My First Fan-Fic

About an hour later, it was dark out. Mrs. Beaver, who had noticed tha Emily still had not come back into the camp, went down to the river. She was humming softly to herself and wondering why Emily still hadn't come. When she reached the bank, Mrs. Beaver called out, "Emily? Emily are you still out here?"
No answer.
"Emily?"
Still no answer.
Mrs. Beaver walked up stream a little ways, calling Emily's name. Still, there was no answer. Finally, assuming that she had somehow missed Emily coming back into the camp, Mrs. Beaver returned quickly.
 
Now I am caught up.

You said along the way that you intend to start another story when this one's finished. There is a saying that if we don't keep advancing forward, we will sink back. This story needs to be only a warmup for what you should be doing: writing a story in which the MAJORITY of the characters, and ALL of the major events, are ENTIRELY of your creation.

The way you depicted Emily struggling with God's will in her bereavements proves that you CAN write characters with depth. So give them THEIR OWN space to operate in--instead of crowding the pre-existing characters. I have to tell you that I don't care for Emily being regarded as MORE of a threat to Jadis than the Pevensies are. When you next write, stake out a new territory, where established characters of Mr. Lewis don't have to be shrunk down for your new characters to be able to shine in their own right.
 
Papa Joe,
The next story that I am going to be writting will be mostly my own, but I still consider it some sort of fan fiction because it incorporates several other of Lewis' characters and the magic rings. But other than that, it is my own story.
~Alice
P.S. Thanks for taking the time to read my fan-fic, and for taking the time to give me some tips. I really appreciate it!
 
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When Mrs. Beaver returned to camp, Lucy and Susan were already asleep, or that was what everyone thought. Peter was already asleep, and Edmund was dozing. He had become a rather light sleeper after everything that had happened. So, when Mrs. Beaver acidentally tripped out side of the tent, Edmund was wakened and sat straight up in the hammock he had been sleeping in. The hammock then proceeded to flip over and put him flat on his face on the ground, as hammocks will do if you make any sudden moves in them. Fortunately for Edmund, he remembered to put out his hands quickly to break his fall. After getting up and dusting himself off, he went outside to see Mrs. Beaver.
"Mrs. Beaver?" He asked.
"Yes,?" Mrs. Beaver replied. "I'm sorry if I woke you."
"No, that's alright," Edmund said. "Did you find her?"
Mrs. Beaver shook her head. "I think she must have already come back to the camp."
Edmund shook his head. "She isn't in the camp, Mrs. Beaver," he said. "Although why she would still be out there, I have no idea."
 
*sigh* Before I am overrun by an angry mob telling me to write more, I am updating now...... :D

..........
Lucy heard a soft noise outside of her tent, as if someone was passing. She sat up quietly and listened. Susan rolled over and looked at her.
"You can't sleep either, Lucy?" Susan asked in a whisper.
Lucy shook her head. "I have a feeling that something dreadful is about to happen."
"To Aslan?" Susan asked.
Lucy nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "You saw how sad he's been looking; and I've felt now for hours that there's been something hanging over him, something terrible."
Susan sat up too, now. "Was that Aslan passing the tent?" she asked softly.
"I think so," Lucy whispered back. "Come on, let's follow him. I must know what's happening!"
 
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