Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Pippin the drummer boy also wanted to help beat back the alien invasion but was annoyed when someone told him he had to take off the Dorothy outfit first, or put a cape over it in order to appear a bit more heroic. He refused to do either because he was planning to audition for the role of Dorothy as soon as the aliens had their alieny booty kicked.
 
When some serious superheroes began showing up to combat this latest evil menace, the space aliens decided they'd better use a tactic which they knew had often succeeded among humans: shouting at the heroes, "If you try to stop us from murdering people, you'll be RACISTS!!"
 
At that Superman, Supergirl, Martian Manhunter, Silver Surfer, Hawkman, and Hawkgirl responded, "Um, we're aliens." Marvel's Thor said ," Forsooth, I am also an alien. Yet, verily I say, that because of the sufficiently advanced technology of my people, we were thusly perceived as gods, by the ancient Vikings."

Green Lantern said, "Some of my best friends are aliens."

Aquaman and Namor said, "We're Atlanteans."

Yoda said, "What race I am, I know not. Muppet, I think I am."

Professor Xavier simply said to the aliens, "I am a mutant, as are my students. I should also mention that you are trying to wipe out humans .Doesn't that make you a racist? Our actions are merely in self defense of a race that most of us are not part of."
 
The evil invading aliens mumbled awkwardly for a moment, then gathered their chutzpah and shouted, "Then you're evil greedy capitalists! You're selfishly exploiting the masses of proletarians who read your comic books!"
 
Black Widow let out a snort of derision and said, "Umm, I was raised in the Soviet Union. You know, Communism. Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Unless you think forcibly taking a young girl from her home, erasing her memories, giving her new ones, and training her to be a killing machine is a good thing."

Batman said," I've taken in orphans, and started up scholarship funds. I've also given millions to doctor's office near the alley where my parents were killed."

Iron Man said, " I've fought to make my company more accountable to insure that weapons I designed to protect American soldiers didn't fall into enemy hands, and I've invested millions in a clean energy source. By restarting up the Stark Expo I've employed hundreds."


"And speaking of exploitation," said Captain America." Isn't your plan after destroying civilization to enslave humanity's survivors? Slavery is not a good thing."


Spider-Man said, "Hey, I recognize you aliens. You were in Independence Day!You know a movie, something that costs money to make, and the "proletariat masses" pay money to see."
 
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One invader muttered to another: "These Earthlings are getting smarter. Next thing you know, they'll be saying we DON'T have a right to force private voluntary organizations like the Boy Scouts to obey OUR agenda!"
 
Some of America's politicians wanted to welcome the racitist, anti-capitalist aliens to Earth by inviting them to dinner at the White House, (approved by the president, of course) and thank them for helping create the "New America". A country in which all people are terrified to offend each other and cannot say one negative word about someone else's skin color without being sued to Kingdom Come.
 
Several ambulance-chasing trial lawyers were spying on The Dancing Lawn, looking for chances to become famous by suing fantasy characters. When they saw a reference to lawsuits in the Attention-Deficit Roleplay, they jumped in and offered to bring a lawsuit FOR every character AGAINST some other one.
 
The Twilight characters, who had been hurt, maimed, injured and killed in every way imaginable ( including thrown into industrial strength Pizza ovens by Thorin and Co) were all to happy to get in on some of that action ( except Bella's father who was overjoyed no longer be worthless).

Thinking quickly, Captain Picard and Professor Xavier called upon a favor from ! and Uatu the Watcher and had them fashion an alternate earth on which they placed the lawyers, politicians and the never dying Twilight characters.
Once this process was finished, Darth Vader blew up the alternate Earth with the Death Star, mumbling something about being glad to be free of the lawyers as he had faced several class action lawsuits or "terminating" incompetent Imperial Officers.

Meanwhile Captain America and Superman were still explaining to the alien invaders how for the most, while they may be owned by major corporations, most of the sales of their comic books came from independent, locally owned, mom-and-pop comic book stores, aka small business.
"So you see," said Captain America. " The big business characters like us, help the small business stores."
 
One of the alien invaders decided to come over to the side of good, and start a small business of his own. So the still-evil ones all called him an "Uncle Human."
 
The alien opened his own restaurant that specifically catered to extra-terrestrials including Klingons, Vulcans, Wookies, Kryptonians, every flavor of Martian and every other alien race.
 
The first problem to arise with this restaurant had to do with some of the races eating LIVE animals. The restaurant owner had to figure out which creatures in the place WERE intelligent beings, and which were food.
 
To say nothing of the problems with the health department. However as the alien could claim that this was "ethnic" food, they looked the other way.
 
Meanwhile, in the universe of "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland," the White and Red Chess Queens got tired of having only each other to play chess against. So, aware that many or even most chess sets have black pieces instead of red ones, they recruited a lady to become the Black Chess Queen and build her own chess army.

But three players for a two-sided game is awkward. So the two older Chess Queens and the one new one sat down to decide what color to use for a fourth chess army.
 
They decided that since older chess sets were made of wood, they would have the fourth queen be a "Burnt Sienna" color.
 
Charles Dodgson, alias Lewis Carroll, had been a math teacher before he wrote about Alice. Now, accordingly, he stepped into his own story-universe, grabbing the opportunity to give a small mathematics lesson:

"When you have four units and are trying to arrange pairs, the number of possible pairs that can be created is six. Thus, in a chess tournament among these four Chess Kingdoms, you could have:

White vs Black.
White vs Red.
White vs Sienna.
Black vs Red.
Black vs Sienna.
Red vs Sienna."
 
The discussions became arguments, which turned into classic rolling-around-on-the-ground catfights; and these ALSO switched opponents in all six possible pairings as Mr. Dodgson had explained.
 
In order to fully play a game of chess the four kingdoms invited four outsiders to help coordinate the game.
They were chosen by bases of their intelligence, quick thinking, , an ability to see every possible outcome and a perchant for logic and deductive reasoning.

Black chose Spock from Star Trek
White chose Sherlock Holmes
Red chose Dr. Who

However because the Burnt Sienna Queen decided to throw caution to the wind and invited the Mad Hatter.
 
The four geeky-male-scientist characters from "Big Bang Theory" were miffed at not being invited. But Phineas and Ferb, who were much smarter than they were, told them to grow up and get over it.
 
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