Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Then the whole scene blew up into a chaotic mess of legal papers, which tyrannosaurus promptly swallowed, along with all of Andrew Adamson's money, papers, and camera equipment. Pretty soon, the whole role play turned over to a Jurassic Park remake beginning with Alan Grant and Tim Murphy (who was actually OLDER than his 8 year old sister Lex in the book) rowing a raft down a jungle river on Isla Nublar, discussing theology.
 
ALAN: "Isn't God only an energy field generated by all living things?"

TIM: "No, that's the Force in the Star Wars movies. The actual God IS NOT generated BY His creatures, HE generates THEM."
 
Ian Malcolm was busy hitting on Ellie Sattler. "You know, you remind me of the book of Ecclesiastes."
Ellie replied, "Ecclesiastes? Why?"
"Well it is the most beautifully romantic book in the Bible!"
Ellie just shook her head and walked away, not bothering to inform Dr. Malcolm that he had mixed up Ecclesiastes with Song of Solomon.
 
Leaning down from Heaven, King Solomon observed, "Well, Ecclesiastes does have some relevance here. It would seem that with Ian, all IS vanity."
 
Professor Challenger from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World was chatting with John Hammond, owner of Jurassic Park. Challenger said, "Did you know that I'm a fictional character loosely based off of Colonel Percy Fawcett, the famous explorer? And I think you're also a later literary invention possibly based off of me?"
Clark Kent appeared and asked Professor Challenger, "When did you come to this conclusion, sir?"
"When I was reading-" Professor Challenger looked angry. "You're a reporter, aren't you?"
"Yes, I'm with the Daily Plan-" At this, Challenger hollered a battle cry and proceeded to try to knock Clark Kent down, but when he realized that Mr. Kent proved unusually stable, he repeatedly kicked the super reporter in the shin. None of his attempts seemed to hurt Clark in the least.
 
Sherlock Holmes tapped Professor Challenger on the shoulder, saying, "Professor, I have deduced that this gentleman you just kicked is someone whose tolerance and patience you should be thanking God for."
 
Professor Challenger merely huffed and sat back down in his chair, unwilling to acknowledge that Sherlock was clearly right, and that Clark Kent hadn't really done anything wrong in the first place.

The Ian Malcolm we earlier witnessed hitting on Ellie Sattler was the version of himself from the movie Jurassic Park, not the novel which the film is based on. The novel version of the character had witnessed this behavior by his movie counterpart and walked up and slapped him. "Why are you disgracing me?! You were better in the second movie, but now you're back to making me look bad. Will you stop it? I worked very hard to give intriguing philosophical observations in the book, but you just get by with a few vague quotes of mine and then get right to flirting."
Peter Pevensie walked up with his movie counterpart and said, "I've been having the same problem with this spoiled brat here."
 
Meanwhile in the universe of Fahrenheit 451, Guy Montag had to substitute one book in order to save a copy of the Bible from being burnt. He had a tough choice to make: it was between one of the Twilight Books and 50 Shades of Grey. What made it so difficult is that while one book was trash, the other was trash that began as fan fiction of existing trash.
 
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The Grey Eagle urged Montag to get rid of BOTH trash books.


Meanwhile, in the Jurassic Park setting, the good and bad Peter Pevensies were closely followed by the book and movie versions of Digory Kirke. The true Professor Kirke said, "The distortion was not as bad in my case, but my movie counterpart was drained of all analytical thinking, leaving him only emotion."

"I need more self-esteem!" exclaimed the movie version of Digory Kirke.
 
Montag followed Grey Eagles advice and first turned in the copy of the trash that was fan fiction of trash to the chief burner .But then he took the copy of Twilight and planted it on another burner's house and called in a report. The footage on the evening news of a burner publicly saying, 'I swear! I never read Twilight!" was funny.

Then he turned to professor Kirke and said, "Well, in my movie they had the same actress play both my wife and the 16 year old girl who started to get me actually thinking. Confused? I know I am!"
 
Sven-El said:
Montag followed Grey Eagles advice and first turned in the copy of the trash that was fan fiction of trash to the chief burner .But then he took the copy of Twilight and planted it on another burner's house and called in a report. The footage on the evening news of a burner publicly saying, 'I swear! I never read Twilight!" was funny.

Then he turned to professor Kirke and said, "Well, in my movie they had the same actress play both my wife and the 16 year old girl who started to get me actually thinking. Confused? I know I am!"
Click to expand...

The all-emotions-no-logic version of the Professor told Montag, "My gut feeling is that they just wanted to give actress Julie Christie more on-screen time."

 
"If you want character derailment you should read all the books set after Return of the Jedi, 'said Luke Skywalker. " Because of the rotating roster of writers I could never quite get a consistent portrayal. In one book, not only did I fail to sense that my nephew was turning to the Dark Side, I sent his sister out to assassinate him when he did turn. I also slew some one with out the facts and maintained there was no hope of my nephew turning back to the light. Yes, never mind the fact that refused to give up hope that my father, Darth Vader could be redeemed. I never really met the man and I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt yet the nephew I knew since he was a baby was irredeemable. Much of this was because the author actually admitted to hating me and the rest of the Jedi and had a massive crush on bounty hunter Boba Fett and wanted to show how awesome he was and make him a great family man and how evil and stupid the Jedi were. I can't wait for Episode VII to erase that. "
 
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"Well," said Iron Man. "My film restored my fan base who had abandoned me after a huge company wide story arc ruined it, and gained me new fans who didn't know me from RoboCop. Plus, it helped pave the way for the rest of my fellow Avengers to hit the big screen. And Schwarma sales have increased exponentially. Eat more Schwarma!"

Then he turned to Luke and Buzz and said, "is it weird that the three of us and Kermit the Frog are owned by the same company now? You know one that was started by a visionary, but as of late lost so much focus as they concentrated mainly on teeny-bopper girls with the attention span of a fruit fly that they needed to scoop up other franchises to save them?"
 
"Ha ha, young fool!" shouted Captain Barbossa from the Caribbean pirate movies to Luke Skywalker. "Now ye see the power of glamourizin' lawlessness and selfishness and evil! We bad guys can rob and murder at will; yet as long as audience members ain't actually literally gettin' robbed and murdered by us THEMSELVES, they adores us! We got 'em conned into thinkin' that goodness be borin'! How else could so MANY of them car-thief movies get made?"
 
Luke shrugged, "Well, that probably explains how even though Han Solo and Lando Calrissian were able to grow, and change and become more selfless, noble and heroic characters why Boba Fett has more fan girls."
 
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Will Turner, who never actually submitted to thievery and unjust ways despite being a main character in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, happened to be not far away, and shot Captain Barbossa. Unfortunately, through the course of Barbossa's acts of greed, he had been cursed again to be undead, so the bullet had no effect on him. He merely laughed at Will's attempt while his army of undead pirates came marching over the rise, until...

-Along came Rob Roy and Robin Hood! Rob Roy brought his band of MacGregor highlanders, and of course Robin Hood brought with him his merry men. Then raising a broadsword, Rob Roy shouted, "Alright my noble rogues! Let us show these sea dogs the meaning of honor and plunder- only to give back to those it was taken from! Attack!" The heroic outlaws charged the undead pirates while pipers played a battle song on their bagpipes.
 
Loki from the Avengers said, " Barbossa speaks the truth! For I am burdened by glorious purpose. The fans are made to be ruled by those who would claim power, especially those who are squealing teen-aged girls. For it is by there loyalty to me that I have amassed an army of fans, despite the fact I do not appear on bed sheets, school supplies, lunch boxes or licensed apparel. For I am a heartthrob. What can you do to me?"

Iron Man responded, "We have a Hulk!"

Loki grew pale and said, "oh, crud..." as a giant green hand grabbed him.
 
"Hulk share smashing!" roared the Hulk. Upon this cue, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Loki had slain in the movie came back to life long enough to give Loki another agonizing shot with the super-gun....AND to do as much to Barbossa.
 
"You know," said Agent Phil Coulson. " I've been in four movies. And I'm supposed to be the star of a TV show. However I don't have an action figure yet. Even a random Star Wars character with a minute of screen time can get an action figure. I need a better agent representing me."
 
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