How To Kill Fred the Box 2,892 times

591. Tell a med school student that he's a free cadaver and offer to leave him on their doorstep. Of course, they will eventually find out that he isn't; but by that time they will be irritated enough to tear him up anyway.
 
592. Cut him into strips and pound the strips in to papyrus.

593. Bury him in the deserts of Egypt so that scholars may come across him many centuries later and study him to death.

594. Feed him mod cookies with CW. I'm not sure it'd kill him, but it'd do something.

595. Get him to challenged the DLF to a duel.
 
Lossëndil said:
594. Feed him mod cookies with CW. I'm not sure it'd kill him, but it'd do something.
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Oh for goodness sake. How many times do I have to.... *DELUSIONAL!* *DELUSIONAL!* *DELUSIONAL!*

595. Feed him to the attorneys I work for. (He'll probably die of boredom. Booooredom. BoreDUMB. SO many ways for a box to die included in that word.)
 
597. Make it his life's mission to persuade Derny that she is a duffer and persuade LoL that she does not own the universe or the CW and inform Oly that his beard is indeed pink.
 
600. What a number. This needs must be a good one, methinks.

Have him deny it to her face. When he discovers his end...swiftly turn him right side out again.
 
605. Tell him that you can't think of any other ways to kill him, and watch him die of shock.
 
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