Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

In the America of Urth, superheroes were trying not to be obvious about how close they were to moving against Block Atom. Since the rescue of Superdude and Superhottie from their prison on Senphatori, there was no chance of Block and Serrimu NOT knowing that retaliation was coming. But since the villains knew that the Tonkrypians would require days to recover after the long depowering, they still might not expect the assault to begin anytime within the next seventy-two hours.

One fake-out which was prepared for any spies on Urth occurred at Restoration Ranch. Returning there, Greg and Ruby Sutter proceeded to catch up with Matthew Carver and all the other long-term kids. Gleaming Knight, Stellar Sapphire, Tapper Cossack and Aluminum Banshee hung around with the Sutters as if they had nothing else to do.

Another fake-out was pulled off by Jimmy Ulcer, interviewing Superdude and Superhottie for global television. The two super-cousins talked about regaining their strength, about taking care to avoid system shock that might ensue from pushing themselves too hard. Any spies watching this interview, it was hoped, would figure that the surprise being prepared by the good guys consisted in Superdude and Superhottie returning to action sooner than expected. Instead, the surprise would consist in the Justified League and its allies going to war WITHOUT the Tonkrypians.

And since the two cousins WERE very close to regaining full capability, THEY could be the core strength of Urth's defense if Block Atom tried a flanking counterattack.

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In Vientiane, Laos, Krabang Tudorsidan, one of the top leaders of the Crocodile Market, was briefing his deputy crimelords on everything he knew about Block Atom's use of the brain-tampered Senphatorians. This included information passed to Krabang by Kern MacLowry before the British crook had been arrested.

He had not gotten far before an explosive device triggered by Clean Hornet blasted open the secret entrance to the lair. In charged Nitara Bagram of Earth-Whichever's India, attacking in her tiger-like Rakshasa form. She wasn't entirely immune to the bullets being sprayed at her, but resistant enough that she could get at the gunmen and knock them unconsci0us.

Not being an authentic Rakshasa from Hindu mythology, Nitara DIDN'T enjoy killing people. Also reluctant to take human life was the martial artist Petsarat Kingpavong, Clean Hornet's friend, who charged in right behind her, merely fracturing a few jaws, arms and legs. Much less merciful by temperament when encountering villains was the disfigured Squire Vindictive, who knew these gangsters to be allies of the schemers who had kidnaped and tortured him years ago. But moving in polite company like Miss Bagram, he managed to limit himself to severing a tendon here, a thumb there, and so on.

The readers are invited to assume that Krabang Tudorsidan being handed over to the Laotian authorities resulted in the superhero community acquiring excellent leads to what bad guys were up to on Urth. Indeed, it led to the arrest of the villainesses Hand-Eye and Rattle-Sneak. Don't worry, we can always have them escape from prison if we need them on the loose to liven up the story later.
 
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The two ships which had flown for the Tachyon Loop project, now flew again, back toward Senphatori --but on autopilot, with no living thing on board either craft. This was the first distracter. The second distracter was not MERELY a distracter, but would be part of the real action. The Justified League just hoped that Princess Serrimu would not anticipate WHICH part would be played by the starship being flown by Ululani Atuf and Frankie Chiang.

On what was currently the planet's night side, Block Atom's new second-in-command was on watch, while Block Atom and Serrimu slept. When sensor technicians informed him that the arriving ships had no crew or passengers, Plasstar thundered, "They must have been reconfigured as bomb ships! All stations, maximum alert! Verify locations and vectors of all friendly ships, and search for any additional hostiles! You will destroy hostiles when ordered, or if they show obvious aggression."

Next, both as threat response and to prove to his master how valuable he was in a crisis, Plasstar went outdoors, pointed his hands downward with straightened fingers, and used bursts of his quasi-magical nuclear plasma to propel himself high into the upper atmosphere. A radio earbug passed information to him aboout the approach path of the two empty passenger ships. When he was sure of his aim, he opened fire on the two spacecraft, blowing them to bits.

Meanwhile, Ululani and Frankie's ship was coming in from a different quarter. On board besides the two astronauts were Aquaticman, Queen Maritima, Exohern the antlered mutant, Phormidba the redeemed War Witch, the specialized kung-fu couple from Earth-Whichever's China, and the Shawnee Indian Green Flashlight Mike Deep Swimmer. A Flashlight artifact could not make things and people invisible in the direct sense; but a skilled user like Mike could REDIRECT electromagnetic waves. Mike's Flashlight caused both visible-spectrum light, and radar pulses, to reflect obliquely from the ship --which is to say, he made light and radar bounce off sideways, not returning to radar sets or living eyes.

By the time Block Atom and Princess Serrimu jumped out of bed in response to the intruder alert, Ululani and Frankie had dropped the Tatlantean royal couple off in the ocean, and Green Flashlight Mike was bailing out over the nearest seashore. His power carried Exohern, Phormidba, Mistress Bao and Master Kam along with him to a safe landing. Mike then kept up the cloaking effect on the ship, long enough to give its noncombatant pilots a head start escaping into space where the Tachyon Loop could retrieve them.

Serrimu psychically detected the approximate location where Mike's party landed, and gave her some idea of the powers wielded by this landing party. But she had no clue to the presence on Senphatori of Aquaticman and Maritima. It was a matter of psychic bias. She had lived most of her life in a sub-universe where the most important planet HAD NO oceans, and it was not natural for her to think of danger as approaching from under water.
 
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In order to distract the villains from larger threats, the landing party needed to DO something which Block Atom would take seriously. So they had landed close to a military armory, which of course was now at the service of Block's minions. Arriving at the entrance, Master Kam used his projecting-chi punch to break through the doors. Mistress Bao stood ready to use her attack-deflecting power to protect her companions from harm; so Mike Deep Swimmer could apply his Flashlight energy to a different use.

Before setting out on this mission, Mike had received a special telepathic gift from Professor Crazier. Mike now knew how to form certain words in the Senphatorian written language. Now his Flashlight energy formed multiple glowing signs in the air, facing in all directions. They said:

"PEOPLE OF SENPHATORI, BLOCK ATOM IS USING YOU! HE IMPRISONED PEOPLE FROM URTH WHO HAD DONE HIM NO HARM! HE PLANS TO CONQUER URTH, AND HIS LOVER TAMPERED WITH THE BRAINS OF YOUR PEOPLE WHO WENT TO URTH, SO THEY WOULD NOT WARN THE URTHLINGS. WE HAVE COME TO LIBERATE YOU. AMONG US ARE HEROES WHO CAN FIGHT BLOCK ATOM, AND WE CAN ISSUE WEAPONS TO YOU FOR THE LIBERATION. COME TO THE ARMORY AND JOIN US!

Mike and his team would not blame any civilian for being afraid or in doubt. But the effect of Mike having raised this call to arms at all, could be relied on to attract a response.

The response came in the form of the Senphatorian version of tactical police, led by one of Block Atom's new monster followers who has not been mentioned before now. Teptagorf was a sort of ten-foot-tall woman-- with three heads. Her true specialty was revealed when the two side-heads detached themselves from her shoulders and flew toward the heroes, deploying left and right as they came.

As a veteran of combat in many forms, Mike told Mistress Bao, "You fend off that one, I'll take the other!" His guidance was correct and just barely in time. One flying head spewed out a deadly frost, but Green Flashlight blocked it; the other head breathed flames, but Mistress Bao turned the flames aside. Exohern, meanwhile, had shown that he was as fast in thought as in motion. With no need of instructions, he had acted pre-emptively against the threat of plain gunfire. Appearing in the midst of the S.W.A.T.-team equivalents, he took away each one's gun before they knew what was happening. When the police officers' brains caught up with the fact that they had been disarmed, they were smart enough to realize that the one who disarmed them had CHOSEN not to slay them.

When the flying heads began evasive maneuvers in order to renew their attacks, Master Kam used another long-range chi punch to pulverize the brain of the fire-breathing head, and Phormidba hurled a war-hammer which shattered the skull of the frost-breathing head. The loss of these heads did not kill Teptagorf, but did cause her to fall in a faint.

Mike then addressed the baffled cops: "You all know who and what I am; you know that the Flashlight Corps is a force for good. Block Atom has PRETENDED to have good intentions toward you, but this only proves that SO FAR he feels no need to kill any of you. My speedster friend here could have killed all of you, but he didn't. Now, I don't ask any of you to commit suicide by trying to fight Block Atom yourselves, but don't help him either. You can do your duty by controlling any panic and rioting which might break out as a side effect of your planet's liberation."
 
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When Adam and Proxima Straightup first came to Urth, they had soon let Urthlings know that Senphatori had no such race of mer-people as existed on Urth and Seedubb. There were, however, some giant aquatic amphibians who could be induced to emerge someplace.

Using the information they had been given. Aquaticman and Maritima approached the coast of the same continent where Mike Deep Swimmer's team had landed, but not at a place anywhere near the town with the armory. They caused sixteen of the elephant-sized salamanders to lumber ashore in a seaport, just long enough to capsize some boats moored at a pier, break a few store windows, and scare people. Then the Tatlantieans made the creatures return to the sea, lest they should be killed in what was not their fight. The diversion was all that was needed.

Resorting to their underwater super-speed, the royal couple next headed for a different continent altogether.

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The forces of good were mustered on Awkwardlisp. It was already established who would remain on Urth to guard that planet; the same for Awkwardlisp and even Earth-Whichever. (Whiskey Dallas, and Tin Rin Rin with his humans, went back to Earth-Whichever, since their abilities were especially good for defense.)

Dreamtime Chieftain and Zoorama pooled their divining powers, to determine where Block Atom would be within fifteen minutes after their spellcasting. The answer was given, together with where the mega-villain was NOW. They were gathered beside the planet's wormhole generator, which was big enough to accommodate ALL the heroes in one shot. But suddenly, not waiting out the expected minutes, having not said what was on his mind, Preston asked the two magic-users, "Is the psychic aware that we're coming?"

"I'm afraid she is," replied the shaman, "but she isn't yet sure of the place."

"Then let's change the game! The rest of you continue as planned, but I'm attacking them NOW!!!" And without further discussion, King Preston Truthside activated his own individual space-tunnel power, dropping onto Planet Senphatori as close as possible to where Block Atom currently was. Having figured out by now how his direction-changing eye-beams worked, he was already opening fire as soon as he arrived, not even waiting to exchange defiant words. No innocent person would be harmed-- not even temporarily rendered immobile, which was how the beams worked for him with living targets-- because he WILLED his beams to hit no one but Block Atom.

It worked, and Block Atom was paralyzed. But the villain was powerful enough in his own right that the paralysis wouldn't last long without a repeat dose; and Colonel Gruntygoon's warriors from Planet Lousy Sekondhanstor were there. Seeing their sponsor temporarily disabled, they didn't panic. All of them started shooting at Preston with high-powered railguns-- which couldn't kill him, but did cause enough pain to distract him.

Being human by birth, Preston's empowerment had proven SIGHTLY less than complete. Although the railgun projectiles did him no actual damage, Twerpseid wouldn't even have felt pain from them. And where Preston had to store compressed oxygen inside his lungs to function in a vacuum, Twerpseid would be simply unhindered by vacuum. Still, anyplace where there was breathable air, Preston WAS far more powerful than Block Atom.

If he could fight the master villain one-on-one. Which didn't look like happening, with Plasstar's two sisters now converging on Preston.
 
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From records available on Urth, Truthside and his people knew the location and surroundings of Senphatori's planetary capital, This was where, as close to the ground as safety concerns allowed, the huge dimensional tunnel-mouth opened in the air.

The first things through the opening were sixty flying robots. These were the same type as Twerpseid had used when attacking Urth, but Greensodd's workers, at Preston's orders, had modified them to use non-lethal stunning weapons. The first living things to emerge were Sir Jasper the Gleaming Knight and his human-intelligent steed Winged Virtue. Right behind them, riding a heavy-duty sky-bike, was Martin "Atomic Scalp" Alpert. Martin still was minus his flame powers, but still had his great strength; and he carried a stun-ray gun like those on the robots. Behind him, also on sky-bikes, came a platoon's worth of relatively-ordinary Awkwardlispian soldiers; these carried weapons which might actually kill someone, including a sort of grenade launchers. Following them came superheroes including Doc Slippage and Batfellow.

Their first objective was to take control of the capital city, and gather as many planetary leaders as possible in protective custody, with their families. Actions beyond this would be determined by whether King Truthside succeeded in killing or capturing Block Atom.

This landing force met far less resistance than expected. More than half of the city garrison had been sent overseas in response to the latest diversionary raid by Aquaticman and Maritima. So, that part of the plan had paid off.
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The sisters of Plasstar made the air hard to take, even for Truthside; but levitating himself away from the affected space, he sucked in half an hour's worth of clean air-- then charged right back. His two adversaries were joined by a third alien, also female; he would later learn that her name, as with one of the Heart Sapphires, consisted of musical tones. This third she-devil was tall, thin and long-limbed, with needle-sharp claws on all her digits. She with her claws, and the other two with their fists, assailed him furiously at close quarters.

Their blows had little effect on a man who now possessed the combined strength of FOUR Awkwardlispian royals. Preston broke one wrist of each she-monster, then put them out of action with his paralysis rays. But they had bought time for their master to recover from his own temporary paralysis. Preston was alerted to this fact by the impact of a magic lightning bolt from straight overhead.

Seeing sparks in his eyes, Preston still rose a hundred feet in the air, chasing Block Atom with his direction-changing beams. The villain dodged rapidly; fired back with another lightning bolt; saw that it wasn't strong enough to do more than slow Preston down; and finally fled, too fast for the hero-king to pursue in normal-space motion. Preston tried a sudden wormhole micro-jump, and emerged in midair not far from his enemy; Block Atom used one more lightning bolt to spoil Preston's aim with beams, then closed in to slug it out. But Preston's fists hit far harder than Block's fists; so after less than a minute of close combat, the badly-bruised arch-villain fled at maximum speed.

Half an hour later, Preston received a radio call from Queen Maritima. It turned out that Princess Serrimu had been on the continent the Tatlantean couple had gone to (that was where both evil partners had been when awakened by the alert); but Block Atom showed up to bring her with him (using magical life-support for her, as before) in a hasty escape from Senphatori, abandoning the other villains to their fate. Aquaticman had come off second best at trading punches with Block Atom (which would have gone differently if they had fought underwater), but was not critically injured.

Shrugging, King Preston Truthside wrote off Block Atom's getaway as bad luck. Then he set out to help his followers against Block Atom's monster allies, who were a force to be reckoned with in their own right.

In the end, all of Block Atom's offworld helpers were captured-- with the exception of the reptilian Circle-Slice, whose whereabouts no one, even Zoorama and Dreamtime Chieftain, could ascertain.
 
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NOTICE TO MY READERS:

I said earlier that I intended to add more to Post Number 817. I have now done so.
 
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The Awkwardlispian sergeant in charge of one squad of airborne soldiers passed a report that his squad had found and released Adam and Proxima Straightup. The couple had been stashed in an ordinary jail in an outlying city; they had not been fed much, but were otherwise well.

Black Parakeet and Nonwhite Lightning approached Preston, and the former said, "One of the men we rounded up for protection told me there's a sub-cellar under the legislative hall, and it has at times been used for maximum-secret experiments. I have an awful feeling that I know the reason why Block Atom simply ran away when you were beating him, instead of trying some sneaky trick. Block Atom may have LEFT SOMETHING down in that sub-cellar, which would somehow strike back for him."

Jelvor Bozzi, the senator-equivalent mentioned by Parakeet, was talking meanwhile with Doc Slippage and Batfellow. When Parakeet and Lightning brought Preston to join them, Batfellow addressed the novice king:

"Mister Bozzi here has never been in the secret basement himself, but he took part in recent hearings which discussed the security measures for the place. Those hearings led to Princess Serrimu, Block Atom's consort, being allowed to enter that basement alone; and no one else has gone into it since she came out."

Preston got a really bad feeling about this-- and instantly ordered that EVERYBODY must run, not walk, away from the legislative hall.

While hundreds of people were fleeing in fairly good order, Doc Slippage told Preston, "If you need any kind of assistance, Brutus and I are with you." Preston replied, "Hang back for now. If you don't see me after two minutes, then investigate." So the two crimefighters reluctantly joined the retreat.

When there was no one else closer to the legislative hall than half a mile, Preston determined in his mind what he was going to do. First he formed a personal wormhole, straight into where the secret sub-cellar should be. It was totally dark. He emitted a little of his eye-beam energy to be able to see. Something electronic and complex-looking was there.

And its lights were blinking.

Preston didn't wait to discover anything further. Forming a new dimensional tunnel within the vault, he propelled the mystery apparatus into Senphatori's sun.

Later, with Doc Slippage and Batfellow among his interested listeners, he described what he had seen to some local scientists who held high security clearances. They told him that what he had seen represented an experimental advancement in reactor technology. But the apparatus THEY remembered had never had a time-bomb-looking blinky thing attached to it.

In summary, everyone was glad that there HADN'T been any planet-shaking kaboom.
 
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"Mister Stoob!" exclaimed Valerie Champohun, the oldest woman currently serving in the Stellar Assembly. She had been looking for Vogg Stoob, the Awkwardlispian astrographer, who had gained goodwill on Federal Earth by adding to the Human Federation's knowledge of the galaxy. She found him in a holo-image library, where he was trying not to look amused at early human starship designs.

"What can I do for you, Delegate Champohun?"

"The John Paul Johnson has just come home, and its captain wishes to meet you." Valerie was referring to a Unified Services warship which had set out weeks ago, to follow up clues provided by Vogg. Because travel possibilities from Awkwardlisp were more nearly infinite than from any version of Earth, Vogg's predecessors in his astrography career had traveled much farther than anyone from Federal Earth even dreamed of going. Offering practical application of this advantage, Vogg had revealed that Twerpseid had long since known all about the Creepycrawlids. To Twerpseid, the people-eating mega-bugs were laughable, no menace at all; but he had caused their occupied worlds to be catalogued in a minor database. The database entries shared by Vogg Stoob had been a priceless bonus to Human Federation intelligence on the enemy.

The John Paul Johnson had not set out on its own power; instead, it had been CARRIED INSIDE the gigantic Naughtygator jumpship which had been captured for Federal Earth's use by Thunder-Master Thorpe, Mopey-One Kanoli and other visiting heroes. Not prematurely attacking any Creepycrawlid-held planets, the warship had collected more data on each hostile world.

Valerie presently introduced Vogg Stoob to the officer who had commanded the survey mission: Captain Hannah Mulenga. Shaking hands with the Awkwardlispian, the commanding officer of the John Paul Johnson positively bubbled with enthusiasm: "Professor Stoob, even after all you and your fellow offworlders have done to help us, you still may not fully grasp what a difference you've made! The space-warping power wielded by the Bugs is crude in a way, able only to transport mobs of Bugs to land on planets, or asteroids to smash into them; but the crudeness has been outweighed, from THEIR point of view, by being untraceable. In decades of fighting them, we've never been able to pinpoint where their space-jump launches originate. But your star charts and planet-catalogues are making it possible at last for us to SEE THE OTHER END of the process."
 
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Juan and Lizzie Ricosuave had given such good service for so long, that they were being given some leave time. Life-science technology was already sophisticated enough on Federal Earth, that the martial newlyweds would be able to make some perfectly healthy little soldiers in a relatively short time. Lizzie's parents, unlike Juan's, were living, and could assume care of their grandchildren after maternity leave expired, and until their daughter's obligated service ended.

If Hoodunnit and Lydia have been depicted someplace away from the "Starship Troopers"-based sub-reality, just assume that they're back now. They would want to do all they could to make sure Juan and Lizzie BOTH lived to retire from the Movable Infantry and raise their family. In this connection, they will have pressed Juan's friend Ace Basey to accept an officer's commission at last.

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Setting forth again inside Tupragon's vast Naughtygator space-carrier, the John Paul Johnson was joined by the same-class troopship Gustavus Randolphus. Warrant Officer Harry Biffo, recently promoted from sergeant first class, commanded half of the infantry soldiers assigned to the Johnson; the other half had their C.O. and their Exec both in hospital, so Vastbulk of Hallpasscard was assuming temporary command over them. As reinforcing Starship Grunt units, the Randolphus carried the Applejackers under the also-temporary command of Second Lieutenant Ace Basey, and another platoon led by First Lieutenant Lydia Jawad-Pensive.

All of these troopers now possessed the new claw-proof Awkwardlispian body armor. One in every five of the soldiers had been issued a laser weapon. Then there was an autonomous heavy-weapons squad. It had three heavy weapons:

>> A crew-served heavy railgun, with nearly 50 percent the penetrating power of Jacob Mossyhutch's absurd gravity gun;

>> An experimental crew-served sonic-vibration weapon;

>> And Hoodunnit the Pensive.

Brigadier Earl Pufferton, the Federal Earth telepath, was on board the Randolphus. For an encouraging surprise, King Garryowen's magic birds, Ignore-It and Forget-It, came aboard the Johnson; they would be able to improve even Tupragon's mental scouting of space.

Correlating Vogg Stoob's charting, Tupragon's intuition, records of past interstellar offensives masterminded by Psionic Bugs, and real-time scouting by Ignore-It and Forget-It, the task force bore down on a planet which had no name in any human language, but which had to be the origin point of some recent Creepycrawlid attacks. Tupragon's carrier ship returned to normal space just inside the target star system's equivalent. Earl Pufferton met with Ace, Lydia and Hoodunnit, while Tupragon, Vastbulk, Warrant Officer Biffo, and Garryowen's magic birds sat in via holographic link. They discussed the layout of Creepycrawlid anthills on the planet, an how much ground-penetrating ordnance would be needed to annihilate each of them with certainty.

The consensus was "Plenty, to the tenth power." But the Naughtygator ship was an additional advantage for the human side. The two Federation Earth ships, after dropping their bomb loads, would quickly dodge back inside the enormous carrier ship. Its hull could withstand the plasma bolts which were the Creepycrawlids' only way of shooting UP at an enemy in flight.

Forget-It said to Earl, "You told us that the Creepycrawlids can read non-insectoid minds only at very close range. But can they detect the mere presence of living minds farther off, if intercepting specific thoughts is not an issue?"

"An intelligent question. Yes, they can detect basic presence farther off. But as far as the Unified Services have been able to ascertain, the increment still is not far enough to do them any good in this instance."

"Meaning that the Bugs won't know to evacuate the targeted nests," added Lydia.

"Then we shall proceed as planned," said Ignore-It.
 
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Naturally enough in magical sapient beings, the two Hallpasscardian birds enjoyed broad-spectrum communicative abilities. Working together, Tupragon and Earl had identified the two most populous insectoid communities on the planet. Ignore-It flew at supersonic velocity (a mere crawl compared to his potential top speed) to pass above a seaside nest, while Forget-It headed for a colony in a mountain range. Both birds called out to the ruling Psionic Bugs, telling them in substance:

YOU ARE NOT THE _ONLY_ ONES WHO CAN DROP LARGE OBJECTS ONTO AN INHABITED WORLD AT RELATIVISTIC SPEED. YOU WERE THE ORIGINAL AGGRESSORS, BUT WE CAN STRIKE THE _FINAL_ BLOW IF YOU CONTINUE HOSTILITIES. IF YOU STOP INVADING WORLDS WITH INTELLIGENT BEINGS, WE CAN CO-EXIST. BUT WE ARE GROWING STRONGER, WHILE _YOU_ CANNOT EASILY IMPROVE UPON YOUR PRESENT CAPABILITIES. BEFORE ANOTHER PLANETARY ROTATION IS COMPLETED, WE WILL DEMONSTRATE WHAT WE CAN DO TO YOU.

WE WILL STRIKE A SPOT EXACTLY HALFWAY BETWEEN YOUR TWO BIGGEST SETTLEMENTS. YOU MAY SEND OBSERVERS FROM YOUR NESTS TO WATCH THE IMPACT; THESE WILL NOT BE HARMED. AFTER THE DEMONSTRATION, WE WILL RETURN TO THE AIRSPACE OVER YOUR MAJOR NESTS, AND WE WILL BE ABLE TO RECEIVE ANY THOUGHT- PROJECTION YOU SEND. IF AT THAT TIME YOU SEE REASON, WE CAN AND WILL COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT REACHING AN ACCOMMODATION. YOU CAN SENSE THAT WE _ARE_ ABLE TO UNDERSTAND YOU, SO PRETENDING TO BE UNABLE TO REACH US WILL NOT WORK. IF THEN YOU REFUSE TO EXCHANGE THOUGHTS-- (Creepycrawlid minds had no concept of "negotiation," but Ignore-It and Forget-It managed to upload the meaning to the Psionic Bugs who were "hearing" them) --WE WILL COMMENCE DESTRUCTION OF ALL YOUR COLONY STRUCTURES THAT ARE VISIBLE FROM THE SKY. YOU CANNOT GAIN ANYTHING BY OPPOSING US.

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The Creeepycrawlids did assign observers. The John Paul Johnson dropped a kinetic penetrator. At the speed of its fall, no explosive warhead was needed. The resultant crater was more than three hundred feet deep, with horizontal area nearly half the size of the Tunguska crater in the Siberia of Original Earth.

Nonetheless, the Creepycrawlids' notion of diplomacy was to open fire skyward with as many Plasma Bugs as they could bring to bear.
 
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The Gustavus Randolphus was over the coastal site, meaning that a troop landing would be a little easier. The John Paul Johnson's troop contingent was going to have it harder breaking into the mountain colony. Each of these Human Federation warships had brought two of the kinetic bunker-busters, and the one used in the warning demonstration had come from the Randolphus, so that the Johnson could use both of its own kinetic warheads breaking into the more-shielded enemy nest. Also, the squadron of atmospheric fighter-bombers carried by Randolphus loaned two of its planes to the other squadron. And of course, Johnson had both of the hard-to-kill Hallpasscardian warriors, plus the railgun and the sonic projector.

Once all combat assets were deployed, the Naughtygator ship would bring the two troopships back inside its nearly-impervious hull for protection-- the Johnson first. But Randolphus was not altogether getting a raw deal. Time spent with Mopey-One Kanoli had enabled Earl Pufferton to learn mental exercises which would give his telepathy more of a long-distance effect. Thus, although he was located on board Johnson, his mind could and did reach all the way to the seacoast location. There, he interfered with the Psionic Bugs who were controlling the plasma-shooting bugs to shoot at Randolphus and its aircraft. As a result, casualties for the Randolphus were kept very low in the landing phase.

Back with Johnson, still in space, Vastbulk made use of the Hallpasscardian ability to endure vacuum for short periods. From an open airlock, he tossed out a series of half-ton bombs onto the already-breached mountain colony. Once this was finished, the landing would proceed.

Even the durable Hoodunnit was not about to attempt a free-fall jump FROM ORBIT, all the way down to a mountainside. But when his shuttle, with the special-weaponry squad, got within a hundred vertical feet of solid granite, he sprang out the same airlock Vastbulk had used for bombing. Like Thorpe, Hoodunnit was a lead-from-the-front sort of warrior. Even Thorpe wouldn't have been able instantly to slaughter ALL the Creepycrawlids emerging from the breach; but Hoodunnit intended to produce enough disorder in the enemy ranks that his friends coming behind him would have less difficulty.

To make this part brief, Hoodunnit single-handedly slew forty-four Creepycrawlids with his axe and sword, before he was wounded too badly to continue. Harry Biffo had some soldiers evacuate him from the battle. The railgun crew positioned themselves for the widest possible field of fire, to kill warrior-bugs boiling out from numerous holes. The sonic blaster, by contrast, was placed to shoot straight into the interior of the mountain hive; its relentless back-and-forth spectrum of infrasonic and ultrasonic waves would be conducted ever deeper along passageways, killing or stunning hundreds more of the enemy. Ace and Lydia, meanwhile, faced action that was relatively conventional for the Starship Grunts, and secured a clear victory about half an hour sooner than the other force did.

This meant Lydia could finally allow herself to go and scold her new husband for taking so much of the danger on himself.

Three hours after that, Earl Pufferton pronounced the two large nests to be purged of all effective resistance. There still were other Creepycrawlid hives on the planet, but they were not moving against the Starship Grunts. After making sure that all captive Psionic Bugs were drugged into submission, Earl asked Ignore-It and Forget-It to go and issue a warning to the remaining bug-towns. The birds told them, in essence: "YOU SEE THAT WE CAN KICK YOUR BUTTS. WHEN WE RETURN TO THIS PLANET, YOU WILL ALL BE GIVEN A FAIR CHANCE TO REASON WITH US FOR FUTURE PEACE. DON'T PASS UP THE OPPORTUNITY; IT'S THE BEST OFFER YOU'RE GOING TO GET. AND DON'T SHOOT ANY MORE ASTEROIDS IN THE MEANTIME, IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
 
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In the "Mediumgard" solar system, on the planetoid Hallpasscard, at the home end of the Dentfloss Bridge, Timekall Bridgekeeper was receiving his once-each-thirty-years medical examination by Royal Physician Welbymark. Absent any battle wounds, this was purely a formality, since Timekall never got sick.

"Excuse me, Doctor, but I sense an activation on Forgeworld. I believe Nawtyfeller is about to pay a call on us." (The never-tiring sentry was referring to the midget giant who had created the battleaxe Stormcracker for Thorpe, to slay the ogre-emperor Flatnose.) "Would you please be so kind as to ask Ballwun the Uncommonly Decent to join us here?" A magical cell-trumpet call sufficed to bring Ballwun, current bearer of Oatmealnir (and the reluctant slayer of Prince Croaki when Croaki had sided with Flatnose), along with his wife Lady Gretala, and Orvodi the Queen's lady-in-waiting, all interested to see the otherworldly artisan.

When the midget giant stepped forth off of Dentfloss, he greeted everyone in front of him, then told them:

"I have just received an utterly unexpected visitor on Forgeworld. If I understand his explanation right, he is from an alternate version of Hallpasscard, but was held prisoner for several years in some extra-dimensional pocket-universe kind of place called Hopecrusher Central. Only minutes before he appeared in front of me, he had been rescued by a good-aligned wizard called Hector von Bootblack. Hector had sadly told him that HIS world, 'Flashgard,' had been destroyed, but said that he could find a home on Hallpasscard."

"I see him coming," Timekall interjected. "Why, he looks like--!"

Then a black-haired man stood before them, announcing:

"Yes, I look like him, but I'm on the side of good. I am called Lowerkey."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, on Mediumgard Earth, ex-missionaries Lance and Shelley Heflln had returned to the United States. They were met at Duller-Dullest Airport by their adult daughter, the widowed Adelaide Kapstein, whose husband Marty had been a fighter pilot and had died a hero's death in the defense against Flatnose. Adelaide was now supporting herself and her kindergarten-age daughter Galina by selling bath and skincare products of her own formulating. Lance and Shelley had some thoughts about this.....
 
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Receiving word from the Dentfloss terminal about Lowerkey's arrival, King Garryowen and Queen Sprigga hastened on foot to meet him in person. They were halfway there when they were joined by Ignore-It and Forget-It. The first bird told the royal couple, "Things went well with your warriors and the Starship Grunts, but clearly this can wait, since other developments have occurred."

Lowerkey stared even more gapingly at Garryowen and Sprigga than they stared at him. "Your Majesties...... you both look EXACTLY LIKE the couple who raised me on Flashgard. Now they dwell in Valvilla. I had been wounded in the battle, and they evacuated me-- but it's a long story."

"We shall willingly hear it out soon-- son of sorts?" replied Sprigga.

Forget-It fluttered over to land on his shoulder, and declared, "I sense that your own adoptive parents had no counterparts of my brother and me, but had their own ways of gathering knowledge." Then he looked back at Garryowen and Sprigga. "Yes, Your Majesties, he IS a timeline counterpart of Croaki, and he IS on the side of good."

"Then he is heartily welcome!" boomed Hallpasscard's king, advancing to embrace his new substitute son. Over her husband's shoulder, the Queen assured Lowerkey, "Thorpe won't be jealous; he'll be happy to have a brother who DOESN'T repay his kindness by trying to kill him and millions of mortal Earthlings."

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +

On the Earth-variant of this sub-reality, the young blonde widow Adelaide Heflin Kapstein, keeping little Galina on an elastic child-leash, led her parents, Galina's grandparents, to the hotel shuttle-stop. A stress-free hotel stay, Adelaide reasoned, would help the missionary couple get over the jet lag. All through check-in and settling down to rest, Lance and Shelley sporadically talked to each other in Chinese. All they would tell their daughter about this was that they were fondly remembering a fabulously wise and profound Buddhist monk they had met during their final months in China.

>> Your author here notes that Lance and Shelly remembered Drigum Namdre only for his vague spiritual talk. He had made sure they DIDN'T remember that it was he who programmed their gullible brains to adore Marxism.

The next afternoon, the four persons from three generations boarded a flight for Des Moines, Iowa. During the flight, a stewardess addressed Adelaide: "Are you Mrs. Kapstein, the one who makes Adelaide's Essences lotions?"

Adelaide smiled, reflexively fishing out a card to give to the other woman. "That's me. This card has a scratch-off code on the back, to give you a ten percent discount with online orders."

The attendant smiled back. "Thank you, Mrs. Kapstein. I see it's another six weeks till the card's expiration date. Good thing, because I still haven't used up all my current supply of your products."

After the stewardess moved on, Shelly whispered to her daughter: "I saw the card. So did you actually name your business after yourself?"

"Of course I did. I'm the founder, the chief executive officer, and the entire workforce."

Lance quietly cleared his throat. Shelly took the cue, and would wait until Iowa before explaining to Adelaide that individual ownership of property was tantamount to stealing from the people's collective.

+ + + + + + + + + + +
 
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Timekall Bridgekeeper said to Lowerkey, "I see all across the galaxy, but I never saw Flashgard. Is it in a different galaxy?"

The good-aligned version of the Marvel Comics version of the Norse trickster-god Loki nodded. "If you know about the planet New Laziness--" (Timekall nodded in turn at this) "--Flashgard was in a galaxy neighboring your galaxy, but in the opposite direction from the galaxy containing New Laziness. My adoptive parents there--" (he faced Garryowen and Sprigga) "--looked very much like Your Majesties, but were named Odang and Frizza. Our Thunder-Master was called Thumpor, and he got married very young-- barely over two centuries-- to our Lady Snish.

"They had five children, making them one of the six most fertile married couples in Flashgarder history. The eldest of these, their son Rathdirk, became a fine warrior. At the age of ninety-two years, he died a most noble death saving a primitive world from invading monsters. The other four still are living-- I say still living, because at the time Flashgard was destroyed they were far away, working to help a space colony develop its world. As far as any of us Flashgarder survivors know, they're still safe, and have yet to learn that they are orphans."

"So who destroyed your home?" asked Garryowen. "And why were you taken prisoner at that time?"

"Second question first, new father. I am the only version of myself who ISN'T morally defective; and the Hopecrushers, who of course hate any movement TOWARD goodness, wanted to study me, as part of building methods to prevent moral reform. This leads us to your first question, because the Hopecrushers had a hand in the destruction of my native world.

"Their main contribution to the evil campaign was something they had prepared years before. Some of them had visited a magic-using world, where they suborned a once- virtuous Elvish queen. She was called Girlygal of Leafylawn. They told her something to the effect that if she chose evil, somehow it wouldn't be VERY evil..... that she would be universally admired for her sophistication, and that all would love her and despair. When Girlygal took the bait and went bad, she changed her name to Heckla..... and she failed to notice that she had become LESS beautiful, not more.

"According to the little I've heard, her then-husband tried to dissuade her from this new course-- and she murdered him, telling their grown children that he had been 'trying to control her, because patriarchy.' Having chosen evil in full understanding of what she was doing, she became reprobate, with no conscience left at all. She even killed two or three low-ranking Hopecrushers, just to test her new strength. Hopecrusher Central didn't care about losing a couple of expendable underlings in exchange for gaining a new super-villainess. Once briefed on the plans of the Hopecrushers, which were now pleasing to her mind, she used her magic to prevent us from knowing that an invasion was imminent.

"Heckla was assigned to fill us with doubt, while picking off some of our warriors in outlying locations. This did not include Thumpor's adult children; we know she would have boasted of slaying them if she had found them. But one whom she did murder was our counterpart of your Ballwun.

"When the genocidal onslaught began, space warships from two planets unfriendly to us bombarded Flashgard. Those enemy planets probably aren't exact counterparts of any worlds known to you. Our defenses shot down almost all of those warships, but they opened the way for the landing-- which didn't even come by ship. Some sort of wormholes brought in the ground attack. These originated from a planet which I know you know of: Awkwardlisp."

Sprigga frowned. "Yes, we know of Awkwardlisp. We've been compelled to teach them harsh lessons a few times over the centuries."

"Then they never took your lessons to heart," said Lowerkey. "Their own world's army was led by a high leader named Trippenwonk. Other evildoers joined them, as did a truly gigantic dragonoid called the Kaijusaurus." He looked at his feet. "They began killing as soon as they emerged from their space tunnels. Even our Bridgekeeper couldn't see them in time, the way they came in."

"King Odang wounded Trippenwonk, but was killed from behind by Heckla. Thumpor and Snish slew the Kaijusaurus before they went after Heckla. Thumpor wounded Heckla in turn, but he and Snish both fell to her strange magic blades.

"Heavy weapons brought by the Awkwardlispians began wrecking everything on our planetoid. The only reason why any of our people survived was that outside help came. We hadn't realized that our galaxy contained another world like Flashgard; but it did, and somehow they learned about OUR existence and our calamity, then used a wormhole of their own to hurry to our aid."

"I personally was grabbed up by Hopecrushers who had arrived with Trippenwonk, and who then fled to escape the wrath of the rescuers. Thus, I didn't get a close look at the Jumpstardeans; Jumpstard is their world's name. I did find out that their champion, corresponding to our Thumpor and your Thorpe, is called Bakerstray Bill. Heckla had been weakened enough by Thumpor that Bakerstray was able to slay her, and good riddance. All survivors of our people who were present on Flashgard, were evacuated to Jumpstard."

"From what I learned in Hopecrusher Central, the Jumpstardeans have never visited this galaxy, and they don't know of Hallpasscard's existence. But it looks as if they are now the leading force for good in my native galaxy. As for my captors, they released me so I could come here. They must be hoping to achieve some evil purpose by sending me, so I won't blame you if you take precautions."

"We will watch you closely," Ignore-It assured him. King Garryowen added: "But we won't assume you are corrupted. Maybe us being needlessly untrusting toward you is exactly what the Hopecrushers want to see, so we'll give them no satisfaction."
 
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Inserting this NOW because I just found it!

I'm not the only one who thinks that if Asajj Ventress quit the side of evil, she and Obi-Wan would have made an EXCELLENT couple.

 
INTRODUCING THE PLANETOID JUMPSTARD.......

Of all the long-lived humanoids who had been rescued by Bakerstray Bill from the fall of King Odang's realm, the highest-ranking survivor was Princess Frypanna, baby sister of the deceased Thumpor.

In her brief two hundred sixty-eight years of life, not counting god-or-demon types, Frypanna had met persons from twenty-two NON-humanoid intelligent races. She therefore was never disturbed simply by a new acquaintance having a different anatomy. But if she had learned sooner that her galaxy hosted a SECOND comicbook-ish version of the Asgard in Original Earth mythology, she would have automatically expected the Jumpstardeans to look as much like Earth humans as Flashgarders did.

In the stampeding frenzy of being rescued, and in the urgent efforts to make sure that no still-living Flashgarder was left behind, Frypanna had seen that the Jumpstarders each had two arms and two legs, wore clothes and stood upright. They even enjoyed the plotline-convenient feature of speaking a language which Flashgarders would understand. But only after every surviving Flashgarder had been shepherded through the wormhole to Jumpstard had Frypanna gotten a close-up look at her saviors.

They were pretty much human-like below the neck, though larger physically. But their heads were more dog-like. As the default leader of her people, Frypanna was promptly presented to the Odin-and-Frigga counterparts of Jumpstard: King Wolfwoofin and Queen Wagga.

"Pardon our haste, Your Highness," Wagga said immediately, "but we need to know if your people have a symbiotic mortal race, as we have."

"Our own mortals live in the same star system as our planetoid," added Wolfwoofin, "but Bakerstray Bill reports that he can't find a regular mortal world in your system."

"Ours are in the closest neighboring system," the now-orphaned princess explained. "Our own rainbow bridge leads-- USED TO lead-- straight to our Earth-counterpart in that other system."

The king nodded his doggy head. "Then you will already be wondering if the Hopecrusher invasion struck that planet also. As acting queen of the Flashgarder people, are you willing to give our sky-searchers the correct star to look at, then accompany Bill to that mortal world? You have our promise that your fellow Flashgarders will receive good care in the meantime."

"That would appear to be my duty, noble king. And I may also then find out what became of Lowerkey."
 
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Copperfox's own laptop is being repaired at present. So here is one more story post, taking place on "Mediumgard Earth."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

In front of the home of their widowed daughter Adelaide on the outskirts of Des Moines Iowa, Shelley and Lance Heflin --mainly Shelley-- decided that it was high time to start lecturing her about the belief system for which they had unconsciously discarded the Biblical gospel. Adelaide's preschooler Galina was crouching to observe an anthill, so Shelley took her cue from this.

"You know that King Solomon used ants as a positive example in Proverbs, right? As an inspired leader, he wouldn't choose his illustration randomly. Ants exist for the anthill: no separate agendas, no discord, no mavericks running off on their own. All the ants in a colony are united as one. Isn't that beautiful?"

Ever since yesterday, Adelaide had been troubled by the strangest feeling that something was off with her parents. She recalled her mother seeming displeased at the fact that she, Adelaide, had bestowed her own name on her home business. But she would not be hasty to assume something was wrong/ She did, however, casually drop a probing question."

"Was that an illustration you and Dad used when you spoke with Chinese nationals about Jesus?"

Shelley smiled broadly. "Why, yes, we DID use ants as an illustration when we spoke about the need for all people everywhere to agree with each other."

"Um, okay. And did you also find nature-based analogies useful when describing salvation by grace through faith?"

Shelley grinned even harder. "For sure, all sorts of living creatures can serve as proof that all humans benefit by a collective society."
 
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>> PLANET KUMMANOKKIN:

Vin Gasleen, a soldier for the Republic of Lots of Worlds currently on detached duty, was doing well as a caravan guard for the single-footed locals. While the Kummanokkinite natives could not ride sitting on any animal's back, some human-type visitors had long since domesticated ostrich-like animals called Zatpids. Vin had taken to riding a Zatpid, as he accompanied wagons drawn by the Shupshoops which found it convenient to walk backwards while in harness.

At the moment we rejoin Vin, he had lately repelled a bandit attack, slaying five raiders with long-range rifle fire, two more at point-blank range, and three in hand-to-hand combat. Eight others had been taken alive, and were being put to forced labor until the caravan arrived at a city where a trial could be held. Being Kummanokinites themselves, the unsuccessful robbers with their hopping gait could not efficiently pull anything like a wagon together; accordingly, each was made to carry a heavy pack individually, taking some of the load off of the draft animals.

One day short of their destination town, Vin received a radio call from the Wall-Warden at his headquarters town.

"Vin, do you know anything about Banjolorians?"

"Yes, a human tribe that produces fine warriors. Master Kanoli has told me plenty about them. What, are some of them on-world now?"

"Yes, five of them, led by a Banjolorian woman called Bulky Tanya. They're searching for a sacred relic of their people, called the Dimsaber."

"They don't think I have it, do they?" Vin asked.

"No, they don't even know if it's on this planet. But they say it COULD be here, and they intend to ask you to be on the lookout for it."

"You don't want me to divert from Filzosh, do you?"--referring to the town at the far end of this run.

"No, they'll fly out to meet you. They've been on this world before; Bulky Tanya can even speak some of our language."

"Is there any reason I need to keep this a secret from the caravan drovers?"

"Not necessary. Some of them have even heard the legends of the Dimsaber."
 
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Shrinkdin Trush, an officer of Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn. possessed a ship with plotline-convenient high-grade cloaking technology. This ship had landed covertly in the town square of Filzosh, where Shrinkdin's gunmen had taken leading citizens hostage. All the townsfolk were cowed by the threat of harm to their leaders and elders; thus, they gave no warning to the caravan that arrived under Vin Gasleen's guardianship. Not having The Fuss to alert him against ambush, Vin was taken prisoner moments after he passed the town gates. The Zatpid Vin rode was shot; Shrinkdin felt like holding a barbecue.

Shrinkdin was a blue-skinned Chisskurdian, like his admiral. He had a blue-haired pre-adolescent daughter named Siskeli, who had shown potential in The Fuss. The Popquizzitor Sweetslayer, before being captured by Master Quinine Sauce, had made time to run Siskeli through exercises with Fuss intuition. Shrinkdin had judged this enough as a start, and then had begun bringing his daughter along on missions to observe how the fleet worked. If she bot to be a Popquizzitor, she would often work with non-metahuman personnel.

Shrinkdin shouted into the face of the handcuffed Vin Gasleen: "What do you know about the Dimsaber?"

"I know that such a weapon exists, that it originated with the Banjolorians, that it's lost now, and that they're currently trying to find it."

Shrinkdin, considerably less reasonable than his master, screamed louder: "You're hiding what you really know! Youi know WHERE the Dimsaber is! I'll teach you to be so defiant!" Then he gestured to one of his soldiers, who evidently had been expecting a cue. This woman abruptly shot one of the lately-arrived caravan drovers through the head. Meanwhile, the officer punched Vin in the face, "Stop disobeying me! Daughter, step forward. See if you can fish out something from his thoughts."

Siskeli had the soldiers force Vin onto his knees, so she could touch his head. Half a minute later: "Everything he said to you is true. It does seem to me that he was told a name of one Banjolorian conducting the search, but he really doesn't know if the Dimsaber is on this planet."

"So you WERE holding back something!" barked Shrinkdin, and signaled the same woman to shoot another Kummanokkin.

"I'm not playing, Mister Gasleen! What was the name?"

"You probably already know Banjolorians better than I do. Her name is Bulky Tanya; how does that change anything?"

"You want to see CHANGE?"-- and the leader began to gesture again. Something exploded inside Vin. The men holding him assumed that any sudden move by him would be lunging forward, so he launched a tremendous back somersault, exerting force against their grip in an unexpected direction. Landing behind them, he dropped his manacles around one man's neck, swung this man into the air, knocked the other nearby man to the ground, then threw his captive straight into the female shooter. Awkwardly but quickly grabbing up the dropped gun of the man he had thrown, Vin blasted three more soldiers who were aiming at him. Then he swung his aim toward Shrinkdin--

--only to freeze when young Siskeli interposed herself in front of her father.

Vin Gasleen would not shoot any child, nor shoot any female who was not a genuine threat. His freezing up, caused by his own inner goodness, would have cost him his life, if not for the bystanding Kummanokkinites. Vin's actions had caught the attention of ALL the bad guys, and now the one-footers mobbed their enemies. No fewer than four adult natives tackled every one of the Imperial personnel. Even Siskeli was clubbed on the head, only hard enough to stun her so she couldn't attempt any mind control.

Once all surviving evildoers were well subdued, Vin saw that his own communicator had been broken, so he requested the use of a local radio. This being arranged, Vin called his friend the Wall Warden. Quickly reporting what had occurred in Filzosh, he added:

"If Bulky Tanya still is coming, tell her that enemies of hers have tried to get ahead of her and intercept her party!"
 
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Upon first receiving the call from Bulky Tanya, Wall-Warden Stoograp in Hidden Spring had passed word to his planet's loosely-ruling central government. An official investigator, a single-footer female named Pwingteek, had set out by airship for Hidden Spring.

Bulky Tanya's ship entered atmosphere above Stoograp's town before Miss Pwingteek arrived. Stoograp was able to fill the interval by telling the visiting Banjolorians about persons on this world who might help them with inquiries. Tanya was accompanied by three males of her civilization, calling themselves Morose, Lariat and Curdle. All four visitors possessed Banjolorian helmets, but did not insist on always wearing them. After Stoograp had done all the briefing he could, Tanya requested to talk to Vin Gasleen if possible. It was possible.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Vin Gasleen kept the Banjolorians waiting until he had attended the saying of solemn words over the murdered Kummanokkinites. This done, he got on the frequency and told Tanya as much as he knew. The Banjolorian woman showed no sadness over the deaths indirectly caused by her quest, but of course she had had no way to foresee those deaths.

"Warrior Gasleen, are you prepared to interrogate the offenders-- kinetically?"

"I doubt it, Miss Bulky. They have a fledgling Fuss user among them, who is the leader's daughter. She isn't cultivated in her down-side powers, but she might find the strength to do harm to us all if I set out to torture her father."

"Then shoot her head off before she can muster that much power!"

"I won't do that, Miss Bulky. But if I don't drive the kid to desperation, I think I can keep a lid on the situation until you and local authorities get here."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
 
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