war of the dwarves and elves!

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Catching the flying slices of toast, we recognize them as having been cut from the loaves of cram which we caused the Menoa Tree to produce. We congratulate the Elves on having been ABLE to cut cram into slices--a feat of strength which, among us, marks a Dwarf-boy's passage to manhood. And we proceed to have breakfast, setting off a slight time-distortion which causes any new Elf attack to happen only AFTER we eat.
 
*crouches in the bushes,waiting*
Oh boy,the Dwarves are finishing breakfast!!!:D *screams*
BAAN-ZAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*dumps soggy,expired lembas on them*
 
Even as thousands of Dwarvish axemen, well armored against arrows, repel the attack, our extra flying beards gather up all the soggy lembas. We have the technology to dry it out and make it fit to eat again, especially for the un-fussy palates and stomachs of Dwarves.



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"Every liberal is in reaction against the previous form of liberalism."
-- Archbishop Fulton Sheen​
 
The baby Elf sues the Dwarves for emotional distress caused by their insinuation that the baby Elf is not a true baby. The baby Elf's case is based on two facts: (1) If the Elf still can spit up, as opposed to chuck up, then it's a baby Elf, and (2) the baby Elf is at least three decades younger than the Dwarves accuse it of being. The judge is the king, Aragorn, who--since his wife is an Elf--rules on the side of the Elves. The baby Elf is re-awarded all the Dwarves' property, including the flying beards, which the baby Elf uses to assault the now property-less Dwarves.
 
I guess this war covers a lot of territory...or maybe he was just called in as an independent consultant...
 
:eek: LOL, I just thought of something; if we technically own the dwarves property it really doesn't mean anything unless we remove the dwarves from the property because they are still in their caves and wearing their beards. (I figured this out because its what the British did to the Americans; the Americans technically owned the land but the British refused to leave it)
So shall we go attack the dwarves or leave well enough alone?

(I just elected myself into the jury :p)
 
Since the Elves are so dumb as to think that Dwarvish flying beards can be made to attack Dwarves (I didn't make the Elves be that foolish, you wrote it), they ARE inevitably caught entirely off guard when the thousands of beards do the following instead:

1) Grab all Elvish arrows out of their quivers and scatter them far and wide.

2) Seize and destroy all documents pertaining to the fraudulent court decision.

3) Find and publish extensive proof that Aragorn's advisors in this case were in the pay of the Elves.

4) Capture the Elves' weaselly lawyers and fling them into Mordor.

5) Give the obnoxious Elf-baby ANOTHER well-deserved spanking.
 
Our arrows are all equipped with homing devices, so when I turn on the special hidden switch they fly back to their bows, taking out a few Dwarf beards on the way.
 
We can spare those few beards; we ALWAYS have more. And if you can imagine actions for Aragorn, so can I--especially since Aragorn's grandmother-in-law had a special place in her heart for a Dwarf.

So, being informed about the corruption of his legal advisors, Aragorn instantly nullifies any and all court findings against the Dwarves, and even awards them a lucrative defense contract for the Gondorian armed forces. He also declares that the Elf-baby DID deserve both spankings.
 
........ me and Fire don't understand what has been going on but Fire is hyper so be very afraid you dwarves, be very afraid indeed........

Fire and I: *shoot catfood at the dwarves*
 
Our nanotechnology soon repairs our eardrums; and our hair and whiskers are fireproofed. We eat the cat food, then sing our latest war song, to the tune of "Anchors Aweigh":


Elves run away, my boys, Elves run away!
Our flying hair destroys their sissy tents each day, day, day, day!
We'll drink their miruvor--eat lembas, too.
Until we win once more, we'll say, O sissy Elves, too bad for you!
 
How exactly did these Dwarves get into the Navy? There's no way they meet the height and weight requirements. *baby Elf eats Dwarves' nanotechnology* (Thought these guys were miners, not rocket scientists, for the love of thunder!)
 
Where is it carved in stone that Dwarves couldn't ADVANCE in scientific knowledge?

Baby Elf, I didn't force you to eat that nanotechnology. Since you did, you have only two choices: either say that you digest it completely and it has NO effect on you, good OR bad; or else....it turns YOU into a Dwarf.
 
Since when do Dwarves get to decide what occurs within an Elf's digestive system?
 
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