Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Jersey Earth:

The general population of this Earth-variant now understood firmly in their hearts that ALL Green Flashlights, regardless of bodily shape, were on the side of good. They also understood by now that the Heart Sapphire Sisters, though equally well-intentioned, and better-looking in human eyes, had proven much LESS WISE than the Flashlights.

The cricketoid Green Flashlight Shimtuku and the lobsteroid Green Flashlight Chubkripdak, now accepted as friends by all humans they met, were cruising to and fro, helping with recovery efforts everywhere they went. Apart from the special case of Princess Grrryll, who had been made a Heart Sapphire under unusual circumstances on Planet New Laziness, all Sapphire Sisters still present on Jersey Earth who had NOT flown away were now toiling in good faith to undo the damage they had caused. This included the especially tall woman with a musical name, who had almost been slain by Grrrryll. Grrrryll was not working in good faith, SHE was working under threat of execution.

The Heart Sapphires could produce food and water in quantity, accelerate growth of useful vegetation, cure diseases, and heal the sick, far better than the Flashlight Corps could do, so the Flashlights and their allied heroes were leaving this to the Sisterhood. The Flashlights, for their part, were better at building large structures and repairing existing ones, and even at generating electricity to run assorted machines, in order to renew the INFRASTRUCTURE of an industrialized world. In this area of work, Shimtuku showed his excellence with machines or buildings which had lots of small, complex parts, while Chubkripdak found his niche working with massive burdens and mechanisms.

Chubkripdak and Shimtuku were heading to Pakistan to continue restoration work, when Sister Nolarivu Pamizo-Stewmeat contacted them concerning the deranged American teenager Sawyer Boyd. Sawyer had gone with Sister Tahushio Bleebu (the one with an extra finger on each hand) to Saskatchewan, Canada. Nolarivu --and Trace Dickey with his new Fuss abilities-- had an intuition that Sawyer was going to make more trouble than they would have thought him capable of.

"You're more a hot-weather type than I am," the lobsteroid told the cricketoid. "You continue to Pakistan, I'll check up on the dopey kid."

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Several Native Canadians, Algonquin tribe, joined an otherwise-white crowd to hear what Sawyer Boyd had to say. The Heart Sapphires had been talking up how enlightened the East Coast boy was. Sawyer knew next to nothing about Native traditions, but made an attempt to establish rapport with his Algonquin hearers.

"The lizard is my spirit animal! By the force of my feelings, the lizard spirit has allowed me to BECOME the lizard I now am! All of you can find your own spirit animals, if you simply break free from the cold, harsh, nasty grip of heartless logic! The advancement of love and freedom is now in peril, because of interference by hatemongers; but it isn't too late to turn back the tide. Join Sister Tahushio! Join me! Be the gods and goddesses you are meant to be! Ride forward in the fluid flow of the Universe, and build a world of spiritual joy!"

The eldest Algonquin present, a fiftyish man called Roger Tree Root, was watching this display with rather less approval than most other listeners. He was noticed and recognized by the approaching Chubkripdak, who had seen him once before.

"Mister Tree Root, isn't it?"--ignoring the others present.

"Yes, Crayfish Warrior;" and Roger grasped one of Chubkripdak's secondary forelimbs in a handshake. "Have you come to hear this empty-headed boy raving?"

"I've heard some of it before, but you know what I would rather hear? I would rather hear you telling THEM how my friend Poradsimu and I worked on reactivating the utilities in your town."
 
Last edited:
Giving Chubkripdak a nod, Roger walked straight up to Tahushio, not immediately addressing Sawyer.

"Miss Bleebu, let me give your sisterhood credit in everyone's hearing for the widespread feeding and healing you have done-- to REPAIR the harm you CAUSED by destroying this world's industrial base. You could have run away into space, instead of taking accountability for your miscalculations. Therefore, I bear you no ill will. But I need you, everybody needs you, to admit that more needs to be done."

"I concede this," replied the black-skinned Sapphire Sister. "But it IS being done. The very greatest peril for your world consists in the violent strife which may break out in the present difficult conditions; and Earthlings like Sawyer are valuable for the defusing of hate."

"No one in the Flashlight Corps will object to your preventing violence; this is indeed a vital priority. But it isn't the ONLY priority."

Chubkripdak walked up alongside Roger. "Mister Tree Root is correct. As you know very well, the Flashlight Corps and its allies did not expel you from this planet EVEN AFTER the belligerent behavior of the second wave sent by New Laziness. But there IS remedial work to be done over and above sustaining human life. This world needs industry and commerce again."

Sawyer tapped Roger on the shoulder. "Mister Tree Root, your ancestors lived just fine without machines and media."

Roger looked at the teenager.

"My wife and I are still capable of that; so is one of our daughters. But I don't think our other daughter should have to give up her career as a restaurant manager, or our son his career as a programmer. I like people being ABLE to survive wilderness conditions; but I don't want the lack of that skill to become a death sentence for three quarters of our world's population.

"Has it ever crossed your mind that, without the provision the Heart Sapphires can give, YOU would be certain to die if modern civilization disappeared entirely? The partial destruction, which the Sisters are now striving to reverse, has been harmful enough; remove their corrective efforts, and even Chubkripdak's lot would be hard pressed to keep humanity alive."

Sawyer tilted his fact toward the sky, screaming: "You're talking hate! You're an Istophobe! I have the wisdom of the HEART! That's how I changed into an iguana! I can survive anything, because my heart says I can! I've absorbed the lessons of the Sisterhood more than ANY other male ever has! I'm in tune with the Universe! I'll show you all!"

Tahushio was every bit as baffled by what came next as Chubkripdak and Mister Tree Root were.

TWO red gems, resembling what was on Tahushio's forehead, materialized out of thin air.

These appeared in Sawyer's ears-- PLUGGING his ears.

Before any of the onlookers could think what to do, Sawyer Boyd flew straight into the sky. Chubkripdak recovered his wits and took off in pursuit, but could not immediately overtake the boy.
 
Last edited:
Things were pretty much in hand in New Jersey when Chubkripdak signalled about the bizarre change in Sawyer Boyd; so the Stewmeats took off from Magnet City to attempt an intercept on the crazy boy's reported line of flight. They carried Sharon Rockwell with them as added help. Trace Dickey wasn't available, because what was left of the New Jersey state legislature had asked him to accept provisional command of what was left of the state police.

Chubkripdak and Tahushio, each as baffled as the other about the change in Sawyer, converged with the Stewmeats and Miss Rockwell at the place where the boy came to earth: Fort Harris, Pennsylvania, where Sawyer had formerly taken part in a rally to support the Sapphire Sisterhood. When Tahushio saw Nolarivu and John, she instantly told them, "Don't ask me, I don't know what happened either."

Where Sawyer was going on foot was to the front door of a house. Tahushio suddenly exclaimed, "I know whose house this is! It's the home of the Taylors, a family that helped organize our oneness rally!" So Sharon dashed ahead of Sawyer, faced him, and asked, "How did you become able to fly?"

The insane youth did not react. The black-skinned Sapphire Sister said, "I think he'll hear me." Then she repeated Sharon's exact question, adding, "And is your sense of hearing now filtered by your new prostheses?"

Sawyer's voice was more normal than the rest of him. "Yes, Teacher, my great gift now shields me against being misled by the unenlightened. This way, no one can trigger me by claiming that I'm not a giant iguana. I'm here to see Cosmo" --naming a boy in this household, who had become friends with Sawyer at the Sapphire Sisterhood rally; "--because my heart tells me that he will be the SECOND boy to succeed in internalizing your goddess-like wisdom."

Cosmo's mother opened the door and recognized both Tahushio and Sawyer. "Sister! Friend! What happy karma brings you here?" She had not yet received an answer to this before her son Cosmo slipped past her and cheerfully hugged his peer.

Leaning past the boys, Tahushio explained briefly what had occurred. "I don't really know how it worked; there's never been a MALE Heart Sapphire before. But he seems to have powers like ours, at least where flight is concerned."

Chubkripdak rattled up to the divorced lady of the house, who already knew of his existence and was not alarmed. "None of the Sapphire Sisters foresaw this change. And no Heart Sapphire has TWO gems."

"Neither are any of us literally deaf to contrary views," Tahushio added in an oddly meek tone.

Sawyer leaned his head back away from Cosmo's head. He had not heard the lobsteroid hero, but clearly heard his Heart Sapphire mentor. "Teacher, if in any way I have progressed beyond you Sisters, I still am standing on your shoulders, and will always be indebted to you." He and Cosmo clung together again, hard; and when they released each other, Cosmo ALSO had Sapphire artifacts in his ears.

"Cosmo, now your ears are glowing too!" exclaimed the mother-- and the fifteen-year-old swung around toward the sound of her voice with an exultant smile. "Mom, I heard you say that! Thank the Universe! You don't have a Sapphire implant, but you still ARE awakened enough that my new gift lets your voice through!"

"So what happens now?" the mother asked Tahushio.

"I don't know, this is unprecedented."

Nolarivu laid a hand on her senior's shoulder. "WE never literally used our Sapphire energy to make ourselves UNABLE to hear any viewpoint opposing our own. This isn't our style."

Tahushio looked skyward, then gazed into John's eyes. "You know by now that King Highfyver is ultimately behind our whole sorority. This new complication has to be his doing."

John began passing questions through his wife, whom Sawyer and Cosmo could hear, asking them about their sensations when acquiring these new-type Sapphire prostheses.
 
Last edited:
WE WILL RESUME THE "JERSEY EARTH" PLOT ARC AFTER A FEW REMINDERS OF MY OTHER UNRESOLVED PLOT ARCS.

Dark Headgear, with whom this whole shebang started, is more or less permanently settled on Planet Freesoil. He joined the side of good, and married his henchwoman Krayzee Fireflaw. His other henchwoman, Lylah Doxum, also found a husband: my version of Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars. Krayzee and Lylah both now possess Fuss powers. John Cardsharper doesn't have The Fuss per se, but he does have telepathy on top of superb martial-art skills.

==============================

Groan Starr and Princess Vespa are still with their spacefaring posse of mixed Dune-derived characters and comicbook-derived characters. The latter are from Seedubb Earth, which is the first direct Earth-variant Groan and Vixen ever saw.

==============================

The planet Senphatori, which is my tribute to the old Adam Strange comicbook series, has been liberated from the rule of my version of Black Adam, but the super-villain escaped with his witch-crafty girlfriend. The liberation was achieved by my version of the Justice League.

==============================

My Earth-variant based on "Starship Troopers," having improved weaponry thanks to King Truthside, also enjoys assistance from counterparts of Thor's Warriors Three, and is gaining ground against the people-eating Creepycrawlids.

==============================

On "Mediumgard Earth," my counterparts of The Avengers are just beginning to realize that a subtle corruption is growing on their Earth-variant. The little-understood evil influence has misled a Christian couple into believing that Jesus taught Marxism.

==============================

On Planet Punksteema (the non-Earth-shaped world vaguely reflecting Stephen King's Dark Tower series, the tough-chick detective Zoralee Jeralo still has not managed actually to meet Sir Ronald of Goliad, who is her logical romantic interest (the Towermen not being required to be celibate). Zoralee and her polymorphed brother Billyboy are still involved with investigating the assassination of a just and popular king. The airship designer Jizbrol Tazaff, who hopes to fly to Punksteema's moon, still is in Zoralee's general vicinity. Ronald's party has crossed the planet's north pole (Punksteema not having an Arctic Ocean), and they are now investigating some evil deeds not related to Zoralee's case.

==============================
 
The very tall senior Sapphire named First-Seven-Notes-of-Stairway-to-Heaven-then-cough-twice was mostly recovered from her near-fatal knife wound, but still taking it easy. Various underlings came by the convalescent facility to consult with her. After finding herself so clearly on the wrong side when the added Sisters with stun weapons had attacked, she could not say a word against the present stance of cooperating with the Flashlights. Then Tahushio arrived to tell her about Sawyer Boyd and Cosmo Taylor. The long-necked Joza-Varu-Paf joined them.

"Nolarivu, John and Sharon are keeping an eye on both boys," Tahushio said after sketching the events; "but only Nolarivu and Mrs. Taylor can make the boys hear their voices, at least until more Sisters happen by there."

"It has to be Highfyver," Stairway-to-Heaven-cough-cough muttered.

"Might Rohavra know something?" Joza-Varu-Paf asked, referring to the highest ranking Sister among the late arrivals who had escalated the problems on Jersey Earth.

"That's conceivable, but seems unlikely, since she was so late coming to this operation at all."

"What about Barndora and Wispy?"

"That's more likely, precisely because they're outside the Sisterhood. Where are they now?"

A physician's assistant who had entered the room less than half a minute earlier pulled his eyes away from admiring Tahushio and Joza-Varu-Paf. "One of your other Sisters told me that those two had finished their work in Samoa, and had headed for Calcutta."

"Thank you, Abdul," said the convalescing leader. "Joza, would you mind flying to India and finding them, so Tahushio can get back to the situation in Pennsylvania?"

"Yes, Da da da dada dada Cough Cough." Turning to Tahushio: "When you're back with Sawyer, you should probably give him some bugs yourself. Humoring his eating of insects is a fairly harmless way of keeping his confidence."
 
Last edited:
Deezla, the exceptionally gorgeous Sister who had lately learned to feel ashamed of her euthanasia specialty, was in India; received a mental signal from Joza-Varu-Paf; and helped to track down the metahuman couple from New Laziness. Big Barndora and Wispy Mythical, aided by a dozen or so skilled construction workers, were busy rebuilding a run-down college dormitory in Calcutta. Barndora personally moved objects up to four hundred pounds in weight, while cranes lifted heavier things; Wispy fitted himself inside spaces a rat could barely have entered, to fix plumbing and electrical connections.

When Wispy had gotten far enough with his detail work that the regular workers could pick up from there, he joined his massive-but-attractive wife to speak with Joza. Deezla soon joined them. Joza told what she knew about the transformation of Sawyer Boyd and Cosmo Taylor.

"Barndora, I believe you and Wispy have been feeling misgivings about the whole Earth-16 project"-- this being Highfyver's designator for Jersey Earth. "Does anything in the incident with those boys link up with any of your suspicions?"

"Not really, But I'm not the subtle one. Wispy?"

"I have thought that there might be something on this Earth-variant which is of use to Highfyver. Maybe he hoped that the Sisterhood would uncover some clues without knowing what the clues were for. Now, either because the Sisterhood now has less license to do as it likes here, or because they never would have made progress in any case, Highfyver might have remotely activated a new form of the Sapphire empowerment. We have to keep an eye on those boys, and on any other male Earthling who undergoes the new change. Maybe they'll experience a compulsion to search for-- whatever is of interest to Highfyver."

Barndora looked at her short but remarkable husband. "But the King of New Laziness has known every Earth-variant for many centuries. What is different about the present time, to cause our monarch to do something so new and strange?"

"Well, what ELSE is different right now?"

Barndora, Deezla and Joza-Varu-Paf all slapped their foreheads in unison. Deezla put it into words first: "The overthrow of Twerpseid! A common mortal being GIVEN ALL THE POWER Twerpseid and his household possessed! Even though this Truthside fellow is on the side of good, he remains an unknown variable in Highfyver's calculations. There may be something hidden on THIS Earth, something that could perhaps counteract any damage that Highfyver imagines Truthside would cause. Wispy, do you think we should question Highfyver directly about this?"

Wispy swept his gaze over the others. "We ought not break faith with our King merely because we're not sure what he's planning. But the Flashlight Corps is not under his authority; THEY can and should investigate the changes occurring with Earthling boys."
 
ON PLANET WAWA, the Janitors of the Universe received a report from Twishdok, the reptilian Green Flashlight. He skimmed over the conciliatory activity between Flashlights and Sapphires, about which the Janitors already knew in a general way. He told them EVERYTHING he knew about the remarkable new turn in events. By now, Sawyer and Cosmo had each turned one other teenage boy into-- whatever the new category was. Twishdok emphasized the fact that the senior Sapphires Tahushio and Stairway-to-Heaven-cough-cough were as much at a loss as the Flashlights were to explain the new element in the situation, but added that they both wondered whether Highfyver was really causing it.

The Janitors told Twishdok that all Flashlights on Jersey Earth should continue acting in the reasonable and courteous way they had been doing, but keep updating Wawa on the new factor. Then the Janitors conferred among themselves, with several high-ranking Flashlights like Indabog attending. They decided to try a fake-out of their own. If Highfyver was causing the new transformations, he could not possibly be unaware that the Flashlights were noticing this process; but the Janitors could pretend that they were not AS CONCERNED WITH IT as they really were.

+ + + + + + + + + + + +

Over in the galaxy which contained New Laziness, and which also contained the planet Dahudora which was a major supporter of the Sapphire Sisterhood, the centaur-like natives of the chilly planet Jinobrid were doing well at adopting sustainable forms of modernization. Almost every large river now boasted a hydroelectric plant, or was being surveyed for the best place to build one. Planetwide education was far enough along that the rest could be left to the Hoofmarkians.

Master Katmatao contacted the human Parbellik Magta, the last Green Flashlight still in this red-dwarf solar system. Katmatao deliberately omitted any mention of the new mystery on Jersey Earth. Instead, he brought up a subject of legitimate interest which had long been on the back burner for the Flashlight Corps.

"We know that at least one-fortieth of that galaxy's total volume is occupied by several interacting high-tech civilizations. They seem to be similar to the Federation of Planets and other entities from the 'Star Trek' programs on Original Earth. We want to find out if they're like the Kirk era, or the Early Picard era, or the weird stuff that came later. Begin exploring; I'll plant starting coordinates in your mind. Behave with discretion, but you need not conceal the existence of the Flashlight Corps if they don't already know about us.

"As a matter of fact, if they ARE like the 'Star Trek' stories, you'll hardly make a splash among them. Every highly-advanced race you meet will be claiming to have secretly invented all younger civilizations."

Parbellik's Heart Sapphire bride, the Hawaiian-looking Dahudoran beauty Luvardra, proved to have some second-hand knowledge about the galactic zone in question. The majority of starflight-capable societies in that region consisted of humans or closely-similar types. But she had not heard of any of their worlds actually being called "Earth" or "Vulcan."
 
Last edited:
After saying their farewells to friends among both centauroid breeds, the Magtas took to outer space, their vacuum-survival fields overlapping so they could rest by turns. They were not going to fly as fast as they potentially could (call it Warp Hundred), because they wanted to note anything relevant they would pass between Jinobrid and the location provided by Katmatao.

As they went, Parbellik explained what he could to his wife about the Star Trek analogy. Parbellik had never been to Original Earth, and had never seen any version of any Star Trek series or movie. But more knowledgeable human Flashlights, like Ryan Pebbles and Mike Deep Swimmer, had told him enough about the franchise that Master Katmatao's words made sense.

Because of this, the two spouses were not altogether caught off guard when something weird happened to Parbellik.

No barrier could be seen, but they still crossed one. Passing through the Kuiper Belt equivalent of what Luvardra sensed was an inhabited star system, the Dahudoran lady felt the presence of some kind of hate, some kind of malice. But it wasn't aimed at her. Instead--

"I want my mommy!" Parbellik wailed. "I don't know how to tie my shoes! I don't know how to go potty! I don't know how to blow my nose!"

Luvardra simultaneously detected a total cutoff in her husband's maintenance of their life support. She still had it running, but it was alarming that HE should forget how his own powers worked. And then-- came a voice in LUVARDRA'S head.

"See how useless this man-baby is? They're all that way! No man is worth one sneeze on a windy day! Only women matter! Only we goddesses know how to do anything. You'll need to get him into atmosphere before he suffocates himself and you! Girl power, girl power, girl power!"

But Luvardra knew better. Even with the females-only nature of the Heart Sapphire enhancement, hardly any women on Dahudor had ever decided that men as a category deserved contempt. So now, Luvardra Magta did what billions of loving women had done before her: she RESTORED her man's courage and confidence. When she sensed that Parbelllk was back to normal, she asked him, "Do you have any memory of what just hit you?"

He kissed her. "Thank you, sweetheart. Yes, I remember the sensation. And whoever set that trap, gave themselves away. To the extent that this interstellar community reflects any Star Trek series, it reflects 'Discovery'."
 
Last edited:
The star system the couple entered had no terrestroid planet. It had TWO planets resembling Venus. But they saw that a counterpart of Mars was usable for settlement; sixty percent larger than Mars, thus much better able to retain atmosphere against the solar wind. Parbellik and Luvardra saw that the native atmosphere still wasn't dense enough for people to walk around in without environment suits, but it was able to support plants which evidently were useful for people: either native to the planet, or mutated to survive there. This would mean that the pressurized residential habitats could be used for other purposes, not needing to accommodate agriculture.

There were three space stations, widely separated, orbiting this world. Each station had at least two spacecraft docked there. Neither of the Magtas was educated enough with spaceships to be certain, but they both believed that the ships were in-system only. It followed that the galactic federation they were visiting would have starships visit here at regular intervals. And the colonists were almost guaranteed to have subspace-radio capability, in case they needed assistance between scheduled visits or had big news to share. Therefore, visiting this world should be a good enough opening move.

Parbellik still felt a residual disturbance from the evil energy which had assailed his mind, so Luvardra made the initial hail. Willing her Sapphire power to work through the planet's radio network and perform language conversion, she began:

"Greetings to this planetary community! We are oxygen-breathing, warm-blooded, endoskeletal biped sapients. We originate outside your inhabited space, but we have become aware of your existence, and we desire to begin communication with your worlds. We intend no provocation, therefore we will not actually land on your planet without your consent. Please respond via your broadcast array; we will be able to receive."

A reply came from one of the parked spacecraft which was in line of sight from the Magtas. A female voice said, "This is Moon Goddess Peevratu of the patrol ship Eemasklar." Luvardra had the strong impression that Peevratu was not claiming to be a literal supernatural goddess; rather, the term in her language that came across as "goddess" was just a rank designator. The woman continued: "Please come first to the station where my ship is moored. The station supervisor and I will meet you at the main airlock."

"Understand, Moon Goddess, that we have no ship. Our science possesses the means for individuals to live and travel in space."

"Very well, visitors. Our various competing ultra-powerful super-evolved aliens can do that too, so come ahead and enter the station."

 
Last edited:
The airlock was a true airlock: outer and inner doors, never both open at the same time. No air-containment field. Upon cycling through this entrance, the first thing the Magtas noticed was that six or seven men in working coveralls were stumbling around as if drugged or drunk. They were very human in appearance; the only visible difference from the Magtas was that their ears extended rearward instead of upward. Despite the station's artificial gravity being no stronger than the planet's gravity would be, the men kept dropping boxes they carried. They tripped over cables, bumped into each other, got stuck moving between things, got their clothing snagged on any protruding object, and spilled liquids on each other.

The patrol ship captain was not the first person to address the new arrivals. One male worker, getting up from a pratfall, ignored Parbellik and asked Luvardra, "Would you please remind me how much is one plus one?"

"It's two. See these fingers? One, two."

"Thank you, Mother."

The station supervisor introduced herself: "My name is Gaflatori." Looking at Parbellik: "You're a male! But you haven't tripped over anything yet! Where do you come from?"

"Ny name is Parbellik Magta. I come from an oxygen planet in a neighboring galaxy. This is my wife Luvardra, who is native to a planet in THIS galaxy. It was possible for us to meet because we both have highly advanced means of travel."

"And you can pronounce words of more than two syllables!" Gaflatori marvelled, with no hint of sarcasm. "How is it that you are immune to the selective mental suppression?"

"I wasn't entirely immune," Parbellik answered, "but Luvardra freed me from it. Why do you HAVE such an invention?"

Moon Goddess Peevratu now spoke: "We didn't invent it! We don't want our men to be awkward and clueless. We don't know WHERE that phenomenon came from!"

Luvardra sighed. "Members of the fellowship I belong to have more than once been guilty of producing an effect at least remotely similar. It's a long story."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
 
Last edited:
NOW FOR A FEW SINGLE-POST VIGNETTES.

On Planet Cakebun, Duke Diskoduck of Directvideo had gained a fine reputation as his world's ambassador to the Bakesum System. His wife, the space pilot Wilma Dearthing, was teaching some of the local people how to operate the ship type she was qualified on, because she wanted to start a family ASAP. Their Chimpanzian friends Antilacor and Lucasta were already expecting, feeling good about it since everyone on Cakebun was warm and accepting toward them.

Forces of the Bubblewrap Coalition, still assisted by Jacob Mossyhutch with his impossible gravity gun, had conducted further operations against the predatory Barnsmell, rendering this whole sector safer for civilized beings. Accordingly, some of the weaker and less courageous races represented on Bubblewrap Five had begun developing trade relationships with the Bakesum System. Among other commercial possibilities, the Goldarns temporarily living on Cakebun were doing very well growing their foodstuff called Sproosh, which was both nourishing and tasty to most oxygen-breathing sapients. Diskoduck was finding many opportunities to arrange and faciitate business meetings.

On a fine morning at their living quarters, Diskoduck and Wilma were sharing a breakfast of top-quality Sproosh with a Goldarn businesswoman called P'Tulla, when P'Tulia suddenly blurted out: "Diskoduck, is it true that you have a mysterious superpower?"

"Who told you I have a superpower?"

"It was an inference. My brother P'Nuko was over in Baygul Village when a big fight broke out over a sporting event; sixteen or more local men punching each other; and then somehow-- it just ended. P'Nuko says he seemed to black out, and when he regained his wits, every one of the men who had been brawling was lying on the ground, far from where they'd been fighting. All were still conscious, but each one had his shirt pulled up over his head. The confusion of this made them forget their anger. And you were standing nearby, looking exhausted."

Diskoduck unthinkingly said, "Yes, I had to play the music three times."

"What????"

"Never mind. Classified information."
 
Last edited:
On Seedubb (reminder: this was the first Earth-variant to be depicted in my story), Steve "Captain Patriot" Roughroad woke up at the apartment he had leased in Central Municipality. Unlike any other morning in his adult life, he literally did not recognize the face he saw in his bathroom mirror. It simply was not his face, nor the face of anyone he knew. His own fingers confirmed that his nose, chin and hairline were NOT what they should be.

Knowing how busy Doctor Unusual was with magical concerns ever since the emigration of Zoorama Sotero to a different Earth, Steve had scrupulously avoided bothering the good wizard. But this morning's shock was EXACTLY IN Doctor Unusual's wheelhouse.

"Doctor, it's me, the Captain. I just changed into a different man!"

Unusual was not perturbed. "You don't mean a change in your moral alignment, do you?"

"No, as far as I can tell, I'm still trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and aerobically fit. I just look different. Besides the face, my feet are a bit bigger, as I discovered when I put my shoes on."

"So you don't feel ill?"

"Not at all. In fact, I haven't tested this yet, but I feel as if my muscular strength has IMPROVED a few percentage points."

"Hmmm, you know what? Everything happens for a reason. Just yesterday, I sensed a mystical current filtering through the whichness of the why. Which is to say, I believe that something similar has happened on one of the Earth-variants we don't have contact with. Let me call you back in two hours. Go ahead and eat breakfast."

When Unusual next phoned, he sounded optimistic.

"I've had a providential breakthrough. There IS a direct equivalent of you on another Earth-variant. His name is Steve Rusher, and he made colonel in their version of the United States Army. He also has just found himself looking different. But he has a wife named Masha, and SHE looked at him as if he HADN'T changed.

"So I cheated a little, and asked AsaLion Himself to unpack this for me. He explained that it was connected with the entertainment culture on Original Earth. Remember, although all of us on these variant worlds do have a genuine flesh-and-blood existence, we are also variants upon STORIES made up in the world of Adam and Eve. In His divine foreknowledge, AsaLion sees the future behavior of a movie star who has play-acted as the 'Captain America' on whom you and that other Steve are based. In the future, this Original Earth actor will issue a scornful public statement to the effect that parents have no right to decide what is taught to their children.

"That shallow fool is unworthy to have you two genuine heroes look like him. Therefore, AsaLion, while not changing your spirits or your memories of life, has willed that henceforth, you and that other Steve will instead resemble an Original Earth actor who HONORS parenthood and other basic values. Everything in the lives of you two Steves has been retconned. You'll see that your driver's license now retroactively shows your new face; highschool yearbooks ditto; you will not seem strange to your friends; and any genetic scan testing your identity will accept your new DNA as correct.

"So no damage has been done. You and Steve Rusher will be just fine looking like CHRIS PRATT."

 
Last edited:
Suddenly, the super-narcissist Antimerica Chutzpah entered this posting space, yelling, "Forget those Earth-variants! They don't matter, and the characters living ON them don't matter! Same goes for planets NOT derived from Earth! None of them has any value; only I have any value! Do you inferior beings finally understand? Everything is about ME!!!!"

Copperfox, however, disregarded her, and resumed planning his next several posts.
 
On Federal Earth, in a conference room of the Stellar Assembly, Juan Ricosuave the strong-jawed war hero and Earl Pufferton the telepath were holding a farewell meeting with some of their galactic benefactors. The Awkwardlispian space-mapper Vogg Stoob had officially presented the Human Federation a database of known inhabited star systems for the use of the Unified Services, and had received in return a chronicle of the history of Federal Earth starting with its first manned space flight.

"Vogg, old buddy," said Juan, "Don't think that I have any fantasies about inter-species marriage; Earl can verify that I could never imagine anything better than Lizzie. But now that we have this contact, unattached Starship Grunts are already curious over how it is for you two"-- he looked at Emangu Kavat and the blue-skinned Chisskurdian Tarvili; "--and for Hoodunnit and Lydia. All of you are unanimous that many combinations of humanoid races can successfully have children together. Ace Basey has told me explicitly that HE would like to date and maybe marry a Chisskurdian woman."

"I wish him luck," Tarvili remarked, "but most people of my race, men or women, still are under the heel of Admiral Skrawn. When, Creator willing, the Empire of Evil Badness is overthrown, that social market may open up."

Brigadier Pufferton addressed all of the out-system allies present: "Meaning no offense, I see in the thoughts of all of you that you're worried about that same Empire possibly stretching its tentacles our way. This makes good strategic sense, from this Admiral Skrawn's viewpoint. Securing new territory, ANY new territory, would help him to weather setbacks. But you folks have already given us enough of a boost in technology to make a huge difference. We've got the Creepycrawlids on the run, and we're already working to reverse-engineer your systems. Within one year, we'll be in far better shape to defend ourselves against a 'modern' adversary than this Admiral character is likely to anticipate."

"I will be eager to get news of your progress," Emangu told him. "I myself, in only a matter of months, have had to cross a science gap ten times bigger than what you face. Of course, having Tarvili in my life is an incentive to be a good learner."

Tarvili gave her Ostralian lover a squeeze. "He's too modest to add that HE has been teaching ME plenty: about honor, love and integrity."
 
Last edited:
>>>On Planet Hightone, the adopted homeworld of the converted-to-goodness monster from Anime Earth:

Tiptikditpip, the ant-like Green Flashlight, informed Queen Mugwumpa that he had been messaged by the Spacer Swimmers. "They report that Planet Alwaysurnia is getting straightened out well. All pockets of evil resistance have been rooted out, and the bad guys placed in correctional centers. Plans are on the table to liberate Anoxia in turn; but Crowdhack is known to be collecting strong evil allies, so Mighty Male and Teerifica will not act in reckless haste. They are keeping in touch with She-Wow."

The long-armed Mugwumpa clapped her hands with delight, twelve feet out in front of her face. "This means we can stand down our posture of defense, and start constructing residential and storage buildings."

The next day, in a nice bit of plotline convenience, two visitors arrived from different directions: one from Alwaysurnia, the other from Planet Latterdawn. Swimmer Pluto, being a reflection of the character Sailor Pluto from the Sailor Moon series, was accordingly the most beautiful anime-derived character ever to exist. Green Flashlight Lucy Luminous was native to Anime Earth, had rejoiced in Mugwumpa's redemption, and often went to check up on the human colonists of Latterdawn.

After Swimmer Pluto recounted more about the progress of recovery on Alwaysurnia since the death of Skamartistor, Lucy sprang her surprise.

"One colonist named Bill Redvest has been steadily rising in prestige among his peers, by a series of constructive achievements. But now he's outdone himself, by discovering a mineral unique to Latterdawn. Barbara Brainy has dubbed it Plotconvenientum. It can be ingested without harm, and it improves people's abilities dramatically."

Kibblabita, one of the most intelligent native Hightoners, was listening, and now raised all four of her hands in surprise. "What, is it changing them all into superheroes?"

"Not as dramatic as that. But it improves the abilities people could normally have. For instance, the fastest runner among their women became able to run twelve percent faster in a sprint than she ever did before; and one man who always did poorly in mathematics, now is gradually starting to understand integral calculus."

"It appears that Latterdawn has an exportable product for trade," said Mugwumpa.

Swimmer Pluto sighed. "But only if they don't get violently plundered by some empire or pirate force."

"Well, there ARE heroes to defend them," Tiptikditpip remarked. "They have one local metahuman, a shape-changer."

"We'll have to consult our respective fellowships," said Lucy. "The Latterdawners could use both a strong defense, and a means of selling some Plotconvenientum off-world without letting evildoers know WHERE it came from."

Kibblabita perked up. "As for their defense, maybe this Redvest fellow is worthy to become a Green Flashlight himself!"
 
Last edited:
ON ORIGINAL EARTH:

At the Saint Jerome Emiliani Homeless Shelter in south Chicago, Father Aquinas Romero and Sister Elizabeth received welcome visitors. Wesley Bristol, the Missionary Baptist pastor who was a friend of the shelter, arrived with five sturdy men of his congregation in two open-bed trucks. They were here to remove some items of mission furniture which were worn out beyond repair, and to replace them with new ones. Two grown men among the shelter's guests were fit enough to help carry things out and in. The new pieces of furniture were, in sum, two children's desks, three chairs, one bedframe, one table, and one bookshelf.

Of today's Baptist visitors, only one had never been to Saint Jerome before: the youngest man, Gary by name. When the work was finished (except, of course, hauling away the broken furniture), and everyone was having some water, Gary asked a question without preamble:

"Father Aquinas, what do you say if anyone tells you that a never-married priest has no business advising married people about marriage? I asked Pastor Wesley about it, and he's waiting to hear if you give the same answer he gave me."

Sister Elizabeth interjected (with a smile), "Wesley, do you have a bet riding on this?"

"Of course not," Wesley replied. "I never gamble, unless it's considered gambling to bet that the Cubs will lose again."

Aquinas now spoke:

"This is an answer I've given to questioners on occasions when there was no need to try to explain EVERYTHING about Mother Church. No individual human being is going to experience every conceivable human interaction in one Earthly lifetime; but ALL human interactions depend for their success on some universal requirements, like fairness, truthfulness and loyalty."

"Not love?" asked Gary.

"When one says 'requirements LIKE such-and-such,' one is saying that one is not giving the entire list. OF COURSE love is needed, but everyone already says that. The priesthood has a duty to bring up things people omit or avoid. Love doesn't exist in a vacuum. Any love-relationship is doomed to perish if it neglects the supporting virtues; and even a celibate priest is fully capable of promoting -- and practicing-- fairness, truthfulness and loyalty."

"That's close enough to what Pastor Wesley said."
 
Last edited:
The captured Evil Badness Empire frigate secretly renamed Adjustment was three weeks out from the liberated planet of Takniss. That planet's liberation had so far been kept a secret from Grand Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn, but this might not last much longer. The good guys still on Takniss were working at arranging evacuation for all the freed slaves, and for all bad guys there who had joined the side of good. The ongoing activity of the captured Imperial ship commanded by Moose Windchime had become only more important, since its raids could be made to seem unrelated to any events on Takniss.

After having obtained supplies from Planet Bopteeboptimus Prime by deception, Moose had set his crew to disguising the frigate. This consisted of changing the hull's external appearance where possible; and, more importantly, changing the ship's electronic emission signature. Henceforth, it would be obvious to Admiral Skrawn that hostiles were striking his domain, but still a secret that these raids had anything to do with the supposedly-still-secure slave planet.

Moose's ex-pirate bride Melodica was continually improving her astronautical skills, and more cautiously developing her Fuss talents. The newlywed couple of the head-tailed Tugboata race, Jifpek Dagla and Aseeta Rephlux were also diligently enlarging their competency, with Aseeta giving most of her attention to navigation. Several other Tugboatas, who had been humanely harbored by the Snitsnobbies of the Bubblewrap Coalition, were also present as cadets.

Meanwhile, the Toofah-Roffian adolescent female Hoppaway was teaching the former soldier Flint Lockhart about up-side powers; and Moose daily scanned Flint's mind for more clues to what the she-demon Kennedweeba had done to him.

And, at suitable intervals between raids, Moose Windchime would un-collapse his collapsible acoustic guitar, play and sing the blues, and fill the hearts of his shipmates with fortitude to face all trials.
 
Last edited:
A blue-giant star called Behemoth had no fully-inhabitable planets. But it had three planets resembling Saturn, and two resembling Uranus. All of these had moons which, thanks to availability of solar energy and water ice, could sustainably support comfortable habitats given modern technology.

Centuries ago, a humanoid race from a nearby star system had settled Behemoth. Convict labor had built all these habitats after the first five successful ones. But once the work was done, the surviving convicts had been fully pardoned, and had been given possession of several of the airtight habitats as their own communities. This resolution had prevented actual slave trafficking from ever taking hold, so the Behemoth System and its "mother" system had been easily admitted to the Republic of Lots of Worlds. But because it was valuable territory for gas mining, the villain Porkanbeen had seized control of the system through proxies years before he openly titled himself Emperor.

And so far, Thuglyfe Skrawn had retained possession of Behemoth. Its available hydrogen powered countless fusion reactors. But some of the Behemothians would have liked to SELL their hydrogen for THEIR OWN prosperity.

= = = = = = = = = = = =

Inside the second-largest habitat on the largest moon of the second Saturn-like planet, a married couple and their four children were listening to a radio broadcast from an in-system radio station. The station was on a moon of the outermost orbitally- colonized world. That world was currently on the opposite side of the blue-giant star, but a permanent network of relay satellites in the Behemoth system allowed lightspeed broadcasts to be received system-wide.

Suddenly the wife, Kabdazz, who was very human-like except that her eyes were lower down her face, level with mid-nose, cocked her head. "Lepsook, have you ever heard music like this before?"

"Now that you mention it," replied her husband, "no, I haven't. We have stringed instruments, but none sound quite like this."

"The playing is different, too. The rhythm seems to have six beats to a measure. I don't know how to define what I'm feeling as I hear it."

"It makes me feel as if the composer of the music has endured great hardship, and wants all of his or her listeners to be encouraged that hardship can be overcome."

"Who's really transmitting this music? No one came on to SAY whose music it is."

(The readers can probably guess who might be broadcasting Mississippi Delta-style blues music in a story-universe derived from Star Wars and Spaceballs.)
 
Last edited:
On board the Adjustment, which was now posing as a defensively-armed cargo ship (like Woodrow Ackerman's ship Queen Yessa), Moose Windchime paused his guitar playing and patted the shoulder of a Greedork female named Quibrim. She was a comms technician, and had been assigned as the ship's radio officer

"I believe your idea is working, Quibrim. Our talking by voice with the Imperial base, at the SAME time as my music is passed through the relay we set up, appears to have prevented any military minds from guessing that the music originates with our ship."

"And," Melodica added from alongside Moose, "since it IS only music that's going out in the relay, no one but a Fuss user has even a CHANCE of realizing that it's anything other than harmless entertainment."

Slipping a kiss to her, Moose resumed: "So after we've sold repair parts to the main base, we'll move on without recognizably stirring up discontent among the space peasants. LATER, when we have more up-siders with us, we'll come back and work the fertile soil of people who've begun feeling a vague longing for something better."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

At Behemoth Central Base, on a large asteroid sunward of the innermost gas-giant planet, Spadkoro Drudd, Third Officer of the base, happened to be the only Imperial servicemember to have been listening to Master Windchime's guitar music. Precisely because it gave no sign of being anything contrary to the Empire's interests, Drudd saw no need to remark on it to his two superiors. But when the supposed freighter docked and offered merchandise for sale, a strange feeling which he couldn't explain to himself made him avoid speaking to the visitors.

Moose didn't go ashore, lest any Imperial troops recognize him from anti-good-guy bulletins. He could and did run a mental scan from INSIDE the ship, looking for any down-side adepts on the asteroid. There were none. Chet Vilrist, a crewman who had actual experience in galactic trade, handled all of the offering and selling of their goods.

On the way out-system, the Adjustment resumed broadcasting Moose's music. This was a long-term investment in the eventual overthrow of Evil Badness forces in the Behemoth system.
 
Last edited:
ON PLANET PUNKSTEEMA, on the far side of the northern hemisphere (Arcondoyla) from where most of the action has been happening, Ronald of Goliad, his apprentices and their other comrades were in Upper Wenzeppu. They still knew nothing about Queen Sotavalit (accent second syllable) of Mifdola investigating the assassination of her virtuous father, King Feckladast. The Towerman from the south continent, the Sogmilla huntsman Burzu Yunsh, the Tablanorian war veteran Lester Grath, and the rest of their band, had their own major crime case to investigate. Persons unknown, tampering with the regular trade between Upper and Lower Wenzeppu, had caused many deaths by poisoning a shipment of wine.

Having made friends with Jorbin Chag, an Upper Wenzeppuan master huntsman, the questing heroes were introduced to the rough equivalent of a district magistrate: a wise woman called Trail-Chooser Sahajil, who had a plotline-convenient gift of understanding all speech. "She can't SPEAK every language in return," Jorbin explained; "but with one direction of translation being bypassed, conversing with her will still be made easier."

When introduced to the Trail-Chooser in her house, Ronald was invited to explain himself in a way helpful both to Sahajil and to the readers of this story. He proceeded as follows:

"Respected enforcer of Wenzeppuan law, I know that you are aware of the history of the Towermen and the Smoke Maidens, who held great power against evil. At this time, something like two dozen Smoke Maidens are still alive, but none of them are continuously active. Because more Smoke Maidens than Towermen chose to start families at a young age, forces of evil pressed their war against the Towermen more continuously. The death of my gallant friend Wyatt Hickok left me as the sole remaining knight of Sir Edgar's order. But I have apprentices now."

He identified the youths who had come over the north pole with him and Burzu: D'Kovo and Hedrai the archers, Otto the kickboxer and knife- wielder, Talusek the swordsman, and Ilya the axe-wielder. Hedrai was the only one of these not officially pledged as an apprentice Towerman, but no one was stopping him from learning the knowledge Ronald would share.

"In Tablanor, Felruda, and other lands beyond the cold waste, we have hunted evildoers who sent undead walkers to terrify people. We do not know if those evildoers have any connection to what happened in your land. Jorbin Chag tells us that you are not seeing any undead walkers in your country; but the same evildoers might use more than one method. Be this as it may, we have no clear tracks to follow in our own hunt, so helping in your own hunt is as good a path for us as any. Therefore, please consider us as trackers in your own attempt to uncover the hidden slayers of your people."

Through translation, Sahajil expressed her thanks and her acceptance of the offer.

+ + + + + + + + +
 
Last edited:
Back
Top