Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Roy Rogers took out 6 vampires with 6 shots from his revolver, then paused to reload as he said, "You better hurry! I hear the high schools are giving out free posters of Kristen Stewart and Jennifer Lawrence out to all their football players! And the cheerleaders are getting Edward Cullen and some guy called 'Peta'!"
 
In order to help Xavier, Spock beamed down and linked with Yoda via Mind-meld to boost Xavier's signal strength. The only side effect would be that the young people would temporarily be be speaking in a King james style English.

At that moment Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four contacted CaptaiN America with a very important message that he had to send Grey Eagle .Richards had deduced a way to defat the teen-angst friendly vampires. There was only one man who could help them all. Reed had sent Johnny Storm, Ben Grimm and Sue Storm back in time to fetch.. Brahm Stroker who was none to happy to hear how his literary legacy had been desrtoyed.
 
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Alipang Havens, a man who had benefited by homeschooling as a boy (and who was not intimidated by King James English), took over as principal of one of the vampire-infected high schools. He held a hastily-organized assembly, in which he spoke to the kids about people he knew who GAVE SOMETHING to the world -- instead of TAKING, the way vampires did.

When Bram Stoker arrived in modern times, he stood beside Professor Xavier, so that Xavier could relay his thought: "I wrote my vampire story with the intention of making the reader sympathize WITH THE HUMAN BEINGS who were defending AGAINST the vampire threat!"
 
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A 19 year old homeschooled man (similar to Alipang Havens) named Thomas from the real world showed up, asked Bram Stoker to sign his copy of "Dracula" (the original novel, not one of the films), and after showing off his official replica of "Sting" from "The Hobbit" films and discussing writing fiction with the Victorian author that was Bram Stoker, he suddenly declared with a gasp, "I've gotta go read this book- and finish reading Fellowship of the Ring! Thank you all very very much! Farewell, friends!" and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
 
Mr .Stroker was offeed a weapon, however the act of his literary legacy being robbed by 12th rate hacks left him weary. Brahm Stroker looked out over the vampires. He had already been breifed in their lack of traditional weakneses. "I got it," said Mr .Stroker. "You need an even more pwoerful Holy Relic to desrtoy them."

"Like the Ark of he Cvoenant?" asked Captain America.

"You have that on you, Bats?" asked Superman.

"No room in the uiltiy belt for that, "growled Batman.

"Already ahead of you," said Indiana Jones as he raced in his truck to the military base where the Ark was held.
 
While this was going on, Grey Eagle pulled off a diversion to buy time. Since his fire-starting power could work at a distance, he caused several of the vampires FARTHEST AWAY to burst into flames. This caused the vampire army (with its Uruk-Hai allies) to turn around, thinking there was an attack from the rear.
 
But there WAS an attack from the rear, and from the front, as Aragorn and all of the Dunedain rangers fired the arrows from both sides, then charged in with their swords and hacked away at the vampires and uruks.
 
Meanwhile, Alipang Havens was fielding questions from teens at his assembly. One boy asked, "But how can I be sexy if I can't pretend to be a vampire?"

"Young man," Alipang replied, "you aren't even asking the right QUESTION. What you should be asking is whether 'being sexy' EVEN IS the true goal in life." The Escrima warrior went on to talk about everything that goes into the making of a well-rounded adult personality.
 
Fili and Kili from The Hobbit films came to the school to hear Alipang's lecture (they wanted a break from vampire-slaying). It didn't take long for the dwarves to become aware of the fact that many teenage girls in the room were making eyes at both of them, making them feel very awkward. Pretty soon, one girl (who had obviously tried to make herself look like Katniss Everdeen and was also over two feet taller than the dwarfs) blurted out, "I'm lookin' at living proof that you don't have to be a vampire to be sexy!"
Fili and Kili looked at each other with raised eyebrows, back at the class (which was entirely focused on them now), then bolted out of the school with all the girls chasing after them shouting things like, "I LOVE YOU, KILI!" and "MARRY ME, FILI!"
All the while during this run, the two dwarves felt really bad for damaging Alipang's lecture.
 
"it's clobbering time!" declared Ben Grimm AKA the Thing as he and Johnny Storm joined Greay Eagle. Batman and Robin pulled up in the Batmobile and used the car's exhaust port to incinerate a few more vampires.
 
Sir Tom the Dragon Knight said:
It didn't take long for the dwarves to become aware of the fact that many teenage girls in the room were making eyes at both of them, making them feel very awkward. Pretty soon, one girl (who had obviously tried to make herself look like Katniss Everdeen and was also over two feet taller than the dwarfs) blurted out, "I'm lookin' at living proof that you don't have to be a vampire to be sexy!"
Fili and Kili looked at each other with raised eyebrows, back at the class (which was entirely focused on them now), then bolted out of the school with all the girls chasing after them shouting things like, "I LOVE YOU, KILI!" and "MARRY ME, FILI!"
All the while during this run, the two dwarves felt really bad for damaging Alipang's lecture.
Click to expand...


Alipang wasn't upset; he was glad to see girls turning their attention to males who were as near as no matter to being human.

Meanwhile, Grey Eagle called out, "Hey, is the Ark of the you-know-what ready yet?"
 
"Almost, "replied Indiana Jones.

He had been quite glad that James Bond, Captain America, Hawkeye from Avengers, and Black Widow had come with him as they now faced the daunting task of government bueracracy. Spider-Man came with too, but more for the fun of it.
He wished he had stayed back at the battle as now the government beuracrats were going to make them fill out seventeen forms of release in triplicate, but Black Widow said,
"We don't have time for this" and called in Nick Fury as his SHIELD Security Clearance overroad any beuracracy.
However that wasn't enough to push aside the one person guarding the ark... Alan Alda's Hawkeye Pierce from MASH.
 
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Hawkeye Pierce began lecturing the heroes about the futility of war, and about how both sides were always equally wrong in any conflict... until James Bond punched him out.
 
Then as he came to, Indy, Spidey, Bond and Avengers Hawkeye headed into the wherehosue while Black Widow and Cap kept watch over Hawkeye Pierce to make sure he didn't pull an alarm. This mission was to important. In roder to disrtact him, aside from using her other, ahem assets, Natasha told him of her childhood behind the Iron Curtain.
"I was ripped away from my family when I was 8. Anything before that was erased. They tortured me and brainwashed me into being a soldier for the KGB."
"Sounds like what they did to old Glory Boy," said Hawkeye Pierce, pointing at Cap.
"He was 18," said Black Widow. "He was able to choose. I didn't. The only reason I made it was because I wanted to live."
"That's what they want you to think," siad Hawkeye Pierce." They experimented on you. They experimented on him . It's all the same. Howard Stark, I mean c'mon the guyw as a greedy Babykilling war profiteer. You know that Erskine guy...."
Captain America was all about free speach and the US Constituion. However he couldn't sit for this guy bad mouthing Erskine or Hwoard Stark .he took his Sheildadn bashed Pierce in the head knocking him out for the rest of the RPG. At that point they looked and Saw Indy, Bond, SPidey and Avengers Hawkeye wheeling the Ark out in a cart. They quickly loaded it up and raced out.
"Tell Grey Eagle to talk to Odysseus," said Indy. "See if he can't figrue out a way to get the Ark to the vamps."
 
Lion-Guy gave another spiritual roar, again dismaying the evil forces, which made it easier for Grey Eagle to withdraw from direct combat. Finding the mythical Greek hero, Grey Eagle held a hasty conference. Borrowing Wolverine to cut wood with his adamantium claws, Grey Eagle followed Odysseus' directions and, with his telekinesis, built an oversized wooden statue of an air-headed teenage girl. "The blood-drinkers will imagine that this must be a maiden of extraordinary stupidity, whom they may delight in deceiving into worshiping them," Odysseus explained. "The Ark of the One Who is greater than Zeus can be brought up inside the statue."

Grey Eagle dubbed their creation the Trojan Teenybopper.
 
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The dwarves with their skill in craftsmanship helped to fashion the Tojan Teenybopper so it looked so lifelike ( or as lifelike as a brain dead teeanger can look) that it could fool anyone.

However they had to tell Gimli to leave when he said it should, "bare the likness of Lady Galadriel, for she defines all that is good and beautiful and worth fighting for in this world. For she is more raidant then all the gold and jewels in the mines of Moria and the halls of Erebor

Not only did he have to be asked to leave because his words angered Thorin, but the goal was to make it look like a typical brain dead teeanger not a being worth honoring.
 
Having played his part in constructing the Trojan Teenybopper -- and having congratulated Indiana Jones on FINALLY marrying the Karen Allen character in the final I.J. movie -- Grey Eagle went with Lion-Guy to reinforce King Arthur and his knights at their sector of the battlefront.
 
The truck with the Ark arrived and the Ark was loaded into the Trojan Teenybopper. Now the problem became pulling back the ranks of hereos so they didn't look when the Ark was opened. Under the advice of Odysseus they would fake a retreat to lull the Vampries into a false sense of security and over confidence. Mnay of the heroes were ucnertain about doing this, especially sicne it violated the Geneva Convention.
Spock informed them," Under normal circumstances I'd be inclined to agree with you. However, we must abre in mind that not only is our army made up of characters from a veriety of worlds where the Geneva Convention does not apply, but our enemeis are haords of the undead. Logically, ordinary rules of combat do not apply in this circumstance."
At the mention of the word Logic, Professor Kirke smiled and said ,"I like that guy!"
 
King Arthur welcomed Grey Eagle and Lion-Guy warmly, then asked, "So, how will we get them to open the Ark?" After he said this, a vampire rushed in on him with a machete, which Arthur side-stepped and then slashed the head off of.
 
Odysseus walked up and said ,"We do what the gods did to Pandora .We play to theri curiosity and tell them not to pen the box. it's the oldest trick in the book but it works the best."

They wheeled the Trojan Teenybopper into position and udner the telepathic urging of Xavier the heroes began to retreat. The vampries stopped and satred up at the Trojan Teenybopper. One of them who ahd botehred to read the Odyssey opened the lid, just to be sure no hereos were inside. What he saw isnide was the Ark with a not attached to the polls for carrying it reading, "Do not open untill Christmas. Seriously."
Foru vampries carried the Ark out of the Trojan teenybopper.

"What's in the box!" yelled one. "What's in the box .What's in the booooooox"

"It's shiny, said another,"Like us."

"We should open it, "said a third..."

"But the note says don't open untill Christmas, "said another.

A forth vampire ripped the note off and remvoed the lid from the Ark....

"Everybody!" yeleld Professor Xavier telepathically. "Close your eyes!"

At that everyone on the side of the heroes began to close their eyes ( Godzilla and KIng Kong were nice enough to cover T-Rex's eyes for him.)

The last thing one of the vampires said was.."Oh, crud..."
 
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