Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Meanwhile Vincent the Vegetarian Vampire from the original Electric Company, Count Van Count from Sesame Street and Count Chocula were delighted to have escaped the carnage. As they not only didn't consume blood, but dedicated their lives to bringing happiness to kids and educating them about letters, numbers and food, they could live.
 
When Count von Count saw how the trendy Common Core educational approach twisted logical arithmetic into idiotic pretzels, he was sorely tempted to START drinking human blood.
 
He decided to start with the beuracrats who thought up the stupid Common Core. Equally annoyed were CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, Ray Bradbury and HG Wells as in the literature curiculum they defined The Hobbit, Narnia and LOTR as "sci-fi" when they are in fact fantasy. The beuaracrats named the point, "But it it works for the Sy-Fy channel!"
 
The Count, and the famous authors, discovered that the SyFy Channel was actually secretly managed by a bunch of sexy vampires who were hiding out from Grey Eagle. Among themselves, these vampires referred to their cable channel as the All Horror And Occult All The Time Channel.
 
H.G. Wells tried to say that it didn't matter, because the universe was meaningless anyway. But Lewis and Tolkien shut Wells up and shouted to the Hulk, "Yes, go ahead and smash!"
 
Hulk Smiled, cracked his knuckles and got right to work. But not before inviting his brawling buddy the Thing from the Fantastic Four to join him in the smashing.
 
Glad for once not to have to fight _against_ the Hulk, the Thing joined happily in the smashing. He paid special attention to smashing the sets and props from SyFy's politically-correct revision of "Battlestar Galactica," which had cynically made _humanity_ take the blame for the existence of the Cylons.
 
A swashbuckling hero with a horse bow (it's like a recurve bow specially designed so it can be used with ease from horseback), a sword, dagger and no horse suddenly appeared on the scene, a crimson cross on the front of his army green t-shirt. He began systematically hunting down the nearby sexy vampires and firing arrows with silver plated heads straight through their hearts. Because the archer didn't come from the Twilight Universe (or even the 'Twilight Zone', for that matter), his arrows were perfectly effective for slaying the vile creatures.
 
Sir Tom the Dragon Knight said:
A swashbuckling hero with a horse bow (it's like a recurve bow specially designed so it can be used with ease from horseback), a sword, dagger and no horse suddenly appeared on the scene, a crimson cross on the front of his army green t-shirt. He began systematically hunting down the nearby sexy vampires and firing arrows with silver plated heads straight through their hearts. Because the archer didn't come from the Twilight Universe (or even the 'Twilight Zone', for that matter), his arrows were perfectly effective for slaying the vile creatures.
Click to expand...


A crowd of air-headed teenyboppers, wishing to be turned into sexy vampires so they could victimize defenseless victims, had just been coming to the SyFy Channel offices to request transformation, when they saw the dashing archer mowing down their would-be vampirizers. Which gave them pause.
 
This was followed by a slightly jealous Hawkeye who stood watching. "Showoff" was all he could say about the new archer. The green archer noticed him of course and said, "Hey, join the fun! Don't let me upstage you who is one of my many inspirations!"
 
Green Arrow needed no further urging. He even revealed that he had some non-lethal anti-stupidity arrows in his quiver, which of course he shot at the dopey teenagers. Once hit, each teenager instantly became wise, logical and insightful.
 
Instead of discussing vampire romance novels, these teens began to have a lively discussion of Plato's The Republic....in Greek.
 
Last edited:
Super-Duper Man managed to get himself hired as a communications specialist of the SS Derelict even though he only quotes lyrics to songs by America when he talks. How he managed to convince Captain Obvious that he would be a good choice for this position is beyond comprehension.
 
The new archer character who's name that has yet to be mentioned happened to catch the blue eye of a bespectacled red-head who had been chatting about George MacDonald books with one of the recently converted teenyboppers. Soon enough, the unnamed swashbuckler got his chance to introduce himself to the red-headed, brainy beauty. His introduction being, "I know not who you are, nor how you just happened to be here in the midst of all these teenagers, but may I just say: You're pretty- I mean, greetings. My name is Arroman."
The red-haired girl grinned and blushed, then said, "The name's Lane. Lois Lane. And not that Lois Lane, the other Lois Lane."
This was followed by awkward staring at each other for a few minutes, then Arroman finally said, "Want to go and see Desolation of Smaug with me this Saturday?"
"Sure!" Was the immediate answer, and then an exchange of cell phone numbers took place.
 
Grey Eagle, who for his own part had been blessed to find a new wife after he had lost all hope of new love at his age, now crossed his fingers for the young archer, hoping that all would go well with the smart and attractive redhead.

Meanwhile, Captain Obvious managed a partial remedy for Super-Duper-Man's communicative shortcomings, by teaching Super-Duper-Man some hand signals.
 
It just so happened that Andrew Adamson had teamed up with several Japanese film-makers and acquired the rights to both Godzilla and the "Barney" franchise. This resulted in a strange new movie called "Godzilla Vs. Barney: A Romance". The film of course portrayed Godzilla pitted against a super-sized purple and green dinosaur with yellow toe nails and stupid looking grin in a contest to see who could do the most damage to a city while trying to kill each other. The "romance" part of the title was in reference to a secondary plot involving Justin Beiber's romance with a female vampire. Naturally, though the movie was completely ridiculous, it appealed greatly to the increasingly stupid culture of modern teenagers, who flocked to theatres all across the nation just to see it EVERY DAY that it was showing. This smashing success for a ridiculous film ruined many intelligent peoples' hopes for a revival of human intelligence. The only hope for planet earth that remained was a handful of fundamental evangelical churches, and the superheroes and modern day knights that frequented them.
 
Last edited:
Justin Bieber and his vampire girlfriend, by supernatural means, produced an offspring which was born fully adult -- adult in size, anyway. He called himself the Prince of Correctness. This Prince's first public action was to accuse military forces of hate and bigotry because they were trying to stop the monsters from destroying a whole city.
 
Back
Top