Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Sven-El said:
Wolverine nodded and said, "I know what ya mean. Most people just see me as an angry feral animal. But really because I was essentially abused, tortured and forced to do awful things by my superiors, I'm more like a rescue dog. With some time, patience and tender loving care, I've actually become an invaluable team member."
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"Sounds good," said the lesser-known but valiant superhero known as Lion-Guy. "But for purposes of the possible new war now impending, I hope that you can postpone the reality of that new movie having you LOSE your near-indestructibility!"
 
The prophet Elijah descended from Heaven just then. "That depends on WHERE you get to SPEND eternity," he told the heroes, then flew back up to Heaven.
 
A severed head came hopping up to them. "Hello, I'm the head of Conor McLeod, the Highlander. I got sick of earthly immortality myself, so I _begged_ my cousin Duncan to behead me."
 
Just then, Thomas MacGregor the highlander (my renaissance fair character) walked up in his ancient kilt with a claymore slung across his back. Blue war paint streaked his mostly bare arms and chest. He looked quite feral, actually. "I've gotten used to immortality, myself. I've been walking this earth for the past millennia, and though I get tired of feeling like a fish out of water, or more literally, a man of the past stuck in the future, I find consolation by reverting back to wearing these old clothes (or I suppose you could call it almost a lack thereof) you see me in before you now. And yes, I usually cover up a lot more."
 
Shirley Temple, as she was at age seven, turned up and remarked, "You can also get plenty of attention precisely by being vulnerable. Vulnerability gives OTHERS the chance to show that THEY can be compassionate."
 
As soon as the word "attention" was uttered, the Kardashian sisters came running to crash the heroes' meeting, hoping for a photo-op.
 
-Until a bunch of teenage girls showed up solely for the purpose of photographing the heroes and begging them to take their shirts off. None of the heroes obliged the girls. Then they noticed the already shirtless MacGregor and began drooling ravenously as they snapped photo after photo while the warrior tried to find something to hide behind. It really became too much when they started to insist on posing with him in a picture, which led to MacGregor running for his life and swinging his claymore as a mock threat. OF COURSE the girls only found this behavior even more attractive, thus making them even harder to escape from. Finally MacGregor screamed at the top of his lungs, threw his sword into the air, caught it, and then began slashing the ground all around him in some sort of primal tantrum. The teenage girls were of course brain-damaged by constant exposure to each other's movie and magazine-fueled ideas about attractiveness, and thus now found the highlander so attractive that they all fainted. When MacGregor realized what had happened, he let out a relieved sigh- then ran off to some remote area where no brain-damaged teenage girl could ever want to be.
 
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While still out of sight of the fangirls, Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory" appeared, and gave McGregor some lessons in being -- or anyway, seeming like -- a repugnant geek.
 
At this same moment in time, Jackie Chan is playing another of his karate-fighter characters in a new blockbuster film when he is abducted by real karate-fighters.
 
Nobody cared enough to see what happened to Jackie Chan, so everybody forgot about the movie he was supposed to be making.

Meanwhile, Sam Neil was discussing paleontology with a Chinese dragon...
 
...when the dragon remarked, "Well, one of my less well-behaved ancestors did once eat a man who was in the middle of relieving himself."
 
Meanwhile, Jackie Chan, who was not really in danger, picked up his latest paycheck from the Chinese Communist Party, in payment for his calling on the Chinese people (IN REAL LIFE) never to protest against anything the bosses in Beijing did to them.
 
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