Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

The ship's company of the dreadnought had welcomed a new specialist: Haxxadoff, one of the many Spaced-Out Guild members who had willingly sworn allegiance to House Ashtrayides. Importantly, Haxxadoff had gained proficiency at operating the Spacebullion retroactive temporal scanner. When the great ship settled into a parking orbit, colonial chief executive Boone Crockett was ferried up from the planetary capital. I remind my readers that the "past-oscope" can only reveal past events if someone involved in using it has a personal interest in the information to be uncovered.

Joining Haxadoff and Rajah Ramrocket on the dreadnought's bridge, Boone was walked through the surprisingly simple activation process. He certainly had a vested interest in conditions on the planet whose elected leader he was.

The background history of "Choking Valley" was played back. One of the most important points was the disclosure that the Glukks possessed a weapon type derived from the slicing beams of Shadow vessels in the Babylon Five TV series. "Those weapons," Rajah explained to Boone as they watched, "would open many starship types like a ration can. The deflectors mounted on ships of the Republic of Lots of Worlds -- and on our new dreadnought-- would fend off Glukk shots at least for a while; the energy shield of a Green Flashlight or a Heart Sapphire would do the same. But no warships known to me can GET INSIDE Bazookadar; and the few artifact-powered superheroes currently on the scene might not be enough to protect a strike force moving into the evil fog."

Perry Kushun was within hearing, and interjected: "Anti-matter weapons might open a passage big enough to let in-atmosphere combat craft into Bazookadar, but I will resist any order to do that. Thousands of living creatures would be sure to die at the location of a breakthrough. I once was nearly a party to genocide on a planetary scale; the Creator will never forgive me if, being pardoned once, I accept any such plan again."

The colony leader clapped the signalman on the shoulder, then faced Haxxadoff. "Does the spearhead for a landing in Choking Valley have to be a warship? I'm not from the Dune-derived Galactic Empire, but I know that Naughtygator jump-ships are the next best thing to absolutely indestructible. And isn't the open atmosphere inside Bazookadar spacious enough that a jump-ship could materialize in there?"

"Yes, with caution, it could be done." Looking at Perry: "And a displacement wave would occur, preventing any nearby birds from dying by molecule-merging with the ship. Our jump-ships mount no weapons, but it might be enough if one delivers the invasion force within striking distance. I remain in touch with Alec Hurdygurdy on Greedy Crime; he could furnish a landing force of Ashtrayides and Srirachian ground troops to bring the fight to the enemy."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Keldasura the "tame" Wingdinger, and the characters last reported as being with her, maintained surveillance near the border of the Glukks' enclave while the invasion force was being equipped and brought to Freesoil. Alec Hurdygurdy was not needed to remain all the time on the now-cleansed former Snarkonnen base-planet; so he cheerfully assumed command of the liberation force being assigned to Freesoil. None of these troops carried the Dune-concept personal energy shields; using those when the enemy was firing beam weapons would be suicidal. But body armor and bullet-guns manufactured on Federal Earth for the Starship Grunts were available.

Tiptikditpip, meanwhile, contacted the Janitors of the Universe, requesting additional Flashlights to provide shielding which would not explode when hit by energy weapons. The first available hero proved to be the most suitable one they could have asked for: Twishdok, the one who looked like a Velociraptor. Twishdok had been among the defenders of Earth-Whichever when Trippenwonk's forces invaded; later, he had gone to the Zaire-Congo of that Earth, to stop Marxist gangsters from duplicating Awkwardlispian rayguns. When the Janitors precipitated Twishdok's coming to Freesoil, all of the Freesoilers understood at once that, if this were called for, he could blend right into the scenery in a neo-prehistoric environment.

Shortly before Haxxadoff was expected to enter the star system aboard a Spaced-Out Guild jump-ship, two more energy- wielders arrived to join the action. One was a female insectoid who had been one of the Flashlights on Jersey Earth when the Flashlight Corps was laboring to undo the unintentional harm done there by Heart Sapphires. Wagdorda was around the same size as Tiptikditpip, but of a different species. The other, the essentially human Yee-Mo-Mee-Baji, was one of the Heart Sapphires who had acquired some belated good sense on Jersey Earth. She was the physical type of woman who could look very good with a moderately full-figured body.

A tentative ground-combat plan proposed that Bill Redvest, Twishdok, Tiptikditpip, Yee-Mo-Mee-Naji and Wagdorda would form a front line, their combined Flashlight/Sapphire energy shielding the infantry (including jetpack users) against the expected Shadything- type slicer beams. Lylah and Exmaknor with their Fuss powers, and John Cardsharper with his analogous telepathic talent, hoped to sense where individual Glukks actually were, despite the evil aliens' distortion camouflage. Versaderma would assume some suitable animal shape, to fight beside the Ashtrayides troops (and Boone Crockett, who felt an obligation to be in on the fight).

On the day of the offensive, when the good-aligned beings came within three miles of the boundary of the land held by the Glukks the two Jedi-equivalents found that they could not localize the faint mind-traces of the enemy. John Cardsharper, however, was able to determine where the nearest Glukks were, that there were about thirty of them at the location he had sensed..... and that these Glukks were stationed at, or near to, a heavy weapons emplacement.

There was no optimism about results of a parley. The heroes knew that the Glukks were too dishonorable to keep their word on any kind of truce.
Nonetheless, there were proprieties entailed in being on the side of good.

John and Lylah Cardsharper did a mind-meld, the better to transmit a call for surrender to the horribly wicked aliens. When the energy- shields of Twishdok and Yee-Mo-Mee-Nai were shaken by a beam-cannon barrage, the good guys could be satisfied that they had done what they could to be peaceful. Now Tiptikditpip transmitted the call for Haxxadoff's jump-ship to enter Bazookadar.
 
Last edited:
"Forty seconds to jump!" Haxxadoff notified Alec Hurdygurdy.

Sixteen slicer- beams flailed vainly at the impenetrable hull of the hyper-hopping transport. Twenty Srirachian warriors and thirty-one Ashtrayides soldiers (counting Alec) were standing by. The strike force had borrowed a trick from the Starship Grunts: seventy decoy mannequins with programmed jetpacks went out the mouth of the Naughtygator transport, mingling with the flesh- and-blood warriors And for as much of the descent phase as possible, real and simulated soldiers had the Guild ship hovering between them and the ground. In the brief interval when they were in the Glukks' line of fire, only two of the descending fighters were killed, one each of men from Srirachiss and Waterpark.

Before the airborne element landed, the warriors on ground level cut loose with rocket launchers, bows-- and in Boone Crockett's case, a very high-powered hunting rifle which had brought down a few Creepycrawlids back in the day. Also a rifle in John Cardsharper's case. The blurring effect produced by Glukks made it impossible to see directly which projectiles hit something; but Lylah and Exmaknor could feel through the Fuss that at least half a dozen Glukks had been slain and others incapacitated.

The Green Flashlights and the one Sapphire Sister were holding well against the Glukk weapons-- until one slicer-beam crew flanked them. A single shot instantly slew Boone Crockett, Tiptikditpip, and three of the Ashtrayides soldiers, also severing Bill Redvest's legs below the knees. The evil aliens would have claimed still more lives, if not for Keldasura. The good-aligned Wingdinger dived onto the three gunners, killed them with her beak, then dragged their weapon toward Alec Hurdygurdy. Alec knew enough about modern weapons that he was immediately certain he could operate it. Beckoning one soldier to him, the Ashtrayides general moved the energy-artillery piece into the gap left by the ant-shaped Green Flashlight's death. Exmaknor's Fuss power was closing the blood vessels in Bill's amputated calves, as gunmen on their side kept up the attack against the Glukks.

Twishdok went full-power now, generating something like a hundred-meter-long broom. He didn't have to see every Glukk individually, to knock many of them off their feet. Seeing that her husband's injuries were being treated, Versaderma turned into an oversized cheetah, dashed headlong into the enemy ranks, and ripped open what seemed to be the throats of half a dozen Glukks who had been tipped over by Twishdok's energy-broom.

The still-standing Srirachians furiously charged into the gap which Twishdok and Versaderma had opened. Haxxadoff shifted his hovering jump-ship toward the enemy rear, then set it down. Just like that, the Glukks found an unbreakable barrier BEHIND them, cutting off retreat. Boxed in, the horrid monsters now had less benefit from their semi- invisibility. Green Flashlight Wagdorda flew past the scene of butchery, to capture some of the rear-area Glukks alive. A request was sent to Planet Toofah-Roff, to send some strong Fuss-users who could mentally dominate the prisoners.

Perry Kushun, Denzel Powder and some of the other tech-savvy good guys, would now have plenty of alien hardware to study.

In days following, Tarp Kanvas was elected as the successor to Boone Crockett. "Tamed" Lazytaxie scientists from Planet Waterpark were summoned to regrow Bill Redvest's legs. In weeks following, Keldasura would find a mate among Wingdingers who had made peace with humanity. Their eventual son would be named Tiptikditpip.
 
Last edited:
BE PATIENT WITH EXTENSIVE CATCH-UP EXPOSITION ON PUNKSTEEMA.

In the kingdom of Jeltua, the closest ally of Mifdola. a new airship had been built. Named Cloud Wagon, it was smaller and simpler than Queen's Favor, but was efficient. The Loi-Jeltua government was interested in expanding the friendly contacts they and the Mifdolans had built with nations beyond the north pole. Not duplicating the itinerary of Kring Dakamish and company, Captain Veskamet Jolut was bound for Upper and Lower Wenzeppu.

It was known that Diego Smith, youngest of Sir Ronald's recent apprentices, was back home now in Lower Wenzeppu, employed seriously as a tinsmith. Be it known that Wenzeppuans (Lower OR Upper) don't speak English; but the young Towerman's name IS phonetically "Diego Smith" because creative license. Be it also remembered how Ronald of Goliad always maintained that gunslinger- knights should learn skills apart from combat methods. Only a few people close to Diego knew that he had acquired the nickname "Skull Driller" in Samplibam, after slaying the murderer Prendok Fegsor in a fair duel.

Besides generic airmen and armed guards, Veskamet was accompanied by Vicar Tegmorsh son of Tegloth, Mifdola's only full-time Christian cleric. Tegmorsh was by now married to Mellow Druidess Ranwyn Brightpetal. Copperfox reminds you that the Mellow Druids, though technically not Christian clergy, did in fact acknowledge the actual Biblical God. Prince-Consort Felipe of Mifdola had officiated at Tegmorsh and Ranwyn's wedding.

One more distinct character along for the ride was the Reslagorian laborer Jarsken Bowdrie, the man who had had a friendly fistfight with Sir Ronald. Enough time had passed since then, that Jarsken and Ronald had recovered from the injuries which they had inflicted on each other without hatred. Also, the elapsed time had seen the Captains of Skilled Labor getting well established in multiple nations including Hukshem and Bamulica. Jarsken, being now a "Captain" himself, was interested in promoting the movement beyond the arctic zone.

At a provisioning stopover in Upper Wenzeppu, Veskamet and company picked up assorted news of Lower Wenzeppu and the neighboring land of Limzeppu. One point of interest concerned the Gahurrite rifleman Roy Crinkly, who had been on the side of good in the Battle of Oxhide Spring. Roy had received the Towerman anointing, and was often seen in Lower Wenzeppu, visiting with Diego's family and friends.

Jarsken remarked to his companions at one point: "Since young Mister Smith is also a craftsman, maybe God would allow him to be a 'Captain' in addition to being a Towerman!" Tegmorsh, Ranwyn and Veskamet all replied that they saw no reason why this could not occur.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
The Smith family didn't have space to house the air-traveling visitors, but a spacious inn was available. Captain Jolut found local businessmen willing to set up a takeoff-landing square for Cloud Wagon, in return for his describing its design and operation to them. Conferences expanded into talking about nations east of the Wenzeppues: countries which were not regularly visited by the prominent Silnarpian sky-merchants. Tegmorsh and Ranwyn, meanwhile, made inquiries about any activity in this region by either Frantic Druids or personnel of the Two Rivers Evil Business Corporation. And Jarsken Bowdrie talked with various locals about the state of railway construction and telegraph service in the region.

Eight days after the airship had landed, a local peddler named Victor Shelsidan, who traded with peaceful nomads to the east, persuaded Roy and Jarsken to join him on a side excursion, determining whether potential existed for making one or more trade routes more productive.

Four days out, they ran across one tribal group which had many elderly members who could not easily travel. Victor, able to communicate in their sign language, found that these nomads didn't want to cast the elders out to starve, but were close to being compelled to do so. Victor turned toward Jarsken and said, "I'm going to outright GIVE them all of the food items I was going to sell; then we can use our guns to bring down some wild game for them."

Jarsken Bowdrie nodded. "And, with some grunt-work assistance, I can build two or three cabins which will protect the most vulnerable of them from cold weather better than their tents can do."

Being a recently-initiated Captain of Skilled Labor, Jarsken surprised even himself with how well his cabin-building turned out. He and Victor lost time and money in the short term; but not everybody who subscribes to free enterprise is a heartless, greedy bandit-capitalist like the Two Rivers people in Reslagor. And the goodwill Victor's party gained would bring rewards in the long run. Sometimes heroes don't have to fight anybody.

* * * * * * * * * * *
 
Last edited:
NEW SCENE, considerably west of Lower Wenzeppu and Samplibam:

I remind the readers that an airborne expedition including Donnie Tonka and Ysidro Lopez overcame a bandit regime in Udraski. These bandits had no connection with Jaheg-Jorod the necromancer. The mercantile nation of Silnarp, however, had a ruling elite class which WAS voluntarily in Jaheg- Jorod's hire. By means of his Reslagorian agents, the immortal fiend was equipping Silnarp, and intended to equip the crooked noble houses in Samplibam, with a sort of gatling gun. Count Omar MacFrancis and Countess Cleopatra MacFrancis were at the forefront of collaboration with the zombie-maker.

One tryout of rattle-guns was "live": murdering a party of bison hunters from Flodmarth. Jaheg-Jorod had animated the victims, merely so the corpses would walk to a remote place to be buried.

Jonawiku the ronin-archer, still doing reconnaissance, had temporarily split from the Field-Master and the rest of their party (Tengu included), to probe a modest range of stony hills. His only companion was a lost dog he had rescued while still with Nefekor. Similar to an Original Earth border collie, the near-adult female had suffered a broken leg; Jonawiku had efficiently splinted the leg, and had carried his new dog over his shoulders for almost a tenday. Coming to a wide creek, he had built a raft; since Nefekor was leading the others upstream, Jonawiku splinted his dog's leg and they rode the current.

Between the fact of eating fish during the creek voyage, and the dog having a crooked tail, the quasi-Japanese Towerman decided to name his dog Fish Hook. Passing by two small nomad camps, he noticed that both groups had similar dogs, but no one claimed to be Fish Hook's owner.

Soon afterward, a bird-headed tengu, a male who has not figured in the narrative before now, came to a landing on the creek bank and hailed the archer. "Towerman Jonawiku, son of Mofiruzo, sometime husband of the ever-honored Lady Shuhiro! My name is Dijimoyat; my family dwells outside the north border of the Shogunate. After southern friends filled us in on your most recent adventures, I resolved to meet you, and to become the latest member of the Tengu Nation to assist in your quest."

Jonawiku rendered a palm-to-palm salute. "May Haruyaso bless and reward you, my sky-roaming friend." (To remind my readers, "Haruyaso" refers to Actual God in His fullness as the Trinity.) "My longbow is at your service. Tell me, is there news of Houses Yagahodo and Inomura?" The ronin had named the two noble clans which had been especially friendly to Ronald of Goliad and his comrades.

"All is well with them, and the latest marriage alliance between them adds to the general goodwill. What is more, the new revolvers are being integrated into battlefield tactics in training."

"Hmm, and what about Neridim Yubiwaza?" Jonawiku referred to the top armorer of House Burakarut. Jonawiku knew of that man's existence, but was unaware of something which the omniscient narrator knows: that Neridim was in league with Jaheg-Jorod. Since Dijimoyat was not the omniscient narrator, he had to admit: "I'm not the omniscient narrator, so I don't know what Master Yubiwaza is up to lately. I do know, however, that his hired men have been running his craft hall without him, and he has been glimpsed beyond the northwest border."

Something none of the good guys knew about Neridim was that he was provided with occasional teleport hops by Jaheg-Jorod, precisely to keep the gunsmith from getting caught.

While they were getting better acquainted, Dijimoyat spoke words over Fish Hook, accelerating the healing of her damaged leg.

* * * * * * * * * * *
 
Last edited:
The scene changes.....

Wyatt Hickok, the Towerman who had spent years in suspended animation starting before the Punksteeman plotline, had lately traversed about half of the planet going westward, much of the way along the Wellvernian coast. At one stage, Wyatt and his young mentorees had helped to thwart a new undead outbreak. Of the young knights, Ilya Trostel from Vodranor had already gained his knighthood while fighting beside Sir Ronald; Lagmarosk Mezdatch, the son of a road inspector, and Frethric Belgus, the son of a forester, were enlisted much later on the southern continent.

Much farther along, it was Frethric who was badly hurt at sea, fighting the Fishing Line Islanders who attacked Perdida Fortescue's merchant steamer Leaping Swordfish. Northman Burzu Yunsh of the Sogmilla tundra-dwellers was in on that action. The retaliatory naval campaign organized by George Rothermill of Tablanor had visited harsh retribution upon the pirates. As we catch up with "present time," Frethric still was on a long rest break with Ilya's relatives in Vodranor. Ilya himself, and Lagmarosk, headed northwest with Wyatt for a new adventure.

Recent months had seen international collaboration on increasing telegraph continuity. Lines had been laid easily enough through Brishlo and Brishdar, the sister nations which had been aided by Bamulican soldiers against the Bloody Diggers. It's just coincidence that so many names begin with B. The mountainous land of Bavrid was, naturally, a more difficult piece of geography for telegraph lines than most countries. Lagmarosk and Ilya, neither of them a mountaineer, accompanied their teacher into the mountains, where they would offer their services for the security of the Loi-Bavrid telegraph expansion.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sergeant Rovakel, a Loi-Bavrid soldier acquainted with Ronald of Goliad, cheerfully welcomed the latest gunslinger-knights to cross his nation's border. "Sir Wyatt Hickok, I know tales of your deeds. Sir Ilya, I trust you are doing your part guiding young Sir Lagmarosk along. When Shugdil and Shugsem heard that Towermen were coming, they scrambled to offer their mountain-guide services." The men Rovakel named, a father and son respectively, had formerly assisted Sir Ronald in finding evidence of Jaheg-Jorod's activity in the mountains.

"Sir Wyatt, have you spoken any time recently with Rizlaya Tohir?" asked Shugdil, referring to the good-aligned sorceress who was an advisor to the widely-respected General William Seldunin in Felruda.

"We didn't pass anywhere near Prethlonstead on our way here," Wyatt replied, referring to the Felrudean capital. "But it isn't a bad idea. Do you have a working telegraph line to there?"

"From any place near here," said Shugsem, "we can only directly contact one of their border stations."

Wyatt nodded. "You should do that much-- in case Mistress Tohir isn't already scanning events out this way."

Lagmarosk tugged at his mentor's sleeve. "Sir Wyatt, shouldn't we proceed with investigations regardless?"

"So we shall. Master Shugdil, is any specific location where you particularly suspect meddling by evil forces? If so--lead on."

There was, and the mountain guides did.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
In the time zone which included the land of Hukshem, T'Pinnok Zur slept late on the morning which was early afternoon in Bavrid. This enabled the dream- seer to discover from a distance what Sir Wyatt was looking for. While he still was asleep, he psychically communicated with Rizlaya Tohir, so she would be able to pass the information to the Towermen.

Jaheg-Jorod had indeed begun meddling with telegraph service in that part of the world.
 
Last edited:
Ronald and Zoralee, with Zoralee's brother and sister-in-law, were living as more-than-welcome guests of the Pril family, while both Zoralee and Judy were going through their pregnancies. Billyboy Jeralo the good-aligned werebeast was part of what kept the household safe against foes. Ronald's trainee D'Kovo, D'Kovo's Smoke Maiden sister Razibi, the three Nizozuan girls, and other prospective guardians constituted a formidable bulwark against any foes. Troopers of the Malgriff Hussars and the Sagrum Rangers, members of the Captains of Skilled Labor, and curious inquirers from nearby Kikoro, were always dropping in.

* * * * * * * * * * *
"Hello, Master and Mistress Pril," said Zeldie Forsype, a young Reslagorian woman who had begun receiving Smoke Maiden training with Jillian Shard. "I have good news for you! For you yourselves, and for the neighborhood."

"Is it about your martial training?" asked the lady of the estate. "Or about the Captains?"

"Both, Mistress Pril. Remember the Reslagorian gunsmith Gordon Septimus? He has received the Skilled Labor anointing; and as it concerns gun-making, he believes he has figured out the new gunpowder."

"What new gunpowder is that?"

Zeldie reflexively gazed all around. "It is rumored that, in widely separated lands, there have been violent incidents involving an explosive substance more powerful than the gunpowder we know. If that new powder exists, the chivalrous orders need to obtain it. Mister Septimus is experimenting now, trying to determine what ingredients are needed."

D'Vargut Pril now spoke: "But what if the explosive improvement is magical?"

"Sir, you know that Captains of Skilled Labor enjoy supernormal intuition about matters of their own skill set. Mister Septimus is convinced that the new gunpowder's merits are purely chemical, and that given time, he can duplicate the formula. Whenever he succeeds, he intends to make his product available at no cost for all Towermen and Smoke Maidens."

* * * * * * * * * * *
Wildroot Seedoil the Mellow Druidess, who included midwifing in her toolbox, had been monitoring Zoralee Goliad's pregnancy. Her husband, who had for years been the Last Towerman, had TWO sons on the way: fraternal twins, according to Wildroot.

"Ronald, my darling, I mean it: I want you to name both boys. The Jeralo ancestry can be honored by Billyboy and Judy's children, and by LATER children that I'll bear for you. Spill it, what do you want to call the twins?"

After a serious kiss, Ronald replied: "Whichever boy comes out first will be named Gareth, for my maternal grandfather. The other will be named for my father Mellacarth."

"So if I later bear one more son, will he be named Jessruf?"

"No, he won't. My father's father dishonored our bloodline by numerous bad deeds. THAT is why I go by '--of Goliad,' instead of a definite surname. My father was so ashamed of HIS father, that he dropped the last name as an unclean thing. And Brewster of Goliad, whom I have mentioned to you, has a similar cause to surname himself after our native land."
 
Last edited:
All right, enough time has passed. Let's join Giles Magg, the Goulash clone of Duke Neato the Pure-Hearted and Generally Likeable. He needs to deal with magical Wendigoes who originated in the Canada of Mediumgard Earth.

In the Galactic Jalapeno Empire based on Frank Herbert's uber-pessimistic fiction, female wielders of Jalapeno power usually disliked the mostly-male Order of Mentalcats: more or less the classic friction between emotion and logic. Among the mystical women, Penny Jezebels were sometimes evil, while Hotblood Matrons were _invariably_ evil, unless outside influence turned them away from wickedness. But it so happened that good- aligned characters (including superheroes from Seedubb) _had_ persuaded quite a few Hotbloods to repent of badness.

Narzississa the Hotblood Matron, with other impenitent harpies, had stolen one of the latest non-Guild-owned starships, and had migrated to the habitable backwater planet Vojodren. Some humans dwelt there, but they were of no importance to Narzississa, who had set up camp very far from them. There she and her sisters had gotten together with a male Mentalcat called Piper Dizeeze, who had built a high-grade robot named Ironhide. This very fact went against the Empire's prohibition against artificial intelligence, but made Piper a natural co-belligerent in the cause of evil badness. The Mentalcat and his robot had already designed and built an operational Starhatch; but lacking either detailed star charts or the aid of a Naughtygator, Piper could not program his wormhole-gate to reach any place not already familiar to him.

Narzississa possessed a highly detailed astrographic database, because don't let the plotline get bogged down. Her collaboration with Piper Dizeeze was pretty much like the partnership of Sorceress Ickylinn with Tyrone Glass Nielsen. In time, Narzississa's clairvoyance and Piper's deductive powers determined that one certain Starhatch (the one in the Argentina of Mediumgard Earth) could gather in fellow evildoers to help them do evil stuff. She told him that Ironhide and follow-on robots needed to possess compact flamethrowers, because burning would be the correct threat with which to command the creatures.

This point in time was not long after good-aligned Naughtygators transported the speed-powered hero Giles Magg, with a squad of Srirachian warriors under Sub-Chief Punchout, to Planet Bakwudza, where a wise old lady named Sally Porter governed the solitary town of Toehold.

To keep things moving, the mighty Hopecrusher known as Inexorable Trash communicated with Narzississa and Piper. Of particular interest, he told them: "I can relocate an existing Starhatch from far away to another planet in your own galactic region, Bakwudza. The Goulash clone of Neato Ashtrayides is there now, trying to make himself useful to the colonists. When the inhuman creatures I am enlisting arrive on Bakwudza, you can save everybody there by bringing the creatures under your own control."

Piper asked, "Do you want us to take our ship to Bakwudza, or just use the Starhatch?"

"Use the ship, if it can deliver at least six action-ready combat robots. Do not immediately let the Bakwudzans know that you have a Starhatch; you may want to let them think you found them by chance. Giles Magg, the clone, has abilities which would make him useful in your service, but he'll be powerless to stop the Wendigoes, which is what they are called."

"Should I try to summon more Hotblood Matrons here to join us?" asked Narzississa.

"Yes, if you can reach them. I know your ability to use The Chatter. The Wendigoes are not easy to dominate; but if you have a major cumulative mental force to use on them, you might make it unnecessary for Master Dizeeze's robots to make an example by incinerating a Wendigo or two."

Narzississa's junior sisters powered up the subspace radio for an attempt to call other Hotbloods in other star systems.

\ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \

Sally Porter, the more-or-less mayor of Toehold, was a widow with four daughters. Of these, all but the youngest had husbands. The fourth daughter, Zabreela Porter, was nineteen Earth-years old, and the least attractive of the four siblings. But she wasn't ugly; if they were tens, she was not less than a seven. And she was the smartest of them; her happiest childhood memories were of joining her father in mapping out plots of land and planning the best use for them.

When Giles Magg had appeared on Bakwudza and told the settlers who he was, he found that they had heard of him. Zabreela's three sisters, while faithful to their husbands, had been emotionally moved by the story of a Goulash duplicate who couldn't help feeling an echo of the love his template had felt for Lady Jazzica. Some _single_ women in Toehold were more explicit in their sympathy for the handsome, courtly Quickness Force user. Zabreela took a liking to Giles, but was in no haste to try to charm and attract him. Still, she involved herself in her mother's conversations with Giles about what services he might perform.

The first idea was logical enough, once they confirmed that Giles wore shoes which, designed not to wear out from super-swift running, were also impenetrable by thorns. Given an old-fashioned scythe, the speedster mowed down a six-acre field of nasty thorn bushes in barely over one minute. It was left to mechanical cultivators to extract all of the roots.

(We _still_ are not quite at the point in time when the Wendigoes, fleeing from the heroes Roger Tree Root and Golden Gaucho, leave their Earth-variant and use that world's hidden Starhatch to blink over to Bakwudza.)
 
Last edited:
Narzississa's plan to wait bore good (from her viewpoint) fruit. Some evil-aligned Naughtygators, who had never accepted the supremacy of House Ashtrayides even under the terms of Stillneater's reformational constitution, psychically discovered what was afoot on Vojodren. While too cowardly to loiter in a place which might soon attract good-guy attention, they did transport some more Hotblood Matrons to that planet, with weapons and provisions. Most of the newly arriving villainesses were personally known to Narzississa, who greeted them all warmly. The most experienced of the new arrivals, and the longest acquainted with Narzississa, was named Robjendra.

"Narzy, dear, when the Naughtygators detected the independent older colony a quarter-circle around the planet, I urged them to bombard those peasants from orbit with a non-lethal submissiveness gas. Three Matrons are over there now, taking command; they can report to us by long-range ionospheric radio calls."

Narzississa was demonstratively pleased; the Dancing Lawn expression "tackle-hug" would apply. "Ever so excellent, Robjendra! We'll find jobs for those nobodies to perform soon. Meanwhile, allow me to introduce all of you to Piper Dizeeze, who is an excellent fellow as males go."

The younger Hotbloods were taken aback when discovering robots at Narzississa's home base, but Robjendra reminded them that the end justifies the means. The warlike women soon consented to let the Mentalcat brief them about his robots and how they would prove useful. Some were alarmed to hear that the Wendigoes expected to invade Bakwudza were weapon-resistant, but were relieved to learn that ordinary flame could hurt them.

And that The Chatter _probably_ could take control of a Wendigo's mind.

\ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \

Light-years away from Narzississa and Piper, the Wendigoes came trooping out of the Bakwudza Starhatch, which was in the side of a wooded hill. No humans were anywhere near, so the Bigfoot-like monsters killed and devoured several animals whose ecological niche was like deer in the temperate zones of Earth.

A day before this abrupt invasion, a surveyor of potential new settlement sites, named Henry Daikosa, had set out in Toehold's only aircraft, an ultralight one-seat helicopter, to scout a mesa whose top seldom was visited by large animals: thus a potential village site without much in the way of beast hazards. Unfortunately for him, just a kilometer short of the mesa, a large bird flew into his main rotor. This unfortunate bird's death was nearly Henry's death as well. The helo had underside airbags, but these were damaged by a tree. Landing hard, the pilot suffered a shattered ankle. He got through to home with a distress call; but no one had the means to reach him quickly.

Except, of course, the Goulash clone with the Quickness Force.

Given a device which would home in on the helo's transponder, Giles drank the local version of a protein shake, assimilated its full nourishment in forty seconds, then set out in the direction indicated. Covering over a hundred miles in less than ten minutes, he pinpointed Henry Daikosa's location-- around the same time as a hulking Wendigo caught the stranded pilot's scent.

\ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \

Henry Daikosa's parents had always taught him: Don't bother animals, and they won't bother you. But Henry had not needed to "provoke" the alien creature, something like the ice-planet carnivore in The Empire Strikes Back, for >it< to decide that it would bother him. Now he wished in vain that he had a gun. He wished also that he had paid more attention when, as a boy, he had attended his reality's nearest equivalent of Sunday school.

For her part, the female Wendigo took delight in smelling human flesh; but then some of the human flesh that she detected ran right into her.

What startled the aviator out of his terror was the passage of _something_ impossibly swift racing past him. Before he could get the dust out of his eyes and track whatever had shot across his field of sight, the biped horror fell on its face, its feet seemingly jerked out from under it.

\ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \

As with Frank Herbert's fantasy universe, this Galactic Empire featured sports like bullfighting. Giles Magg's brain cells carried the knowledge and feelings of Duke Neato concerning Neato's father being a matador. Giles had no weapon..... but at his velocity, he didn't need one. Like a jouster, he raced in at just the correct angle; stooping without slowing, he grabbed one of the primate monster's ankles and yanked. The creature spun in a vertical circle and landed on her face. Giles' accelerated senses noted how the monster got right back up.

Nothing's ever easy, he thought. Returning upon his adversary, he grabbed a fistful of hair on the back of her head and tugged her backwards. Feeling how she struggled to get at him, he made his own movements more irregular, keeping her off balance. Then he spun again, executing a crack-the-whip maneuver which ended by dashing her backbone against a treetrunk.

The Wendigo recovered her balance again-- only until Giles lashed out with a large fallen branch, knocking her feet out from under her.

She still was not hurt, but she was _definitely_ dismayed by her own failure to slay her challenger. Precisely because her kind had long enjoyed an unearned advantage over humans, they had never needed to cultivate genuine bravery. Her thought now was: No one takes a risk they can't handle. Whoever this is, he must possess even more power than he has yet shown. Fear of the unknown --perhaps plain cowardice--discouraged her from pressing a counterattack. Instead, after one more time being dumped onto the ground, she recovered, and used some cunning of her own. Ducking into the thickest of nearby tree growth, she made for where trunks were close together. She was right in guessing that even a speedster would need to allow for tightly-grouped obstacles. Not being grabbed again, she continued her escape. She would tell the others about this.

Giles _could_ have overtaken her, if he cared to make the greater effort. But it's better to leave her worried in her uncertainty about just how powerful I am, rather than convince her that I'm >not< that much of a danger to her.

Since Henry knew who Giles was, he wasted no time arguing when Giles lifted him into a fireman's carry. Even loaded with the aviator, the Ashtrayides hero was able to depart the crash site faster than the Wendigo could have pursued. At a rest stop, Giles told Henry: "Toehold must be placed on alert. If you have energy weapons, those will probably be more effective against that thing than projectile guns."
 
Last edited:
On the return trip, Henry assured Giles that no one on Bakwudza had ever seen any beast resembling the monster which had tried to kill the pilot. Coming to the outskirts of Toehold, Giles told everyone they met that a new peril was arising. He also repeated his advice that energy weapons had more chance of stopping the Bigfoot-ish horror. Punchout and his fighters had half a dozen beam weapons, and about as many existed among the settlers.

Sally Porter spun up the subspace radio, hailing Waterpark, Srirachiss, Greedy Crime, Gumwad and other friendly planets. Responses initially were not fully encouraging, saying that friendly Naughtygators were engaged in other duties (as in the case of Haxxadoff helping out in Bazookadar). But non-Jalapeno -dependent starships could and would get started for Bakwudza. Specifically, two Ashtrayides- affiliated ships would get moving. One was a brand-new build, named Resolute Hound, commanded by veteran astronaut Ulysses Bardette, with a handful of Ashtrayides men-at-arms led by Captain Kracknuk.

(I don't _think_ I ever killed off Ulysses; but if I did, I now officially invoke the Retcon Effect, and he's alive.)

The other ship was none other than Selenium Falcon, because it's _way_ past time that Groan Starr and Vixen got some onstage action. Lady Gladiola, Groaner's niece, was their only onboard companion on this flight, since who knew if ship cubage might be needed to evacuate endangered colonists. Resolute Hound, larger than the older craft, also could accommodate some passengers if required.

\ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \ = \

On Vojodren, Hotblood Matron Robjendra clairvoyantly sensed that good guys were hastening to aid the Bakwudzans. Shaking Narzississa awake, she exclaimed, "We need to get Master Dizeeze and his Ironhides moving!"

The Hotblood leader yawned. "Piper only has four new robots finished, but surely five battle-droids plus >us< will be enough."

"Should we recall our sisters who went to the existing settlement to make those people submissive?"

"Yes. We learned that those peasants never were a menace to us."
 
Last edited:
SULLIVAN GRUNGY, NOW CONVERTED TO GOODNESS, received King Preston Truthside's permission to take a wormhole-tube hop to Urth with Rhett "Clean Hornet" McBride. Arriving at Restoration Ranch in Urth's version of Wyoming, they were joined by another ex-villain, Martin "Atomic Scalp" Alpert-- and by space pilot Ululani Atuf, who was madly in love with the now-good-aligned metahuman. Ruby Sutter, wife to Vigilant Cowboy of the Justified League, took Ululani aside for a private conversation, encouraging Ululani to persist. At the same time, Sullivan, Rhett and Martin discussed with Matthew Carver how the Dice-Aract apparently functioned.

As the teenager had found by experimenting, spells cast by this artifact were generated by a process in which all six faces of the cube were eventually touched. To move this segment forward, and to avoid contradicting myself, let me just report quickly that Matthew located all the Sullivan Grungy clones on Urth. Because the ghoulish giant had been killed and regenerated many times, no two of his clones were identical to each other, though the youngest clone did look like the current form of the original Sullivan.

Atomic Scalp found that he and the "real" Sullivan could use the Dice-Aract together, applying the force of both of their conversions to the business of redeeming the clones. In the outcome, there were now FIVE good-aligned Sullivan Grungies alongside the good-aligned Atomic Scalp.

The mystical hero Fateful Doctor soon materialized before them, and said, "The war against evil in the Third Galaxy is far from concluded, though the side of noble virtue has won some important victories. You six ex-evildoers will wield even more power than you might expect, when arrayed on one of the threatened planets, precisely because you have renounced wickedness. Martin Alpert, you are the wisest of the six; you shall be in charge of your heavy-combat unit. I am severely drained by my part in fighting evil magic-users; but before I hibernate to recover, I will cast one more vital enchantment. The Tachyon Loop shuttle normally piloted by Ululani Atuf shall now have independent faster-than-light capability, and Ululani will be able to find where your party needs to go."

All this being carried out, Fateful Doctor was provided with a ranch cabin where he could sleep for the next six or seven weeks. Matthew Carver managed an extra spell with his artifact, which gave Ululani the strength and endurance of seven athletic women.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
On a Third Galaxy world with good-aligned insectoid natives, Bakerstray Bill and Thunder-Master Thorpe were jointly leading Jumpstardean and Hallpasscardean warriors, backed up by several hundred of the natives with repeating gunpowder weapons. The more-advanced offworlders had provided locals with movable deflector-screen generators, enabling them to shoot and then duck. The ones on the ground, that is. Other natives, their species having wings, were airborne, following the also- airborne Captain Rightawrong and Ultraviolet Griffin. The Griffin, in particular, was firing his beams at enemy flying craft which sought to kill the airborne locals.

What all these were fighting against, was the army of an alien species not known in the other galaxies. Each one was shaped like an oversized inner tube from a tire of a gigantic automobile. Arms, legs, openings, and sensory organs were placed all around the living circle. Each of the monsters could carry two infantry-scale weapons, or one piece of light artillery. When Ululani brought her ship down as close as she dared to the battle, she and her companions could see that casualties looked roughly equal between the opposing sides. Martin used his limited flying ability to bail out before their ship landed, becoming the first of the reinforcements to get into the fight.

In accordance with the anatomical changes he had undergone, his armpit jets brought him safely to the ground; then, leaning back, he directed his armpit flames to strike some of the monsters. Meanwhile, after touching down, Ululani emerged wearing high-grade armor and firing a particle-beam rifle at the hostiles. Martin forced a path between struggling warriors to join her. But the five Sullivan Grungies had their attention elsewhere; they sensed that there were magic-powered monsters off in one specific direction. That, in fact, was where Bakerstray Bill and Captain Rightawrong were also heading. An upright-standing monster, as big as three blue whales, was shooting lightning from its ears. This thing was magical...... but so were the Grungies, Prince Bill, Ultraviolet Griffin, and Rightawrong.

Captain Rightawrong, I remind you, has time limits on his near-omnipotence. After staggering the enemy behemoth with a lightning blast, he suddenly disappeared. His power-clock had just run out, and he teleported all the way back to his home planet of Madmaksilon in the SECOND galaxy. There, he would need to remain the mortal man Lodge Flake. Not that this would be so bad for HIM; he would be with his part-alien second cousin and wife Royurbota.

But at the battlefield, the slack had to be taken up. The extra-gigantic monster which was the invaders' biggest gun marched forward; and many of the natives, mistakenly believing that Captain Rightawrong had been destroyed. Now Sullivan Grungy and his kind-of offspring had THEIR moment to shine. Charging all together, they hammered the monster's massive legs with blows which would have shattered giant redwood trees. Bakerstray Bill dive- bombed the super-kaiju with his lightning-conducting spear, doing further damage; the giant monster struck Bill in flight, stunning him, but faltered in his defense against the Frankenstein-ish villains-turned-heroes. Sullivan suddenly began shouting "Long live Truthside! Long live Truthside!" His clones took it up, and they kept at their low-level onslaught.

Meanwhile, Martin Alpert melted a great part of the aggressors' hardware with his nuclear flames. At some points he halted aliens who were trying to detour and get at noncombatant natives, and repelled enemy attempts to seize the Tachyon Loop ship.

The towering monster slew two of the Grungy clones; they would not resume corporeal life, but they would henceforth dwell in The Good Place. Welbymark, the Hallpasscardean healer, was able to treat Bakerstray Bill's injuries. Ululani, between shooting evil aliens, easily carried several wounded natives out of immediate peril. Thorpe, meanwhile, struck the behemoth's head with Stormcracker; the evil creature folded, and the remaining Grungies finished it off.

Losing their top monster, the invaders lost their nerve. A few of the weird innertube-shaped beings fought to the death, but most either fled for their transatmospheric shuttles, or begged for mercy. Captives would be made to reveal everything about their evil planet's capabilities.

When the danger was ended, Ululani's new strength launched her onto Atomic Scalp, deluging him with kisses.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
 
Last edited:
Most of the Revengists, with some other heroes, were defending a world called Jiskadol Seven, whose people were similar to Hobbits, against large toad-like aliens. These invaders, calling themselves the Doffratubu, did not use any atmospheric flying craft once landing on a planet, but could leap high to fire their weapons down onto their intended victims.

The Doffratubu starships approaching the Jiskadol system had been detected by Timekall Bridgekeeper in time for countermeasures. The largest assault location-- a huge population center, yet almost completely lacking defenses of its own-- drew the efforts of "Thing"-variant Paden Glumm, human Green Flashlight Bowsaw, Hallpasscardean warrior Fratbro, Fratbro's metahuman wife Hornette, Bleeder the Vampire Killer with Princess Shurthingy of Wonkabara, and several each of rank-and-file Hallpasscardean and Wonkabaran warriors. Plaque Panther and his wife Carkeeya led all the rest of the Wonkabaran troops in the expedition at another landing site.

Fuss up-siders Only-One and Breathless Kanoli, joined by several Banjolorian warriors not named elsewhere, bolstered the defense of a third landing site. The fourth and last landing was opposed by Crimson Witch, Eyesight and Colonel America. These latter two locations did have native police able to join in the fighting.

The above-mentioned Green Flashlight, a native of Planet Anoxia where She-Wow reigned, had exactly one unceasing role to play at his location: blocking major weapons fire from the invaders, to save Jiskadol civilian lives. Hornette, in her shrunken form, flew unnoticed right into the interior of one of the just-landed alien troopship; there, she destroyed numerous control panels, dooming this ship to stay stranded on-world. Uncaught the whole time, she did the same to another enemy spacecraft. Fratbro and Bleeder slew dozens of invaders with their swords. Shurthingy with her beam weapons, and Paden Glumm with his super-strength, concentrated on disabling the invaders' armored ground vehicles.

Plaque Panther, Queen Carkeeya, and their soldiers didn't bother with hand-to-hand combat. They simply shot the bad guys. As with the Hallpasscardeans, the Wonkabarans took some losses, but those fallen heroes all caught the express elevator to The Good Place.

At the third location, the Fuss-powered couple did much as the Anoxian Green Flashlight was doing: shielding non-combatants from harm wherever possible. The Banjolorians with them used beam weapons and rocket launchers to damage enemy artillery and combat vehicles; this gave the Jiskadol police a fighting chance against now-unsupported Doffratubu infantry.

At the fourth landing site, Crimson Witch clairvoyantly scouted the interior of the biggest enemy troopship; just as it set down, she teleported Colonel America and some of the native police inside it. They wrought enough surprise havoc that this ship was helplessly grounded, then she retrieved them to do the same to another enemy ship. Simultaneously, Eyesight ghosted his way inside a series of enemy tanks, knocking out the crew of each. This front being secured, Colonel America could oversee rounding up the surviving aliens. Then Crimson Witch and Eyesight flew away to aid the Banjolorians and the Wonkabarans respectively.

From his post at the Dentfloss Bridge, Timekall spotted another, smaller fleet of Doffratubu ships invading a planet whose native sapients were essentially reptilian. He sent Hoodunnit and Vastbulk to lead reserve warriors to that planet's rescue; these were joined by Green Flashlight Gramsuli, who had proven available to help out. She was especially suitable to reassure the Yuyazzagog, as they called themselves, because she was a reptile also.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """

I believe I said that Fateful Doctor was forced to hibernate after enormous magical exertions. I therefore decree that Matthew Carver at some point was able to take over, using the Dice-Aract to transport heroes across intergalactic distances.

Another trouble spot was the one close Earth-variant existing in the Third Galaxy. Its history was pretty much like Original Earth; and since the humans here knew other Earth, they just called their world "Earth." In one way, this Earth was terribly deprived: no one there had ever gotten around to inventing fruit smoothies or pizza.

But this Earth had the distinction of being targeted by MAJOR evil space aliens..... resembling the ones in the movie "Independence Day." Accordingly, Matthew allocated BIG guns to that Earth, right from U-r-t-h: Superdude, Superhottie, Stellar Sapphire, Nonwhite Lightning, Black Parakeet, and the speedster Exohern. Gleaming Knight insisted on going too: not that he imagined his artifact-powered wife to be helpless, but he would be disgraced if he failed to join the battle. He left his pegasoid mount behind with Tapper Cossack and Aluminum Banshee, who also would also mind Sir Jasper and Stella's children. The science personnel at Justified League headquarters had made improvements to Gleaming Knight's armor; think early-model Iron Man.

Matthew's will power was tiring. He warned this last planet-saving contingent: "You will need to to STAY on the world you're defending for at least a few extra days before I can retrieve you. After I recover my strength, I'll get Professor Crazier to use his Secret Plotline-Advancing Machine in tandem with my artifact, to see how you're doing."

"We should be all right," Superhottie assured him.
 
Last edited:
I remind the readers that the character of Stella is completely unrelated to the Heart Sapphire Sisterhood. Unlike their forehead gems, her gem was as capable of attacking as a Green Flashlight hand-artifact was. And in common with both Green Flashlights and Heart Sapphires, Stella's quasi-magical jewel was able to transport other people with her on space journeys. When the Dice-Aract deposited the current hero-team just outside the star system of concern, Stella had Sir Jasper, Lightning, Parakeet and Exohern inside the survival sphere she had generated. Matthew Carver's magic had done all the work to this point, so Stella was not at all fatigued.

Expanding her portable environment to include the Tonkrypian cousins, the former villainess enabled a spoken conference. "Corky, Clara, what does your super-vision see in this system?"

The super-cousins gazed in slightly different directions. "There are five REALLY big flying-saucer-type things approaching this Earth from my left," said Superhottie. Superdude added, "Three others like the five, closer to this Earth's moon. Even if they haven't attacked yet, we need to get closer."

"Indeed we must," Jasper declared. "Squire Matthew's good magic is positive that these cosmic voyagers DO INTEND to murder the folk of this Urth-equivalent. Let us fall upon them!"

Black Parakeet spoke up: "Corky, Clara, Stella, you three are the only ones who can operate in vacuum unassisted. If you judge it's possible, you need to drop us off, dirt-side; let us be where we CAN contribute something." Stella nodded and told her: "Yes, I can do that; but first let me use my artifact to create radio contact with major human governments."

Stella got replies from this Earth's United States of America, and from its Russian Federation. Then: "They tell me they have spotted the starships, but they don't know what the extraterrestrials intend. Corky, do you think I should tell them right off?"

"Remember when Twerpseid invaded us," replied Superdude. "There was no chance to pretend he WASN'T attacking."

"But Urth knew it had the Justified League to defend it," observed Superhottie. "THESE humans, according to what Matthew was able to ascertain, have no superheroes, and no technology stronger than Urth has built on its own. Whatever we do, there's likely to be panic before the invaders even fire a shot."

"Then don't stumble around on the planet; strike first!" snapped Jeffrey "Nonwhite Lightning" Pearson. "Board their naughty-word ships before they can light up their naughty- word genocide weapons!"

"But we don't know if the air inside those flying saucers is breathable for us," objected Parakeet, her agitation making her flicker back and forth between her white-girl form and her black-girl form.

"Hearken to me, comrades," the Gleaming Knight interjected. "I am the least powerful of us here, so the most expendable. Peace, my wife, I do not contemplate suicide! But if by any means you can GET ME INSIDE one of the sky vessels, then retrieve me, the Tonkrypians with their superior senses ought to be able to SMELL if I was in breathable air."

To move things along: the super-cousins used their super-sight to detect a portal in the hull of one invader ship, with an air-containing field across the opening like in lots of sci-fi movies. Jasper's new armor could be made airtight, so he could be taken outside his wife's energy-globe without dying. Superhottie carried the knight toward the airlock, while her cousin kept an eye on the ship's weapon emplacements. Holding his breath, Jasper unsealed his armor long enough for alien air to leak in. Then Clara took him back out at super-speed before any of the flat- headed crew-beings could be sure they had seen something in the small-craft bay.

Back inside Stella's portable environment, which Stella had compartmentalized for this purpose, both Tonkrypians smelled Sir Jasper. Superdude then declared, "It's breathable for all of us."

Exohern had been thinking rapidly while this went on. "It only makes sense," he now told the others. "Unless they consider it enough to extract natural resources, the evil aliens wouldn't want to bother annexing a planet where THEY can't live without artificial environments."

Stella called the Other-Earth authorities to whom she had made overtures, then presently told her companions: "They say that the invaders have not replied to any communication attempts."

In the time she took to speak that much, Exohern had formed a potential strategy. "There are eight enemy ships. You Tonkrypians should each cripple one of the five which are closer to this Earth, at opposite flanks of their formation. Stella, while the others of that group are trying to take down Corky and Clara, you carry the rest of us to hit the three behind the Moon. Put Lightning and Parakeet inside one hidden ship; sonic damage and electrical burnouts should have their target in a grand chaos inside three minutes. Drop me alone in another ship; even if I don't wreck many components there, I'll drive them nuts with trying to catch me. Jasper stays with you for the remaining ship; he has a magic shield besides his spacesuit, and his sword can damage any of the aliens' hardware he attacks. For yourself, see if you can safely grab one or two live prisoners: again, compartmented away from Jasper as you and he exit."

Gesturing toward his cousin, Superdude said, "If we don't hear from all of you after you've had time for your parts, one or both of us will come looking for you to make pickup. If any of you is stuck without protection from vacuum, we'll come up with something; maybe stick you inside one of the invaders' life pods."

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
In the Original Earth motion picture "Independence Day," there was VERY LITTLE depiction of the evil aliens communicating in any way, even among themselves. But let us eavesdrop on a conversation between two crew-beings on board the giant flying saucer which was briefly visited by Superhottie and Gleaming Knight........

First Evil Alien: I'm concerned about that flicker on the internal video pickup.

Second Evil Alien: Just a glitch! These pitiful primates don't have anything to match our science.

1st E-A: But remember how our long-range survey showed some top-tier monsters getting destroyed a while back. I can't help thinking that whatever killed those monsters might come after us one day.

2nd E-A: Take it easy. Remember our creed of self-love! We're the mightiest, because WE SAY we are.

1st E-A: Well..... If these bipeds have more power on their side than we suspect--

2nd E-A: No sweat! We have brains too, not only brute strength. We happen to have a plant already on this world.

1st E-A: Do we really? Then what is it, she or he doing?

2nd E-A: He is an actor in their entertainment structure. He gives long-winded speeches in their media, designed BY US to erode the bipeds' understanding of courage and resistance. He is an expert in moral-equivalence reasoning.

1st E-A: Equivalence of what, with what?

2nd E-A: Equivalence of aggressors like us, with intended victims like them. He tells them that both sides of any conflict are always equally guilty, then shades this into making the victims MORE EQUALLY guilty. It has worked on countless inhabited planets. He'll tell people who DIDN'T start a fight, that THEY should "sit down and talk" with whoever is attacking them. And he does this, KNOWING that aggressors like us won't really bother negotiating. Just in case the natives are stronger than we've estimated, his "impartiality" is actually a premeditated plan to put our targets off guard, and HELP US WIN.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
Oddly enough, the simulated human being using deceptive speeches to soften up the humans on Third-Galaxy Earth looked exactly like Peter Capaldi, one of the Original Earth actors who had played the role of Doctor Who.
 
Last edited:
Aboard an alien warship other than the one where the above dialogue took place, the flat-headed equivalent of a commodore began a countdown for the five close-in ships. Though located close together in outer-space terms, they took aim at different parts of Third Galaxy Earth's visible surface. The missiles to be fired were profoundly simple, just kinetic-impact penetrators. A projectile doesn't need any warhead, if it hits the surface of an inhabited world while falling at a speed nearly a third of the speed of light.

With a Tonkrypian reluctance to take ANY life, Superdude and Superhottie both began by smashing external sensor arrays on the two outriding warships. This was upsetting enough to the monsters for starters. It didn't go unanswered; every alien energy weapon which could be brought to bear opened fire on the two cousins. Fury which would have disintegrated a half-kilometer-thick block of diamond could not fail to have SOME effect even on Tonkrypians. Corky and Clara both peeled off, smarting sorely but still combat-capable. Their costumes, of course, were nearly intact, because family- friendly story.

The giant ships, however, had their launches programmed already; the damage to their tracking systems was irrelevant. And the alien crews of the undamaged ships were not so distracted by the attack on two of their vessels as the heroes had hoped. Superdude and Superhottie both used X-ray vision in an attempt to see what was going on inside the ships, even as they broke and shattered more superstructure on the other ships. But they couldn't see through the pressure hulls.

At this point, the Tonkrypians were near the two next-to-center ships of the five, knocking out some of the blaster emplacements which were hurting them. In the very midst of this, their frequency-agile earbuds received an unexpected transmission --from Exohern, inside one of the Moon-orbiting ships. He spoke at HIS speed, but a Tonkrypian brain could process it.

"Captured a data-storage device, cracked its code in eight seconds. Much info, I'll hand it over if I live. Routing my call through the enemy network. They are NOT LANDING until after they send a hypersonic-impact barrage. Leave off fighting the ships, catch their missiles! I disabled their launch computer for THIS ship, but the other ships will shoot at any moment. I can't get out, but don't mind me, save this Earth! I'll take some of these vermin out with me-- then maybe find God's angels matching my thought-speed. GO!"

The other two near-Moon ships had also suffered impairment. Aboard one, Black Parakeet had stunned and deafened many evil aliens, while Nonwhite Lightning destroyed every control station and interior signal relay he encountered. Aboard the other, Stellar Sapphire had shielded Gleaming Knight while he chopped numerous control stations; and when she dared to relax her shielding of her husband for short moments, she had conjured a warhammer from her quasi-magical gem and smashed databanks. They disabled ship's propulsion, as Parakeet and Lightning also did in their case. But only the dying Exohern had eliminated weapon control. When the ships able to launch spat out their mass- destruction kinetic warheads, Jasper shouted to Stella : "Help to stop the catapult bolts! I'll hold out here till you return-- and yes, I shall SLAY as many as I must."

Superdude, Superhottie and Stellar Sapphire frantically shot apart one kinetic projectile after another; but fifteen or more made atmosphere entry. At the precious nick of time, not one but two reinforcing heroes appeared in the exosphere. Fateful Doctor had awakened three hours AFTER this moment, but had pulled off a time-reverse and blinked over to the Third Galaxy.

And he had rounded up Black Admiral to join him. By their added efforts, and thanks to Exohern's warning, ALL of the hypersonic planet-busters were stopped. The fresh and ready Black Admiral, by lightning-blasting more external ship structures, made sure the evil aliens knew they were beaten. Black Parakeet, Nonwhite Lightning and Gleaming Knight were extracted safely, and Exohern's body was recovered.

"His life was short," Fateful Doctor declared, "but he surely made his mark with high honor."

The humans on Third Galaxy Earth were eager to meet their deliverers. Hearing about Exohern's sacrifice, they asked to inter his body on this Earth, with a monument to his heroism. Thousands of captured evil aliens were brought in chains to face an international tribunal. Things didn't look good for them, but they brazened it out with complaints like: "You just hate us for being different!" They fooled no one.

The humanoid who had tried to con the Third Galaxy Earthlings into surrendering was also caught, and was revealed to be a Lazytaxie Face Twister from the Dune-derived storyverse. Unrepentant Naughtygators had dropped him off here as a sort of investment for future evil stuff.

Parakeet, Lightning, Stella and Jasper would be returning home to Urth with Fateful Doctor. Black Admiral volunteered to join the Tonkrypians in further troubleshooting. By means of Jumpstard's own rainbow bridge, Thorpe came to Third Galaxy Earth, accompanied by his wife Lady Sniff, by Lowerkey the good-aligned Loki-variant, and by Vidar Tree-Planter, who could fight as well as tend forests, and who didn't often get a chance to travel out-system. The four Hallpasscardians were equipped with the galaxy-hopping cabin cruiser; and alongside Superdude, Superhottie and Black Admiral, they would head for still another scene of trouble for this galaxy.

As a surprise bonus, these heroes were joined by Equivvalentor, the Dragon of Reasonableness, native to Anoxia and a friend to Queen She-Wow. As was also the case with Sorcery Lass, he would need eventually to return to his place of power, but he could safely contribute several weeks of assistance to superheroes.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Unlike "Thorpe," the name "Vidar" is taken _unaltered_ from Norse mythology. I felt I could do this precisely _because_ Vidar has never become familiar to comicbook readers >as< a comicbook hero.
 
Last edited:
While that extra-strong posse was looking for worthy challenges to tackle---

Orville Borden, advisor to The Revengists, received news from the psychically-gifted African boy Freddy Rubusanu, that Wonkabara had been suddenly annexed by Nagmore of Zakkeldakel. Freddy sensed furthermore that Nagmore believed he could persuade Obskummgree-Warimbizath, the eldritch monster holed up under Argentina, to help him conquer Mediumgard.

When this became known to Sorcery Lass from Castle Greyhair on Planet Alwaysurnia-- currently on the pampas with Golden Gaucho and other heroes-- she said to the shape-shifter Subsoila: "Please dig down far enough to listen more efficiently for underground movement. If Hot Green Scum or whatever starts moving toward the Atlantic, we'll know it's bound for Africa." Half an hour after she assumed her giant-mole form, Subsoila reported that there was underground movement; only it was going westward, to pass under the Andes.

Dolph Bluntgrin, Subsoila's fully-human husband, observed, "Slumping-Hotbath or whatever could still be bound for Africa: maybe crossing under the Pacific and Indian Oceans instead. An immortal fiend probably doesn't care much about haste."

Timekall, the sentry of Hallpasscard, suddenly made a sort of magical cellphone call to Sorcery Lass. "My virtual omniscience confirms Colonel Bluntgrin's theory: Obskummgree-Warimbizath is in fact making for Wonkabara, to form an alliance with Nagmore. Being chaotic evil to Nagmore's lawful evil, Thazibmiraw-Eermmuksbo (I said it backwards just for fun) might back-stab Nagmore at any time; but one thing it will never do is to turn good.

"Now a word for you, Roger Tree Root. Thanks to Sorcery Lass, we have a fair level of good-guy strength on Mediumgard even with so many Hallpasscardeans and Revengists absent. Queen Sprigga will personally lead a company of reserve Hallpasscardean warriors, to meet up with escaped Wonkabarans at a rally point which will be announced by Orville Borden. They will also pick up Colonel America, Bright Window, and Oliver Hackman with his anti-evil- anointed mastiffs Vitamin and Mineral. Therefore, Mister Tree Root, you may return to your own Earth-variant without disgrace. In truth, Jersey Earth doesn't have as many superheroes overall as Mediumgard normally has, so your planet as well as your family will be glad to have you back."

"Conquistador and I will be going with Sorcery Senora also," put in Esteban Mazarino, the Golden Gaucho. To which Notsobadd Bunny responded: "Good, then I can hitch a ride on your stallion."

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
At almost the last minute, Sorcery Lass decided that the expedition to liberate Wonkabara did call for some-- cannon fodder? Well, she wouldn't use that term-- especially since she couldn't ask soldiers to face perils that she shrank from. At the same time, she couldn't ask Mighty Male and Teerifica to leave Alwaysurnia while she herself was absent from there. But she could justify borrowing some fighters from home.

Teerifica's father Dickon Docker, better known as Weapons-Man, was willing to join the adventure. So was the uncommonly athletic female Face Twister who had formerly masqueraded as Teerifica. I can't find if I gave the False Teerifica a new name after her conversion to goodness; but if I did so, I can simply say here that she has acquired a nickname in addition. Accordingly, she will have the nickname "Glad Ruthie." This is in honor of "Mad Ruthie," the woman in Illinois who first taught me how to play Dungeons and Dragons, long ago. Joining these were the nearest thing to cannon fodder in the detachment: seven brave but anonymous men armed with rayguns and swords, under the command of Lieutenant Ordinarius Rankenphyle, a smart and loyal officer. This made an even ten heroes joining the team on Mediumgard; moreover, Dickon and Ordinarius possessed minimally-enchanted swords, i.e. these blades would be able to damage weapon-resistant monsters. (Dolph Bluntgrin had one as well.) Note that Notsobadd Bunny's locking-blade knife also counted as magical, since it had been made by Nawtyfeller, the midget giant from Forgeworld. In sum, Sorcery Lass could offer the oppressed Wonkabarans a substantial boost for their liberation.

Even when having What's-Its-Name to contend with.
 
Last edited:
One of the facts which Timekall the All-Seeing picked up was the fact that Chief Drumwhacku of the Primate Clan, acting as regent for Plaque Panther and Queen Carrkee, had been imprisoned by the mer-people. Anxious not to goad the aggressors into murdering hostages, the forces of good bracketed Wonkabara on the east and west. Queen Sprigga landed in the country just west of Wonkabara, with her own soldiers plus Colonel America, Bright Window, and Oliver Hackman with his magical mastiffs. Crocodarla the sapient reptile joined them, ready to scout rivers if that was indicated. Soldiers of this nation, familiar with Hallpasscardeans, placed themselves at her disposal. The authorities in the nation east of Wonkabara extended similar courtesy to Sorcery Lass, Golden Gaucho, Flappos, Notsobadd Bunny, Dolph, Subsoila, Glad Ruthie, Weapons-Man, Ordinarius, and the anonymous Alwaysurnian fighters.

In the Wonkabaran capital, where hostages were being held to keep the locals quiescent, the sea-king's wife Queen Klappydashima (accent third syllable) gave a speech to a crowd of civilians young and old. Part of it was as follows: "Surface friends, all of you know how foreigners colonized Africa, stealing people's natural resources and oppressing you because you were different. Rejoice now, because we are even more different from you, and we will colonize you so much more efficiently! Our administration will rid you of the meddling Viking types, who prevented the noble Flatnose from bringing change to the Earth....."

Hundreds of miles west of where Klappydashima was blathering, Oliver Hackman turned toward the Queen of Hallpasscard. "Your Majesty, I sense by The Fuss that the alpha female among the invaders is using something very much like down-side mind control."

Sprigga nodded. "Thank you, Sir Oliver, I'll ask Timekall to tune in on her." Four minutes later: "Timekall tells me that she is using her persuasion talent simply to make the Wonkabarans more docile. He doesn't believe that this is leading up to any wanton bloodshed."

Crocodarla reared up on her hind legs. "Your Majesty, wouldn't it be good for me to start intp Wonkabara? So we'll have somebody on the inside who could attempt to hinder any murders by the occupiers?"

"Better yet," interjected Timekall via his magical comms-link, "I can teleport you across the Wonkabaran border, at whatever point offers you the best chance of approaching the capital mostly by swimming. Acting like a conventional crocodile."

Wonkabara being wider than Luxembourg on Original Earth, some time still passed before the Alwaysurnian reptile finished her sneak. The next post commences many hours before Crocodarla found her best place to observe Plaque Panther's occupied capital.
 
Last edited:
Obskummgree-Warimbizath did eventually arrive in subjugated Wonkabara; only, it emerged from the earth, rather than clambering ashore from the water. It at least did not begin devouring its new mer-people associates on sight. It might have attacked them if it had not become aware that there were powerful forces for good on the surface of this Earth-variant. Nagmore, accustomed to influencing sea creatures, did well at mentally communicating with it: better at communicating than at pronouncing its name.

Very far away, lots of light-years, the despicable Ickylinn still was on the obscure moon or asteroid or whatever where she and Tyrone Glass Nielsen dwelt. Because Ickylinn was from the same Filmation-derived sub-reality as Weapons-Man and Sorcery Lass, she intuitively sensed that some of her old enemies were on a world which was also home to an uncommonly impressive evil being.

"Tyrone, darling, wake up! I just got a location-fix on a being that reminds me of 'The Splash' here in the Heyho sub-reality."

"Sounds intriguing, bittersweetie. Can you teleport it over this way?"

"Almost certainly not; it's very far from us, and very powerful in its own right. But that (naughty word) Sorcery Lass is on the same planet. I would be ecstatic if, um, Robscamper Sorebippy were to kill her and Weapons-Man. Your new talent with simulating computer- generated narration might be able to confuse the do-gooders over there, leave them unready to fight an eldritch demon. Could you try it just for me?"

Tyrone concentrated.......

The building in which Drumwhacku had been imprisoned was as cold as a building in a version of equatorial Africa. It almost felt cold. The cold air in the building was like a punch in the gut for Drumwhacku. This was unlike the usual conditions in any part of Africa which was equatorial, and Drumwhacku hated it. He also hated being a prisoner in a building that shouldn't have been cold. The undersea people had arrested him when they struck Wonkabara like a punch to the gut. Now it seemed as if he felt ashamed of not being able to beat Nagmore, who had literally punched him in the gut. It was Nagmore's fist that punched him. Drumwhacku hated losing. At least his captors fed him fish. He ate the fish they gave him.

"Excellent," Ickylinn purred. "Keep on practicing, dear. It would be marvy-poo if you could scramble the heads of this Earth-variant's top heroes when they get back from saving the Third Galaxy."

Half an hour later, the evil genius turned back toward his girlfriend. "From what you've helped me to sense about, um, Popsicle Greasy Bubblebath, it is partly formless like an amoeba, but not so much so that a piece taken from it would grow into a self-sufficient new monster. Nonetheless, if we could sample its living tissue, maybe we could bring that into the Heyho continuum, and offer it to The Friendless for biological warfare development."

The thought of possessing a new resource for murdering innocent beings (in a sub-universe where it wasn't as difficult to kill people as it was in the sub-reality derived from "He-Man" cartoons) rendered Ickylinn the most passionate with Tyrone that she had ever yet been with any man.
 
Last edited:
Drumwhacku remained unaware that a psionic influence was trying to manipulate him as practice for bigger manipulations. He soon had something else to occupy his thoughts. A niece of his who was allowed to bring him food, silently pointed to a certain vegetable on his plate. "Try to enjoy this, Uncle. I'll try to bring you some of it tomorrow also. This might make you feel much better soon."

The girl had brought him a meal containing a special plant, unique to this country, which promoted greater strength and agility.

Nagmore, meanwhile, had made progress in communicating with Obskummgree-Warimbizath. Part of the business was quite straightforward: the King of Zakkeldakel telling the netherworld monster at length about modern technology, both among the mer-people and in surface nations. It turned out that the shapeless eldritch being was about to receive a demonstration. The nation bordering on Wonkabara to the north possessed satellite access.... and the conquest by Nagmore had knocked out the hologram system which had long prevented the Wonkabaran people from being seen by outsiders.

Next morning, without consulting any of the superheroes, that northern country's air force dispatched fighter jets for a precision strike on the monster. The very disruption of Plaque Panther's kingdom left the airspace open to incoming planes. Hundreds of air-to-ground missiles pummeled the fiend, with enough accuracy that no one else, not even other bad guys, was hit. Obskummgree-Warimbizath felt some pain, and was unhappy that it could not reach the jets to retaliate. Nagmore's troops were unaccustomed to facing air strikes, but mass volleys from such guns as they possessed disabled six of the fighters. The pilots were able to bail out unhurt, because comicbook-ish reluctance to depict gratuitous fatalities.

Ridding it of a painful annoyance caused the chaos demon to feel a bit more cordial toward Nagmore's lot.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
Crocodarla was positioned by now at a spot similar to the waterfall setting in Chadwick Boseman's Black Panther movie. After the strafing assault on Obskummgree- Warimbizath, she made a dash through the confusion, toward the improvised jail. A merman warrior was guarding the building, but the good-aligned creature knocked him senseless with a blow of her tail. Though she had no thumbs, she contrived to unbar the door from outside. Many Wonkabarans knew the English language, and that language existed on Alwaysurnia; so Crocodarla was understood by the Primate chieftain and his niece when she roared: "I'm a friend! I'm a magical crocodile, and I've come with others to help you!"

With plotline-convenient timing, Drumwhacku had just been digesting his second serving of the strength-enhancing vegetable. In the air, unrecognized by any of its hearers, the signature music of Popeye the Sailor Man was playing.

Claiming the trident which the guard had been holding, Drumwhacku exclaimed: "Crocodile, please carry my niece out of harm's way! She can tell you the best route!" Wonkabarans were accustomed to fantastic sights, so the niece took a sapient crocodile in stride, and Crocodarla ensured her safety. As for her uncle, he began shouting to every loyal citizen within hearing: "Wonkabara All The Time! Allies are near! Time to rise up and fight!" An instant later, he was engaged in using his captured trident to pierce the left shoulders of outsiders. Every able-bodied man or woman who was close enough to see Drumwhacku scrambled for anything they could use as a weapon.

The Zakkeldakellans were surprised, but they heavily outnumbered all active adversaries in the vicinity. They had the cousin of Kuth-Hula-Hoop on their side, and Obskummgree- Warimbizath was much less cowardly than its Lovecraftian-pastiche relative.

Queen Sprigga by notification from Timekall, and Sorcery-Lass by her own reconnaissance magic, both became aware of the turn in events. Moments later, the powers of the Dentfloss Bridge and of Castle Greyhair transported the two companies of liberators to opposite edges of the Wonkabaran capital.

Drumwhacku charged into a rematch with Nagmore: trident versus trident this time. The Primate Clan leader did better now, doing one wide swing for every four or five lunges. He might even have won with conventional spears; but he had not considered the fact that one fork's tines could interlock with another fork's tines. Nagmore pulled this very move, and threw Drumwhacku sideways off his feet. The African rolled clear of the Zakkeldakellan's attempted killing stab, then regained his feet. The duel resumed, but Nagmore was on the attack now, pressing Drumwhacku back step after step.

All this, however, was distracting the sea-king from issuing orders to his men. They bumped into each other as half tried to form a line against the Alwaysurnians, and the other half tried to form a line against the Hallpasscardians.

Flappos made an attack run over the shapeless demon, firing away with a raygun. This again caused Obskummgree- Warimbizath some distress; but since the winged man was much slower than a jet, a pseudopod extruded by the monster batted him away, to land in the river. The stunned and bruised Alwaysurnian would have drowned, had not some nearby natives fished him out of the water.
 
Last edited:
Dolph and Subsoila Bluntgrin, Weapons-Man, Glad Ruthie, and Ordinarius Rankenphyle with his infantry squad, piled into the Zakkeldakellans in front of them. Seeing the differences between sea-people and Africans helped them to avoid harming friendlies. Sorcery Lass, Notsobadd Bunny and Golden Gaucho headed for where the eldritch monster was randomly trying to catch and devour civilians. Queen Sprigga handed off command of her Hallpasscardean warriors to Colonel America (who kept his wife Bright Window beside him) to engage the invaders from the other side, while Sprigga was joined by Oliver Hackman with his magical mastiffs in going after Obskummgree-Warimbizath.

More than twenty Wonkabarans who had managed to arm themselves joined up with the mostly-Alwaysurnian contingent. A much larger number fell in with the mostly-Hallpasscardean group, who as a type were more familiar to anyone on Mediumgard Earth. Steve "Colonel America" Rusher expertly threw his shield to whack Nagmore in the head just when Drumwhacku was in peril of being slain. As the Colonel retrieved his shield and charged at Nagmore, Masha "Bright Window" Lomonosova shot eighteen Zakkeldakellans in their left shoulders; then, too immediately threatened to be able to reload, she resorted to a pair of telescoping steel batons and started hitting enemies.

Colonel America gave Nagmore a highly respectable fight; but the sea-king was able to leap amazingly high. Doing so, he thrust downward, getting past the shield and seriously wounding Steve's right shoulder. Masha sprang in and struck Nagmore's head; this dizzied him just enough that his return thrust at her only grazed her side. A recovering Drumwhacku then took over, his trident again clanging repeatedly against the merman's weapon. Now he had Nagmore backing up-- until Queen Klappydashima stabbed him in the ribs with a jagged knife made of coral.

Colonel America kicked Klappydashima hard enough to knock her off her feet, and his left arm interposed his shield against a fresh attack by Nagmore. Not a moment too soon, a Hallpasscardean trooper named Stegraseck took over fighting the king of Zakkeldakel. Nagmore's trident had the reach advantage over Stegraseck's massive battleaxe, but the Hallpasscardean was fresher. Klappydashima, on her feet again, went for the axe-wielder with her knife, but he hit her on the forehead with the flat of his axe. Nagmore went berserk, giving the Pseudo-Viking some tense moments; but then, while his axe warded off the trident, he brought his shield swiftly down. Unlike Colonel America's shield, this one was an inverted- teardrop design; its bottom end fractured Nagmore's right foot.

While other Hallpasscardeans covered him, Stegraseck kicked away the sea-king's dropped weapon. "You are a great fighter, water-lord. You would probably have bested me if you had been at full strength. It would be a shame to kill you now, but you are in the wrong. Call on your people to yield!"

Enough Zakkeldakellans could see the royal couple now held at mercy, that a surrender was brought about. Two of the Hallpasscardean soldiers, three Alwaysurnians, and eight Wonkabarans had gone to The Good Place, with many others injured; nineteen of Nagmore's soldiers had gone to The Bad Place, and many survivors needed life-saving surgery.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """
Ordinarius Rankenphyle, a lead-from-the-front sort of good guy, was first to close in on Obskummgree-Warimbizath: at one end of its vast irregular body, when Sorcery Lass had gotten its attention with a large fireball at the other end. Advised that pieces cut out of the fiend's body would not become new monsters, he hacked slabs of stinking flesh from the vile being..... until a new pseudopod formed a hammer-like extremity, which slammed down and pulverized him. But the unnatural creature would not have time to gloat, if it was capable of gloating. Weapons-Man and others opened fire at multiple parts of the stinking, shapeless organism. Oliver Hackman, for the first time in his short career as a Jedi-equivalent, generated Fuss lightning to punish the obscene monster. Subsoila Bluntgrin took on her giant-mole shape, to gouge Obskummgree-Warimbizath with her long claws. Queen Sprigga, Dolph Bluntgrin, Glad Ruthie, Notsobadd Bunny, and Golden Gaucho struck different parts of the fiend with melee weapons, while Conquistador kicked and the mastiffs Vitamin and Mineral sank their fangs in.

The defeat of the Zakkeldakellans freed some Wonkabarans to join in attacking the yucky eldritch thing. Several of these were slain by swift protrusions of the shapeless demon, but Obskum-etcetera had bitten off more than it could chew. Even Crocodarla got in a chomp on the enemy, before she went to find her grounded friend Flappos.

As the ghoulish mega-lump died, something unforeseen occurred. Only Sorcery Lass, knowing who Ickylinn was, perceived any hint of what happened. From a stupendous galactic distance, Ickylinn magically fetched a piece of the dying monster, and secured it as an item which evil aliens in the Heyhoverse might find use for. As will be expanded at a later time, Tyrone Glass Neilsen became intensely fascinated by the sample.

Be that as it might, Wonkabara was liberated.
 
Last edited:
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ HEYHO THREAD RESUMES!!

Doyo Jogtip, the first Yettisquatch to serve as Secretary-General of the United Civilizations, had been stationed as Governor of Stretch (replacing the incompetent Yvette Nidlovu) after completing his U.C. tenure. Doyo's protective detail was headed by a Plethmor Crackshot, Sergeant Shovorzi-802. Shovorzi (not to be confused with Sinchoodi-939, the warrant officer who is assisted by the male-presenting artificial intelligence called Buffalo Brad) had long been acquainted with Johnny-747, and was among those hoping that the story would permit Cortexa to become an actual woman so she could marry the Master Champ.

_Logistics_ is a vital subject for any military force. In this connection, some of the science-loving Bonkalubs who had been given a home on Heyho Earth had accomplished improvements to military transport starships. These ships, henceforth, would enjoy the sort of "segmented outer shell" defense which had enabled human warships to survive longer against enemy plasma barrages. Add to this a sort of afterburner- equivalent for their engines, and even an unescorted cargo ship had a chance to activate overdrive after enduring the first shots by an enemy, getting a long head start on pursuit. The Bonkalubs also designed compact mines which could be dropped behind a fleeing transport, giving pursuers a painful surprise.

With Doyo Jogtip's organizational assistance, a factory for the new defensive technology was established on Stretch. Around the same time, the three-company Marine battalion called Endrunners was assigned to Stretch; from here, they could be sent to any of several combat theaters. Major Gustaf Everett still commanded the battalion: hands-on in the case of its first company. Gustaf's closest male friend, Captain Yung Po-Chao, led the second company. First Lieutenant Laverne Dryden, as an aide to Gustaf, would assume command of First Company if Gustaf were killed, disabled, or forced to assume wider command functions during a campaign, but Po-Chao would then run the battalion as a whole. The newest and smallest Endrunner company, Special Weapons, was led by a new character: Second Lieutenant Taleb El-Moktar, of Central African descent. Taleb had been given this billet at a young age because, before joining the Marines, he had worked from high school onward at a weapons factory on Planet Bigspoke. A notable performer in the new company, who had already mastered the use of Tuning Forks of Death and was expected to rise high in rank, was Private Zulinta George, the daughter of a Navy spacer who had perished in the line of duty.

Hence a conversation between Taleb and the promising youngster:

"Private George, I have no misgivings about your ability to face any adversary. But how ready are you to face _former_ adversaries and refrain from killing them on sight?"

"Sir, I've thought about this. If they have _genuinely_ come over to our side, I'll permit them to prove their good faith by killing or capturing other aliens who _haven't_ seen the light. My greatest problem, where forgiveness is concerned, would involve _humans_ who betray our multiracial society: like Benedict Quisling Iscariot and Backstabbicus Maximus, who sold out to the enemy on Mororlessa while my father's old ship was there, back when the _Introductories_ were our chief enemy."

"So you can work with recently-enlightened Congregation personnel if they join us?"

"Sir, yes sir."

# # # # # # # # #

One day after the Endrunners had gotten well settled in on Stretch, Sergeant Shovorzi-802 had an opportunity to converse with Zulinta George as if they were equals. Shovorzi had heard from 2nd-Lieut. El-Moktar about Zulinta's hatred for traitors.

"May I call you Zulinta? --You have my word as a Crackshot that nothing about this conversation will affect your duty assignments or your annual evaluations. What would you say if I asked you what is the _basis_ for your harsh feelings toward promise-breakers?"

"Sergeant, I consider it self-evident that if you accept an obligation to uphold and protect a particular world or society, this _makes_ you more blameworthy, if unfaithful, than an open enemy who never did pretend to be friendly to that world or society."

" 'Self-evident,' you say. I like that. There are some persons in positions of responsibility who don't recognize _any_ moral obligation as self-evident." The two women spoke together for another ten minutes, but Shovorzi never disclosed the foremost matter which had led her to converse about fundamental right and wrong. Unlike most United Civilizations military servicemembers, Shovorzi was aware that a highly-placed mover-and-shaker, Lieut.-General Amos Judd, believed morality to be only the invention of social majorities.

No Crackshot had ever sacrificed his or her life merely on the basis that an opinion poll would approve of the sacrifice.
 
Last edited:
Tweevor Jibsavi, a female of the demi-human Doladag race, an administrator for science projects, and a sympathizer of the A/I called Cortexa, had set up shop on Stretch. One of her earliest pieces of business on this important world had been building a rapport with a male Skankbelly --they're the ones with sideways- opening mouths-- named Zafnast, who had figured prominently in Highmaster Starterus being able to make peace with humans and human-friendly races. Starterus' affiliation with The Congregation had proven a losing bet, once the Juggernasty named Apishbox led The Varnished to great status among evildoers.

Jacob Mossyhutch, now rejoined by his wife Raquel who came from the Bubblewrap Coalition, came to meet with Tweevor after Jacob's victory over Julep'Drinka, the Sankasselum schemer who had been a tool for Ickylinn and Tyrone. The Mossyhutches first dropped by Zafnast's guest quarters, and congratulated Zafnast's mate on recovering from her injuries which had been caused by The Varnished.

The alien wife suddenly said, "Major Chief, we've learned that humans can make excellent music from their throats."

Raquel nodded. "He sings for me sometimes, when there's any respite for it."

"On my native Earth-variant, when I was at war against the Postalfiends, we took heart from songs. Being able to make music reminded us that we were better than the invaders. The nearest thing we had to the Crackshots mounted sound systems in their powered armor. One time, when some of us were making a forlorn stand at the capital of our America, our Crackshot- equivalents came to the rescue, and their sound systems were playing a traditional cavalry song."

The convalescing female met Zafnast's eyes. "Do you have any objection to the Major Chief demonstrating his throat-music for me?"

"No objection, if it comforts you."

Accordingly, Jacob sang "She Wore A Yellow Ribbon," which had been heard when armored soldiers came to the relief of those who were defending the Lincoln Memorial on Ringjonn Earth. Zafnast's mate enjoyed it so much that she asked to hear more. So Jacob sang "Semper Paratus" (the service song of the U.S. Coast Guard) and the Israeli national anthem, followed by one of the most rousing patriotic songs ever composed on any Earth: "Men of Harlech," the Welsh battle-hymn.

During his brief time in the Heyho sub-reality, Jacob had never felt a deliberately _friendly_ touch from one of the hostile species. But Zafnast's hand on the soldier's right shoulder felt natural now. "Major Chief, you should teach your songs to sapients in this universe."

With a quickness which surprised him, Jacob started imagining new lyrics. Opening lines took shape in his mind: "Men and ladies of the Crackshots, \ Though civilians call us crackpots, \ We will never die by backshots....." Okay, good start.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top