Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

When they sang the words "The Professor and Marianne," they found themselves joined suddenly by Professor Kirke from "Lion/Witch/Wardrobe," and Marianne Dashwood from Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility."
 
Unbeknownst to many of them, Professor Kirke was actual an excellent accordion player, which added something to the proceedings.
 
But his friend Polly Plummer showed up to console him for the harsh treatment, and said: "You know what, Digory? I've been thinking. Mister Lewis wrote our adventures _before_ he discovered romantic love for himself. Back then, for whatever reason, he was so _far_ removed from commonplace human sentiments in this regard, that he made it seem in his stories as if _anyone_ feeling romantic desires were an _exception_ to the rule."

"You know, you're right!" replied the Professor. "There was actually NO reason on God's earth why you and I _shouldn't_ have been able to proceed from friendship to marital love. We were cheated!"

Mister Lewis dropped down from Heaven to confess, "I'm terribly sorry, Digory and Polly. You're right: I _didn't_ have any need to have left you both celibate for life. No necessary spiritual purpose was served by it; I was only reflecting my own distaste -- at _that_ time -- for romantic love. But the good news is that, since you two are fictional characters, it IS possible to fix this."

Accordingly, Mister Lewis wrote a "private special edition" of "The Magician's Nephew," in which Digory and Polly got married the very minute they were old enough, and enjoyed a _very_ long and _entirely_ satisfying married life.... without spoiling or cancelling out _anything_ about their friendship.
 
But not all was 100% happy in their romance, as nothing ever is in life. Shortly after their wedding, World War I broke out and Digory was called into military service.
 
In a really weird, surrealistic twist, Digory, who had become a fighter pilot, ended up strafing a German infantry force that was about to overrun a British position. The attack was broken up; and one of the British infantrymen who were probably saved from death was -- C.S. Lewis himself as a young man!
 
Not long after this, he helped provide cover for a unit bombarded by mustard gas, one of the soldiers was JRR Tolkien.
 
The reason why Arthur's witchy sister was angry at him was because she felt that all her fans were having their intelligence insulted. "Everyone in our era already knows," she screamed, "that M-O-R-G-A-N, the short version of M-O-R-R-I-G-A-N, is already a FEMALE name, without needing an A tacked on at the end! You're dumbing down the knowledge of medieval lore!"
 
And because no one has posted on this thread in several days, I rigged up enough explosions to send this story to Kingdom Come. *Presses button in 3... 2... 1...*


*BOOM!!!*

At this point in time Lucy doesn't even try to go into the wardrobe because she's pretty sure that it's locked.
 
The explosion blasts Morgan le Fey into many pieces. The falling pieces turn into various other Morgans, including MALE Morgans like Morgan Freeman and Piers Morgan.
 
Some of the other blasts were stopped as Magyver showed up and deactivated the bombs with a Popsicle stick, some used dental floss he got off the 10th Dentist, some belly button lint, and a penny.
 
And he did it without using a single blade or tool on the knife. Arthur was so impressed with his skill that he knighted him "Sir McGyver the Resourceful" and made him a knight of the Round Table.
 
Sir McGyver's next service to King Arthur was to create a special anti-catapult, which would hurl BACK any cows flung at Arthur's knights by snobbish French knights in castles.
 
It was constructed with a spork from an elementary school cafeteria, some twine, a package of AAA batteries, a Tonka Truck, and some Lincoln Logs.
 
Meanwhile, one of the writers for "Xena, Warrior Princess" blundered into the universe of Jane Austen. Finding Elinor Dashwood sorrowing over the apparent ownership Lucy Steele had over Edward Ferrars, the writer told her, "Don't take this lying down! Here, I'll change both you and Lucy Steele into super-duper girl-power Amazons; then you can spend the next five hours swordfighting, hurling twenty-ton boulders at each other, and so on."
 
Back
Top