Roleplay By Monologues

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Meanwhile, our hero Emmett Frankl, the Jewish Christian Western gunslinger and restaurant owner, was caught in a time-freeze without Doctor Who to help him out of it. He had just been asking his fiancee Queenie if she wanted to continue her modelling and entertaining career after she married him. But some bizarre secret experiment originating in the Netherlands, involving trying to make it be the same time at the same time in different time zones, had suspended the giving of Queenie's answer.

Emmett, being raised to know Scripture, understood that men and women are not ONLY different in their bodily organs. He knew what Ephesians chapter 5 said about a husband being "the head of the wife," and he knew that this WAS NOT cancelled by the earlier verse about all-purpose, undifferentiated "submitting to one another"--to which feminists often appealed to argue that they should be allowed to call all the shots and call this "equality." For the earlier verse was written in the social context of whole congregations, NOT precluding within the congregation the more localized relationship of husband and wife as head and heart.

Emmett's own father had lived the Christlike love the same Bible chapter also demanded from husbands. Emmett's mother, in 23 years of marriage to the elder Mr. Frankl before they passed away, had never once had cause to feel that she was enslaved, harassed, oppressed, demeaned, imprisoned, exploited, persecuted, abused or dehumanized by having a Bible-following husband. Mrs. Frankl, in fact, had gotten her own way in almost every matter she had a preference about--because her husband's leadership was not something exercised to gratify his own selfishness. Only a very few times had Mr. Frankl ever put his foot down; but when he did, Mrs. Frankl had never seen this as the time to kick him in the shin, for she knew he was leading for the best interests of his family.

Emmett now had at last the chance to try to be as good a husband as his father had been. He intended to be a leader who led for the benefit, not the repression, of his mate. And he intended to give Queenie her way automatically in every area where he had no substantial cause to oppose her wishes. Perhaps they could get through a lifetime together without his ever needing to say, "No, darling, THIS is the way it HAS to be." But if he ever had to say those words, he intended to stand by them--though those words would not be arrived at without prior discussion, unless it were perhaps in a sudden life-or-death emergency. The fact that he intended to value her life above his own was part of the moral authority behind this resolve.

Right now, Emmett was anxious to prove at the very start that his Biblical headship of the household was NOT the egotistical tyranny which the local 13-year-old girls wanted to believe it was so they could despise their own fathers. He would begin by compromising on his desire to keep Queenie near him--if she truly felt a need to go do more celebrity things. About this, as about nearly everything that would affect them in their life together, they would lovingly negotiate.

But until the time freeze ended, Emmett would not get to hear whether his cherished Queenie even did want to be a superstar anymore.
 
This time freeze meant that the Mule Brigade was charging the party hacks at the same time in every time zone so it was a beautiful sight to see them charging those terrified dudes. Of course they were led in the charge by Colonel Beauregard T. Beauregard (the "T" standing for Beauregard still). They were being cheered on by Union Colonel Eugene Templeton Singleton and the Pippin-like drummer boy.
 
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One of the diehard 13-year-old girls (so diehard that she stayed 13 years old for over 5 years) posts this:


Emmmut is dum. Wut does he thikn this ephesains is aniway, somthign in the Bibel? gurl power gurl powre
 
All at once, the elderly Gladys reveals that SHE is the one responsible for the time freeze. Transforming herself into a young, enchanting raven-tressed beauty (ALMOST as good-looking as Lucy the Marshwiggle), she takes Emmett to be her own lover, and they fly away to Shangri-La.

No, just kidding, she doesn't do that.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Emmett thought he could feel the time-freeze loosening up a bit now, so he said to his fiancee:

"While I'm all for you bein' a stay-at-home wife if you can stomach that, here's two arguments in favor of you still modellin' for a time and me travellin' with you. One: even though Jake an' me was transferred to modern times supernaturally from the 19th century, I still know America better'n you've had a chance to, so I could show you marvellous places like the Grand Canyon. Two: remember that there's a _chain_ of Gunslinger Steakhouses; you'n me could do personal appearances at each one of 'em in turn, hopefully boostin' their volume of business."
 
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An 18-year-old who thought she was no longer classified with the 13 year old girls suddenly had the urge to abbreviate something. This being also the type of thing Bertie Wooster would do she decided to go to Jeeves to get his help. Jeeves, however, had gone on vacation.
 
Ooc: Everytime I tried to reply the forum was jammed up or I had to leave


Queenie looked at her dear beloved Gunslinger and laid her soft warm hand on his'.

" Emmett dear one, the showbusiness thing is not what I wanted in the first place. You know...I was invited to come to the Oprah Winfrey show and Oprah said the show had been such success she offered me my own show. And this is how it all started. But I never wanted it in the first place. I wanted to destroy the people but when I found out my powers had weakened so much I decided to get into this. But when Aslan told me where I could find you I put everything aside. Because I did what I never did before. I followed my own heart. I know you don't expect me to follow you blindly and depend on you all the time. You want me to have my own things to do but I can assure you Emmett, it ain't this showbusiness. I found my true passion. I love animals and want to continue riding horses. I want you to show me more of your so beloved country. I have so much to see and explore. I want you to take me on a fishing trip. Show me how you spend your days here. I'm sure there is much left which I haven't seen yet. That's my final answer my darling".

Queenie laid her head against Emmett's shoulder. She was still tired and filled with joy after all this dancing
 
Jeeves, sedately and purposefully stuffing himself on a generously heaped plate of fish to help supply and expand his enormous intellect, paused for a moment to wonder if a small pang meant Mr. Wooster might be in need of his help. Thankfully he discovered it was only a small fishbone and finished his well-earned repast in peace before heading out to the beach.
 
Now it was Emmett whose face looked younger, as he laughed and exclaimed, "Queenie, lover-gal, do you realize you just said 'ain't'? We'll have y'all talkin' country-hick style yet! 'Ceptin', of course, when societal interactions amid the educated class contraindicate the aforesaid subset of colloquialisms, in which case we shall temporarily discard the rural vernacular until we return to our favored pastoral milieu."

The onlooking landlady wasn't sure which astonished her more: Emmett's abrupt switch to intellectual vocabulary--he had been known to do this before, but never so radically--or the searing passion with which he and Queenie now took to kissing again. But before Gladys could make up her mind about this, Emmett un-clinched once more, to turn and say to her:

"Can I ask y'all for one more favor, Gladys darlin'? Would you convoy me while I do a certain somethin', so you'll know nothin' improper's goin' on, yet I can still have me my symbolic gesture?"

Gladys nodded, though not sure what she was agreeing to. In one efficient motion, Emmett rose from the loveseat and swept Queenie up with him in his arms--her own arms never losing hold of him; then he started for the stairway. Gladys understood now, and her eyes filled with happy tears; her own dearest Henry, now eight years gone to glory, had once done the same thing with her as Emmett was about to do with Queenie. She followed them upstairs, seeing herself carried by a young, strong Henry in the same way.

Gladys showed the gunslinger which room was Queenie's by opening the door for them herself. Emmett carried Queenie into the room, receiving kisses from her as they went; then he stood at the edge of her bed, holding her a moment longer.

"Y'understand, sweetheart, once I set you down you can just get back up an' say goodnight, then get ready for actual bed-goin' after Gladys an' me leave the room. But I wanted to do this metaphorical thingie, so's you'll have an idea how it'll be when we're hitched up lawful and permanent."

Gladys wasn't the only woman shedding joyful tears now. "Oh, Emmett, I love you SO much!"

"And I you. Copperfox told me he and his Janalee used to use that comeback to each other's I-love-you's, and I liked it enough to swipe it. But I'll add in my OWN words: Queenie, if I didn't already know God was real, I'd know it now--'cause couldn't no random impersonal non-theistic evolutionary process come up with a love like you make me feel." He kissed her very softly, but with an ocean of tenderness...then very softly laid her on her back on the quilted bedspread.

He had no sooner stepped clear--and brought a still greater smile to Gladys' lined face by playfully delivering a surprise kiss on HER cheek--than Queenie stood up again, crooning to her beloved, "I promise you, Emmett, I'll try never to let you get tired of me."

"No worries there," Emmett assured her as they came together one more time. The goodnight kiss lasted ONLY another twenty seconds, after which Emmett forced himself to take his leave.

On his way out, Emmett looked straight into the nearest Mod-Cam, to quip, "Don't panic, y'all; when our actual wedding night comes, we'll SAY for public consumption that we shake hands at extreme arm's reach, then go sleep in separate houses five miles apart."

Aslan came to Queenie in her dreams. "My Lord," the redeemed lady asked her Redeemer, "will I succeed as a wife? Will I make Emmett happy?"

The God-Lion's breath, washing over her, excelled all perfumes ever concocted. "Dear daughter, you already have made him happy. If he were called into eternity tonight--don't worry, he won't be--he would enter My country knowing he had enjoyed an earthly love compatible with Heavenly love. As it is, you and he must live each day in hope and uncertainty, as all mortals must; but there is no reason why the love between you should not remain healthy and inspiring. Now rest, dear heart."

While Aslan was fading from sight, Queenie seemed to hear an orchestra playing joyful music. She was later to find out that the melody she had heard in the dream was the triumphal passage from Symphony No. 3 by Camille Saint-Saens.

But now, the third day of her new life was ahead of her.
 
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Another disgruntled 13-year-old Gloria Steinem wanna-be chimes in:


No! She cant beetray the sistrehood this way! She has to hewmiliate Emett, she HAS to! Cant Qweeni at leest gat mad at him four nuthing, so he has to crwal and apolojize for stuff he never did? What's the yuse of rollplaying if men dont get hewmiliated??
 
Alf makes his way to the Steakhouse but refuses to go in. "Everybody knows I hate cats" But Gladys reminds him there are no cats inside the steakhouse. They are outside. Alf scratches himself and goes in. Followed by Bat-bat of course. Bat-bat wants to take a good look at this weird alien who seems to have a big mouth. " Aren't you the one who drove 150 m/ph?" Alf waves his hand and gestures at Bat-bat. " No...I as in a hurry to get home". Bat-bat doesn't believe this tale and decides to keep an even closer eye on this weird alien _with_a_big_mouth
 
Another disgruntled 13-year-old Gloria Steinem wanna-be chimes in:


No! She cant beetray the sistrehood this way! She has to hewmiliate Emett, she HAS to! Cant Qweeni at leest gat mad at him four nuthing, so he has to crwal and apolojize for stuff he never did? What's the yuse of rollplaying if men dont get hewmiliated??

This girl was reminded that she had already created at least 10 saps.. er... princes that she had used to exercise her girl power on but had tired of each in turn. No one understood what she was talking about now. In fact no one understood what she ever said. Ever.
 
Vin Diesel walked into Chuck Norris. " What are you doing here?"
Chuck shook his head. " I can ask you the same" and Chuck walked on. Vin went to the post ofice to post a letter to Santa. He wanted to ask santa to get him the complete Disney Pixar collection. Marlin and Nemo were swimming in the nearby river and waved at Vin. Diesel jumped into the river and followed them. But soon he found Bruce on his way. The giant shark decided to bring Vin back to school.
 
THE FOLLOWING SCENE CAN BE THOUGHT OF AS HAPPENING BEFORE ALF, BAT-BAT, ETC. DROPPED IN AT THE GUNSLINGER STEAKHOUSE.


For the third morning in his life, Emmett Frankl woke up as a man engaged to be married. Even though some time would pass before he would have Queenie waking up beside--oops, cough cough, sorry, Mods, I mean to say some time before Queenie would start waking up in a separate house five miles away after having shaken hands with Emmett the night before...

Better start over.

Emmett came downstairs from the simulated bunkhouse above the restaurant, to find an unlikely duo working at something on the business computer: Trinity, and perching on her shoulder the purple duck Smerdyakov. "Mornin', ladies and gentledrakes. Care to tell a computer-illiterate cowpoke whatcher up to so early?"

Trinity, who not only did most of the accounting but also frequently typed up the reports for The Dancing Lawn on the Frankl brothers' doings, replied, "We're compiling data on the attacks of the gremlins which have caused so many TDL crashes lately. Smerdyakov wants his Rain of Terror to have the maximum effect."

"Death to hacker-gremlins!" quacked Smerdyakov. "Make them suffer for making nice Narnia fans suffer!"

Emmett looked at the screen for a moment, but saw no sense in what they were doing. He turned his thoughts to breakfast--then realized he was already smelling it cooking. It turned out to be Jake, fixing food not only for himself but for the others present, including the purple duck. Jake was most attentive, however, in serving Trinity...who thanked him warmly. Emmett kept his thoughts about this to himself--not that the thoughts were necessarily disapproving.
 
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Sam and her friends Cam, Pam and David all walked into Copperfox's veggiterian resturant. Earler on thet had been invited to eat for free and decided this would be a good time to take advantage of that and eat.
 
Emmett was walking to the nearby horse barn that he and Jake had built with a little super-powered help from Grey Eagle, to check on the horses...when he heard a roar, and a giant-wheeled monster pickup truck charged straight at him. Impressed on his mind in that instant of shock were the words painted on hood and sides: "Pig Momma Vengeance."

He flung himself out of the way of the onrushing county-fair novelty. Swinging around to attack him again, the truck damaged the door of his barn, frightening the horses inside. That made Emmett angry as the attempt on his life had not. Dodging the second rush, he leaped up onto the driver's mounting step, got the door open somehow without knocking himself back off again, grabbed the driver in an iron grip, and yanked....

MISS PIGGY....

....out of her seat, to fling her into the snow and gravel.

Emmett was not yet licensed to drive motor vehicles; but he knew what an ignition key was. Calling on the speed and precision of movement which had enabled him to survive a string of gun duels, he turned off the engine and booted what he thought was the brake pedal. His first try hit the gas pedal instead, but fortunately the engine was already off. Succeeding in halting the monster machine before it destroyed anything or anyone, he then went in pursuit of the deranged porco-humanoid, who was trying to escape on foot.

Miss Piggy did no better at running from her intended victim--or at fighting him when she tried to make a stand--than she had done at vehicular homicide. Dragged along by her hair, she vainly thrashed and struggled, crying shrilly, "Let me go! Let me go so I can prove how much stronger I am than you! How dare you overpower me when you're only a, a, a MALE!!"

Several bypassers had witnessed Piggy's intentional effort to run over Emmett with the truck--a fortunate thing, since otherwise many a court would have presupposed Emmett to be guilty of animal cruelty or worse. More townsfolk beheld how he dragged his captive straight to Gladys' bed-and-breakfast, and on inside.

In the breakfast room, Emmett greeted all who were eating, then said to his beloved, "Queenie, you remember the creature who wanted so bad t'join our conversation, day before yesterday? Here she is again, and wantin' somethin' fierce to hear YOUR womanly wisdom on a delicate subject. Please answer this question for her: what do you, a woman, think about a female who, havin' somehow come inta possession of somethin' that could give her a huge advantage as to killin' a man, would use this unfair advantage to attack a man who never done her no harm in his life?"

Unaware of what Miss Piggy had just done, Queenie's eyes grew huge, and her voice grew tiny:
"Are...you talking...about me?" For an instant, her heart was pierced with the dread of NOT being forgiven after all.

"No, sweetheart," Emmett hastened to clarify, "I'm not talkin' about no one whose sins are washed away by the blood of Jesus. I'm talkin' about this she-varmint, who tried to make sausage outta me by runnin' me over with a truck!"

If Miss Piggy had had any sense, she could have tried playing on the unbelievableness of the accusation to gain sympathy. But her ego would not keep silent. "It's your fault," she screeched, "for not falling down when I hit you Thursday! It's in my contract that ANY male I hit has to fall down! Just ask the Henson Studios, they'll tell you!" Thus did she convict herself out of her own snout.

"Oh, I plan to call the Henson Studios," Emmett snapped, "to have 'em come fetch you. And you'll do your waitin' locked inside a toolshed. But Queenie, your answer to, um"--he suddenly grinned--"the SOW Queen?"

Queenie ignored the pun, and said to Miss Piggy, "A woman has no more right to harm an innocent man than a man has to harm an innocent woman. A woman who, by luck rather than merit, had an especially powerful advantage, would only be MORE despicable for using it against an innocent man. In fact"--here Queenie's eyes gave Emmett a signal which he correctly interpreted--"she would deserve to get THIS."

As if the two lovers had rehearsed it, Emmett released his grip on Miss Piggy, and Queenie instantly caught hold of her instead in a left-hand grip. Then, imitating the abrasive Muppet character's "Hi-yah!" scream, Queenie slammed her unpracticed but adequately strong right fist into the ugly face of Miss Piggy, who flew backwards and bounced off the refrigerator, to slump there in a daze.

"Thank you for educatin' her, darlin'," said Emmett, kissing his betrothed in sight of Gladys and the other guests--most of whom had also seen them kissing at the steakhouse the night before.

After the kiss, Queenie pressed her head against her lover's shoulder and clung to him. "Dearest, * I * deserve to be punished for what * I * did to you and Jake. But Aslan's retaliation was really a mercy, setting me FREE from that evil magic. And then to have you love me besides--it still is hard for me to believe something so wonderful."

"God overcomes evil with good," he told her, kissing her again. "Maybe even Miss Lardbrain yonder will eventually see it. Course, doesn't help matters much that her production company always pushes pantheism and never acknowledges Jesus. But please, finish your breakfast; then we'll talk about what you wanna do today, since you still got a livin' fiance to do it with, no thanks to Piggy. Oh, and remember, tomorrow I take you to your very first church service!"
 
While eating they saw a random man run into the resturant. He ran over to Copperfox and wisperd very fast to him. Then both the man and Copperfox ran outside.
 
Bat-Bat was thinking about taking a vacation to Bermuda for a couple of weeks since he had a little more time to relax now that most of the vampire threads had been locked. Besides, all the purple ducks were really annoying him.
 
{ Consider this to be happening _before_ Bat-Bat thinking of a vacation. }


Copperfox would have felt horrible if trouble had befallen his buddy Emmett and he _hadn't_ been there to respond. Grateful to the neighbor who had told him of the incident, he turned into Grey Eagle so as to cover more swiftly even the short distance to the Gunslinger Steakhouse.

Trinity and Bat-Bat were outside examining the huge truck and the surrounding situation generally. Jake was making sure No-Name and the other horses were unhurt. Another neighbor told Grey Eagle how Emmett had dragged Miss Piggy to the bed-and-breakfast; this neighbor offered the wish for Miss Piggy to find it a one-way trip to Gladys' kitchen in the form of ham, pork chops and bacon. Copperfox replied mildly to this, "Now, remember that even if she does come out of a laboratory, Miss Piggy still is a reasoning--okay, she isn't _much_ of a reasoning being, but she's an _intelligent_ being, sort of. And so we should prefer her to be redeemed ...especially since that would please Kermit the Frog much better than butchering her."


 
Queenie hugged her so beloved Emmett. " I would love you to take me on a fishing trip darling". Emmett notified Queenie it was getting cold and it snowed a bit on some places in Colorado. Queenie didn't mind. " As long as you are with me I will have no problem to face the cold. It would be great to fel the real cold from the outside instead of the inside. For all those long years I lived in a cold land. But I never felt this cold. The people around me were freezing and I was laighing at them. So now I have changed and let God inside my heart I no longer experience any cold inside of me. So take me with you and show me how you catch fish!" The beautiful queen smiled and wrapped her arms around her lover's neck.
 
OOC: Queenie's wish is both Emmett's and my command. I would have written this next entry much sooner, except that the fatigue of real-world events (mainly, waiting out my father's surgery) caused me to drop off to sleep.

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Copperfox in his form as Grey Eagle found the couple busily--shaking hands, Mods, honest, only shaking hands! :rolleyes: --with the psychotic Miss Piggy having been locked in a corrugated-metal toolshed. Learning what had happened and what Emmett and Queenie wanted to do now, the superhero had Emmett first write and sign a statement about the attempt on his life.

"Turning the pig over to Henson Studios might be all that's needed," Grey Eagle told the couple. "In recent years, and especially since the latest election, the entertainment industry has _become_ part of the authority structure in America. But if sheriff's deputies are called in, my superhero status will allow me to report to them in your place. Enjoy your day."

Emmett and Queenie initially resumed enjoying the day the way they had been enjoying it just before Grey Eagle came upon them--shaking hands, that's all, Mods, really! :rolleyes: Soon, though, they would go see Jake about how the horses were doing; then they would see about the fishing trip Queenie desired. Less than 72 hours after the first time they had even met as other than foes, Emmett was now prepared by his own free will to be _almost_ as governed by his darling's wishes as if he _were_ under a spell. Almost, but not exactly. Now, he _could_ overrule Queenie's wishes if there were valid cause to do so. But the fishing trip was cool. In November, literally cool.

Grey Eagle flew back to The Octopus Garden, where Sami asked him to explain what the commotion outdoors had been. He told her--to which her reaction and that of her friends was: "MISS PIGGY? As in the Muppet Show?" Grey Eagle pointed out that it was nothing new for pampered celebrities to act like--well, like pampered celebrities who think they'll never be held accountable for their actions. "You may be a celebrity one day," the superhero told the beautiful and promising young dancer. "But I trust that _you'll_ remember that you're answerable to God, not to Hollywood."

"I'll remember," Sami assured him, and gave a G-rated hug to the man who had given her a break in show business the night before.
 
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