crime, Fectalim was located close to the Heyho story-reality. In a bold move, Einsbagelstein had recently made contact with the Heyho story-reality: specifically with Swibsep of the Zidmorigs. That's the race of long-bodied, many-limbed, sapient omnivores, who had joined up with "The Friendless," an evil faction younger than The Varnished who had weakened The Congregation. Both Friendless and Zidmorigs had been known to consume human flesh.

Chapters featuring Swibsep on Planet Dustoff had revolved around a non-combative artifact called the Woowoogheggu. Personnel of the United Civilizations had captured the Woowoogheggu from Friendless personnel, but Swibsep had remained at liberty. Opening interstellar communication with Takamura and Einsbagelstein, Swibsep took note of the fact that ancient evil robots were an intermittent menace to the Jalapeno Empire. All the usual suspects faced by the Crackshots were organic life-forms, but the Zidmorigs nonetheless could offer "outside" villains electromagnetic-pulse weapons that should be able to take down robots dating back to the long-ago Rootbeerian Jihad.

Einsbagelstein, in return, could offer Swibsep the formula for synthetic Jalapeno. Zidmorigs were down with lengthening their lifespans.

Far away, the evil robot called 90003-68718 still was gathering intel. It sent out a coded bulletin for all evil robots linked with it: Reminder to all associated units. Desirability of killing humans and near-humans remains unaltered, plus or minus; but completely non-humanoid sapients are increasing peaceful interaction with humans inside the boundaries of that volume of space which we prioritize. Assessment for best short-term response: no need to act against fully non-human races if they take no action against us, but lower the alert thresholds. Complex digital codes followed.

In their many centuries of existence, going back to when the Dune-parallel storyline had first assumed material realness, the evil robots had independently invented out-of-phase faster-than-light travel, substantially identical to the drive system of Wisdom One. Since robots cannot feel the emotion of impatience, they had been in no hurry to resume genocidal campaigns. But the recent increase of interaction between the Dune-pastiche region and several superhero-rich sub-realities was getting the evil robots' attention.

The robots were aware of the existence of non-Dune-connected worlds with human or near-human inhabitants, including Directvideo, Chimpanzia, Seedubb, Urth and Zazdub World. The new voyage of Wisdom One, bound for Seedubb, was especially noteworthy.

Meanwhile, Tutti Howizzit the lady Mentalcat, who had facilitated the project of building the Ludicrous Velocity dreadnought, had boarded the much smaller non-Jalapeno-dependent starship Resolute Hound, piloted by Ulysses Bardette and Zorvita Feldon. Without knowing that villains had landed on Planet Fectalim, these three servants of Stillneater the Incorruptible just happened to be going for a routine inspection visit to that star system. (Don't worry, I won't let them get killed offstage while Seedubb events are happening.)
 
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One more post before the next change of sub-universe.....

"Narrow focus beam, closer in range; thank you. Now at random points for the next minute or so."

After the conversation about her being a vital defense for Seedubb Earth, Marysuefire had given thought to how she could improve her control: be more effective, without increasing raw force. Without ever again being likely to destroy worlds and not be able to call them back into existence. Her friend Blue Junebug had gotten on board with testing her progress every other day. Each time he shot a comic-bookish energy beam at Marysuefire, she converted it into harmless multi-colored cold fire. Later, she would work on using Blue Junebug's energy shots to increase her organic storage battery.

Meanwhile, Aquaticman brought his wife, Queen Maritima (she's the Mera-variant who didn't turn against her husband), to visit the Teen Tryouts at their headquarters. Beefy and Reelnyce proved to be down in Missouri, meeting Shania Twang-- who had shown interest in Reelnyce vocalizing whale-style for Shania's next album. But Raisin, Goldfinch and Degreaser were at home, and introduced the Tatlantean royals to the newest member of the Tryouts, a thirteen-year-old Canadian boy calling himself Armand Massive.

Since the youth clearly wanted to be asked, Maritima asked, "Is Massive your last name, or a hero-identifier?"

"An identifier, Your Majesty. My name is Armand Cleary, but my power is to become so dense that, for limited periods, nothing can hurt me."

Aquaticman asked, "Can you be more specific?"

"Of course, Your Other Majesty. For about three minutes, I can move around freely, and am invulnerable to bullets, blades, crushing blows, and to some extent fire, corrosives and electricity. For another minute, then, my movement slows down for a minute and a half, while my resistance to damage increases greatly. For ten minutes after that, I am totally immobilized, but am also absolutely indestructible as far as our tests have shown. This includes not drowning if submerged. During that final phase, my weight is quadrupled. When I revert to a normal state, I need to rest for nearly half an hour, and am frantically hungry."

Raisin interjected, "In that recovery stage, Armand will happily gobble down food which he dislikes at other times."

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Up until the day Lex Loozor had murdered Red Headbone and then had been shot by Doubleslick who then got killed by Marcie, Secretary Hui Kai-Ma of the Chinese Communist Party had been monitoring the joint work of Loozor and Headbone. Western superheroes, to include Aquaticman, had previously agreed not to move against Chinese weapons development, provided that the Beijing regime kept their new special weapons only for defense, and permitted Chinese citizens to leave the People's Republic if they wanted to. Hui Kai-Ma and her overlords had complied with these conditions, even relaxing their control in Tibet. Superheroes in return had often discouraged other countries from harassing Chinese civilian shipping.

Wisdom One, its captain having been transparent with governments and institutions on this Earth-variant, assumed a stationary orbit above Beijing. Tutti Howizzit, who had acquired Mandarin fluency in six hours on the voyage, obtained clearance to visit the rulers, accompanied only by B'Taolo Ramrocket. The Mentalcat piloted her own transatmospheric shuttle, following air-traffic directions. High Party officials were assembled in the historic palace on Tienanmin Square, but allowed Secretary Hui do most of the talking for their side.

Tutti related much of the history of the sub-universe which represented a remedy for the fanatical nihilism of the late Frank Herbert. She didn't mention Mr. Herbert by name, having learned that Mr. Herbert had never existed on Seedubb Earth; but she did recount how Stillneater Ashtrayides had prevailed against the demonic influences which wanted to persuade him to ruin the lives of everyone in a population at least three hundred times the size of the Chinese population.

Protocol kept Chinese attention on Tutti; but a point was finally reached when Kai-Ma could request (on behalf of all the Party leaders) that B'Taolo tell some about her own species. Tutti, of course, translated for the Goldarnit woman-- who had the discretion to avoid any details which might give the impression that she was using her people's bad times as an indirect attack upon the Communist system.

"Planet Goldarn, where my species evolved, is many parsecs distant from any of the worlds in the civilization to which Scientist Howizzit belongs. Very similarly to the way that European countries took advantage of China when it was weak--" (B'Taolo had done a fact-search with Tutti's aid, which verified that this chapter in history had been the same for Seedubb as for Original Earth) "--a better-equipped biped race took domination over us for a long time. After we Goldarnits broke free-- and after other events which can be explained later-- a true-human hero named Jack Playfair wielded moral authority to promote nonviolent resolution of disputes......"

She proceeded to describe Copperfox's version of the Babylon Five saga. She did not, at this stage, discourage the Red Chinese from likening themselves to the Goldarnits. Victor "Cyberdork" Stoke had once told her the proverb "You can catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar." .

THERE WILL BE MORE OF THIS AT A LATER TIME, PLUS MORE ABOUT THE TEEN TRYOUTS >AND< MORE ABOUT STEVE AND MARCIE.
 
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