Warrior-Poet51088
New member
Nice, I'mbigger/you'reolder!
If I have time, I might tell two jokes that are somewhat like that!
If I have time, I might tell two jokes that are somewhat like that!
Really Bad Jokes.
- Thread starter TrueCrusader
- Start date
I'mbigger/you'reolder
New member
Gaahhh! All of my jokes are best told in person! The best part is seeing the reaction of the person you're telling it to, or, it's just that you have to be in a certain situation to be able to make the punchline. You can't really get that here. Well, so you guys won't get as good a glimpse into my dry humor as I'd like, so you'll just have to settle for this.
Mr. and Mrs. Tomato were walking down the street with their son Tomato Jr. (who names their kid that, I mean really) Anyway, Tomato Jr. had to stop and tie his shoe, when, suddenly, a piano fell on him from nine stories up! His mom and dad looked back, saw everything, and the dad just yelled, "Hey, son, catch up!"
My brother told me that one, it's a classic.
Mr. and Mrs. Tomato were walking down the street with their son Tomato Jr. (who names their kid that, I mean really) Anyway, Tomato Jr. had to stop and tie his shoe, when, suddenly, a piano fell on him from nine stories up! His mom and dad looked back, saw everything, and the dad just yelled, "Hey, son, catch up!"
My brother told me that one, it's a classic.
black cloak
New member
Smog the tomato went to toato heaven where he is happy
Warrior-Poet51088
New member
Sounds like it's time to make another horribly unfounded movie: All Tomatoes Go to Heaven.
(Maybe we could have a sequel!)
(Maybe we could have a sequel!)
I'mbigger/you'reolder
New member
What would make a dishonest shortcake? A lie-berry!
What weighs 3 ounces and is extremely dangerous? A sparrow with a machine gun!
Thanks 70s Batman TV show!
What weighs 3 ounces and is extremely dangerous? A sparrow with a machine gun!
Thanks 70s Batman TV show!
More from Batman:
What is yellow and writes? A ballpoint banana!
What kind of people are always in a hurry? Russians!
Here are some I heard from the Martin and Lewis show (when they hosted the Colgate Comedy Hour):
Dean: "Did you take a bath this morning?"
Jerry: "Why, is one missing?"
There were two prisoners and they had a fight. And the warden wanted to know why they were fighting and they said that one prisoner called the other prisoner a dirty number.
A guy walks into a restaurant and says to the waiter "Do you have frogs legs?" and the waiter says, "No, I always walk this way."
What is yellow and writes? A ballpoint banana!
What kind of people are always in a hurry? Russians!
Here are some I heard from the Martin and Lewis show (when they hosted the Colgate Comedy Hour):
Dean: "Did you take a bath this morning?"
Jerry: "Why, is one missing?"
There were two prisoners and they had a fight. And the warden wanted to know why they were fighting and they said that one prisoner called the other prisoner a dirty number.
A guy walks into a restaurant and says to the waiter "Do you have frogs legs?" and the waiter says, "No, I always walk this way."
GrayCloak
New member
Microsoft Word just destroyed something I'd really worked hard on, so here's my revenge...
-There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"
-Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour."
Bill Gates continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
I feel better now....really at peace with the world....lol.
-There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"
-Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour."
Bill Gates continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
I feel better now....really at peace with the world....lol.
The Prince
New member
Iv heard a version of that second one but never that first one LOL
Lyra Chappell
New member
Yo Crusader, a here's one you may have to forgive me for; How did Hitler tie his shoes?
With little knotsies...
With little knotsies...
Smog
New member
Ok, how many "Supralapsarianists" does it take to screw in a light bulb?
About 25,000 years!!!
Why did the Synergist cross the road?
Because "Salvation by works"!
What do you call an infralapsarian with a bad hair day?
Reformed!!!
What's the difference between a Calvcavenist and theonist?
About four inches!!!
Thank you, thank you!
(If anybody here gets these jokes I am truly sorry for you)
About 25,000 years!!!
Why did the Synergist cross the road?
Because "Salvation by works"!
What do you call an infralapsarian with a bad hair day?
Reformed!!!
What's the difference between a Calvcavenist and theonist?
About four inches!!!
Thank you, thank you!
(If anybody here gets these jokes I am truly sorry for you)
Smog
New member
Ok, I have some really good(bad) Star Wars jokes that I heard from a friend whle at the Midnight premiere:
~
How is Duct Tape like the Force?
It has a light side, a dark side and it binds the universe together!
~
What did the Rancore say when he ate a wookie?
Mmm, Chewy!
~
What's the red stuff on the bottom of an AT88?
Slow Ewaks!
~
What makes this sound "Hahahaha... Aww... crack.. THUD!"?
A storm trooper laughing at Darth Vader.
~
Thank you, thank you! (And thank you, Lu)
~
How is Duct Tape like the Force?
It has a light side, a dark side and it binds the universe together!
~
What did the Rancore say when he ate a wookie?
Mmm, Chewy!
~
What's the red stuff on the bottom of an AT88?
Slow Ewaks!
~
What makes this sound "Hahahaha... Aww... crack.. THUD!"?
A storm trooper laughing at Darth Vader.
~
Thank you, thank you! (And thank you, Lu
)