Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

The Telmarine lord was not only disappointed, but tired, as he drove home from another day at work. Idiotic drivers were out in full force that day, and he had to use his horn to reprimand one who seemed to have no idea what he was doing. When he got home, he received good news, and that made his day better.

Now if only he could figure out a way to beat his brother in tennis...
 
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xena the Warrior Princess, Catwoman, Elektra, River Tam from "Firefly," and numerous other ultra-unbeatable girl-power icons were at the Tough Chicks Club, having their usual endless arguments over which of them was the most omnipotent and infallible. Suddenly, a tall, beautiful half-Asian woman walked in, wearing some kind of military uniform.

"Who are you?" asked the female Starbuck from the revisionist "Battlestar Galactica."

"You may not have heard of me," replied the newcomer, "because only people who read books know about me. I'm Admiral Honor Harrington of the Manticoran Space Navy, and I'm the main character in a series of military sci-fi novels written by David Weber. My author made me superior in overall terms to every other character in the stories; but he _didn't_ go so far as to make me literally infallible and indestructible. Now and then, even a _male_ character gets to be right about something where I'm wrong."

"WHAT???" exclaimed half a dozen of the super-women.

"It's a matter of my author trying to preserve at least a _little_ realism."

As soon as she said the word "realism," Honor Harrington was astonished to see all the other women falling over dead from shock.
 
Unbeknownst to Captain Obvious, the troupe of middle-aged male American tourists had all survived the "everyone died" post a few pages back, complete with their black socks and sandals. They were, at this very moment, waiting for him at the arranged meeting spot near the beach for another Obvious Tourists Attractions Tour. Captain Obvious was late because he took time looking for his cheese, which had been mysteriously disappearing for the past few days.

"It' can't be," the Captain was saying to himself as he looked for the 10th time under the mattress for his snack pack of string cheese. "Not Cheezerella again!"
 
Davy Jones, lead singer of the Munkeys, decided to return to earth for a visit. Having been in Heaven, he now had a pair of wings, thus he now knew what it was like for flying blue birds, which he once sang about.
 
Meanwhile, the crew of Jean-Luc Picard's Enterprise managed, for the ninth time in ten episodes, to beg and plead their way out of being annihilated by another ultra-super all-powerful everything-doing space alien who had unlimited control over matter, energy, time, space, and even telemarketers.

"Thank God!" muttered Geordie LaForge.

Picard's eyebrows went up. "What, you believe in SUPERNATURAL BEINGS??"
 
Colonel Jack O'Neil had stowed away on board the Enterprise after stepping through a star gate that was set to teleport into the universe of Star Trek. He then answered Picard, "Yeah, but I don't believe in ones that dress up like Egyptian gods and men with snake and dog heads. Sam knows more about the Bible than I do, though."
 
The Grey Eagle simply waited for actress Amanda Tapping to switch back from her Major Carter character to Helen Magnus in "Sanctuary." Since the Grey Eagle and his fiancee allowed each other to have celebrity crushes, Grey Eagle could allow himself to appreciate how IMPOSSIBLY GORGEOUS Amanda Tapping was in her Helen Magnus character.
 
Several members of the mule brigade from "Monologues" thread poke their heads into this thread to see if it was safe to come in. They wanted to be sure it was not infested with 13-year old role players with unbeatable characters that only answered to the phrase "You Majesty." However, not all the mules wanted to come because most of them were still smarting from not having been declared honorary horses.
 
Emmett from "Silverado" was busy being the hero of Copperfox's "Emmett and Queenie" stories; but his brother Jake showed up to greet the Mule Brigade members. "Y'all shouldn't have any problem here," the cocky gunslinger told them. "So far, ain't never been more than two of them silly gals show up at one time, and mostly they just argue with each other. And I'd be glad to let good mules be regarded equal with horses."
 
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Deego, my sister's adorable little mustang, was intrigued by the mules and walked up to talk to them. He tried to get them to play with him by nipping at their shoulders, but that soon led to a kicking and bucking mess of horse and mules running all over the place.
 
A single velociraptor walking in Jurassic Park saw Edward and Bella smooching behind a tree. Luckily, this was in the Michael Crichton universe instead of the Twilight universe, so the velociraptor was easily able to eat the vampiric lovers. So it was that Twilight characters were once again humiliatingly whiped out.
 
Grey Eagle kept an eye on that velociraptor, in case it might somehow become vampiric in nature itself. If that happened, the superhero would have to destroy it -- which he would be able to do, being far swifter than it was and able to incinerate it with his firestarting power. The warning sign Grey Eagle was looking for was any indication of the dinosaur beginning to regard itself as incredibly sexy.
 
The velociraptor seemed perfectly normal untill it saw its own reflection in a mud puddle, at which time it began posing and moon-walking with devilish-looking grin on its face. Unfortunately for him, his vampiric enjoyment of watching himself in the mud puddle caused him to completely miss the T-rex that was stalking him, thus the velociraptor was swallowed whole.
 
"Well, you did my job for me," Grey Eagle told the Tyrannosaurus. "Tell you what: as long as you don't eat any human beings other than crooked lawyers, I'll let you live. Oh, and don't eat well-behaved dogs either."
 
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