Ask a Telmarine!

[Sopespian]

Do Telmarines satirise the Archenlanders and Calormenes?

Calormenes, yes. Archens, no. They're kinda awesome.

 

[GondorGirl]

Do Telmarines often flaunt double-posting rules?

 

[Sopespian]

Do Telmarines often flaunt double-posting rules?

Only as often as GGs do.

 

[CORIN THUNDERFIST II]

What do Telmarines like for breakfast?

And dinner?

And tea?

 

[Sopespian]

What do Telmarines like for breakfast?

And dinner?

And tea?

Bacon.

More Bacon.

Tea.

 

[Glenburne]

Does this bacon ever come from spoiled little boys who turn into pigs when they see Aslan?

 

[Sopespian]

Does this bacon ever come from spoiled little boys who turn into pigs when they see Aslan?

I doubt it. I wonder whether that would technically be considered cannibalism or not...

 

[CORIN THUNDERFIST II]

Were you and Glozelle "spoilt little boys"? Howabout Miraz or Caspian?

 

[Sopespian]

Were you and Glozelle "spoilt little boys"? Howabout Miraz or Caspian?

If we were spoilt little boys, we'd probably be pigs now, too. So no.

 

[CORIN THUNDERFIST II]

In the part of Narnia known as Lantern Waste, there is an actual lamp post, with an actual working lamp.
Have you seen it at all?
How do Telmarines explain this phenomenon?

 

[Sopespian]

In the part of Narnia known as Lantern Waste, there is an actual lamp post, with an actual working lamp.
Have you seen it at all?
How do Telmarines explain this phenomenon?

Yes.
It's really weird. Our best scientists are working on it. Unfortunately, we have no scientists. So we've asked a baker to figure it out. He hasn't figured it out yet, but he makes some great pastries!

 

[CORIN THUNDERFIST II]

No scientists?! What do they teach in Telmarine schools then?

 

[Sopespian]

No scientists?! What do they teach in Telmarine schools then?

Evolution.

 

[GondorGirl]

Are leaders often assassinated in Telmar?

 

[Sopespian]

Are leaders often assassinated in Telmar?

Occasionally, yes.

 

[Glenburne]

Why are they generally assassinated? And is there a handbook to teach Telmarines to assassinate their leaders in an approved fashion?

 

[Sopespian]

Why are they generally assassinated? And is there a handbook to teach Telmarines to assassinate their leaders in an approved fashion?

I can't reveal that information. It's classified.

The best way to kill someone important is to stab him in the back with an arrow while making it look like enemy combatants shot him. However, the Assassination and Jello-making Handbook (budget cuts have forced some odd combinations of handbook topics) recommends poisoning your political enemy.

 

[Glenburne]

Who writes these handbooks? And can I buy that one? I need to...learn to make jello.

 

[Sopespian]

Who writes these handbooks? And can I buy that one? I need to...learn to make jello.

Glozelle writes them. They're sold at your local Radio Shack.

 

[Glenburne]

My local radio shack is closing...does this have anything to do with Miraz's reaction to the handbooks? Can I order them on Amazon? Do you have a full listing of all Glozelle's handbook titles?