Write a note to the person above you II
- Thread starter Sir Benjamin the Lion
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Miss Freckles
New member
Dear Glenburne,
There seems to be no end to the megalomaniacs you let use your account. Do you host some sort of club or association, and if yes, is there an entry fee? How much is it, in what currency, and on a completely unrelated note, where did you deposit my various wallets/traffic cones?
Sincerely,
Freckles
There seems to be no end to the megalomaniacs you let use your account. Do you host some sort of club or association, and if yes, is there an entry fee? How much is it, in what currency, and on a completely unrelated note, where did you deposit my various wallets/traffic cones?
Sincerely,
Freckles
Dear Freckles,
No, I don't rent my account out, and I resent your suggestion. I run a training program for the humility deficient. Texas was just practicing his modesty, weren't you, honey?
I don't know where your traffic cones are now, but I think I saw the Lonely Banana crying in one. He was traumatized because his tears kept running out the bottom.
Sincerely,
Glen
No, I don't rent my account out, and I resent your suggestion. I run a training program for the humility deficient. Texas was just practicing his modesty, weren't you, honey?
I don't know where your traffic cones are now, but I think I saw the Lonely Banana crying in one. He was traumatized because his tears kept running out the bottom.
Sincerely,
Glen
Miss Freckles
New member
Dear Glenburne,
I rephrase: May I join your training program for the humility deficient? I'm incredibly rich and will pay whatever it takes, just as soon as they finish construction on the autobahn, which should be in about 2-3 years. Do you mind tear stains on your Fijian pounds?
Yours hopefully,
Freckles
I rephrase: May I join your training program for the humility deficient? I'm incredibly rich and will pay whatever it takes, just as soon as they finish construction on the autobahn, which should be in about 2-3 years. Do you mind tear stains on your Fijian pounds?
Yours hopefully,
Freckles
Dear Freckles,
Thank you for your application. As we considered your request, we began to see that your problem is not a humility deficiency, but a tendency toward excessive violence. Our program is geared toward people who primarily struggle with narcissism, so we regret to say that we cannot accept you. However, you can apply to the Telmarine Committee on Peacemaking, run by Sopespian, who has sometimes allowed violent offenders to use his account.
Thank you for your understanding.
Sincerely,
Glen's Support Group for the Humility Deficient (GSGFTHD)
Thank you for your application. As we considered your request, we began to see that your problem is not a humility deficiency, but a tendency toward excessive violence. Our program is geared toward people who primarily struggle with narcissism, so we regret to say that we cannot accept you. However, you can apply to the Telmarine Committee on Peacemaking, run by Sopespian, who has sometimes allowed violent offenders to use his account.
Thank you for your understanding.
Sincerely,
Glen's Support Group for the Humility Deficient (GSGFTHD)
Miss Freckles
New member
Glenbunkbed!
How DARE you! I am the BEST at narcissism, you may say I am the MASTER of narcissism, no one can narcissisticate like me! How is this not obvious?!?!?
If you continue to refuse me membership of the GSGFTHD........ pain. Lots of pain.
Infuriatedly,
Freckles, B.N., M.N., nar., BS
How DARE you! I am the BEST at narcissism, you may say I am the MASTER of narcissism, no one can narcissisticate like me! How is this not obvious?!?!?
If you continue to refuse me membership of the GSGFTHD........ pain. Lots of pain.
Infuriatedly,
Freckles, B.N., M.N., nar., BS
Dear Freckles,
You have only proved our point. You have a tendency toward excessive violence. You really should apply to the Telmarine Committee on Peacemaking. They would love to help you, and you really need help.
Sincerely,
Glen's Support Group for the Humility Deficient (GSGFTHD)
You have only proved our point. You have a tendency toward excessive violence. You really should apply to the Telmarine Committee on Peacemaking. They would love to help you, and you really need help.
Sincerely,
Glen's Support Group for the Humility Deficient (GSGFTHD)
Miss Freckles
New member
Dear GSGFTHD,
I'm sorry but I have decided to become a sand pirate. Glenburne encouraged me to yield to my violent inclinations, so if you're going to blame someone, blame her.
The job is perfect for me because I can simultaneously commandeer sand and annoy Poseidon by saying horrible things about his mother. I also have the biggest most awesome ship in the history of Walt Disney and a crew of 20713076839322 creatures who fell out of the car radio when I shook it, and volunteered for the job. I think it's safe to say that I am destined to be the most epically awesome pirate in the history of everything.
Sincerely,
Freckles
I'm sorry but I have decided to become a sand pirate. Glenburne encouraged me to yield to my violent inclinations, so if you're going to blame someone, blame her.
The job is perfect for me because I can simultaneously commandeer sand and annoy Poseidon by saying horrible things about his mother. I also have the biggest most awesome ship in the history of Walt Disney and a crew of 20713076839322 creatures who fell out of the car radio when I shook it, and volunteered for the job. I think it's safe to say that I am destined to be the most epically awesome pirate in the history of everything.
Sincerely,
Freckles
Miss Freckles
New member
Dear Lord Sopespian,
I'm always happy to be persuaded by effective persuasion, peaceful or otherwise. Human nature is happiest in captivity, isn't it? Decision-making is tedious and time-consuming.
Oh yes, sometimes I think it would be nice to be human.
Sincerely,
Freckles
PS. Why do you address me by the name of my hometown? Am I supposed to put up the message on the door of the town hall or something?
I'm always happy to be persuaded by effective persuasion, peaceful or otherwise. Human nature is happiest in captivity, isn't it? Decision-making is tedious and time-consuming.
Oh yes, sometimes I think it would be nice to be human.
Sincerely,
Freckles
PS. Why do you address me by the name of my hometown? Am I supposed to put up the message on the door of the town hall or something?
Miss Freckles
New member
Dear Lord Sopespian,
I knew what the link was before I clicked it.
Now you know.
Perhaps we could put forward a petition to become humans as well as a five-point plan how to achieve this. (It's based on the popular e-book How to Become a Muggle by author wannabemugged.)
I'd give it a shot. How about you? What do you think would be the correct organization to send it to?
Sincerely,
Freckles
I knew what the link was before I clicked it.
Now you know.
Perhaps we could put forward a petition to become humans as well as a five-point plan how to achieve this. (It's based on the popular e-book How to Become a Muggle by author wannabemugged.)
- Donate as many IQ points as it takes to get to a human level. (This way, when species want to join whose IQ is lower than the human average, they can be supplied from this fund.)
- Pick a favorite sports team. (Though not of mugglish origin, Quidditch is also an acceptable choice - humans will think you're funny.)
- Pick fifteen or more serious character flaws and adhere to them religiously. (Reading Jane Austen can help to hone your technique.)
- Memorize and use common human phrases such as, "What is with my hair today?", "I can't even", or, "If you don't have an electric mixer, you can just use flaming passion."
- Memorize the location of your favorite Micronesian island on the map. When people ask where you're from, point to this island and tell them all about your home planet. If they don't nod and smile, accuse them of racism.
I'd give it a shot. How about you? What do you think would be the correct organization to send it to?
Sincerely,
Freckles
Sopespian
Well-known member
Dear Lord Sopespian,
I knew what the link was before I clicked it.
Now you know.
Perhaps we could put forward a petition to become humans as well as a five-point plan how to achieve this. (It's based on the popular e-book How to Become a Muggle by author wannabemugged.)
- Donate as many IQ points as it takes to get to a human level. (This way, when species want to join whose IQ is lower than the human average, they can be supplied from this fund.)
- Pick a favorite sports team. (Though not of mugglish origin, Quidditch is also an acceptable choice - humans will think you're funny.)
- Pick fifteen or more serious character flaws and adhere to them religiously. (Reading Jane Austen can help to hone your technique.)
- Memorize and use common human phrases such as, "What is with my hair today?", "I can't even", or, "If you don't have an electric mixer, you can just use flaming passion."
- Memorize the location of your favorite Micronesian island on the map. When people ask where you're from, point to this island and tell them all about your home planet. If they don't nod and smile, accuse them of racism.
I'd give it a shot. How about you? What do you think would be the correct organization to send it to?
Sincerely,
Freckles
Dearest Freckliferous One,
You'd make a convincing human. However, I seem to have missed part of this conversation and I'm too lazy to look back through the posts. Why do you need to convince anyone that you're human?
Regards,
Sopespian, Lord of Telmar and Ruler of the Bachelor Dwelling
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Miss Freckles
New member
Dear Glenburne & Sopes,
How embarrassing. I thought that Sopes's postscript "Yes, that would be nice," referred to my statement, "Sometimes I think it would be nice to be human." Of course, you placed your answer correctly where I had placed my question about putting something up on the door of the town hall. But my life descends into chaos sometimes and I get things wrong a lot because I'm a deeply flawed human being.
My sincerest apologies,
Freckles
PS. Ruler of the what?
How embarrassing. I thought that Sopes's postscript "Yes, that would be nice," referred to my statement, "Sometimes I think it would be nice to be human." Of course, you placed your answer correctly where I had placed my question about putting something up on the door of the town hall. But my life descends into chaos sometimes and I get things wrong a lot because I'm a deeply flawed human being.
My sincerest apologies,
Freckles
PS. Ruler of the what?
Miss Freckles
New member
Dear Soapy,
What topic would you prefer?
Sincerely,
Freckles
What topic would you prefer?
Sincerely,
Freckles
Dear Freckles,
We could talk about Soapy Smith. Apparently Sopespian is his namesake.
Sincerely,
Glen
We could talk about Soapy Smith. Apparently Sopespian is his namesake.
Sincerely,
Glen
Sopespian
Well-known member
Dear Glen,
As my old New Testament Survey teacher would say, that is a falsity.
I should think my namesake, Sopespian, should be obvious. I am not named after that Soapy scoundrel. I hope that clears things up.
Mike
Dear Freckled One,
I wanna talk about cheese.
Mike
P.S. In response to your much-earlier query which I somehow missed, I'm Ruler of the Bachelor Dwelling; i.e., I'm single and desperate enough to remind people all the time just in case someone who happens to read my words is also available.
Don't you wish you didn't know that, now?
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