Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

While the Velociraptor was having his blooming...er... person dinner, the tyrannosaurus decided to go catch a show by a visiting Tex-Mex band from El Paso. After arriving at the venue where the concert was to be held, he was pleased to find out that every member of the band was a Tyrannosaurus Mex. As he took his seat, he was even more pleased to see that, for today's performance, they were all wearing their Mariachi outfit.
 
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There was a special guest appearance by Pancho Velociraptor.

Captain Obvious decided he had better MAKE this joke obvious. "That's a sort of pun," he explained, "based on the historical bandit-revolutionary Pancho Villa, pronounced VEE-YA."
 
Actually, "took his seat" was just a figure of speech because the Tyrannosaurus, being so huge and all, needed at least 10 rows to feel comfortable. In fact, his butt was as big as Captain Obvious' aunt Roberta's, which was already the size of New Jersey.
 
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Right then, another thirteen-year-old self-appointed super-princess came riding up on her horse and shouted, "I don't care how big the Tyrannosaurus is; this roleplay is still about ME and my mysterious quest!"

"All right, Senorita," replied Pancho Velociraptor. "May I assist you in this quest?"

"NO!" the girl shouted. "No one but me understands what it's all about! The rest of you are just supposed to hold your breath in suspense, waiting for me to use my girl-power to solve everything!"
 
On the now forgotten Monologues thread, Pippin the Drummer Boy returned from his vacation to Florida to find out that the entire mule brigade and the commanders were not where he was supposed to meet them. "Whatever happen to them?" He said, looking around but finding no traces. After searching for a while, he decided to call his friend Aragorn, who was at Rivendale at this time:

Aragorn picking up the phone:

"What's up?"

"It's that how you answer the phone, dude?"

"Pippin? Pippin what's going on?"

"Not much, it's only that the mule brigade and both General Beauregard and Colonel Eugene are all gone. Do you have any idea where they've gone?"

"No Pippin, I have no idea. Listen, this is not a good time, I'm in a chess match with Magneto, and I'm beating the crud outta 'im. Can you call me later?"

"You're beating Magneto? How?"

"With a plastic set, duh! I'm not gonna use my gold chess set on this guy, I'm not stupid."

"Ok. Listen, If you find out anything about them, please call me."

"Sure thing, short stuff."

"Oh, and by the way, do you know if the role of Dorothy is still available in that new Oz movie?"

"Pippin, do you still want to play her? Give up already."

"No! I have the dress and the shoes already, so if it's still available I'd like to audition."

"Dude, I really have to go ok? Looks like this guy is trying to cheat while I'm on the phone."
 
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Gimli was enjoying the Tex Mex concert, when suddenly his beer began to affect him. In confirmation of this, he shouted, "Ah it's the dwarves who go swimming with little hairy Mexicans!- I mean women!"
 
When the concert was over, Gimli went outside and immediately began looking around to see if he could find some bearded ladies in the crowd. While doing this, he happened to hear what the 13 year old role player was saying to Pancho Velociraptor. Gimli, who had been in many a battle, some of which he had barely survived, knew how silly it was for the little girl to be saying those things, so he asked.

"Excuse me, mylady, but why do you think this is all about you?"

"Because I'm special! Special! I know I am because my mommy always tells me so! And to prove it, I have in my room a shelf full of 10th to 25th place trophies! Ha! In your face, beardo!"
 
The girl's mother hastened up on a bicycle and scolded Gimli: "Are you undermining my darling girl's self-esteem? Why do YOU, a mere MALE, think that you can offer any insights which matter in the least alongside the glory of girl power?"
 
Eowyn and Arwen who had been busy giggling about Aragorn and Faramir (who were also nearby chuckling about the two girls), suddenly walked up to the girl and her mother. Eowyn feircely stated, "What do you know about girl-power!? I ALMOST died fighting the Witch King of Angmar, wore armor and weilded a shield heavier than you!" She pointed at the thirteen year old girl. "And yet, I STILL defeated the Witch King! And if it hadn't been for a "mere male", I would have DIED that day."
Then Arwen chimed in before the girl or her mother could speak. "And how dare you speak so lowly of men!? My husband was willing to sacrifice everything for me!- and he still is!"

Through all this, Aragorn and Faramir watched their wives proudly.
"We have some good wives, aye Faramir?" Said Aragorn.
"Aye, that we do." Faramir replied.
 
Sir Tom the Dragon Knight said:
Eowyn and Arwen who had been busy giggling about Aragorn and Faramir (who were also nearby chuckling about the two girls), suddenly walked up to the girl and her mother. Eowyn feircely stated, "What do you know about girl-power!? I ALMOST died fighting the Witch King of Angmar, wore armor and weilded a shield heavier than you!" She pointed at the thirteen year old girl. "And yet, I STILL defeated the Witch King! And if it hadn't been for a "mere male", I would have DIED that day."
Then Arwen chimed in before the girl or her mother could speak. "And how dare you speak so lowly of men!? My husband was willing to sacrifice everything for me!-- and he still is!"

Through all this, Aragorn and Faramir watched their wives proudly.
"We have some good wives, aye Faramir?" Said Aragorn.
"Aye, that we do." Faramir replied.
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Meriadoc Brandybuck turned up alongside the thirteen-year-old would-be princess, remarking, "I was the male who made it possible for Eowyn to slay the Witch-King."
 
Legolas showed up and said somewhat randomly, "Contrary to what my long flowing blonde hair and thin shape might tell you, I am actually a man!"
Pippin was nearby and snickered to Merry, "A girly man."
 
"Humph!" remarked the thirteen-year-old, and kicked her horse into motion. An hour later, she rode her horse right INTO a department store, where she knocked down fifteen mannequins, and congratulated herself on a mighty victory in battle.
 
Meanwhile a 6 year old boy stood with his mom outside the store. A masked man ran up and pointed a gun at his mom saying, "Stand and deliver!" Because the bad guy was most concerned with if the mom would try to defend herself, he wasn't expecting the little boy to jerk a gun out of his mom's purse and promptly shoot him. The bandit survived, but he escaped with a little more lead in his rear-end than he had before, and not a penny more than what was already in his pocket.
Frodo and Sam had just seen what happened, and had mistook the little boy for a great hobbit hero who had saved a damsel in distress, so they cheered and handed the boy a mug of ale.
 
Gimli had enjoyed the Tex-Mex concert so much that it got into his head that he wanted to join the band. However, Gimli could not play any instrument, and his only experience in singing was to repeat a smattering of dwarf battle cries over and over. But the thing that really convinced him that he could never join the band was that the Mariachi outfits didn't come in his favorite color.
 
Meanwhile, the Johnny Depp version of Barnabas Collins met the Jonathan Frid version of the same character. After a short discussion, they realized that they were like apples and oranges; their stories really were quite different, and each fitted his own storyline.

"Just one thing," added the original Barnabas Collins. "I greatly _dislike_ you killing your version of Julia Hoffmann. My version of Julia is such a good-hearted lady, that I was pleased with series actress Lara Parker for writing a novel in which I'm _married_ to Julia."
 
Copperfox said:
Meanwhile, the Johnny Depp version of Barnabas Collins met the Jonathan Frid version of the same character. After a short discussion, they realized that they were like apples and oranges; their stories really were quite different, and each fitted his own storyline.

"Just one thing," added the original Barnabas Collins. "I greatly _dislike_ you killing your version of Julia Hoffmann. My version of Julia is such a good-hearted lady, that I was pleased with series actress Lara Parker for writing a novel in which I'm _married_ to Julia."
Click to expand...

The thirteen-year-old girl then rode up and started in on a feminist rant about the evils of a young woman being married.
 
Watching the dragon fly off, the original Barnabas Collins remarked, "If she hadn't left, I would have told her that the _original_ character of Julia Hoffman was already over forty when first introduced. I love Julia for the goodness _within_ her, not for her outward looks. "
 
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