DestinyLies
Active member
Which entry was Joe leaving??? I don't remember? Haha yeah the how they met part is actually the first book I wrote when I was twelve. I'm glad you like it. I'll be posting more ASAP!
Just writing...
- Thread starter DestinyLies
- Start date
Red Roses
New member
He would be leaving for Iraq in (two?) weeks, with no promise of ever returning. And every day there would be a risk of him being injured or…the unthinkable, killed.
^ Your last post. I didn't really write stories when I was twelve, it's cool that you did. Although I do remember a time when I was twelve and we were writing poetry in class. My teacher got so mad at me because she thought I was plagiarizing and I wasn't. She said it was something that a twelve year couldn't write. I hated my teacher.
DestinyLies
Active member
Awwww poor thing. The last post...oh yeah! haha. I forgot I posted that. Well he does get injured, but that was before that post I think...he's not in the war, I don't think. He does get injured though.^ Your last post. I didn't really write stories when I was twelve, it's cool that you did. Although I do remember a time when I was twelve and we were writing poetry in class. My teacher got so mad at me because she thought I was plagiarizing and I wasn't. She said it was something that a twelve year couldn't write. I hated my teacher.
Red Roses
New member
He gets injured?
It's not serious though, right? I cry when I read stuff, when I watch movies and when I listen to songs. so he better not be too badly hurt or I might just cry.
DestinyLies
Active member
No it's not serious! I'll post it but it might be a while from now. Oh Don't cry!He gets injured?
I cry when I read stuff, when I watch movies and when I listen to songs. so he better not be too badly hurt or I might just cry.
Red Roses
New member
DestinyLies
Active member
How much of what??????? I have a whole wood written! as far as typed....not much.*sighs in relief*
Red Roses
New member
Of you Joe/Kath story.
I have this thing where I come up with the greatest idea for a story but I just never get time to write it down.
Are you going to add more of the Daniel Dream any time soon?
DestinyLies
Active member
Um, I don't know if I'll add any of the Daniel dream....I might.Of you Joe/Kath story.
I have this thing where I come up with the greatest idea for a story but I just never get time to write it down.
Are you going to add more of the Daniel Dream any time soon?
Several of my readers like it. I have A LOT of the Joe/Kandie story WRITTEN but not typed. I'm working on it. I have over 1000 pages of their stories. Probably. I haven't counted them lately.
Red Roses
New member
Um, I don't know if I'll add any of the Daniel dream....I might.
You should post more of the Daniel Dream!
Ohh, cool. Do you write your stories out first and then type them? Because I do that. It's easier for me to think that way, and find mistakes. I dunno why.
DestinyLies
Active member
Of course I do. I didn't get my lap top until this year and before now I had limited access to the computer. So I have LOADS of paper and notes and stuff. I'll post more of the Daniel Dream (DD) when I write more.
Red Roses
New member
Great! Can't wait to read more!
Well I gotta go. It's almost 11 here but I've got summer school in the morning. It's pure torture! I only took it so I could fast track but it's so not worth it. My class is filled with losers.
Well gotta go! G'night!
DestinyLies
Active member
Here's part of a story that started out as a small article/short story for American Girl magazine but is now over eighty pages long!!! Enjoy!!!
(Note: I have not edited this yet so there maybe bad grammar and spelling!!! )
Elizabeth wanted a horse since she was five but her parents wouldn’t get her one…
1999
“Sam, will you come to my birthday party?” Elizabeth Miller asked her best friend at school Monday.
“Of course, Liz,” Sam said.
Elizabeth passed out the invitations excepts one to Joe Baker the boy she liked, she walked over to him.” Joe, will you come to my party?” she asked him handing him the invitation.
“Sure, thanks,” the seventeen year-old boy said his brown eyes shinning taking the invitation.
The day of the party soon came; Elizabeth opened the door for Sam, and her brother Chris in the house.
“Happy Birthday, Liz!!” they said
“ Thanks. I’m glad yall could come,” Elizabeth said closing the door after them they took their coats and gloves off. “Go set the gift on that table over there,” Elizabeth told them pointing to a round table in the living room with a white tablecloth on it. Her mom got the door to let some of the other guests in. Soon everyone was in the living room, but Joe. Suddenly the doorbell rang. Elizabeth answered it.
“Happy Birthday!!” Joe said.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said closing the door after he came in.
Afer eating the cake and ice cream Elizabeth sat down next to the table covered with gifts.
“Thank you,” Elizabeth said as each gift was revealed.
When all the presents were opened Joe walked over to Elizabeth,” My present for you is outside,” Joe said,“well it’s from your parents I just did part of it,” he added.
They all went outside where Mr. Miller lead them to the barn and flicking on the light lead them to a stall over the door way a wooden sign said To our daughter, Elizabeth Kate.
Elizabeth opened the stall,”Oh!!” Elizabeth gasped for in the stall was a small Palomino horse, it nickered and nuzzled her arm. She smiled and turned to her parents,” She’s mine?” she asked.
“Yes, he’s yours, Elizabeth,” Mr. Miller replied. Elizabeth hugged her parents. Everyone went back inside.
Elizabeth walked up to Joe, “ Do you like your present?” he asked.
“Yes, very much,” Elizabeth replied, “thanks.”
“Mmmhmm,’ Joe said, they started walking.
“Why did you help get me the horse?” Elizabeth asked.
“I didn’t I did the sign, ok well I did but because you’re my friend,” Joe said.
“And?” Elizabeth said, she could tell by his eye that wasn’t all.
Joe looked down into her brown eyes the same as his,”I like you, “he said.
“You do?” Elizabeth asked.
“Yes, I have ever since I met you four years ago,” Joe admitted.
“I like you too, Joe,” Elizabeth said, they turned and he looked back to the barn.
“What are you gonna name your horse?” Joe asked.
“Ummm,” Elizabeth thought,” Cinnamon,” she said.
“That’s a good name,” Joe said.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said.
“ You’re welcome,” Joe said.
They laughed, they walked for a while in silence finally Joe said, “Cinnamon, can’t be ridden for a couple years. Umm… I have horses (as you know), ummm.”
“Yes, Joe?” Elizabeth asked.
“You could come over and ride I can give you lessons,” Joe said.
Elizabeth smiled at the tall boy,” I’d like that,” she said, they walked to the house.
“Do you want to come tomorrow afternoon?” Joe asked closing the door.
“Sure I’ll come after Sam leaves she has cheer practice,” Elizabeth replied.
“Okay,” Joe said.
“Well what did he say?” Sam asked later after everyone left later that night
“He said, he likes me,” Elizabeth replied smiling, “and he wants to give me riding lessons,” she added as they headed up the stairs.
“No way?” Sam said as they went into Elizabeth’s bedroom.
“Yes way,” Elizabeth laughed as she plopped down on her bed.
“You’re so lucky, Liz,” Sam said taking a seat on the floor.
“How?” Elizabeth asked flipping over onto her stomache.
“Your boyfriend’s the cutest boy in the whole state,” Sam said.
“Joe’s not my boyfriend,” Elizabeth said then added, “yet. He’s just my friend, Sam,” they laughed,” how’s your mom?”
“She’s a whole lot better,” Sam replied, her mom had gotten sick a few days before.
“I’ve been praying for her,” Elizabeth said.
“Thanks,” Sam said.
“Mmmhmm, I’m glad you could come, Sam,” Elizabeth bounced her feet up and down on the mattress.
“I am too,” Sam said her friends blue eyes sparkled.
Elizabeth got out of the car at the Bakers house the next afternoon she waved to her mom as she left. She saw Joe in the field and waved to him, he smiled, and waved back when he saw her. The beautiful black horse he was riding started to gallop. Joe dismounted when he got to her, ”Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” Elizabeth said shyly the boy’s brown eye’s sparlked as he looked down at her. They walked to the huge white barn.
A big dog came over to them it sniffed Elizabeth’s hand it barked.
“Jack hush,” Joe said.
“It’s fine,” Elizabeth rubbed the dogs' head.
“Have you ever ridden before?” Joe asked.
“Yes, at my Aunts she raises and breeds,” Elizabeth replied.
“So you can mount and all that?” Joe asked.
“Yes, but I’ve only ridden a few times,” the girl replied, Joe stopped his horse,” This is Midnight,” Joe said patting the horses neck.
The horse nudged Elizabeth she petted his nose,” How long have you been around horses?” she asked.
“Oh, I was raised with horses,” Joe said smiling at her showing straight white teeth.
“Oh, that’s not fair,” Elizabeth teased. She heard him laugh as he cleaned out his horses’ hooves. Joe’s brother Noah came in the barn, Joe tossed the hoof pick in the grooming bin.
” Hello, Noah,” Elizabeth smiled at the boy.
“Hello,” Noah greeted he got another horse out,” this is, Snowflake,” he hoked the white horses’ halter to the crossties. After Noah saddled and bridled the horse he took it out of the barn. After his brother left, Joe brought a chestnut colored horse out and put him in the crossties vacated by, Noah.
“This is, Jolly,” Joe said, he reached out his hand, she let him pull her close to him, he raised her hand putting it on the horses’ chestnut colored coat. She stood so close to him that he could smell her shampoo,” he gets a little scarred about new people coming into our barn,” Joe said. "Because he was abused before we got him."
“Oh,” Elizabeth said, though she was petting the horse but eye’s were fixed on Joe’s hand that held hers if she was facing him she would of known that he noticed that she was looking at their hands, she also would have seen him smile.
Joe dropped his hand, ”Come on, and we’ll tack him,” Joe said to her they groomed and saddled the horse they took him and Midnight out of the barn, and to the ring. They mounted and started walking. After they had ridden about an hour they went back to the barn.
They rinsed the horses’ off then took them to the pasture, and put them in,” Come on,” Joe said, she followed him out of the barn,” do you like it?” Joe asked.
“Oh! Yes I do,” Elizabeth said.
“Elizabeth?” Joe asked.
“Yes, Joe,” she looked up at him.
“Would you…” Joe ran his fingers through his brown hair,” like to stay for dinner?” Joe finished.
Elizabeth smiled,” I’d love to,” Elizabeth replied.
Joe’s brown eyes sparkled,” Great!” he said,” I’ll tell my mom to call yours, “he told her.
“All right,” Elizabeth said she smiled at him turning his heart around.
After dinner that night Joe took Elizabeth home. ” Elizabeth, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, Joe,” Elizabeth said.
“Ummm…. will you…” Joe sighed.
“Yes,” Elizabeth said.
Joe looked over at her, she smiled, and he knew she knew what he was trying to ask.
“Thanks for everything, Joe,” Elizabeth said as they w alked up the front porch steps of her white house.
“You’re welcome,” Joe said,” will you come home with me for supper tomorrow afternoon?” he asked.
“I’d like that,” Elizabeth said.
“Ok, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Joe said.
“Allright,” Elizabeth, she opened the front door,” goodnight,” she said.
“Goodnight,” Joe said.
Elizabeth looked back at him and smiled before slipping into the house. She leaned against the door,” thank you, Lord,” she prayed, she went up to her room, and got ready for bed.
“Liz, Sam’s on the phone,” her mom said.
“Ok,” Elizabeth said she picked up the phone in her bedroom, “hello,” she said.
“Hey,” Sam said,” well what happened?” she asked.
Elizabeth laughed,” Well, I stayed for dinner,” she said.
“You go girl,” she said,“ Ok, now he’s your boyfriend.”
Elizabeth laughed“ Not yet,” Elizabeth said,” he hasn’t asked me out yet,” she said,” I got to go, Sam,” she said.
“I do too,” Sam said.
“Allright bye,” Elizabeth said.
“Bye,” Sam said.
I'll edit it later!
What do you think!??
DestinyLies
Enjoy!!!(Note: I have not edited this yet so there maybe bad grammar and spelling!!! )
Elizabeth wanted a horse since she was five but her parents wouldn’t get her one…
1999
“Sam, will you come to my birthday party?” Elizabeth Miller asked her best friend at school Monday.
“Of course, Liz,” Sam said.
Elizabeth passed out the invitations excepts one to Joe Baker the boy she liked, she walked over to him.” Joe, will you come to my party?” she asked him handing him the invitation.
“Sure, thanks,” the seventeen year-old boy said his brown eyes shinning taking the invitation.
The day of the party soon came; Elizabeth opened the door for Sam, and her brother Chris in the house.
“Happy Birthday, Liz!!” they said
“ Thanks. I’m glad yall could come,” Elizabeth said closing the door after them they took their coats and gloves off. “Go set the gift on that table over there,” Elizabeth told them pointing to a round table in the living room with a white tablecloth on it. Her mom got the door to let some of the other guests in. Soon everyone was in the living room, but Joe. Suddenly the doorbell rang. Elizabeth answered it.
“Happy Birthday!!” Joe said.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said closing the door after he came in.
Afer eating the cake and ice cream Elizabeth sat down next to the table covered with gifts.
“Thank you,” Elizabeth said as each gift was revealed.
When all the presents were opened Joe walked over to Elizabeth,” My present for you is outside,” Joe said,“well it’s from your parents I just did part of it,” he added.
They all went outside where Mr. Miller lead them to the barn and flicking on the light lead them to a stall over the door way a wooden sign said To our daughter, Elizabeth Kate.
Elizabeth opened the stall,”Oh!!” Elizabeth gasped for in the stall was a small Palomino horse, it nickered and nuzzled her arm. She smiled and turned to her parents,” She’s mine?” she asked.
“Yes, he’s yours, Elizabeth,” Mr. Miller replied. Elizabeth hugged her parents. Everyone went back inside.
Elizabeth walked up to Joe, “ Do you like your present?” he asked.
“Yes, very much,” Elizabeth replied, “thanks.”
“Mmmhmm,’ Joe said, they started walking.
“Why did you help get me the horse?” Elizabeth asked.
“I didn’t I did the sign, ok well I did but because you’re my friend,” Joe said.
“And?” Elizabeth said, she could tell by his eye that wasn’t all.
Joe looked down into her brown eyes the same as his,”I like you, “he said.
“You do?” Elizabeth asked.
“Yes, I have ever since I met you four years ago,” Joe admitted.
“I like you too, Joe,” Elizabeth said, they turned and he looked back to the barn.
“What are you gonna name your horse?” Joe asked.
“Ummm,” Elizabeth thought,” Cinnamon,” she said.
“That’s a good name,” Joe said.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said.
“ You’re welcome,” Joe said.
They laughed, they walked for a while in silence finally Joe said, “Cinnamon, can’t be ridden for a couple years. Umm… I have horses (as you know), ummm.”
“Yes, Joe?” Elizabeth asked.
“You could come over and ride I can give you lessons,” Joe said.
Elizabeth smiled at the tall boy,” I’d like that,” she said, they walked to the house.
“Do you want to come tomorrow afternoon?” Joe asked closing the door.
“Sure I’ll come after Sam leaves she has cheer practice,” Elizabeth replied.
“Okay,” Joe said.
“Well what did he say?” Sam asked later after everyone left later that night
“He said, he likes me,” Elizabeth replied smiling, “and he wants to give me riding lessons,” she added as they headed up the stairs.
“No way?” Sam said as they went into Elizabeth’s bedroom.
“Yes way,” Elizabeth laughed as she plopped down on her bed.
“You’re so lucky, Liz,” Sam said taking a seat on the floor.
“How?” Elizabeth asked flipping over onto her stomache.
“Your boyfriend’s the cutest boy in the whole state,” Sam said.
“Joe’s not my boyfriend,” Elizabeth said then added, “yet. He’s just my friend, Sam,” they laughed,” how’s your mom?”
“She’s a whole lot better,” Sam replied, her mom had gotten sick a few days before.
“I’ve been praying for her,” Elizabeth said.
“Thanks,” Sam said.
“Mmmhmm, I’m glad you could come, Sam,” Elizabeth bounced her feet up and down on the mattress.
“I am too,” Sam said her friends blue eyes sparkled.
Elizabeth got out of the car at the Bakers house the next afternoon she waved to her mom as she left. She saw Joe in the field and waved to him, he smiled, and waved back when he saw her. The beautiful black horse he was riding started to gallop. Joe dismounted when he got to her, ”Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” Elizabeth said shyly the boy’s brown eye’s sparlked as he looked down at her. They walked to the huge white barn.
A big dog came over to them it sniffed Elizabeth’s hand it barked.
“Jack hush,” Joe said.
“It’s fine,” Elizabeth rubbed the dogs' head.
“Have you ever ridden before?” Joe asked.
“Yes, at my Aunts she raises and breeds,” Elizabeth replied.
“So you can mount and all that?” Joe asked.
“Yes, but I’ve only ridden a few times,” the girl replied, Joe stopped his horse,” This is Midnight,” Joe said patting the horses neck.
The horse nudged Elizabeth she petted his nose,” How long have you been around horses?” she asked.
“Oh, I was raised with horses,” Joe said smiling at her showing straight white teeth.
“Oh, that’s not fair,” Elizabeth teased. She heard him laugh as he cleaned out his horses’ hooves. Joe’s brother Noah came in the barn, Joe tossed the hoof pick in the grooming bin.
” Hello, Noah,” Elizabeth smiled at the boy.
“Hello,” Noah greeted he got another horse out,” this is, Snowflake,” he hoked the white horses’ halter to the crossties. After Noah saddled and bridled the horse he took it out of the barn. After his brother left, Joe brought a chestnut colored horse out and put him in the crossties vacated by, Noah.
“This is, Jolly,” Joe said, he reached out his hand, she let him pull her close to him, he raised her hand putting it on the horses’ chestnut colored coat. She stood so close to him that he could smell her shampoo,” he gets a little scarred about new people coming into our barn,” Joe said. "Because he was abused before we got him."
“Oh,” Elizabeth said, though she was petting the horse but eye’s were fixed on Joe’s hand that held hers if she was facing him she would of known that he noticed that she was looking at their hands, she also would have seen him smile.
Joe dropped his hand, ”Come on, and we’ll tack him,” Joe said to her they groomed and saddled the horse they took him and Midnight out of the barn, and to the ring. They mounted and started walking. After they had ridden about an hour they went back to the barn.
They rinsed the horses’ off then took them to the pasture, and put them in,” Come on,” Joe said, she followed him out of the barn,” do you like it?” Joe asked.
“Oh! Yes I do,” Elizabeth said.
“Elizabeth?” Joe asked.
“Yes, Joe,” she looked up at him.
“Would you…” Joe ran his fingers through his brown hair,” like to stay for dinner?” Joe finished.
Elizabeth smiled,” I’d love to,” Elizabeth replied.
Joe’s brown eyes sparkled,” Great!” he said,” I’ll tell my mom to call yours, “he told her.
“All right,” Elizabeth said she smiled at him turning his heart around.
After dinner that night Joe took Elizabeth home. ” Elizabeth, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, Joe,” Elizabeth said.
“Ummm…. will you…” Joe sighed.
“Yes,” Elizabeth said.
Joe looked over at her, she smiled, and he knew she knew what he was trying to ask.
“Thanks for everything, Joe,” Elizabeth said as they w alked up the front porch steps of her white house.
“You’re welcome,” Joe said,” will you come home with me for supper tomorrow afternoon?” he asked.
“I’d like that,” Elizabeth said.
“Ok, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Joe said.
“Allright,” Elizabeth, she opened the front door,” goodnight,” she said.
“Goodnight,” Joe said.
Elizabeth looked back at him and smiled before slipping into the house. She leaned against the door,” thank you, Lord,” she prayed, she went up to her room, and got ready for bed.
“Liz, Sam’s on the phone,” her mom said.
“Ok,” Elizabeth said she picked up the phone in her bedroom, “hello,” she said.
“Hey,” Sam said,” well what happened?” she asked.
Elizabeth laughed,” Well, I stayed for dinner,” she said.
“You go girl,” she said,“ Ok, now he’s your boyfriend.”
Elizabeth laughed“ Not yet,” Elizabeth said,” he hasn’t asked me out yet,” she said,” I got to go, Sam,” she said.
“I do too,” Sam said.
“Allright bye,” Elizabeth said.
“Bye,” Sam said.
I'll edit it later!
What do you think!??
DestinyLies
Last edited:
DestinyLies
Active member
The ending of the below post!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey,” Joe said, the one Sunday morning in teen Church at Woodland
Baptist Church.
“Hey,” Elizabeth said, she slipped into the pew beside him.
“Are you going to come with me after school tomorrow?” Joe asked.
“Yes, I am,” Elizabeth replied. Sam slid in beside her as Miss.Joy the short pianist started playing the piano at the far right at the front of the room. They stood up for singing then.
“Ok, let’s stand for the last song As the Deer,” Mr. Holley said.
After the song Bro.Wes Bowman the Youth Pastor preached.
After the preaching Elizabeth walked out of the teen Church with Joe, and Sam.
“Liz,” Jan Revis called.
“Hold on,” Elizabeth told her friends. She walked over to the girl.
“What do you think you’re doing,” Jan snapped at her.
“ Walking with Joe, and Sam,” Elizabeth replied.
“You shouldn’t,” Jan retorted.
“Why?” Elizabeth asked.
“Stay away from, Joe or else,” Jan said, she turned and walked off, Laura Smith at her heels.
Elizabeth joined her friends.
Joe, and Elizabeth started towards his car after saying bye to,Sam.
Elizabeth sat in the front seat beside of the boy,” What did Jan want?” Joe asked.
“Ummm…” Elizabeth said.
“Was it about me? “Joe asked.
Elizabeth nodded.
“Don’t worry she’s just trying scare you,” Joe said. Elizabeth smiled weakly at him, he pulled out of the Church parking lot. He soon pulled up in front of his house, he stopped the car and cut the engine off. They got out, and went inside.
They walked in one of the Bakers empty fields after dinner Jack walked beside Joe, ”You don’t need be scarred of Jan, Elizabeth,” Joe told her.” I know her, she take’s lessons from my mom,” he said. She liked for him to call her Elizabeth.
” Thanks,” Elizabeth said after a minute,” Joe, have you had any girlfriends?” she asked.
Joe, looked down at her,” No,” he replied,” because I’m only interested in you,” he told her.
She smiled,” But what about before you moved here?” Elizabeth asked,” I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s all right, and no, I didn’t,” Joe replied he reached over
and pulled a strand of brown hair that had escaped from her ponytail.
She looked up at him as she reached up and pulled her hair out of his fingers. Joe reached for her hand that held the strand of her brown hair.
“Elizabeth, I…” Joe said.
“Yes, Joe?” Elizabeth said.
” The reason..” he was cut off by his brother yelling for him, he turned and ran towards his brother, Elizabeth followed she caught up a glance of something blond in the woods.
“Midnight’s hurt,” Noah said.
They ran to the barn Midnight neighed, Joe opened the stall, Midnights leg was bleeding,” Noah, get the salve,” Joe told his brother, he turned to Elizabeth,” can you hold her while I put the salve on her leg?” Joe asked.
Elizabeth nodded, she wrapped her arms around the horses neck, and held onto the lead rope,” How did she hurt her leg?”she asked.
“She must have hit something in here,” Joe replied. He stood up,” ah,” he said he bent down and picked something up off the stalls floor, he held it up for her to see,” this is what she his,” he held a piece of hard plastic.
“That wasn’t here when you fed her was it?” Elizabeth asked.
“No, it wasn’t,” Joe replied, he looked at her,” Jan,” he said,“she lives up the road,” he told her as they stepped out of the stall Joe closed the door and latched it.
“But, why sold she do that..?” Elizabeth asked,” Joe, I think I saw her down in the woods before we came up here, she said.
DestinyLies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey,” Joe said, the one Sunday morning in teen Church at Woodland
Baptist Church.
“Hey,” Elizabeth said, she slipped into the pew beside him.
“Are you going to come with me after school tomorrow?” Joe asked.
“Yes, I am,” Elizabeth replied. Sam slid in beside her as Miss.Joy the short pianist started playing the piano at the far right at the front of the room. They stood up for singing then.
“Ok, let’s stand for the last song As the Deer,” Mr. Holley said.
After the song Bro.Wes Bowman the Youth Pastor preached.
After the preaching Elizabeth walked out of the teen Church with Joe, and Sam.
“Liz,” Jan Revis called.
“Hold on,” Elizabeth told her friends. She walked over to the girl.
“What do you think you’re doing,” Jan snapped at her.
“ Walking with Joe, and Sam,” Elizabeth replied.
“You shouldn’t,” Jan retorted.
“Why?” Elizabeth asked.
“Stay away from, Joe or else,” Jan said, she turned and walked off, Laura Smith at her heels.
Elizabeth joined her friends.
Joe, and Elizabeth started towards his car after saying bye to,Sam.
Elizabeth sat in the front seat beside of the boy,” What did Jan want?” Joe asked.
“Ummm…” Elizabeth said.
“Was it about me? “Joe asked.
Elizabeth nodded.
“Don’t worry she’s just trying scare you,” Joe said. Elizabeth smiled weakly at him, he pulled out of the Church parking lot. He soon pulled up in front of his house, he stopped the car and cut the engine off. They got out, and went inside.
They walked in one of the Bakers empty fields after dinner Jack walked beside Joe, ”You don’t need be scarred of Jan, Elizabeth,” Joe told her.” I know her, she take’s lessons from my mom,” he said. She liked for him to call her Elizabeth.
” Thanks,” Elizabeth said after a minute,” Joe, have you had any girlfriends?” she asked.
Joe, looked down at her,” No,” he replied,” because I’m only interested in you,” he told her.
She smiled,” But what about before you moved here?” Elizabeth asked,” I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s all right, and no, I didn’t,” Joe replied he reached over
and pulled a strand of brown hair that had escaped from her ponytail.
She looked up at him as she reached up and pulled her hair out of his fingers. Joe reached for her hand that held the strand of her brown hair.
“Elizabeth, I…” Joe said.
“Yes, Joe?” Elizabeth said.
” The reason..” he was cut off by his brother yelling for him, he turned and ran towards his brother, Elizabeth followed she caught up a glance of something blond in the woods.
“Midnight’s hurt,” Noah said.
They ran to the barn Midnight neighed, Joe opened the stall, Midnights leg was bleeding,” Noah, get the salve,” Joe told his brother, he turned to Elizabeth,” can you hold her while I put the salve on her leg?” Joe asked.
Elizabeth nodded, she wrapped her arms around the horses neck, and held onto the lead rope,” How did she hurt her leg?”she asked.
“She must have hit something in here,” Joe replied. He stood up,” ah,” he said he bent down and picked something up off the stalls floor, he held it up for her to see,” this is what she his,” he held a piece of hard plastic.
“That wasn’t here when you fed her was it?” Elizabeth asked.
“No, it wasn’t,” Joe replied, he looked at her,” Jan,” he said,“she lives up the road,” he told her as they stepped out of the stall Joe closed the door and latched it.
“But, why sold she do that..?” Elizabeth asked,” Joe, I think I saw her down in the woods before we came up here, she said.
DestinyLies
Last edited:
DestinyLies
Active member
Poem (rough draft)
Here is a poem I just "Jotted Down" about my unborn godchild:
It's a rough draft so I know it's bad. I'll probably write another one.
DestinyLies
Here is a poem I just "Jotted Down" about my unborn godchild:
Only two weeks ago we were talking late at night,
Telling each other of our lives.
And now we are miles apart
But still talking just as late.
When you told me the news
That you were expecting,
My heart went out to you
Because I knew you needed me.
It’s only been a week
Since you told me,
And you don’t know if he’ll live.
I want to cry for you both
And for me.
The good part is:
If we do loose him
We will see him one day
Up in Heaven.
So no matter what happens
I will always be his godmother.
Alexander James.
Telling each other of our lives.
And now we are miles apart
But still talking just as late.
When you told me the news
That you were expecting,
My heart went out to you
Because I knew you needed me.
It’s only been a week
Since you told me,
And you don’t know if he’ll live.
I want to cry for you both
And for me.
The good part is:
If we do loose him
We will see him one day
Up in Heaven.
So no matter what happens
I will always be his godmother.
Alexander James.
It's a rough draft so I know it's bad. I'll probably write another one.
DestinyLies
Truman
Banned
~The Joseph/Katherine Update: Cons first, I still think the reason for running away is a bit... juvenile? But then, Kandie is a little juvenile, and her running away wasn't too serious because she was found the same night she left home. Also, I was a little shocked when I read how calm Kandie's mother was being about the whole thing. If she was a good mother to her children (which she was), she would be more than just inquisitive about Kandie's problems. But that's just me.
Pros next, although I thought Kandie's mother was a little light about the whole situation, she nevertheless opened doors to her staying at Janise's with that nice attitude of hers. I'm wondering what exactly Janise and Kandie's mother (what's her name again?) were discussing... My first guess was her staying for longer than normal... Maybe something else? Gonna be very exciting to find out!
I thought the whole exchange between Janise and Joe about his feelings for Kandie was... not revealing... But I can't remember whether the "What do you want for Christmas" scene was chapter 1 or 2! If chapter 2 then good, we have a revelation from Joe in chapter 1. If chapter 1, then the Joe/Janise conversation can't be used as a pointer to Joe's feelings... But I think it could be used as a pointer to the audience to let them know that Janise is well aware of Joe's feelings for Kandie. That, IMO, is a pretty good incorporation right there into the exchange. It's something a mother would certainly ask. The timing was perfect in regard to the subject.
---
As far as the "Leaving for Iraq" scene... The con first, I thought the "even if I die" line was a bit edgy... maybe even over the top. I can't imagine Joe going that far and spitting out the reality of it all. Other than that, nothing else.
Pros next, a fantastic good-bye overall that even the "if I die" line didn't hinder. The girls talking to each other cheered me up as a reader, but the anguish underlining the circumstances was still present, and you converged the two opposites together quite cleverly.
Just wanted to point out about the Joe/Kandie stories overall, I find the use of their full names in important cases by someone to be a bit unrealistic. Whenever I read "Joseph Guyer!" or his fuller name (does he have a fuller name?) or vice versa for Kandie I think, "Who does that anymore?" I don't know if it's something you were accustomed to, or whether or not it's what seems natural to you... To me (meaning everyone else is probably fine with it), it just makes me think, "How silly is that?" Not only with your stories, but with anyone else's, even in movies I cringe whenever I hear something like that. Just my opinion, though. You can still do it if you want!
~The Elizabeth Miller Article: Ok, get ready for a mostly-negative review...
Apart from it being some of the worst writing I've ever read (sorry!!!), the plot was pretty good, and the characters were well-described and defined as people. You wrote the lines for the girls best... Other than that, though I know you were younger when you wrote this, and I know you understand you have mistakes in it, but good grammar is one of the vital keys to getting a reader interested... The way you put your sentences together was... (please don't be offended), atrocious. Here are some of the worst examples I found:
Good thing you write MUCH much better nowdays!
Pros next, although I thought Kandie's mother was a little light about the whole situation, she nevertheless opened doors to her staying at Janise's with that nice attitude of hers. I'm wondering what exactly Janise and Kandie's mother (what's her name again?) were discussing... My first guess was her staying for longer than normal... Maybe something else? Gonna be very exciting to find out!
I thought the whole exchange between Janise and Joe about his feelings for Kandie was... not revealing... But I can't remember whether the "What do you want for Christmas" scene was chapter 1 or 2! If chapter 2 then good, we have a revelation from Joe in chapter 1. If chapter 1, then the Joe/Janise conversation can't be used as a pointer to Joe's feelings... But I think it could be used as a pointer to the audience to let them know that Janise is well aware of Joe's feelings for Kandie. That, IMO, is a pretty good incorporation right there into the exchange. It's something a mother would certainly ask. The timing was perfect in regard to the subject.
---
As far as the "Leaving for Iraq" scene... The con first, I thought the "even if I die" line was a bit edgy... maybe even over the top. I can't imagine Joe going that far and spitting out the reality of it all. Other than that, nothing else.
Pros next, a fantastic good-bye overall that even the "if I die" line didn't hinder. The girls talking to each other cheered me up as a reader, but the anguish underlining the circumstances was still present, and you converged the two opposites together quite cleverly.
Just wanted to point out about the Joe/Kandie stories overall, I find the use of their full names in important cases by someone to be a bit unrealistic. Whenever I read "Joseph Guyer!" or his fuller name (does he have a fuller name?) or vice versa for Kandie I think, "Who does that anymore?" I don't know if it's something you were accustomed to, or whether or not it's what seems natural to you... To me (meaning everyone else is probably fine with it
), it just makes me think, "How silly is that?" Not only with your stories, but with anyone else's, even in movies I cringe whenever I hear something like that. Just my opinion, though. You can still do it if you want!~The Elizabeth Miller Article: Ok, get ready for a mostly-negative review...
Apart from it being some of the worst writing I've ever read (sorry!!!
), the plot was pretty good, and the characters were well-described and defined as people. You wrote the lines for the girls best... Other than that, though I know you were younger when you wrote this, and I know you understand you have mistakes in it, but good grammar is one of the vital keys to getting a reader interested... The way you put your sentences together was... (please don't be offended), atrocious. Here are some of the worst examples I found:Very sorry to give you this bad news!! It's just what I thought.
Good thing you write MUCH much better nowdays!
DestinyLies
Active member
Haha yeah I thought i had gotten all of those, I actually was editing it as you were reviewing. the s-aid things where there is a - inbetween was where I put a word half on one line and the other half on the next (they sometimes do it in books). Yeah I know it's bad. I'm editing it. I thought it was HORRIBLE when i read over it. Thanks for the help. Yeah normally the only time I use their full names is when they are calling for them or...."Scolding" I guess. Kandie's mother's name is Sarah, and I agree that it was a little, odd, how she understood. Again I'm adding more detail to those scenes.~The Joseph/Katherine Update: Cons first, I still think the reason for running away is a bit... juvenile? But then, Kandie is a little juvenile, and her running away wasn't too serious because she was found the same night she left home. Also, I was a little shocked when I read how calm Kandie's mother was being about the whole thing. If she was a good mother to her children (which she was), she would be more than just inquisitive about Kandie's problems. But that's just me.
Pros next, although I thought Kandie's mother was a little light about the whole situation, she nevertheless opened doors to her staying at Janise's with that nice attitude of hers. I'm wondering what exactly Janise and Kandie's mother (what's her name again?) were discussing... My first guess was her staying for longer than normal... Maybe something else? Gonna be very exciting to find out!
I thought the whole exchange between Janise and Joe about his feelings for Kandie was... not revealing... But I can't remember whether the "What do you want for Christmas" scene was chapter 1 or 2! If chapter 2 then good, we have a revelation from Joe in chapter 1. If chapter 1, then the Joe/Janise conversation can't be used as a pointer to Joe's feelings... But I think it could be used as a pointer to the audience to let them know that Janise is well aware of Joe's feelings for Kandie. That, IMO, is a pretty good incorporation right there into the exchange. It's something a mother would certainly ask. The timing was perfect in regard to the subject.
---
As far as the "Leaving for Iraq" scene... The con first, I thought the "even if I die" line was a bit edgy... maybe even over the top. I can't imagine Joe going that far and spitting out the reality of it all. Other than that, nothing else.
Pros next, a fantastic good-bye overall that even the "if I die" line didn't hinder. The girls talking to each other cheered me up as a reader, but the anguish underlining the circumstances was still present, and you converged the two opposites together quite cleverly.
Just wanted to point out about the Joe/Kandie stories overall, I find the use of their full names in important cases by someone to be a bit unrealistic. Whenever I read "Joseph Guyer!" or his fuller name (does he have a fuller name?) or vice versa for Kandie I think, "Who does that anymore?" I don't know if it's something you were accustomed to, or whether or not it's what seems natural to you... To me (meaning everyone else is probably fine with it
~The Elizabeth Miller Article: Ok, get ready for a mostly-negative review...
Apart from it being some of the worst writing I've ever read (sorry!!!
Very sorry to give you this bad news!! It's just what I thought.
Good thing you write MUCH much better nowdays!
In the "Leaving for Iraq" scene, the whole "even if I die" line was.....I don't know, just how I wrote it at the time, I guess Kandie (Whose name is Katherine Elizabeth Bryson -Guyer) but Joe RARELY calls her by it. He'll call her Kath, Kandie, or Katherine (a few times Katherine Elizabeth) when he's trying to make a point or make her do something (like eat, or something).
What did you think of the poem? And have you read what I wrote on my blog (that one has the same grammar/spelling/ s-aid errors I believe. SORRY!)
Thanks *hugs*
Destiny
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DestinyLies
Active member
Oh my goodness!! I'm reading over the Elizabeth Miller one and UGH! I hate it...I think I'm going to take it down, edit it, and put it back up. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to burn it!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to burn it!
Truman
Banned
Don't beat yourself up too much! If you read my first screenplay you'd cringe so hard you'd die... Such a terrible thing I created... it attacks me mentally whenever I think about it. As far as the sa- id, etc. true, the dash separates words so the rest is continued in the next line, but it only separates words with two or more syllables, like "swim- ming" or "be- cause." And when I saw stuff like "Sa- id" I laughed so hard!! You know I mean well, though. Oh yes, the poem! I thought it was sweet. Really sweet.
You know, it reminds me of the situation with Janise and her expected child. Same kind of circumstances, too!Your blog... I'm headed there now!
DestinyLies
Active member
Wow I just noticed you posted this like...now at 8:24!.....haha yeah I know, again when i typed this I was young and.....yeah. Thanks for the help!!
Oh yes, the poem! I thought it was sweet. Really sweet. You know, it reminds me of the situation with Janise and her expected child. Same kind of circumstances, too!
Your blog... I'm headed there now!
Here's more of chapter 2.....the "What do you want for Christmas" was in chapter 1...the scene with Joe and Janise was the BEGINNING of chapter 2Why does the poem remind you of Janise and her child? I guess i can see it....you laughed oh .....hope you like this: ~Kandie~
I walked back to the Guyers’ house with my mother. We saw Joe and Mrs. Guyer sitting on the porch so we joined them.“Hey.” Joe smiled at me.
“Hi.” I returned the smile. “Can we go un-saddle the horses?” I asked.
Joe nodded. “Sure.” He stood and we headed towards the barn. “What’d you say?” He
asked once we were out of hearing distance of our mothers.
“I told her what I felt, and what I told you.” I replied. “What did your mom tell you?”
I hooked the ropes to Snows’ bridle.
“That she asked if you could spend one more night here, and if she and your mom could talk about something later.” Joe said clipping the other ropes to Lightnings’ bridle. “She didn’t tell me anything else though.” He un-cinched (SP?) the girth on Lightnings’ saddle and let it drop and swing to the other side, then grasped the saddle and saddle pad and lifted them off of the horses back. “Need help?” He asked as I was doing the same to Snow.
“No.” I shook my head. “I’ve got it. Thank you though.” I smiled at him before pulling Snows’ saddle off.
After rubbing the horses down we let them out into the pasture. “I’m glad I get to stay one more night.” I said. “I missed hanging out with you and Jane.” I leaned against the wall of the barn.
“You haven’t really done anything with Jane yet.” Joe said with a chuckle. He shoved one hand into his pockets and leaned his tall frame against the door frame of the barn. “But I know she is glad to have someone to socialize with other than Jonah and me.” He pushed back his bangs with his free hand.
“I would be glad to have someone to talk to if I had two brothers.” I teased him. “And only two brothers.” I added as he opened his mouth to say something.
“How’d you know I was going to say that?” Joe stepped over to me. “That you do have two brothers?” He finished.
I shrugged. “ I am telepathic.” I laughed. “I don’t know. I guessed.”
“That’s weird.” Joe quickly added. “Not that you’re weird.” He sighed. “Come on before you get cold again.” He jerked his head in the direction of the house.
I smiled. “All right.” I pushed away from the barn and walked beside of him.
“My family, my dad’s side, should be arriving for Thanksgiving soon.” Joe remarked as we neared the house.
“Oh, did my mother say anything about me going home for Thanksgiving?” I asked him suddenly worried. I knew I should be with my family on a holiday, especially Thanksgiving. I wanted to be with my family.
“I don’t know.” Joe shook his head. “I’ll ask her though.” He reached for the door knob, opened the front door, let me go in, before stepping inside the house.
“Will you come with me?” I asked him as he turned to close the door. “We can go there for lunch and then come back here for dinner. If you want to.” I seemed shy under his kind gaze.
“That is fine with me.” Joe smiled down at me. “I’ll ask.” He looked over my head. “Jane, where’s mama?” He asked his sister who was behind me.
“In the living room.” Jane pointed towards the room.
“Thanks.” Joe nodded towards the room. “Come on.” He waited for me to turn around before walking into the living room. “Mama, did Mrs. Bryson say anything about Kandie going home for Thanksgiving tomorrow?” Joe asked Janise as he sat down on the couch across from his mom.
“Yes, she did. Sarah will be here tomorrow morning to pick Kandie up.” Janise nodded.
“Is it OK if Joe goes with me, Mrs. Guyer?” I asked sitting beside of Joe. “We’ll come back here for dinner.”
“That is fine with me, Kandie.” Janise smiled at us. “Your mother will be here at eleven O’clock.” She rested a hand on her lap and pushed back her dark brown hair with the other.
“Are you OK, Mama?” Joe asked worriedly.
“I’m fine, Joe.” Mrs. Guyer assured him. She stood. “I’m going to go see if Esther Jean is done fixing lunch.” She told us and left the room.
“I don’t think she’s OK.” Joe told me once his mom was out of the room.
“What do you think is wrong?” I asked him.
“Nothing serious.” Joe shrugged. “She seems very tired.” He picked up the TV remote and turned the device on. “She’d tell us if something was seriously wrong.” He looked down at me and must have recognized the look on my face. “Don’t worry.”
“I’ll try not to.” I promised. “So how many family members are coming?” I asked.
“A lot.” Joe sighed. “It’s only my dad’s parents and his brothers’ family, all seven of them.” He said. “And probably some other relatives.”
“Oh.” I pulled my legs up onto the couch and wrapped my arms around them. “When do you think they’ll arrive?” I asked.
Joe shrugged. “After lunch probably.” He started to flip through the channels on the TV. “That’s when they normally do but we never know.” He added.
“Do you think they’ll like me?” I looked at my jean clad knees and brushed a speck of dirt off of my right one.
Joe chuckled. “I don’t really care if they do or not but I am sure they will. Some of them know you already.” He looked down at me. “My grandparents do.” He smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I’ll try not to.” I promised him smiling.
“Good.” Joe playfully shoved my shoulder. “Because they’d have to be crazy not to like you.” He jerked on my sleeve. “So don’t worry at all.”
“Okay!” I giggled as he poked me in the side.
DestinyLies
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