Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

BarbarianKing said:
A. Wolf filed a complain in Federal Court against evil brick-making corporations for ruining his happy life and causing undue hardship upon his nice persona. Apparently, he was upset that these businesses had sold bricks to the smart pig to build his house with and A. Wolf couldn't blow the house down and eat the pig. Curse the darn bricks! Naturally, the ones to blame for him going hungry for a full 3 hours had to be those evil corporations that made a profit on the bricks.
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The tough-chick heroine from the "Resident Evil" movies came by to ask the Wolf if it was the Umbrella Corporation from her adventures which was responsible for the brick-selling.
 
Smerdyakov the duck rides into the thread in a motorcycle without a helmet, while carrying scissors and smoking a cigarette.

"YOU SEE," he shrieks, "THIS IS MY EVIL PLOT. TO BE A REALLY BAD INFLUENCE ON CHILDREN."

He then eats five candy bars before dinner, without brushing his teeth.
 
Monty Python's King Arthur and knights of the Round Table came riding through the middle of the scene on their imaginary horses. They stopped before a large castle wall, as Arthur shouted, "HAIL, DWELLERS OF THIS CASTLE! Who lives here?"
 
For the benefit of those who remember the EARLY "Saturday Night Live," a nasal voice from inside the castle replies: "Land Shark!"
 
At that moment, a velociraptor shrieked from inside the castle, then leaped over the wall and miraculously landed on the ground unharmed. The beast shrieked again, and darted off into the forest.
Galahad quoth, "What a strange animal!"
 
Meanwhile, in the hypothetical reality of the movie "Independence Day," after the invading spaceships were destroyed, a surviving alien was dragged in chains to face the imaginary United States President played by Bill Pullman. The President, his mind now more prepared against any new attempt at a telepathic takeover, told the monstrous invader, "You are going to have to answer for the crime of genocide, which you committed both here and on many other planets. Prepare to die."

"Racist! Racist! Extraterrestriophobe!" the alien howled. "You're just prejudiced against us because we're different! I demand a lawyer!"
 
King Arthur, who was still used to the medieval system of immediate justice, shoved the president aside and knocked the alien onto his knees.
"Different, or the same," Began the King, "you are still guilty of the crime of mass-murder, and in Camelot, the only punishment acceptable for this is execution." Arthur drew the shining blade of Excalibur from its scabbard and in a fluid motion beheaded the alien criminal. Then suddenly the Occupy Wall Street fanatics began waving signs and screaming, "Racism!" and "Alienophobe!" Thus the Occupy Camelot movement began.
 
After thinking very hard for at least 3 weeks, Captain Obvious came up with a brand new slogan that is sure to frighten (not to mention baffle and confuse) all evildoers on Earth: "Duh!"
 
Noticing all the protestors yelling angrily about King Arthur slaying the evil space alien, Merlin had an inspiration. "Wait, everyone, listen to me!" he called out, with magical voice-amplification. "What the King slew just then was actually an UNBORN BABY of that extraterrestrial race!"

"Oh, that's different," replied a leader of the protestors, and told his friends to cancel the riot.
 
The king, unable to handle the sickening double standard, vomitted on the nearest protester. After wiping his mouth off on a handkerchief he kept in his pocket and tossing it to the puke-covered protester, King Arthur addressed Merlin and all the knights with him, "Thank you Merlin, now let us all return to Camelot before anything worse happens."
 
"Too late, sire!" cried Merlin. "Something worse IS happening! Look over there: Andrew Adamson is planning a movie version of 'Anne of Green Gables,' in which Anne spends every scene furiously quarrelling with her pal Diana and her boyfriend Gilbert!"
 
Andrew Adamson called on his own version of Peter Pevensie to defend him; but unfortunately for him, he was forgetting that he himself had intentionally made the revisionist Peter into a moron. Adamson also called on his version of Robin Hood from "Shrek," but the revisionist Robin Hood was equally useless for the same reason. Thus, while the idiotic False Peter was trying to figure out which end of a sword to hold on to, and while the geeky False Robin was choreographing a dance routine, Andrew Adamson was pretend-killed, thus being pretend-dead for the remainder of this post.

The True Peter Pevensie congratulated King Arthur on even such a token victory as pretend-killing the corrupter of Narnian tales. All serious versions of Robin Hood felt the same way. Even the Cary Elwes version of Robin from the Mel Brooks movie shared their sentiment, because he was an AFFECTIONATE parody of Robin Hood, not a malicious tearing down.
 
Cheezerella DeVil tried to hatch a plan to kidnap some good looking dogs and start a coat factory with their skins, but after doing some basic research, she found out how stupid that would be. Dog skins hardly make good coats. This, of course, made her mad because moviegoers around the wold had actually fallen for such silly plot on an equally silly movie.
 
The Russell Crowe Robin Hood was attending the celebration and quietly hoped for a chance to disagree with some random king on some important matter. Secretly, he was hoping for an argument with either Obama or Hilary Clinton, whichever one showed up first. Since neither politicians showed up, he was perfectly content with watching Little John make a fool of himself by shouting lousy pick-up lines to the only girl in the area who happened to be as tall as him.
 
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