Duffer Boot Camp!

Aye, for Caesar is dead, and though he appeared during his lifetime to be a man most kind and courteous, yet does Brutus say he was ambitious, and thus - for Brutus is an honourable man.

yet why then does the very sound of his name make my bones shudder and tremble with fear, for who knows who will fall by his sword and who shall be struck down by his terrible wrath? for i gave my dog the name brutus, and alas, i did not know what i was doing.
 
O woe, alas, alack! For thy canine copy of this murd'rous man, this Brutus, shall indeed inherit by virtue (or, perhaps, vice) of his name the characteristics of that other Brutus, and when thou liest in slumber, dreaming deep the dreams of dufferness, then shalt this evil beast retrieve from its secret resting place the Sword of Caesar, and take it up, and with it shall he strike thee down, and all thy friends as well. Quick, hasten, ere it is too late, to find the Sword of Caesar, and destroy't!
 
O woe, alas, alack! For thy canine copy of this murd'rous man, this Brutus, shall indeed inherit by virtue (or, perhaps, vice) of his name the characteristics of that other Brutus, and when thou liest in slumber, dreaming deep the dreams of dufferness, then shalt this evil beast retrieve from its secret resting place the Sword of Caesar, and take it up, and with it shall he strike thee down, and all thy friends as well. Quick, hasten, ere it is too late, to find the Sword of Caesar, and destroy't!

o murderous day, o perilous night. already strike the shadows of death upon my lonesome soul, for i was overcome by a desire so strong to laugh and an incapability to do so that my inner organs twisted truly cruelly, and in spasms and words of woe did my mortal being cease to be. i'd rather have been struck down by the honourable sword of caesar, for indeed, 'tis a shame on the name of my ancestors and a shame on all my house to die thus. but lo, i shall return as a ghost and haunt my malicious murderer till he turns to ashes, this i promise on this day! lord oly will be no more!
 
yaaay... i mean awww...

:D

hey, i think that was the first time in a month i refreshed the duffers page because i thought there would be something worth reading... yay.
 
*glares* (And if you're thinking of complaining that I glare too much, then remember that you need to stop doing glare-worthy things. :rolleyes:)
 
Like what? I didn't do anything, i just thought about it...

And I forgot to respond to this:

o murderous day, o perilous night. already strike the shadows of death upon my lonesome soul, for i was overcome by a desire so strong to laugh and an incapability to do so that my inner organs twisted truly cruelly, and in spasms and words of woe did my mortal being cease to be. i'd rather have been struck down by the honourable sword of caesar, for indeed, 'tis a shame on the name of my ancestors and a shame on all my house to die thus. but lo, i shall return as a ghost and haunt my malicious murderer till he turns to ashes, this i promise on this day! lord oly will be no more!

Hold, I say! From whence in the unwholesome pathways and labyrinthine trails of thy no doubt twisted mentality didst spring the idea that I, the pure and noble, was behind this nefarious wickedness? Nay! For 'twas I who warned the of this canine threat to thy existence! And in what manner was I to have discovered that thou wouldst, first, be overcome by the desire to laugh because of this (for surely 'tis no laughing matter!), and second, be in a time and place where laughter was to be rendered impossible? Indeed, I could not know! Thine accusation against me is groundless, and of water holds none, and by reason of this do I demand that thou rectract thy statement, and apologize, admit thy shame! For truly thou hast maligned my character most pure, and th'evil of this insult lies in its untruth. Thus do I say again, hold!
 
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Know'st thou not what I did speak, oh Jello Orange? Then study thou the works of great Shakespeare, William of that name, and with his language do thou get familiar, for by't shalt thou travel in the lands of Dufferland, with Shakespare as thy guide and shield, for in this idiom are construed many and great of those myriad things which Dufferland hath seen. Thus do I charge thee, go, and study hard!
 
Like what? I didn't do anything, i just thought about it...

And I forgot to respond to this:



Hold, I say! From whence in the unwholesome pathways and labyrinthine trails of thy no doubt twisted mentality didst spring the idea that I, the pure and noble, was behind this nefarious wickedness! Nay! For 'twas I who warned the of th'existence of this canine threat to thy existence! And in what manner was I to have discovered that thou wouldst, first, be overcome by the desire to laugh because of this (for surely 'tis no laughing matter!), and second, be in a time and place where laughter was to be rendered impossible? Indeed, I could not know! Thine accusation against me is groundless, and of water holds none, and by reason of this do I demand that thou rectract thy statement, and apologize, admit thy shame! For truly thou hast maligned my character most pure, and th'evil of this insult lies in its untruth. Thus do I say again, hold!

we say, 'tis a lucky day indeed for we are in a favorable sentiment. thus thou art pardoned for now, but heed my words: thou shalt take up thy sword and pledge to seek this traitor, nay, this villain, this foe of foes, who hath wilfully harmed us, and thou shalt find and smite him down with thy noble sword, so that the whole realm of dufferland might rejoice with us. and thou shalt bring us his head so that we might behold of whom this evil sprang. and if thou returnest from thy journey beset with perils manifold, thou shalt be rewarded royally, oh lord oly. go now, and our blessings with thee.

exit mf.
 
Truly, oh great Freckled One, do I hear and obey the words from thy lips. And know this, that never shall I rest until I have discovered and put to rest eternal that false knave, that traitorous dog, that master of chicanery and wickedness who hath dared harm a hair of thy head.

Therefore I'll go
gird on my sword most bright of vorpal forged,
and I shall search in woods of tulgey dark,
and nought will turn me back
e'en though the pow'rs of hell do strive with me
yet never shall I halt
until I reach my goal
or perish nobly in the last attempt.
 
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Truly, oh great Freckled One, do I hear and obey the words from thy lips. And know this, that never shall I rest until I have discovered and put to rest eternal that false knave, that traitorous dog, that master of chicanery and wickedness who hath dared harm a hair of thy head.

Therefore I'll go
gird on my sword most bright of vorpal forged
and shall I search in woods of tulgey and in brillig wabes
and nought shall turn me back
e'en though the pow'rs of hell to strive with me
yet never shall I halt
until I reach my goal
or perish nobly in the last attempt.

take this vial - it contains milk, which giveth strength to thy bones, and will confuse thy enemies mightily if thou splashest it in their countenances. and do not neglect thy duty to report to us regularly, for if thou do not reappear after six months have gone passed, we shall give thy rival bertold thy place and thy family at the royal table, and thy belongings we shall give to the poor. but let this knowledge not disturb thy heart in any way, for thou canst not afford to be distracted in combat.
 
(5 months, 27 days later)

I have returned! And now my tale I'll tell to you:

Long did I search.
With panting breath and travel-stainèd cloak
I climbed the towers of the highest mount,
Mount Surpulus 'tis named, and from it looked
Afar, for that great enemy I sought.
First I looked north, and saw the blasted plains,
Those once-green fields where men did fight their wars,
Until they passed from green to black and bare,
Where now even the cockroaches hath died.
Then turned I to the west, and there I saw
The shining tow'rs and mighty buttresses
Of cities in which dwelt the far-off kings
That built their kingdoms up to lofty skies.
And eastward then I looked, and I percieved
The gleaming, jagged pinnacles of ice
Which lie across the seas of furious storms,
Where many ships have sunk beneath the waves.
Then to the south I cast my sharp-eyed gaze,
O'er misty fields and cities of renown,
Past forests deep and lands I did not know,
And found at last what I had sought so long.
A brooding castle, of appearance dark
And evil; not a ray of shining sun
Did pierce the looming clouds which over it
Cast now their twilit shadows dark and deep.
And in the highest tower of that keep
Saw I a monstrous form, of darkness spawned;
Black was its colour; had I stood before't,
Three times man's height o'er me it would have loomed.
Its teeth, its claws, of razor-sharpness were,
Its hide of thickness great, like armour dark,
Its eyes with baleful fire shone like coals
Plucked from the fiery pits of deepest Hell.
And then I knew 'twas southward I must go.
Then climbed I down from lofty Surpulus,
And toward the south I turned my face and will,
For southward lay the ending of my quest,
That evil nightmare which had cursed my sleep.
Through deserts wide and plains where no man dwelt,
In trackless forests, deep and evil dark,
Past creatures of a dark and awful get,
I shaped my course, but always to the south.
At last the mighty castle towered close,
Its gates were formed of metal black as night,
And fastened with a lock of cunning type;
Such gates of mighty strength I'd never pass.
But then I drew a thin, strong woven cord
From out the pocket of my golden cape,
And fastened to its end a slender hook
And cast it up, to catch upon the stone.
Then I swarmed up this rope of woven silk
Up toward the very top of that great wall -
A dreadful height, indeed, it seemed a league -
And lighted soundlessly upon the stones.
Then through the dark and silent keep I walked,
With bated breath and with a soundless tread
Until I came at last to the dark door
Behind which lay my foe in slumber deep.
Then did I draw my sword from out its sheath
Bright Nimlion, of finest vorpal forged
And with a last and shudd'ring indrawn breath
I rushed upon the foe I'd sought so long.
He woke, and terrible then was the sound
Our battle made; it echoed far and wide;
Across the empty plains and forests deep,
The clash of arms and claws and teeth did sound.
For truly had I met at last my match,
This monstrous beast which crouched before me there,
And lashing out with claws and teeth it gave
A roaring cry which chilled my very blood.
Yet falter did I not! I stood my ground,
And bravely gave as good as I had got;
His claws and teeth did scrape upon my shield,
As with my sword I slashed and stabbed his hide.
Backward and forth, to left and right we fought
The battle raged throughout the castle deep,
Now standing forth, now falling back again,
Another battle such will never pass.
It seemed an age we fought each other there,
And both did know that never should it cease
Until one did the other overcome
And strike him down into the dusty earth.
Then with my sword I slashed upon his thigh
And made his blood to flow - 'twas black as night;
I wounded him, yet even then his claws
Did slash open my side, a wound most deep.
Then as the bright red blood poured splashing forth,
I felt my strength give way, my vision fade,
My fingers loosed, my sword fell with a clang
And all seemed lost, and black was my despair.
Then suddenly remember'd I most clear,
As if it had been only yesterday,
The vial which thou gavest me, of milk,
And I had used it not, it still was full.
Then with what seemed the last breath of my life,
I drew it forth from inner pocket deep
And, drawing out the cork with jaws and teeth,
I cast it full into the foebeast's face.
Then roared he loud, and with that sound my strength
Came rushing back, as swiftly as it left;
My sword I took, and hacked and hewed at him
Till cold and dead his head rolled on the ground.
The head I took to show to thee as proof
Of my conquest, and then I exited,
That castle dark, and on it turned my back,
No more to fight, for vanquished was the foe.
And then, the light of vict'ry in my eyes
I set my course for home. And here I stand
Before you, in this hall of great renown,
To tell you of my exploits far and wide.
This head do thou behold; evil it looks
And awful was the body that it crowned,
For truly 'twas a demon taken flesh,
That beast whose life I took, in southern lands.
And now I have told all, judge thou thyselves
The truth of this tale I have spake to thee.
 
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:eek:

o noble lord oly,
cast not thy eye on me so expectantly, for i am speechless. thou art not merely a poet of great wit, not only a climber of great skill, not just a fighter of great strength, thou art a hero, for from this moment in history, thy name shall resound from the very top of the surpulus to the pits of derny' black hole, and thy tales shall be told in every corner of dufferland, from the dwellings of the mods in the far west to the walls of the insane asylum, gleaming in the eastern sun. but no more speeches will i give. kneel now, that i might bestow on thee the honor of my sword. rise, sir olorin of dufferland, wall-climber, sword-swinger, cork-puller, milk-pourer, beast-slayer.
let the servants go and pass out bread to the peasants, for my foe is slain, and nothing would dare disturb my slumber now, not even the cruelest of laughter.
 
(ooc: Yeah, ":eek:" was about how i felt when I finally finished writing that...)

Behold! My life hath now borne fruit! The hardships of that journey I would gladly bear again, if another reward so brightly shining waited at its end. For know that happiness, which comes not easily, doth truly stem from labour of the soul, and labour was that journey long and hard.
 
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(ooc: Yeah, ":eek:" was about how i felt when I finally finished writing that...)

Behold! My life hath now borne fruit!
And look ye well, ye peasants of this land,
That thou mayst see the true rewards which life
Doth shower down upon those who do work.
And with this knowledge clasped within thy hearts,
Return thou to thy labours, and consider
That happiness, which cometh not easily
Doth truly come from labour of the soul.

(i already suspected something long because you didn't post anything for a while, but i didn't expect it in verse... and nothing like this, to be sure... wait, this is "ooc". you're only PRETENDiNG to be a noble knight? DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE!!)

aye, labour 'tis, the very core of life, though this perception is a cruel predicament for me at this hour, when i should, instead of sending knights off to battle, and revive honourable threads, should have been studying the ways of words and communication. alas, i shall be punished for it later, when i sit on the seat of my doom, before a paper, wicked, full of questions, to which i know the answer not. o lamentation! whatever shall i do? for these exams loom over me like the very shadows of the underworld. and there is no escape from them, i fear.
 
(Actually, you know what's weird? Every time I start writing Shakespearian it's easy to make it come out in verse. It just seems to fit. Oh, and you're studying linguistics? No wonder you're so good at english, then. You're the only person I know who can speak good Shakespearian without English being your first language. Lieke says it takes her twice as long just to READ, let alone write. Oh, and the "ooc" referred to my idiom, not my character. Maybe it should have been "ooi" - "out of idiom"?)

Have no fear, freckled lady! For thy champion I'll be, pure and noble, and not a scrap of exam shall I let touch thee, unless thou ord'rest me off. For I shall travel posthaste to thy country, and then I shall find thee, and moreover thy exams. And I shall take away these exams most awful, and pile them in a mighty heap. Then I shall draw from within my cloak a match, and set it to these papers, and the flames shall swiftly spread from one to another, till the dancing flame doth light the whole campus, and the air resounds with the crackling of the fire. Then shall you rejoice, oh freckled lady, for thy exams will be no more, and thou shalt have little cause to weep.
 
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