Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Sven-El said:
Clark Kent, Steve Rogers,Luke Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker, Harry Potter, Frodo Baggins, Peter Parker, every.single.member.of.the.X-Men, Neo, Elsa from Frozen, Perseus, Hercules, Theseus, and every other hero who came before said,

"Excuse us?"

Meanwhile Joe the Orc from several posts back was growing tried of eating man flesh, elf flesh, and dwarf flesh and announced to his Orc kin,

"I want to become a vegetarian. I love the taste of salad. I also don't want to rampage, pillage, or kill anymore .I want to be a painter and dance ballet."
Click to expand...

Joe's relatives advised him: "If you want to be a vegetarian, eat okra. That way, with a little slurring of the word 'okra,' we can pretend you've become a cannibal."
 
It worked surprisingly well for the sweet potatoes. The other Orcs tried his dishes and discovered that they actually liked them. For those who missed the taste of beef he served them some of the newer vegetarian burgers that actually taste more like meat.
 
G.K. Chesterton popped in on his way to a debate in order to pontificate about the absurdity of making vegetables taste like meat but refusing to actually eat meat itself.
 
Edgar Rice Burroughs, a contemporary of Mr. Chesterton, invited Chesterton to his house in Tarzana, California; the TOWN had provided the name for the CHARACTER Tarzan, not the other way around. Burroughs served Chesterton some dinosaur steaks, obtained from his "lost world" of Caspak.
 
Meanwhile Saruman and Suaron were none-to-pleased by the slowly reforming Orcs.
'You guys aren't menacing if you eat vegetables. Your supposed to eat Man-flesh!" said Sauron. "What do I pay you expendable losers for?"
 
"And you don't pay us anything!" said another Orc, whose name was Jeff. "To say nothing of the fact that we get no retirement benefits, no breaks, and no medical or dental care. My son needs braces! How am I supposed to pay for that."

"I vote we unionize," said another, whose name was Chuck.

"Exactly," said another, named Bob. "We should sit down make a list our grievances against our current employer and fight for a positive change in our place of employment."
 
"But we don't work for him!" said Chuck.

"You could all come work for me at my restaurant," said Joe." I offer medical and dental insurance, three weeks vacation, regular breaks, full functioning modern outhouses, and 401K plans."
 
While Joe had the attention of the others, the Dark Lord sneaked away and began shopping for an afterlife miserable enough to accommodate him upon his perishing. The netherworld of the movie "Beetlejuice" impressed him as sufficiently nasty, gloomy and hopeless. The spirits there denied the existence of God, which was pleasing to Sauron.
 
It turned out that Emperor Palpatine, The Borg Queen, Jadis, The Wicked Witch of the West, Lord Voldemort, The Joker from Batman and Loki from the Marvel Movies had also taken up residence in that netherworld. Ok, so the last two weren't dead, but that's never stopped them from showing up before. Upon meeting they realized that they actually had the basis for the perfect afterlife for their combined evils...a reality TV show called "The Complex of Evil." So the seven of them decided to rent an apartment in the really run-down, seedy part of Gotham City. and got things rolling.

( note I would love to see a photoshopped picture of this in a coming post. If someone can oblige, please do.)

Their first episode...they sang karaoke. The proceeding included Sauron singing Beyoncé's Single Ladies ( Put a Ring on It), The Wicked Witch singing "Defying Gravity" from Wicked, Jadis singing ...some song by Lady Gaga..., Borg Queen singing David Bowie's "Space Oddity", Palpatine singing "I Got The Power", The Joker performing Steve Miller Band's "The Joker", Voldemort singing "Another Brick In The Wall" by Pink Floyd, and Loki performing Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". Due to Loki's shape shifting skills his was the best performance, and a few people at the karaoke bar confused Jadis for Lady Gaga.
 
Last edited:
Actress Tilda Swinton, a nice lady in real life by all accounts, looked at the previous post and muttered, "I'm glad I'm not _actually_ Jadis!"
 
A talent agent and a record producer were watching the villain perform karaoke and promptly signed them to an exclusive five year contract.
 
Neo-hippie protestors began harassing the music executives: not because the executives were signing up a villain, but simply because they might make money by it.
 
Not that it mattered. The First album of their group "Evil, Incorperated" went Platinum. However since they were in fact villains they did not have much longevity. The downfall of their group, and their reality show, started when Sauron and Jadis began a world wind romance that culminated in their engagement. This was about the time when Batman caught the Joker...again...and threw him in Arkham Asylum...again...and Loki decided he wanted to go solo to focus on more creative endeavors.
 
Last edited:
Palpatine decided to" run" ( and when I say run I mean buy) for a vacant seat in the Illinois state senate with an eye on the White House saying," It worked for a completely fictional person who may or may not be the current sitting president of a completely made up country. "

Meanwhile Sauron and Jadis' romance was derailed when she caught him cheating on her with the Wicked Witch of the West. To get back at him she cheated with Voldemort.
 
Sauron, Jadis, Elphaba (WW-of-West) and Voldemort were all getting into a multi-sided quarrel, when they saw the super-demon Cthulhu from H.P. Lovecraft's horror stories approaching them. They all screamed and ran. But then Aslan showed up and annihilated Cthulhu.
 
Back
Top