Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

ON THE LIBERATEDPLANET AWKWARDLISP---

The human-like Awkwardlispian Astrographer Vogg Stoob stood with the blue-skinned and -haired woman Tarvili Drifla, and with Tarvili's short but very tough boyfriend, Emangu Kavat from Earth-Whichever's version of Australia. Facing them, wearing a new-style suit of body armor (not powered, nor able to fly) stood Lieutenant Juan Ricosuave of the Starship Grunts. His own Applejackers, and other personnel of the Movable Infantry, were equipped with similar armor now: armor which would actually be able to STOP the claws of Creepycrawlids.

The quality of the new infantry armor had been tested in a convincing manner. Chief Inventor Greensodd, creator of the armor, had been required to wear a suit of it while standing in the line of fire of one of the Starship Grunts' machine guns. When he emerged unscathed, his armor design was accepted as a substantial improvement in personnel protection for the Human Federation Unified Services.

"I'm really grateful to you three for coming along," said Juan. "Your collective diversity of appearance, on top of your diversity of knowledge, and on top of the new technology, will head off anyone doubting that we really visited this world."

"And since Twerpseid in all of his history never invaded your sub-universe," replied Vogg Stoob, "my getting to map your galactic environs will benefit the administration of King Truthside."

Tarvili glanced behind her, at a loose crowd of rank-and-file Awkwardlispians (with at least five separate species represented among them) looking on from a respectful distance. Three or four of them were wearing a new and popular novelty item: T-shirts bearing the likeness of Preston Vincent, now known as King Truthside. The young former War Witch murmured, "If Emangu weren't going on this trip, I wouldn't go either. But since he is going, my going brings a side benefit. Not for me, but for my elder sister." When Juan blinked with incomprehension, she added: "Poor darling Tapidri thinks she has to look after me like a baby-- as if it had been her fault that Granny Rudeness, good riddance , forcibly separated us. I love Tapidri to the next galaxy and back, but she shouldn't have to feel that she's on duty for me all the time. I've got Emangu in my life now; Tapidri deserves the chance to find a good man also."

"As for me," said Emangu, "I'll go down in my tribe's history for our farthest-ranging walkabout ever. To which Tarvili and Astrographer Stoob will be witnesses."

"And if all goes well," Juan replied, "you three will be the first people from OUTSIDE the Human Federation ever to address the Stellar Assembly." (Juan didn't know everything that had happened on Federal Earth in his absence.)
 
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Elsewhere on Awkwardlisp, Doctor Uberkwack, who had become one of Preston Vincent's foremost deputies, was keeping an eye on the planet's number-one inbound platform for dimensional tunnels. With him, besides the usual personnel, was his own love interest: the only female of his own four-armed species to have become a War Witch in living memory. Named Kemptilly, she was very good-looking by the standards of their species; and Uberkwack, though not a warrior, had earned Kemptilly's respect and gratitude by the skill with which he had saved many lives of War Witches and other Awkwardlispian fighters.

A snake-like tecbnician turned from her display panel, darting her triple-pointed tongue toward Uberkwack. "Sir! Incoming tunnel! Indications are for a return transit from the Earth-variant to which the two delegations were sent."

The dimensional tunnel proved to be transferring Doc Slippage and one resident of Urth. The latter was a man as well-muscled as Kirk Slippage, but with a subtly different air about him. One feature of the stranger was not at all subtle: though wearing modern clothing of a rugged outdoorsy nature, he had an impressive hand-and-a-half sword belted at his hip. "Don't be alarmed!" Kirk Slippage exclaimed. "He's with me!"

Stepping off the landing platform as the station crew came out of their building, Sir Jasper the Gleaming Knight-- for this was he-- was able to be understood by everyone present, because plotline-convenient presupposition of excellent means to translate languages.

"Peace be to you all, subjects of the noble King Truthside! I am Sir Jasper of Camelot, born in what you would call primitive times, but lately transported across time to the modern world. Well, to ONE modern world, but manifestly not AS modern as yours. The others whom you sent with Kirk Slippage are safe and well, and are taking counsel with our Justified League."

Kemptilly drew close to the two just-landed men, either of whom would stand at least an even chance against her in a physical fight (though her extra pair of hands would have weighed in her favor). She was aware of Uberkwack approaching alongside her, but her eyes were on the unfamiliar one of the new arrivals. "Greetings. I am Kemptilly, once a slave-soldier, now a free woman thanks to King Truthside and his retinue. If you come in peace, the welcome of all free people meets you. Now, Jasper of Camelot, please do not feel slighted if I speak chiefly to Doctor Slippage, who is already familiar with my world. Doctor, what news of your delegation and of the one that included Nitara Bagram?"

Kirk Slippage walked up to his four-armed friend. "The Justified League of Urth, of which Sir Jasper is a member, is concerned at present with the whereabouts of its two mightiest members: Corky Klint known as Superdude, and his female cousin Clara Klint known as Superhottie."

"Does this mean that the female cousin has powers of flame, like Sushi Strum?"

"No. In common usage on Urth, as is also the case on my own Earth, heat is often used as a metaphor for someone being attractive to the sight."

"I take your meaning. On my native world, references to caustic industrial chemicals carry a similar connotation. But you said that their whereabouts was a concern?"

"Yes. The super-cousins, being able to live in vacuum, were assisting with a major experiment in space travel. But at a time when everything should have been concluded happily, for the space flight was accomplished without any disasters, Superdude and Superhottie decided to journey somewhere else, with a minimum of explanation."

Jasper now insisted on adding something. "Corky Klint's wife Luisa is with child, indeed not very far from her birthing ordeal. It is unlike him to neglect her at such a time. My own bride, Lady Stella, is also in a family way, and my short-term participation in this visit to you is as much time as I am willing to be away from her. Meanwhile, we of the League have been made aware that your second deputation to my world met ANOTHER delegation sent by ANOTHER world."

"Jasper is referring to a world known to Awkwardlispians," Doc Slippage put in. "Highfyver of New Laziness teleported some of his own men to contact Urth, but their purpose in this remains unclear."
 
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Preston "Truthside" Vincent, Dreamtime Chieftain and Roby Doby made it to the wormhole terminal as quickly as they could. Seven members of Preston's Awkwardlispian staff converged on the location at their new king's summons. All three Earthmen liked the Gleaming Knight as soon as they met him, and the Awkwardlispian staffers were duly impressed. Preston had all of them listen to everything Jasper told them about Urth, for in-depth analysis. They made sure to ask about the personalities and powers of all Urthian superheroes. Doc Slippage, an astute observer, was able to contribute more information besides.

No one from the side of good on Earth-Whichever had known anything at all about Tonkrypians before hearing that Awkwardlispians had encountered them on Urth. The more Preston, Roby and Kemptilly heard about Superdude and Superhottie, the more uneasy they felt at the thought that maybe some enemy had been powerful enough to attack and overpower the Tonkrypian cousins when they flew to Planet Senphatori.

"Maybe I should go to Urth now myself," said Preston. "In every respect except flying speed-- not counting my personal wormholes, because those are less flexible than free-motion flying power-- at least within an atmosphere, I am substantially more powerful in combat than both Tonkrypians combined. Urth might need me on-scene, if whoever killed or captured the two cousins tried to move in and catch Urth in a vulnerable state."

"We would certainly be grateful for such mighty upholding as you could offer us," Jasper told him; "but what if such a foe has the same gift as you, for drilling tunnels through the very ether? Perhaps, if such a foe knows of your existence, he would WANT you to come to our aid, so he could flank you and strike THIS world."

"And you have your own baby son to think about," Roby added.

Preston huddled with his available people, Doc Slippage included. After almost twenty minutes, he told Sir Jasper:

"Your logic is sound, Sir Jasper. I will not rule out myself going to help your world against an assault, but your world ISN'T being assaulted yet. On short notice, I'll try to put together enough support for our people on your planet to be worth something. Roby, that will surely include you. Then we'll see if the reinforcements find anything to do."
 
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After Sir Jasper had eaten, slept and eaten again, he and Doc Slippage took a space-tube ride back to the Justified League's chief headquarters, to let that body know that friendly visitors were coming. Present in the building at this time, besides a few non-superpowered staff workers and reporter Jimmy Ulcer, were Zoorama Slippage, Master Kam, Mistress Bao, the de-flamed Atomic Scalp, the newly-inducted Nonwhite Lightning, Black Parakeet who (trying to be attractive to the new hero) was maintaining her African-American exterior vice the blonde white girl she could also be, and a handful of Senphatorians who had come from Senphatori on the Tachyon Loop ship Hope of Urth. All of these came outdoors to see the promised reinforcements arrive, and were joined by thirty or thirty-five ordinary bypassers.

Out of the re-activated wormhole came Roby "Fighting Machine" Doby, in armor; an antler-headed, speed-powered male demi-human mutant from Awkwardlisp named Exohern; and three of the converted War Witches, named Phormidba, Jinzafel and Mezluru. These three were all shaped just like human females, except that Mezluru had dove-gray feathers on her head instead of hair.

Of the Senphatorians present, and of the local bypassers, every unattached male above the age of thirteen wanted to meet these women. Persons of either sex who loved fantasy, wanted to speak with and photograph Exohern.

Martin "Atomic Scalp" Alpert latched onto Fighting Machine. "Colonel Doby, it's an honor to meet you. I want both to hear about your own adventures, and to talk with you about the design of your combat suit. It isn't your people's fault, and it isn't Stony Stork's fault, that your Urth-alternate has only progressed as far as where we were thirty or forty years ago. Based on what was available for him to work with, I can see already that Mister Stork did a magnificent job with his powered-armor concept. But we can help him to improve it-- if, that is, the Awkwardlispians aren't already taking care of that."

Roby beckoned Martin a bit farther away from other hearers. "The tech base on the liberated planet certainly is good enough to improve our armor by generations. The reason Stony and I were as effective against invasion as we were is not because what we had was better than what Twerpseid's army had, but because it was better than what he EXPECTED US to have. So yes, we'll happily accept your boost in practical know-how, and we won't resent you being ahead of us."

It looked odd for a skull-faced man to cock his head like a puzzled dog. "Do you mean to say that your people AREN'T accepting Awkwardlispian upgrades to powered armor?"

"Not for the short term, at least. For purposes of simple NON-powered body armor, we are welcoming Awkwardlispian technology to improve protection for soldiers friendly to us. That sort of thing is easier to quality-check. But Mister Vincent's reign over that planet is too new for Stony to feel safe trusting their tech with his inventions. As far as anyone, even Zoorama, can tell, the majority of Awkwardlispians love and adore Mister Vincent for his mercy and fairness; but it only takes one resentful holdout to sabotage our products."

"That makes sense. But you need to urge Stony Stork to come here. Twerpseid's previous attempt to conquer us left us with abundant captured specimens of advanced hardware. Mister Stork would be given access to it, with no risk of a secret unconverted bad guy pouring sand into his gearbox."
 
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Mike Deep Swimmer, the Shawnee man who was Urth's Green Lantern (yes, the Shawnee Nation existed here, identical with its counterpart on Original Earth), still was on a rest break in southern Illinois, after many strenuous missions. But he was keeping informed about the doings of his comrades in the League. Once he was told the names of all the recent arrivals from Awkwardlisp, his ears pricked up at the name of Jinzafel.

Thirteen minutes later (would have been faster, if Mike had not taken care to avoid hitting any passing airplanes), he was inside the residential section of Justified Hall, meeting the woman Jinzafel. She was the youngest of the three ex-War Witches who had come with Roby Doby. Her first words to him were: "Sir, you look disappointed. Could it be that you knew my aunt, for whom I am named?"

"If you're from Planet Fohesso," Mike replied, "then yes."

She nodded. "I was born on Fohesso, about nineteen of Urth's years ago. But I was kidnapped by the late Granny Rudeness when I was barely old enough to read and write. So I never got to find out if Aunt Jinzafel still was living. King Truthside intends to let me take a space-tunnel trip home, but at present the wormhole facilities are tied up with other business. Do you by any chance know if my aunt still is living?"

"Sorry, it's been a long time for me too. Your planet was one of the very earliest worlds I ever visited on my own as an autonomous Green Flashlight, and it was before you were born. It was a mission of many days' duration. Your Aunt Jinzafel and Uncle Sordank hosted me in their house for most of that time.

"Tell you what. I'm free for another week or so, barring sudden emergencies; and although Corky and Clara still are away, the League still has plenty of muscle available at need. I can fly back to Fohesso, and satisfy my curiosity along with yours. Then I can report any news of interest from there, both to the League and to the Corps."

Jinzafel the Younger lowered her eyes, and the volume of her voice. "Thank you so much, Flashlight Mike. It rarely ever happened in my life as a War Witch, that anyone important went out of their way to do me a good turn."

Thinking to himself, Too bad she's too young for me, but I really would like on my own account to find out how her extended family is, Mike told her, "Glad to be of service. Must keep up my hero credentials, after all. I can be spaceborne shortly after breakfast tomorrow."
 
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>>>> My serial has not moved forward in time as fast as the real world has. My characters have not even reached the end of the year 2020. That's what comes of keeping twelve or fifteen parallel plotlines going simultaneously. Eventually, God sparing us all, I figure to jump everybody forward in time by a year or more, with synopses of intervening events. Well, I might keep ONE plot arc moving uninterrupted across that gap, namely Towerman Ronald of Goliad on Planet Punksteema. That's kind of my favorite, because it owes the least to pre-existing material. But since in real life Easter Sunday will soon be dawning, I will move my intermittent real-world setting as far forward in the time-stream as LAST Easter weekend.

On Original Earth, at his homeless shelter in Chicago, on the vigil of Easter, Father Aquinas was talking to as many of his older guests as were coherent enough to understand him. This is the substance of what he said, editing out many interruptions when Aquinas had to serve someone's immediate needs.........

It is untrue, because over-simplistic, to say that EVERYONE who disbelieves in life after death is "just trying to hide from the fact that he has to face God after dying." No matter how hard some Christians try to make Romans chapter one be the answer to everything, the Apostle Paul DID NOT say there that looking at trees and clouds would prove LIFE AFTER DEATH.

Many unbelievers-- including the skeptical old me, before I found my home in the church -- are so haunted by the fear of NON-EXISTENCE after they die, that they can't even GET AS FAR as being afraid of divine judgment. Such persons-- including me before I came to know Jesus in baptism-- desperately look for any straw to grasp at. Anything that offers even a metaphorical immortality, when Heaven seems like too much to hope for.

This is what was happening near the end of the movie "Mary Poppins Returns." The adult Michael Banks had long been mourning the death of his wife; but only in this near-the-end scene did he have "a huge epiphany." What epiphany, we may ask. Why, nothing less than the GIGANTIC revelation that Michael's deceased love "lived on" in her children, because they inherited some genetic traits from her.

Do you realize just what a big nothing sandwich that is?

If Michael's dead wife did not have any afterlife AS HERSELF, her children carrying her chromosomes would do exactly zero to continue her own conscious personal existence. Besides which, it rings false for the movie to tell us that Michael never thought about child-to-parent resemblance before that scene. Mothers and fathers typically look for similarities between themselves and their babies immediately upon a baby's birth.

Now, it is not wrong to notice bloodline continuity from generation to generation; but the passing of genes to new offspring does not even address the question of spiritual survival for the individual. All of the supposed comfort Michael Banks is depicted as feeling still leaves his actual wife DEAD AND GONE BEYOND RECALL...... unless there is in fact a personal afterlife.

Here's the ACTUAL happy ending: the Bible assures us that yes, there IS personal existence after death. Which requires us now to face the subject of divine judgment-- but that's where the Lord Jesus offers His Word and sacraments for our salvation.

Please don't settle for a nothing sandwich, when the bread of life is offered.

 
We now rejoin the storyline VERY loosely derived from Stephen King's Dark Tower series. This is the storyline which I've set on a type of story-world used by shamelessly inconsistent authors: a world which IS NOT in any way a geographical copy of our Earth, and whose inhabitants have no memory of EMIGRATING FROM any version of Earth-- yet it has features undeniably belonging TO EARTH, such as many first names which are exactly the same as real-world names. As further proof of not being Earth, my steampunk world has a small moon which moves within the planet's atmosphere-- but which doesn't crash into the planet because fantasy.

My counterpart of Mister King's gunslinger-knight, having helped to destroy numerous undead beings on the steppes north of Heskadug and Felruda, is crossing his world's non-oceanic Arctic zone. He and his apprentices aim to see if more of the ghouls-or-whatever are active on the far side of Punksteema. They hope also to uncover more facts about Jaheg-Jorod, the evil immortal who seems to be creating the undead walkers. Wizard Felipe Catalano's party from Gromstark is looking for my gunslinger, while tough-chick Zoralee Jeralo and her animalized brother are trying to overtake Felipe.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Zoralee the detective, and Billyboy the doomrat, were still riding westward in Skagruth Johnston's roomy wagon, pulled by his unflappable camelopards. Skagruth had stayed with them beyond the Valtorkan border. As only a part-time contractor with Sail and Harness Continental Shipping, he enjoyed considerable discretion in his movements; and although he personally had the means to defend against undead walkers, he was glad to assist anyone (here meaning Zoralee) who might help to end the spreading undead plague.

At one evening's campsite, Skagruth did the readers a favor, by asking Zoralee to tell some of her adventures. She obliged the drover as follows:

"When I was thirteen, and my then ten-year-old brother still was human, I decided I deserved to be a princess. I owned a mare my father had given me, so I went riding away in a random direction. I told myself that I was going on a vitally important quest, which no adult could understand. My thrill of self-importance lasted until I got hungry.

"By great good fortune, I came upon an encampment of the Mellow Druids. I had only vaguely heard of them before, but they had a reputation for sheltering persons who were unjustly accused of crimes. They kept me safe, and eventually returned me home. But while I was with them, they spoke about how terribly often authority figures KNOWINGLY arrest and imprison innocent people.

"This encounter had a lot to do with my becoming a private investigator."
 
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~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I remind my readers that, owing to its rotational speed, Planet Punksteema forces the bulk of its hydrosphere to the equator, forming one great ocean all the way around the planet. Gravity from the low-flying moon perpetually tugs at this ocean, so that its current and its prevailing wind uniformly move toward the east. Only close to the north continent of Arcondoyla, and close to the south continent of Wellvernia, can a seagoing vessel NOT be affected by this world-current. Consequently, before the advent of steamships, the only ways a ship could move WESTWARD on the Equatorial Ocean were either closely following one of the coastlines, or tacking repeatedly across the wind with a gradual westerly progression. This impediment for two-way travel was one of the things which precipitated the building of railways on both continents, especially Arcondoyla.

Now to continue story narrative.

A merchant steamship, as modern as any of its type on Punksteema, headed outward from the south-continent country of N'Dazpor, whose people resembled Black Africans on Original Earth. Named Speculation in the N'Dazporhai language, the freighter had its owner on board, a widow over age sixty named Jutmeddu Bishtal. She had steamed to the north continent often enough in the past; but her interest in Arcondoyla had been increased lately, after she had met the wealthy Reslagorian Armando Casador, whose own steamship was called the Clutching Fist.

The high-quality manufactured goods Mister Casador could offer for sale had induced Jutmeddu to allot more attention to the north. She had heard before that Armando actually called his mercantile house The Two Rivers Evil Business Corporation, which apparently was a type of labelling popular in Arcondoyla. But neither she nor any other N'Dazporhai realized that Armando had been secretly testing new naval armaments. One of his tests had badly damaged a vessel belonging to the nation of Tidumo, a trading partner to N'Dazpor.

Riding with Jutmeddu, acting as an impartial commercial representative of the Loi-Tidumo merchant community, was a man named Fidzab Kulut, who usually was a harbormaster. Fidzab, any more than his hostess, had no inkling of Armando's foul play. Least of all did either of them suspect that the evil tycoon (who had gone on his way days before) was a servant of the evil immortal Jaheg-Jorod.
 
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East of the Gulf of Kobason, the combined force of Malgriff Hussars and Sagrum Rangers, under the overall command of Colonel Roger Zaptrim, found an extra job for themselves to do.

Two petty kingdoms, one south of the other, ethnically linked and usually at peace with each other, were both options for them to cross. The north one was called Brishlo, the south one was Brishdar. Lieutenant Varlock Patterson of the Rangers went to speak with border guards of Brishlo, and Hussar Captain John Telbroc did the same at the border of Brishdar.

The fighting men of Malgriff and Sagrum Thanedoms (fighting women too, in the case of the less-populated Sagrum) enjoyed a good reputation far and wide. Both petty kingdoms were prepared to let the soldiers cross; but both had something to report concerning the southern one. The goblin-like Bloody Diggers, who troubled many lands on this planet, recently had shown themselves in Brishdar. Diggers were not immune to conventional weapons, but were powerful enough to damage monsters who DID enjoy weapon-resistance. And something Bloody Diggers WERE immune to..... was reasonable dialogue.

The periodic appearances of these quasi-human predators had long since caused both Brishlons and Brishdarics to put a thick stone foundation under every house, barn and shop, lest Bloody Diggers break into places faster than the people there could be alerted. The Diggers lacked the imagination to look for OPEN spaces to emerge in; they always hoped to catch victims unawares. Thus many of the monsters had been slain after making the effort to penetrate a stone cellar floor; but there were always more of them.

Border posts of both kingdoms possessed telegraphy; so, with only a modest time delay caused by having had to visit border posts more than fifty miles apart, the cavalry officers were able to concoct a plan. The entire Malgriff contingent would enter the threatened kingdom, while Sagrum's token seven-person squad entered the north kingdom. When the Hussars openly confronted the goblinoids, the Rangers under Varlock would combine with Brishlon volunteers in an attempt to flank the monsters from the north.
 
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The company which would join with the Sagrum Rangers was headed by an elderly veteran named Stelshuff Pindu, who was revealed to be learned in science. The highlight of his first conversation with Varlock (using a commerce language they both knew) went like this:

"My father was a deep thinker, and taught me to think with care," said Stelshuk. "Over his military career, he personally slew at least thirty Diggers; but most of his successful kills happened above ground. It was much harder coping with them in their own environment; they have tricks like hiding behind a false wall, then bursting into a supposedly-clear tunnel behind us. Father lost several friends that way. So, years before I was born, he began a long-term project, aimed at creating a means to kill Diggers more effectively inside their tunnels.

"Really large badgers.

"He raised litters of badgers from babyhood: enough of them to breed for larger size and the highest possible intelligence. When I was old enough to understand, I began helping him at this. We taught the badgers to consider human beings as friends, but to HATE Bloody Diggers."

Varlock raised an eyebrow at this point. "I hope you didn't HURT the animals while the smell of Diggers was there to create the desired impression."

"Absolutely not!" Stelshuff assured him. "Not only was my father not a man who would do such a thing, but he was also smart enough to realize that the badgers liking people was more important than them hating the Diggers. If a beast loves its people, it WILL want to defend them against harm. All we did was, on some days, to delay their feeding for a short while; toss a stinking Digger hide into their enclosure, while making nasty noises from outside; then come in, remove the Digger hide, reassure the badgers, and then feed them while talking to them gently.

"By now, my family has raised thirty-six generations of badgers. On several past occasions, we have allowed the good beasts to join in fighting against Bloody Diggers ABOVE ground; but my father always insisted that we must not risk the lives of the faithful creatures UNDER the earth until they were truly ready.

"I am convinced that the present generation of our badgers IS ready to go after those monsters in their tunnels."
 
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Down in Brishdar, three days later, the local authorities had arranged the placement of their Malgriff helpers. Just over half of the Hussars, under Captain Telbroc, were stationed at a village which seemed to stand at the end of a line of Digger appearances. They were on foot, with their horses being kept safe elsewhere, because there was no chance of deceiving Diggers about the sound of horses' hoofs. The Hussars at this location approached their duty station in Dune Fremen style: advancing with footsteps at random intervals.

Meanwhile, west of that village, Colonel Zaptrim was given command of a battalion-size group including many Brishdarics. This was in a wide meadow that seemed well suited to an entrapment plan. Lieutenant Patterson's contingent, with Stelshuk Pindu and his large badgers, was coming down from the north toward them: also on foot, once they drew near the expected scene of action.

Once the badgers were nearby, a number of Brishdaric women-- all volunteers who had living husbands, but no children under the age of eight-- ventured into the meadow, purposely not concealing or disguising their tread. All the women spoke loudly; and some, who had the talent to do so, imitated the voices of children. They were proclaiming "Easy Prey;" but they were not in fact defenseless. Each woman carried a knife, an axe, or a pistol; and more to the point, the badgers were moving right along with them, alert and ready to defend humans.

An eruption by the Bloody Diggers was always lightning-quick; if the accursed things had any magic about them, it consisted in this abnormally swift emergence from the ground. But the badgers possessed super-keen hearing; and EVERY badger got its teeth into a Digger before that goblinoid could even come all the way to the surface. The women had drilled for what came next; concentrating all their weaponry on clearing a path of escape for themselves, they slew two of the monsters and wounded several others. More than half of the women suffered some injury before they got clear, but none of their wounds were fatal or crippling. And a military physician was on hand with antidotes in case of poisoning.

As the women withdrew, the men charged in: Brishlons and Sagrums from the north, Malgriffs and Brishdarics from the east. (But several Brishdaric soldiers remained near the women and the doctor, just in case.) At one suitable place, where no friendlies would be harmed, one Brishlon dropped a crude fire bomb into a tunnel mouth, barbecuing two Diggers before they could emerge. And the badgers went on tearing and ripping goblin flesh.

The team from the north lost four men, one of these being a Sagrum Ranger. The two female Rangers lived, but were both hurt. Lieutenant Patterson went into such a berserk fury as his troops had never seen. He slew six Diggers with his lance before his lance broke; shot seven more (the revolver, plus the heavy one-shot pistol), and had no time to reload; snatched up an axe which had been dropped by a local woman as she escaped, then killed one more Digger and wounded two others before fatigue forced him to pull back. On the east, one Hussar was killed and seven seriously wounded, with four losses among the Brishdarics. Colonel Zaptrim, after slaying one goblinoid with his saber, was clawed by another and had to retreat and get first aid.

But the Bloody Diggers, largely thanks to the badgers, were the obvious losers. Of over eighty Diggers who had surfaced, fewer than a dozen managed to retreat into the tunnels; and some had been slain by badgers underground before they even surfaced. The element of surprise had helped the good beasts greatly: some of them were hurt, but none were killed.

The winners later learned that Captain Telbroc's detachment had coped with a smaller outbreak at their location. The lack of badgers had been unfortunate; three of the Hussars with Telbroc had died; but most of the Diggers there had been slain. And, for the first time in recent years, two of the Diggers at that village had been CAPTURED ALIVE. These foul creatures could not expect to be treated gently; and NO WAY were humans going to accept phony blame-shifting as to who had attacked whom; but communication still might accomplish something.

One thing which had for sure been accomplished was that the kingdoms of Brishlo and Brishdar now held Bamulican soiders in VERY high regard. The wounded Malgriffs and Sagrums would be given the best available care, some in Brishlo and some in Brishdar; and in the near future, talks would be held about Malgfriff and Sagrum both having ambassadors posted in the two small kingdoms. Included in the talks would be the suggestion that, although there had not been any armed strife between Brishlons and Brishdarics for generations, Bamulican diplomats could serve as impartial mediators in case there ever was a major dispute.
 
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Meanwhile, in the chilly north, a column of saddle-deer, including spare mounts and pack beasts, trekked over the open tundra. In order, they were Burzu Yunsh of the Sogmilla tribe, the young man Hedrai (these two had the best knowledge of this environment), Talusek, Otto, Tablanoran war veteran Lester Grath (who had shown up to join them at the last minute) D'Kovo, Ilya, and Ronald on his mount Polarboy. The gunslinger-knight had chosen rearguard position because he had the best instincts for watching his back trail.

One contribution by Lester was his experience at handling Punksteema's counterpart of homing pigeons. These were a sort of ravens, and Lester had three of them. When set loose with a message, they would fly back to a coop in the vicinity of Torin Pell Station in Heskadug. Telegrams could be sent from that station as a relay of any such message.

In the course of the transpolar journey, Burzu, Lester and Ronald took turns relating their past adventures to the young men. The same three men often re-discussed what should be the criteria for sending the homing ravens. This branched off, more than once, into fanciful conversations about whether telegraph lines might ever be laid through the arctic zone.
 
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JERSEY EARTH AGAIN--

The Pacific Ocean nation of Samoa was where Fazlendel, the winged Brabsool from Planet Mumswee, was assigned, with a cricket-like Flashlight named Shimtuku who could speak understandably. Just before they were dispatched from Planet Wawa, Fazlendel had told Shimtuku that he should be first to talk to Jersey Earthlings. The giant cricket's voice could project better than the tentacled bird's voice. More specifically, Fazlendel could give out her form of bird calls with great volume and range, but her vocal apparatus for enunciating actual words was much weaker in volume.

The reason why these two heroes were detailed for a remote island nation was because of who was stranded there. At the time when the Sapphire Sisterhood had invaded this Earth, several dozen top-tier business executives from corporations all over the globe-- including the fake corporations of Communist China, which (exactly as on Original Earth) really were organs of the Party-- had gathered in Samoa. Specifically, on Upolu, one of Samoa's two largest islands. Hoping to pass unnoticed there, they had frantically consulted with each other about whether there was any way they could prevent the Heart Sapphires from dissolving their financial networks.

There hadn't been a way, and they hadn't gone unnoticed. They had been brought to heel by a Sapphire Sister named Lubtifor, who looked very much like a super-attractive Latina woman-- except that if she became upset, her whole body would become transparent, almost invisible. Lubtifor had disabled every means of transportation by which the wealthy men and women could have departed Samoa; and then she had begun lecturing them all about how they should live simply and follow their hearts.

She had brushed aside any explanation that for them, living in a simple fashion WOULDNT BE following their hearts.

The Janitors of the Universe, discovering what Lubtifor was doing on Upolu, had resolved to send a Flashlight team there, because the persons trapped in Samoa would be needed to take part in a reconstruction of Earth society.

Lubtifor turned VERY transparent when she saw two Green Flashlights descending onto what she considered her territory. Her clothes appeared to be standing up by themselves. This looked very odd to Fazlendel and Shimtuku, neither of whom had much experience with invisibility.

 
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It being obvious to Lubtifor that the intoxication of her beauty would gain her nothing with these utterly non-anthropoid aliens, she opted for theatrical effect. Her body remained transparent (which included her internal organs, so no anatomy lesson), but the Sapphire implant on her forehead became visible again, gleaming fiercely.

"How dare you bigoted Fascist-Lights interfere?" (No, she wasn't speaking in English, but just assume that she was using a language in which there could be a word-play similar to "Flash/Fascist.") "We were here first!"

"You and I both know that what you just said is a lie," retorted the noble cricketoid. "This Earth-variant had a native-born Green Flashlight long before any of you Heart Sapphires ever took notice of it."

"There you go, hiding behind crude, linear facts-- just like you intolerant Flashlights! Always binary-set solutions, always heartless objective reality! All of you Fascist-Lights are full of HATE!!!!!" Lubtifor became opaque again, so it could be plainly seen that she was weeping. Only human or near-human men or women could be impressed with a Sapphire Sister's physical beauty as such; but a far wider species-range of thinking species could be made to feel false guilt by the sight and sound of a Heart Sapphire crying.

"All you green-brains ever do is brag about how smart you are, how accurate your stupid, lifeless facts are! Big deal if John Stewmeat was here first in stupid old sequential time. We enlightened Sisters are first in WISDOM, first in LOVE! What does all your mathematical chronology matter, compared to the joy and love we bring in our hearts? Love is a feeling, and we deal in feelings, so we deserve to be this planet's guides!"

 
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A crowd of humans was beginning to coalesce: Native Samoans calm and watchful, and the outside businesspeople simply becoming more agitated and worried than they had already been. Since Shimtuku was handling the argument with Lubtifor, Fazlendel activated her Flashlight's comprehensive wide-field language-translation effect. This could go on by itself, while Fazlendel made herself available to field questions from the onlookers.

"We already knew that thinking creatures existed in other worlds," the eldest of the native women began; "but this fact had little effect on us. Even when the Heart Pearls came--" (the native lady knew no word for "sapphire") "--their actions didn't have much effect on us here, apart from choking the tourist trade. But we never did stake all our prosperity on tourists, and we're glad for that now. So exactly WHAT is going on with those outsiders?"

A nearby Samoan man saw Fazlendel appearing a bit uncertain, and offered clarification:

"When my grandmother says 'outsiders' in this case, she means the business executives. You and the insect can't help being of different races from us, and everything we know about Green Flashlights tells us that you are friends. But those wealthy white, black, brown and Asian people are strange to us WHILE being the same species as us. Do you know why the Heart Pearl woman brought them here?

"We Flashlights ourselves are still trying to figure out the details for your planet," the bird-being told them. "But we know the usual method of the, uh, Heart Pearls. They offer to end war, crime and hatred; and in fairness to them, they do always greatly reduce violence. But their peace always entails the people of a planet becoming dependent on what the Heart Pearls can supply, at least for a long period of time. The businesspeople who came here probably are guilty of many wrong deeds; but the EXISTENCE of merchants who ARE native to your world means an alternative to being passively dependent on the Heart Sisters."
 
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BACK AT THE UNITED NATIONS---

When Trace, Bess and Nolarivu had first walked into the General Assembly chamber, every member of the all-male delegation from Fanatistan had crowded toward them, all shouting that the two women MUST put on burkas immediately.

Nolarivu had put up an energy shield which stopped the barbarians from getting close to them. So the trio had gone about their intention to find sane persons they could speak to. Trace, a man well supplied with emotional maturity, had restrained himself, accepting that Nolarivu had this. As a Heart Sapphire, Nolarivu had soon been invited by Secretary-General Tripleface to address the Assembly herself, so she had delivered some hastily-improvised remarks about mutual understanding between Sapphires and Flashlights.

They had learned that John Stewmeat was currently at a television studio-- one of the few such facilities that the Sapphire Sisters were allowing to stay in operation-- telling the nation more about why the Green Flashlights had converged on Jersey Earth and on its United Nations. From there, John had flown to a succession of spots in New York City, wherever there were crowds that he could address to good purpose. This game of tag had left them unaware of John's whereabouts by day's end, so they found a place to sleep.

In the morning, they found a public feeding station managed by an orange-skinned Sister named Hayakeeba. They waited their turn for a porridge breakfast behind three hundred eighty-four New Yorkers whose livelihoods had ceased to exist because of the Sapphire Sisters. As they were finishing, another nine hundred or so "customers" appeared. Without waiting to be asked, Nolarivu began helping Hayakeeba to conjure up more porridge, and then Bess followed suit.

(If the Sisterhood had not additionally placed stockpiles of conjured-up food in openly-accessible storage places on the various continents, they would never have been able to keep up with the level of food scarcity which they themselves had created by crippling transportation.)

While the three Sapphires were busy feeding the sudden influx, Trace had the sudden feeling that he ought to try using The Fuss. Using it specifically to see if he could locate John. After fifteen minutes of trying, the newly-empowered police captain sensed his friend's presence back at the United Nations. John was talking with several ambassadors with whom he had not yet conferred before now. Trace tried to sense the moment when John's meeting was completed. When he believed the moment had come, Trace willed his Fuss power to let him do the same voice-projection as Master Yoga-Rug had done to communicate with Trace.

There was no mistaking the instant when John became aware of being mentally called.
 
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"John? This is Trace Dickey, thinking at you! There are still MORE extra players in the game. Some friendly alien called Yoga-Rug, from a planet called Toofah-Roff, jumped into my head and gave ME special powers! I'm weaker than you or the Sapphires in energy manipulation, but I'm superior in psionic talent. I haven't tried it yet, but I believe I'm able to compel people to do things against their will. At the very least, to influence them.

"You already know that Bess received the Sapphire powers. She has come up to New York with me. So has Nolarivu. For good or ill, Nolarivu is DESPERATE to see you again. To her credit, she ran interference for Bess when Bess reached out to get you to come back home. We're at Sister Hayakeeba's feeding station right now; the ladies are still helping Hayakeeba to generate more food. Please fly over here if you can."

John had at once been desiring and dreading this moment.

His friend Trace now suddenly possessing Fuss powers made far less impression on John's mind than the fact that Nolarivu still wanted him, longed with all her being to be with him. Their last argument, occurring on a non-Earth planet years ago, had ended with Nolarivu furiously shrieking at him. She had been mechanically repeating the Heart Sapphire talking points. No, the Sisterhood didn't hate men, but it hated linear logic, because logic supposedly stifled compassion. Only feelings mattered-- but at the same time, any feelings that weighed in favor of reason and responsibility didn't count. Individual happiness mattered supremely, but only if it didn't go against a collective consensus.

As a finisher, Nolarivu had managed to come up with a declaration that she hated John for loving her because he valued facts, and facts were equal to hatred, so John supposedly was using hate as a means of loving. Running out of patience, John had retorted:

"If facts are equal to hate, then it IS A FACT that facts are equal to hate. But then this means that facts being hate, IS hate, so you can't SAY that facts are hate without being a hater yourself."

Nolarivu had gone berserk, punching and kicking the man she loved. But her fury could not overrule the fact that John Stewmeat had been a hard-as-nails war veteran before he became a Green Flashlight. Her blows had made no impression on him-- since he did exercise the prudence to block any attack aimed at a place where he could have been hurt. So Nolarivu had yelled that he was a bully for NOT retaliating; that his not giving her the dignity of his hitting her back, was a micro-aggression. Thus had they parted, with Nolarivu still screeching.

In the years from that moment to this, Nolarivu Pamizo had never again thrown a temper tantrum. After she had already done the damage, she had completely rid herself of the bad personality trait which had killed their love. In all this interval, though not daring to hope that she could ever win John back after the way she treated him, she had never allowed herself to get close to any other man, even men of her own race. And when the mission to Jersey Earth had been ordered, she had volunteered for it. Though John had been away at the time, Nolarivu had leaped at the chance to befriend John's friends and do them good turns.

So now those friends were in a position to witness-- whatever sort of reunion was now going to happen.
 
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Zuha Zuzob, the starfish-like Flashlight, was at her assignment in Iceland, whose cold climate didn't bother her, when a peripheral device powered by her Flashlight artifact alerted her. It was programmed to monitor the few surviving media forms on Jersey Earth, and to let her know if any of these began observing any of her fellow Flashlight Corps members. Sure enough, some sort of camera, maybe a leftover traffic-control camera, was looking at John Stewart, the one Flashlight native to this Earth-variant. He was with Trace and Bess Dickey, of whom Zuha knew Bess had become a Sapphire Sister, though not knowing that Trace had just become a Jedi-equivalent.

Standing not far from those three persons were two non-Earthborn Sapphire Sisters. One had orange skin, while the other had dark blue skin and hair. (Those colors were outside of Zuha's optical reach, but her Flashlight prosthesis was able to give her some concept of the color contrast.) The orange one, unfamiliar to Zuha, was talking urgently to the blue one, but the blue one was ignoring her, and had eyes only for John Stewmeat. The blue one had to be Nolarivu Pamizo, the one John had mentioned to the rest of the expedition before they left Wawa.

A moment later, the former prospective life-mate of Jersey Earth's Green Flashlight ran toward him, but paused just outside of embracing range. Zuha's take on the encounter was that Nolarivu wanted urgently to restart her forfeited relationship with John, while John was conflicted. If her species had been into gambling, Zuha would have wagered that John desired Nolarivu as much as she desired him, but that he could not allow her to persuade him away from his duty. And, of course, as a member of the non-violent invasion army which had forcibly conquered Jersey Earth despite not killing anyone (except for painless euthanasia), Nolarivu would feel duty-bound to TRY to turn John aside from his duty.

In the scene Zuha was watching, something gave way. With a cry of, "John! I'm so sorry, I was wrong, forgive me!" Nolarivu flung herself into John's arms; his arms encircled her; they did that peculiar humanoid thing of pressing their combined eating-and-speaking orifices together; and then both of their artifacts went to full dazzle, obscuring the embrace in a nimbus of painfully bright color-shifting radiance. This included the infra-red and radio frequencies, which were visible to the starfishoid. Zuha sensed that something crucial was happening now, something that might change the course of the bloodless but still significant conflict between the two cosmic societies.

At their various locations, Fazlendel, Poradsimu, Gramuli, Chubkripdak, Zaz-Chispa, and the other Flashlights all sensed it. She-Hunk, Unfindable Man and Woman Torch were all told about it by their own Flashlight teammates. SOMETHING was reaching a decision, a turning point.

If Moose Windchime had been present, he would have called this a Shatterplace moment.
 
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The powers of both Sapphires and Flashlights paid little heed to distance and relativity. What was transpiring on an Earth-variant in the Milky Way Galaxy soon was known to King Highfyver on Planet New Laziness, at the other end of the Red Streak Wormhole. The extra-tall Heart Sapphire leader named First-Seven-Notes- of-Stairway-to-Heaven-plus- Two-Coughs, and the other high-seniority Sapphire Sister named Rohavra, who had pale green skin and white hair, had been aware of the Flashlight Corps' countermove on Jersey Earth within half an hour after Flashlight Poradsimu took the podium at Jersey Earth's United Nations. Since the Heart Sapphires on that Earth outnumbered the interlopers by more than twenty to one, Stairway-to-Heaven-cough-cough and Rohavra had at first not been worried,

Highfyver, however, was far older and had seen far more than they. He had said to the two Sapphires, and to Grrrryll of Awkwardlisp who was with them and had received a Sapphire implant; "Call reinforcements. MANY reinforcements. You already know that this is not a fight in the usual sense: more like a debate. But although all of you Sapphire Sisters work from the assumption that .emotion is all that matters, this is your weakness as well as your strength. Nolarivu Pamizo broke off her initial romance with John Stewmeat because she was angry at him for not consenting to be the same as a Sapphire Sister. But she didn't realize that if he had been like herself, she wouldn't have loved him.

"Her attitude was changed in an unexpected way, but an effective way: by being simply friends with another man LIKE John Stewmeat. With that law-enforcement officer as a positive masculine presence, but with no emotional tension, she could experience Trace Dickey's ability to exercise passion AND logic. Seeing this blending of attributes in a man to whom she had no confusing attachment had belatedly enabled her to appreciate the same spiritual success in the man who had loved her."

"So she has become a traitor?" bristled Rohavra.

"Impossible!" snapped Stairway-to-Heaven-cough-cough.

A third Sister named Veblith Timtaf, naturally hairless, one long associated with Rohavra, interjected: "Esteemed Rohavra, let us not become like the haters we hope to correct. If Sister Pamizo recaptures the heart of that Flashlight, he may still come to see things our way."

As of the moment when John and Nola crashed together in a passionate clinch, Stairway-to-Heaven-cough-cough and Rohavra had come to agree fully with Highfyver about reinforcements. Veblith Timtaf was one of thirty-two additional Sisters who had arrived on New Laziness since the call went out. The King of New Laziness was correct that this was not strictly speaking a fight; but with a larger number of Sapphires responding to the emergency, there was more surety that each Sister would help others NOT to lose sight of the cause.

As for Princess Grrrryll, at one point she "casually" reminded Highfyver that a few of the late Granny Rudeness' War Witches had fled Awkwardlisp, not wanting to follow the majority in embracing the side of good. "Perhaps, if we ask them, they can provide added-- insight-- to our side of the dialogue on that Earth."

All of this interchange was again secretly observed, by the uber-stealthy Wispy Mythical. Making a clean getaway, he reported his findings to Barndora, who felt really bad thinking about the implications of the company Highfyver seemed willing to keep.
 
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Wrapped up in their long-postponed embrace, with each one's energy washing over them both, John Stewmeat and Nolarivu Pamizo entered a total-sensory vision, in which they both experienced what each of them experienced.

They saw and heard and felt themselves being formally married, with members of both of their fellowships attending in harmonious accord. They experienced finding the best bio-scientists to help them have healthy, viable children-- which, had they known it, was already getting underway with Snack Salad and Noherra Synthmusica-Salad in a different sub-reality, AND with Hoodunnit the Pensive and Lydia Jawad-Pensive in yet another sub-reality. They raised their children, saw to their education--

And here came the first part of their encounter which was even a little bit like a dispute. It could not and did not stop them from loving and adoring each other and wanting to be inseparable till death did them part. But it shed light on what WAS the dispute.

They foresaw their first child being a girl. They saw her at apparently the age of eight Earth-years, in some kind of classroom. The teacher facing her was a tall man who looked as if he could have been the brother of Stairway-to-Heaven-then-cough-cough. He asked the daughter, "What is the square root of eighty-one?" She replied, "Self-esteem." He said, "Very good. What elements are contained in water?" She replied, "Peace and love." He said, "Excellent! Why does the Moon revolve around our world?" She replied, "Because bridges, not walls." He said, "How can a community prosper?" She replied, "Imagine there's no Heaven." The teacher was ecstatic.

John, as he existed in their virtual future, didn't even have to say, "I told you so." Nolarivu saw and FELT for herself the obviousness of the truth. John's devotion to facts and principles did not for an instant prevent him from feeling love, joy, and other worthy sentiments. Nolarivu's blending of spirits with him left no room for doubt about this. But the Sisterhood's obsession with setting up emotion as its own deity DID prevent them from accepting truth. Whatever lingered of the same stubbornness in her mind, was evaporating in the warmth of John's genuine love for her, and hers for him. Also evaporating was any notion that she was being "oppressed" just because she had apologized to her man for a particular instance in which she had been wrong.

Within moments, all Heart Sapphires currently present anywhere on Jersey Earth, or in orbit above it, felt the same epiphany slamming into them.

The universe contained objective realities, which WERE real whether anyone liked them or not.

Any man or woman, from any species, could accept these realities and work to good effect within them..... WITHOUT being guilty of "hate."
 
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