Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

In the eastern Colorado of Bat-Earth, the Native American stunt rider Shirley Digs-Many-Roots was continuing the job of integrating diverse talents for the planned humane rodeo, supported by Deuce Wayan's brother Ben. During this time, the one and only recording studio in Lincoln, Nebraska hosted the rising pop star Maxie Viva; also the composer Pryor Feldon, who had written background music for "The Taming of the Street Brat." Washday Anagram, her green-haired enabler Sybil Dampning, and Interior Secretary Ladora Greeley watched and listened while the band Kuan-Yin Artemis played, and Maxie sang her latest song, one with a harder beat than most of her tunes.

"I see a red man, and a white man, and a black;
Their color doesn't matter as I turn my back.
I see my posse girls-- (looking at Washday) --dressed in their yoga pants;
We all agree that cavemen don't deserve a chance....."
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More with Washday and Maxie later. At this time, it was night in the Union of Cooperative Collective Republics. At the zoological research station close to the city of Omsk, in the eastern reaches of Siberia, Lavrenty Borisovich Bakunin was, cough cough, enjoying the company of his Yakut girlfriend Nariyana Aytalovna Keskil. She was the witness whom he had brought to see the enhanced reindeer fawn at the secret biochemistry station.

"Lavrenty, prekrasny lyubovnik,I can't help wondering: what will become of Zaznoba when the project moves to a later stage." She was referring to the somatically altered young reindeer she had met.

"Not to worry, golubka. No one will turn her into venison sausage. They'll hide her in plain sight. Precisely because she's so tame and friendly, she can live with one or another of the researchers. If they create the end product they hope for, she'll never be notorious. She should have a happy life in obscurity-- probably longer than her species norm-- while the main actor in the play gets the attention."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Pavel Orlov, one of the leading biochemists in the gas-well-bacteria-usage project. He answered only to Doctor Yevdokia Danilova, who held three bioscience doctorates, besides impeccable Party credentials. We find Pavel and Yevdokia two stories underground, looking into an enclosure partitioned with super-break-resistant glass. Inside, hooked up to tubes and cables like something in a monster movie, was a male polar bear-- who had been unconscious but life-supported for several days now. Being cordial coworkers, but not lovers like Lavrenty and Nariyana, they conversed in a tone at the friendly edge of stiffly formal.

"Doctor Orlov, what's your recommendation for the cell-division rate?"

"I suggest that it be accelerated by no more than six percent, with nutrient inflow increased eight percent as bones, cartilage, nerves and muscles continue growing and taking shape."

More professional discussion followed, but this much will give the idea, so I can look at other characters. Yes, a polar bear is being altered with techniques developed on the fawn Zaznoba. Yes, it will be important soon. Back to the environs of Limon, Colorado.

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At the Audacious Angus Ranch in eastern Colorado, the fourteen girl acrobats from China had been practicing diligently with Shirley Digs-Many-Roots the Cheyenne woman. Shirley's horse was fully at ease with the slender Asians by now, and with two boys from Limon. One of these, by mere chance, had the same first name as ranch owner Benjamin Wayans. Benny Lake had carved his own pair of wooden stilts, and was pretty good at walking around on them. The other town boy, Steve Grant, owned both a dirt-track bicycle and a unicycle. He and Benny could move around well: not exactly a headliner display, but both boys could become part of the moving tapestry that Shirley and the Wayans family were planning.

Ben Wayans offered the new boys a summation of the game plan. "We want to be able to open soon. Musical acts are still being lined up. You two, and the others you're practicing with, will become the very environment for the event. This will be like a Renaissance fair, with cast members circulating among the patrons while highlighted acts use platform stages."

"Any more acts to sign on?" Steve asked.

"We expect a parade of purebred dogs: border collies, mountain dogs, rare terriers, and so on. A cat show too, probably; in more controlled conditions, of course."

Benny laughed at this. "One time our cat got her head stuck inside one leg of Dad's dress trousers."
 
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As on Original Earth, Jinan was one of the biggest cities in central-north China, around one-third the size of Beijing. Theda Kirby, half Chinese despite her name-- sister to Chang-Shi Kirby of Street-Bat's inner circle-- had used the pretext of seeing acquaintances to make her way up to Jinan. There she met with personnel of a seismic monitoring station. There was no need to be evasive about what brought her here; the world now knew about the elemental dragon Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin. The geologists lapped up everything she could tell about the monster's non-murderous but property-damaging activity in America.

At one point, the eldest man in the station disclosed something: "We have records of movement, below the crust, over the last four days. If this was Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin, it started each time from somewhere under the Indian Ocean seabed, then snaked as far north as eight degrees latitude above us before turning back. The deep-layer paths followed latitude lines, progressing east to west."

"Is there anything known to you that the creature might be looking for?"

The geologist shrugged. "Many of us know that in legends, Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin was vanquished by the Righteous Mountain Warriors." (What he means is Bat-Earth's version of True Earth's "Water Margin" kung-fu legends.) "But no recognizable successors to those heroes exist in the world today, that the earth dragon should be scouting for their possible presence as a threat to look out for."

"Any other hypothesis?"

"The nearest guess we have is that Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin is coming just far enough north to reach out with its elemental senses. Trying to spy on something happening up in the U.C.C.R."

Neither Theda nor any of the seismologists knew anything about the animal-altering project in Omsk.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Back in the United States, Interior Secretary Ladora Greeley, after an enjoyable visit with President Hegel, took on more visits to the burgeoning Life Avenues. Her visits were an equal mix of giving speeches to Oneness Pioneers, attending self-criticism sessions, and play-acting as a regular person. This routine included standing in lines to be weighed for portion calculation before eating plant-based "meat" and plant-based "cheese" with organic spinach and steamed rice. It was a highlight when she presided over the opening of a new, relatively small Avenue overlapping Kansas and Oklahoma.

Mere hours after she departed from this location, she was mentally contacted by Fin-Zin-Chin-Pin, as follows: There is activity of importance in the northeastern U.C.C.R. The nature of your office in America makes it plausible for you to visit the Omsk region. There are facilities which would probably detect my subterranean approach; not that I fear anything the Russians there might do in the short term, but their activity might eventually lead to something inconvenient for me.

So, abetted by Beatrice Wayans-- who figured that Ladora's absence would mean Beatrice getting more of Mark Hegel's attention-- Ladora soon had her ticket for a flight to Siberia. Lavrenty Bakunin the researcher would guide her inspection.

This has been an insert of sorts; I need time to decide what can happen on Bat-Earth of a more thunderous nature.
 
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This chapter will return to Punksteema, but not to the setting based on the Gormenghast Trilogy. I want to resume Jonawiku's adventures. We last left him and his dog Fish Hook searching for clues to new armament in lands west of Samplibam.

LOTS of stuff to refresh! I gather it haphazardly-- to KEEP it available, since my Keanu Reeves imitation has been offstage for ages.

=====>> Firstly, good-aligned characters who play, lately have played, or soon will play a role in the ronin-archer's mission:

Field-Master Nefekor, a sergeant-major equivalent in Shogun Wajitujit's army, who has received the Towerman anointing. / Odilladet Gohuhal, a former servant of the necromancer Jaheg-Jorod; she was restored to life by the Colorless Quetzalcoatl after having been a zombie for many days. Meeting Jonawiku after she was re-humanized, Odilladet informed him that Azellajo, a young kinswoman of the archer's deceased wife Shufiro, would be in peril in the near future. Odilladet is able to operate a "rattle-gun." / Zutozar, a female Tengu, whose husband had perished in battle against foes of the Shogun. She has two nephews, Butabik and Widagro, who assist Nefekor in scouting; they have become pals with Kambijud, a teenage boy from the friendly city-state called Flodmarth.

AN EXASPERATING DETAIL: I could swear that I said Jonawiku acquired an additional dog after Fish Hook, but now I can't find any post mentioning the new dog. Accordingly, if such a dog pops up somewhere back there, I decide that somehow a misplaced owner got reunited with this dog. Happy ending there.

"Fist-of-Ice," one of the leading men from Tagdoss, will encounter Jonawiku soon, accompanied by his warrior son Bronze Raven. Zakatuho, historian to Shogun Wajitujit, who can speak Tagdoss-Flodmarth, will be brought by "walk-on" Tengu at a plotline-suitable time.

Some who have heard the gospel of Jesus from Mistress Mukuma call it Krissa-Channity.

House Burakarut is hostile to the Shogun. The expert weapon-smith Neridim Yubiwaza belongs to them, and was personally prompted by Jaheg-Jorod to invent the rattle-gun.

__/***\__/***\__/***\__/***\__
---- FOR LATER ON, >AFTER< JONAWIKU HAS DONE ENOUGH AND WE >CAN< LOOK ELSEWHERE:

Labor Captain Jarsken Bowdrie, and longtime peddler Victor Shelsidan, have been busy in open country east of Lower Wenzeppu, building a permanent trading-post enterprise with plains tribes. One such tribe has a collective name which translates as "Snow Drinkers." AFTER Jarsken and Victor were last seen, Roy Crinkly from Gahurr, who had been on the side of good in the Battle of Oxhide Spring, joined them. Roy is the one with a mighty buffalo gun, and has lately added a five-shot revolver. He will have reported his becoming a Towerman.

The compact airship "Cloud Wagon," with Captain Veskamet Jolut who knows about telegraph projects, may turn up.

There are newly-created characters from the Hodsup, a tribe farther southeast, whose tribe name is untranslated: Middle-aged father Noon Runner, his lovingly-tended mother-in-law Four Cloaks, his wife Singing Tree, her sub-adult brother Dirt-In-Hair, and his fifteen-year-old son Black Axe. These will have settled nearby, after parting from other kinfolk in view of scarce game. One Hodsup brave, not the same family, was already at the post, learning about modern architecture from Jarsken. The brave's name is Watchful Gopher: not a demeaning name, because the Hodsup admire the gopher's alertness.

///// One Snow Drinker, a widely-ranging scout, will be seen. Swooping Raven can boast of having seen a seldom-visited peninsula on the ocean, farther southeast; he wears a vest decorated with colorful shells from there. .
Commerce Mediator Triglon Fedlo from Lower Wenzeppu is a natural to visit the trading post, maybe on board Cloud Wagon

++++++++++++++++++++++

Still in the Ominous Lands, Jaheg-Jorod has had several remote conversations with Frantic Druids on the moon. Main contact, not seen before, is a male named Bexpodo Yellowstem, the father of Star Swallower. Bexpodo took a long time persuading the other Frantics to accept use of technological weapons. Tidumo, the Wellvernian coastal state related to the Loi-Hukshem and Loi-Bavrid, whose shipping Yarbeck Trask attacked, is the desired target, since it is Christian-friendly.

0000000000 \\\\ Jizbrol Tazaff (surname first) from Quelidar, and Kring Dakamish from Jeltua, are the designer and pilot of the dirigible "Queen's Favor," which has been on many adventures. Tazaff is the one who hopes to fly to the moon. He's working on formulating a rope elastic enough to snag the passing moon. Heejee faf-Tujan the marks-girl, daughter of Sazka faf-Boli the lensmaker, is in the expedition. Her Mifdolan bestie, Yadiva Jilris whom she trained in rifle use, is along too.

Rizlaya Tohir, the good sorceress at Prethlonstead in Felruda, may be involved remotely. Since this reality allows GOOD magic to exist, Pastor Silas Larkburg of Saint Kung-Sar Free Church in Tablanor might visit Rizlaya to confer (if he isn't at sea with George Rothermill). Whistler Jerkysalt of Sneeziya in Rufnekkia, as well as Veevalamora Heartlifter, may be involved.

Mellow Druid Froliptar Greenbranch is with them too; I think I'll make him the one who finds an answer...... perhaps after visiting the Elves of Ruffnekkia! Those might have magic rappelling ropes for cliff-dropping. In case it becomes relevant: Habohai, the Uzakmid of Shangri-Blah (analogous to a Dalai Lama), is able to communicate psychically with Queen Juliet-Andrea of Austreejuntzland.

General Cornell Brandon's home is in Tasmuthshire. He is unlikely to finish his far-away diplomatic mission before Froliptar visits this nation.

RONALD OF GOLIAD, long sidelined, knows about the realms along the Six Nations River, and so must go there at last!

At the Pril estate in Hukshem, the Nizozuan women Warrodai and Bohili are well along in Smoke Maiden instruction from Razibi Zur, daughter of the Prils and wife to the dream-wizard T'Pinnok Zur.

OKAY, as I return to "present-time" narration, all of the story-facts given here will be assumed.
 
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"Guardsmen, make final observations against possible hazards to the lift-off."

"Yes, Your Highness!"

Within sight of Queen Sotavalit's palace in Mifdola stood a freshly constructed airship, a slightly smaller counterpart of Queen's Favor. Named King's Honor in memory of Sotavalit's widely-loved father Feckladast, this lighter-than-air craft embodied every improvement on the original design which could reasonably be devised-- under the guidance of three native-Mifdolan craftsmen who had become Captains of Skilled Labor. (Might name them later.) As with Queen's Favor, a modest-sized coal-burning engine both fed heat into the buoyancy envelope, and turned a driving propeller. Jizbrol Tazaff's innovation of single-use rockets to make hasty course corrections had been retained. And Prince-Consort Felipe Catalano was not neglecting to cast his good-magic protection-against-evil spell on the airship; this had proven to be a strong survival factor for the older dirigible.

This was occurring just under a tenday before Gahurrite huntsman Roy Crinkly joined up with Victor Shelsidan at Victor's trading post east of Lower Wenzeppu. Roy got along well with Native-American-like Hodsup tribals, many of whom were acquiring knowledge about industrialized societies. The reader should assume that when King's Honor lands near the trading post, it will be chronologically more or less in the middle of Jonawiku's wilderness quest with Odilladet.
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"This clearing, right here, was our campsite when we practiced with non-working models of rattle-guns. Yarbeck Trask was alive then, telling us fragments of the plan. We didn't know much about any place east of Samplibam or west of Udraski."

No breakthrough discoveries were forthcoming that day or the next. But the Towerman ronin was pleased to notice his older companion recovering practical skills, such as ditching a shelter built on a hillside, so people (and dogs) lying inside it wouldn't be harshly awakened by rainwater soaking their bedrolls.

At last, over a breakfast of fish and edible roots, Odilladet suddenly announced: "I believe the ordained time has come for us to begin seeking Azellajo. My premonition is that we will find her one day before the unknown danger draws near to her."

Jonawiku said, "The formula for 'cannonpowder' has been duplicated by now; the Shogun's troops now have it for their rifles. But did you have any part in manufacturing the propellant for Trask's weapons?"

"Not I; but I know there was a storage cache for some of it."

They went in search of the hidden ammo dump. Enough of the nitrocellulose powder was there to have kept a company of riflemen shooting for an hour or longer, assuming enough cartridges to contain it. Fish Hook smelled it out, and helped to uncover the casks. They transferred the supply to another spot, which the ronin would be able to find later.

This was enough to fill the interval before Jonawiku son of Mofiruzo was supposed to search for the kinswoman of his departed Shufiro.
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"Sub-Chief Balzik, please have a look at the new horseshoe forge," said Listens-From-Weeds. "Most of all, say if it will pass enough air through."

At the time when a good-guy force humbled their oligarchy, Count Omar MacFrancis and his wife Countess Cleopatra had fled northward with family, retainers including Balzik, gold-- and a working rattle-gun with ammunition. During the time since they last were onstage, the MacFrancises had found safe harbor with another sort-of-like-Native-Americans community. The Fish Masters, as they called themselves, had profited in the form of technology from their association with Silnarp, and some had served the oligarchy as mercenary light infantry.

After the farrier's forge passed inspection, the mother of Listens-From-Weeds joined the two men. Piercing Eye was a divining woman, similar to the Trail-Chooser in Upper Wenzeppu who had been helpful to the Towermen. She now had something to tell Balzik, for the ears of the Count and Countess.

"Sub-Chief, your master and mistress need to know something. You may remember how a sky-boat of your nation once visited Samplibam, and some of the sky-travelers murdered the wife of a mighty warrior called Jonawiku. This man will soon come to Fish Master territory. He is not now seeking blood. He knows that your master's clan had no part in his wife's death. If his errand is not hindered, he is not likely to harm anyone. But this much is all I know."

Balzik frowned. "Can you say if Jonawiku's errand concerns the guns of my clan?"

"This I know not. I can only say that, at this time, he has no intent of starting any conflict."
 
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When there were any settlements to be seen, Dijimoyat the Tengu had been keeping watch over his ronin friend from a very long distance. He reckoned that actually accompanying Jonawiku would attract unwelcome curiosity from strangers.

All Tengu, from childhood, learned how to respond to the heavy winds which accompanied each overflight of Punksteema's abnormal moon. We now see Dijimoyat facing a predawn overflight. He could have landed, which he did more than half the time when a moon-pass found him aloft. This time, however, intuition told him that something unusual was coming. All Tengu knew by now that the evil Frantic Druids had found the moon inhabitable, and had at least once launched a magical attack against good-aligned people on the planetary surface. Jonawiku's hawk- headed friend sensed now that something was up. He descended toward where Jonawiku, Odilladet and Fish Hook were encamped.

The border-collie-like dog knew by now to regard Tengu as friendlies. When she approached him, Dijimoyat mustered his talking-with-animals ability. Pointing toward the south-- which meant pointing toward the distant Equatorial Ocean-- he told her, in essence: At this time, there are no good humans anywhere close to us in that direction. I will be sniffing in case any good humans appear on that side later, but for now, I expect BAD humans to approach us at some time, especially if we stay here. (Part of a Tengu's animal-outreach talent included helping the animal to understand concepts like the passage of time.) While things are this way, if you smell or hear humans coming from the direction I pointed, do not bark. Warn us quietly, by quiet growls and pointing posture.

With long-term instructions absorbed, Fish Hook trotted a circling patrol of the vicinity. Dijimoyat, meanwhile, ate a hunk of bread. Jonawiku and Odilladet were sleeping on opposite sides of the campfire. Soon after completing her tour, Fish Hook lay down to sleep a while beside her master. Sensing her presence, the Towerman archer hugged his pet close to him; glanced to see that Odilladet was all right and the Tengu was remaining on guard, then went back to sleep.

No emergencies emerged that night, but Dijimoyat would make sure, before HE slept, that his human friends knew about his foreboding.
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LONG-DISTANCE CHANGE OF SCENE: SOUTH CONTINENT, IN AN EARLIER TIME ZONE FROM JONAWIKU'S CAMP.
NOT THAT PEOPLE ON PUNKSTEEMA HAVE EVER AGREED ON DEFINING TIME ZONES.

Many days' march west of the sort-of-Asian-ish realm of Datsunsel, General Cornell Brendan sat at a council fire with veteran braves of half a dozen tribes, none of whom had waged war against Austreejuntzland in living memory. Some, however, HAD waged war against each other at times; and the very presence this evening of an impartial white chief was facilitating peaceful interaction among the diverse plainsmen. The tribe on whose range-land the meeting was located was called the Fazufor (accent on second syllable). Eeyabibit, a wise woman of the Fazufor, held a sort of chairperson's baton, coordinating men's turns to speak.

Gathered behind the General were the ten Jardekka warriors who had accompanied him on this diplomatic mission. Rutger Sharpe, Corporal of the Queen's Dragoons (who looked remarkably like the Earthly actor Sean Bean in his thirties), remained among these, having been inducted as a member of the Jardekka tribe. Rutger had no wife, and at present no dependents for whom he needed to hasten home. While not finalized, it was looking as if he would be given leave to remain among the Jardekka, as a pledge of inter-ethnic friendship. Having shot arrows in sport back home, Rutger seemed likely to attain proficiency in all the martial skills of his adoptive tribe.

More than one maiden from the western tribes meeting here had glanced at the manly corporal with interest since he came. No one made any such overtures to the General, since he was known to be engaged to Daisy Anne Marshwood, who awaited him back at Hardbiscuit Cottage.

There was one tribe represented here whose men grew beards, called the Washadoli. (First syllable is not like the English word "wash," but rhymes with "splash.") The ranking man among the Washadoli at this powwow, a broad-shouldered pillar of muscle, rose to make his contribution, relying on sign language which Eeyabibit understood well. Knowing the Jardekka spoken language, the moderator spoke to Rutger, supplementing this with hand-signs of her own.

"The warrior Best Rope Maker wishes you to know something about his people. They travel in great wagons drawn by the yellow bison of their land. Each wagon is made strong, so it can stop arrows and throwing-axes if horse riders attack. The Washadoli have compound bows which can shoot farther than the bows of any other tribe on the plains; because of this, they do not need to seek battle, nor flee in fear, for they can repel any attacker." This much being conveyed, Eeyabibit waited for the corporal to interpret it for Cornell Brendan. Then Best Rope Maker continued his sign-language speech.

To sum up what the hands of the wagoneer-brave said next: the Washadoli were not always able to shield their draft bison adequately when assailed by horsemen. (He glowered at some of the other assembled braves.) It was the one weakness of their wagon-fort strategy. Could the white men offer anything in barter which would protect the yellow bison more completely?

General Brendan was well versed in history from Punksteema's equivalent of Earth's medieval era (in which Edgar Pallendin, the first Towerman, had lived). The General considered the barding armor once provided to old-time war horses. It should be possible to reproduce this protective gear for the wagon-drawing bison of the Washadoli.

By the time the council adjourned, General Brendan and Corporal Sharpe were fairly sure that they had gained a friend in Best Rope Maker, without alienating any of the other prairie nations in attendance.
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HAVING FURNISHED A REMINDER OF WELLVERNIAN PLOT ARCS, I'LL REJOIN JONAWIKU'S PARTY ON THE ARCONDOYLAN CONTINENT.
 
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The MacFrancises of Silnarp received an unexpected visit from Jaheg-Jorod, who materialized alongside a deeply-tanned man whose garb suggested a Frantic Druid. "Mizlaposh Farby here is not a Druid," the necromancer explained. "He is from the distant land of Brishlo, but the Frantic Druids recruited him from there, because he has worked with explosives." A glance invited the demolition specialist to speak for himself; Mizlaposh took the cue, speaking in a commerce language.

"My lord and lady, simple packets of boom-dust can be thrown at a target by siege engines." (Note: In older True Earth English, before steam engines, the word "engine" was used to mean what we would now call a catapult. This motor-less device would fling rocks or bundles of burning substances at an enemy.) "So you would have the benefits of artillery, despite your lack of modern iron forges to make proper cannon."

The MacFrancises could speak adequately in the trade language. Countess Cleopatra asked, "But whom would we shoot AT?"

"The same people who ruined things for you."

Jaheg-Jorod stepped in to make it more obvious for the demoted aristocrats. "You will shoot at those who meddled in the established order of both Silnarp and Udraski: the Samplibami, with their hangers-on in Tagdoss and Flodmarth. With Skillmaster Farby concocting fresh cannonpowder, and strong workmen to construct siege engines, the Frantic Druids and I can conceal your eastward movement. A swift bombardment on the two interposed city-states will draw the Shogun's army out to aid their friends. Then the Frantics and I can slip inside Samplibam, rally the Burakaruts to join us, kill that infuriating Mistress Mukuma, drive away the meddlesome Tengu, and place a new Shogun on Wajitujit's throne. In the broad picture, we DON'T want the One Whom I fear to enlist more new Towermen and Smoke Maidens. With Samplibam occupied by strong-minded people, the force of superiority will spread ever farther across Punksteema."

Count Omar caught the sorcerer's enthusiasm. "We have learned that other worlds exist. If you, invincible Jaheg, with the nature-masters, achieve dominion over all of Punksteema, might it be possible to voyage to those other worlds, and conquer them?"

"I will not lie to you, friend," answered the death-manipulator; "I do not know if that is feasible. But we shall keep it in mind."
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Many tendays' march east of Samplibam, Towerman Roy Crinkly was deepening his friendship with the plains-dwelling Hodsup tribals who frequented the trading post.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ D R A F T I N G , short-term:

It's logical for Jaheg-Jorod to call the Bloody Diggers to create a diversion eastward.
 
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Another permanent post of review, to re-orient readers to this gigantic salad bar of super-ing.

Top-line good guys on that Third Galaxy world include Superdude, Superhottie, Black Admiral, Bakerstray Bill, Thorpe son of Garryowen, Walloper Woman, Princess Grrrryyll, She-Wow, Oliver Hackman, Esteban Mazarino, and Sha-Na-Na.
 
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