How To Kill Fred the Box 2,892 times

Well, seeing as if I told the story, Fred would no longer be waiting, then Glen's method wouldn't work... I better refrain.

458. Make him tackle Oly's beard.
 
Ooh, harsh.

459. Force him to wait for Lossy to finish her story. Hold him down when he squirms. Eventually he will squirm so hard that, in holding him down, you will accidentally smash him. Oops.
 
a cardboard box squirming? 0.o

And there's not much story. It's just that Lieke dislikes Shakespeare, and is always out there "destroying all evidence" of him. (see her location)

460. Tell him that many more duffers have joined our ranks, and the initiation rite (though we don't have one :rolleyes:) will be for them to devise ten different ways of killing Fred the box.
 
Lossëndil said:
a cardboard box squirming? 0.o

And there's not much story. It's just that Lieke dislikes Shakespeare, and is always out there "destroying all evidence" of him. (see her location)
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No kidding. What did he do, try to convince Macbeth she was an heir to the throne?

461. Tell Macbeth that Fred is Banquo in disguise.
 
I 'spose she just got tired of Oly's Shakespearian. It makes us feel awfully little when we can't match his flowering lines, and we really dislike feeling awfully small in his presence. We much prefer poking fun at him.

462. Have him tell Oly that his pink is beard.
 
Are you suggesting Oly's beard isn't pink? *innocent look*

463. Make Fred a guidance counsellor for college-bound penguins.
 
nononono! It's just that Oly gets thunderously angry when we try to point out the obvious.

464. Tell him that hb's locked in the mod-lounge and can't get out (thus his long absence). Fred will then attempt to break into the mod lounge, and either he fails, and is be-headed by the mod force, or he succeeds, and encounters the DLF.
 
Well, what he doesn't know, and will never know until he quits with the whole having-a-life thing, won't hurt him.

465. Have Fred attempt to paint purple spots on Oly's pink beard. This method of killing may take a long time, as Oly has neglected his beard for his textbooks lately.
 
I'm sure the beard can deal with Fred, it's got quite a mind of its own.

466. Have the Order of the Can find him with silverware!
 
Lossëndil said:
462. Have him tell Oly that his pink is beard.
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:mad: Have a care, Lossendil. Your doom is at the door... it is lifting the latch...

Glenburne said:
Are you suggesting Oly's beard isn't pink? *innocent look*
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Same goes for you.

Lossëndil said:
nononono! It's just that Oly gets thunderously angry when we try to point out the obvious.
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One more chance...

Glenburne said:
Well, what he doesn't know, and will never know until he quits with the whole having-a-life thing, won't hurt him.
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That's it. Glenburne, your doom is upon you! *turns Glenburne into a cabbage*

Glenburne said:
465. Have Fred attempt to paint purple spots on Oly's pink beard. This method of killing may take a long time, as Oly has neglected his beard for his textbooks lately.
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My beard is perfectly capable of taking care of itself. It's even had a few minor skirmishes with me over the years. I recall vividly the time that some fool gave it a pair of scissors, and I ended up losing my eyebrows.

The beard and I have an uneasy truce at the moment.
 
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You seems to have accomplished quite a bit today, lord oly: having written a nice, not-ridiculously-short, actually dufferish post.

But you forget to kill Fred. :(
 
So did you.

468. Turn him into a cabbage and invite a rabbit into the garden.
469. Make Fred get a life. That kills pretty much anybody, at least in their more useful capacities, such as whale-splatting.
 
If Fred hath proven able to write, then hath he arms?

472. Put him, with Jonah, into the whale. For, although Jonah of old didst sit in stomach acid to no ill effect, Fred wouldst surely perish.
 
474. Send the Penguins of Doom after him, for said penguins may quote unto him Emerson until he shalt perish: indeed, until he shalt explode for fury.
 
Dost thou say that I am insane? Thou dost not know what thou sayest, for thy mind wast destroyed in the previous age.

476. Require that he visit the Cyclops in The Odyssey, a cruel fate, indeed, unless thou knowest how to strap thyself to the belly of a sheep.
 
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