Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

(It's 1986) An 80s DeLorean suddenly appeared out of nowhere and parked itself in Lone Pine Mall parking lot. 80 some year old Doc Brown and 18 year old Marty McFly stepped out of the car and surveyed their surroundings.
"Everything looks ok," said Marty.
"But we've only just got back!" Said Doc. "After everything we just did in 1969, there could be any number of time anomalies that took root since then!"
"Heavy." Replied Marty.
 
"The Little Rascals," from _very_ old cinema short features, were drawn to this thread by the temporal wake of the TARDIS. But before they could do much of anything, representatives of the Change Party ordered them to leave. When Spanky asked why they had to leave, the most pompous of the two-bit political operatives explained: "It's because in your films, made long before television broadcasting ever began, the black children were treated as equals by the white children. Therefore, we _can't_ use you to promote resentment and grudges; and therefore, we don't want you around at all!"
 
Buckwheat had been hanging around since before the rest of the Rascals appeared, and when he saw the DeLorean, he couldn't help himself. When no one was looking, he crawled into the driver's seat and drove off with Doc and Marty frantically chasing the vehicle. Just when Buckwheat hit 88 miles per hour, the DeLorean vanished in a burst of sparks, fire, and light, leaving twin trails of flames on the ground that disipated after about 7 seconds. Doc and Marty were so surprised and frightened of whatever the consequences of this disaster could mean, and fainted in the parking lot.
 
Across the seas in Italy, some of the remaining Sicilian mafia leaders had a conference. They realized that they had become old hat, because now there was a Chinese mafia, a Russian mafia, and Jamaican, Vietnamese, Colombian and other mafias. The dons accordingly decided to diversify, by starting a Sicilian Boy Scout troop.
 
Ernest comes in on one of his last commercials and says:

"Look, Vern. It's not that Cheezerella was born evil. She was really a nice gal, you know? Why, she was even home coming queen at her school district's pizza party when she was 17. That's right Vern! What do you have to say about that? Doesn't that make you buy a new car? uh? See, what drove Cheezerella to evil was all that craziness about Soy Milk, Rice Milk, and all those other dairy alternatives! Why! That kind of stuff can drive a person mad! If it was you, it would drive you mad too. Know what I mean, Vern?"
 
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Vern, being Doc Brown's 10 year old son, replied with, "You bet I do! My dad says that soy milk has a tendency to de-manimize you over time. I can't get de-manimized!! I'm still waiting for dad to finish building my super-jet hoverboard!!"
 
Sir Tom the Dragon Knight said:
Vern, being Doc Brown's 10 year old son, replied with, "You bet I do! My dad says that soy milk has a tendency to de-manimize you over time. I can't get de-manimized!! I'm still waiting for dad to finish building my super-jet hoverboard!!"
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A Mary-Sue roleplayer declared, "No need for soy products; I'll gladly take care of the emasculating! I'll do it by playing that not only I, but _every_ female born, can massacre fifty men just by yawning when we get up in the morning... while I _simultaneously_ complain that we're oppressed and enslaved by icky patriarchal cavemen."
 
An icky patriarchal caveman enters the scene.

"Woman should stay in the kitchen," he said, "and further, they should never be in a position of power. Why, a woman president would be downright awful!"

He belches and downs a beer.

"Plus," he said, "They're so emotional and stuff, and they need to be protected by heroes like me. It's not like they're able to take care of themselves or anything."
 
The caveman says:


"This is exactly the sort of display of masculinity I enjoy! Men beat each other up, drink beer, oogle at women, and watch sports. Also, we eat pizza. We never have emotions or anything. Feelings are for infants and women."

A little boy of three begins to cry. the caveman lifts him by the ear:

"Cease this at once!" he cries, "Don't you know that real men don't cry?"
 
The Spanish Inquisition said:
The caveman says:


"This is exactly the sort of display of masculinity I enjoy! Men beat each other up, drink beer, oogle at women, and watch sports. Also, we eat pizza. We never have emotions or anything. Feelings are for infants and women."

A little boy of three begins to cry. the caveman lifts him by the ear:

"Cease this at once!" he cries, "Don't you know that real men don't cry?"
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Lancelot is sitting in a chair while sharpening his sword and says to the cave man, "Good grief, that is so unmanly. What are you, gay or something?"
 
"Of course not," replies the caveman, "For we all know that gay men are simply women."

He belches again.

"For you see, the only type of person who counts as a real man is the brawny, brawling type, like me."

He rips a phonebook in half to prove his prowess.

"You see," he says, "being a Man is all about physical strength. And not having feelings! My girlfriend and I went to see Titanic and she cried. I did not, because men are the completely opposite of women and therefore aren't allowed to feel. Instead of having emotions, I stare at attractive women!"
 
Launcelot replied with a grin, "You sure love being a wimp then, huh?" He then stood up, walked right up to the caveman, and punched him in the face so hard it sent him flying through two walls behind him. Lancelot then returned to his chair and started sharpening his sword again.
 
An elderly man limps through the thread. He is carrying a much younger (unconscious) man on his back.

When he sees the cavemen lying on the floor, he bends down to take a closer look.

He gently prods him with his foot.

The caveman stirs slightly.

The elderly man shifts the man to one shoulder and throws the caveman over the other.

He carries them both to the nearest hospital, leaves some change for their bill, and then slinks away, unseen.
 
Meanwhile, Buckwheat was in the Middle Ages! He was frolicking about in the Scottish highlands with a herd of sheep, every once in a while stopping to eat an apple he'd found on the ground.
 
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