Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Sven-El said:
"You know," said Agent Phil Coulson. " I've been in four movies. And I'm supposed to be the star of a TV show. However I don't have an action figure yet. Even a random Star Wars character with a minute of screen time can get an action figure. I need a better agent representing me."
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"No, you just need to be handsome, like me!" exclaimed Jabba the Hut.
 
Meanwhile, in the universe of "Firefly," River Tam discovered that she _couldn't_ actually toss an entire planet across their solar system with one hand. So she went off to sulk in a corner, until Buffy the Vampire Slayer came by and told her, "Hey, I can't even toss a planet with _both_ hands."
 
Meanwhile Hoban "Wash" Washburn who had been unceremoniously killed off in Firefly's feature film "Serenity" ( by impalement) called up Qui-Gon Jinn from Star Wars and Agent Coulson from the Avengers to see if they would like to start their own team.

"We all have one thing in common," said Wash. "We're all really cool heroes that fans love who die by impalement as we are used to help propel the hero on the next phase of their journey."

"A wise idea, "said Qui-Gon. "It is possible for a person to grow and progress as a person without having some one die a horrible death. Barring of course that usual origin story that some how galvanizes a hero to action."

"So what do we call ourselves?" asked Agent Coulson.
 
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Meanwhile in another galaxy, Peppy Hare, finally recovered from his shock as being confused with Pippy Longstocking, and his friends Slippy Toad and Falco Lombardi were preparing for another sure to come treacherous attack by the devious reptile Cayman.
 
Copperfox said:
"The Transfixed Trio?" suggested Wash.
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"You might want to recount your numbers,"said a voice from behind.
They turned and saw Boromir and Ramandu's daughter coming .They wished to join the team too.

"Though my death was necessary for redemption," said Boromir." I still thirst for action."

"I just need something to do besides get bitten by a snake, "said Ramandu's daughter.

"I'm coming too!"said a poor red shirt from Star Trek.

"OK," said Qui-Gon. "The transfixed six. But we must hurry. Our sworn enemy Vlad the Impaler is in cohoots with one called a cayman reptile and they are going to attack Peppy Hare, Slippy Toad and Falco Lombardi. They are the last of their kind and must be preserved. "
 
Agent Coulson, because of his experience in travelling as a secret agent, had an idea. "Let's infiltrate a travel agency, one that handles vacations to the Cayman ISLANDS. Then we can get several group tours diverted, to land on top of Cayman THE CREATURE, and they'll trample him."
 
"Sounds easy enough," said Wash.

"Now the question is how do we divert the flights?" asked Boromir. " One does not just simply walk into an air traffic control tower."

"And which groups would be gullible enough to go on a trip like this in a massive group?" asked Qui-Gon.
 
"I've got it!" laughed Ramandu's Daughter. "Get hold of the Moonies, and tell them that Cayman is a potential big-money donor!"
 
"That could work," said Coulson. "I can pull some strings send them a few of those baiting e-mails .They'll be signed up in less then an hour. So here's how this works. . I'll send the emails to the Moonies from the travel agency. Qui-Gon, you and Boromir will handle taking the tower. It won't be easy,as you already admitted Boromir. The TSA heavily guard the place you will need to sneak in during their shift rotation. Wash you and the Red Shirt are flying the plane. Ramandu's daughter, we need the passengers heavily sedated to prevent any injuries. See if you can't work your skills on them."

"We may need a diversion to get the TSA detained," said Qui-Gon.

"I already have the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail on hold."
 
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"Let's see," mused Ramandu's daughter. "I could cause all screens passengers are watching to play reruns of 'Big Brother.' That should put them in a shallow coma."
 
"Excellent," said Coulson. " I would recommend following that up with an hour long lecture on why 'Big Brother' is nothing like George Orwell's novel."

"Hey!" said the Ensign who knew full well what could happen if he flew . "I don't want to fly the plane .Can I just hep get those animals, you know the hare and all them away from the landing area? "
 
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They were suddenly joined by an oversized cartoonish duck: the character Launchpad from "Ducktales." He offered to take the co-pilot seat on the airliner instead of the Redshirt.
 
Seeing as he was only co-pilot, and had a knack for walking away from crashes they were all to quick to accept his help, which Scrooge McDuck was happy about as Launchpad's crash record was a hazard to insurance premiums.

Jonathan and Martha Kent offered to not only drive Boromir and Qui-Gon serve as a diversion for TSA. Since Jonathan typically has a heart condition in most versions of the mythos, it would require a pacemaker. Which would distract half of airport security for at least five hours.

Lt. Commander Worf from Star Trek volunteered to replace the ensign.
 
When Worf and Launchpad boarded the airliner, everyone could see that they looked different from the average Earthman; but no one said anything, for fear that the new pilots would sue them for hate speech and racism. So the takeover of the plane went smoothly.
 
Especially since half the passengers were Moonies. The other half were oblivious High School seniors glued to their electronic gadgets who claimed they were going on Spring Break to the Cayman Islands to look at colleges. never mind the fact that by spring of their senior year they should have not only applied to college, but been accepted and looking into scholarships and grants. As soon as every one was seated Ramandu's daughter started the Big Brother Marathon.

Meanwhile at the airport Qui-Gon and Boromir snuck into the tower. The TSA agents swarmed on Jonathan and Martha Kent as Jonathan's pace maker set off the metal detector.
 
Boromir had saved up as souvenirs the wooden shafts of the arrows that had killed him before. He had lashed these together side-by-side, making a wooden cudgel that would not be noticed by a metal detector. Just as one TSA employee was about to treat Mrs. Kent _very_ disrespectfully, Boromir knocked him unconscious with a whack of his club.
 
Another agent tried to take Qui-Gon's Lightsaber. You know how the toy ones have a little warning label reading. " Do not point at eyes"? Well he didn't listen. He held it up to his eye, flipped the switch and well, it wasn't very pretty. With most of the agents unconscious dead or detained Boromir and Qui-Gon raced to the tower. One inside they gave the plane to the Cayman Islands clearance to fly.
 
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Qui-Gon left behind him a little robotic device which would exert control over the roleplay thread, with the result that everyone killed in the capture of the tower would come back to life, but NOT BEFORE the heroes had completed their mission.
 
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