Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

***** On the planet New Laziness:

King Highfyver summoned one of his space-traveling retainers, called Slightray, to join in deliberations with him, Grrrryll, and the high-level Sapphire Sisters who were currently present at the royal palace. Sister Opening-Notes-of-Stairway-to-Heaven-then-Cough-Twice outlined for Slightray how the Jersey Earth operation had gone. This included the catastrophic (from her viewpoint) change of conditions brought about by the love between John Stewmeat and Nolarivu Pamizo.

"Almost half of all our Sisters on that Earth are already making concessions to the hate-crazed Flashlights. Not only that silly Nolarivu, but Deezla Vozard, Yee-Mo-Mee-Baji, and several others, have begun PUBLICLY agreeing with Flashlight Stewmeat that sentiments and impulses achieve better outcomes when guided by facts and reason!"

The cosmic adventurer nodded gravely. "I recognize the danger you're describing. We base all our laws on the Emotional Scale. If mere external reality is assigned too much importance, we might be forced to examine and consider objective information-- like the number of worlds that Twerpseid invaded without our doing anything to help the targeted civilizations." He was not being sarcastic, he was whole-heartedly supporting Highfyver's determination to exalt "balance" above right and wrong. And he serenely ignored Grrrryll's frown at his disapproving even slightly of her deposed father's predatory actions.

"You're correct," Highfyver told his cosmic yes-man. "If we can't preserve a consensus that concrete logic is harmful, we might be forced to admit that wisdom extends BEYOND feelings. Then we might be forced to listen to someone who advocates opposing evil in a particular case, and we WOULDN'T be able to dismiss him or her as merely 'spewing hate.'

"All right, let's take some action to preserve our path of least resistance. I'll call Big Barndora and Wispy Mythical, and assign them to be the advance team for our intervention on that Earth."

YES, THE READER IS SUPPOSED TO LAUGH NOW AT HIGHFYVER'S EXPENSE.
 
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Barndora and Wispy were eating lunch at their home, after a morning well spent in teaching their skills to young people, though there was a limit to what Wispy could teach, because part of his talent was unique to himself. Suddenly, a voice intruded into both of their minds.

Listen carefully to me, my friends. I am the plotline-convenient good wizard Mazash. I stay in seclusion much of the time, but I've lately been intervening here and there, and I have noticed your own situation. I propose to make you both temporarily forget the misgivings you have lately had about your monarch. Thus, when he summons you shortly, he will have no way of guessing that you have doubts about his rightness. I cannot force this upon you against your will, but I believe you will consent to it given the circumstances..... All right, I perceive that you accept it. You will regain your full memories at exactly such a time as you would have preferred on your own. Then your next actions will be for you to decide.

As soon as the voice finished, the spouses looked at each other.

"I sure am glad that our King is always right about everything," said Wispy.

"Yes, darling," Barndora replied; "and I hope we'll soon have the chance to serve him at some task without ever questioning his judgment."

At this moment, both of them seriously meant what they said.
 
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Slightray came to the couple's house bearing a royal summons; met with an enthusiastic response; and carried them with him to the planetary capital, where by this time there were twenty-eight Sapphire Sisters assembled. Since most of the Sisters who usually worked with Stairway-to-Heaven-cough-cough were on Jersey Earth, almost all of the new arrivals were Sapphires associated with Rohavra, the high-ranking Sister who looked like a smaller and lighter-green She-Hunk.

"Barndora, Wispy, thanks for coming quickly!" exclaimed Rohavra. "The intolerant Flashlights brought outside metahumans with them to the Earth-variant in question; therefore, having your different talents on call may prove highly helpful. Both of you are qualified with sonic stunner weapons, are you not?"

"We are," answered Wispy. "Barndora taught me."

"Good. Although Heart Sapphires never kill--" (Rohavra could say this, because the Sapphire Sisterhood chose to believe that euthanasia didn't count as killing) "--using non-lethal weapons is morally permissible if it's to prevent someone from spewing hate."

When Highfyver joined them, the newly-arrived couple bowed to him and said they were very much at his service.

"That's good," said the world ruler. "Both of you can achieve great things without slaying anyone, so you are naturals to accompany the reinforcements."

"Sire, will you send us all by dimensional tunnel?" asked Barndora.

"No, because my intervening so openly would jeopardize the great cosmic balance, and reveal that I am the ultimate leader of the Heart Sapphires. Instead, some of the reinforcing Sapphire Sisters will carry you through space with them. You will arrive almost as quickly as if you had gone by tunnel. Slightray, as well as Grrrryll, will also be among the reinforcements. It will be good enough if you incapacitate the most oppositional-defiant personalities temporarily, so that the message of the Emotional Scale can turn those humans away from hate."
 
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IN THE SAME GALAXY AS PLANET NEW LAZINESS:

To remind the readers, the Hoofmarkians and the Jinobridons, two races related closely enough to intermarry and have no difficulties with their offspring, looked like mythical centaurs, only they had heads like bears. Even the Janitors of the Universe were unsure how two branches of the same race came to be so far separated from each other in physical distance, though it must be connected with wormhole travel.

Hoofmarkians, living in the Milky Way Galaxy, did not yet have spaceflight technology, but did have industry and the scientific method. This made them natural mentors for their cousins at the other end of the Red Streak Wormhole; Jinobridons were at a scientific level about equal to Original Earth in the year 1800. The Green Flashlight Corps had brought Hoofmarkian volunteers to Jinobrid to act as vocational teachers; and with superstitious resistance among the Jinobridons eliminated, it looked as if the help of Green Flashlights would not be needed much longer.

Except underwater. Though the lobsteroid Chubkripdak had gone to Jersey Earth with starfishoid Zuha Zuzob, either of the two non-water-breathing Flashlights remaining on Jinobrid still could work underwater from inside a protective sphere. The main practical point of undersea activity was to map seafloor thermal vents, as a potential energy source for the Jinobridons.

As we rejoin Flashlights Chief Instructor Indabog and the younger human Parbellik Magta, we find them at the Thinking Lodge on the island of Weejarzee. Folgratz ti-Shoga, former spokesmale for the "world bowl" myth, was now cheerfully swallowing his pride, speaking to major family heads of his island, and to representatives of seven other Jinobridon countries which did business with Weejarzee.

"If you boil a kettle of soup, it would be possible to have three kinds of meat in the kettle, with ten different vegetables, two grains, and four flavors of seasoning herbs. Each one of these ingredients would be a good and proper part of the soup; but you would not say that any one ingredient WAS ITSELF THE KETTLE.

"Before I was granted the fabulous adventure of rising into outer space, this was my error. I believed that Jinobrid was the kettle-- when in reality, it is one of the ingredients IN the kettle. And if our guests from afar happen to know more about the ingredients than we do, this is hardly a reason for us to refuse their teaching."

Craftsman Shifraf ti-Winloth began the applause for Folgratz.

Before the meeting adjourned, Indabog announced that he needed to return to Planet Wawa, where there were several just-selected Flashlight novices awaiting his mentorship. "I have every confidence that Parbellik and the Hoofmarkian artisans will be able to handle any new difficulties. My thanks to all of you for your hospitality."
 
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Indabog's departure for headquarters occurred two days before Highfyver dispatched Barndora and Wispy to accompany Grrrryll and the Sisterhood reinforcements to Jersey Earth. On the next day, Flashlight Parbellik Magta flew to the south-colder-latitude nation of Bwimbab, where some of the Hoofmarkians were helping the locals to experiment with electricity.

Appropriately for hoofed gallopers, the Hoofmarkian centauroids, having received input from Zuha before she left for Jersey Earth, had constructed a treadmill-powered generator. Since it was deemed too soon to start introducing telegraphy and radio, Zuha had suggested building an electric heater. The Bwimbabbers were already sophisticated enough to have begun developing a hospital before outside assistance appeared, so Zuha had said it might be a good idea to install electric heating in their hospital's equivalent of a maternity ward, in case new colts needed extra warmth if born in winter.

The centauroids appeared to be doing fine without any further super-powered assistance, but appreciated his respect for their accomplishment. Parbellik did, however, suddenly think of something related. Addressing a Jinobridon mare named Slidliff, who was an administrator for the hospital, he said:

"I was impressed to learn that you already knew how to make glass, despite sand being relatively rare on your planet. I'm also aware that you know the concept of dead-air insulation in the exterior walls of buildings. But, meaning no offense, do you extend the same principle to glass windowpanes?"

Slidliff stood silent for a moment, then did a very human-like forehead slap. "F'tidsholdo!!" (Whatever this meant.) "Of course, how stupid of us! No, I mean yes, I realize what you mean, but no, none of us ever thought of that. In fairness to ourselves, glass is not abundant with us, for the reason you mentioned. But making DOUBLE panes for glass windows WOULD reduce loss of heat in winter!"

Parbellik nodded. "Your best course probably is a compromise. Make double-pane windows for places like your hospital, where saving heat is especially vital. Elsewhere, just hang heavy curtains over single-pane glass windows in cold weather."

During his remaining days on Jinobrid, Parbellik Magta would of course continue to use his Flashlight powers, as when going underwater to survey the thermal vents. But much of the benefit he afforded to both centauroid races consisted simply in brainstorming sessions, as with Slidliff. A detached, impartial viewpoint is often valuable, whatever species you are.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
 
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The red-dwarf-star system which was home to Planet Jinobrid was very close to the Red Streak Wormhole. That is, "close" on a galactic scale. It was not so close to the wormhole as to be of any concern to the Heart Sapphire Sisters who were enroute from New Laziness to meddle on Jersey Earth. Nor was the last Green Flashlight still on Jinobridon worried about who might be flying past him without coming any closer than ten light-years.

But just close enough that a Sapphire Sister COULD sense a Green Flashlight on Jinobridon, if her mind was currently sensitized to think about Green Flashlights. The sensitized woman whom your narrator has in mind is nobody who has been mentioned before now.

Unlike those Heart Sapphires who had initially followed Stairway-to-Heaven-cough-cough, Tahushio Bleebu and Joza-Varu-Paf to Jersey Earth, Gambisu Luvardra (an instance of surname coming first) came from a planet in the same galaxy as New Laziness and Jinobridon. Luvardra looked very much like a Polynesian woman on Earth, except that her skin below the waist was mottled, like the rump of an Appaloosa horse. Any time her legs were visible, she would look as if she were wearing patterned hosiery.

Her homeworld of Dahudor had long enjoyed interaction with Highfyver's people, and was one of the earliest worlds to produce Heart Sapphires. Eight Sapphires before Luvardra had shared her surname. Fourteen generations of Dahudoran Sisters had done most of their work within their own galaxy, where they rarely met any equal opposition; but they certainly heard about action occurring in the Milky Way Galaxy. Not all tales of Milky Way adventure were grim or unhappy; Luvardra privately relished hearing true stories of Sapphire Sisters who had fallen in love with male-humanoid Flashlights. In every such story, the Sapphire Sister had always tried, at least in the early stage, to tell the male Flashlight he shouldn't ever fight anyone, whereas the Flashlight never argued that Heart Sapphires SHOULD adopt warlike ways. In all of these love stories, the Flashlight had never demanded that the Sapphire must quit the Sisterhood, but often the Sapphire had pressured the Flashlight to quit the Corps. In every case which actually resulted in marriage (there had been as many as eight of these just involving Dahudoran women, more than thirty overall), NEITHER partner had quit his or her fellowship.

The official Sisterhood position (dictated to them by Highfyver, as only high-ranking Sapphires knew) was that the difference in attitude proved Sapphires were in every way morally superior to Flashlights, even though Flashlights never killed anyone except as a last resort. Such love stories were certain to keep on occurring, since the Sapphires often consented to work with Flashlights in situations where fighting was not an issue, i.e. in disaster-relief operations.

Another chasm-crossing love story was getting started from the moment when Luvardra detected the presence of a humanoid male Flashlight on Jinobrid. The emotional nature of Heart Sapphire talents guaranteed that she would be aware of Parbellik before he was aware of her. When she veered out of formation, Rohavra instantly sensed the exact reason. Despite the urgency of trying to thwart the Flashlights on Jersey Earth, Rohavra told the others to let Luvardra go, and not rebuke her.

The Sapphire Sisterhood had NO higher law than "following your heart."
 
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PLANET PUNKSTEEMA:

The Loi-Hukshem seer T'Pinnok Zur, newly married to Razibi Pril whose brother D'Kovo was an apprentice to Ronald of Goliad, used his dream-sharing gift to communicate with wizard Felipe Catalano. He told Felipe that his (T'Pinnok's) latest future-telling dream had predicted him (Felipe) meeting a man from Bavrid who knew the Quelidard language and would enable normal communication with the Quelidard airship designer Jizbrol Tazaff.

On his end, Felipe had magically augured the fact that the lady detective Zoralee Jeralo (Felipe's object of unrequited love) was trying to overtake him, but had overshot him and was continuing west. Felipe had decided: if he could help Tazaff to get an airship built, that might enable them to join up with Zoralee as soon or sooner than it could work out on foot or horseback. In the meantime, since his journey was not secret, Felipe sent out speculative telegrams addressed to Zoralee, on the off chance that she might receive one of them and find out where he was.

Sazka the lensmaker obtained affluent customers in Tablanor, which helped the party overall. Her marksman daughter HeeJee, provided with silver bullets by some of her mother's customers, killed two of the dwindling number of undead walkers in Tablanor. On that same occasion, Felipe's cousin Ysidro destroyed a third ghoul with fire. With their pooled funds enlarged, Felipe's party moved on in the direction of the Bavrid Mountains.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, on Disappointment Plateau in Wellvernia (the south continent), the four mysterious black women were still camping, waiting to find out what their part was in the plotline. At least they had a better idea of who they themselves were.

In descending order of age, with the eldest of them being nearly sixty and the youngest in her early twenties, their names were Mukuma, Florence, Abigail and Halima. Their diversity of names existed for just one reason: because Punksteema reflected the laziness of novelists who don't bother about ethnic or cultural consistency for their characters. None of the travelers was closely related by blood to any other. They were all single and unattached, Mukuma and Florence being widows. There was just one kinship connection: Abigail was a younger sister of Florence's late husband Yohakim.

This much would have to suffice until they found their niche in the story.
 
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Rizlaya Tohir, the good witch who was an adviser to General Seldunin in Felruda (the country which had waged war on Tablanor, but which was now at peace with its neighbor), kept the story arc moving by telling her patron that a visiting Loi-Bavrid gentleman should be introduced to Felipe Catalano. This man, Korav Shim by name, had invested some of the money which built Bavrid's current generation of airships. He was now interested in finally owning one for his private use.

Provided by Rizlaya with descriptions of Felipe and Tazaff, General Seldunin assigned the cavalry scout Corporal Didima Fernwood to ride south into Tablanor and locate Felipe. She and her horse took a train part of the way, then set out to search.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

At an overnight campsite on the way over the top of the planet, Ronald's party resumed the sleeping arrangement which had worked for them so far. Penguins did not exist on Punksteema (bad luck for Punksteema), but the way they passed each night was like the way penguins endure cold together.

For each sleep-stop, humans and saddle-deer would all huddle together. A modest fire would be built upwind of them; and over the course of each night, the people and beasts would circulate. Any given individual would be in the middle of the heap for an hour or two, then would migrate to the outside. D'Kovo and Otto were the least accustomed to cold of all the party, so the others excused them from having to spend any time bearing the cold on the outside. The saddle-deer were by nature more cold-hardy than humans; but since these good beasts were doing the real work, Ronald, Burzu and Lester made sure that each deer would also have at least one spell of time with warm bodies all around.

It was a dreary way of trudging from day to day, but it was bearable.
 
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Zoralee and her transformed brother were still with Skagruth Johnston and his camelopards. One day when they were near a train station, a passenger train pulled in and a colorful stranger disembarked. This man looked like Gene Wilder on Original Earth, and was wearing a purple-and-gold suit with a top hat.

Running straight up to Zoralee, the stranger introduced himself as Donnie Tonka. Skagruth already knew about him. Donnie owned a chain of bakeries, built by his own talent and hard work. His bread, cakes and pies were well known in five countries. He had become so prosperous that all five governments had suddenly decided he was an evil business corporation, and were proceeding to tax his franchise out of existence. Like so many tycoons on Earth, Donnie was discovering that the men with guns can ALWAYS prey upon the men with money.

"I happen to have heard of you, Miss Jeralo, and I know about your 'tame' doomrat. Hello, Billyboy, I hope you find your cure soon. All I have left now is a modest legacy unconnected with my bakeries, which originated outside of the countries who have robbed me. But I also still have my wits and my talents. I want to invest my final reserve cash to become a partner in your detective business. I can sing and dance, obviously bake, ride horses, row a boat, crack secret codes, invent machines, AND handle swords and guns."

Mister Johnston urged Zoralee to accept the offer, since it would help to move the story forward.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Colonel Zaptrim of the Malgriff Hussars was waiting for his wounded soldiers to recover, after their victory over the Bloody Diggers. People in both of the small sister kingdoms, Brishdar and Brishlo, whom the cavalry had rescued were abundantly grateful, ensuring a friendly future attitude toward the land of Bamulica, and toward Malgriff and Sagrum Thanedoms in particular. The Colonel identified one of his men, Private Stanley Fisher, as the most skillful in his force at learning languages. Giving Stanley a brevet promotion to sergeant, Zaptrim arranged for both neighbor kingdoms to accept him as a temporary ambassador for the Malfgriffs and the Sagrums. He would shuttle north and south, learning the customs of both kingdoms, and would write a detailed account of what he learned.

All Bamulican casualties who had not perished outright in the battle, were soon well enough to travel again, provided they were not called on to perform any strenuous duty. The cavalry's resumption of eastward travel happened three days later than anything else occurring in this new string of Punksteeman posts. During that interval, a local telegraph office brought to the Colonel's attention one of the telegrams being sent out by Felipe Catalano. Nobody in the Malgriff-Sagrum expedition had ever heard of Zoralee Jeralo, but they had heard of the knowledge wizard.

Colonel Zaptrim sent a telegram back to Felipe, introducing himself, saying that he knew about Felipe but knew nothing about Zoralee, and offering to cooperate with Felipe if they were ever in the same place.
 
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>>> On Planet Hightone:

Since we last visited the planet ruled by a reformed fiend, Swimmer Pluto (the wisest, best and most beautiful of the Spacer Swimmers) had used her space-time reconnaissance abilities to determine that the cartoony arch-villain Skamartistor was ensconced on the sort-of-Mars-like planet Gagspoon, in the same solar system as Alwaysurnia, the home world of Mighty Male. Disturbingly, the bony-faced wicked sorceror had by now collected plenty of evil allies-- including a Black Adam counterpart separate from the Block Atom we have seen on Planet Senphatori. This villain, called Plunk Adam, was less powerful than Block Atom, but powerful enough to be useful to Skamartistor.

Swimmer Pluto had also ascertained that previously-captured loyal Alwaysurnians, including the metahuman Sledgehammer Man, were being held on Gagspoon, and that Skamartistor had magicked them into serving him.

When Swimmer Pluto told the other good guys about this, Actual Teerifica had remarked, "Old Skele-Dork must be planning to have these prisoners return home, supposedly escaping from him, but then seize control of Castle Greyhair."

"You're right," her father Weapons-Man had replied. "We should move against the base on Gagspoon first. If we can break the spell on our people there, we might be able to capture that entire planet, and so not have to fight as hard retaking Alwaysurnia."

"I don't think we should cancel the idea of hitting Crowdhack first as a diversion," Black Giraffe argued.

"We might be able to strike The Mob on Anoxia, AND strike at Gagspoon very quickly afterward," Mighty Male had put in, "if that good wizard Hector von Bootblack can get Sorcery Lass back to us. An otherwise light force, if she leads it, would be sufficient for a credible diversionary attack."

All of the above was more than a week before present narrative-time. In the interval following it, Hector von Bootblack not only returned Sorcery Lass, but at the same time returned Mighty Male's parents (who were also She-Wow's parents). This was a no-kidding majorly joyful reunion. It was decided that the King and Queen of Alwaysurnia would be kept safe on Hightone, with Weapons-Man and Battery-Cat helping Mugwumpa to guard them. Swimmer Pluto, the fastest-moving of them all, would stand by on Hightone, ready to reinforce in either direction.
 
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Hector von Bootblack arrived on Hightone via his own version of a boom-tube. With him came the long-missing King and Queen of Alwaysurnia, followed closely by Sorcery Lass. Prince Andy ran to embrace his parents, and Actual Teerifica embraced Sorcery Lass. Hector advanced to introduce himself to Swimmer Pluto, who had immediately charmed him just by existing. She managed to steer their discussion back to business, calling Weapons-Man to join them.

It was decided that they would mount overlapping offensives. For the diversion, Sorcery Lass would consult with Swimmer Pluto and identify an easy target on Anoxia. She would use her magic to inflict property damage on some place belonging to Crowdhack. Two of the four-armed Hightoners, trained by Weapons-Man to use guns, would simply shoot up the same sort of non-living objects that the sorceress would be disrupting. This being a small raiding team, Swimmer Pluto's watchfulness would mostly be directed toward them, in case they needed help.

Going against Gagspoon would be Mighty Male, Actual Teerifica, and Black Giraffe. Again a small team; but they were hoping to be joined in action by prisoners they would liberate. Sorcery Lass uttered a mighty spell over these three, so that any mind-altered captive Alwaysurnia they touched would regain his or her normal mind. Mighty Male would be carrying in a backpack half a dozen stun-ray guns, to be issued to friends whom they would set free.

Hector von Bootblack needed to return to his hidden headquarters very soon; but he took care of teleporting Sorcery Lass and her two helpers to the chosen location on Anoxia. Swimmer Pluto, after a half-hour delay, would retrieve them, wait another fifteen minutes, then send the other team to Gagspoon.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sorcery Lass and her two novice gunmen landed, as it turned out, in front of the same Evil Research Facility which Princess Advila's people had formerly raided. She broke every window in the place, tore its roof off, and changed several of the machines into huge piles of peanut shells. Her sidekicks damaged three parked vehicles with their gunfire; then they all flew off, landing three miles from their attack location. Sorcery Lass used the rest of their time before pickup to contact She-Wow psychically, letting the Princess know that her parents were also free now.

Equivvalentor, the close-to-all-knowing Dragon of Reasonableness, was aware of what Sorcery Lass did; but he was okay with it, especially since she and her two helpers had not killed anyone.

As for the tyrant Crowdhack, he initially assumed that the facility attack was the doing of She-Wow's followers. But when he went to the scene with ultra-sophisticated sensory devices, he picked up genetic traces which did not match any life-form native to Anoxia. (These were from the two Hightoners.) He therefore understood that this was an external threat.
 
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Though not a magic-user, Crowdhack was like the Lazytaxies in that his technology was virtually the same as magic. So he activated some more of his genetically-attuned equipment, and sent his voice directly into Skamartistor's unnatural brain.

"Hello, calcium-head, it's me! I bet you thought I didn't know you were on Planet Gagspoon! Do you still hate me like I hate you?"

"Not just 'like' you hate me," Skamartistor shot back. "You don't have the spiritual subtlety to be ABLE to hate me as much as I hate you. But there's a way for you to compensate: you can hate YOURSELF too, for being so inferior and unimaginative!"

After they exchanged a series of juvenile insults, Crowdhack resumed relevant discussion: "You can take comfort from the fact that our shared enemies aren't as talented as I am. Which is to say, MY spotting your true location doesn't mean that anyone like Mighty Male or the real Teerifica would know it. Thay may intend to hit you next. Um, you did at least make SOME efforts to conceal your presence on Gagspoon, right?"

"Of course, porcelain-jaw. If they do try anything, it will be on Alwaysurnia. And I'm sure since they're still fooled into thinking that the real Teerifica is keeping order there, my copycat can tell them to stand down, there aren't any enemies for them to fight."

Three minutes after the two master villains closed comms, Gagspoon came under attack.
 
Most of Gagspoon had remained in its usual condition: resembling Edgar Rice Burroughs' Barsoom, only with no flying machines. Skamartistor had all of his on-planet people and resources in a single fortified compound. Even his prisoners were there, in a segregated section. This had the fortunate side effect that native Gagspoonians were out of the line of fire.

Mighty Male, Actual Teerifica and Black Giraffe, each of whom was stronger than any individual bad-guy footsoldier they met, knocked them sprawling and hurried on to liberate the prisoners. Sorcery Lass' magic worked, restoring the freed captives to their right minds. To their surprise, Swimmer Pluto did not merely fetch them back to Hightone. Instead, she appeared ON Gagspoon in person, and created some sort of energy barrier around herself and all friendlies, before space-gating them all back to Mugwumpa's planet. There, she sat down in apparent exhaustion.

"Are you all right?" asked Black Giraffe.

"I'll recover; but I only hope that my trail-covering exertion worked. Skamartistor has more than his usual subordinates there. He also has people from the Frank Herbert-derived sub-reality, known as Naughtygators. They possess a space-time tracking power almost equal to my own. If they can unravel the quantum barriers I created before we left Gagspoon, they'll be able to follow us here.

"As soon as I catch my second wind, I need to call the other Spacer Swimmers to join us here. Them, and any available mortal superheroes as well. If Green Flashlight Lucy Luminous has returned there by now, we certainly could use her.

"Mugwumpa, if you have anything like bomb shelters on Hightone, get ready to send into the shelters anyone who isn't capable of joining in the defense. There's a serious chance that we'll have unwanted visitors very soon."
 
When Swimmer Pluto recovered and reached out for more superheroes, she was disappointed not to be able to contact Green Flashlight Lucy Luminous. But some of her fellow Spacer Swimmers were available: Swimmer Mercury, who was immune to heat-attacks, and could cast spells by playing her Mercury Zither; Swimmer Mars, who had previously befriended The Banjolorian; and Swimmer Moon, with her Batman-like husband Tuxedo Dash and their cosmic daughter Chipmunkyusa. Also answering the call were the Hindu swordsman Bahavish Ogoshi, the armor-wearing man Combatalot from the Philippines, and Masked Biker from Japan. One brand-new female superhero joined them: a Guatemalan girl named Carmen Serpentiago, who could become a liquid for brief periods and was extraordinarily flexible and agile the rest of the time.

In childhood, though not yet super-powered, the Guatemalan girl had wandered off so frequently that people made a game of asking, "Where on Earth is Carmen Serpentiago?" Having only acquired her power a few days ago by way of some plotline-convenient mystical stuff, Carmen had not yet settled on a hero-name for herself.

When Swimmer Pluto brought all of these to Hightone across a dimensional bridge, Swimmer Moon, her husband and their daughter were the last to arrive. As they set foot on the planet, Swimmer Moon was emphatically promising Tuxedo Dash that this time she WOULD NOT waste the entire time of action reciting power-chants. Combatalot became smitten with Carmen as soon as he saw her; and since he had no such restriction as Dim Jargon obeyed, he took off his helmet and let her see his good-side-of-average facial features. Because he spoke Spanish as well as Tagalog, she was at least willing to converse with him. He scored a point when, learning what her metahuman talent was, he suggested that she call herself "The Liquid Snake."

Actual Teerifica was quick to befriend Carmen, and having plotline-convenient ability to speak with almost anybody, she began telling the younger woman about the history of Planet Alwaysurnia. All of the other new arrivals-- including Combatalot, who had the good sense not to be pushy about courting Liquid Snake-- received a briefing from Swimmer Pluto.

Tuxedo, Biker, Combatalot, Bahavish, Snake and Black Giraffe, having much less ability than any Spacer Swimmer to cross language barriers, would be kept together as a unit, intended for up-front slug-it-out fighting when this became necessary. Swimmer Mars would lead them in battle, and would interpret speech for them and among them. As a duty rotation, the Alwaysurnian heroes (including Sorcery Lass and Battery-Cat) planned to be awake when the new arrivals were asleep, and vice versa.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
 
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On Planet Anoxia, as soon as Princess Advila alias She-Wow learned that her parents and Sorcery Lass were safe and staying with her brother Prince Andy alias Mighty Male, she called for her clairvoyant friend Winkyblue.

"Winky dear, there's good news! My parents are free, and reunited with my brother; and Sorcery Lass, also free, just re-damaged the Evil Research Facility that we raided a while ago. Crowdhack's attempt to respond to this will give us the opening to hit him again, if YOU guide us. Find a place we can get to in less than an hour, where Crowdhack's people keep something valuable, and where Crowdhack HASN'T immediately sent fresh troops."

Six minutes later, the far-seer had a report for her leader:

"Northwest of our present camp, forty minutes by flying carpet, there's a place called the EVEN MORE Evil Research Facility. It's currently managed by an old enemy-- well, she's no OLDER than you, but she's been evil since age eight-- our old enemy Interrupta."

"I was wondering what became of her," said Flatfoot. "We haven't heard from her in at least four months."

"Whatever she's doing now," grumbled Winkyblue, "it's sure to be seriously despicable. Remember when she filled shoe stores with nanobot-controlled shoes which, no matter who put them on, would change back and forth between being too loose and being too tight?"

"I got a pair of those," declared a rank-and-file resistance man called Hopclodder. "My feet were blistered for months."

She-Wow nodded. "All right, we'll go after Interrupta. Winkyblue, Interrupta is an unskilled geek-nerd like you, so you can be the one to fight her if we see her. No need for you and her to knock yourselves out, just shove each other a bit. Toss in a few somersaults if you want to make it look more like genuine fighting."

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

To reach the Even More Evil Research Facility, She-Wow rode on her winged mare Sleetwind. Her followers were distributed on three flying carpets. Winkyblue and Flatfoot were among those on the leading carpet.

"I've never really fought anyone," Winkyblue confessed. "You have. How do I start?"

"By all reports," Flatfoot replied in soothing tones, "Interrupta never fought anyone either. You and she could start out easy, test the waters. try just insulting each other. Like, you could say to her, 'Your mother is so ugly that Mister T is the only man brave enough to look at her'."

"Who is Mister T?"

Flatfoot raised an eyebrow. "You don't get out much, do you?"
 
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Coming in at treetop level, the raiders beheld nine guards posted in front of the compound's outer fence. Eight were more or less human, but the ninth was a large, bluish, lumpy character, similar to Korg in "Thor: Ragnarok." The eight ordinary guards opened fire with rayguns, but of course they missed with every shot. Five of She-Wow's men fired back, and also missed every time. Bowstring did score three hits with arrows, but not hitting flesh; rather, his arrows knocked guns out of the hands of three guards.

As if that mattered, in cartoon conditions.

Inside the fence there were so many various objects that a carpet landing would have been iffy; so, better to land outside, then break in. And in Flatfoot, She-Wow had just the man to facilitate this.

The flying carpets were of good enough quality that if one stood up on them, they were as firm underfoot as a tile floor. She-Wow's metahuman follower leaped into the air, passing behind the lumpy blue guy, and came right down onto the front gate. He shattered it, metal parts and all, then spun to defend himself against the big blue guard. This was more of a serious fight than most clashes on Anoxia or Alwaysurnia: there were actual punches and kicks.

Eight rank-and-file men of She-Wow's team ran to engage the eight rank-and-file Mob guards. Nobody bothered shooting at anybody. Each pair of opponents went into a regulation wrestling lockup, clamping hands on the other man's shoulders, then starting to push and sway and stagger around. Flatfoot still was fighting the blue character. Sleetwind hovered, ready to help any friend in trouble; when the blue brute knocked Flatfoot down, she head-butted him. This left Bowstring and Hopclodder as the only males on She-Wow's side who ran in through the gate with the female raiders.

There ensued a not-really-lethal equivalent of the maze gunfight in the movie "Total Recall." She-Wow's forward party, and more than a dozen additional guards from inside the building, stalked each other among the miscellaneous and unfamiliar metallic objects in the courtyard. Bowstring scored two more guns shot out of hands, and tripped one adversary with a low swing of his bow itself. She-Wow disarmed four Mob gunmen with her sword, and rendered each one unconsci0us by striking the head with the flat of her blade. Hopclodder bodyslammed one adversary, and each of the female raiders (except the timid Winkyblue) knocked one enemy down with a kick. The locked door of the facility delayed them; but since the door was not a living thing, Princess Advila didn't have to feel any qualms about using her sword on it at full force.

Inside, they were confronted by an eight-foot-tall four-armed robot, whose upper-left and lower-right arms had battleaxes for hands. An arrow shot by Bowstring shattered on the combat machine's metal body.... but refer to "not a living thing" and "She-Wow's sword at full force." The Princess of Anoxia and her friends advanced past the wreckage of the robot.

What they found inside was horrible and evil indeed.

Crowdhack's engineering specialists had been creating coin-op drink- and snack-vending machines.... which were purposely designed always to give customers DIFFERENT ITEMS from what they selected.
 
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She-Wow's party, including those who were drifting in from outside the gate, after non-fatally incapacitating their foes outside, were appalled at the evil represented by the crooked vending machines. But someone else was even more appalled, for the opposite reason.

Through an interior doorway came a beautiful woman with long deep-crimson hair. "That's Interrupta," Flatfoot muttered aside to Winkyblue. "Looks like you won't have to fight her, even in pretense"-- because they could see that the enemy scientist was weeping and sobbing.

"This isn't fair!" cried Interrupta. "All I was trying to do here was to introduce DIVERSITY in people's refreshments! Now people will stay narrow-minded and intolerant!"

Winkyblue hesitantly walked toward her theoretical opponent, experiencing mixed emotions. Although Interrupta's grief at NOT being allowed to pull a dirty trick on people was ridiculous, she DID seem genuinely stricken and heartbroken. Then again, the sobbing redhead WAS in the service of a major super-villain, who in his time on Anoxia had committed as much violence as cartoon conditions would allow him to commit.

"Interrupta, my name is Winkyblue. I have never so much as punched anyone in my life. But I also never set people up for frustration by sabotaging their means of buying refreshments. What were you thinking? Or was it Crowdhack's idea?"

"His Mightiness told me to design something which would teach people to have low expectations. I came up with what you see." Now Interrupta raised her voice, hoarsely: "It would have been an instructive life experience for people!"

Tears came to Winkyblue's own eyes. "You expect me to give The Mob credit for something positive?" Drawing closer to Interrupta, she laid her hands lightly on the other woman's shoulders. "Crowdhack set us back half a century! Eleven members of my family suffered non-fatal flesh wounds in their left shoulders! And you think YOU have something to complain about?"

Interrupta stayed well ahead of her theoretical opponent in tear production. "You're mean! You're intolerant! I want my safe space!"

"My whole planet WAS a safe space until The Mob invaded us! You're the one who's mean, for helping Crowdhack!"

They argued back and forth until Winkyblue caught up with Interrupta's weeping output. Then they loosely wrapped their arms around each other and cried on each other's shoulder. Meanwhile, other members of She-Wow's team demolished all of the crooked vending machines.

""Winky, just bring her with us," the Princess told Winkyblue. "I don't think she ever intended to do real damage. She won't build any more evil machines for Crowdhack, and we'll protect her from any penalty he would inflict on her."

Winkyblue and Interrupta went on crying and clinging to each other for the wh0le return carpet flight. Back in She-Wow's territory, Interrupta remained so sorrowful for so many days, that it would take weeks for her to notice that every man whose heart was not given elsewhere, found her beauty absolutely fascinating.
 
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BACK IN THE ANIMATED-STAR-WARS-TYPE REALITY, after the successful slave-rescuing operation, the soldier Vin Gasleen volunteered to join Mopey-One Kanoli in the search for the Popquizzitor Massage Breathless. A latest-model A-Frame fighter-bomber, one with a bit more headroom for Vin, was made available to them. The first thing Mopey-One did after they took off was to step his companion through emergency measures to take if he, as pilot, were to be disabled in space.

Their course led to the planet which Sweetslayer had named as the latest place she knew of Massage Breathless having been. The planet Kummanokkin was home to a race of small people who resembled the Dufflepuds in "Voyage of the Dawn Treader." Several member planets in the Republic of Lots of Worlds maintained embassies here, embassies which represented the individual planets, not the Republic as a whole. These establishments oversaw commerce between their worlds and the Kummanokkinites. Happily, Kantpoo was among the planets thus represented; and the Kantpoolian people had not forgotten the good which Mopey-One and his master Quite-A-Guy Jim had done for them. The two searchers were given living quarters at the embassy for the duration of their mission.

Kantpoo being Kantpoo, the ambassador was inevitably a woman. Darma Larmadindong, recognizing Mopey-One, correctly assumed that he would be interested in how Poormee Armadillo's twin children were faring.

"All of us are a little worried because Duke doesn't want to be a poet or a florist. He also refuses to let his sister knock him down, step on his face, or slander his name all over the place. On the other hand, oddly enough, he HAS permitted Dana to step on his blue suede shoes."

More to the point of Mopey-One's present errand, Ambassador Larmadingdong soon succeeded in producing a lead for Massage's whereabouts. "At the start, you need to know that Miss Breathless has not created any trouble on this world. She is now employed as a caravan guard on the Hard Wind Plains; that area is most of the way around the planet. I hear nothing but good about her work."

"Shall we get going to that region, Master Kanoli?" Vin asked.

"Not immediately, but soon." The up-side master turned back toward Ambassador Larmadingdong. "If you approve, I would like to meet with whatever passes for legislators and-or journalists on this planet, and catch them up with developments in the recovery of the Republic."

This proposal was approved at once. Mopey-One would spend the next three days meeting not only with Kummanokkinites, but also with persons of other species. All were interested in hearing more about the campaign to prevent the crippled Empire of Evil Badness from regaining power. Even the footsoldier Vin Gasleen was allowed more than once to share his perspective.

By the time people's curiosity was satisfied, Darma had come up with an approximate location for Massage Breathless.
 
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Motorized vehicles, even simple airships, were not unknown to the native Kummanokkinites, but the use of working animals remained economically viable. Given their huge single foot, it was not practical for the quasi-Dufflepuds to ride ON any domestic animal, but riding in wagons PULLED BY animals worked just fine.

Getting used to the number-one type of local draft animal had been a weird experience, even for a bald-headed-but-otherwise-beautiful, martially-trained woman who had been on more than forty planets in her career so far. The lumbering beasts, like hippopotami who preferred not to swim, were called Shupshoops, which meant "backwards walkers." They were perfectly capable of walking forwards, but often went tail first, because their EARS were built into their tails.

As far as any scientist could figure out, the reason for this anatomical arrangement, and for the accompanying behavior, was because a Shupshoop's thick neck didn't allow the head to swerve sideways more than thirty degrees away from straight forward, whereas their sense of hearing worked perfectly in all directions EXCEPT straight ahead. An adult Shupshoop stood a good fighting chance against even the toughest native land-living predator, provided that the carnivore failed to take it by surprise. (The planet's carnivorous bird-equivalents couldn't do a thing to even a calf Shupshoop, as long as the Shupshoop kept its eyes closed.) Sight and hearing, as combined in this beast, would cover all threat directions; but marching backwards would protect the eyes from occasional sandstorms.

The Kummanokkinites encouraged backward movement by their draft animals, because this enabled a drover to direct the beasts with hand signals. In conditions of poor visibility, the drover could use a long rod to signal changes by tapping different parts of the Shupshoop's head lightly. The owner-and-animal relationship was obviously made more cordial by NOT using any methods which caused pain to the good beasts.

To her own initial surprise, Massage Breathless had become fond of both the one-footers and their work animals. Consequently, she no longer thought it beneath her warrior dignity to help and protect the harmless creatures. Only once, in her time working on this planet, had would-be robbers been members of the native sapient race, and in that case she had succeeded in subduing and arresting them without having to kill any.

She had been rather LESS merciful toward off-world criminals who came to Kummanokkin expecting easy victims.
 
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The caravan's planned midday stop loomed on the horizon: a fortified town whose name would translate into English as Hidden Spring.

Logically given the name, the town's water source was a deep artesian well, reached by a down-spiraling passage. Only heads of the local families knew the correct path to the underground spring. Workers trained for darkness descended into the caves twice daily, blindfolded, bringing closable containers, always led by an informed individual who was not their own chief. They would be taken through varying detours each time, descending and returning, as they carried water to fill storage cisterns.

This resolute security policy did not arise from hostility among the local families. It existed as a precaution against external threats. If everyone in Hidden Spring knew where to find the water supply, some visiting outside enemy could bribe a disloyal worker to deliver poison to the secret spring. Even a poison which was too diluted in the water to kill anyone, might still weaken the townspeople enough to leave them unable to fight effectively against an armed attack.

Just occasionally, someone who desired goodwill with Kummanokkinites, and who possessed the means to conduct extraction operations in space, would harvest ice from uninhabited bodies in this star system, then bring it to one of the communities on the planet, where the one-footers would be able to purify it by distillation.

Not long after the caravan shepherded by Massage Breathless came within sight of Hidden Spring, ten or twelve Kummanokkinites emerged from the nearest gate, and came boing-boing-boinging toward Massage, calling out her name in greeting. She waved back. When they drew closer to her wagon, they were all talking at once-- two of them in a regional language Massage DIDN'T know. She could tell that they had what they considered happy news, but Fuss users could not read read anyone's thoughts in precise detail. She finally pointed to the youngest individual, the one-footer equivalent of a ten-year-old human girl. "You, Teehodvi, you tell me what the news is."

Teehodvi flared her nostrils, her species' version of smiling. "A sky-rider has come bearing sky-drawn ice, and this is one of those who ask no payment. The ice is being distilled right now, and there's enough so that on the next well-trip each worker could carry just one canister."

Bringing ice to the planet for free did not necessarily mean that the giver had any hidden evil motive; but Massage felt solicitous enough for her friends' welfare that she had to ask:

"Is there ANY kind of answering favor that this visitor desires?"

"Only one thing, Mistress Massage. He asks that, if we see YOU, we must give you his word of honor that he means nothing but peace toward you. A tall man came with him, a man who seems good-natured also. They may be watching us right now."

Massage Breathless' whole body tightened suddenly. The drover beside her asked, "Mistress, is anything wrong?"

Massage laid a hand gently on the drover's shoulder, while casting her thoughts toward the town's ramparts. "I hope not..... I don't think so..... probably not..... I'm almost sure not......" She paused, concentrating harder.

"Oh! Oh! No! I mean yes! Oh yes, it IS he, it IS he! And...... Oh, he feels me reaching out! Yes, oh yes-- oh yes, it IS, he knows, and-- oh YES YES YES!!" She looked at her drover friend. "You can handle the last quarter mile without me, right?"
 
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