Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Back on Anoxia, Bakerstray Bill became acquainted with the small-but-useful Troozers, who by now had Castle Klipnayle's renovations nearly complete. He was also introduced to the most prominent full-sized human involved in this work, a young carpenter named Bowsaw. If the reader guesses that Bowsaw is the brother of the good-guy warrior Bowstring, the reader is correct.

Bowsaw listened in when Bill posed a series of questions to Gramtolis, one of the most senior Troozers at Klipnayle. She showed the Jumpstardean hero schematics of the underground portions of the citadel.

BILL: I see that on the upper level of your underground complex, all passageways radiating out from the central access shaft curve toward the right, but on the lower level they curve to the left. Is this a measure for structural strength? Making sure that any upper-level passageway will NOT be weakened by not having any part of its length resting on solid bedrock?

GRAMTOLIS: Partly that, but also to confuse an enemy. If invading the upper level, and trying to dig down through the floor at any point, they would face a strong likelihood of wasting their efforts at a spot which doesn't have any part of a lower passageway beneath it.

BILL: That makes sense. But I'm a little surprised that your passageways don't include redoubts-- fallback positions for defenders.

GRAMTOLIS: The answer to that is-- Interrupta.

BOWSAW: Sister, I don't think Master Bakerstray has yet been introduced to Miss Interrupta.

GRAMTOLIS: Excuse me, Bill. Interrupta is a human inventor. She used to serve The Mob, until one of our own human ladies, Winkyblue, befriended her and persuaded her to join our side. For the defense of Castle Klipnayle's interior spaces, Interrupta has designed portable, foldable protective barriers-- like the Bat-Shield in Adam West's "Batman" TV series on Original Earth.

BILL: I've never heard of Batman, but I understand the idea of a movable shield.
 
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Leaving his spear with some of the Troozers, Bakerstray Bill descended into the underground complex for a walk-around. He needed to duck his head in many of the rooms, and at ALL of the doorways. When he rejoined Gramtolis and Bowsaw, he had something to say about this.

"I realize that I'm taller than most erect-biped beings on this planet; but even if NO ONE here is as tall as I am, has it occurred to you that in close combat, a warrior might need to make a HIGH sword-stroke? Getting your weapon stuck in the ceiling would be a very bad thing."

"So it would," agreed the lady Troozer; "but our Alwaysurnian friends have made provision for that problem."

Bowsaw elaborated: "Sorcery Lass at Castle Greyhair invented a magical building material for us. In case of melee combat inside those corridors, the weapons of our enemies WOULD get stuck in the ceilings or walls if striking those; but if we so desired, OUR weapons would pass freely through the material as if through air."

Bill suddenly gave a toothy grin. "I say, that's a trick we never thought of on Jumpstard!"

When his visit to the far-southern stronghold ended, Bakerstray Bill flew under his own power to visit other side-of-good bases.
 
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A plotline-convenient cute supporting character accompanied Bill on his expedition. Sappy Seagull knew all of the islands on an ocean OTHER THAN the ocean which contained Paxifica. Their first overnight stay was on an island where beings similar to orangutans treated them to a tasty and hearty fish dinner. The local chief, named Lefturklyde, related for Bill some of this planet's history before The Mob had invaded.

At one point, Bill asked him, "Do you know where Crowdhack was born?"

Lefturklyde shrugged. "No one here seems to know. But there are stories to the effect that he and his henchpersons used to live on an Earth-like planet, where the leading force for good was a tribe of humanoid felines. These good-aligned beings, called the Stormcats, finally forced Crowdhack to flee that world."

Sappy looked at Bill. "You're from a different galaxy. I don't suppose you ever heard of the Stormcats?"

"No, I haven't. But if they exist, and if they made Crowdhack run away, they would be good to have on our side."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That was a throw-away. Unless someone positively asks me to, I don't plan to bring a version of the Thundercats onstage. I'm already spinning enough plates here.
 
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ON SEEDUBB EARTH, Things were pretty peaceful since the smashing of Black Visor's gang in Urbanopolis. Lex Loozor, now married to his adoring female sidekick Marcie, still was employed in Red China with Red Headbone and their evil companions. But the agreement negotiated by Captain Patriot was holding so far: that in return for superheroes not entering China to seize the non-Chinese villains by force, Loozor's crowd would provide the Beijing government with new technology for defensive purposes only. Communist officials realized by now that if they violated this agreement, Doctor Unusual WOULD magically find out the truth. And they particularly didn't want Aquaticman sending the Queenkraken into Chinese waterways, to disable every ship she found.

Accordingly, the two people who had STARTED OUT being central characters of my serial, Groan Starr of Planet Srirachiss and his bride Vixen of Planet Directvideo, decided it was high time they got back onstage for some plot action. Their new starship, the Potassium Partridge (like a quarter-size replica of the Selenium Falcon), was ready to go. After thanking Edison Einstein Marconi of Spark Labs once again for his leading role in building the new ship, they took off to the stars once more.

Groaner's mother Jazzica and sister Trala-Lalia should still be in Planet Gumwad. As he began trying to contact them telepathically in the manner Master Yoga-Rug had taught him, Vixen could have sworn that she heard something like soundtrack music playing......

 
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On Planet Gumwad (in the Dune-derived sub-reality), all of the surviving Hotblood Matrons from the attempted overthrow of the planet's Penny Jezebels were being kept at forced labor in chains. Giles Magg, the Goulash clone who carried many of Duke Neato's memories, was one of their overseers; his having bested them at their own game left them uncharacteristically intimidated by him.

Yolesha, the senior survivor of the High Sisterhood Lodge, was especially harsh on the prisoners. Chip Thursday and Cyberdork took pains to persuade her to ease up-- which plunged the Hotblood Matrons into emotional confusion. They detested owing a debt of gratitude to males, even if one of the males was heavily bionic. Duskwing, who had begun his hero career as Batfellow's assistant Robin-Good, reinforced the "good cop" element, speaking to the shackled villainesses about evildoers (like the former Harpy Grinn) turning to the side of good.

Besides ordinary building and facility repairs, the defeated invaders were digging a spiral-ramp tunnel under the plateau: roughly similar to what was shown to Bakerstray Bill in the previous chapter, only this was intended to GO someplace.

It was intended as a means to search for a possible Starhatch.
 
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ELSEWHERE: On board an obscure but well-equipped space station, Baron Meedi Ogre Snarkonnen sat with his adherents Dizwarn, Blender and Quarkie, watching television while waiting for the evil sorceress Ickylinn to join them. A reminder: Ickylinn was a native of Alwaysurnia, Mighty Male's homeworld; but when the side of good eliminated Skamartistor's whole power structure on Alwaysurnia, Ickylinn had been rescued by Crowdhack and resettled on Anoxia.

What the evildoers were watching was not strictly a live broadcast, since the Spaced-Out Guild lacked sub-space comms technology. But the data-cube whose recorded contents they were watching had been brought to the station by a Naughtygator ship this very afternoon. The news broadcast was less than five hours old.

The scene was an urban square in Filthopolis, the capital of the Snarkonnen home planet. But the watchers barely recognized the place; it WASN'T filthy anymore. An interstellar journalist named Jasper Stackham, known to all Snarkonnens, was addressing the audience.

"Many in my viewing audience have heard of General Alec Hurdygurdy of House Ashtrayides, who faithfully served Duke Paul Muddy-Drip Ashtrayides in the tragic wars of recent years, and who provided stability for Paul's children Stillneater and Gladiola after their father's never-fully-explained deaths." (Jasper said plural "deaths" on purpose, because it was already known that Paul Muddy-Drip's mystery included repeatedly coming back and then dying again.) "Now that the Snarkonnen Clan has fled from Greedy Crime, Alec Hurdygurdy has come here in the name of House Ashtrayides to remake their whole society. But enough prelude. I now present General Hurdygurdy, the new ruler of Planet Greedy Crime."

Old and weatherbeaten, but still upright and steady, Alec came front and center.

"Thank you, Mister Stackham. Not everyone in the worlds reached by your news network is aware of this, but I used to be a slave on this planet. It was Neato Ashtrayides the Pure-Hearted and Generally Likeable, in his younger days before he married Jazzica, who personally rescued both me and the original incarnation of Bunkem Isotope. Well, now, in the name of my ever-glorious master and his unfortunate firstborn son, I am ready to ERASE the ancient foulness from this planet. The impoverished underclass on Greedy Crime will at last be granted education, freedom of speech, and other blessings of a healthy community."
 
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Mister Stackham now introduced another interview-guest, whom Doctor Dizwarn instantly recognized as one of his former junior laboratory assistants, a young man named Pluggug Nawzeeha.

"This young scholar," Stackham explained, "is the first Greedy-Crimer volunteer for an experiment in lifestyle change. Mister Nawzeeha, will you explain to our audience?"

"Of course, Jasper." The local boy nodded toward the Ashtrayides general. "The scientists working for General Hurdygurdy have been explaining to our people that it is virtually impossible to eat insects whole without some indigestible chitin building up inside our intestines. Because Planet Waterpark produces edible fish in abundance, the General has begun having live Waterparkian fish transported here."

"It is my hope," Alec put in, "that better nourishment will improve the health of Pluggug's people. Once this planet's oceans are cleansed from pollution, House Ashtrayides will begin directly stocking the local waters with what we judge to be the most nutritious types of our own fish."

Watching the interview, Meedi Ogre was not happy to be made to look bad for his poor care of his people's health. Blender told him, "We can't change what's past. Maybe our new friends will turn out to have a well-kept environment, in which our children will thrive."
 
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Another Filthopolis resident, a grandmotherly-looking woman, now joined the others on screen. Gesturing toward her, Jasper Stackham told his viewers: "This is a woman I met while we were setting up for this broadcast. She has interesting observations to share."

"Thank you, Mister Stackham, and hello to any off-worlders who see this. My name is Suwerella, and I'm thirty-eight standard years old. We common people on Greedy Crime have had no opportunity to lengthen our lifespan by consuming The Jalapeno. But that's not the only reason why I look so old. The other cause is the unhealthy environment we all have to live and work in. But when those friendly off-worlders came and brought clean water for some of us to drink, it was like liquid hope. It was a promise that better things were possible. I am forever grateful to the Ashtrayides and their allies for starting to turn things around on Greedy Crime. And if the Snarkonnens ever think about coming back here, they can censored blankety-blank themselves and worst-of-naughty words themselves."

Wincing, Quarkie turned to look at her disinherited Baron. "I promise, my lord, I would never think of you that way."

Meedi Ogre shrugged. "Thank you, Quarkie. What's done is done, and I hope we'll have a brighter future with Crowdhack's people."

= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
 
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One of The Mob's starships began its approach to the space station. The chief pilot was a toad-like being called Borgump. Turning from his control console, he addressed the Alwaysurnian villainess Ickylinn and the Anoxian villainess Katlittura.

"Lady Icky, we are within two kilometers of the station. I believe this puts us close enough so you can do a magical teleport, as you have spoken of doing."

The beautiful-but-wicked witch whispered in the ear of the beautiful-but-wicked shape-changer: "Are kilometers bigger or smaller than miles?"

"Miles are bigger," Katlittura whispered back. "A kilometer is about three-fifths of a mile."

Ickylinn thanked Katlittura in a whisper, then thanked Borgump out loud. Then she kissed the warty pilot, but he didn't change into a handsome human prince. "Oh well, it was worth trying." Borgump said nothing, but was grateful that he HADN'T been changed into a gross, yucky, hairy, wartless human.

The two villainesses presently teleported onto the space station, to hold a conference with Meedi Ogre and Dizwarn before taking them and others back to Anoxia and the headquarters of The Mob.
 
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In the China of Earth-Whichever, at a restricted military training center, two women were inspecting twenty-one other women, ranged in three ranks of seven. All of the women being inspected were natives of China, but all had been altered and were now a head taller than they used to be. Much more dramatically, each of these female soldiers now had legs like the legs of one of the women inspecting them.

They had the same satyr-like legs as War Witch Sharbadil, who had been captured in battle and had struck a deal with her jailors. The other party to the inspection was Brigadier General Kung Tai-Su, roughly a functional equivalent of Amanda Waller. Tai-Su and Sharbadil had just finished observing various athletic feats performed by the twenty-one somatically altered women.

(BTW, none of the candidates for War Witch enhancement had died in the process, but many had suffered ill effects. Even some of these twenty-one successful subjects had experienced temporary problems.)

"You have all done impressively," the brigadier told them. "If the next wave of modifications works out well, each of you will be training three or four other women like yourselves."

Sharbadil added, "When the winter lets up, unless plans change, we will spearhead the conquest of Nepal."

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \
 
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A more human-like former War Witch, who had been captured in South America, and who unlike Sharbadil had joined the side of good, was escorted to India by personnel of Stork Industries, and joined Mr. and Mrs. Vhani at the fire station where the highly-unusual alien fabric was being studied. Her only visible peculiarity was that her black hair, scarcely an inch long when she had boarded the trans-Atlantic jet, was four inches long at the moment she walked into the fire station.

(Again, assume that, by some plotline-convenient means, they're able to understand each other.)

"Jelisaveta Vhani? My name is Wistalee. I am deeply grateful to you for arguing in favor of clemency for us."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Peace Witch-- that's what some of us have begun calling those of you who renounced the ways of Twerpseid; but I personally had no voice in persuading this world's authorities to be lenient with you. My husband Arush, on the other hand, WAS among the important persons advocating pardon."

Wistalee looked embarrassed. "Forgive me, Flying Elephant. Although my world had a male ruler, I was always immersed in female companionship. Being over fifty of your years in age, I became set in my ways."

"Namaste, Wistalee. No offense is taken."

Jelisaveta interjected: "FIFTY years? But you don't look a day over thirty!"

"My species has a naturally longer lifespan. But as a trade-off, we need more sleep than you Earthlings do. When duty doesn't require longer waking, we typically sleep fully half of one of our homeworld's days, our days being around twenty-nine of your hours."

"Fascinating, I'm sure," said the captain of the fire station; "but I believe you came to discuss this high-tech fabric with us?"

"Quite so. And yes, the fabric CAN be used as a sort of communication device. It can be programmed for various color-change sequences, conveying a predetermined meaning to beholders. Rather like your Morse code......"

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In the Washington, D.C. of the same Earth-variant, General Timothy Moss, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, received two visitors in his Pentagon office. The Chairman's actual first name was rarely spoken, because he hated it. His mother had kept calling him "Timmy-Wimmy" until his fifteenth birthday. Everyone in uniform, and civilian employees of the Defense Department, referred to him as Thumper Moss.

Major-General Rocky Flagstaff, recently promoted from brigadier after his exemplary service in the defense against Trippenwonk, had made sure this detail was known to his companion, the male cousin of Jasmine "She-Hunk" Waterford. Copperfox is pretty sure he remembers naming this character Bryce Donner. Note that Bryce had made Jasmine into a Hulk-type with conscious control over changes, but Bryce had never become a Hulk-type himself.

Flagstaff had lost his left thumb and forefinger in action. But Bryce had managed to make them grow back about halfway, enough so Flagstaff had regained almost normal use of that hand.

"Welcome back, Rocky! And I'm pleased to meet you, Bryce. I don't know how much you heard about Rocky's armored-cavalry division, but they were vitally important in resisting the recent alien aggression. The new superheroes-- your cousin a shining example among them-- performed gloriously, but they couldn't be everyplace at once. In particular, Chicago lacked any metahuman presence when an Awkwardlispian detachment approached it; but one of Rocky's tank regiments was there, with Rocky in personal command. His talented utilization of Stony Stork's Futuretanks both prevented the supporting conventional units from being completely annihilated, and greatly reduced civilian casualties in the Chicago area."

Bryce nodded. "I understand that this was how he won his Medal of Honor, on top of his promotion."

"Indeed. Rest assured that I'm grateful to Mister Stork for making that successful defense possible. But our Futuretanks can't be everyplace at once, any more than superheroes can. We will eventually manufacture more of the new armor assets, and have approved Stork Industries sharing the designs with friendly governments.

"But it would be a VERY good thing if we could also acquire more superheroes like your cousin."

Bryce was not surprised.

"Yes, General, that would be a good thing-- provided that any man or woman so transformed would serve the side of good. Jasmine's transformation made her a much BETTER person than she had been; but what if an already-good person underwent such a change, and turned evil?"
 
>>>> I bet you all forgot about Planet Latterdawn, the story-world connected with the old TV series "Space 1999." It's the planet which earlier was menaced by Galactikang, but saved by Marysuefire. The settlers had also been assisted by Green Flashlight Lucy Luminous of Anime Earth.

In the time since the Moonbase Alpo crew had established their safe compound on the planet, Versaderma the shape-changer had fallen madly in love with Bill Redvest, the humble but highly gifted technician who had contributed so much to the success of the colony. Beautiful though Versaderma was (and indeed, she could change her looks to appear like many different beauty-types), the other half-dozen unattached adult males on the planet had never made overtures to her, as they found her intimidating. But Bill was not intimidated; he knew his own worth, and was all business. The all-business part had posed a challenge for Versaderma; but since she was involved in implementing many of his projects, the time they spent together had enabled her gradually to win him over.

Imagine for yourself the perfect finding-true-love scenario, and assume that it was like that for Bill and Versie.

Their wedding was conducted by Commander Roland Foote. At the party afterwards, Barbara Brainy unveiled her tentative plans for a SECOND settlement, which would be created on a large island (lately discovered by Versaderma during a long patrol in bird-form) where none of the giant army ants existed. Barbara guessed that preliminary development could begin within a year, though it would be much longer before the location was inhabited on a permanent basis.

Then Roland Foote nominated the newlyweds to be in charge of the work on the island.
 
At one of the few laid-back moments of their wedding night, Bill and Versie had the following conversation.

BILL: Sweetheart, are you confident now that I love you with all my heart, and that everything you do is good in my eyes?

VERSIE: Of course I am, darling, and I am equally positive about you. But why do I feel worried?

BILL: Because you have strong empathy. I have a serious subject weighing on my mind. It won't change anything between us, but we may have to deal with it in some way.

VERSIE: Now you've REALLY got me worried, even with all the reassurances. Just TELL me what it is!

BILL (after a deep breath): Mystical psychic stuff doesn't always alter HARD-COPY RECORDS of information. I know that you are nothing but good, you're as human as you need to be, and I have NO regrets about loving you. But there's-- the matter of where you come from, really.

VERSIE: Where else? I came from my native planet, where you picked me up.

BILL: That's what you sincerely believe; and the life you live among us proves your goodness. But certain technical records, things like fuel expenditure, airlock usage, and life-support loads, argue that you DIDN'T come from that planet. Rather, I believe you were CREATED already on board Moonbase Alpo. My heart says that AsaLion Himself created you as a helper for us, giving you retroactive memories of youth, even making the rest of us think we remembered you all the way back to Alpo's beginnings. All this, not as a cruel trick, but so that you would be acclimated to our society. It has to be His will that I would only now figure it out -- His will that no one would figure it out until you were well established among us. And you're established. We need only pray about how soon we tell the others.

VERSIE: I-- I believe you're right. But I'm real to you nonetheless, am I not?

BILL: Absolutely real, and absolutely worthy to be loved and accepted.

VERSIE (after several minutes without words): I wonder if the Creator will send any MORE help to us in such a way?
 
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At a comfortable house in the Kansas of Mediumgard Earth, Oliver Hackman and his wife Brenda were hosting Lowerkey and Welbymark from Hallpasscard. Between this Earth-variant having native-born superheroes, and being periodically visited by the near-immortals of Hallpasscard, entertaining these guests was remarkable enough to the Hackmans, but far from overwhelming.

Oliver, who had first met these superhuman characters in the gymnasium at Bat Masterson University, was even personally acquainted with a third man who had just come by on behalf of the Revengists: Bleeder the Vampire Killer, who three years earlier had destroyed the only vampire to set up shop in Kansas within Oliver's lifetime. Bleeder was known to Hallpasscardians by reputation; Welbymark, as a physician, was intrigued by the fact that Bleeder had some characteristics of the undead, yet still possessed a human soul and was 100 percent on the side of good. Knowing who Welbymark was, Bleeder accepted his word that Lowerkey was morally opposite to the late and unlamented Croaki.

So, Drigum Namdre finally giving Lowerkey the slip through a subtle time-displacement, was not a matter of Lowerkey purposely letting the evil mystic escape.

But two other subjects for conversation were of more urgency this morning. One subject was the question of what the idiotic "Cosmic Fact Checkers" were planning next, and whether the Tibetan deceiver would remain in contact with them. The other subject, which was of most concern to Brenda Hackman, was the probability that her husband had just become the equivalent of a Jedi Knight, although the Star Wars movies had never been made on this Earth.

"Crimson Witch and Eyesight are searching separately, she to the west and he to the east," Bleeder told the others. "And Plaque Panther is furnishing plenty of his technology to assist in the hunt. It won't be easy for those ditzy kids to hide from them."

"Then maybe we can talk about something which DOESN'T have so much support being supplied," Brenda fretted. "We followed all the news about Master Kanoli when he was here; he's obviously the kind of hero that villains will take seriously. If Oliver has the same powers now, but doesn't know how to use them yet, won't bad guys want to kill him before he does get the hang of his powers?"

"They certainly might want to," the vampire killer admitted, "if they even realize that he has The Fuss. We don't believe any villains ARE aware yet; but the Revengists will be keeping watch over you in case of that possibility. I have 'just happened" to get invited to give a talk on the Masterson campus about the monster types we superheroes have encountered. That keeps me in this vicinity, without openly declaring that I'm really here to look out for any danger to you."
 
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The state of Arkansas on Mediumgard Earth was mostly the same as Arkansas on Original Earth, except that what we know as the city of Little Rock was called Small Rock. In Small Rock this morning, Sawyer Boyd and the rest of the delusional-yet-now-quasi-magical "Fact Checkers" walked into the dining area of a large truck stop. All of them paused as one, to check whether they could hear any of the conversations in the place. The gems plugging the boys' ears did not let any voices through to the boys' brains. Therefore--

"These people are all talking hate speech!" declared one gem-eared boy named Zed Forsythe. His comrades all understood him; anyone speaking in praise of the people's collective would have been audible to them. Patting Zed on one shoulder, Sawyer Boyd raised his squeaky voice for the benefit of customers and employees alike.

"Listen up, fascists! We are the Cosmic Fact Checkers, and all of you are greedy corporate capitalists! Because you refuse to share your wealth, we will now reclaim some of it, in the name of oneness!"

The boys did no one any bodily harm, but the energy they now commanded pushed customers away from their seats. The Fact Checkers then ate the food on the tables.

Crimson Witch sensed this incident from afar. But by the time she narrowed its location down and flew to Small Rock, the thieving boys were gone. She was at least able to get physical descriptions of the Fact Checkers from patrons of the truck stop.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
 
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Having become separated from Sawyer Boyd's lot, Shelly Heflin was operating independently in central Nebraska, towing her husband Lance along. In their case, they came upon TWO restaurants which served breakfast. Unlike the truckstop diner in Arkansas, these two establishments belonged to major franchise chains: close equivalents of Wendy's and Hardee's in the America of Original Earth.

"Look at this, Shelley! Those restaurants are COMPETING against each other!"

"You're right, Lance. We can't let that stand! Okay, the Trendy's here is a bit smaller than the Tardee's. You start in the Trendy's, your voice will be heard better there....."

When Lance entered the Trendy's restaurant, he immediately exclaimed, "Competition is wrong! Competition is hate! Every activity needs cooperation, and every resource needs to be shared!" While he was annoying everyone in this building, Shelley was using her Heart Sapphire energy to steal all fully-cooked food items in the other one. Creating an energy construct resembling a cafeteria table, she called Lance back to her side, so he could offer a free breakfast to each passer-by. She made short work of adding Trendy's inventory to Tardee's.

Whoever in the neighborhood was most inclined to eat stolen food, knowing it to be stolen, had a big breakfast this morning. When police officers turned up, they were non-lethally blocked from interfering by Shelley's force fields. But realizing that the Revengists were sure to hear about this, Shelley called a halt, collected Lance, and flew away, even BEFORE every last bit of stolen food was consumed.
 
At a secret hideout, the Marxist monk Drigum Namdre went into deep meditation, hoping to make mental contact with whoever had initially empowered the Heart Sapphires-- and, by extension, empowered the new players. He succeeded faster than he could have hoped.

"I am King Highfyver, of the planet New Laziness. My civilization is dedicated to peace and understanding; and we have learned that the quickest way to gain peace is to persuade other people to surrender their freedom to evildoers."

"And I, my lord, am Drigum Namdre, a humble seeker after more or less the same vision of peace as you indicate. Are you the one who originated the Heart Sapphire Sisterhood?"

"So I am. New Laziness is located in a different galaxy from yours, but your galaxy seems to have the densest population, so many of my operations take place there. Always more to do in the cause of getting people to surrender to evil, so I don't have to fight the evil."

"Meaning no offense, my lord, but are you aware that MY particular Earth-variant has been visited by a variant of the Sapphire Sisters?"

{{ In a psychic version of a startled tone of voice }} "Why, no, I confess I didn't know that. What I do know is that your homeworld is NOT among those which have copies of The Anti-Strife Equation, so I have never paid it very much heed. Still, if the Sapphire power has evolved of its own accord..... Relax your mind, this won't hurt. Just let me take in your knowledge about this new factor in the quest for peace......"
 
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<<<<< No, I haven't forgotten Sir Ronald of Goliad!

Returning to Planet Punksteema, we find that Kadelpuk Doshmo, a judge in Lower Wenzeppu on the continent of Arcondoyla, obtained higher-up approval to support the gunslinger-knight's proposed excursion to the neighboring lands of Limzeppu and Gahurr. This, as part of the effort to determine who caused some people in UPPER Wenzeppu to die by poison.

Ronald and all of his apprentices, including the newest one enlisted locally, were undertaking the journey, accompanied by Kadelpuk, and by Triglon Fedlo the heavy-bearded commerce mediator, proving that the Towerman was acting with Lower Wenzeppuan authorization. The new apprentice was Diego Smith, a twelve-year-old nephew of Triglon's wife; he carried only a light-caliber bolt-action rifle but had silver bullets for it. The whole party would ride on horseback, excepting Ronald who kept his saddle-buck Polarboy.

One more man joined them: Klemrath Doshmo, the judge's adult son, recently discharged honorably from the Lower Wenzeppuan army. He possessed three black-powder pistols and a shortsword. His blade was not silver-chased, but his father had furnished him with twelve silver pistol balls. Besides his military experience and his natural devotion to his father, Klemrath possessed the virtue of having once ridden on board a Silnarpian airship.

A further advantage to Klemrath's presence was the fact that he had ridden guard on past commerce caravans to his country's western neighbor, and thus was known to many. At the border post where the travelers presented themselves, a certain Warden First Class Dagwood Rumley was on duty. His father provided translation as needed for the ensuing conversation.

"Klemrath, Judge, Mediator, welcome back to Limzeppu! Is that the Last Towerman with you? Sir Ronald, my late father once hosted you to supper; the visit remained one of his happier memories."

"Was your father slain by somebody?" Ronald asked.

"No, it was natural causes, thank you for asking."
 
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Ronald knew that, thanks to his divine gift, Warden Rumley would believe any true word he said, even when interpreted by a third party.

"Your border patrol surely knows about the poisoning deaths at a festival in Upper Wenzeppu. The trail is too cold for any of us to accuse anyone yet. So, at this point, no one we meet is a suspect, and everyone we meet is a potential material witness."

Judge Doshmo put in for himself: "A Silnarpian airship flew across our country recently, entering your territory. By the very fact of their engaging in commerce, whoever was on that skycraft might find out something relevant. Where did they put down?"

"In Gubtohib"-- naming the second biggest city in Limzeppu. "I already knew that the airship was Silnarpian owned, but I learned this morning that all the passengers were from Reslagor. Not unheard of for those fellows to travel this far, but not commonplace either. The man in charge of the mercantile team is called Yarbeck Trask."

"I think I've heard of him," Ronald muttered to Triglon, then faced the border warden again. "Do know what they're buying or selling in Gubtohib?"

"Buying copper and bronze."

"Worked or unworked?"

"Worked: as wire, tubes, canisters, gearwheels and the like."

Diego piped up: "Lots of uses for that stuff in making machinery!"

"Quite correct," Ronald told the boy. "But nothing to suggest that the Reslagorians had any part in poisoning anyone."
 
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