To arms, fellow Duffers!

[Lossëndil]

*sends miniature bombs dressed in brightly-colored jelly bean outfits*

 

[Miss Freckles]

And what does your mother think of this...typist?

She thinks he would look better in pink.

Lossy, only because Glen leans towards violence doesn't mean that- Why am I even trying? They're already planning my funeral in the other thread.

 

[Glenburne]

...which shows we are decent people. If we weren't decent people, we wouldn't give you a funeral at all.

Anyway, Lossy is more violent than I am. She wrote her senior thesis on Hong Kong gang movies, and no, I'm not making that up. It's only a small step from there to squirrels.

 

[Miss Freckles]

I don't see how squirrels are worse than impaling hands and displaying them at the city gate.

I wrote my thesis on Othello and that doesn't mean that I'm a handsome and wealthy black guy with trust issues.

Your arguments are crumpling before me, o Glenbert of Glenstoneville.

 

[WarriorSatyr]

What doth a crumpled argument look like?

 

[Miss Freckles]

Eh... I should have used a b instead of a p in that one word?

 

[WarriorSatyr]

Aye, thou shouldst have.

 

[Miss Freckles]

I'm reluctant to edit my post because then the subsequent posts wouldn't make sense anymore. Unless we edited those, too, and wrote something about my dizzying intellect. Shall we do that?

 

[WarriorSatyr]

Nein. Nyet. Non. Nayc.

(Okay, that last one might be in a fictional language.)

 

[Glenburne]

Google Translate says "nayc" means "nayc." For what it's worth.

I agree: let's discuss Freckles' intellect. It keeps sneaking into my room in the Asylum and smearing purple ink all over the walls.

 

[WarriorSatyr]

It is in a fictional language. Mando'a.

Freckles' intellect sounds slightly odd. Have you considered a restraining order? Or, maybe a retraining order?

 

[Miss Freckles]

I don't even use purple ink. I use blue, like Stephen King, to make it harder for posterity to identify the passages of Stephen King's It that I co-wrote.

Yes, he wrote that entire manuscript with a fountain pen. Fun fact: The title used to be It Hurts So Much I'll Probably Use a Typewriter For the Next Novel, but I suggested he leave it at It. Bam! Bestseller.

 

[Glenburne]

Freckles, I'm not talking about you using purple ink. I'm talking about your intellect, which you keep allowing to roam the neighborhood.

Can't you keep it in its playpen? Honestly.

 

[Miss Freckles]

I've tried everything but it outsmarts me every time! Some advice, maybe? How do you keep yours in check?

 

[WarriorSatyr]

I give mine money to work for me instead of the other way around.

Ah, you should see it crowd me on Saturday night, trying to get its wages...

 

[Glenburne]

The proper way to raise an Intellect is to keep it in a box and offer it food and water every day. If it won't eat, smack it. If it tries to climb out, draw the solar system on the inside of a sturdy lid and rubber band it to the box. If the Intellect becomes too talkative, play tragic operas at full volume. Teach the Intellect manners if you can. If you can't, use shock therapy.

 

[Miss Freckles]

Isn't that how the DLF was raised?

 

[WarriorSatyr]

No. The DLF was raised in a good home, but being allowed to eat everything in sight. It once will have had a thread in which people donated food to it. It was born at the very young age of....


Where was I going with this?

...


...


Oh, yes. The DLF is actually GG. I stick to this theory, and shall defend it with my last breath.

 

[Miss Freckles]

Don't be such a drama queen. Any other breath would do just as well.

 

[Glenburne]

I'd like to order a chocolate breath, please.